Nkem Ndem: No Money No Honey? The Higher Level of Grace Required to Date a Broke Guy

No woman wants to date or marry a broke guy. It is a simple truth. No matter her age, position or level of desperation, she still wants a man who can provide for her, take care of her and give her a measure of security and stability. It is not a matter of gold digging or anything of that sort, women are just wired that way. It is why the idea of the knight-in-shining-arbor appeals to them so much. Consider the traditional format: The man, being a Knight, has an appealing status, a horse (mobility a.k.a “motor car”) and various skills as well as the strength to protect her. She, on the other hand, does not have a horse and is usually trapped, in lack or just in need of saving.

This is not to say that money is everything and that it should be the focus in any relationship…it certainly should not be. Other factors like character, compatibility, trust, attraction, love e.t.c are important as well. However, you must admit that money serves to foster these other elements.

Forget the propaganda that adulates the idea as well as the sect of women who throw caution to the wind and delve into relationships with broke guys – guys who are either jobless or earn below average – with the ‘faith’ that things will eventually turn around or that they will have the might to carry him along and support him. While a few of these women actually reap the fruits of their labor, in the long run, 9 out of 10 of these women end up completely bitter and frustrated, sometimes even cheating on their husbands or worse, the husband eventually leaving them for younger hotter girls when they get their own money.

Quite recently, I had a conversation with a friend who broke up with her boyfriend of 3 months, as in her own words “he is plagued with the affliction of being broke”. The harshness of the tone with which she made the statement almost got me pegging her as vain. However, as she told me the entire story, I totally understood her stance. She explained that it was not really about the lack of money, she could no longer put up with the stress and baggage that came along with his low-income status: he nagged a lot; was insecure and super possessive; always picking up a fight in public, suggesting that she did things deliberately to emasculate him; e.t.c

The truth is, things are different in our society today. Unlike the old times when men generally earned far more than women and it was an unspoken rule that they have to carry the weight of the relationship – catering to all expenses and treating the lady to her heart desires, women (young, single women) earn so much more than men now, while so many of the men are either unemployed or underemployed. Considering this development, how do you define ‘manhood’ in a world where men now earn less than women? Really, what is a man to do without the money or time to dote on his woman? He certainly will not buy her anything good enough to show her how special she is to him because he is broke; neither will he be able to give her all the attention she requires as he will constantly be on the hustle… unless, of course, he is the type who does not mind mooching off of the girl.

Basically, it takes a special kind of grace for a girl to date a broke guy and be happy with him for long. The one time I dated someone who would largely be considered “broke”, I honestly did not have many issues, I stayed with him for 2 years. Maybe we lasted that long because I was broke as well and we were much younger, but actually, there were certain perks to dating the broke guy, compared to friends who had “buckled up” boyfriends and lovers : he was more attentive and romantic, he had greater regard for my friends and family, I did not have to deal with a lot of competition as he obviously did not have so much to offer (haha) and he was supportive of my ambition and goals…even though they seemed unrealistic at that time.

Yes, all people deserve to be loved no matter whom or what they are… however, there is no denying that money is also very important in every relationship. A real man should understand this and must focus on sorting himself out emotionally and financially before even thinking of dating, or looking for a wife to be. Adding a woman to the mix when he is utterly broke, without a vision and unsettled -despite how much he loves her and vice versa- will just add more load to his already bent shoulder and will do either of them no good. Rather than create room for all kinds of heartbreak, he should wait till he is ready, and can afford to make a proper commitment to her emotionally and financially.

What do you think? Am I right? Or am I just being biased in support of my friend’s decision? Let’s talk in the comment section.