Titilola Edu: Why Do Men Keep Quiet About Domestic Violence?

“So you think men are not victims of domestic violence too?” Ire asked.
I paused for a second and then replied:

” I’m sure they are victims as well, but it can’t be as prominent as that of women”
” Are you really sure about that?”
” Well if they have these issues why don’t they come forward and share their experience, it’s also difficult for most women but in recent times women are being encouraged to step forward and take action”
“Men are not wired like women Titi. It is easy for a woman to spill her guts and seek empathy, but a man would rather suck it up and be a man.”

This argument ensued between a friend  and I after listening to Tonto Dikeh’s story about the domestic violence she experienced in her home. Of course I was full of sympathy and was raving on and on, about how women are always victims of domestic abuse. But, Ire pointed out that domestic abuse in marriage takes several forms. It is not necessarily physical, and men are victims too…even though they don’t publicly talk about it.

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic violence can vary dramatically; however, the one constant component of domestic violence is one partner’s consistent efforts to maintain power and control over the other.

Bari Zell Weinberger in the Huffington Post had this to say about Domestic Violence,

“When we discuss domestic violence, it is often assumed that the victims are women. And the statistics are truly traumatic. The less-told story is that a striking number of men are victims, too, suffering physical, mental and sexual abuse in both heterosexual and same-sex relationships. According to the CDC, one in four adult men in the U.S. will become a victim of domestic violence during his lifetime. That’s upwards of three million male domestic violence victims every year, or one man in America abused by an intimate or domestic partner every 37.8 seconds.

Highlighting these statistics is not meant to downplay in any way domestic violence among women. It is, however, intended to add to the growing conversation that anyone can be the victim”

He also mentioned, amongst many other reasons  many men don’t seek help for domestic abuse is because “they fear that it will make them look weak. The truth? There are few actions that require as much bravery as walking away from an abusive relationship. To recognize that you are in need of help and then take the steps needed to get it is not weakness. It’s a sign of strength.”

So many times we focus so much on women, and forget that there is a man somewhere facing the same fate.  However, because he is a man, and has been brought up to handle/suppress all the pressures/ responsibilities that comes with being one, he must simply suck it up.

How many men would actually come out openly to say they suffer domestic violence at the hands of their wives. He would probably be the butt of jokes and ridicule from the society for days.

I understand that men are wired differently but why do you suffer in silence just to avoid being stripped of your “manliness” or am I wrong?

I need the men to help me with an answer.

Photo Credit: Yolanda Van Niekerk | Dreamstime.com