BN Confession Box: My Husband’s Ex-Wife Wants to Take My Son…Because She is His Birth Mother

Hi guys, BN Confession Box is a feature on BellaNaija – curated by Nkem Ndem.

The Confession Box is our virtual confessor’s box where BellaNaijarians can let loose and say their deepest and rawest fears.
These letters are from you, and we’ll ensure that your identity is protected. Everybody needs some form of outlet or the other.

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I have read stories in the news about people maltreating their step children, and I have never understood it. Children are a gift from God and should be cherished whether they come through your womb or not. I have always had this mentality. This is why I did not have a problem marrying my late husband, even though he already had a son from his previous marriage. Our son was just 2 years old at that time. His mother had abandoned him and run off to chase after richer men. My husband had no choice to divorce her and move on. When I got married, I took the son as mine and you cannot even tell the difference between him and my own birth children. In fact, when I lost my husband, my family and I had a fight over me taking on the responsibility of the boy in addition to my own two daughters.

Now, almost 12 years since I last saw the brake light of my son’s birth mother, she contacted me on Facebook and sent me a message that she wants to come and collect her son. At first, I ignored the message and some weeks passed. Then she mentioned again that she now lives in the US and wants my son to come and stay with her and her new family. She mentioned that I had not legally adopted my son and if I did not cooperate, she would make things difficult. This second message got me very upset and I replied her that she lost any rights to the son when she turned her back on him and if she was serious she would not be sending Facebook messages, she would be in Nigeria making real efforts. I mentioned this to my son, who is now a teenager, and he said to me he was not interested in traveling with the mother, that I was the only mother he knew.

Yesterday, this lady showed up at my house unannounced. She was with my late husband’s cousin and this broke my heart because none of my late husband’s family had ever supported me or these children since my husband’s death. Now, the same woman they castigated was the one they were bringing to my home. To avoid any scene, I allowed them into my apartment. She brought all manner of stuff for my son and then she gave me an ultimatum that I either cooperate and help with the visa processing for my son to relocate and live with her, or be prepared to give him up in a few days so he can stay with my husband’s cousin until he is ready to travel. I was weak because I knew that with my husband’s people involved, and on her side, my hands were tied.

This boy may not be from my womb, but he is my only son. Yes, I know that traveling to the US would be a great opportunity for him, but it would mean me losing him and not being there to protect him in the case of anything. I mean, who knows what ulterior motive this woman had for the boy. I have told his mother that I will cooperate, but in my mind, I have no intentions of doing so. I feel guilty with this plan I’ve hatched, especially since I may be depriving my son of a better future…but I am his mother. He belongs to me. Am I wrong for wanting to protect him?

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Photo Credit: Kouassi Gilbert Ambeu | Dreamstime