So I was at this wedding a couple of months ago. In my mind, I had come for a ghen-ghen wedding’ but little did I know that ‘the wedding’ would turn out to be a bloody waste of time, energy, T-fare, makeup plus the N5000 Ankara material the bride had insisted we must all sew and wear as Asoebis.
My people, we could not find the groom o. The dude vanished!
“He dey come, he dey come” was what we were hearing until eventually, the day drew to an end and the stars started advising us to go and sleep.
Nobody knew where the Oga went and all efforts made to locate his whereabouts that day were fruitless.
I mean- A bride’s worst nightmare.
Me, I have said it, and I am still saying it. In fact I have already started casting and binding every demonic spirit that would want to make my bobo decide that the day of all days that he wants to leave and abandon me, would be my wedding day…in my wedding gown.
Hian! Holy Ghost fire o!
Which kin “I comma-comma” story be that? No O! Cast and Bind abeg!
You need to have seen the bride that day, she was hysterical and I felt so sorry for her. No one saw her again after that day until we started hearing gists of how the groom had shrunk back to beg for forgiveness.
What happened? Oga said He had cold feet.
Hian! Cold feet?
He said that while he had been anxiously/nervously putting on his tuxedo, his uncle had showed up in his dressing room and advised him:
“My son, remember what I have been telling you? Marriage is not easy at all. In fact, it is only sweet after the first two to three years give or take. So just start preparing your mind…Marriage is all about tolerance”
And that was why he disappeared.
At first, when I heard the story I was like “Gerrahere! What kinda cock and bull excuse is that? Abeggie! Instead of the bobo to say he changed his mind and didn’t want to wife the girl again, he is there saying gini?”
A friend of mine said that the uncle must have been jealous or doing kpokus with the dude’s babe behind his back and was just simply looking for a way to ruin the wedding which by the way, worked.
Some of my other friends even insisted that the uncle must have used jazz to deceive the dude; to hear something like this:
“Run for your life Onyedikachi! …Run! Run!”
And so he ran!
But whatever the case might have been, it was still a terrible thing for the dude to have left his bride at the altar with the whole world watching. In fact, it is a terrible thing for anyone to leave their fiancee/fiance at the altar. To me, if you notice that your feet are starting to get cold, all you simply have to do is put them on top a burning stove; Shikena! Let them get warm.
Which one is cold feet?
This even reminds me. Please I want to use this medium to beg all our already married brothers and sisters. You people need to stop jinxing this whole marriage thing for us(singles) bikonu especially when it has stressed beyond the said two to three years.
Eh we know…we know that marriage is ‘all’ about tolerance. We know that husband and wife fight all the time. We know that eventually the love would die and it would only be the friendship that exists. We know that children would come and then the couple may not always spend quality time together. We know that sex would not be as before and might eventually dwindle to just once a week or none at all for months. We also know that there would definitely be money issues, extended family conflicts, mother-in-law wahala, sister/brothers impromptu visits and sudden intrusion(if you know what I mean) and then of course, arguments about which side of the toothpaste to press and who should wash the toilet.
Thank you, we know…STOP SCARING US!
However, in the process of highlighting all those difficulties, biko do not forget to mention the privileges, prestige and benefits attached to being married. I cannot count how many times I have wanted to take the front seat of my colleague’s car only to be passed to the backseat because a ‘Mrs’ wanted to join us. When it is even time for promotions or increase in pay, it is the Mr/Mrs they actually consider first and so the rest of us should go and sit down on the bench.
Also, don’t forget to tell us how refreshing it is to have free and guiltless kpokus(I mean it is the high point of everything ni and the dream of every born-again single brother/sister) and then there are of course the other benefits: companionship, lifetime friendship, trust, procreation, security, partnership and love.
But what’s your thought oh jawe? Have you ever had cold feet? Do you think it is a justifiable reason to stand your fiance/fiancee at the altar?
If unfortunately- God forbid-your boo/bae stands you at the altar, would you forgive him/her and still go ahead to marry them? I mean what will you do? Would really love to know your thoughts.
Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Robert Byron