BN Confession Box: I Still Love My Ex, But I Don’t Want My Fiancé to Leave Me

Hi guys, BN Confession Box is a new feature on BellaNaija – curated by Nkem Ndem. The Confession Box is our virtual confessor’s box where BellaNaijarians can let loose and say their deepest and rawest fears.
These letters are from you, and we’ll ensure that your identity is protected. Everybody needs some form of outlet or the other.

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Dear all,

My fiancé has been upset with me for 2 days now. I won’t deny I did something really bad. I called out my ex’s name while we were making love. I don’t even know how that happened. I am always careful and I am not even the noisy type when lovemaking. The way he pushed me off his body, I was shocked. His kind can kill somebody. I couldn’t even lie because where do I start? How do I even deny it? I am filled with so much guilt and fear. I don’t love my fiancé anymore but every time I think of breaking up with him, fear grips me. I imagine him pouring acid on me, stabbing me or setting me on fire like those people you see on Instagram. It is not like my fiancé is a bad man or a wife beater. No. He just does not like to share me and he likes revenge.

I feel so much sadness, because even though I know I don’t love him, I have to marry him. I have been calling him, he is not picking. He reported me to my mother that I insulted him and she has been on my neck thinking it is a small matter.

He has sacrificed so much for me and my family but the truth is, I don’t even know if I ever loved him. He works in the company where my mother serves as a cook and only got my attention after he helped my family out with some serious financial issues we had back then. After helping my family, he started to give me money every month and support my brother’s business too.

It just made sense that I would dump my boyfriend then and agree to marry him when he told me his intentions. I won’t lie, it has been great having his support, but I think I am over him. He is boring and old school. My Ex has been begging me to leave my fiancé and come back to him, but this my boyfriend has no plans of marriage any time soon and has never offered to support me financially.

I just love his person and prefer sex with him, that is all. Honestly, I am just so sad about everything and I hope my fiancé can forgive me. If he rejects me, my mother will never forgive me.

Also, I still have one year before I graduate, and I still need his financial support. I feel so bad. I did not mean to hurt him like this.

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Photo Credit: Darren Baker | Dreamstime.com