Chantel Netimah: Resist the Urge to Hook Up with Your Ex this Christmas

In this season of jolly jolly it can be tempting to call up an ex or have them call you or text; because at the moment, you think they would want to hear from you (or vice versa) because ‘Christmas season’ ‘season of love’ – everyone is trying to make peace and forgive each other.

You’re cooking up the kind of text to send or if you should call; what to say, how they would respond. Infact some of you have picked the ‘freakum dress’ to wear to that bar where you know you’re likely to bump into them, but pretend that you suddenly have amnesia and didn’t remember they always go there. Okay say you actually get together because ‘happy season’ and then things happen and after ‘happy season’ you’re back to square one and you wonder what happened?

Whatever the scenario might be, this is just an example of how you might find yourself throwing caution to the wind and using Christmas as an excuse to make contact. As tempting as it may seem, making contact is loaded with expectations that more often than not, end in disappointment. I mean it works for some, but not everyone.

Remember! Christmas season – Infact holiday season, only lasts for a few days or weeks, but the repercussions from making contact are likely to last a lot longer. Whether good or bad, it would impact on your sense of self and no doubt sour your memories of a time of year that is really for spending around people who actually give a damn about you and are not just out to get what they want whilst detracting from you.

You may think it’s mean, not to be speaking to someone at Christmas – but the reality is that it’s not. It’s okay to not engage with someone who doesn’t have your best interest at heart. I know we like to think that Christmas is about miracles, but I think when it comes to a relationship that’s dead, we like to push our luck and expect too much. Your perception of what Christmas is different to what another person’s perception is.

The truth is, if someone didn’t act with love, care, respect and trust in the relationship, why do you expect them to suddenly act right not only when they’re out of the relationship but when it’s Christmas?

This is a tricky time of the year and particularly if you’ve been focused on your partner and built a lot of things around them, you may feel like you can’t function without him/her. The very source of your misery will seem like a beacon of light that appears to be your only source of joy because you’re validating yourself off this person and deriving all of your happiness from him/her.

If you’re broken up with someone, and doing the ‘no contact’ rule and you’re finding yourself tempted to make contact, it suggests that whilst you’re not ‘physically’ making contact, mentally you’re still very much embroiled in what you think you both had. You’re still focusing on him/her rather than on you.

We can only learn from experience – you can throw caution to the wind and make contact, if you’re prepared to be real and realize that if things don’t meet your expectations then it’s on you and no time for pity party.

You may feel you have history with an ex so that gives you reason to keep going back, but this doesn’t mean you should repeat history and the quality of the history goes a long way. Use the history of the relationship to draw strength from the fact that you have tried, you’ve made a decision and stand by you and be confident in your decision.

There will be pain ahead particularly if you feel drawn like a moth to a flame but with time and a refocus on you and the other people in your life, comes freedom.

Better to give yourself the gift of freedom this Christmas than the gift of pain in the butt.

Merry Christmas.

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