BN Hot Topic: Measuring Your In-law Tolerance Threshold

Marriage is a very tricky situation. Wait! I’m even getting ahead of myself. Let’s start with relationships. It’s all fun and games in relationships until things start getting serious and you have to meet your partner’s family members. You have the odd cousin’s  wedding you have to attend because, oh well things have started getting serious and you have to start meeting some of these people because hey, if there’s any prospect of any future unions, you have to get with the program quickly. However, some of these early meetings at parties can make or mar the future. There’s something about first impressions that have a way of working their way into lasting relationships.

Nigerian in-law relationships vary from tribe to tribe and some people have some serious cultural dictates which they strictly adhere to. Among the Yorubas for instance, if there are two brothers and the younger son married first, his wife is the “iya’le” and as such when they’re family events, the newer wife takes second position.  The dynamics of in-laws vary from family to family. You have some homes where the siblings are very mouthy and playful and you’re coming from your own house where everybody is “Broda Mi”/”Sister Mi”. It’ll take a special kind of strength for you to endure what you’d now come to term as ‘rudeness’; meanwhile those ones are just being themselves.

It gets even trickier when you have to deal with parents. Look at it this way! Can you imagine yourself as a parent and think someone can love your child more than you do?  I guess that’s the way it is with some mothers-in-law. My friend told me of how he was on the verge of asking his wife to go back home because her Mom and her sisters seemed to be the grundnorm in their home and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could bear it. I asked him to be a little more tolerant because the whole ‘leaving and cleaving’ thing wasn’t as easy as it was in theory.   Families vary; their experiences vary, their mindset and backgrounds vary and it gets a little complicated when you bring someone with an entirely different mindset to ‘cleave’ to you. Some people make it work and it’s so delightful to see where in-laws get along beautifully. The flip side of that is DRAMA!

When my friend Aina started dating her boyfriend, (now husband) his Mom was away in America taking care of a new grandchild. She met Maami when they came to Abeokuta for the wedding. Now, Maami had been away for 2 years and it had caused a fracture between her and Paami. Paami had ‘procured’ a young sisi to take care of his errrrr physiological needs. But the gist between Paami and Maami isn’t what I want to give you. It’s what happened after! So, Maami had to move in with Aina and Jide. Like any new bride, Aina was not too pleased but there was nothing she could do about it. This was the Maami of her beloved, darling, sweet, dapper Jide so she put all her inhibitions in a box and locked it all up. Because she had no previous relationship/interaction with Maami, it was a complete adjustment.  Maami attends one of these churches where they believe you can never be too careful in this life. Everybody is out for you so there must be one water sprinkled at table,  one candle burnt before you go to bed and oh let’s not forget the specially prayed upon bottles of water.  Living with Maami came with having to deal with all these issues, especially dramatic for Aina because she was coming from the extreme end of the spectrum. Maami eventually got her own place but surely you can’t preclude a mother from seeing her own son,  so Aina learned to keep a respectful distance, remain as polite as she could be but knew to stay away.

Her story isn’t very different from other people’s own and it has helped to set my teeth on edge every time I think of the prospect of in-laws in general. The Nollywood and Patience Ozorkwor stereotypes haven’t helped matters at all but how does one handle the situation with in-laws? Do you lay down ultimatums? Do you gently side-step them in order to live in peace and harmony? In times of difficult situations do you think every body should handle their own side of the family?

Someone  once said “My husband and I have agreed that we don’t want family members living in our house because  they’re trouble makers. Imagine my mother in-law reporting me to Nifemi that I didn’t put the rice in the flask when I finished cooking! Isn’t that a trouble maker?”

What do you guys think? Let’s calibrate your in-law tolerance level!

Photo creditmdbn.org| gagasisterhood.com

89 Comments on BN Hot Topic: Measuring Your In-law Tolerance Threshold
  • Tiki November 1, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    looooool! We are a very close family, all news makes the rounds within an hour on BB, everybody is all up in everyone’s grill for everything, etc etc. However the one thing we do not do is burden each other financially. Plus we respect boundaries. Our in-laws so far have gotten with the program, thank God!

  • shay shay November 1, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    I myself am not married, but all my sibs are, so I get to hear all the ‘drama’ gist. Last one was this past sallah. one of my sis is u.s based and so are most of her in-laws (unfortunately for ha lol..sori sis). her in-laws have a calender and this year it was her turn to host the sallah. so her hubbys bros and their families were around. My sis being heavily pregnant did all the work and seeing as the other wives are closer to each other than with her, it was no joke (gang up). And she had to do it all cos it was ‘tradition’ and she didn’t want to get in a fight with her hubby who had begged for her to please please manage. I feel bad for her and pray to God to grant me such patience and more when its my turn. cos mehn… In-laws are the worst. After all this, they will still go and gossip that she was unwelcoming ptcheww. I have friends who pray silently for their mum in-laws to die. sigh*

    • Homely November 1, 2012 at 3:55 pm

      Whoever prays for her mother-in-law to die, will also die when her son marries. Thats a very bitter thing to think of no matter what. Yes agreed some mom-in-law can be very difficult but praying for them to die is not the best.

      • judiiyjane November 8, 2012 at 8:21 pm

        supported…u are rite joore.if u can not pray for ur mum to die why pray for ur husband’s mum to die.d truth is that human beings can be dificult sometimes,especially mother in laws,nevertheless, if u can marry a man u dont kw frm adams,gettin along wit his family wont be hell.granted problems wil arise at the earliest statge of marriage,due to adjustments to different things, but u got to handle them wit wisdom cos ur husband people are the new family entrusted to u which u gladly accept d day u married him.get use to them u find out in d long run u will become more close to them than to ur immediate family.cheereeeessss

    • Naveah November 1, 2012 at 3:59 pm

      My dear, were I your sister I would have been calling the nearest and nicest Nigerian catering hall to have food deliver. This is what we work had for to be able to allow ourselves some certain conveniences. Nobody is putting me out, nobody!

    • Lamide November 1, 2012 at 4:17 pm

      Your brother-in-law is very insensitive. This is something my ex would have done too. He will rather you be the one that is inconvenienced, and he will beg you later in secret, than stand up for you towards his family. He did that so many times, one day, I had enough, and put my foot down. Face your family, and stop begging me to understand. How can you let a heavily pregnant wife entertain for sallah. Where are his balls? If your family want to be blind and insensitive, you that is the husband, your job is to love and protect and shield her, you should put your foot down. So he would rather risk his wife’s health, and that of their unborn child to please his family. Toh, Thank you Lord o, that i broke up with that guy, cos this would have been me, years down the line. Simple and short, we’ll host sallah not even next yr (cos she will have a baby to be dealing with), but the year after that, or have the sallah at another brothers house (not your house, so your wife doesnt have to do the cleaning up), and you pay for a Nigerian caterer to bring the food. That’s called love, support, resepcting your wife, and being A MAN. Its not your sister’s fault, she married a wuss of a man, and rather than look bad, she decided to take the burden, while your brother-in-law probably laughed and enjoyed himself with his family, while she slaved in the kitchen. Wicked and insensitive man. Mschew

      • Tokunbo November 2, 2012 at 3:43 am

        wow! Ur ex ,usta scarred u for life! LOL! See as u finish the guy!

  • Joan November 1, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    I’m not married yet, but this in-law issue is a tricky one. I once lived with my maternal uncle and his wife. His mother-in-law came over and was supposed to stay for a few weeks. Few weeks turned to six months. Meanwhile, while mama was there, her other children would come over with their own children for days. Needless to say, my uncle got really uncomfortable with it but didn’t wanna make a fuss about it. So the man ‘jejely’ took to branching to my other uncle’s house and getting home at 11pm or so. So bad that one night, he came home expecting food. Wifey said food was finished. Uncle didn’t argue when they brought akara and ogi for him as dinner. Not until, he sat down to eat did he notice that mama was sitting next to him eating the last plate of some heavily garnished homemade yam porridge. Well, there went his dinner, I guess mama needed it more lol.

    Stories aside, I think we can all try to draw the line on in-laws. But these things can be unpredictable. I don’t blame my friend who said she would love to marry a man whose mum is late. But who’s to say that his siblings will not be the wahala? It’s a two-way street, na husband and wife matter. I personally think you should both first of all come to a conclusion as to what should and should not fly as per family. Then after discussing with your spouse/intended spouse, the responsibility of setting boundaries lies with each party. It is you alone that can handle your own family. If you say you don’t want XYZ, let it be your issue with them, but never publicly your spouse’s to avoid misunderstanding/problems across the board. Instead, when you finish trashing it out with your own family, come back together as a couple and discuss your concerns. Family will always be there, so it is a continuous process not a one-time thing.

    My two kobo. :)

  • Naveah November 1, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    My advice to any new fiancee or bride is (1) pay attention to how your husband interacts with his siblings and parents that will give you a good idea of what is to come. If they run him, they will subsequently run you too! If can’t say no to them, you will have to deal with the consequences of his inability to set boundaries. It isn’t up to you to set those boundaries for his family, it is up to him and vice versa. (2) SET THE TONE from the beginning! If they know you are not a door mat, if they know that you will not allow anyone but you to run your home, they will get the hint and watch themselves. But if you come into the family acting like you will do anything to please them, you have failed from the beginning and they will take advantage of you. Be respectful but be firm about what you will compromise on and what you will not compromise. I definitely think having privacy in your home is something that should not be compromised!

    I am blessed with a husband who is not (1) African (2) a mama’s boy. I am blessed with mother-in-law who could be nosy and intrusive but she also knows the type of son she has so she doesn’t even try it. She phrases her questions in a way that leaves it up to us to answer or not. I LOVE my mother in law, she is a sweet, generous, loving and fiercely independent woman. I don’t have to worry about her and the rest of the family wanting to stay over because it isn’t really part of their culture to feel entitled to part ownership in their “son’s house”. She treats me like I am her own and I treat her like she was mine. I am accorded my respect by everyone in his family as he is in mine. My husband and I have worked it out that if any situation arises, I deal with my family and he deals with his. If that doesn’t work, we have a sit down with the offending party. This has worked so far so good.

    • Debola November 1, 2012 at 10:51 pm

      This has to be the best comment here (the first paragraph)

  • Lamide November 1, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Actually, my in-laws tolerance level is quite low, but I have developed a strategy called avoidance, having a poker face (hone your acting skills) and shut up. It worked soooooooo well with my ex’s family, even he couldnt believe I could tolerate them. They are the classic Africa Magic family. His mum will give Iya mi leko, Patience Ozokwor and mama rainbow a run for their money, but I refused to let her bully me. I was known as the oyinbo aje butter their son was dating. Number one – DO NOT SUCK UP TO THEM, you are only setting yourself up to be treated like a housemaid. For some families, if u like be a doormat, it wont make them really like you, but you’ll just be seen as their doormat. Full stop. I watched how the daughter in laws were being treated, and I said me, lai lai. Mama didnt raise no fool. I am allergice to ass licking. When you suck up to them, they believe, you will do anything to gain their approval, and it gives them power over you, and they can treat you how they like. Number 2 – AVOID THEM AS MUCH AS YOU CAN. No going to their house to be sepnding weekends with them, before you know it, you and Basira the maid will have the same duties. At family functions, please please, go late, never get there early. When you do go, wear the most uncomfortable shoes you have, so they dont boss you around to be serving guests. Number 3 – HAVE YOUR BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND BACKING YOU UP. One of the reasons I broke up with him, cos he was such a wuss, I knew he would never take my side, as in NEVER, so I developed my own coping strategy against them. They said all sorts about me, but I was never rude, neither did I misbehave, or even talk back. NEVER. Whatever they said i did. Na to dey look them, and apologise. That’s another thing, dont give them ammunition o, no matter how much they push you. His elder sister tried to rile me up one day, I was just looking at her. She was jumping up and down like a chicken with no head, I didnt say a single word. After, she kept quiet. Later on, she carried my gist around, and she ended up looking stupid. Cos everyone asked her, what did she say, what did she do. Aunty couldnt say I did this. All she said was, “Ko ma soro, gbo gbo oro ti mo ba so, o kan womi mi mumu ni” (she didn’t talk o, everything i was saying, she was just looking at me like a fool). Their grouch with me was, they didnt see me often, I didnt talk, and I didn’t socialise with them. Mi o fa ebi mora (I didnt embarace their family). They have all these Fuji House of Commotion discussions at their house ehn, u cant get a word in edgewise. How am I supposed to contribute to that. All you razz people.

    • Bisqo November 1, 2012 at 4:28 pm

      Lamide, I feel you…. too funny!

    • Poshla November 1, 2012 at 5:20 pm

      @ Lamide, I havn’t even finished reading your comment to realise you’re my kind of Girl!! Your strategy has been mine way since day one that I stepped into my inlaw’s home. (1).While being nice and polite, Keep a Poker face (2). Avoidance
      It’s funny that some daughters inlaw think that by being a sucker up and an everybody’s pleaser they will be liked! LOL! noway! you’l be seen as the door mat full stop. In my case, from day one seeing as my mother inlaw fought to have a say in choosing the style of my wedding dress ( imagine that?) , and seeing everyone’s demeanor in his family gave me a clue to start early to make my stand known that I aint no push over. Initially it took us time to cleave me and his ppl and I could care less ‘cos I felt it was better that I established my stand early enough than spend the rest of my life struggling to undo damages which might be too late then. And to the glory of God my husby and I leave in America, so the distance plus my respecting of myself played a great deal.

      It’s funny that I’m older than all of my siblings law though by a few years and on top of that they try to act up. Sometimes I just wonder how life for me would have been like had they been older than me especially his sisters. Only God knew better than make it so. Thank God too for my Husband who has got my back big time!!

      • Non professional opinion November 1, 2012 at 10:31 pm

        @Lamide…. LWKMD!

    • igbo canadian November 2, 2012 at 4:55 am

      LMAO! growing this was and is still my mom’s strategy. She just keep quiet and plays a fool. Goes extremely late for a function and does not socialize. HAHAHA i miss home mehn. Momsy is hitting 52 and still has not changed

    • folake February 18, 2013 at 2:42 pm

      This got me laughing seriously..lamide i feel u jare. Am married and my hubby is the lastborn and his sisters know that am not for ass licking..i no even dey try pretend..if u come and am in d mood to give u food,i go give u but if u make it sunday sunday medicine to be visiting everyday,walahi,no resket again ooo cos i love my privacy and my siblings and i always respect each others space even though we are all married so my body no fit change to someone dat will be visiting me every day like animal on heat. manage ur home and allow me manage mine too.Too much interference and unneccesary visits sef na migraine so to ur temple o ye familyy

  • aurora November 1, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    Lol!’prayin silently for ur mother-in-law to die’.my late uncle used to say dt every mother whose son gets married becomes the latest witch in town…..dt’s as far as her daughter-in-law is concerned!

  • OS November 1, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    its totally unfair for any lady to wish her mother inlaw dead, whether she’s good or bad. she has spent years toiling to train her son ,who has become the dapper guy you have chosen to marry. she deserves to reap the selfless love she has given. Think of you (ladies) becoming aged and dying just before you sons begin a new family. the best you can do is learn what IMMUNITY will work with your inlaws , it may take some time or may just be early for you to figure out.
    Do not wish your MIL dead, it is your desire to age and become one. The Holy book say
    ‘ children’s children are the crown of o,d age’

  • Oluwaseun November 1, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Lol @ lamide,sharp babe.Let’s jus hope for the best cos the truth is, not all mother-in-laws r mean though.The worst thing that can ever happen to any lady is to have annoying in-laws cos it will get to a point that the guy sef go tire.As for me o if I mistakenly notice any funny shit na to waka or maintain my distance.

  • feintoe November 1, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    Hmmmm! May almighty God direct our steps to the right family IJN.

  • NakedSha November 1, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Dear women,

    Before you condemn in-laws, ask yourself the role you have played in your brother’s, cousin’s, best-friend’s, sister’s, or close-family friend’s marriage. Many people are the dreaded in-laws that someone else is suffering from.

    If the boat is drowning, yes, the husband SHOULD pick his wife over you (his mother) or you (his sister), or you (his best friend from kindergarten). Many women who complain about in-laws have / will contribute pain to their own in-laws too.

    Like someone above said, lay your foundation from the beginning. Marriage is not a war-zone of civil rights but you do not need to compromise peace and tranquility for a ring on your finger or another person’s name.

    If you think you can be kinder to a man or love a man more than someone who he is married to, you will eventually display this and become a toothpick in the bum bum of his wife. If you actually have something constructive doing with your life, you will NOT HAVE TIME to be all in the business of your brother’s or uncle’s or bla bla’s marriage.

    Make sure you have not ever caused wahala in someone’s marriage before you start to pray for the demise of an in-law you probably haven’t even met. Your in-laws will either love you or they won’t. Please, find out BEFORE the marriage. If your in-laws are Igbo or Bini or southern, you’ll probably be fortunate enough to know ahead of time that you’re not favored because these cultures typically do not encourage pretense. It could be mean but you’re more fortunate than someone whose in-laws are Yoruba. Yoruba culture is very respect based and so whether we accept it or not, it encourages eye-service. The chances of knowing (from your meetings with them) that Yoruba in-laws dislike you BEFORE THE MARRIAGE are slimmer than those of non-Yoruba in-laws.

    The reason for this example: do not ignore upfront confrontation from your in-laws before the marriage; it could save you from a lifetime of suffering. At the same time, do not ignore eye-service and over niceness from your in-laws because it could just be that they are not comfortable with making it known that they do not like you. Sooner than later, it will come out. And if you’re married to a man (or woman) whose family is just as much in your marriage as he / she is, I have you constantly in my prayers.

    So, my point is that as much as we have a right to be concerned about our in-laws feelings towards us, we should be more concerned about how we are treating our own in-laws. Think about it. Think about everything you have done to your in-laws, whether or not the motive was good, and how they felt about it. A woman going through pain in a marriage usually is not making it up. Most likely.

    And, be that person who is hardly seen around. Chances are you won’t over-stay your welcome if you’re hardly staying at all. You don’t have to be around all the time to maintain a healthy relationship with your birth family.

    • NakedSha November 1, 2012 at 7:03 pm

      If the boat is sinking*

    • Debola November 1, 2012 at 10:55 pm

      Another great comment

    • igbo canadian November 2, 2012 at 5:06 am

      hmm nakedsha! i know u. My very own jephtite :D sister you have spoken well. Good insight on the different cultures and their communication styles

      • NakedSha November 2, 2012 at 1:47 pm

        Igbo Canadian,

        I wish you had your name up here. I have a few guesses but I don’t want to get it all wrong. How are you my dear?

        ankaraandlace@yahoo.com

    • igbo canadian November 4, 2012 at 1:06 am

      Am good gal, i left jephtah in the junior days. Am pretty sure that with this tip you have figured me out :)
      I hope ur doing amazing. Don’t see u on face-book anymore.

  • Nadu November 1, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    well i am not Nigerian but i think MILs can really be unecessarily difficult. mine is something else. stingy. uncaring and always looking for faults. i’ve been with her son for 3 years and have never received a dime from her no gift nothing. i have given her lots of things just coz thats the normall thing to do. recently i heard she was saying behind my back that i had never given her any of my wedding gifts. i keep my distance from her and all she gets is good morning, good night from me. i avoid her with a capital A. i’ve done my best and now i end at being respectful since she is my husbands mother but thats abt it

  • Aisha November 1, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    I am so blessed to have a mother-in-law who has so much self respect for herself,and she will only involve herself in matters when she is invited to do so. She is what you call a dimplomat and a confidant; all in one!

  • Purpleicious Babe November 1, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    I am cool with having my MIL around….. Am @ peace I will get along with her.

    Humans regardless of your inlaws are protective over their own. I believe moderation and balance is KEY at all aspect. Everyone respects yourself and don’t over do it in any form.

    I myself am brought to be traditionally respectful, supportive and kind. Obviously in the yoruba culture it is expected you go out of your way to please your in laws.
    Me its nothing to do with pleasing its just my upbringing and now my lifestyle, i help because i think its a great thing to do and has it rewards(dont do it for the rewards cos some ppel are mean regardless). Although, some might take the gesture for granted or even expect more but such is life “if you show kindness, some people automatically think its their right to access it”. Fortunately for me, I have come to understand the human mindset to an extent , so technically, I have no expectation and play by no rules, I do me and what JESUS would do (i know am not MUMU and they think people aware of that the way your carry yourself and approach things).

    In a case of the extreme in laws I will say apply wisdom and use the opportunity to develop characters and qualities. Life is a learning process and people that show themselves to be above us are teaching us something not necessarily (killing us even though it sometimes feels like it or that their intent). Being positive really helps me to get by.

    I generally like nice and helpful people and I tend to attract such people so therefore, I tend to draw a THICK line between people that are horrible, inconsiderate, selfish and immature.

    I believe in respect, fairness and courtesy. As someone pointed out “observe the dude and his interaction with his family”.

    Needless to say we should pray to have a great in laws and be sure that your own family are great too cos some of us can sabi badmouth other families whilst ours are crappy too.

    Yeah I don’t want my MIL to die, whether she has issues or not (i pray she doesn’t), it is what is it.

    http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

  • ameenah November 1, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    when i was alot younger i use to wish that i marry a guy that his mother was late, this was because of d way my grandmother used to treat my mum. she was n is still wicked towards my mum. But now that I’m getting married i wish that my mother-in-law was alive, cos of all d stories i av heard abt her.she was an amazing woman. IRONY.

  • iyabo November 1, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    discuss the boundaries before you marry. Unfortunately, many mothers did not raise men strong enough to put them in their place. that must be deliberate. another thing, learn the lesson and raise your boys right. let them have a mind of their own and be able to stand up for themselves. stop looking for repayment for the sacrifices you made which were your choice anyway.

    • praise November 2, 2012 at 6:18 am

      I love you more than words can explain for that comment. You addressed the 2 main issues that contribute to this vicious cycle 1. Raising your children (esp. sons) to love you above all else, including themselves then when it’s time to cleave to his wife, he cannot. 2. Repayment of sacrifices from parent to child. No one begged you, it was your choice. lol

  • Amber November 1, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    @naveah…you are so right..it is the way ur husband is being treated by his family that will determine how you as the wife will be treated.it can be so difficult when you are in a family where ur husband is the only male child surrounded with close female siblings.the best thing will be to try to make friends and never to be on anyone’s side.i understand mothers can so love their male kids(especially if that male child is her favorite)and can be so jealous,but the husband will have to know when and how to draw that line for the mum cos if not that marriage will be on fire.

  • watever November 1, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    For the first time,I couldn’t feel this BN Hot topic jor

    • Ogg November 1, 2012 at 7:44 pm

      That’s probably because you’re a wicked mother-in-law tut tut

      • nana November 1, 2012 at 8:35 pm

        loool.

      • Nadia November 1, 2012 at 8:49 pm

        Correct response! It’s very possible she’s one them we’re talking about here

      • Gold digger November 1, 2012 at 10:04 pm

        LOL @ ogg answer

  • Miss Gambia November 1, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    I used to wish I would marry an only child whose parents were late (as a matter of factly) UNTIL my mum told me that was the worst kind of man to marry (No foundation). My advice would be to start as you mean to continue cause if you start your relationship with your inlaws being ‘Mary yes and will go above and beyond to please you all’the moment you get tired and bored and the real you surfaces then the problems start.

  • Smiley Cheeks November 1, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    @ Iyabo dats the BEST comment so far! God bless you and all our MILs…

  • anonymous November 1, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    My mum says one thing always “oko buruku se fe ano buruku o se fe” meaning you can marry a bad husband but you cannot marry bad inlaws. As I get older I am starting to realize what she means. My uncle just last week also said to us I can never allow any of my family members disrespect my wife and he looked at my sister and I and said if you date a man who never defends you to his family, run before you are in too deep because that is always what it will be. In-laws especially nigerian In-laws are just so intrusive. They have a way of making one feel obligated but truth is once you marry, your mother and everybody but your spouse is now your extended family. Your family is you, your husband and your children and/or future children. As human beings we always like to have an edge over the next person but you have to know when to put your foot down. For me and my sisters, it has started with my mum. we do not let her ask our bfs for favors e.g. take me to the airport do this do that. on occasion he may offer as we would tell them to but we made sure she never made it a habit. People do not owe you anything so don’t make them feel like they do. I tell my mum I love you but whatever is going on between me and him (and this applies to my sisters) do not make yourself a part of it until you are made a part of it. You have to trust the daughters you raised. SIMPLE.
    My family friend got married and said no relatives in her house if you come and visit, come for a day in the morning and please leave at night. My mum went crazy when she heard this and my sister simply said to her calm down because that will be the case in my house and my mum was angry. My sister told her get angry all you want but I will like to start my marriage on the influence of no one but me and my husband and with relatives in the house, it is hard to do that.
    The thing is with Nigerians generally, we are so afraid of coming off as rude because they have made EVERYTHING as long as it is not what the older person wants to hear RUDE. Well then so be it be rude but you also ask yourself a question, at the end of the day are you happy? and what exactly is that person going to do to you? people will only go as far as you let them so I suggest you drum that into whoever you are dating or wanting to marry’s head and let him know you come first to him and he comes first to you. If both of you are on that page, then he will ALWAYS stand up for you and as long as he does that and you do that for him, in-laws and gbo gbo e will remain in their respective places. DO NOT BE A FOOL TO CULTURE Nigerians have used this culture thing to become bullies know the difference between bullying and culture.

    Thats all I have to say about that

    • Lamide November 1, 2012 at 8:09 pm

      my dear. Ose o. I ran ehn, they didn’t see my brake lights. To show you how wicked they are, since we broke up, not one of them has even called me to say, Lamide, what happened. This is a relationship that the thought of doing Introduction was already on the table. So I wasn’t a waka pass girlfriend. Good riddance to bad rubbish. His family, especially that his mum, did a number on him, I swear. Him and his siblings. They live a remote controlled life, and take directions from the mother ship. No argument. My dear, I can hug you. That issue of rudeness, drives me insane. It is the one time I wish I was born abroad or oyinbo, os that para para they will call me akata ti o mokan, e file (she’s a foreigner, she doesn’t know better, leave her alone). Me 100% regional yoruba, chai I can’t get away with it, and even my parents would be disappointed in me, cos that’s not how I was raised. Hence the avoidance, poker face and shut up strategy. I think what is most important is, be in agreement with your man, tell him your strategy to deal with his family, and let him agree, so that when they come to report you to him or when he sees them displaying nonsense, and how you react, he too can act appropriately/accordingly. My ex, thought my strategy was too unfriendly, and anti social, Egbami. BBM Shock smiley. LMAO

      • D November 2, 2012 at 12:18 am

        same thing happened to me if not worse. Thank God l ran. Mine was even worse because l was younger than all his siblings, his mum was the secret manipulator. she pretended to love me as a daughter, called me aside and advised me to be the prayerful wife to be. Not knowing she was planing to have me married into the family and then show me pepper. But the God whom l serve delivered me. he showed me her hidden intentions and through prayers her true colour were displayed. she even told her son that he shld leave me that l am a witch. LOL.
        But on a serious note run and never look back from a man that cannot display u as his queen in front of his family and put boundaries BEFORE marriage. if they can disrespect him infront of u, then its only a matter of time. this also applies to everyone including mama Isarelis in his church.
        l can write a book based on what my eyes saw….

  • nana November 1, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    Im yet to meet my mother in law to be because after meeting my bf’s sis in law..chaii im nt sure i even want to meet the parents. Being that i’m ghanaian dating a nigerian with an age gap of 7 yrs i knew meeting the fam would cause eyebrows to raise,etc but not from the wife of my bf’s bro..God was i drilled on the 1st meeting..how old i am, why im yet to do a postgrad course, why i live in the uk with my parents living in ghana..I mean i would nt have been so bothered had it been a direct fam member….then there’s this issue of culture..the whole wahala that comes with in-laws gets one wishing abominable things on their in laws to be.. we are planning to get married next yr and i am yet to meet the parents bcos i always chicken out at the last minute bcos of what i have heard from my bf himself on how his father especially is..
    He disallowed the marriage of his daughter to an igbo man for some silly reasons and it gets me thinking if i as a ghanaian would be accepted into a yoruba household contrary to how y parents have wholeheartedly accepted my bf into our family. NA REAL WA!

    • Joan November 1, 2012 at 7:59 pm

      In reference to your last paragraph, you just might have something they need :) Good luck!

      • nana November 1, 2012 at 8:37 pm

        lol i need all the luck in this world rlly.

    • igbo canadian November 2, 2012 at 4:58 am

      lol its not news that the older generation os yoruba pple don’t like igbo!. Growing up my yoruba friends’ (moms and dads) would always drill me. The most common questions, ‘Where are you from’ ,’Who are your parents?’ or ‘So what do they do’

    • praise November 2, 2012 at 6:31 am

      Planning a wedding without meeting the fam, then he allows a family member drill you. Everything seems fishy.

    • iya oloja November 2, 2012 at 11:12 am

      @ Nana, don’t worry too much. My mum is a Ghanaian married to a Nigerian with a 10 year age difference; its possible. Having said that, i think you should face his family with confidence and take a decision afterwards. Share any concerns you have with bf and the both of you can work out a strategy. The important thing is to make sure he’s the type of man that will stand for you and protect you from intrusive family members any day any time. All the best dear.

  • Temiloluwa November 1, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    In laws… Hmmn very sensitive matter. If I have a new mom as good as my mom is to her daughters in law to be, I’m okay. In fact, half as good sef. The lucky girls, bbm-ing their pictures for momsy to use as DP lol.

    i wrote on this a while ago, read here: http://temiville.wordpress.com/2010/10/06/monster-in-law/

  • hmm.. November 1, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    My mother-in-law. Hmmmmmm. No comment. Village mama (married in her teens) with Lagos born and bred d-i-l (almost 30 and career woman at marriage). Nuff said.

  • omo November 1, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    nice

  • Amber November 2, 2012 at 1:59 am

    @ogg…looool…abi,by their seeds u shall know them

  • teema November 2, 2012 at 2:45 am

    I have this very easy trick to be in peace with my inlaws, think of them as a very dear and separate family and just be polite, also i go by ” my inlaws are not my friends” meaning i respect them very much but i placed an invisible line that neither of us can never cross which again is being very and extra polite. *wink wink*

  • fisayo November 2, 2012 at 3:07 am

    well,i think its a matter of starting as you mean to continue.my sister always told me that and thats the best advice she has given me till date.they may not like some of your actions but once you show them how you want to interact with them and what boundaries and niceties are allowed,they will later accept it. also, culture plays a big role in nigeria. i am form the western part where respect in my opinion is too much but luckily i married an igbo guy so i dont have to kneel and brother or sister anyone cos i dont believe in it unless ure way older. there better ways of showing respect. my in-laws are a b plus. i would have given them an A if not for my mom-in-law who feels whatever career i go for or whatever i do should be only what my husband allows and that is the worst thing anyone can ever say to me cos im something of a feminist and i believe in absolute equality and not one human dictating another person”s life because he is your spouse. Also my sis-in-law who is like a real sister can sometimes be extravagant on my hubby”s account when we are managing and my hubby will rather satisfy her and pacify me which can be annoying. as for those who wish dier MIL dead,i dont think they have ever felt the pangs of labour and sufferings of a mother so maybe you should go through that first.not forgetinf that it will be your turn one day.

  • fisayo November 2, 2012 at 3:37 am

    things to do. 1) before meeting them especialy for the first time, do some background research about their likes and dislikes especialy concerning their cultures and try to fit in i.e if they are yorubas, you might want to kneel at least for the first time. 2) when you plan to go over, make sure you buy gifts no matter how small especialy for future mom-in-law and little toys if they have little kids living with them. 3)get close to at least one sister if there is one, she will show you the ropes,do”s and dont”s and speak on your behalf and always have your back (you might want to consider buying her little gifts once in a while) 4) make genuine efforts to contribute during family engagements but dont go overboard or your efforts will be read as being “oversabi”. 5) ask mom-in law to be or already mom-in-law about your husband”s growing up years,likes and dislikes, favourite foods and how to prepare them etc, this sends the i truly care message especialy to overprotective moms who will feel more comfortable releasing their hold. 6) compliment ur dad and mom in laws especialy on their looks,they will feel flattered and warm up to you easily. 7) start as you mean to continue. the list is endless .

    • Audrey November 2, 2012 at 10:59 am

      I don’t know why but this one seems like over trying to me.maybe it’s just me,I’m a bit reserved.

    • Thelma November 2, 2012 at 11:52 am

      @ Fisayo: I have an amendment on your point three and this is from experience. As part of your strategy mentioned above, I got close to one of my sisters inlaw in a bid to walk my way through the family. She is about my age, And lukily she is the Ada of the family (meaning the oldest girl in the family for Ibo culture). She’s a laid back and nice girl. However, unlike the other mean ones she is the most tactful, she is very cunny and a little bit political if I may use that word. All in all, she has her family intrests at heart and at any slightest opportunity, knowning that she is the only one I’m close to, she tries to stylishly control me.

      Ever since I discovered this was her nature, I am even more tactful when relating with her. The other mean ones (had they not being mean) to me are even better people to relate with (as my hubby has even mentioned) as they are not tricky in any way although as mentioned before, they are just mean and so I can’t even try to get an inch closer.

      So my word, to your comment from my experience is that it varies from family to family. And as you try to get closer to one particular nicer sister inlaw out of the bunch, please be as smart as a serpent! watch what you say to her and the information you may be giving her unknownly. She might even be the bait to fish out from your mouth to get your real heart intentions about her family (from my experience)

    • Naveah November 2, 2012 at 2:59 pm

      @ Fisayo – If this worked for you then that’s awesome, I do agree about knowing the customs before hand as much as possible especially if one is dating an African man. I do agree that on the first time going to see your in-laws, bring a token of a gift simply because it is just plain rude to show up as a guest empty handed. Permit me to say that anything else sounds like buying approval, respect and love. When one has a job interview, in as much as one might desperately need that job, one doesn’t show up to the interviewee with gifts! You present yourself in the best possible light and earn that place! One can find out about her man’s yesteryears, likes/dislikes by asking him, that’s all part of the dating process. Actually, excessive efforts on the lady’s part might back fire. She could come off as extreme desperate, it shows a lack of confidence on her part because she should be accepted based on who she is and the value she brings into the man’s life and that should be enough. Buying gifts for everyone, trying to forge a friendship with siblings etc does not guarantee anything, if they don’t like the lady, they will not like her even if she bought then the Taj Mahal! And said lady would be foolish to think that they don’t know what she’s doing. It is best to always just be oneself and if they can accept you as you are then you can follow through with all else. Better to be genuine that to try and drum up acceptance.

      • Naveah November 2, 2012 at 3:01 pm

        *interviewer*

  • bostonian November 2, 2012 at 5:16 am

    very interesting piece and the comment were amazing. learnt a lot.

  • opsie November 2, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Hmmmmm….. my in laws respect themselves they don’t even have time to poke their nose into your biz…… na wetin u ask dem dem go ans a dem just hold their side……. Im married to an only boy first born which ordinarily most ladies will run from…….. BUT MY MAMA IN LAW SHE TOO RESPECT HERSELF BEFORE ONE PERSON GO COME DISS YOU…… my daughter is their first grandchild and they love her to pieces but they still respect themselves ……… im frm an average class they are frm the upper class but na how you do yourself dem go treat you……. i dont sucj up to them for jack …. im so in tune with Lamide they even use me as an example everywhere they go …. telling his siblings cant you be like Ope she’s so independent she sorts her issues herself……. she dznt suck up to anyone ….. em i ke kini mo n wa kiri and we even stay in the same estate oooo….. even at that i hold my side the hold their side….. his sisters very nice butterpple dat dont pke dia nose unto ur bizwax…. im blessed

  • Junie November 2, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    @ nana: i seriously think you should run for your dear life. Yoruba in-laws are notorious. but let me not generalize sha .

  • truthz November 2, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    i av sm1 whose sista in law is so nosy and annoying.wen dy 1st got married she use 2 enta deir masters bedrum sit on deir bed and ask how much dy usd up in buyin soup 4 dat wik.can u imagine ur hubby’s elda sis doin dat 2 u.nt 2 even mention his mum,twas like sufferin 2 me.bt wen it gt 2 d brim and she snapped,dy learnt 2 maintain a distance.it doesnt mean dy dnt poke deir noses in once in a whyl cos d husband can so act lyk a dummy,bt dyve cme 2 realise dat shes no toy.i gues one shud find out b4hand hs relatnshp wit hs fam.and seriously PRAAAY

  • Ewurafua November 2, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Wowww!! You guys are really scaring me!! I am a Ghanaian currently living in England. There is this Igbo guy that’s interested in me, but due to what I have been seeing in Nigerian movies, I am frightened to venture into a relationship. I know these movies usually exaggerate, but to what extent – I don’t know!
    Can someone please be kind enough to educate me on the Igbo culture and how to deal with family members? What are some of the things I need to equip myself with? Any tips and pointers will be greatly appreciated!
    Ps. I would ask some of my Naija friends, but there were all born here and are quite oblivious to their culture.

    • Afiba November 3, 2012 at 12:29 am

      Ewurafua: Being a half Ghanaian-half Ibo myself, have lived in the Eastern part of nigeria (Ibo land) but now iving in London and married to Ibo, I guess i’m at a good place to inform you.
      1stly, unlike some other Nigerian cultures the Ibos do not pretend especially with inlaw and marriage matters. They believe alot in first impressions and prior stories they must have heard about you, your past, your present and your family background will determine to an extent they way you will behave in their family eventually. Once you’re not liked based on all they gather asper your reputation and then the impression you must have made on their meeting you, believe me they will not hide or pretend to you. On the other hand, if after showing you their true state of mind where they don’t like if and you still want to go ahead with marrying your boo, one good thing is that they will likely give you a chance to prove yourself. So that is where it now depends on you to make or marr your chances

      One other thing very important to note is this, Ibo people don’t like a lazy wife. It’s of note that they like the pursuit of wealth and affluence far more than other Nigerian cultures and hence the more hardworking and industrious you are precieved to be, (even if you’re not raking in money but you are doing your best) the better chances of your commanding respect.
      Another thing to note is that Ibos love their food and language (even though it may seem otherwise, but they really really do) and even though no one will expect that you be a major at these but atleast when with his family or extended family, try to show some interest in Ibo food, language and culture. Speaking from experience, Ibos are very good at welcoming foreigners or non Nigerians into their home by way of marriage.

      I guess thats about it. Any other experience I believe cuts across most cultures and tribes, which most other ladies up there have all commented on. Regardless of culture, you have to be as tactful as can be. Be very smart and learn to give less information by way of talking too much. Be nice and respectful but learn to maintain a respectable distance. Don’t go being a people pleaser, but at the same time tactfully learn to compromise where necessary. Whether inlaws or not, people know too well when they are stepping on your toes and crossing their boundary so learn to establish your minimum threshold waay on time. But like I said, its all about wisdom by your way of doing it. And please never join in playing family politics or fighting intra-family battles you don’t nothing about it’s origin.
      Good luck!

    • Janey January 2, 2013 at 1:47 pm

      Igbo inlaws are abit okay to content with, especially if u are not from their tribe and willing to learn the culture, its their yoruba counterpart u shld look out for

  • Mana November 2, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    I’m thankful that I have nice in-laws but the best is we are living miles away ;)
    I do not like when my inlaws know far too much about my married life. The same goes for my family.
    It would be unbearable for me if my mother or mother in law would live more than 2 months with us!

    http://www.finest-in-internet.com/

  • ice November 3, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    Hahahahahahahhahahhahahahhahahahhahahahhahahhahha. Tnks aLl ya. A word is enuff for d wise

  • Bliss November 4, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    Maami attends one of these churches where they believe you can never be too careful in this life. Everybody is out for you so there must be one water sprinkled at table,

    LOLS. Atoke, you are too much for me on most days

  • Zee November 5, 2012 at 1:03 am

    All these comments have been soo funny and helpful cos I’m in a serious relationship and we are getting to the “meet the family” stage. I’ve been so nervous about it and I’ve made up excuses to delay the meetings on 2 different occasions because I don’t know how to handle it even tho they seem soo nice and accepting. Already,they keep asking after me. I’m just too nervous! I’ve def learnt from the article and comments while having a laugh,thanks guys!!

  • impervious November 5, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Ladies, God bless you abeg share more, some of us are taking serious notes. Ese (thanks)

  • ESSY November 5, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    i m nt married yet but i was a livn witness to wat my sister mother in-law did to her b4 she(mother inlaw) passd on. one fateful day she came all the way from delta state(oguwachwukwu) with out informin her son(my inlaw) nd my sister (the wife) about her coming to stay. and dat time my sis was heavily pregnant with her twin girls. so she was nt in gud shape to entertain such shot notice visit. wen ” mama” finally settled my sister ask her how long she il b stayn, she flipd out nd startd to curse tha “any woman that does nt wnt her son to take care of her wil die ” immediatly my sis apologized but d quarel didnt end there. wen it was bed time “mama” said she cant sleep in d guest room nd that she wnt to be with her son , so she started sleepn in my sis matrimonial bed with her son (my sis husband) my sis started sleepn on the floor in d parlor. the house was a 3bed room flat, kids room, couples room nd visitor room. all dis happen for more dan 3months. wen ever my sis prepare her meal she always complain nd she was very selective of food , wen ever my sister go out of the house to visit her friends “mama” wuld call her on the phone to tell him dat his wife has abadon her in the house , blablaaaa. one day my unty came all d way from benin to visit us nd plnned to leave the nxt day, den she saw what was going nd insist to speak for my sister , den she called my sis husband nd ask him if he is mother is now his new wife , lukly for my sis his best friend was around, wen d friend heard all that has bin goin on d guy was shockd, my unty insist that his mother shuld move her stuff to d visitors room, nd neva to go into their matrimonial room uninvited. “mama” cried nd startd cursn nd insultn my sister nd my aunty, she said she wont move dat instead my sis nd her husband shuld go to d guest room, my sis agree becos of wahala,this woman usually generate problem dat wil even push his son to beat up my sis which has neva happend b4, i remember d comment she made wen the son slapped my sis becos she prepared her food late she said” shey bi na small slapp he slap u fo face nor b sey he kil u na hanahaha” my sis almost hit her out of hanger but she just walkd out of her site. she stayd in the house 8months the 9 months my sis calld her husband sis nd tell her dat she wont b able to handle d stress of baby sisttn their mother nd also baby sittn her new born , so its either their mother leave or she will stay in d hospital after givn birth pendn wen “mama” leavs.after all said nd don mama finally agreed to go back to d village, she kept postphone her departure date until my sis went to hire a private taxi from the park to take her alone to her village.mama left with grumbling . mama died 4months after in d village.

  • sweery November 5, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Hmmmmm, this in-law thing eheen i’m just getting into the groove of things. my introduction is six days from now and my in-laws just pulled the worst stunt ever on me and my family.

    I was so engrossed at work this morning when my dad called me that my father-in-law called him that he wouldn’t be available on that day as something just came up and its very important. So for him not to miss the event, we should postpone the introduction.

    Ahhhhhhhhh…. you can imagine the shock that passed trough my spine and i was angry that my ever so hot father took it cool with them. i called my boo immediately he didn’t pick up only for him to ping me he’s in a meeting. I fired him and said if he doesn’t leave that meeting at once and hear me out, he should forget about me forever.

    In less than a minute he called me back. And said he has told his father that can never happen he will just have to miss the event noni and send a representative. Immediately my mum and sisters bombarded his phone with calls i trust my warrior family.

    the man later called my dad and apologised seriously that he never thought that would be a big hitch and he is very sorry, called my mum and my warrior sisters too.
    Everything is resolved now but i still can’t get over it. this further prepares me for the in-law course i am yet to take. My fiance will seriously hear it from me o.
    hence, this topic is right on time, it gives me more perspective.

    plus forgive any errors,typing at work in haste

  • idara November 6, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Dating or married, in laws must be dealt with all sense of delicacy. I have heard most siblings and in laws are something else. When you meet good sibs or inlaws, it does not mean they would be angels all the way. You need caution eith them cos somehow they will be sensitive to everything you do and say. Visit my blog , I write some on relationships http://idaraumosen.blogspot.com
    http://idaraumosen.blogspot.com/2012/10/how-i-used-my-ex-no-regrets.html

  • longsufferer November 6, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    @sweery…i can imagine your sister-in-law on this site complaining about you…lol

  • creamy November 8, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    lmao @ alot of these comments, from what i have observed it good to be nice and accomodating but there should be a limit,my mum is nice to her in-laws esp my dad’s elder sisters and brother and it has had its good and bad sides,but my uncle’s wife is also nice but will not take SHIT from nobody and they no well enough to respect themselves. My mum’s accomodating self has got us into more than enough wahala,one of my aunt’s is in the habit of showing up empty handed as in not even a slice of bread but when we go over my mum will cook soup that’s over garnished with meat and things and give it to them,when we were young she should show over the hols with her kids in tow,she showed up once during lunch one of my cuzns said he does not eat vegetable soup dat he wants okro and the okro soup was frozen solid instead of my aunt to tell to eat what he had been served we had to warm the soup i was so furious,but they can’t try it in my uncle’s house my aunt will offer u chin chin and soft drinks.
    if they are nasty keep ur distance if they r nice be nice but don’t be a fool period.

  • Nini November 14, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    how does this article help in anyway?

  • Annie November 22, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    Guys,

    This post and all the comments have been of huge help! I belive I found it by chance and because I was really in need of it. Lately I’ve been having the same issues, coming as I am from a very small family (just me and mom), and dealing with my boyfriend’s family of 7..
    In such a big family, ‘favours’ and ‘little helps’ multiply, so that I could spend a whole day dealing his family issues – need for lifts, paying bills or (what’s really worse) stay-overs. Last year has been crazy with episodes like this so some days ago I decided I had to say something to my boyfriend and let him know that I had my boundaries and these had been long ago crosses (p.e. when his brother stayed in our living room couch for 3 months) and that I could take no more.
    Bottom line is: there’s never a gentle way of putting these unconfortable matters and the other person will always judge you, no matter what, for needing your space as much as he/she needs to have his/her family around..
    I really like this person but, seriously, I know what I’d choose were I to be left with the choice..
    Thanks!

  • isoken November 24, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    This in-law issue is something else. The best one can do, is pray for good in-laws, especially the mother in-law.

  • adenike November 26, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Marriage is not a war where you go guns blazing (judging from some of the comments here). My best comment so far has to be @Nakedsha. In-law relationships don’t come with manuals, my in-laws will be different from yours. Pray for good in-laws,because to be candid,they’re your relatives. To those who already have monster-in-laws, handle with care and pray very well, respect yourself, don’t be too familiar. Too much familiarity breeds contempt. At the same time,don’t turn your nose at them. Don’t be distant,because there’ll come a time in your marriage that they’ll be the one you’ll run to (trust me, it happens) and if you’re already distant, they won’t be available.
    I’ve never prayed for a late mother-in-law,instead,I’ve always prayed for a mother-in-law who’d treat me like her daughter. My fiance’s mum’s got 1 daughter and 3 sons – to her,I’m her second daughter. I don’t see her in a different light. She’s a very nice,blunt,no-nonsense woman (exactly like my mum). Yoruba people will say “mo wa fu oniwa lo n je ore dore” (knowing your friend’s attitude/characters is what makes people best friends). She doesn’t impose anything on my fiance,let alone me. They’re a very liberal family. She sometimes calls me to beg my fiance to do something cos that one na over-liberal sef. My mum on the other hand, wants 100% attention from him, she wants my fiance to call her at least 3ce a week – I said no he won’t. Dude doesn’t even call his mum 2ce in a week let alone my mum. We’ve had some huge disagreements but now she’s come to accept him for who he is.

  • lilwhite January 16, 2013 at 9:59 pm

    Wao this has been the most educating topic ‎​So oº°˚ ˚°ºoo far. I learnt from each and every one comment made. For those of us preparing to get into marriage we really need to be prayerful.

  • lola January 22, 2013 at 6:46 pm

    my mother-in-law 2 be is nice and we have a nice rapor…and since am dated her son for 5 years and known her for 3 years,wev come to understand each other…wev stepped on each odas toes and resolved it without even my guy knowing about it.i just keep praying dat after we marry,tins will not turn opposite.

  • sandy February 8, 2013 at 6:44 pm

    I bless God,4 my inlaws..they are the gud and God fearin kind,thou it wasnt easy wit my mum inlaw @ 1st,but bless God,shes a changed person nw..9ice topic

  • eniola February 12, 2013 at 11:26 am

    I’m indifferent about in- laws, i believe so much in definition of style from day 1. once i was at my in-laws for the weekend n i had to go braid my hair early in the morning, my beau was going to work out too n so we were gon leave d house togeda, on getting to d sitting room i met my mum n sis-in-laws, while my MIL was complementing my outfit but teasing me about it’s length, my SIL who is just a few months older than me, had dis to say ” iyawo eeni dana fun wa keto jade laaro yi ni?” (bride,wont u cook for us before going out this morning?) u wan try response? i pretended no one sed anytin, my beau just fire ham ”if she no cook make una no chop” in yoruba though. By den i was already by the car giggling n giving her tongue out* in my mind. In every little challenge or act of disrespect my baby has bin dere for me so far n MIL adores me too. So please be jealous of me. *winks*

  • damilola April 13, 2013 at 1:38 am

    Lool, funny responses. ..There should be boundaries for everything

  • Stellamaris January 22, 2014 at 8:19 pm

    Lovely topic,originality is d key word,makin ur in-laws knw exactly who u are would go a long way though each party wld av to try to accomodate each odaa bt d truth stl remains dt dey wld knw ur kind of prsn nd relate wit u accordingly. #God pls bless ur daughter wit good inlaws oo# na nuclear family i want,i no want extended family,all dese mothers-in-laws comin to cause confusn..mba,i no want

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  • Tha In-Laws « hitnrunmullings November 2, 2012 at 10:21 am

    [...] monster-in-law, I go just do the Lamide treatment”. Check out Lamide’s comments on Bellanaija. All I can say is the babe get mind and liver. 4/5 years ago, it was something I won’t think [...]