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Adedoyin Adebayo: My Struggle as a Young Christian Girl

I was very cautious about how I relate with guys – especially when it comes to body contact. I was very careful to talk about certain issues especially where it concerned my family. I guess they felt I was overly ‘spirikoko’ but I never really saw myself as being spiritual not to talk of spirikoko. I was only trying to live out some of the principles I understood from studying the Bible.

Adedoyin Adebayo

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Have you ever been somewhere feeling all confused? All lost wondering what you’re doing there and why you’re there? Have you ever, at some point in your life, been so confused about the whole idea and concept of love even though for the most part of your life, you’ve thought of yourself as a ‘love giver’? I have. Coming from a Christian background and being a good girl/Christian girl, I was taught that God is love. With that understanding, I took it upon myself to love people regardless of their character because God is love!

For a long period of time, I struggled with finding my balance. I think the bitter truth is that a lot of Christians (especially youths) are struggling with finding a balance – a point where everything makes sense and works with regards to:

  • Serving God wholeheartedly, without compromising at all in any way (no matter how little)
  • Having fun and enjoying the beautiful things in life, depending on individual personality.
  • Recognising, filtering and accepting certain doctrines and teachings, most especially teachings that come from ‘Christian leaders’.
  • And ultimately, a lifestyle that works.

Serving God Wholeheartedly 

The subject of serving God wholeheartedly is one that confused me for quite a long period of time. Truth be told, I’d like to think it’s one that has confused and probably is still confusing a lot of youths. I understand that our God is not a God of confusion. He is the God of clarity and understanding and He sheds light on all that is not clear. So why was I confused?

I gave my life to Christ in my first year as an undergraduate. Although I had given my life to Christ, there was still a lot of stuff I didn’t quite understand and things I was trying to figure out, such as the subject of drinking (alcohol), manner of talking (choice of words), mode of dressing, behaviour, what and who to listen to, the kind of company to keep (friends), how to interact with people (especially the opposite sex)… and the list goes on and on.

I made a few Christian friends and felt we were all on the same page in terms of our understanding of the word of God and the ‘Christian lifestyle’. I thought everything was under control. However, things didn’t turn out as I thought they would. I struggled with acceptance and for so long, felt misunderstood. The unpleasant part of the experience was that it came from those I thought I was on the same page with – my ‘Christian friends’.

They said all sorts of things to me and almost made me feel like there was something wrong with me – like I had a problem. To them, I was uptight, secretive, etc. It bothered me so much because I didn’t understand where this was coming from. My belief as a ‘Christian girl’ was that it was important for children of God to guard themselves (their bodies) and to not live a loose lifestyle.

I was very cautious about how I relate with guys – especially when it comes to body contact. I was very careful to talk about certain issues especially where it concerned my family. I guess they felt I was overly ‘spirikoko’ but I never really saw myself as being spiritual not to talk of spirikoko. I was only trying to live out some of the principles I understood from studying the Bible.

As a graduate, transitioning into a proper adult who was working in a corporate environment, dating, etc., I had similar issues and this time, it bothered me much more because it just wasn’t making sense to me. Practically, everyone within my age bracket (including the Christians) were living as they deemed fit. Body contacts were made without reservation, alcohol was consumed in like manner. There was no restraint to their style of dressing and these people were still speaking in tongues. All these confused me and probably almost made me lose my mind. I was so confused and I lived in my own world – not knowing what was right or wrong.

That was where I subconsciously began searching for a meaning to life and ‘finding a balance’. It was time for me to unlearn and relearn what Christianity means. In the process, I lost some friends, made some wrong choices, understood how weak I was, realised how judgemental and/or cold a lot of us (Christians) can be. I felt compassion for people who had gone through or were going through certain situations and was mildly depressed.

To clear some of my confusion, I went and asked one of the people I trusted a question relating to this and the response I got was:

“Every youth is dealing with that issue of serving God wholeheartedly without compromising even in a little way. Nobody really likes to admit it or talk about it but virtually every unmarried youth has challenges overcoming some of these desires of the flesh – regardless of whether they are ‘spirikoko’ or not”.

Now, I don’t know if I should say I’m still searching or I’m done searching with respect to this topic, but something in me tells me there’s a way to find a balance and not compromise in your walk with God. Several times, I made mistakes in my process of searching and even ‘compromised’, but I’m tired of making these mistakes. I just really want to find peace, find this balance and share my learnings with you if you’re going through similar challenges.

Adedoyin is an ambivert, pregnant with so many ideas and is super excited to share them with the rest of the world one step at a time! You may follow her on Twitter - @_Dedoyin, Instagram - @hi.doyin or LinkedIn (via https://www.linkedin.com/in/adedoyinadebayo/ )

14 Comments

  1. Akinyemi

    November 12, 2019 at 3:36 pm

    You are amazing. May God help us Youths of this generation

    3
    • Obaro Angel

      November 13, 2019 at 9:54 am

      This has also been my struggle…. I do feel rejected most times…. Sometimes I feel I am not matured enough….but in all I have learnt to talk to God about my deepest fears, my insecurities, my weakness and all my doubts….truth me,he has been faithful… Even though, I am still at the edge of learning and which I am every open to that …with this article, I feel I am not the only one dealing with uncertainty… I am really proud of you Doyin…keep up the good work

      2
    • didi

      November 16, 2019 at 7:33 pm

      Not having a relationship with the holyspirit makes you struggle becos by STRENGTH SHALL NO MAN PREVAIL” theres a song by KIKI SHEARD”not by might nor by power but by your spirit lord” thrres no reason why you should struggle. Its becos your spirit is weak from lack of the WORD OF GOD and lack of STAYING FILLED IN THE SPIRIT” when you are always full of the spirit of God theres peace, security,confidence and clarity. You just know all things work together for you. Its bound to becos you are in christ Jesus. Uou are COMPLETE you never feel like theres something missing. If its otherwise, check your relatiknship with being always filled in the spirit. This does2mean a boring life. Infact you can be filled and still go yo the beach with your friends.

  2. Sandra

    November 12, 2019 at 3:57 pm

    I can relate to this too. I’ve been here before and at a point it turned out that people I taught were on the same page with me had a very different perspective about me. God help us all.

    3
  3. Theophilud

    November 12, 2019 at 5:34 pm

    Beautiful piece.We learn in part and know in part,in all relying on the leading of the Lord through constant and consistent fellowship of studying,praying and learning like the Berians will help in ‘knowing answers to our questions of identity.Soar sis.

    3
  4. Zionist

    November 12, 2019 at 6:11 pm

    Doing what is right is struggle and we don’t have give up in it becos we fail sometimes.

    2
  5. Zionist

    November 12, 2019 at 6:17 pm

    Doing what is right is a struggle and we don’t have to give up in it becos we fail sometimes.

    1
  6. Deaf Architect

    November 12, 2019 at 8:02 pm

    I can relate to this. I too am looking for balance in the world and honestly I have come to realise some Christian Lifestyle rules are man made and those people that didn’t understand you , they have not matured enough to keep an open mind and realise that we are different individuals. I can say this our Christian lifestyle means loving and accepting those like us and who behave like us if you don’t fit in this mould then same Christians will treat you like an outcast which technically is not supposed to be a Christian thing So it’s not exactly a Christianity thing It’s a human behaviour thing. I know this because I have experienced it. When I went deaf same Christians telling me it’s my fault because I didn’t pray hard enough. Can you imagine people telling you that when you are struggling with deafness? but alas it happened. So go easy on yourself don’t focus on the mistakes you’ve made. Focus on having a closer relationship with God.

    3
    • Adela

      November 13, 2019 at 6:07 pm

      christianity isnt how well you behave plizzzzz!its about your relationship with christ Period!!sometimes he can ask you to marry a prostitute like he asked hosea in hosea1.again,going through some issues doesnt mean you dont pray or fast enough.its not religion.you can do the above and more yet nothing will change.As long as you believe in Him,he loves you even more In your mistakes because those errors make you know it’s not by your power nor your will or might.God is supreme and if he hasnot condemned you don’t do it.only immature or religious Christians think that you go through struggles because you have not done this or that.feel free because the steps of the righteous are guided by him.he can equally lead you to fire like the three Hebrew boys,or to the lions den like Daniel or to your own mistakes just to show you that He is POWER!SHALOM!

      3
  7. Layo

    November 12, 2019 at 9:02 pm

    Hi Doyin,

    I hope this meets you well.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

    I believe all you’re searching for is within. This issue most times is that we’re focusing on our inabilities rather seeing God’s ability within us. Christianity is a spirit-enabled life. Knowing and understanding who you are in Christ preceed what you do.

    You have to Spirit of God to guide and instruct you, you have the word of God to know and understand who you are in Christ.

    Our experiences don’t define who we are. He gave us all that pertains to life and godliness. We are his workmanship created unto good works. He’s able to keep us faultless and keep from falling. It is God who works in us both to will and do of his good pleasures.

    Thank you.

    4
    • didi

      November 16, 2019 at 7:38 pm

      GOD BLESS THE DAY YOU WERE BORN INTO THIS WORLD, for what you have written am proud to be part of the household of God. WORD HMMMMMMMMM

  8. Marix

    November 13, 2019 at 10:56 am

    My dear, I understand you perfectly but I still like to add that living a Godly Christian life won’t be easy but we still have to follow, be guard and guided by the Word of God. God help us all.

    2
  9. Joshua

    November 13, 2019 at 4:36 pm

    This is powerful.
    Increased grace

    1
  10. Timi

    November 13, 2019 at 6:33 pm

    you will always have problem with them you know why because they can’t comprehend you the Bible saysJohn 3:31 He that cometh from above is above all: he that is of the earth is earthly, and speaketh of the earth: he that cometh from heaven is above all.
    no matter how the challenge may be never loose the word of God once they can’t take the word of God from you then you have nothing to lose don’t forget the Bible says John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
    John 1:3 All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.
    if you can take life class all your questions will be answered by the word of God
    because all what humanity lack is definition
    you can call me Sir’s and Ma’s 08081587723

    1

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