Jasmine Howson-Wright: It is Okay to be Emotional

No one really wants to be identified as “sentimental” or thought to be one that attaches sentiments to things. I think this is because it tends to come off as rather insulting connoting that the individual is either excessively emotional or allows emotions trump reason. Although this is my personal opinion, I believe ladies fall under this context a lot more than our male counterparts (again, personal opinion). However I’ll let you see my point with this.

It is commonly versed that women are emotional. I’d say that is fact (ho-o-old up!). I mean, we have been designed to look at life with partially tinted glasses, to sometimes elude the harsh realities of hurt, pain and suffering and add some warmth to its cold and chill to its craze. We bear the little ones; shelter them in our bodies for 9 months (sometimes more), our bodies adjust with every fragment of growth they exhibit, we birth them under excruciating circumstances and even through all the harsh realities, with one look at what ‘she produced’, those tinted glasses come on and life is seen differently. At the same time, we have also been created to look at life with 3D glasses, magnifying and showing in depth every of these life realities so when they show up, the glasses come on and our response to it -Emotion.

Now, another truth is that we fight this ideology because we are strong, smart, discerning, builders, creative, go-getters, independent, brave, realist (in due context) and sometimes survivors. How dare you refer to us as emotional?

Charity begins at home, so I won’t stray far away. I believe life’s structure and patterns in my history naturally handed me the anti-emotional costume which I comfortably put on without taking cognisance of it; I embody strength and independence by default. So yes, I could ask- how dare you call me just emotional? Ahan! For most of us ladies, life has also handed this same costume which we wear so boldly, and elegantly too.

We subconsciously need to be ‘on top of things’, defensive, a step ahead, a little smarter, a little better, strong, not weak and most certainly not appear vulnerable.  In relationships we don’t want to be hurt (or hurt again); so we judge the progress, as singles we don’t want to assume the other party’s emotional stance (but are careful of revealing ours); so we play smart. In marriage we fear the unknown so we are conscious to be a step ahead every time. Professionally, we want to prove our relevance or efficiency so we always have to be a little better (now I am not generalizing intention or subjecting this point to the battle of the sexes). In different areas and aspect of our lives as women we pride ourselves consistently in not showing weakness or being emotional but fact remains; “we are who we are” and there is such a beauty in that. Beauty in possessing and managing perfectly – vulnerability and strength! No one quality overriding the other.

No covering what I believe to be one of the effortless, God given subtle graces of woman (the natural ability to emote) – to love, joy, hate, hurt, and even fear, indepth with acquired / possessed strength and control over almost everything. This tips the scales and slightly alters that beauty. We do not need to be sentimental but we need to embrace ourselves as highly emotional beings. Accepting this fact, whilst being confident that we already posses reasoning, decisiveness, strength and intelligence. Whether we get it wrong or fall short at one point or the other, those qualities cannot be taken away.

Have you never felt the urge to cry because you lost something that was a part of you (not literally death but conscious acceptance that it is gone forever)? Never felt the need to ask sincere questions about another’s emotion but struggle because it adversely would reveal yours and then to what end? Never just wanted to be under things and let someone else be on top of them? Never just wanted to learn something different and not be the one dishing out EVERY SINGLE TIME? Never just wanted to hear and accept ‘it’s okay, I’ll take care of that, I’ve got that covered, I’ll handle that’ from somebody else asides you? Never just wanted to not cover up the harsh realities and see them for what they are; Cry (your eyes out of necessary), Accept (the pain, hurt, truth in it), Learn (sincerely) and move on without paying mind to who thought of you as weak or not?

I mean it’s okay to be strong, guarded, cautious, calm and collected as a lady/woman; but have you never just wanted to submit to your emotion and be a bit vulnerable too?