Aunty Bella: Miss. Should I Send My Crush a Friend Request on Facebook?

Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.

We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.
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Dear Aunty Bella I would appreciate if you could make this a post so I can get the kind views of the BN fam. I dropped it as a comment earlier, but wasn’t sure if you received it.

So I met this guy when I travelled to the US for short studies recently. Well, we didn’t exactly meet but we constantly ran into each other in my college and I felt this connection with him. Each time our eyes locked we would stare at each other for a few seconds before I removed my eye. I would constantly freeze around him with my heart beating faster, and one time he smiled at me I just couldn’t smile back, because I froze then I wondered if he thought I was rude and felt bad that I could have used that opportunity to start a conversation or something. And ironically my typical self would have been friendly and gregarious if I wasn’t lovestruck.

Anyway I eventually started saying hi to him and he replied me the first time with the most beautiful smile which was encouraging but I guess he didn’t read anything in it, because subsequently I would always be the one initiating the greeting. Sometimes he won’t even look at me until I say hi. I would run into him on the corridor almost everyday with me noticing him more and not being bold enough to start up a conversation well maybe because it was a school environment and he was a teacher there.

Well long story short I returned to naija, since almost a year, but the problem is I can’t seem to get him off my mind. Note that this guy and I were never introduced, but I got his name off his office door and checked him out on Facebook. I think he is single judging from some fb comments and posts, but I don’t know anything about him really other than he worked at my former school, and I used to see him at my church also. He also seemed to work really hard to have a doctorate at such a young age. The kind of qualities I would love in a man.

So lately I have been contemplating adding him on FB, but then we would have no mutual friends and I don’t wanna come across as weird or worse a stalker, you get my point. Worst case scenario would be if I did add him and he accepted then what next? Or what if he ignored my request. Would i come across as desperate or would it kill my reputation or that of other Nigerians in his department? I don’t know. I had one Nigerian friend in his department but I never told her I liked him.

I feel so confused like I’m chasing shadows. I am single, almost 30 🙂 and keep getting that feeling of you have nothing to lose so why not add him but to be realistic he is miles away so even if there was a chance he liked me how would we handle a long distance relationship and the cultural barriers. Oh did I mention he’s American, phew. Caucasian, but not that I mind though. Maybe I am over thinking and would get over this. I really don’t know. I just wanted to talk to someone. Please don’t laugh at me. Would appreciate your perspective on this and advice.

I happen to have had experiences of being strongly attracted to a few guys in the past, giving them green light yet they wouldn’t still make a move and I would just quit when it begins to get embarrassing. Like a serial unrequited lover girl. I had battled depression in the past but I thank God I came out unscathed. Now I feel more confident and in a good place but the loneliness gets to me a times and I just don’t want to settle for someone I don’t love and vice versa.

So I guess I should know better, but again I feel like what’s the worst that’ll happen if I added this guy? I keep getting this feeling he may like me and perhaps he was just not bold enough to approach me or something. Or maybe I scared him off by always staring at him.

I happen to be beautiful (not bragging) but I don’t know if he is attracted to me, even though I felt so because our eyes constantly locked and held. I know what I felt. Perhaps I should just let go since we are world’s apart.

I wished I talked to him more when I was there, and right now I see FB as the only link to connect with him again but then I don’t know. Please advise. Sorry for the long read.

Thanks.

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