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BN Single Parent Pod: Owning It & Trudging On! 29 Year Old Jane is Living Her Life

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dreamstime_l_52855416This year we introduced the BN Single Parent Pod as an outlet for single parents to share their experiences. {Click here if you missed it}. We kicked off the series with Shola’s really touching story. And last week we shared Anita’s story.

Today, we have an uplifting positive story to share in the series. Single mum, 29 year old Jane* is a financial analyst, who lives in Lagos is the 2nd of three children. She describes herself as “hardworking, intense, and loyal to a fault”

Jane’s story is inspiring and we hope that single parents will find some strength in her experience.

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Going to Be a Mum? Yay!
I’ve always been a nurturer, so naturally I was excited.

Becoming a Single Parent
I would like to spin a romantic story, but I met him when I was at my lowest, we shared a few things in common and that’s what brought us together.  We hung out frequently and the one time we had sex ….

We weren’t in a relationship, so I didn’t expect him to take responsibility or be pleased he was going to be a dad.  But I felt it would be unfair not to let him know and so I did.  He was supportive at first, taking me to hospital appointments etc and planning the future of the baby with me.

Telling My Son About Having Just One Parent in His Life
My son is only 3 and still too young to understand; but he knows he has family that love him. It might not be your traditional type family, but he has people who care for him and would do anything for him.  When he’s much older, perhaps I will explain to him that a parent is more than just a sperm or an egg donor.

Difficulties of Single Parenting
Trying to explain to your kid why daddy doesn’t live with you.

Going it all alone – The sleepless nights, the hospital trips, juggling work, parenting, childcare, etc all by yourself.

Married women constantly thinking you’re after their husbands… oh and landlords giving you that “where is your husband” look when you go to view a property for rent or assuming you would use the house rented as a brothel.

There is a stigma attached to being a single parent in Nigeria.

The Fun Parts of Being a Single Parent
I know this might sound cheesy, but the journey from the start has been an exciting albeit bumpy one.

My Son’s Relationship with His Dad
Somewhat good relationship.  I ensure he knows who his dad is and his paternal granddad.  I will never deny him that. I try to schedule time for him to spend with his dad, unfortunately, he’s always never around or too busy. When our son was first born, I asked him to give him his name in order for him to feel involved.

Conflicts Arising From Single Parent
It’s a tricky one.  I try hardest to put aside whatever issues we have and do what is in the best interest of my son.

Dating & Moving On
I only recently started dating again and I feel like I’m learning to walk for the first time.  A lot has changed.  The people I’ve met have not been put off by the fact I’m a single mum, if anything, they’re fascinated and want to know more.

Introducing My Son to My New Man
I haven’t introduced anyone to my son because I feel it’s too soon and he’s also too young.  Perhaps when he’s old enough to understand these things

My Support System
I have a loving family who, maybe at first didn’t agree with my decision, but supported and continue to support me.  My mum helps us with babysitting when I need time to myself, my dad helps with the practical side of things advising me on what to do and how to go about things and my siblings spoil my baby.

I also have amazing friends, who are a phone call away to put me in check or pick me up when I’m down.  Especially those days when I start questioning my decision.  You need that support system to let you know everything will be ok in the end.  To make you laugh and forget your worries even if for a minute.

My Advice to you If You Find Yourself in This Situation
I will say, be mentally and emotionally prepared!

Do not be ashamed of your decision.  OWN IT.

Use the months leading up to baby’s arrival to plan and put things in place.  Everyone has a skill – discover yours and use it.

Once the baby is here, there’s no use feeling sorry for yourself or hoping for a helper, do all you can to do right by your child because they didn’t ask to be brought into the world

There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.  It might seem rough now, but it will get better with time.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

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