About That Curvy Life: Dating While Fat – 6 Reasons Why Plus Size Dating Can Be Daunting

AboutThatCurvyLife.com is here to expose all the problems curvy girls suffer from with a dash of humour and a whole lot of truth.

Dating is not for everybody, the dressing up, the effort to maintain a witty repartee, the awkward should we or should we not kiss and of course the inevitable lulls in conversations. Dating however, becomes that much more difficult when you are plus-size. The initial meet has to be one of the most nerve-wracking moments when you are a ball of insecurity and anxiety over your own body identity issues let alone having to introduce somebody else to them. Then there are the misconceptions which inevitably come with dating a bigger girl. The sad and misguided ideas that bigger girls are somehow more grateful or easy to please, from offensive assumptions to overly excited family members. Here are the reasons why dating plus-size can be a drag and ways to avoid them.

1.    Your Body Can Be Fetish-ized

Well, there is nothing worse than being leered at by a relative stranger throughout the night. It’s a given that people are attracted to different body types and types of people and whilst there’s nothing wrong with that, it crosses over into creepy territory when you become nothing more than a mere sexual fantasy as most big girls have experienced. Being attracted to plus-size people is great (there are even BBW strip clubs and parties available in America, where else?!), but valuing them simply becomes of their weight is when a problem begins to arise. It’s not contributing to body positivism or being forward or free thinking, if anything, it’s dehumanizing and not something that we should stand for. Insecurity and confidence issues may lead big girls into unhealthy relationships with such men who seek only to feed their fetish rather than value their partner for who they really are. When dating, be wary of men who put so much emphasis on your weight and how your body looks. There is a fine line between appreciating a woman’s body and fixating on it and you will know when their attention begins to make you uncomfortable and don’t be afraid to address it.

2.    Guys Automatically Think You’re Easy

Us Big Girls, are desperate right? Most assume that big girls don’t get much attention and would therefore be grateful for whatever scarps are thrown their way. As a result, some men tend not to make much of an effort either with their appearance or their delivery. As far as we are concerned, we are just lucky that they even showed up. This gratitude, as far as they are concerned, more often than not must be shown through sex and therefore many assume big girls are easy. This idea that plus-sized individuals are only in relationships because they’re more open to having sex is completely wrong and beyond offensive. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who believe this stereotype, and I’ve been on more than one date which ended before it ever really begun because my companion thought buying me food and paying a few half- hearted compliments meant they were entitled to something afterwards.

3.    Picking The Right Outfit Can Be a Nightmare

Well even the most fashionable of girls can have a hard time getting ready for a date but factor in hiding our lumps and bumps, struggling into our shapewear and making sure there’s room for the inevitable ‘food baby’, getting dressed doesn’t seem so simple. If you wear something too tight or revealing then please refer to point number 2. However, if you wear something conservative or loose-fitting you could be misconstrued as a prude, and worse still a prude who is ashamed of her body which people can be just as mean and judgmental about. So how do we strike the right balance between sexy and subtle? What about when you were something that your date doesn’t consider ‘appropriate’. Well I choose to squeeze these thighs into a mini skirt or a pair of leggings, you are just going to have to deal with it. Like most women, wear something that makes you feel beautiful and above all comfortable. The only way you will be yourself and get the best out of your date is by being comfortable and at ease. Don’t let anybody dictate to you what you should and should not wear, on a date or anywhere else for that matter.

4.    People Think That You have Low Standards

There seems to be a misconception in pop culture that if you’re plus-sized then it’s impossible for you to have high standards because hey! You get it where you can find it right? Wrong. Don’t be that person who make baseless opinions because of your own small- mindedness. The logic behind this is I guess if somebody had high standards, they would not be overweight in the first place because the standards they had for themselves would also be different. While this doesn’t make any amount of sense to those of us with half a brain, it still seems to be a concept most people don’t understand. Just because I’m overweight doesn’t mean that I set the the bar low, my weight is not a consequence of my devastating lack of care for myself or anything else for that matter. I take pride in my appearance, I dress well and I take pride in pretty much all aspects of my life and I expect my partner to do the same. Don’t assume that my weight makes me a second class citizen, it’s your sheer ignorance that makes you more-so.

5.    You May Feel Uncomfortable Ordering Food

This may have to be one of the most irrational anxieties in the world but sadly, it’s a reality for many plus size girls and under the scrutiny of a date, it can be even more so. If you order what you want, you worry he may think you’re being greedy but if you order a salad or something equally as scanty, you may be judged for being that ‘fat girl’ who’s trying to lose weight, but if you order a burger then you’re the ‘fat girl’ who would be better off with a salad. So what do you do?!! Well, you order exactly what you want to eat of course. The key to dating is to be your authentic self and not put on any airs or affectations that you may not be able to keep up over the course of the relationship. Don’t overthink the situation and don’t feel like you can get inside your partner’s head and see what they are thinking. Just go with the flow and if anything makes you uncomfortable or have any second thoughts then trust your gut. If you relax, the real you will shine through and you will be surprised that dating can actually be fun.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime