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Aunty Bella: Miss I Don’t Want to Screw This Up

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Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. 
We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.
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I’m 36 yrs old. I think I look pretty good for my age. I LOVE my job. I am super comfortable financially and I am getting married in two months!

Nah-ah! Don’t get all too excited for me yet, because as the day draws closer, I dread it!
I am getting married to a man I don’t love and who has also told me it’s not love that matters but an understanding and mutual respect between two people.

He’s not a monster. He’s nice, he has his kind days. He’s quite older than I am and sometimes I feel that’s why he doesn’t believe in love. He’s not romantic and not the kind of man you imagine will come out in the rain and kiss you while professing his undying love for you… *sigh* I digress.

He’s not physically attractive but he’s loaded which helps.

Bellanaijarians, the problem is I’m still in love with someone else, or I am missing the romance I had with someone else… not sure. I had thought this feeling will wade off but it’s not. It actually seems its getting stronger each day apart.
I am drowning everyday.

I have even thought of suicide as a way out. Everyone is happy that I’m finally leaving the bachelorettes (age is not really on my side)

I seem to f*ck everything up in my life (except my job), so if I f*ck this one up everyone will probably give up on me.
I guess I can marry now and then later get a divorce and just be by myself.

I don’t know what advice I’m asking for, I just needed to let out.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

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