Oluwatosin Arodudu: Speak Out, & Stay Alive

Domestic violence can be defined as a violent and aggressive act within the home, that involves the violent abuse of a spouse or partner. Domestic violence has become endemic in our society. I marvel at how a husband who once loved his wife would allow his love for her to deteriorate to a point where he begins to batter her without restraints. I don’t understand how a man who is meant to protect his wife from anything that could hurt her becomes the one who inflicts such pain on her.

Our men need to understand that when you begin to batter a woman, your wife, you are gradually leading her to her grave. And unless this is your motive – to kill your wife – then you have to desist from this dangerous path immediately before you are jailed for murder and you put your aged parents and extended family in pains and regrets.

Once you batter a woman to death, she is dead and gone forever. It is a sad loss to her family, her children and every one who wished her well. The truth is, she is dead and gone forever – never to return to your abusive clutch. But what becomes of your the abuser and her killer husband? You would be exposed and jailed, thereby putting your extended family in pains, shame and regrets.
Your children would become motherless and fatherless because you can’t parent them from prison. You also would suffer the pain of incarceration while you languish in jail full of regrets and pains – all because you could not control your temper and walk away from violence or the urge to inflict pain on another, your wife for that matter.

Your children would have to live with the stigma and probable constant reminder that their father killed their mother and he is languishing in jail “awon omo oku orun ati omo elewon” (the children of a dead mom and a father who is being imprisoned). What a pathetic description to qualify innocent children who never asked to be brought into a home full of scuffle, till everything imploded and threw them into an exposed life of torture.

A woman’s body is very delicate, and it gets more delicate when the woman begins to have children. Bones and joints becomes loosened, the daily care of children, most especially toddlers, the inability to have a good sleep again. A slap could make a woman collapse and never to wake again.

This is the sad reality Nigerian women which most African women face, because most of our men do not assist with house chores. They believe it is a woman’s turf, yet you come back home to beat the crap out of a woman who has been slaving to take good care of the home and children – while also struggling so hard to balance this with her career. How wicked can an abusive man get?

Why can’t you think deep and walk away from anything that could trigger the abuse of your wife? Why can’t you separate from her if you feel she has become recalcitrant and impervious to correction? And if you feel you hate her so much, or that you have another woman outside who gives you “fulfilment” in every way your wife does not, please just grant the poor woman a divorce – rather than enduring the sight of her every day which could trigger abuse and violence towards her. Please issue a divorce and let the poor woman be alive to fulfill her destiny and be the mother to her children.

Finally, our men need to begin to understand that times have changed, it is no longer business as usual, today’s women are being taught to speak out and expose every form of abuse we face in our marriages, and lives.  We no longer cover up abuses meted out to us in our homes like yesterday’s women did. Let me tell you a secret dear man, if you value your pride and future, walk away from marital violence no matter how angry you get. This is not a threat, rather it is an advice I would give to any man in my family, so if you prefer to see it as a suggestion from a sister please do. The times have changed, and women value their lives better than any marriage that is on the verge of snuffing it out of them.

No matter how hard you try to manipulate and brain wash your wife, understand that we are in an era where she has spoken to someone. Today’s women are being taught to own their shame.  We no longer believe we have to keep enduring abuse because of our children and hide it from the world, rather we believe we have to exit an abusive marriage for the sake of the healthy development of our children. No matter what your wife has done AVOID VIOLENCE so your pride is not rubbed in the mud by strangers and your future crushed because of anger.

Your marital business becomes a public affair the moment you start maltreating your wife. Strangers would poke their nose into your affair the moment your wife opens up the tiniest bit to someone about being abused. And these people are ready to fight her battle to any length – by alienating you and exposing every evil deed you might have done to her in your union together. So if you think you have bullied your wife into covering you, understand that you are deceiving yourself, and the whole world would soon come after you.

Protect your pride, maintain your dignity as a man, walk away and stay far away from marital violence, so people would not heap insults on you left right and center.

Dear woman, are you facing domestic violence in your marriage? Please speak out, do not allow yourself to be bullied to death. Do not allow yourself to be denied the chance of mothering your children. We suffer too much from pregnancy to child care, than to get cut short by the man who should be our number one protector.

STAY AWAY,SPEAK OUT AND LIVE ON.

Oluwatosin cares!

Photo Credit: Jason Stitt | Dreamstime.com