What #BREXIT means to YOU! A Simple Guide for the Simple Man

I woke up this morning to news about the vote in favour of #Brexit. I know some of you have been pre-occupied with more important things, so I have decided to put together a simple guide as to how it impacts YOUR life:

How does it affect Non-British Nigerians?
1. The Pounds will crash, albeit temporarily. So go and buy cheap Pounds from your mallam this morning. Look him straight in the eye and shine your teeth. No more 500 naira to 1 pound, oga mallam.

2. Champions League will still be intact. No need to worry guys, Tuesday and Wednesday nights still dey kampe.

3. You will still be faced with the same rigorous visa and immigration process to enter England, and to enter Europe. Price of fish and garri, the same. Transport fare, the same. So no movement here.

How does it affect British Nigerians?
1. To the British Nigerians, SORRY OH! You can’t just breeze in and out of Paris, Rome and Madrid anymore. VFS tings are loading for you lot. So start getting ready to apply for Schengen visa like the masses dem. Don’t worry, I know a good wait-and-get passport photographer in front of French embassy. The man works sharp-sharp 😀

Just kidding, except something else changes, you will still be able to visit EU countries freely, though, if you intend to emigrate, post-Brexit, the rules will change.

2. Your Pounds sterling will become weaker and weaker. It’s not every time, splurge. No more flexing up-an-dan.

3. I can only imagine that there will be a lot more anti-immigration tension. British muslims- and possibly to a lesser extent, British Nigerians- will bear a significant brunt of a more charged-up political environment. Sorry oh, but it will pass with time. Simply endure small.

How does this affect the everyday Brit?
1. David Cameron has to go. This was basically a well-oiled and orchestrated plot to take him down, and he was simply unable to rally his country around his political beliefs. He failed. He did not play his politics well. He had the numbers to win this vote, but he is not a gifted politician and could not whip up the required sentiments to pull through. Nigel Farage out-did him. So as the French and Nigerians will collectively say, “Au Revoir, Monsieur Fantastically Corrupt Cameron”.

2. Calm down, guys. #Brexit does not literally mean that the UK will pack their collective bags and leave the EU. To where please?

3. In spite of all the fear-mongering tactics deployed by the #Remain and #Leave constituencies, not much will change. Britain’s economic interests actually supersede all political considerations. They opted to join the EU because of its economic benefits, so I would argue that they will remain with one leg in, despite the hoopla surrounding yesterday’s vote. European countries are their primary trading partners, and I do not anticipate that there will be a catastrophic change in the free movement of goods and services between the UK and the EU. So calm down guys, French wine will still be accessible to the Brits, and English tomatoes will find its way to German restaurants with ease. Free movement of persons however, is an entirely different story. For me, my instincts are telling me that your politicians pounced on your insecurities after the incidents in Paris and Brussels, and also on maybe a deep-rooted fear in the minds of middle/old-aged white brits that they would become an extinct species in 20 years. They deployed race-baiting tactics to whip up sentiments in favour of #Brexit, but hey, in politics, all weapons are allowed.

4. You guys in England need to be a bit more politically savvy. You lot are too gullible. You were all being used as pawns by politicians to propagate their own agenda, and you played into their hands. Like I said, this was always primarily going to be a referendum on Cameron’s leadership. His enemies probably smelt blood after the close Scottish referendum, and they pounced, like hyenas do. Nothing new here. But you, the people, sigh…

And finally, THE REST OF THE WORLD:
Relax. It does not affect you much. But more importantly, we are all witnessing a fascinating and entertaining trend here. “Let’s Make America Great Again”, “Let’s Make England Great Again” etc, etc. This, my friends, is political theatre at its finest. Do not allow yourselves to get dragged into fearing for your lives or the lives of your unborn generations. Either you Keep Calm and Enjoy the political theatrics, Or Keep Calm and Participate.

As for me, I am here, sipping tea and flipping through the news channels. Needless to say, I am thoroughly entertained. More of this please!