Charles “Charly Boy” Oputa’s Niece & her Husband
Last week as I stayed glued to CNN because of the forthcoming American election, I saw a mini documentary on Weddings, The Naija Style. I must say that from time, we do know how to put on a show, especially my brothers from the West.
We as Africans are generally boisterous people. We love events and for us, everything is a large party and the larger the party, the more successful an occasion is interpreted to be. Naming ceremonies, weddings, even funerals have become one big jamboree and my personal opinion is that we are losing the significance of this occasions which are meant to be solemn by the noisy chaos we have around it. I’m particularly going to focus on ‘wedding tinz’.
Several months ago, my last son came to me to talk about his impending marriage and of course the wedding planning came up. He was expecting to have a high society wedding at my expense (Hmmm…) but I told the young lad that it is whatever he can save for his wedding that will be the budget for it. Nobody paid for mine so he has to be disciplined enough to raise the money he needs for his. Of course as an entertainer and a showbiz personality it is easy to surmise that I will like large occasions, as shown by my late father’s burial which was a carnival of sort. But I still think that most of what we spend is unnecessary.
Let me begin by saying that in modern days, the ceremony of weddings has become more important than the marriage act itself. Which is why we find the fragile institution of marriage collapsing. I’ll have to say to some certain degree that elaborate functions are not always a bad idea especially when the person hosting it is spending money as a result of their hard work and not stolen or borrowed money.
It is normal for people to show off and have elaborate and flamboyant ceremonies, that’s one of the factors that differentiate us from animals. I also believe that simple is beautiful, but some occasions call for an elaborate celebration especially when it’s a once in a lifetime event. What better way to make the moment memorable than to make it elegant? However, what I find most worrisome is that some people go as far as borrowing money from the banks, other financial institutions, friends and family members just to celebrate weddings, burials, birthday parties, and the most upsetting part, is that after the show is over, then you still see them long after, struggling to meet up with the basic daily requirements of living? Why can’t they have a business plan in which they can invest that money and get returns or something more profitable.
One of my favorite sayings is, “cut your coat according to your size not your neighbor’s size”. Abegi, why must one go a borrowing just to impress people, when the aftermath of the ceremony leaves you in debt? Especially at the point where you have to start to think of someone else in regards to raising a family.
My advice to young people is that it’s not how expensive your occasion is that guarantees a stable married life. Instead of spending such a huge amount to have an elaborate wedding and when the debts pile up, the quarrels begin, the advice I give young couples is that they should have a long financial discussion before marriage. Issues like who pays what bills and when should be addressed.
Most of the major conflicts people have in marriages are always financially related so it is very important to have this talk about the kind of financial future they want to have and strategize on how they intend to achieve it.
Abi? Weytin you think?
My Igbo brothers don’t normally look to their parent’s to finance their weddings o. I guess maybe your son expected it because you be Charly Boy. That said, I would rather have a small wedding than a big shabby wedding. The only thing I want done elaborately is my traditional marriage because of course, venue is free and it will happen in my Father’s compound. As for my white wedding, I will elope if I have to, have a card admits wedding if I have to, have an evening wedding with dinner afterwards if I want to.
TOO ON POINT!!
Nna, na true talk o! But how persin wan stop dis kain in this age of social media where world must know wetin happen. E no easy to ask make people to do financial planning nowadays.
The world wont be there when you’ll be paying the bills and might have that marriage crumbled. You are not in competition with anyone that your past. period
True talk Charly boy!!!! But I think social media also contributes to this problem, brides now want to be tagged by bellanaija weddings and expensive instagram celebrity vendors which they normally cant afford. They want their weddings to trend on instagram with hashtags but they forget that the wedding will only trend for a few weeks and the actual marriage will last for a lifetime. Though its also lack of contentment and a case of misplaced priorities. I would rather choose a well furnished apartment / home than have a big wedding and end up struggling to make ends meet after the wedding.
Yes to fine apartments!!! I would rather live in a nice house and have a small wedding.
Yes! Oh! Yes! I lovvvvvvvve being surrounded by beautiful things. My colleagues saw some pictures of my flat and asked if it was my fathers house. I asked why and one of them said it looks permanent. So I should just throw foam on the ground and balance the DVD player on the television; buy two plastic chairs and one table because “this world” is not my home I’m just passing go? Hian! the ambience calms me. The light from the lamps creates this cocooned feel I crave after the day’s job and I get inspired by the statuettes. Dasall!
@\bobosteke [email protected] this world is not my home and I just passing go
I totally agree with you Uncle Charly. These days, people are just too fake, Abuja is the capital of ‘FAKENESS’. I love the when he said it’s not how expensive your occasion is that guarantees a stable married life
people need to start thinking right and put their future into consideration before going into what they’ll regret.
Well said ! You are so on point .
It’s mind boggling that i was thinking this the other day. We are in the habit of showing off our wares at the village square for the people to see. It’s almost as though we are incomplete as a people if we don’t show off what we’re working with.
I went to a wedding years ago, and the bride, upon watching back a tape of her wedding ceremony did not know more than half of the people at her wedding, neither did her husband, and there were well over 400 humans there… Crikey!!
My husband and I paid for our traditional and church weddings. I wore only one outfit for my traditional wedding and only my wedding gown on my church wedding.
We put a down payment on a multi- family house
purchased it before these.
We were about to ask people to come and celebrate with us without bringing gifts but my parents- in law were against it. They thought it was too vain to do that.
After the wedding, my parents in law gave us a piece of undeveloped land to purchase at the price they bought it as a present which was very generous of them because the land had appreciated. Of course they encouraged us to develop the land.
In Igbo tradition what makes a man matured enough for marriage is that he is able to pay for his own wedding and can take care of a wife and children. These days, if you marry a woman who is gainfully employed, that’s a bonus.
Don’t bite more than you can chew. If you start right, hopefully, you work less in your old age and can take vacations from time to time.
Well written, Charlie Boy! !
Totally agree with You uncle charly. But me thinks you should help out your lilltle boy ( son). I know what you mean , its up to you what amount you choose to give him, it must not be extrvagant. I agree with all the points raised. But pls help him out , as little as you can. I am against all the financial chaos and excess stuff spent on weddings ,but at the same time I dont joke with my child . strike a balance somehow , teach him the bare truths of life and also give him some support. Enough said, back to work? .
Although I agree with the article, this topic has been discussed a lot yet nothing has changed. The truth is that people will still throw elaborate parties because they want to be popular and liked. You can’t even blame them, the pressure is so much because the wedding day is not only about the couple.
If i say i’m not tired of reading all this articles giving advises on “planning your wedding according to your pocket size”, i will be lying. The worse part of it is that after this article now, you guys just watch, BN will post another elaborate, fantasy like, fascinating, money burning kind of wedding on their blogs.. and these same commenters will go all….awwing, wishing, ohhhing and envying these new brides, not just that, but the weddings posted on BN has a way of making people not want to cut their coat according to the size of their material. (Though there are still some people who don’t get moved or affected negatively by what they see or read about). Its all like some endless rollercoaster. We keep going on and on about this wedding matter and nothing has still changed till now. I think the change we need has to start from BN though. Endeavour to post affordable weddings too, especially for those your readers affected in a negative way by what they see, so they can understand that there are still people out there who can have small weddings on their small budgets. Shikena!
my dear wat u posted is so very true….. d same BN dat posted dis charly boy’s view abt how wedding shud be wud still go ahead to post abt wedding dat cud mk people go gaga……u never see dem upload pics or promote weddings of d ordinary people or d lowkey weddings so how do you xpect people to want to fancy d big and elaborate weddings
gbamest, BN dont post any wedding that is not big and elaborate. BN please try to help us post small weddings, it will encourage us.
Great article. I believe you can have a great wedding on a budget. I bought the fabric for my bridesmaids dress N300 a yard, made it N2,000 per girl, the hair piece was N500. If I upload the picture, you guys will really admire it. Not everything is worth spending big bucks on in a wedding ceremony.
@mrs chidukane
cough cough
Why the cough cough,
That’s very impressive. I stumbled upon a nigerian website yesterday, it is fairly new what I really appreciated about it was it’s variety of topics. One topic though was featuring up and coming wedding vendors. Many up and comers are often neglected. You should refer your vendors to the website to have her tailoring job featured.
evezboudoir.com/wedding-on-a-budget/
People shouldn’t be going broke planning weddings. It would shock all my grinds my wedding would be morning mass and food in my father’s house. After all you are not helping me pat school fees or mortgage when it is time. All in all, it is a happy marriage that counts.
Nne. you ain’t never told no lie. In Jesse J’s voice, its not all about the money, money money…
I’ve seen that so many times. Frankly, expensive does not mean classy. Same way being female does not make you a lady. The expensive ones end up not being worn again, sef. The wearer matters too. You can wear the “hot contours” (he! he!) with a gauche look and look like they lent you the clothe minus the attitude to wear it.
Meanwhile, rock a” bend-down-select” looking like the world is in your pocket (Hello Hadley Chase) and people will give you a second and a third glance.
By the way, how is you Mrs. Chidukane? its always nice to read comments from you. And how is the expanding middle? God keep you always.
Thanks @Bobo, it’s not always about the money, taste comes first. We will soon cross the finish line as per the expanding middle. I know married life is treating you well. I chose to spend on the things I’ll take home with me such as photography, rings, traditional wedding outfits and for my guests, food and drinks and souvenirs. @Bee I will look up the website.
300 per yard , is it table cloth?!
LMFAOO! my thoughts exactly
School Uniform material.
satin, raw silk, taffeta, ankara, how much are they per yard? Please stop trying to belittle what has become to someone, a good memory. You are free to import designer clothes for your entire bridal train and all that, but please don’t come on here to yab someone else’s choices. Na una be the problem we dey talk about sef. Long hiss. Even if all fingers were equal people should be free to do what they want with their money. If na table cloth nko? How does it add money to your bank account?Nonsense
In the whole continent of Africa it is only YOU PEOPLE (NIGERIANS) who have this VAIN problem. Not all other countries do this bullshyt
Nigerians are the most vain people on the planet.
What a society to grow up in
Very Sad . Your only sense of worth on the planet is what materialistic things you own (House, car, shoe, dress – borrowed or not , stolen or not etc) and how much you can show off. So evident all over social media. The vain attitude is in ALL your blood, you cannot shake it off if you tried.
I understand if you are defensive. It is what it is. Truth Hurts.
ps: I exclude the nigerian northerners from this generalization – i see them on social media – they are not like that yet it seems many are very rich,. They have been raised well
Take several seats in Uyo stadium please…. Bullocks…only Nigerians are vain and northerners exclusive…. U couldn’t comment without being insulting or controversial…. Gerrarahia mehn!!!
I’m Nigerian and I agreed with you! Its a disease and its becoming scary to open even Instagram these days. People should learn to stop showcasing this barbaric act. I honestly think parents are to be blame for these weddings. Teach your kids to invest wisely. Wedding is only a day or two thing, marriage is the main koko. Wearing Vera wang or Monique dress doesn’t guarantee a happy home. Even most of Oyinbo wedding doesn’t spend or show off like this. Kilode
Borrowing money for a wedding just to impress people you don’t even know or like…Naija I hail thee. I bet you don’t even know 80% of the people that attend your wedding, so who are you deceiving?
Yes I quite agree too. I don’t just know what it is this days???people are so vain and non challant …and the worse of it all is that the marriages still don’t last??? Can’t people think?? The hypocrisy is so much!
Why does it bother you? We spend because we can afford to. What happens afterwards is none of your bees wax.
Well said @Mrs chidukane and @Tifah but then why do we blame BN for posting expensive weddings? How does that make other people who don’t have much now want to borrow their lives away just to meet up the big weddings they see on here?For God’s sake, no one can have it all. Yeah, look and appreciate, maybe pick a thing or two from this glam weddings that you can use in yours but my people we can’t all have d same money even if we do our preferences will always be different. Currently planning my own wedding, and me and boo don’t come from big homes. Our priority is for our guests to have quality food and drinks, as we no too hold like dat my brother food is first before any other thing in our list. In fact I’m cutting so much from my list cos me been wanting to visit Paris for a long time now. I’d rather have a really small and simple wedding and visit Paris than copy d glam weddings I see and be stranded after d wedding. Besides most of theses weddings we see d money spent is nothing compared to d investments of d families and monies stored. So now how can we compare, kill ourselves or blame BN ? I don’t understand it. Meanwhile just as we all are doing n thinking of ways to move our businesses to heights it’s d exact thing BN is doing. BUSINESS!!!! So please every wedding should be an expression of d love BTW d couple and families and not an arena for show off or competition or copy catting
My Mentor Had a Wedding Without Reception, (First Of It’s Kind) People went home with a pack çontaining a plate of rice, one can Coke, gift item and a cake. I overhead people say he must be a broke ass to have such a wedding, then came Sunday for thanksgiving, he blessed/Surprised his wife with a car for marrying him.. I’m towing that Lane Jari.. He Saved Alot.
I would rather spend a lot on wedding anniversary like 10 years ..above…and celebrate it lavishly rather than be so foolish at the beginning of my marital journey.
The reason why many marriages experience certain challenges is because of how it was announced& all the noise that does nothing else than attracts all manner of strange visitors including ghosts,mermaids & demonic personalities!
A word for the wise is enough but then human beings are known to be rebellious right from the days of Eve so to each one his/her own life Jare!
True Talk. But Charley Boy, trust me if you have millions as people believe you have, no second doubt, you will spend it on your son’s wedding. Is Charley Boy trying to tell us, Dangote/Adenuga will not sponsor their children wedding, because no one sponsor theirs? Other race does that too, especially White people borrow money, spend money on their children weddings, even their entire life na loan. About Nigerian weddings, they are spending too much on it, but wait no be our money na, who are we to judge them? As for me, I am not spending no mumu money on parties. Everything na common sense, as i never get money like Dangote/Adenuga. Oga Charley Boy, you cant hide money if you truly have it.
@Tifah.what are you doing on this blog. Don’t let me catch you. I ‘d rather be a nigerian 100times than a fucking wherever your timid self is from.
BN is a lifestyle blog! Deal with it! You should know by now that they deal with what looks attractive and high-end, it’s like saying high-end magazines like vogue should start covering clothes from primark! Even ovation magazine, If I remember correctly deals with upper class events. Now yes I know BN should cover elaborate weddings, but it’s really left to you to know how you want yours. BN didn’t say “if you don’t have your wedding this way then you’re a loser” they’re here to inspire!! Trust me when I say you can take cues from some of the weddings and make yours as fabulous but cheaper , it’s all for inspiration 🙂 My mum told me she borrowed her wedding dress and in summary her wedding was great but it was just so sad for her because she was trying to save the little she didn’t even have, years later she regrets that decision because while you want to cut your cloth according to your size, remember that your wedding is a once in a lifetime thing, try to make it memorable, the best out of all you’ve ever attended. Don’t compare your own to someone else’s own, you can use theirs as an inspiration, but if you’re doing it cause they’re doing it then you’re doing it wrong! Think about how you want to remember that day for YOURSELF and not how you want Instagram to shake or people to remember your wedding! Do what makes YOU genuinely happy :))
My dear pls don’t speak for the entire igbo race. You know nothing. They look to their parents for financing unless the parents cannot afford it. I know this for a fact.
Elaborate wedding, and then you eat dry catarrh from your nostrils after that. Who are you deceiving? God is watching
You are disgusting!
The best wedding I ever attended took place in 2006. A friend of mine had just lost her dad two months prior to the wedding, so all plans to have an elaborate shindig were off the table.
She and her fiance exchanged vows at the local registry, and then took all guests about 20 of us to a restaurant on Adeniran Ogunsanya St, in Surulere, Lagos. A section of the restaurant was cordoned off, and we had a mini-reception there with food, drink, prayers and plenty of good wishes. It was small, cosy, intimate and classy. It was also the best wedding I ever witnessed. Several years later, bride and groom are still going strong!
“He was expecting to have a high society wedding at my expense (Hmmm…) but I told the young lad that it is whatever he can save for his wedding that will be the budget for it.”
– Exactly how I feel. Indiscipline kills. I know my sweetie. lovely, unborn children are listening right now 🙂 🙂
I totally agree with most of his comments; I would rather a destination wedding when its my turn because it will be all about I and my boo; and we can have our first honey moon on that trip after our guests might have gone back.
But I am sorry, Uncle charley boy is a joker; he showed up at his nieces birthday in ripped jeans and a t-shirt. I thought that was the joke of the year???.
Now everybody is forming “we should cut our cloth according to our size”. Abeg save ur advice for urself, because it is the same people who are dishing out free wedding advice that will be grinding themselves to rubble just to meet up with social media demands when it’s their turn. Bellanaija weddings are near fantastical! It’s something u can dream about, u must not have it. If it’s affecting u negatively, oya leave the blog na! Stop blaming bellanaija for your “long throat”.