Queen F. Queen: When Love Drives You to Contemplate Suicide

I read about a pregnant 27 year old woman who set herself ablaze when she found out her husband cheated… Whew! So sad! But why? Why? I mean, Why?
All I could think of were questions

Why did she do that?

How did she get to that point where her life didn’t matter to her again?

How did she conclude that killing herself and her unborn child in such a cruel and painful manner was all she needed to “Live”?

Why? I kept asking.
However, this made me remember the story my mom told us about how she also attempted suicide by drinking a shaving powder mixture when she found out my dad cheated on her.

WHY? I asked her also because my sister and I were only 2 years old and 1 year old respectively, and we didn’t matter? Wow.

Luckily for us, a neighbor who just wanted to check up on her, saw her lying lifeless on the floor and raised an alarm to others who rushed her to the hospital in good time.
Thank God she made it.
Thank God she didn’t lose any of her organs or worse die.

That woman called my mother is the best thing that has happened to me and most probably my sisters; I couldn’t but wonder who would have made all the sacrifices she did so happily? Who would have been the fighter, lover, and selfless cheerleader that she is to us if she had died? Who?

Every now and then I ask myself how did she get to a point where we didn’t matter… just as her life didn’t and wanted to just run away FOREVER? How?
How do you love someone else so much that you care less about your own life?
How?

To any lover who is contemplating suicide just to escape the pains of betrayal you feel, please don’t. Please stay alive for those who will be as good as dead if you make that decision and for yourself because there is so much ahead of you that you will be glad you lived for.

While I’m super sorry you feel this way and may never understand the sacrifices you have had to do for this person, please stay alive and know that people are just a piece of the puzzle of your life and with or without them; you are complete.
And Yes, my mom is so happy she was rescued and regrets that she tried to let go.

Did mom eventually walk out of the marriage? Yes; Did she get back with him? Yes- they lived together till he passed a few years ago; Did my dad change? Not quite. Was she happy in the relationship? Not sure. How did she get the strength to live through it all?

She said her mother-in-law’s words while she was in the hospital recuperating always rang in her ears whenever she thinks of doing something stupid.

What did her Mother-in-law say? Nothing really, she just quoted an adage…
An adage that says; “If you kill yourself because of a man, thousands of women will pass by your grave daily and one of them will be married to that same man and will also be called mom by your kids”.

Bitter truth that kept my mom alive for us.

Find your truth and not only stay alive for your loved ones, but also, for yourself.
Quick recovery is all I wish the pregnant woman and I hope she doesn’t lose her life and the unborn child in this battle.

It is well!

Photo Credit: Mary Katherine Wynn | Dreamstime.com