BN Hot Topic: Pants Down! Now That You’ve Been Caught, What Next?

Posted on Thursday, August 30th, 2012 at 4:16 PM

By Atoke

You guys, this thing isn’t even funny again! Seriously, I don’t have a topic for today. No hot, no warm… not even cold topic sef! I’m completely empty and it’s not for lack of efforts. I was discussing with the team about what we should talk about. You know I’ve already established that we like to switch things up a bit. Love, lifestyle, academics, religion, love…. somehow or the other the matter always comes back to love/relationship matters. What did we talk about last week? I can’t even remember anymore. It’s not like my mind is that porous (okay maybe it is a little porous but hey!) but there’s so much to think about and do. I’m at the point where I’m going to throw this BN Hot Topic matter to you wonderful readers of BellaNaija.com. If you have any thing you’d like us to discuss and talk about on the BN Hot Topic please send an email to team(at)bellanaija(dot)com or features(at)bellanaija(dot)com. We’re always happy to read from our readers and contributors are ALWAYS welcome.

So, having established that I’m going to be winging it this afternoon, please bear with me as we talk about the recent developments on social media. The Battabox video went viral and all the ‘cool kids’ of the online  community have latched onto it. For me, I was curious as to how these women would go back and face their men (real or imagined). If you found out that your man/woman was cheating and it was all over the internet how would you react? A few years ago, my friend found out that her boyfriend of 6 years had been cheating serially, and here they were about to get married. In her despair, my friend wanted out of the relationship. To her, trust and fidelity were the fulcrum of a good relationship and if that wasn’t there, then she wasn’t willing to go on with the proposed marriage. One of her aunts called her aside and told her that “all men cheat, it’s how you manage your situation that is different. There’s no reason why you should throw one man away because he cheats. How many do you want to discard?” It wasn’t the first I’d heard that kind of advice from older people. They supposedly know better than the younger folk..No?

I’m not trying to psycho-analyze why men cheat, TJ already tried to do that here. Neither am I trying to rant about the ills of cheating, Glory already did that here .I’m just curious as to what happens after! Do you walk out? Do you try to mend things? Do you confess to your priest? How do you deal with the breach of trust that has been reposed in another person?

As always, I like to see what it feels like when the shoe is on the other foot, I wondered aloud about how men handle when their wives cheat and someone told us of how a guy found out his wife was cheating and when he confronted her she confirmed that she was unhappy and dude went out and got her a nice new car.

So what do you do when you know that your lover/partner/husband-wife has been unfaithful? After that initial stage of outrage and betrayal do you think of the other ‘positive’ sides of the relationship or is cheating an absolute No-No?

What do you guys think?

Photo credit:theboxhouston.com

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  • 113 Comments on “BN Hot Topic: Pants Down! Now That You’ve Been Caught, What Next?”

    Comments
    • klaw August 30, 2012 at 4:27 PM

      it all depends on the parties involved…commitment levels and other emotional statistics..however if a gun is available….may jos b a bullet less….

      • ada August 31, 2012 at 1:54 PM

        i cheat on my husband bcos he deceived me into marring him…if i av my way i will leave d marriage…he is fat with small pinis and i didnt mind all that cos he was giving me head b4 we got married. after we got married he stopped n he said he doesnt like doing it…now am stuck with a guy dat can never satisfy me emotionally..there r other things dat makes me cheat on him…he bits his nail,he baths once a day(i wonder y he doesnt smell), he doesnt care about cleanliness….i never get arouse bcos of all these…he is so annoying

        • Mz Socially Awkward... August 31, 2012 at 2:43 PM

          Hot Damn!! Sometimes, words are just not enough….

        • partyrider August 31, 2012 at 5:50 PM

          oh my days! so were your eyes closed before you got married that you didnt see all these things? smh don’t try to justify adultery ..wow!

        • immortalteddy September 13, 2012 at 3:51 PM

          LMAOOOOOOO

      • toyin September 3, 2012 at 4:10 PM

        Atoke….i read the first 3/4 comments and thought i cant do this anymore
        PLEASE abeg ! can u write a a post from a mans point of view……….a man that maybe strayed from his wicked ways.

        arent u tired of reading the same cheating story, OMD! its on every blog, that exact same story but with different names

        pls let hear from a man this time
        something new
        something that will add value to our lives
        PLEASE!!!!

      • Iphie September 26, 2012 at 7:30 AM

        lol!

    • Stellamaris August 30, 2012 at 4:52 PM

      Iudgmnt is relative,depends on d prsns involvd. I feel dere nids 2 b a dialogue btw dem bcos infidelity is no littl betrayal

    • Cherish August 30, 2012 at 5:53 PM

      If the other partner shows remorse, i think it is sth that can b worked out. Bcos in reality it takes d grace of God for men to b faithful

    • triangle August 30, 2012 at 6:06 PM

      Personally, when I encountered such a situation early on in my relationship (I’m not married), my first thought was to dump him & move on. However on 2nd thought, I realised I couldn’t lose him, I understood d situation for what it was, and I fought for my relationship and there’s no day I don’t thank God I did.

      His cheating wasn’t the pants-down-caught-cheating kind. He had interest in another Chic, and wanted to break things off. He told me it didn’t move further than a kiss. Well, let’s jst say he came back to his senses:)

      That was 4yrs ago, we are about to get married. He’s the best person one can ever have and I thank God I didn’t just throw what we had away. My point in all these is that, most times men do these things to see how committed we are. He always tells me that he came back to me because I fought for him. That he’ll forever cherish me because I didn’t let go. Since then, he hasn’t stepped out even a bit or a glance the other way.

      Like they say anyway, different strokes for different folks. Some people might attack me for this. Well, it worked for me!

    • PH Boy August 30, 2012 at 7:07 PM

      men men men again! Leave us alone naw, we’re always been made out to be the culprit. After watching this clip, i have been very troubled.
      http://www.bellanaija.com/2012/08/29/how-many-boyfriends-can-a-nigerian-girl-have-battabox-finds-out-watch-the-video-on-bn/
      Nevertheless not all cheats are pervs, some just want attention.

      • gimmer August 31, 2012 at 3:00 AM

        pele PH Boy…. I have a feeling you are a good and different guy but there are too many horrible men out there, they tend to overshadow the few good ones. but on a light note, women learned from the best…men. lol

    • habba! August 30, 2012 at 7:21 PM

      Nigerian women are beyond desperate for marriage soo i know that they would turn the other cheek and accept it! thats why even tho the men are married they come to secondary skols and find 16yr old girl friend! or to uni campus for young girl

    • Lola August 30, 2012 at 10:47 PM

      @Triangle. So, what happens the next time after you r married and it goes beyond a kiss. Marriage they say sometimes changes people, because its not the same as a relationship, and u will find that more married men cheat, than single men. That’s a given.

      It also makes me laugh when i hear women like you rationalise it for the guy. No be u commit offense o, but na u go find the reason, behind it, to convince yourself, so that you are okay with it. Imagine the BS o, men do these things to see how commited we are. What kind of warped reasoning is that. If you had cheated, would he have been okay with, you did it to see how committed he is. Abeg jare go sitdon. U accepted it once, then u guys were dating, madam, you’ll accept it again. This time you have a marriage at stake, so please don’t pat youself on the back o. Oh, so he was happy you fought for him, that’s why he came back. It wasn’t up to u my dear, a man that will stray will stray. They will always come back, when they know a door is open for them. I bet you, he’ll use that excuse again. He gave u a textbook answer that guys give, when you forgive them.

      I think a guy either has the cheating “gene” or he doesn’t. Those that let themselves stray, even if its just emotionally, will do it again, when the conditions or circumstances set the the stage for them to cheat. Its just Grace. Never believe that it is up to u as the woman to prevent him from cheating, or because u forgave him once, twice, a gazilion times, so he won’t do it again. U r only setting yourself up to be jaded, cos it is not in your control. He is an adult male, and if fidelity doesn’t mean much to him, there’s nothing u can do about it. So, don’t allocate yourself unnecessary responsibilty a

      • Ife August 31, 2012 at 10:38 AM

        U appear to be single…forgive me if im wrong. Its her choice ma’am so no need to try convincing her. Some men are cheats however some cheat once and would not do it again. Im happily married and while dating my boyfriend now husband kinda strayed once. Y did he? My mom wasnt in support of the relationship and he had this old girlfriend he dated for almost 6yrs. The girl was Igbo, when he returned to the country her parents told him the girl kept refusing suitors and so he has to marry her. He loved me but felt he wld be cherished in this family and not have to live up to any expectation in mine. Also he felt it was the right thing to do since the girl in question “claimed” she truly waited 3yrs for him. I fought well trust me, i relocated to Nigeria only to hear story, i fought. We decided to break up since my mom was yielding and he was being pressured by the other girl’s family. End of the day, he went back to her, i dated another trying to heal from heartbreak…we dnt last 2months, we ended up together and have been happily married…..so wld u say I was a fool for taking him back? or cos i dated another, our mistakes cancelled out?
        This issue is kinda grey, not black or white….you get men who never cheated in relationships cheating in marriage, cheats being great husbands and never stepping out. So i’ve concluded u cant help anyone. Look at your own situation, decide and to hell with others…..

        • Tolu August 31, 2012 at 6:42 PM

          abeg your issue does not qualify as cheating jo!

        • Sola August 31, 2012 at 11:39 PM

          Lola is right, and what does *you are not married have to do ith this*. Such an ignorant comment. Abeg have a few seats Joh. Just state your case and keep it moving o mrs. married. *hissss* ….. Btw, I am married.

        • IVORY CHI September 2, 2012 at 1:03 PM

          Is that what your calling cheating….then i also believe that your ability to understand and use english is also a GREY area.

          Secondly, Lola is totally right and lastly, I dont understand why people say, we have been married happily for 6 years and no cheating..yes we thank God, but no one knows tomorrow now, how does that justify anything?

        • hateunrealisticpple September 13, 2012 at 6:44 PM

          sola i can bet my last kobo that you are not married or in a relationship. If you were, you will know what it means to fight for what you love.

      • Teris August 31, 2012 at 11:25 AM

        joo, u answered that right.
        (aghast and spluttering!! @triangle)

      • damsycal September 5, 2012 at 4:14 PM

        You really spoke my mind.thumbs up.If he has done once ,he will do it again.

    • dee August 31, 2012 at 12:20 AM

      mine cheated, with an ex, and i only found out because i went digging, he was good at hiding it and still is, and no i am not a dooe mat, i have just proritised, he is avery good father and am sure as heck not going to deny my kids that, so long as it is not in my face and i am not disrespected then i am willing to put up and give my kids a secure-enough upbringing.

    • dee August 31, 2012 at 12:24 AM

      by the way dont get me wrong, it hurts and it hurts bad, it is a rejection at a very basic level, a part of you dies the day you find out and its been 4 years, and it still hurts, oh and they are still at it but you know what? i am a mother and i will do absolutely anything for my kids, and this is where i weigh the scales, and for me an affair does not tip the scale against………yet

      • Ife August 31, 2012 at 10:54 AM

        Im so sorry, may the Lord change his heart. However while waiting for this change, pls scare your husband. Oh mine knows, i tell him im still very much in the market o…and i am o, even after kids. GO out with your girlfriends, go clubbing (if u pple like crucify me), karoke nights, leave the kids home with good hands but let him know you have a life besides him. I hope you still have your old friends, thats another problem with Nigerian women – get married, have kids and dnt need their friends no more. We sure do! pls never fight the other woman.

        • dee September 5, 2012 at 5:54 PM

          is it me? yes oh i have a fulfilled life, i work, am studying for a phd, i just refuse to let it ruin my life, i have a great family also. and he knows not to openly disrespect me thanks though

    • gimmer August 31, 2012 at 3:14 AM

      i just feel the utmost loss of dignity is to take a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend back. by doing so, you are setting a bad precedent and that cheating partner will only take that gesture as a “silent agreement” that cheating is not a dealbreaker. Not only are you selling yourself cheap, you are selling other men and women cheap because when this cheating partner finally leaves you, he will go and try the same crap with his /her next partner because you have demonstrated that there is a general understanding when it comes to infidelity. No wonder the vicious cycle continues to haunts us all…both men and women.

      Now i understand its tougher to walk away from a cheating husband or wife after you’ve been married with kids…there is a whole lot of other factors to be considered here. However when you are dating a guy/girl (supposed honeymoon phase) and he or she has a hard time staying faithful, pls don’t expect things to miraculously get better when you sign the dotted line and become married. Bad boyfriends don’t make great husbands and neither do bad girlfriends. if someone can barely court you responsibly, please save yourself a potential divorce/abusive marriage and move on as quickly as possible. Like habba above said, naija women’s desperation to get married is rather embarassing. they condone all sort of CRAP during courtship,yet aspire to happily ever after once they get married. the best favor you can do yourself during courtship is to listen to what people are telling you about themselves (patterns, behavior etc) and don’t be in denial or disbelief when people are showing you who they truly are (e.g., cheating on you, battering you or being too financially dependent on you). Trust me, no night vigil or voodoo man can cure a man or woman who sees cheating as a God given right.

      • Gee daY August 31, 2012 at 11:32 AM

        I cant say anything bu “gunshot” which means salute! couldnt have said it better! :-)

      • partyrider August 31, 2012 at 6:12 PM

        very well said

    • triangle August 31, 2012 at 7:45 AM

      That is why I said it worked for me. I’m not forcing anyone to be like me! It happened once, he has since become very focused. We both might have been miserable people if we had hastily parted ways but thank God we didn’t. Temptations come in diff ways. I chose to let that one go and that’s me.

      The grass may not always be greener on the other side. So many ladies are single today cos they aren’t willing to compromise a little and yet on every wedding post on BN you see prayers n fasting for husband. Lol

      Well in my case I sighted it early on before it got out of hand and was able to nip it in d bud and we are d better for it today. My Rship has been long distance for all of 3yrs nw, his friends call me all d time, even his boss once asking me what I’ve done to dis guy. So, no 2 rships are the same, dt I did it doesn’t mean the next person should do it.

      Finally, I’m not desperate to get married. I hv too many suitors dt I’ve lost count. If I wanted to marry I wud hv done dt since Uni, let’s jst say I have something special with this one and so far we’re good. Xx

      • tunrayo August 31, 2012 at 10:23 AM

        you know enough Triangle. ok. enough already. especially on you casting judgment on “women not willing to compromise”. are you friggin kidding me? i am happy your situation works for you but to cast judgment on why women are single is really overstepping your already pathetically annoying boundary.
        now let me school you…i, a single woman refuse to compromise on anything that poses a detrimental risk to my livelihood. Yes, STDs, change your life for you and they are real. i wont even go to the extreme of HIV…but let’s start with the G warts, herpes etc…no man, i repeat…no man deserves that kind of compromise from any woman with an average IQ, i refuse to die young and leave my kids motherless cos of my selfish compromise. i wonder what kind of daughters someone like you will raise. that’s the friggin problem with our society. our moms put up with that crap…and have sub-consciously raised women who feel they have to condone a cheating man. you sound so delusional to think your man has changed and that you are good now…i very much so doubt that he has changed (he probably got smarter from covering his tracks) and i know “YOU” in your guts of guts know that he is still sleeping around but you choose to believe otherwise so u can at least have peace…good for you but don’t you dare judge other single women who refuse to make such a shameful, self-depreciating and most likely, rewardless compromise you chose to make. many women are sooooo disillusioned to think a man stupid enough to cheat, would all of a sudden be smart to wear protection when he does it…big fat lie. He is not even thinking about you when he is cheating..he just wants pleasure and wants it at all cost. He values that new toto more than yours that he’s already bored of. Most men will tell you the thrill is in rawing the “side kick/mistresses” cos it makes them feel macho. They do that selfish act and bring infection BACK to YOU the standby mumu cos they know you aint going to do jack. abeg carry your own cross and let others bear theirs. i am disgusted to my bone marrow by how some of these hopeless women have turned around to now start making sane women who have more to live for than just bearing the “Mrs” title look they are losers just cos they won’t exchange body fluids with some narcissistic insatiable dude who simply can’t control himself. I triple dare you to go and dig again..you know your man is still cheating…and that’s why you’d rather not dig. Mschewwwwwww!

        • portable-oge August 31, 2012 at 12:27 PM

          Babe,u r so on point!i salute u a million times! a cheating guy is a no no for me.@Triangle,may God give u more space to accomodate d new crap he will dish out for u ok! my ex cheated on me n wen i found out,i dumped him unceremionusly n rite nw i am dating smone who makes me very happy! i hv never cheated in any of my r/ships n i knw d God i serve will not send me a cheating guy as a soulmate! Afterall,my father never cheated on my mum n dats a fact n dey r still happy evn though dey hv dia issues bt cheating isnt one of dem n cant b!my dad personally told me any guy dat cheats on u isnt worth ur time n emotions!

        • beautyandbrain November 28, 2012 at 3:43 AM

          Chaiiiiiii clean up on aisle 4… damn

        • anonymous May 7, 2013 at 12:54 PM

          no offense to both parties but tunrayo abeg you try jare…if i refuse to cheat and decide to be faithful and never stray, pls wetin do d bobo, he no fit do the same. thank God i have never had this cheating problem, if i as much as smell it, i’m off. it only shows that our priorities are not exactly united. if i stay faithful to you, you had better will your soul to stay faithful to me as well, whether in rel or marriage. i state it clearly from the onset and i have never had to compromise on it thank God for that. if you take it once , believe me, you would lovingly take it again and again, and again….

      • Ife August 31, 2012 at 10:41 AM

        I wish you a happy Married life!

      • D August 31, 2012 at 11:09 PM

        I really don’t think there is a problem if you decided to forgive him,… but what quizzes me is that you said that he married you because you fought for him. you fought to have his attention, his time, his gaze on u? Now there are alot of women in this world with different size figures. How long would you keep fighting for this man. We ladies need to understand that we are not just created for men alone, we are rare commodity in the hands of God. God designed men to fight to have our attention. As in they should literally have sleepless night because of their chosen one. They should be prayerfully strategising how we would notice them. Not the other way round!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        I am not condemning you at all. Love, or Lust makes us do weird things. I mean I have taken alot of CRAP from men, bent over backwards so that they would marry me and its not as if im ugly o (if I must say so myself) but it never worked for me. WHY? bcs I didn’t know who I was in Christ Jesus. MY God , its not pride trust me its self awareness. If God as created you to be a generation impacter, and bcs you cant wait you marry a cheat, how would you impact?( not that im saying ur husband is one)
        hmmmmm its a complicated issue. Make God direct us in his mercy

        • D August 31, 2012 at 11:38 PM

          who I am*

      • damsycal September 5, 2012 at 4:23 PM

        seriously you need to understand the concept of marriage.Obviously from your statement you are just getting married because everybody is getting married.’we are about to get married’.Do you attend a bible believing church or mosque?Please join the singles and hope you and your husband t o be have registered for counselling,cos u sure would need

      • nana September 9, 2012 at 1:40 PM

        Babe, you sound like my sister. Same story, down to the long-distance, fought the other girl off. Well done. BTW, my sis and her man married, they’ve been together 13 years, he’s beaten her till a miscarriage, and we’re all tired of his bullying her and constant cheating (even down to their white nanny, so she’s raising her kids herself). My sis used to be a smart woman, now… Yup, she definitely regrets fighting for a man who said he was planning on straying when they were dating to “prove her commitment” (I swear, he said so). But good luck to you. Your own go different #sarcasm

    • bonita August 31, 2012 at 7:56 AM

      Cheating, what can I say? It’s very hurtful to find out that the guy you love is cheating on you. I’ve been there and it’s no joke but to still stay in a relationship that a guy cheats on you is a no go for me.

    • buzzz August 31, 2012 at 9:45 AM

      hmmmmm…..for me its beta u’re aware that he/she is cheating than being in the dark. This happens every now & then & i tell you it takes the Grace to with stand it. Its only YOU who is invlved knows wot step to take bc many will give you all sorts of advise that might favour you or not. My prayer is that God shld give us those who will appreciate, value & have respect for us, importantly have conciensce

      • Teris August 31, 2012 at 11:35 AM

        it is better u kno..b4 u get hitched or after?
        well, watever u intend to do with the information, keep in mind that HIV/AIDS is real. the hepatitis-B-thing is very real. some STD’s r with u for life. and u are setting an example, whatever direction you take, to others.
        i’m older now and not in a hurry to advise a married-with-kids to jump ship. sha, sha be very careful for your physical health and mental stability. my 2 kobo.

    • Onyinye August 31, 2012 at 10:18 AM

      I cant condone beating in a relationship, but seriously u can beat me dan cheat on me, bcos if i confirmed it to be true, u ve just killed something in me no matter the kind of love i have for u, Wat is love without trust? lets just say, i have not been in that shoe but seriously, i dont known how to share my man cos i cant share myself with anybdy once u are there fr me….Cheating in a relationship? i dont pray it happens…..

    • Libra August 31, 2012 at 10:18 AM

      I have cheated severally and i have been cheated on. I always wondered what i will do if i find out my girlfriend is/was cheating. Well i was really upset but i said to myself karma is a bitch, it made me calm down as per my own cheating although i was ready to leave my babe but guess what? There was a lot more to her than that person that cheated on me, she says she did it to get back at me for times i wronged her (by cheating), ideally it should not be an acceptable excuse but perhaps because i have cheated previously i could understand why she did so. As someone said earlier it is usually due to lack of attention. Now i don’t even have the energy to chase woman as my woman wears me out. Sometimes when i see a fine sexy babe, the thought of the whole long process puts me off as i still need energy to satisfy my woman as she’s a handful. It may take a woman doing all the work to get me to cheat these days…..

      A relative of mine called me at an odd hour of the day once to come get her from her husbands house as she just realised her husband was cheating. Of course i didn’t go…. And i didnt go for two reasons 1) the cheating partner is a great guy, like i have so much respect for him cos i think he’s a great guy 2) It is wrong to go and take a woman from her husband’s house when there’s a misunderstanding. She drove out on her own and was back home in the evening.

      I am reading some comments here with people sounding like their partners MUST NEVER cheat. Hmmmmm let me tell you for free, if you are a woman, your man has cheated at a point, is cheating at this point or will cheat at a point. I am not saying it is right but trust me when it happens, you’ll be left with no choice but to weigh your options.

      I don’t pray my wife ever cheats on me but i think it is more forgivable than me finding out my partner tried or is trying to use me for money ritual.

      • gimmer August 31, 2012 at 11:40 AM

        Nope…not all men cheat. that’s the conspiracy lie to make women tolerate this crap. i have uncles and friends who keep it real with me..and they have no reason to lie. some have admited they have cheated……some swore holding a bible that they have never ever cheated even though they were tempted. Not all men cheat.

      • X factor August 31, 2012 at 12:40 PM

        shallow

    • zika August 31, 2012 at 10:20 AM

      Well it depends on how you look at cheating, i cheated on my bf but it was emotionally. he found out and i thot it was going to be the end of my relationship,until he realised that he would be the better man by fighting for his girl and we have been together ever since. But trust me it hasnt been easy, cos i constantly have to assure him, that he is the one for me.

      • bussie November 23, 2012 at 8:37 PM

        same scenario; constant re-assurance sometimes gets tiring…..

    • Missy August 31, 2012 at 10:38 AM

      I dated a certain guy found out he had 3 of us but I still stayed cos my friends mostly guys told me to wait it out, it was probably a phrase n find out where I really stand with him before I do any drastic so I stayed. He eventually picked who he wanted to be with, I remember bn so hurt and lost a whole lot of weight and blamed myself cos I could hv walked away when I found out abt 1 & 2. The main chick found out about me the same way i found out about her but stayed anyways. I remember going out to wedding and clubs and her friends wld follow me around and scrutinise me from head to toe i felt pressured to always be on point. Long story short he went on to marry the main chick 2 years later, she found out two days before the wedding that he had yet anoda gf but married him anyways every1 said they wre a lovely couple on a certain blog name withheld. They had a wonderful ceremony I must say, guest artist d whole works. Fast fwd a couples months into d marriage he is back to his old games mind u the marriage is barely 7 months. Wifey is in London doing her masters n expecting their first child n I believe she knows what’s going on afterall she knows who she married. I look bk now and I am so thankful that it didnt work out cos there is only so much I can take. Now to the single Ladies the writing is usually on the wall we just choose it ignore cos he fits our checklist good looking, potentials, good job, intelligent, street smart, Christain etc. Marriage is a life long commitment women shd learn to choose wisely too many unhappy married women out of there pouring their hearts out on blogs these days. We need to get it right from the beginning from the very first day we agree to start dating. U can’t expect a man to change his ways overnite when u allowed him misbehave through the courtship because u dnt want to be d girlfriend that nags n calls him out when he is misbehaving.

      • faith August 31, 2012 at 2:48 PM

        If he had picked u as the number 1 and married u…I womder wat u would b writing now! Mtcheeww!

        • partyrider August 31, 2012 at 6:23 PM

          exactly faith!

    • Italian Princess August 31, 2012 at 11:11 AM

      hmmm

    • Gee daY August 31, 2012 at 11:14 AM

      Errrrrr, guy who got his wife a car after he caught her cheating is the most remidial I have ever heard. She will cheat on him again and again. I dont support infidelity, but I think once a partner is caught…Kiss that relationship good bye.

    • gimmer August 31, 2012 at 11:30 AM

      ife and triangle…hahhahhaa. you are either the same person cos this sounds too pathetic..is it that bad to be single cos you two screammmmm “scared to be alone”. i know your type. when you test postive for some STD, you will run to mountain of fire and say the devil is a liar…meanwhile na you invite devil come. it is well. to each his/her own. like Lola rightly said…”why are you as a woman, making excuse for a man who doesn’t feel he has done something wrong that needs an excuse”. a guy’d be slow to not cheat if he he knows he will get away with it. women stop acting like you are nothing without these men. some of your mates are indeed happily and faithfully married. stop saying “all men cheat” to make yourself feel fortunate that you manage to find one man beebee..not all men cheat. trust me, not all of them cheat…stop setting low standards for yoruself and stop settling for nonsense.

      • Ife August 31, 2012 at 12:41 PM

        Read madam i dnt say all men cheat, i said men who cheated before marriage doesnt mean they will cheat in marriage….each to their own, u dnt have to be so insultive however…..so easy to run mouth now.

    • Ms J.S Bass August 31, 2012 at 12:00 PM

      Cheating is a very big thing with different reasons ranging frm psychology to emotions to spirituality etc. Humans have been built to be different from one another, so its different strokes for different people. I cheated once on my ex-bf, I was entangled emotionally to the other guy. I could not bear the guilt anymore, I had to tell my bf what i did. Telling him was nt to justify myself bt to apologetically let him know that i did hurt him and cudnt lie that it happend. We broke up alil after then because iIguess, his head cudnt jst agree to what happened (men ego, another big mystery). At the end of it alL, we both oved on.. Many years down the line, he still tells me he appreciated the fact that I told the truth. Even if you do something wrong whether cheating, lying, stealing etc, its telling the truth even it does hurts and nt trying nt to indulge in it anymore that matters. There shud be love, forgiveness, trust, tolerance in all we do in life.
      P.S: I am sure some peeps will crucify me

    • triangle August 31, 2012 at 12:10 PM

      Gimmer I don’t knw ife and we aren’t one and the same person! If ur man steps out, gets ‘caught’ and then chooses to become this whole better person and another man u supposedly think doesn’t cheat, straight like an arrow only to marry you and start sleeping everywhere, which would you prefer.
      My point is there are no hard and fast rules about these things. What works for Mrs A may not work for Mrs B.

      As for the person saying deep down I knw he cheats and I choose to overlook bla bla bla, sorry to burst your bubble sweetie, u’re wrong. He’s d best hubby anyone can dream of having, I don’t hv to dig cos I trust him a 100%. And since that incident, he’s been constantly outdoing himself to prove his worth to me. As absurd as it sounds, he loves me. Watch out for my wedding soon on BN *wink

    • Non professional opinion August 31, 2012 at 12:53 PM

      Show me a guy who has never cheated, and I’ll show you a liar. Lol
      I commend you for your principles and hopefully you will never have to tolerate any crap as God will grant you a partner who is readymade to fulfill your needs and never cause you pain. Should the opposite be the case and life turn out to be less black/white and u are in your late 40′s sorting through your photos from marriages and naming ceremonies of the foolish women who put up with crap to sometimes be rewarded with reformed characters in the future, your principles will provide you comfort and quiet any pangs of regret.

      • Ife August 31, 2012 at 1:17 PM

        God bless you, the irony is that all of them making so much mouth will even stay in an abusive relationship. They will be the ones who ask “what will the world say?” rather die there than get out….

    • J August 31, 2012 at 1:17 PM

      @gimmer, honey, please retain ur high standards, stay proud and remain alone rather than settle for less and leave ife and triangle with their cheating low-life husbands, their wonderful children and their “satisfied” life. different strokes for different folks o, some of us CANNOT stand infidelity, but for some people, it’s the norm.

      So, “peoples”, whatever toasts your bread men…

      • Ife August 31, 2012 at 1:49 PM

        I should ignore u, are u the woman cheating with my hubby that u label urs not mine a low-life husband? U all make so much noise, i bet you even do “aristos” in the name of good things in life yet u say you wont stay with a cheating man…if u have eyes, read what i typed properly. I think its quite low when pple cant have a mature conversation without having to degrade to insults and abuses, just shows how shallow u are. Im having a ball, 10yrs and more we still going clubbing, travelling the world and have fun. I havent seen anything that will make me think he is cheating, however i wont go searching. Goodluck in ur search for ur missing ribs…

      • Abbey August 31, 2012 at 1:59 PM

        So u r saying lower your standards fr the sake of not being alone? Lol. SMH

        We are all wired differently..I m not wired to love a man who has a place in us heart for another woman…I knw my limit. I can’t deal with the thot of knowing there is another woman. God doesn’t put more on us than we can bear.power to those women who can see that and turn the other chic.

      • busola September 1, 2012 at 9:12 PM

        Whoever you are, you have lost my respect for calling another woman’s husband a low-life. Why do you feel the need to shove your opinion down someone else’s throat. Right or wrong it is her life, her choices, her consequences. Not your business, nor your headache. kmt

    • ada August 31, 2012 at 1:44 PM

      i cheat on my husband…

    • ada August 31, 2012 at 1:52 PM

      i cheat on my husband bcos he deceived me into marring him…if i av my way i will leave d marriage…he is fat with small pinis and i didnt mind all that cos he was giving me head b4 we got married. after we got married he stopped n he said he doesnt like doing it…now am stuck with a guy dat can never satisfy me emotionally..there r other things dat makes me cheat on him…he bits his nail,he baths once a day(i wonder y he doesnt smell), he doesnt care about cleanliness….i never get arouse bcos of all these…he is so annoying

    • huh? August 31, 2012 at 1:58 PM

      @Tunroya,Jeeeez,you totally made my day.Thank God BN didn’t censor your comment,you could imagine what I might have miss!I litrary have to copied down some of the most captivating words such as”over stepping your already pathetically annoying boundary” “such a shamefully,self depreciating and most likely rewardless compromise” “He value the new TOTO more than yours that he’s already bored of.”The thrill is in rewing the “side mistress”Narscissistic insatiable dude” etc.you deserve an award for best comment of the year! Why I totally agree with you is that I never cheat and can’t imagine my guy cheating on me.is one thing to cheat,and another thing to know he cheat,it simply intolerable,how do I look into his eyes??? Desperation to get married will soon lead our young women to their grave.more than 98% of married men cheat in one way or the other,it higher with men that has money,I ve lost count of how many married men I would have dated,if I would have agreed,tempting me with money or job,but the fact is that, if you are my guy or husband,I shouldn’t know,if you cheating on me.it only God that will see our guy/men through,the flesh is indeed weak.

    • folake August 31, 2012 at 3:11 PM

      wow … i read almost all your comments on this issue and i’m speechless , this is what i will say .. the bible states that life and death are in the power of the tongue and that you will have what so ever you say …. i know right now in the world were some ladies ( not me ) are desperately looking for a man to settle with they will accept anything just so he can put a ring on it and when he does he don shele ! it is shocking to also hear married women as well saying all men cheat! why My Man doesn’t cheat and will never cheat on me even after we are married i will never sow any type of wrong seeds by saying the wrong thing!, and also please note any man who has cheated on you in a relationship , will do it again ! emotionally ( which is the worst ! why would you want a man that is with you and thinking about someone else ! ) or physically in marriage .. if he marries you ! Christian or not ! i completely detest and do not stand it when i hear things like you need a back up or one man or woman is not enough … in case he messes up!! i am a firm believer that God gives you what you ask for .. if you want a faithful guy .. believe me say it and you will have it .. if you want to ‘manage’ a guy ( abi after all he married you ) say it and you will have it ! simple .. for the married ones .. you are no longer in the market! till death do you part ..please let’s learn to choose our words and actions carefully.. as for me oh …. i will have the marriage of my dreams !!!!!!!! my husband will love and be faithful to me for ever !!!! Amen.

      • kayjay September 3, 2012 at 2:31 PM

        this is so on point. Hmmm. The basic truth is when you know where you stand in the presence of your God, He wont give you that which is not yours…

    • folake August 31, 2012 at 3:40 PM

      a lot of women condone nonsense and tag it as normal …why!!!! and then to make matters worse you now form a pity party .. i understand all men cheat .. bla bla .. pls let us learn to speak positively abeg !! ..

    • buchi August 31, 2012 at 3:42 PM

      NOT everyone is a serial cheat! pple sometimes slip, to err is human. each “cheating situation” is unique and cannot have one solution. so if one chooses to forgive a cheating spouse it should be because the GOOD FAR OUTWEIGHS THE BAD. Perfection is for God alone and no man!

      • Non professional opinion August 31, 2012 at 4:35 PM

        This is what I’m talking about. People are talking as if all you have are serial cheaters and sanctified angels.
        Sometimes a good husband, a best friend and a great father will do something that requires your forgiveness and then and not now when you are 22, cute and childless will you be required to make a decision. You might choose to leave and leave every time the person u love disappoints you. Even if it means marrying 5 or 6 times in pursuit of perfection I support your choice because it is your choice. But some people chose to stay and 1 year of misery in a marriage has been known to lead to 20 years of bliss. Each case is unique.
        As for the individual who labelled another woman’s husband and father of her kids (whom she has never met) a “low-life”, look in the mirror the next time you say that.

        • Libran Eye September 2, 2012 at 7:29 PM

          I agree with you that people think once a man cheats he’s a serial cheater…. it could be a one time thing, it could even be unemotional assuming he meets a stranger on a holiday or something. Having a constant mistress is more of polygamy to me than cheating. You are very right and i agree with your views. Are you a man or woman though?

    • Oma August 31, 2012 at 3:44 PM

      truth is there is no strict rule that applies to everyone.
      some people can forgive some things while others cant .
      if you can truly forgive the other, good. if not, leave pls.
      you will only breed mistrust and resentment in the relationship.
      if you can sacrifice your happiness and live with mistrust and resentment for the other person all you life, please stay.
      It’s easier to say though, what do i know?
      i’m single. lol
      http://lifethroughomaseyes.blogspot.com

    • Bode August 31, 2012 at 4:08 PM

      I will say this from a man’s perspective. So some of you should read. The phrase men cheat, was invented by women, and by women who have been victims of cheating, the only way they deal with it is to conclude that all men cheat, or even go as high as 98%. Where did you get such statistics from. By golly, 98%, and to the person that said show me a man that has never cheated, and i will show u a liar. Pls speak for yourself. You find that it is pple that commit a vice that assume everyone does it, because they don’t want to face the truth, that they are horrible human beings, so rather than look inward and talk to yourself, and reform your ways, you take the easy way out and say afterall we all do it. This helps you sleep well at night. Newsflash bro, the Lord does not tolerate excuses, no matter what you have told yourself to make you feel better, adulterers burn in hell.

      To Ife, i wonder where you came up with the idea of threatening a man, seriously. You’ve been married for 10years, and so what. Where is your prize. Men have walked out of 25yr marriages, so your threat to leave him, if he cheats, has to be the worst kind of strategy in the world. The day he finds a woman who will replace you, he’ll pack your bags for you, when you threaten to leave.

      As a man, something switches inside you when you cheat, and i’m afraid, that switch never goes off. It’s like a salient disease, give it the right environment, it’ll flareits head up again. Its better you never attempt it. To women who have said they will not tolerate cheating. I’ll give you the same advice i’ll give my sister. Kudos. Never let society frighten you into believing that all men cheat, and the fact that a man that cheated on u once or whatever and has changed, doesn’t mean u have a prize too. That man comes to you already tarnished. Your reason for justifying his actions, smells of self denial. His proving himself over and over again, to give you peace of mind, is practice. It will come to him easier, the next time he cheats. Men have very long memories. We remember what we did to appease you when we went wrong. If it worked, we’ll just do the same again till you forgive us. Like i said before, that switch. Once u flip it, it becomes easier next time.

      The viscious cycle created by you women, really makes me scared for my daughters. Our mothers, aunties, accepted it, and it is passed from generation to generation. Their mum and I will raise our girls differently. We need more women taking a stand against infidelity, maybe we men will sit up. Someone once said to me, fidelity is not only to your spouse but your family. Everytime you cheat, you r cheating on your spouse and cheating on your children too. Think of that. To single men too, who r cheating, think of that too, because when you get married, you will cheat too, and cheat on your children

      • gimmer August 31, 2012 at 4:24 PM

        Bode…God bless you. i am sooooo proud to read this. To say all men cheat is just a cheap excuse for bad behavior and for tolerating bad behavior. i applaud you

      • Non professional opinion August 31, 2012 at 5:59 PM

        @ Bode the “lol” after the statement implies that I was joking. Do they have humor in your ivory tower.
        I don’t think ALL men cheat. That is an exaggeration, but I do think that the percentage is high enough that to avoid it entirely a large percentage of the female population will have to commit to a single life because there are simply not enough Bode’s to go around “By Golly” (seriously? Are you even real).
        Some women think that cheating is the only challenge a marriage will face. Forgetting they could end up hitched to a self-righteous, sanctimonious prig (translation: tedious personality and lousy in bed) who is overly proud of his ability to resist the temptations of the fairer sex but falls short when it comes to being judgmental and humble.

        Oh and Newsflash bro!……I ain’t your bro….at least not the last time I checked. (that’s a little more of that humor that you are unfamiliar with)

        • zaizai October 5, 2012 at 7:50 PM

          while i agree with bode….dang, ur literary proficiency is remarkable…i copied down ur comment n will be using it soon ;)

      • Rachael Kelly Taylor August 31, 2012 at 6:01 PM

        Bode God bless you. You couldn’t have said it any better.

      • fairweatherfriendnot August 31, 2012 at 6:32 PM

        And this is the truth……that’s it.

      • partyrider August 31, 2012 at 6:50 PM

        Bless you! thank you for sharing this.

      • Moi September 1, 2012 at 10:20 AM

        GOD BLESS YOU BODE! YOU ARE INDEED A MAN! YOUR WIFE IS INDEED LUCKY AND BLESSED TO HAVE YOU AS A HUSBAND!

        It irks me soooo much when I see women try to justify a man cheating! If you don’t have high standards please do not make those who have those high standards seem foolish! In my opinion you only accept what you can do! So if your justifying the act of a man cheating then you yourself see no problem with doing it (IF YOU DON’T GET CAUGHT) PERIOD!

    • Jamce August 31, 2012 at 4:15 PM

      Great comments… But are we really calling a spade a spade. The word “cheating” makes it look like a normal thing and not the deep spiritual and psychological issue that illicit or ungodly sex is.

      Any sexual relationship outside marriage of one man and one woman is a fundamental sin. The world has so glorified sex in a manner that is ungodly, so it therefore not strange that ungodly sexual behaviour has become “viral” spreading to marriages from spinsterhood and bachelorhood. If you “cheated” on God with your mind and/or body at any time, you will suffer the same thing at some point. This is why “cheating” is widespread.

      The only solution remains to repent of our ungodly ways and return to obey God’s commandment about sex. There is no shortcut or theory that can change it. If you are unfaithful to God with your mind or body as bachelor or spinster, it would just be a matter of time and circumstances before you fall into it or you become a victim. Shalom

    • miriam August 31, 2012 at 4:23 PM

      “God bless you, the irony is that all of them making so much mouth will even stay in an abusive relationship. They will be the ones who ask “what will the world say?” rather die there than get out….” – major generalisation. So, because you will accept it when you man cheats, so it means any1 who is saying they won’t accept it are lying. Please add omniscient to your name If because you must know it all. Assumption is the sin of foolishness. If sm1 else won’t accept it, as a single woman, and you will accept it as a married woman, doesn’t make you better than them o, because you are married, or give you the right to say that such women will stay in abusive relationships. If you don’t have standards, that’s you, but please do not attack anyone who has standards. It is not unrealistic to say you won’t tolerate infidelity. Not all men cheat. I’m with one who saw his parents marriage and his family tear apart due to infidelity, he knows firsthand the pain, suffering and humiliation his whole family went through and he swore he will never subject himself or his wife including his kids to such a situation. He will rather break up that relationship or divorce. It is one of the things we discussed at the beginning and I know his stand, i don’t dare cheat. Not that i would even if he wasn’t such a person. So, Ife and Triangle, please o. If you can take it, that’s you, but please don’t roll your eyes or look down on other women. Your men don’t sound like the jackpot, so stop parading them like they are the next best thing to jesus. They married, you or u r getting married, igba na wa n nko. English for, and then

    • nita August 31, 2012 at 5:54 PM

      HMmmm…all said n well said.

    • kike August 31, 2012 at 8:15 PM

      To non professional opinion. I can only say ehya, it dey pain you for body, that a guy came out and spoke the truth. Because it is only people of sub standard morals that throw insults at people who are proud of what they hold value to. Its like a slut deing derisive of a virgin. Person send you to accept that cheating is a given. Whether you are male or female, please don’t pass that kind of talk to your children, because how would you feel if you child came home and said her husband gave her HIV. Wouldn’t she have been better of being single, and watch and pray for a decent man, than say there is a higher percentage of men who cheat, so make i accept this one like that, so as not to remain single, because that’s exactly what your comment means. When did marriage become Euro millions lottery, and yes I am married too, and I don’t see my status as the jackpot. Its a journey not a medal. My sister just broke of an engagement, when it finally dawned on her what everyone knew, so in your opinion, she should have gone ahead and married the man, rather than stay single. We all struggle with various vices, the ones you know you don’t do, raise your head up and be proud of it. I got married as a virgin, and i can’t relate enough jest and abuse that i got. Wetiin concern me if u decided to have pre marital sex, but why abuse me for being disciplined.when you are proud of the values that you have, even if it is just one or two, be proud of it, and don’t let anyone make you sound sanctimonious, because you know what, by holding onto your values and speaking of it, you not only help yourself overcome your other vices, but you help others around you who may be struggling with that one vice you have overcome. So, please, it is in this evil world that we live in, that those who are trying to stay on the right path are mocked. Like Bode said, rather tha make excuses for yourself and mock other people. Look inward yourself, and ask where you have gone wrong, that you have come to accept that, it is either you accept that a higher percentage of men cheat, or remain single. You’ve turned being single into a death sentece, like sth people should pity. I tire o

      • Non professional opinion August 31, 2012 at 10:43 PM

        I have no way of knowing if Bode is a guy, or even if he spoke the truth but I do know that neither one of you is in a position to judge the choices of others no matter how many men you managed to sleep with or not sleep with before you married. If you took the time to read,you would have realized that I wasn’t talking about single girls, but married women who have already made a commitment and choose to forgive a mistake. Also I don’t know where you read in the bible that you are supposed to be hailing yourself for the sins you don’t commit instead of recognizing God’s grace. Sex might not be your struggle, yours might be lies or pride or unkindness. Virginity, real or imagined does not absolve you of those things, or do you think it’s only your yansh that will be measured at the pearly gates. Focus on the log that is making it impossible for you to look inward and others will clear their sawdust in their own time.
        I’m sorry your marriage is not a jackpot but at least that means if your husband (Bode?) slips up it will be easy for you to leave him and start again with the next guy. You might have some trouble convincing the new hubby you are a virgin, but it’s worth a try.

        • ...just saying September 1, 2012 at 10:47 AM

          Whatever your point, shame on you. You’re clearly one of those cheaters . Telling women to suck up and deal with it. Again, shame on you

    • Missy August 31, 2012 at 8:57 PM

      @ faith if he had picked me as number 1 I would be divorced by now. I knew beta I am not type to look d other way but when u hv a hand full of people telling u, u are 30 o u can’t afford to be picky, pressure from both parents u begin to give room to rubbish. D next guy tried it with me d relationship was ova in 2 months, he comes crying and begging 6 months later that I was a good girl I didn’t do anytin and I Neva pressured him like other girls do. All I am saying is stay true to itself ur friends n parents will not be in the marriage with u trying to be u are not will cost u dearly in future cos no one can pretend forever.

    • Love August 31, 2012 at 9:18 PM

      Please all men don’t cheat! That’s a lie from the devil. Let’s not put the traditions of men above the Word of God. Any genuinely saved person is supposed to abstain from fleshly lusts and sin in general. An older married woman once told me the same thing, that African men cheat, but I refused to accept that. I am happily married to a wonderful Christian man, and we are both faithful to the Lord and each other. If you make Christ the foundation of your marriage and remain faithful to Him, honestly, you won’t have problems. I have come to see that the more I love God, the more I love my husband and the sweeter the marriage :) So ladies, pls don’t settle for less!

    • Bianca August 31, 2012 at 10:31 PM

      @ Bode
      Thank you for keeping it real.

      I love it when men go against what everybody wants to hear, which is all men cheat, and if they are not, they will eventually cheat. I will rather believe, NOT ALL MEN CHEAT because it gives me room to stand my ground against infidelity. When you believe something wholeheartedly, it’s going to eventually happen including the negative ones.

    • Tx September 1, 2012 at 12:35 AM

      Madam or Uncle, who is judging who here. For someone who has been preaching don’t judge, you sound very scornful. Hypocrite much? Seriously, you have deviated from the issue at hand, and made it personal. So in your scornful mind, kike must be married to Bode, and Bode must have tedious personality and be lousy in bed. I wonder what you will respond to me too, at least you’ve used the marriage card already. So you can’t say i’m married to Bode too. Please let’s get back to the topic here. We need good honest talk, and i’m not surprised that a few more people here agree with bode’s comment. We are all probably married to him too, both male and female. You entirely missed kike’s point. I guess you are so quick to have the last word, sense flew out of the window. We don’t help ourselves, when we have a cushiony view against infidelity. Contrary to what you think, infidelity is a serious thing. Please don’t trivialise it. Speak to people who it has broken down their homes or relationships, and tell them it wasn’t a big deal na. Unless you have gone through it yourself, or done so yourself, and you think it is not a big deal. Don’t trivialise it, and hide it under, there are worse things a marriage will face. Infidelity is right up there with all those worse things. That’s the one thing that negates all you’ve been saying since. Let’s even go matter of the bible here. It is part of the vows a couple makes before God and you come here and say, there are worse things. I am actually curious as to what constitutes your worse things. Can i take a wild guess and say domestic violence is not on the list too. A husband slaps his wife today, you’ll come her to BN and say, come one, there are worse things. Like i said, i am taking a guess. If some people don’t know, infidelity is a form of abuse on its own, and it can damage your psyche just as bad. I watched it destroy my mum, and i told her years ago, that she didn’t do us any favours by staying. I don’t have a good relationship with my dad, none of us do and you need to hear my siblings view on marriage. My mum probably grew up with your views, or was told by her friend’s that come on, infidelity, is that all. Forgetting other stuff that infidelity also brings. Like I said before, we need good honest talk. Let’s remind ourselves, you took vows before God. That should mean sth at least. Unless you want to remove forsaking all others from the vows, then of course, it won’t be a big deal. We see all other challeneges that marriage brings as serious, why our culture, or society doesn’t add infidelity to that, beats me. Polygamy, is the only reason i can think of.

      • Non professional opinion September 1, 2012 at 8:44 AM

        @ tx I’m not sure where you started to read from, but all those views you ascribe to me are not my views. My mouth is not good when I’m attacked and maybe that has clouded the issue so let me clarify.
        1. I do not condone infidelity.
        2. I do not ( by His Grace) commit infidelity.
        3. I do believe infidelity is statistically high in men (by their own confession)and at a percentage that some women choosing to avoid it entirely will have to avoid marriage as men are not loaves and fishes and we cannot divide the same good ones over and over.
        4. I do not believe that a woman who honestly reveals that she forgave a man who cheated should be called names have her husband labelled a lowlife and told she is a fool by people who haven’t walked a day in her shoes.
        5. I respect any woman who stands up for her principles and dumps a man who disrespects his vows but I also admire those who have the strength to forgive and do what it takes to get things back on track. And by forgiveness I don’t mean to tolerate a serial abuser but rather be open to the fact that it might be an isolated incident from a man who has proved himself worthy in many other areas. I do not think anyone knows what they will do till they get there not even you despite your family history.
        As for Bode and ” his wife” ( geez! No -one has a sense of humor anymore), I stand by every scornful word.
        Instead of reading patiently he jumped on a soapbox and decided I’m a man covering the fact that I’m a horrible human being and I should reform my ways. Assumptions made an ass of him and I don’t remember you coming to defend me from his scorn, so I took the matter up myself. Lol
        As for Kike she decided that my body is paining me ( probably from the pre- marital sex she saw me having lmao) and proceeded to confess HIV for my enemies daughter. Once again your scorn detector was switched off then so it was left to me address it and you are right I didn’t mince my words.
        As for you, you come out guns blazing to inform me that my senses have flown out the window. Did you mean that to be personal. Should I respond in kind? Will that foster debate or take us off topic.
        Im going to turn the other cheek in this instance because my issues with the “Yay for me! I’m a Saint” twins, should not hijack the debate.

        • Ikunkun September 1, 2012 at 5:27 PM

          wow!! Can you just let it go??

        • yeah! Right September 1, 2012 at 9:29 PM

          #Yimu, now you’re trying to do damage control

        • Leah September 4, 2012 at 1:52 PM

          Please do us all a favour; just keep quiet.

    • Jamce September 1, 2012 at 8:02 AM

      @Love, God bless you. You have said it all. People, if we all focus on pleasing God and obeying His every word, there would be no room for cheating (or at least the tendency to cheat will be greatly reduced). The Bible says in Deuteronomy 6:5 “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength”. This is repeated by Jesus in Matthew 22:36-40 when asked, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
      Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. ’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself. ’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

      This means we should be determined to please God with our spirit, soul and body (in total obedience to His commandments as our Creator). If you love God you will not commit fornication or adultery as He has commanded, you will not also physically or emotionally abuse anyone. In this obedience, you will not cheat on or abuse your spouse. In the same vein if you love your neighbour (including your spouse or betrothed) you would not do anything to hurt them physically, emotionally or psychologically. So we can see that the root of all our problems as humans is our lack of fear or partial fear of God and disobedience to His word. We can postulate or excogitate on issue of infidelity till eternity, we will not find any solution except we repent and turn to God. Shalom

    • Ikunkun September 1, 2012 at 10:48 AM

      When I think about the two major NO NO’s for almost everyone in marriage 1, Physical Abuse & 2, Cheating….The only one i can boldly say with all confidence would be a deal breaker in MARRIAGE (not just dating/courtship) is physical abuse. Nothing can be said/done to make me stay after the first slap oh…
      Now to cheating, I would just switch off emotionally…It would hurt at first, but I’ve had good practice cutting close people off emotionally.As sad as I may sound, I have spent most of my life alone…grew up with a large family that didn’t quite fancy me and the feeling got mutual over time. So I’d get over any cheating, stay for my kids and go into ‘the married but living single’ mode for the rest of our lifes. I believe a lot of women that are viewed as weak for sticking cheating might just be like me, we probably didn’t care that much to start with (even though I appreciate Bode’s view on women putting an end to the cycle, and that I have already done 2ce in relationships). So as much as I try to screen for a man that would not cheat on me(yes they exist!!:-) )and I continue to hope, pray and work towards a bright future/happy home, I already know that life can be really crappy….and to say the least I am somewhat prepared.

    • feelitx September 1, 2012 at 2:42 PM

      Infidelity is so wrong no matter who is unfaithful. And YES, there are MEN who dont cheat.

    • Different strokes for different folks September 1, 2012 at 3:21 PM

      If the shoe fits……Wear it.

    • busola September 2, 2012 at 1:44 AM

      While cheating before marriage is a NO NO for me, will I leave a cheating husband??? I DON’T KNOW! The issue of accommodating a cheating partner within marriage is subjective depending on the persons involved. I wish I could say it would rain fire and brimstone if my husband cheated on me.. but I can’t. It is only when I find myself in that situation, I will figure out what’s best for me. I see a lot of people on here are trying to make it seem like those who forgave their partners are lesser than they are.. wrong!! I am not advocating for infidelity, but each person have to choose their battles wisely and weigh their options carefully. It is only God that can give one wisdom on how to deal with a cheating husband because he knows you. We cannot be so quick to judge because we are mortals.. we sin.. sin is sin… Don’t look down on other people just because they sin differently than you.

    • Mary September 2, 2012 at 12:12 PM

      I had a very wonderful relationship, my boyfriend was my prince charming. Bt at some point he became distant. At the end I found out the truth. Another girl. Infact I caught them in my boyfriends house. That day he told me he was travelling and I decided to make a surprise visit and I caught them. They were taking lunch. I walked away he even gave me my clothes. I tried to tell him that I love him and I forgiven him bt he refused to talk to me. A week later he called me and requested us to meet. I went and he apologised saying that he made a mistake. I took him back and since then things have really changed. No booty calls or anything. we spend our weekends in peace. Av never seen any calls when we are together or even endeless text messages like before. I love him soo much. I decded to swallow my pride and follow my heart. So men can someone cheat and change completely? My girlfriends mock me for taking him back. But my mum tells me that no man is perfect and that I should keep him. Who is right here? should I follow my heart?

    • Deep September 3, 2012 at 10:33 AM

      @mary follow ur heart.

      Back to the topic firstly i dont condone cheating it is totally unacceptable in my book. But lets look at it this way marriage is a vow and cheating is a sin. We all make vows or convernants to God e.g that we will not sin but we still sin but God always forgives us wen we sin n ask for forgiveness because He knows we are humans n not angels. So who are we not to forgive our fellow human beings? That sin against us. However some pple are a lost cause if someone cheats n is not repentant n is cheating continually n refuses to get help then run as fast as ur legs can carry u simples. So far as we sin against God n He forgives us then lets forgive others. Everybody sins but differently.

    • omalicha flo September 3, 2012 at 1:37 PM

      @ Mary please do not follow your heart, our heart does not make a good decision.Lead your heart by so doing you control it and tell it what to do so you wont end up in a ditch. Infidelity to me depends on the level of the relationship, if just dating or courting am done but if in marriage i will ask for grace and wisdom to work around it cos i hate divorce been from one. Remember my amswer is giving on a rest mood so i dont know if i will do otherwise when am really in such situation but normal ‘FLORENCE’ will not take it.
      whether in an agitated mood or rest mood i will never condone beating in or out of marriage not for me. God forbid

    • preety September 4, 2012 at 12:20 PM

      why should a man cheat,a woman is a soft and vey outstanding one for that matter,she still bears all the pains the man gives to her,why should u ask her to marry you when your not done with your gaes,cheating is simple please try been faithful,a woman cannot cheat except that she has had enough of the whole game,any woman who cheats without nowrongs from her husband should please check herself….i dont judge and am not a coward i speak my mind. The bible sed he that finds a good wife obtains mercy and good things from the lord,so for the men love your wive,treat her like an angel and good things will surely come your way,and for the ladies be sumissive.Thanks buddies.

    • preety September 4, 2012 at 12:21 PM

      *understanding for that matter

    • Jumps September 6, 2012 at 8:12 PM

      I will def cheat on my husband to get back at him cos I just found out he has been flirting for the past 3 yrs.

    • Funke BUCKNOR obruthe September 7, 2012 at 10:56 PM

      Hmmm

    • sweerymoi September 21, 2012 at 3:52 PM

      well! well!! like someone rightly pointed out earlier in the posts, though i can’t remember who. Never say never,that was the best comment for me. I’m a very disciplined woman,i have never cheated on my husband to be and i believe the same of him not because he tells me so but i know so. He is not a virgin but i am and he respects my values, we are currently planning for our wedding after haven dated for 3 years and in the 3 years i have never doubted him because he gave me no reason to.

      However, no man knows tomorrow, i am who i am today and he is who he is today,it guarantees nothing but it doesn’t stop me from being who i am.

      My point is i can’t boldly say despite how well i believed to have kept myself that if my husband eventually cheats on me ill walk away and i can’t also say i wouldn’t. So it boils down to when you get to the road you will know how best to cross it. You cannot sit down in the comfort of your home and try to understand what people go through, the truth you cannot until you go through it yourself because two stories are not the same, what works for you might not work for me and vice versa.

      Lastly, for those who believes that because they are pure God will never give them a man that cheats, well, i would like to believe that too but we should not forget that God tempts the righteous in different ways. I pray that God never saddles us with a problem that we cannot withstand, We can only pray that our effort is rewarded in the most deserving way. I have a lot to say but ill stop here for now (smiles)

    • yemmy September 22, 2012 at 5:55 PM

      Interesting diverse opinions. I am learning!!!

    • MOI September 25, 2012 at 12:44 PM

      All have fallen short of the glory of God. to err is human, to forgive is divine. saying u cant forgive a Spouse/BF who cheated, it means we may have to marry abt 10 or more husbands and date 1,000 guys. i am nt saying all men cheat bt there are tendencies of straying in every human being both men and women. NOBODY IS PERFECT except GOD, so looking for Mr. right shouldn’t be our priority bt praying that God should give us the man he knows is best for us. we cant change a grown man bt our character or love may change them with prayers ofcourse. While looking for the non-cheating man and finally find him and he turns out to be a serial killer? u finally got the man that doesn’t cheat but he kills. there are so many types of cheating, ur partner may cheat on u wtout having sex wt the person, alot of people chat wt their colleagues at work of the opposite sex, spend time wt them on the phone while neglecting their spouse emotionally. so am i just gonna leave that marriage without trying to a least make it work? since we are not talking abt serial cheats, if you’ve caught ur partner once dat doesnt mean he/she cant change.as the saying goes CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT THING, even the guy who didnt cheat while courting could start cheating after marriage. Every relationship needs the special grace of God. its not by our power. what i am saying is we shouldn’t judge the lady who forgave her BF after he was caught cheating, until u get to that bridge, then cross it. and to u J, insulting another woman’s husband who you have neva met means only one thing – u need spiritual deliverance and forgiveness cos u need it.

    • Andrea September 25, 2012 at 3:45 PM

      For some silly and sick reason men cheat on their partners mostly for the sense of adventure and trying out something new. Very selfish and inconsiderate if I must say because they are doing that at the expense of the ones they claim to love. I am undoubtedly against men that cheat but as painful as it is to say, women should probably think twice about divorcing or leaving their husbands because they cheated because you will hardly find a man who doesn’t you just need the grace and strength of God to sustain your marriage plus make sure you are not the cause of him cheating, dress well for him, look good and always find a way to spice up your marriage and sex life. But when it becomes an uncontrollable habit for a man to cheat I just think of him as someone who lacks self control and is irresponsible and so doesn’t deserve his wife if she is indeed loving and caring. Good luck to all marrried women out there. The Lord is your strength o.

    • Emmanuel October 18, 2012 at 11:23 PM

      Interesting read… diverse opinion… Majority of the ladies who responded do not condone cheating…. pray tell, who are all these men in relationship with or married to?
      FACT: Not all men cheat
      FACT: At one point or another, most men will be tempted
      FACT: Most men will cheat if they know they can get away with it

      Please ladies & “gentle” men, cheating is not the worst character flaw in a man. Would you rather be with a FAITHFUL cultist/ritualist (who has sacrifised his manhood), than a one time cheating spouse?
      Would you rather be with a FAITHFUL armed robber or criminal, than a law abiding one time cheat?
      Ladies would you rather be SEMI-impotent or a guy with a very low libido that can satisfy your sexual needs, than a one off cheating husband who couldn’t overcome that particular temptation?

      I am not justifying cheating. But these things are not just etched in BLACK & WHITE, there are also shades of gray.

    • Enu November 28, 2012 at 3:29 PM

      I dated my ex for 3yrs and I realised he’s been cheating all along. I confronted him and he denied initially but he later realised I had my facts and he confessed. I broke up with him even though he begged me for 6months. I just couldn’t take the humiliation. It wasn’t even only one person,they were several of them. The breakup wasn’t easy,I cried and all, but I picked myself up. I quit my job, relocated, pursued my dream and I got my dream job! About a year later, he got to know of my progress and he told me it hurt him that he lost something very scarce and he was shocked I could move on just like that. I have a wonderful man now,who will rather die than hurt me. The moral lesson here is that, whatever we love, we value. A man that cheats while dating does not value you. Tell urself, “my hubby will never hurt me” and stay strong. Much bessing ladies…

    • kunleajayi November 30, 2012 at 1:23 AM

      All we hear is that men cheat.The truth is that women cheat more than men bit they never get caught .