Connect with us

Features

Quincy Iwediokpulu: Having Cold Feet before the Wedding?

Published

 on

So I was at this wedding a couple of months ago. In my mind, I had come for a ghen-ghen wedding’ but little did I know that ‘the wedding’ would turn out to be a bloody waste of time, energy, T-fare, makeup plus the N5000 Ankara material the bride had insisted we must all sew and wear as Asoebis.

My people, we could not find the groom o.  The dude vanished!

“He dey come, he dey come” was what we were hearing until eventually, the day drew to an end and the stars started advising us to go and sleep.

Nobody knew where the Oga went and all efforts made to locate his whereabouts that day were fruitless.

I mean- A bride’s worst nightmare.

Me, I have  said it, and I am still saying it. In fact I have already started casting and binding every demonic spirit that would want to make my bobo decide that the day of all days that he wants to leave and abandon me, would be my wedding day…in my wedding gown.

Hian! Holy Ghost fire o!

Which kin “I comma-comma” story be that? No O! Cast and Bind abeg!

You need to have seen the bride that day, she was hysterical and I felt so sorry for her. No one saw her again after that day until we started hearing gists of how the groom had shrunk back to beg for forgiveness.

What happened?  Oga said He had cold feet.

Hian! Cold feet?

He said that while he had been anxiously/nervously putting on his tuxedo, his uncle had showed up in his dressing room and advised him:

“My son, remember what I have been telling you? Marriage is not easy at all. In fact, it is only sweet after the first two to three years give or take. So just start preparing your mind…Marriage is all about tolerance”

And that was why he disappeared.

Hian!

At first, when I heard the story I was like “Gerrahere! What kinda cock and bull excuse is that? Abeggie! Instead of the bobo to say he changed his mind and didn’t want to wife the girl again, he is there saying gini?”

A friend of mine said that the uncle must have been jealous or doing kpokus with the dude’s babe behind his back and was just simply looking for a way to ruin the wedding which by the way, worked.

Some of my other friends even insisted that the uncle must have used jazz to deceive the dude; to hear something like this:

 “Run for your life Onyedikachi! …Run! Run!”

And so he ran!

But whatever the case might have been, it was still a terrible thing for the dude to have left his bride at the altar with the whole world watching. In fact, it is a terrible thing for anyone to leave their fiancee/fiance at the altar. To me, if you notice that your feet are starting to get cold, all you simply have to do is put them on top a burning stove; Shikena! Let them get warm.

Which one is cold feet?

This even reminds me. Please I want to use this medium to beg all our already married brothers and sisters. You people need to stop jinxing this whole marriage thing for us(singles) bikonu especially when it has stressed beyond the said two to three years.

Eh we know…we know that marriage is ‘all’ about tolerance. We know that husband and wife fight all the time. We know that eventually the love would die and it would only be the friendship that exists. We know that children would come and then the couple may not always spend quality time together. We know that sex would not be as before and might eventually dwindle to just once a week or none at all for months. We also know that there would definitely be money issues, extended family conflicts, mother-in-law wahala, sister/brothers impromptu visits and sudden intrusion(if you know what I mean) and then of course, arguments about which side of the toothpaste to press and who should wash the toilet.

Thank you, we know…STOP SCARING US!

However, in the process of highlighting all those difficulties, biko do not forget to mention the privileges, prestige and benefits attached to being married. I cannot count how many times I have wanted to take the front seat of my colleague’s car only to be passed to the backseat because a ‘Mrs’ wanted to join us. When it is even time for promotions or increase in pay, it is the Mr/Mrs they actually consider first and so the rest of us should go and sit  down on the bench.

Also, don’t forget to tell us how refreshing it is to have free and guiltless kpokus(I mean it is the high point of everything ni and the dream of every born-again single brother/sister) and then there are of course the other benefits: companionship, lifetime friendship, trust, procreation, security, partnership and love.

But what’s your thought oh jawe? Have you ever had cold feet? Do you think it is a justifiable reason to stand your fiance/fiancee at the altar?

If unfortunately- God forbid-your boo/bae stands you at the altar, would you forgive him/her and still go ahead to marry them? I mean what will you do? Would really love to know your thoughts.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Robert Byron

Quincy Iwediokpulu is an Upcoming writer, fashion designer and an Accountant by profession. she owns and manage a blog called “The Q EFFECTZ” @ https://www.theqeffectz.com where she teaches interested individuals how to make cloth patterns, D.I.Ys and also likes to gist about life issues

54 Comments

  1. Joan85

    October 3, 2015 at 2:54 am

    hahahah I love it!!!
    I’m getting married in a few months and there are a number of people who feel the need to emphasize at every opportunity that marriage is hard and tough and painful; one even said to me one day, “my dear congrats. Everyone deserves a chance at misery in this life, right?” Ha you should have heard me shouting “I reject it!” looooool
    Marriage has its ups and downs, but it is also sweet when it is built on the right foundation and both parties are committed to waking up every morning & and choosing their spouse all over again.
    Abeg marriage is sweet, leave it there. No need to discourage us unmarried people lol

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 8:24 am

      Yes O!…Me i’m tired of hearing it…L’us all get married first jor! lolx

  2. MIA

    October 3, 2015 at 3:17 am

    I don’t know what I will do ohh. I mean that has to be scary. I actually think I will do the cold feet thing?. Marriage freaks me out seriously I wish I can be like other girls and start wanting to get married.

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 8:45 am

      Aww darling…well I do hope as time goes, you’ll get over the fear IJN

  3. Hesey

    October 3, 2015 at 5:58 am

    Lol. Hilarious/well written article. Me i wont forgive ooo. So from the wedding planning phase, his cold feet didnt allow him to cancel, it is that main day. God forbid. I am even fearing sef….lol. I’m getting married in two weeks, let me start binding any ‘uncle’. I dont see any reason why you agreed to marry someone and then after all the preparations, you bail out on the D-day. Its not acceptable at all. I ask bae like every two days ‘are you sure’?. I dont want to see myself on Linda ikeji crying abeg.

    • miini

      October 3, 2015 at 9:16 am

      Lmaoo @Linda ikeji crying. I rebuke and reject that for u Sista!
      Hilarious and engaging article, simple and straightforward. Love it.
      So I have realized that things are not always in black and white, and obviously, bobo’s fear was strong enuff to cause him to run. I get that feeling sometimes where I just wanna suspend in space and observe myself living my life. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love bae, it just means d fear instilled by ds so called uncle caused him to snap.
      Will I forgive bae? I guess I will. Will I be scared that he will snap again someday, maybe when I’m in d labour ward or something, yeah I will. But it’s all life and it ain’t perfect and we all got fears and we all need each other.
      I think couples need to realistically talk about all ds fears, the ‘After Marriage Syndrome’ and how they hope to avoid the avoidales and deal with d unavoidables. It sudnt be all about the mushy lovey feeling all d time, ds shii is real! Emotions are a huge component of our being, it sud always be analysed and dealt. Let’s talk abt it!
      I do wish ur friend and her boo all d best. Hope they resolve their issues and live happily ever after, hehe.

    • bn lover

      October 3, 2015 at 11:38 am

      Hahahhahahhahahhaa ur comment just finished me. But God 4bid,it is not ur portion. U shall not be crying on Linda ikeji but laughing and celebrating!

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 8:47 am

      Amen o!…Nothing will happen IJN.

  4. Mizzy

    October 3, 2015 at 7:01 am

    There’s nthng lik cold feet abeg, it’s eida u want 2 gt married or u dnt want 2. Deres nthng dts easy under d sun jor. If d guy gts cold feet, wt wuld deh xpct d girl 2 av?

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 8:49 am

      Toh! cold feet ko, cold feet ni!

    • Royalty

      October 5, 2015 at 11:43 am

      Gbam. Well said dear.
      Lovely article BTW

  5. Adenike

    October 3, 2015 at 7:36 am

    Talk about free and guiltless kpokus…LOL??! God forbid such scenario, but I would forgive whoever leaves me at the altar, but can’t marry them on a platter of gold. That action alone tells me that the person may not be able to handle the trying times- the person will just up and leave without a word. I feel it’s best to do a lot of soul searching, before the wedding day, but even if you fool yourself till that day, courtesy demands an apology before the day begins.

  6. Kay

    October 3, 2015 at 9:19 am

    Mehn, Quincy i needed this laugh, with this bomb blast here in kuje its been nerve wrecking.
    God forbid oo but bobo cant do such, if he does i will personally castrate him, then leave him for God to handle. Like Hesey said, right from when serious preparations started, e no get cold abi na ice feet, its now on the D-day… i had better not think or even imagine it. It aint my potion in Jesus Nameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Looking forward to the ‘free and guiltess kpokus’ part, hehehe

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 8:51 am

      lolx…yes o! it is the main thing my dear…

  7. 2 cent

    October 3, 2015 at 9:31 am

    @Poster, the married sisters take on marriage has nothing on the married guys, I tell you.
    I have loads of married young male friends (am not into female clique) and if you hear them talk, you will wonder “what’s the point exactly”. They’re all newlywed and their views is a lot to take in especially for a hopless romantic like me.
    You will hear them say stuff like- “Marriage is not who you’re with, it’s where you’re at so whoever you’re with at that I want to get married stage, you go ahead and marry.
    “There’s no way you’ll not cheat, why wait start early”.
    “There’s no good woman, they’re all the same thing “.
    Hanging with this people is a real eye opener, I swear. Makes you wonder, why do we get married? Mstewww……..
    Funny thing is one of them is even getting married next week, e don already get side piece wey go follow am travel to warri for the wedding. The lord is our strength ladies.

    • Funmi

      October 3, 2015 at 10:32 pm

      I think you should change your group of friends.

      Ps: You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 8:52 am

      Yes o! the Lord is our strength…and may all our marriages turn out blessed and beautiful.

  8. ellen

    October 3, 2015 at 9:42 am

    Really Hilarious….cold feet or warm feet I just want to meet that special someone finish….heheheheheheheheehehe

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 8:53 am

      I’m with you oh jawe @Ellen… I am right behind you

    • Avelable

      October 7, 2015 at 7:44 pm

      Abi…?

  9. Rayva

    October 3, 2015 at 10:00 am

    I know am gonna have cold feet on my Big…………I might even add the Runaway Bride scenario to give more suspense/intrigue to my guest. So a little side note to my Boo…………..lets just elope or chain me down that day till I have said the “I do”.

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 8:54 am

      @Rayva hahahahahahahaha

  10. jasmine

    October 3, 2015 at 10:26 am

    Exactly o. Always scaring us. Shey marriage is not the same thing as those that av been dating and living for almost 10years and also av a child but not married? Is it not the same marriage that my parents av been in but av never seen them quarrel in front of us the kids? I go marry and my marriage will last in Jesus Name, amen. That dude must be mad. I won’t take him back for anything in the world. Which one is cold feet? If u want to do something, u will. Coldfeet or not

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 8:55 am

      hahahahaa…I tire o….thanks for reading jawe @jasmine

  11. Suwa

    October 3, 2015 at 11:58 am

    Don’t mind all the married people scaring us with “If I hand known bla bla bla”.. Lovely article.

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 8:56 am

      Thanks dear. Really do appreciate your comment @suwa

  12. zarah oh

    October 3, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    Mehn I weeeee just faint and not wake up until I hear it’s a dream.
    Buh den it is over .

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 8:57 am

      hahahahaha… @zarah. we will pour you water…You must wake o!

  13. kanyin

    October 3, 2015 at 1:27 pm

    Looool @ “don’t forget to tell us how refreshing it is to have free and guiltless kpokus(I mean it is the high point of everything ni and the dream of every born-again single brother/sister) “…
    i’m soo looking forward to that o jare… and I hope it’ll be awesome! looool…

    Ngwanu! Married people… shey you af “year”! stop scaring us! My mom makes it a point of duty to emphasize it that marriage is beautiful when you’re married to the right person. I always hold on to that.
    Nice read! 🙂

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 8:58 am

      @kanyin thanks love. I’m glad you enjoyed it

  14. Lady

    October 3, 2015 at 2:02 pm

    Marriage is just continuing your every day living, it has its up and downs. You work to earn a salary, you study to pass exams in school, same way you work, study and pray in marriage.

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 8:58 am

      @lady Thanks dearie…Well-said

  15. demashi

    October 3, 2015 at 2:15 pm

    Almost everyone develops cold feet in the run up to a wedding and it’s pretty much due to the fact that you don’t know what to expect. I started feeling anxious when my intro date was set and I got the prefect alibi when my fiancee (now wife) screamed at me 3 weeks to the date – I called it off. I was free, or so i thought. Not until a friend called that my wife had become a nervous wreck and couldn’t get a thing done at work. A couple of days later she called sounding despondent on the phone, I was adamant. A week later, my sisters in law called to talk to me and my wonderful MIL rounding up by asking if the date was sacrosanct, I said Yes. That’s almost 12 years now, we’ve had challenges but have been so blessed. So if you wanna bail, be absolutely sure and don’t wait till the wedding day. It happened to an acquaintance and that’s callous.

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 9:00 am

      @demashi thanks darling…Really do appreciate your thoughts…

  16. nunulicious

    October 3, 2015 at 2:23 pm

    My dude had cold feet! The wedding was initially scheduled for December and by the time we were rounding up our marriage class in October thereabout, the counsellor had to express his doubt to the pastorate and the elder council.
    The reason? he had a warped view about married life. First, he unlike me knew so many older couples who were just tolerating each other, knew so many people who were divorced and separated. Secondly, to compound the matter, a couple of our mutual friends who had recently married were already having issues 8 months, 1 year into their marital life.
    His question was why would he want to willingly subject himself to an institution where there are so many negative reports about it? and for those who encouraged him to believe his would be happy, his response was what makes his own case different that he will be the exception to the “tolerating” rule? He also asked, if you don’t “tolerate/compromise” your girlfriend, what is it about crossing the marriage line that one now has to tolerate your wife?
    Long story oh and since I am not a marriage counsellor I cannot advice I can only say a few things that we did. We had several lengthy discussions about EXPECTATIONS in marriage; we both had to come to a resolution that our marital life would not be one of tolerating/managing. We haven’t had a quarrel/argument/fight/cross word/in years and we surround ourselves with only positive news, we don’t allow stories that touch into our personal space oh.
    We eventually got married June the following year and believe you me, it’s been so F*****kng amazing! and I bless God for that.

    • maromec

      October 3, 2015 at 3:12 pm

      My Dear all this laws wont help you guys
      Just mark what i said today …
      The later effect is worse…
      did you say no argument at all in years?
      common please be real and enjoy your marriage
      Arguments can happen,Even siblings argue
      Are you scared of him walking away because of his tolerance talk?
      hmmn am so scared for you
      Wish you well

    • Tamara

      October 4, 2015 at 11:53 pm

      I am going to hold on to this. I also am scared of marriage but I am willing to work on my fears.

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 9:01 am

      @nunulicious niceeeeeeee….thanks for sharing dear..

  17. nunulicious

    October 3, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    My dude had cold feet! (Bear in mind that we had dated for about 9 years) The wedding was initially scheduled for December and by the time we were rounding up our marriage class in October thereabout, even the counsellor had to express his doubt to the pastorate and the elder council.

    The reason? he had a warped view about married life. First, he unlike me knew so many older couples who were just tolerating each other, knew so many people who were divorced and separated. Secondly, to compound the matter, a couple of our mutual friends who had recently married were already having issues 8 months, 1 year into their marital life.
    His question was why would he want to willingly subject himself to an institution where there are so many negative reports about it? and for those who encouraged him to believe his would be happy, his response was what makes his own case different that he will be the exception to the “tolerating” rule? He also asked, if you don’t “tolerate/compromise” your girlfriend, what is it about crossing the marriage line that one now has to tolerate your wife? meanwhile, And fellow BNers, we were relatively happy in our 9 years of dating (we had only 2 quarrels/argument/issues in those 9 years) but that marriage line freaked him out mehn!

    Long story oh and since I am not a marriage counsellor I cannot advice I can only say a few things that we did. We had several lengthy discussions about EXPECTATIONS in marriage; we both had to come to a resolution that our marital life would not be one of tolerating/managing. We haven’t had a quarrel/argument/fight/cross word/in years and we surround ourselves with only positive news, we don’t allow stories that touch into our personal space oh.
    We eventually got married June the following year and believe you me, it’s been so F*****kng amazing! and I bless God for that.

  18. nunulicious

    October 3, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    sorry moderator, I had to include some other info, maybe you can delete the first one and retain the second comment.

  19. maromec

    October 3, 2015 at 3:06 pm

    So how do you know marriage is sweet when you have never experienced it?
    Are just trying to say good things to yourself
    Its good to be positive anyway

  20. nanapearl

    October 3, 2015 at 5:33 pm

    Mia u so funny dearie

  21. nunulicious

    October 3, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    Maromec,
    Ever since I started my current profession, 8 years ago, I have NEVER had a cross word/argument/fight/quarrel with any of my colleagues. They are of diverse kinds, temperament, age, religion, tribes and beliefs. Some I like, some I love, some I relate with but I have never had a quarrel with any of them.
    Now if I am able to relate cordially with work professionals why can I not extend the same courtesy to my family in this case my husband who has the most important relationship with me in the entire world?!
    I and my husband have CHOSEN not to ever argue/quarrel. We have successfully done so over the past years.
    Mbok, this is my reality, if the reverse applies to you, carry on but please save the prophecy of doom for yourself.

    • Maromec

      October 4, 2015 at 11:34 pm

      See your examples
      Colleagues?
      Why not siblings or roommates back in uni
      I will keep praying for you
      Keep walking on Eggshells
      Gu nite(In my daughters voice)

  22. Mama loves her girl

    October 3, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    I don’t know if marriage is sweet or not, I have no idea. But one thing I’m almost certain of is there are more unhappy marriages than happy ones. A conclusion I reached from close observation of a seemingly representative sample. I sincerely have 0 desire to get married, I have an adopted daughter and she’s the most beautiful being in the world. Its better this way, just both of us and we’re very happy. The only thing is that sometimes when my daughter is asleep by like 6pm, it can really get lonely from that time till I sleep at 11pm, and when good or bad stuff happen at work, I have nobody to share it with or laugh with. My friends might not have that time. But then I remember that my mom had my dad but they never talked, same with my aunties and uncles and family friends who had their spouses but we’re still lonely added with a dash of misery. Abeg I don’t blame him for running, it’s better to run than be trapped, unhappy and miserable.A marriage that never happened is better than one you wish never happened. Marriage I heard can be good but I think that only applies to few.Its better to be realistic than delude yourself of the existence of a paradise you’ve neither seen nor entered.Its better for the person to run than subject the other person to a miserable life. Some people have great marriages and if you’re risk taker then you can go into one.

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 9:12 am

      @mama loves her girl thanks so much for sharing. Really do appreciate.

  23. ACE

    October 3, 2015 at 7:12 pm

    Godforbid ! It’s not my portion, I don’t want to think of it cos it won’t happen, all my mid night prayers, God has answered. I don’t even wish it for my enemies. On side wow! Abeg oh!

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 9:08 am

      @Ace Amen o!!!!!!!!!!

  24. disworld

    October 4, 2015 at 7:18 pm

    It’s only those who married wrongly or make wrong choices that want to scare singles away from marriage. Married people, we appreciate all you have said but leave us alone to marry whom we want to marry and in case u want to advise us, Pls do so with love and not in hatred. This similar tin had happened to me before. I met a guy and we had even started discussing marriage. Suddenly, he travelled to his village and his uncle told him dat d girl he wanted to marry did juju for him and immediately dis guy developed cold feet and refused talking to me for weeks and when I asked him what happened, he would tell me nothing. Finally, he opened up and told me what his uncle had told him and he also said he thought all girls are the same and asked me to forgive him. My dear, if u see as I take shun am eh? E eye clear to see main road. Imagine him using his uncle’s story to compare ours. Na wah ooooo. I have told him I don’t trust him again and he should get d hell out of my sight. Today, he cries and wails like a baby wanting to return but something tells me dat if he developed cold feet then he can develop colder feet again and again. I am so done with dat relationship. Uncles or family members, both married and unmarried please leave us to marry in peace. Stop putting pepper inside our eyes biko. No be me send Una to make wrong choices or marry wrongly. Ah ah.

    • Quincy Iwediokpulu

      October 5, 2015 at 9:10 am

      Yes o!…thanks o jawe for sharing

  25. disworld

    October 4, 2015 at 8:17 pm

    BN y Una dey delete person write up self? Na wa oooo

  26. Royalty

    October 5, 2015 at 11:48 am

    Bottom line…Single ladies, marry a man and not a Boy. And this is not by age. Great write up Q

  27. Uwamukiza

    October 8, 2015 at 8:22 pm

    Lol hahaha this post made my day….very well written.. and I love all the comments!!

  28. Lolly

    October 12, 2015 at 4:29 am

    No b only cold feet, frozen legs nko? May the Lord de freeze them IJN!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Get The Pan-Atlantic Advantage

Star Features

Advertisement
css.php