Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: For the Love of Mr. Darcy

Posted on Monday, November 11th, 2013 at 11:03 AM

By Atoke

If you spent your weekend watching the modern day adaptation of Jane Austen’s Pride and Predjudice like I did, you’re probably going to feel as I felt all of Saturday. Mushy, and uncontrollably loving the idea of love and money in romance. Right up there at the foremost part of my mind was having the following things: A billionaire husband who is dashingly handsome, smart and funny. Kids who have a bit of me and a bit of him. A nice house in a lovely neighbourhood. A dog. Maybe 2 (If we live in Nigeria – Dog ownership in ‘the Abroad’ is almost punishment). A house filled with laughter, music and plenty cups of tea. Oh, the sweet feeling of love and being immersed in love with the right person.

Then, as if to shatter the thin veneer of fantasy I had wrapped myself in, I got a message from a friend who wanted to know if she had been guilty of ‘oversharing’ on social media. Then somehow the converstation took a downward turn into how past boyfriends had asked for full disclosure into her earnings.
‘Why did he want to know the details about your salary and allowances?’
‘Because he wanted me to lend him some money’.
And then I asked her why she didn’t offer since the situation had become so dire with him that he was asking her for an audit of her finances.

The idea of exchange of money in a relationship is very tricky. Depending on how badly burnt you’ve been in the past, your view on how to handle it is different. Some people will swear that they’d never do it again. Some people prefer not to bring the baggage of the past into the present and they just go out on a limb and trust. 

Recently, a friend of mine got dumped by his ‘Le Boo’. She said things were not working out for her and that she needed some time to think about if she wanted to go in this direction with him and at this speed. So one weekend, after he was good and proper plastered, he called her up to ask for some money he had given her as a loan to boost up her account when she wanted to apply for her student visa. The babe asked him if he could put a price on all the great sex they’d had and the amazing awesomeness of her personality. (I’m paraphrasing greatly here, but you get the picture). It was hilarious. He felt it was unfair since she was the one who did the dumping. Did he really need the money back or was he smarting from the heart break? After all if they didn’t break up he probably wouldn’t have asked for the money back – at least not then.

Then, I paused to consider other non-monetary gifts that are exchanged during a relationship. Little things that are valuable but meaningful in a relationship – that nice super snazzy fridge you bought her when she got her own place? The remote controlled generator you gave him for his birthday; that diamond ring you gave her -JUST BECAUSE! What happens to these things when the fires of love are snuffed out? Do you keep them as gratification for a time well spent? Or do you return them because you just can’t stand to see anything that will remind you of that person in anyway.

When they depict love in movies and in books, it can be so sweet and leave you thinking ‘Darn! I want that’. But sometimes, reality can be cold and then things like money and material things get in the way. *sigh* I think everybody just needs a Mr. Darcy in their life. Where money is of ZERO consequence and all that matters is the love. *swoon*

Have a wonderfully brilliant love-filled week ahead. Oh and don’t forget to share some of your experiences about giving/receiving of money and other valuable items during the subsistence of a relationship. Did you have to return any of the goods when the relationship ended? What are your thoughts on the logistics of these things? Let’s have fun!

Don’t forget to smile and remember… life is short. So make it count!

Peace, love & cupcakes!
Toodles!

Photo Credit: © ERproductions Ltd/Blend Images/Corbis

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  • 98 Comments on “Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: For the Love of Mr. Darcy”

    Comments
    • THEISOKOGIRL November 11, 2013 at 11:08 AM

      Depending on the gift and if the “le boo” starts turning it into a Big deal.I will return it “QUICK QUICK”.

      • Ugo November 11, 2013 at 11:57 AM

        True. It depends on the gift. If Le boo wants it back, give it back. And his babe that equated sex with a price. Really? You do know what that makes you, right? He loaned you the money. Loans are meant to be paid back!
        P.S. – Atoke, two grammatical errors in this post. 1.) The very first sentence – *spent. 2.) The 2nd to the last sentence (in form of a question) in the 4th paragraph – an error of omission, I guess.
        P.P.S. – i’ve got a question for BN readers please. Sorry to bring this on now Atoke. Here goes, if one is Nigerian by birth and hasn’t done their national service, can they return to Nigeria, say in their 30s, and continue life over there? Is it classed as a ‘debt to the state’, or doesn’t it matter past a certain age? 

        • X- Factor November 11, 2013 at 12:56 PM

          The age ceiling for National Youth Service is 3o, Hence if that is your case, all you need do is to apply for exemption on that basis, you ll be issued an exemption certificate and life goes on….(It’s no debt)
          @ Atoke, weldone once more gurlfriend, you rock any day…..waiting to read comments

        • Iya November 11, 2013 at 1:13 PM

          Nope. If you graduate before you turn 30 (wherever you graduated from – Nigeria, UK, Croatia, wherever) if you move back to Nigeria you must serve. Even if you are 60 years old upon your return.

        • whocares November 11, 2013 at 1:57 PM

          @iya – if you graduate before 30? :O ohhh I didn’t know that was the case. are you sure? I have heard that when you turn 30 you don’t have to do it.. but graduate before 30???? this is ruining my day is so many different ways!

        • Abana November 11, 2013 at 2:48 PM

          Iya is correct. If you graduate before the age of 30 you
          must serve. Coming back to Nigeria after the age of 30 is not an
          exemption.

        • Iya November 11, 2013 at 2:55 PM

          @whocares mehn that’s the case oh. There were some pretty
          AGED uncles who were in camp with me.

        • AAsh November 12, 2013 at 10:37 AM

          Ugo, NYSC is mandatory regardless of what age you return to Nigeria. It is a debt to the country. However, depending on how connected you are – this can be cushioned e.g. you get to decide the state where you want to work and the organisation you want to get posted to!

    • CHIKA November 11, 2013 at 11:15 AM

      I’ve never had to return anything at the end of a relationship, for what na????

    • Nike November 11, 2013 at 11:18 AM

      I have been in pretty intense relationships. Promising forever and acting as if we were joined at the hip *rme*.

      After the breakups I pack up almost everything I have received from the ex; too many memories attached to such items that I can barely stand the sight of those things. I have on occasion burnt some items but most times I give out the things.

      A few weeks ago I actually wore a pretty blouse I got from an ex from last year. Either the blouse was too beautiful to let go off or I have got over the emotional attachments.

    • Vics November 11, 2013 at 11:21 AM

      Hahahaha…Atoke got me laughing this cold and lazy Monday morning, nice one babes. On the matter, I think the gal is not being fair to d guy, since d fact is d money was borrowed not given as a gift I feel she should have returned it or at least not put it to him that way(except if she can say she NEVER enjoyed any moment of their sex life while it lasted) As for me, I have a policy I learnt from my dear mama, ‘ never borrow anybody an amount you can’t be willing to dash out’ whether Le boo or Le enemy, I can’t borrow anyone any amount I know I can’t part with. As for other material things we shared in the relationship, I will refer to that as the ‘spoils of war’ in this case love, so I can’t ask for returns and don’t ask me!

      • nwanyi na aga aga November 11, 2013 at 11:48 AM

        That is the end of this whole story. Any money i cant forget my dear le boo, le baa or le anything I am not lending it to you. I don’t have strength to pursue ppl or begin to speak long long grammar, besides I invest all my money sharply and leave only the ones I need for the month so that when I say I don’t have, My dear friend it will be the truth and nothing but the truth so technically I can only lend you something I can forget. If you pay good if you don’t ok except for some tested and trusted friends not lee boo anything o, whom I am even ready to give my salary and forget cos they will do more for me.

    • Iyke November 11, 2013 at 11:25 AM

      ‘Lonely Hearted ….What has SEX and our relationship got to do with the money I lent you’
      No second chances…dancing glances given…chased inventions…narrow spaces…faces…haunted excuses placed on abandoned cases…cradle ideas become wonted advances…God last seen on vacation…near Lagos. Man implied…tries to impart wisdom to the masses… Temptation “unkept” behavior…unmatched…forgotten embraces…left without tendered regard…wounded hearts sit unattended… Who really cares…dares…realizes or takes notice… Love and life seeds fire…conspires…transpires…left sadness in charge…and left the building…unharmed…unguarded…
      Breaking it down ….. No tolerance for lack of focus…unconscious intent…indifference and unsubscribed distractions that distort the truth of life’s events… Not responsible for your mistakes…yet the burden of your careless charge affect the choices I dare to make….So sweetheart, you asked for a LOAN, I gave you. It is FAIR,RESPECTFUL AND HONORABLE that you pay beck your debt….. whether we are in a relationship or not…… to cancel the debt or not is a choice I have to make.

    • TA November 11, 2013 at 11:31 AM

      Atoke mi of life? Always a pleasure to read your article. :-) Kudos girl,may your ‘well of wisdom’ never dry up!
      @ Topic,hmmm… me I can give and give,then give some more sha. Lol! Not my fault jor,both parents raised me so.. I never ever expect to recieve anything in return,I give simply for the sheer pleasure ,’feel good’ factor and a need it feels for the recipient. So when the relationship go awry,I do not ask or expect my gifts back. Same way I give stuff to girlfriends and I do not ask for my gift or cash (except it was a loan in the first place) back when we disagree and part ways. Yeah,I know a relationship with the opposite sex is different from one with a guy but for me,its same principle of giving I apply. If I see it,love it for you,then I get it for you,simples! If the relationship nor work,nor be force,we move on and try again.
      And I have never been with someone,who says ‘Hey,please can you return that white gold bracelet*insert gift*,I gave you when we were dating? I trust myself sha,I shall say to him with my sweetest smile ‘And please return the pair of LV sneakers I bought you too’! And while you at it,kindly return all the steaming bowls of ‘Jollof rice,Egusi,Edi ikaikong etc etc and all the meals I ever made for you’! Yes o! If any guy dares ask me back for his gifts,that’s what he shall hear,ain’t nobody got time for that kain yeye small mindedness. But thankfully,I have not (and pray never to meet such a fellow).
      Peace,Love and hot moi-moi to you all.
      Have a fantasstic week folks. :-)

      • TA November 11, 2013 at 11:50 AM

        *Gbagaun alert- *a need it fills…

    • H's boo November 11, 2013 at 11:33 AM

      Return ke. Maka why? Well I have never had to return anything and I doubt I ever will lol. Except maybe and engagement ring or gift. Meanwhile I sometimes which for all those good things o, but then I slap myself back to reality when I read things like “Gov’s wife under house arrest” etc. Life is somehow sha.

      • H's boo November 11, 2013 at 11:36 AM

        an* wish*

    • MI MI November 11, 2013 at 11:37 AM

      If I give anything in a relationship, it is a gift and if it is accepted, I can never ask for it back no matter how sore the relationship turns out to be later on. But if a guy gives anything in a relationship and decides that because it didn’t work out in the end, he wants all his stuff back, I’ll be disappointed in him, but will quickly give it back, only because I don’t wana have anything connecting me with such sore pettiness. As for money borrowed, I don’t see y u have to wait to be asked before you pay back, whether you are in a relationship or not, especially when you are no longer together! That’s just very annoying! The lady who says she won’t pay back the money she borrowed, is she a hooker that is taking the money as payment for ‘great sex’? And for her to call it ‘great sex’ it means she enjoyed every bit of it too! She never jam were na why she get mouth dey talk that one!

    • ms lala November 11, 2013 at 11:38 AM

      loaning money in a relationship that isnt leading to marriage is kinda awkward..like really its just weird. somehow i’ll look back and regret begging for extra bucks from an ex that i either dumped or dumped me.

    • mia November 11, 2013 at 11:41 AM

      my ex was suggesting i take one of his cars when i had half way made up my mind to break up with him, i refused to accept it becos i know that will be one of the things i would have to return by the time we break up. aside that, i did not have to return anything after breaking up with my ex

    • BNatwork November 11, 2013 at 11:52 AM

      Its very petty to ask for stuff u gave out during the bliss of the relationship…that being said, a loan is a loan, no one should be reminded to repay a loan, its just nasty when u pretend to have amnesia after taking a loan.

    • Queen of Everything November 11, 2013 at 11:52 AM

      coming from someone who has been on the other side…
      The guy I was going out with while I was in uni asked me to help him get a broadband/laptop contract in my name and account, and out of sheer stupidity disguised as feelings of being in love and whatever you might want to call it I agreed.
      mind you this was a 24month contract and I mumu-shly agreed to be accepting the £40 monthly payment as cash from him while the direct debit went from my account. Needless to say, he only paid 2 months worth and we broke up soon afterward over an unrelated matter.
      Guess who was being haunted by Debt management and collections agencies? ME!
      I had to pay nearly a grand to cover that from my measly student budget.
      As they say, once bitten, twice shy

      • culturebedamned November 11, 2013 at 2:43 PM

        Hahahahaha same thing happened to me. I take ur “Debt management and collections agencies” to mean ‘Bailiffs’ who were chasing me around and threatening me with court action and also paying their own legal fees if I didn’t pay up. I called, begged, pleaded, toasted and what have you the Idiot to pay up only for him to turn around and say I was stalking him! Shuo? As all my niceties failed na I just fired him a harsh strongly worded text reminding him of his and his family’s life history, sharp sharp he payed up. A friend said I went too far with the text. I’m like thank you, it’s not you that that your credit rating is being destroyed. Note to self – never date anybody whose credit rating is so bad that they can’t even get a monthly rolling phone contract!

        Back to the topic if the said item whether money or whatnot had the words ‘loan, borrow or lend’ while it was being exchanged then I reckon you should give it back without being asked regardless of whether or not you are still together. It’s different if it was given as a gift so no need to give it back unless it brings back painful memories.

        • whocares November 11, 2013 at 3:40 PM

          wooooow! lmaoooooooooo. ooh im sorry for laughing. I know how those debt collectors are. I am glad I read this post now as I have been feeling pretty stupid about letting myself get financially used with the last guy I dated (and the first guy too. so first love was shacking my head). but ahh its not just me it happened to. its easier to forgive myself now. @MS SA.. totally understand your situation. @atoke: the plan is to eventually re-write all the classics. so hopefully you will get your wish. I do get your point on “she stoops to conquer” I read those books when I was 9/10.. it totally flew over my head. lol. im only beginning to appreciate them now.

      • Mz Socially Awkward... November 11, 2013 at 3:09 PM

        Ahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!! Sorry, Queen of Everything, wasn’t laughing at you, was laughing at the shamelessness of him dumping you with gbese. Was he a “London boy”, by any chance? The fear of Naija boys in London is the begining of wisdom, approach with extreme caution! … because the longer they’ve lived there without any credit rating, the more likely they are to attach themselves to you like leeches…

        And, Atoke, yes I’ve asked an ex to return my gifts. Don’t look at me like that, I felt COMPLETELY justified. Remember the joker I alluded to in another post who made me pay for half my meal on a Valentine’s Day date (I no blame am, I blame myself for being single when a mutual friend felt like playing cupid)? He always had expensive requests “Oh, you’re going to Spain? Get me a Barcelona FC jersey with my name on the back” “Oh, you’re coming to London? This are the kinds of perfumes/electronic gadgets/knitwear I like”. Believing myself to be a 21st century woman in love (kwa kwa! that’s the sound of me laughing in congolese), I complied without voicing out my reservations to all the one-sided spending. And then the cheapskate idiot found out I got laid off and promptly dumped me. I no go lie, it stung like a mother******* and so I sent him a message asking for certain items back. Being the bloodsucking parasite he always was, he never responded but if he’d sent them, I would have gladly received them without batting an eyelid… No shame in some situations, I tell you (apart from the shame of being used).

        • TA November 11, 2013 at 4:00 PM

          My dear Mz SA, Awww sorry dear. Now that you have explained it so,your case is a bit diff from the typical spontaneous gift giving and then asking for it back when the relationship goes sour. The guy you mentioned was just demanding (some men no get shame sha) and was also a stingy person on top! Ha!
          One thing I do know is that selfish people have a pattern of selfishness in all areas of life whether in relationships or out of it. Personally,I never give with the intent of receiving (and I believe its same for the average chic) but of course you would expect a friend/le boo/le hubby or whhatever to care. And people who care show it,through gift giving and other selfless acts.They may not have much to give materially,but they give of their time,energy,resources,etc etc and expect the recipient to be grateful. A grateful heart surely gives.

        • Atoke November 11, 2013 at 4:23 PM

          Lol! Babe… I try not to judge. :p

        • H's boo November 11, 2013 at 7:45 PM

          I am about to ask my ex for the phone i gave him oh. Cant shout!

        • Ekwitosi November 11, 2013 at 11:26 PM

          @Mz SA, I feel you on getting dumped after a lay off. After I follow clean tears when he got fired, bobo now found a better job, when he is at the rig he will say “please help me with 1000” and when my money will return 50 will be missing. “Please use 700 and pay my rent while I am gone” when the money returns 25 is missing this happened quite a bit, until I asked “please is there anyway I can be over paid back rather than being under paid back all the time or do you develop amnesia whenever you want to pay me back my money?” He will say, “sometimes at the rig I get hungry in the middle of the night while working” yours truly will fry chin-chin, buy trail mix, prepare care package with geisha, sardine, powered milk, cookies etc. and mail ASAP! Then suddenly I was laid off and he remembered that he did not really want a relationship! Do I now ask for all the care packages I sent? All the food that left my kitchen while he is on break? The egusi soups with all the orishirishi, the coconut rice, all forms of grilled meat? Anyway we live and learn, next time the bobo will deposit money into my kitchen account when he decides he does not want a relationship anymore I will give him back his balance from his deposit and we will all call it even! Just like you after the initial shame I just chilled still waiting on the Lord for the new job!

        • Mz Socially Awkward... November 12, 2013 at 11:57 AM

          @Ekwitosi, babes, I know that particular pain very, very well. When the shock of being let go by the company you were loyal to is still a fresh wound and then the PITIFUL EXCUSE of a man that you thought would at the very least be there during your dark hour (and not financially oh, me no even ask and the baggar never ventured 1 farthing of his money) also cuts you loose. Ah, sister. When people wanna know why my heart dey for back in matters concerning men, dem no go really ever understand…

          But God lifted me up and I ain’t even gotta be religious with this statement. Babes, GOD HIMSELF lifted me up from that depression and darkness, when my hope seemed to be lost and I look back now to see how it over-worked out sef, all for my good. I pray this morning that His eyes of mercy will turn and fix upon you, that HE will bring you joy for your sorrow, that amazing new opportuntiy in Jesus’ name, whether it be a job or a business venture that will catapult you farther than your other job could ever have. Ah, that your affliction will never arise a second time whether by way of a man who will TRULY be there for you or by way of losing your source of income. I’ve seen GOD do it again and again, I don’t say this often because I know how hard it is a promise to keep and don’t like to say it lightly but I will pray with you concerning this season in your life that HE will turn it all around for your good. No matter how difficult it seems now, please be expectant and don’t stop believing or hoping.

        • Ekwitosi November 13, 2013 at 1:40 AM

          @MZ SA thank you so much you always know how to make
          someone’s day! I will definitely keep you posted! Amen to all the
          prayers!!!!

    • whocares November 11, 2013 at 11:53 AM

      looool. this is a good one actually. I don’t expect to be given back whatever I gave in the course of a relationship, but if someone expects it back, they can have it.. as a rule I also don’t accept gifts I cannot afford for myself. its too much of an obligation. the way I see it, however bitter the relationship ended, when I gave whatever it is I gave, I did it with love (or what my stone cold heart mistakes for love) that’s what I look at and move on. as a rule I never give or borrow what I cannot forget. if I lend money its usually sums I can afford to part permanently with so if the person doesn’t pay me back, I don’t feel too upset about it.

    • esther edeh November 11, 2013 at 11:54 AM

      i have never returned anything to any of my ex,and i don’t throw the gifts away, except its something that would eventually wear out… but i have seen some cases whereby after they breakup the other person asks the second party to return what was given to him or her.After the quarrel they make up AND quarrel again ,and it repeats itself times without number .. i mean,its childish and if such a thing ever happens and we come back together i would never EVER !!! take anything from that person again …its really horrible

    • Vanessa November 11, 2013 at 11:55 AM

      When I was in Secondary School, a friend’s small uncle had a crush on me. I was virginouslly shy then. Couldn’t look him in the face, couldn’t let him give me an ordinary handshake but my palm never returned money he squeezed in it. When he got tired of my childish attitude, he asked for a refund of money spent on me. Trust a lawyer’s child, I asked him to produce the receipts and proofs of giving me money. His stupidity at asking for a refund was the cure for my shyness. Thanks Uncle George. Secondly, during my NYSC days, I lived close to airport quarters. On my way to the stadium, a guy on his way to stadium too, gave me a lift n brought me back to my apartment. He was like, “corper, no fridge, no A/C in your room?” Next day, he brought Fridge n A/C. I hugged him but his body was rough. I knew I wont date him. After weeks of being denied visa to the Holy land, the guy came with a Hilux to pack his fridge and A/C. I wanted to use my secondary school logic but he begged me that they were FAAN property and he was being transferred and needed to account for them. Since they were not brand new, I let him have them. On a serious note, I have not returned nor asked for anything back from a guy I actually agreed to date. Gifts given in love should not be returned, except on mutual agreement. One thing I would have asked for a refund would have been my virginity.

      • baby November 11, 2013 at 12:54 PM

        lol….your story made me laff so hard…..that guy is so immature…..i think its so immature to ask for stuff you gave someone when a relationship ends…..i still believe the guy in this story did not spell out clearly that it was a loan when he gave the girl that money…..but if he did and she is refusing to give it back then thats not right of her…..again we dont know the full details of the break up cos the guy might have cheated on her and she wants to keep the money as compensation……when people are bitter they will want to use something that will hurt you…i dont have any personal experience but i will never ask for any i give out back and if you ask me i will not give cos we both gained from the relationship…….

      • Atoke November 11, 2013 at 1:38 PM

        Lol @ secondary school logic.

      • Mz Socially Awkward... November 11, 2013 at 3:13 PM

        Dead @ getting a refund on your virginity. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    • nwanyi na aga aga November 11, 2013 at 11:58 AM

      Anything you give in a relationship should be forgotten, if you know you will need it back after the relationship why give it out in the first place? I have never had to return any gift after relationships and i cant imagine myself asking for things back. Anything shared during a relationship should be viewed as a sacrifice, that you can not get back simple. I cant imagine the pettiness in asking for stuffs back. As for lending money the same rule applies, if you cant forget it please kindly do not lend, I don’t even know how ppl ask their partners for money they lent them. Well each to their own *myopiniontho

    • Modella November 11, 2013 at 12:08 PM

      BN I have been patiently waiting for what our Africa queen wore at Miss Universe..No pics yet??tanks in anticipation

      • Damilare Aiki November 11, 2013 at 12:27 PM

        Coming soon Modella,

        We have loads of fashion fabulousity for you our BN readers this week. Keep refreshing!

    • Chinma Eke November 11, 2013 at 12:19 PM

      Hello Atoke, I must give you kudos, from the article topic I didn’t expect the article to take this slant.
      Yes I have kinda been there, he didn’t ask for his gifts back, rather he expected me to ignore his infidelities because of his ‘futuristic investments’ in my life.
      He was no ‘Mr Darcy’, I gave as much as I got, financially and otherwise, and I didn’t mind. But somethings just outweigh others, eg: having multiple sexual partners.
      I do sometimes dream of a ‘Mr Darcy’, or a ‘prince’ to my ‘princess’, but in reality, most cinderella stories leaves cinderella miserable ever after.
      What happened to the good guys?

      • Nucci November 12, 2013 at 11:25 AM

        m dear..the good guys are still there..look well you will see them.

    • lilz November 11, 2013 at 12:24 PM

      oh boy smashed the phone he bought for me and started bugging me days later to repay a loan that ordnarilly he would have forgotten. i paid him back the money o as i was the one that walked out of the crazy r/ship..was a funny one

    • zinnyluv November 11, 2013 at 12:47 PM

      maka say nah wetin apen, on a normal ground i no deh return,but there was an incident dat occured btw my ex n i,i returned dose tins,n he openly told mi dat he wot return any of mine but wen i explained to him he discovered wot he did dat made me react dat way he was so sorry n pleaded dat i take back dos tins.

    • rootwoo.com November 11, 2013 at 1:00 PM

      The truth is some guys or babes in a r/ship with fake motives tend to collect huge amount of money frm their partner which they knw that they won’t pay back. So by calling the huge amount a loan, they are easily given cos it’s a loan.
      As for me, if it’s a huge loan, i will ask for it. I might forget abt it if d amount won’t affect my finance.

    • frances November 11, 2013 at 1:19 PM

      Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter,always a delight!
      For me eh,I nor lend cash even for relationship,to le boo or whatever,anytin I give will be something I can forfeit.otherwise,no lend me dis or that.
      As for returning gifts,hmm,if any ex asks me for them,I will talk to him like the immature person he is.I can actually gv them away of my own volition though,as I may not be able to stand the memories attached,if na diamond ring sha o,I can’t fit give that away,that’s staying! The overwhelming emotions must disappear by fire by force.

      imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com

    • lila November 11, 2013 at 1:22 PM

      it is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

      I am a huge fan ..seen ALL the adaptations(my best is still BBC ‘s adaptation with Colin Firth *swoons*) including the bollywood version.

      and you say there is a modern day adaptation…YIPEEE!!!! ** off to go download**

      • Atoke November 11, 2013 at 1:35 PM

        Look for The Lizzie Bennet Diaries on YouTube. Love love love. Some people were leaving comments like it was real. Lol

      • whocares November 11, 2013 at 1:41 PM

        and a modern adaptation of the books as well!!! some guy is trying to re-write our beloved Jane Austen book so these new generation kids can understand it. personally, I DONT LIKE IT, but most people seem to think its a good idea.

        • Atoke November 11, 2013 at 2:09 PM

          Oh but it would be nice to have a modern day adaptation of “She Stoops to Conquer”. Is there one of Hamlet? or Macbeth?

          *runs off to Google*

    • obi November 11, 2013 at 1:32 PM

      @THEISOKOGIRL, once you are above 30, you are exempted from youth service. just come home and apply for an exemption certificate and you will be issued one.

    • Changing Faces November 11, 2013 at 1:48 PM

      The girl that refused to pay back a loan given in her time of need is just plain ungrateful. He didn’t gift her the money, she needed it to complete her funds for her visa application so that’s just wrong on soo many levels. The argument that she slept with him is just stupid. Did she not sleep with him too? If it was the other way round, the guy would be called all sorts of names. The guy shouldn’t have asked, she should have repaid even before the relationship ended.

    • Mrs Dangote (nee Anonymous) November 11, 2013 at 2:07 PM

      I overheard a guy complaining to his friend that he had bought his corper chic a Kia Cerato as a gift. A few months later, things went awry between them and he sent his “boys” to her apartment tow “a black Cerato”. The boys got there and towed the black Cerato.
      Yawa gas when the girl’s neighbour came out and couldn’t find her car. It turned out both the corper chic and her neighbour drove the same kind of car and the neighbour’s car had been towed instead!

      • Mz Socially Awkward... November 11, 2013 at 3:16 PM

        Chei, these stories/comments are making my afternoon….

      • jinkelele November 14, 2013 at 1:51 AM

        ROFLMAO!!!!

    • Iya November 11, 2013 at 2:10 PM

      Nope. If you graduate before you turn 30 (wherever you graduated from – Nigeria, UK, Croatia, wherever) if you move back to Nigeria you must serve. Even if you are 60 years old upon your return.

    • Joan85 November 11, 2013 at 2:18 PM

      I broke up with my ex last year. All the gifts I got (well, except this nice blazer that I kept) from him were all very expensive and were also very welcomed by the people at my local Salvation Army. #ThatIsAll :)

    • Priscy November 11, 2013 at 2:18 PM

      It has neva happened to me. It happened to a close friend of mine. She literally bought everything this guy owns..azzin everything. From spoons, to furniture, electronics ,a car and the most annoying was a land…all in his name o. Meanwhile this babe was always on keke. When the cheating he-goat dumped her, she demanded at least her car and land. He laughed her to her face and said she must be dreaming. Thank God she had his key coz she went to the house when he was not around and found the land papers and sharply did change of ownership. That’s the only thing she got out of the relationship.

      • I Rock November 11, 2013 at 3:52 PM

        How can a woman buy furniture, electronics, a car and a
        piece of land for a man he is just dating? It sounds ridiculous to
        me but that may be as a result of the way I view certain
        things.

      • TA November 11, 2013 at 4:32 PM

        Women! women oh! women. You dey hop keke but you buy car and land for man (I hope say this your friend build house,buy car for her mama before engaging in such mindless investments!) wey just dey shine ya congo…man wey nor pay bride price come marry you? I weep for my fellow women.

    • Iya November 11, 2013 at 2:56 PM

      @whocares mehn that’s the case oh. There were some pretty
      AGED uncles who were in camp with me.

      • whocares November 11, 2013 at 3:52 PM

        LMAOOOOOOO. oh gods! if any one is willing to start a campaign to scrap nysc, I’ll join them.

        • H's boo November 11, 2013 at 7:48 PM

          I will join too.

    • T November 11, 2013 at 4:24 PM

      This just happened t me o.. Except in my own case it is not a bf. its an older relatives wife who “borrowed ” alot of money from me with the promise to pay back at the end of the month cos her husband wasn’t around. Mind you, this was march this year. Mumu like me graciously almost emptied my account “to help” (and i even hoped to make interest out of it o)
      Now the husband is back, and i cant find her brake light anywhere.

      I learnt d hard way not to borrow what you cant dash… But i must collect my money back sha by force by fire. Any ideas?

    • Seye November 11, 2013 at 4:30 PM

      I loaned an ex a lot of money once. Suddenly bros started misbehaving afterwards. Is me a very stupid person. I tolerated his crap mehn and bidded my time. The day he returned my money is the day i broke up with him. Mama did not raise a fool. Even after I told mumsie I borrowed me money, if it wasn’t that it was phone gist she said she would have slapped sense into me. Luckily I was always stingy koko with my money. Anything he wanted rather than get as a gift I made him pay part of the money. He did the same for me too, nothing spoil.

      • Happy Special Awesomeness November 19, 2013 at 2:30 AM

        You sound like a QC girl lol “stingy koko” haven’t heard
        that in a while

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian November 11, 2013 at 4:34 PM

      Heard tell of a babe, apparently the dude had given her
      some underwear for valentine. Fast forward a few months and they
      were having a fight, babe actually went into the room and brought
      the under wears which she had worn and washed and worn and washed
      and worn and washed……threw them at the guy and declared it was
      over.

      • nwanyi na aga aga November 12, 2013 at 9:25 AM

        looooooooooooool! Some babes sha

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian November 11, 2013 at 4:39 PM

      I am currently re reading Nigerian Classics: Akin the
      Drummer Boy, Pacesetters, Anthills of the Savannah, etc Some such
      drudgery of my childhood i never imagined i would voluntarily take
      up unless under intense duress.

      • whocares November 11, 2013 at 5:21 PM

        really? intense duress? I thought the books were amazing. I cant remember the drummer boy. but sugar girl? trials of brother jero? my father’s daughter and my mother’s daughter? (did i get those wrong?) second chance? (I was trolling the internet the other day looking for this book. I cant buy it anywhere.. it hurts my soul) I will gladly read them anyday!!!!

      • Mrs Dangote (nee Anonymous) November 11, 2013 at 5:44 PM

        I am reading Oliver Twist….though not a Nigerian classic, but a good read though :-) You should read The Potters Wheel by Chukwuemeka Ike.

      • Atoke November 11, 2013 at 5:56 PM

        Oohhh!!! I saw Anthills of the Savannah on Amazon. Thanks. I’m so excited. Lol

      • Ekwitosi November 11, 2013 at 9:06 PM

        @Bobosteke & Lara Bian Whenever I am home sick I
        read all these old African classics. In fact recently I read all
        the books written by Buchi Emecheta. I wish she can be more
        celebrated her books can teach a thing or two to an African woman
        in as much as they were written years ago. So long a letter by
        Mariam Ba, Drummer boy by Ken Saro Wiwa, Chinua Achebe’s books,
        Weep not Child etc. You will be surprised how many of these books
        you can find in your local libraries!

    • Amrita November 11, 2013 at 5:05 PM

      In reality u dont lend money to boyfriends. That’s a total no-no if u ever expect to c the money again. Of course there r exceptions, but the rule is, as long as u r not married, do urself a favor and keep ur hard-earned money to urself. Giving ur man a gift is always good, but lending him money is not. I learned that the hard way – its been 2 years, and tho my ex keeps popping up now and then, my money doesnt pop up with him. My dears, save ur money for ur husband ooo! Lol

    • Gorgeous November 11, 2013 at 5:38 PM

      Thats wrong of the babe. If he gave her a loan she should return the money. How shameless of her.

    • meeeeee November 11, 2013 at 6:21 PM

      i love loaning le boo money, in fact i always pray he forgets his wallet when we go out because i always get double the amount in return…winks

    • favoured girl November 11, 2013 at 8:26 PM

      My own is even worse apart from the countless money I lent
      him when we were dating I even lent after we broke up. He called me
      one day so desperate asking for a loan fo a thousand pounds! told
      him I was starting my masters the following month!and I would need
      it…… Well that was 2008 and I’m still waiting. I was so crazily
      in love with that boy. Before getting married last year I was so
      desperate I called him to please return even half but he stopped
      picking my calls. Anyways karma is a bitch he will get what’s
      coming to him. Tope if u are reading this God is watching u in
      3D

      • Sassy November 11, 2013 at 10:29 PM

        Favoured girl, don’t worry about Tope. God is still God and
        his word says Tope shall get whatever he has sown. He will probably
        spend his days wondering why money always eludes him.
        Hehehehehe.

    • DOO November 11, 2013 at 9:44 PM

      I still have gifts from my exes (it is a good way to
      remember them) and I hope they still have gifts from me too.
      Whatever she gets she keeps

    • Sassy November 11, 2013 at 10:22 PM

      Loaning money to a boyfriend/girlfriend is just plain
      stewpid! Loaning money to husband sef is just plain asking for
      trouble as most husband will begin planning untop that your money.
      #mytwocentsworth#

    • dami November 11, 2013 at 10:39 PM

      Lmao @favouredgirl. Y’all make me laugh. Atoke u alone can
      make me laugh on Monday except of course I’m in Aberdeen! Thanks
      babes

    • omo akhigbe November 12, 2013 at 8:51 AM

      My God! I love all of you that have read these classics. The truth is that the novelty never wears out when they are read repeatedly. For those lovers of Pride and Prejudice pls go and read Mr Darcy takes A Wife. It’s one of the modern sequence to pride and prejudice and i promise you, you wont be disappointed. As for the topic i should return all monies borrowed but never give back a gift unless holding on to it will give me much headache.

      • lila November 12, 2013 at 1:41 PM

        dear omo (my namesake!!!) where can i get the book from.. i
        need to read it NOW!!!!

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian November 12, 2013 at 10:53 AM

      By intense duress I meant books like Cry My Beloved Country, The Foreman, Anthills of the Savannah, A Man of the People, A Place Called Freedom. Such books seemed so lackluster when compared to books authored by James Hadley Chase, Ken Follet, Jeffery Archer, Stephen King, Enid Blyton, Mills and Boons, and all stories under Silhouette a la Desire, Intrigue, Sensation, Special Edition etc. (shamefully covers eye),

      But I love me some “Ralia the Sugar Girl. I remember the witch “Ayawa” who wanted to eat her, (can never forget this line.. she had a voice which was not good for shouting, it was only good for singing”) ; the smitten dude of Second Chance “who rode on his bike from Ajegunle to Ikoyi in a do or die mode”; or Time Changes Yesterday featuring Kofoworola Odu, Enitan, Bode and Joy. Or the Passport of Mallam Ila…… I could go on and on.

      Point is now I find myself reaching for more and more for the erstwhile dull and supposed impossibly boring reads. I recently finished Wizard of the Crow, by Ngugi wa Thiong’o. I laughed out loud so many times I had tears running down my cheeks. I am half way through Fyodor Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment which has got me perplexed with equal smarts of spontaneous laughter. I also reintroduced myself Aesop’s Fables.

      There just is a whole world to be rediscovered in these books and boy, I’m I loving the ride!

      • whocares November 12, 2013 at 11:44 AM

        ooooh you have to read “the idiot” by Dostoyevsky as well
        you will love it. also candide by Voltaire. id say candide over the
        idiot. it is even available free online to download. I know what
        you mean though. I find myself reaching for these books more and
        more, and I am still trying to buy second chance and time changes
        yesterday but I honestly cant find them anywhere!!! I have never
        read and don’t think I will ever read a Stephen king.. too scary
        for me. the book I read the other day was “the book thief” it was
        fantastic. I finished the book, looked around me and wondered how
        everyone else could just be acting normal as if I hadn’t just had
        the best experience of my life! I have gotten some book
        recommendations from you and mrs dangote. I am going to try to find
        them all now. ps: if you are into books for the young urns like I
        am.. please tell me you have read “the little prince” as well. my
        friends think I have at least 3 loose screws in my head for loving
        the book so much. lol.

      • TA November 12, 2013 at 1:12 PM

        Yeah I need to book a seat on that your ride o! Lol! Some
        of the books you mentioned were published under the African Writers
        Series (God bless Achebe). In my dreams, my book would be published
        under the AWS someday,Lol! Until I woke up to the news one day that
        the series had closed! Ha! I even cried sef. Lol! The Pacesetters
        were awesome too; Bloodbath at Lobster’s close,Evbu my Love etc. I
        I recently downloaded Olaudah Equiano’s book on Okada books (thanks
        Ofili) and started re-reading,@ Ofili,if you are reading
        this,please could you add more books to Okada books? It would be
        nice to see more books from the AWS series on Okada books. Thanks
        in advance :-)

      • Mz Socially Awkward... November 12, 2013 at 2:09 PM

        Ermmm, I just finished eagerly consuming the “Hunger Games”
        trilogy and now feel very shallow upon reading your list. But,
        sometimes, a girl just needs a bit of nonsensical fluff to escape
        into, ya know? :-) One of the best advantages to having a mum who’s
        a literary academic is that her vast library is stocked with most
        of the African Lit classics (and then some). Except, she’s
        beginning to realize how valuable her collection is and isn’t so
        keen on us borrowing them any more… I must “thief” a couple on my
        next trip back home…

      • Lizzie November 15, 2013 at 9:35 PM

        Thought it was passport of Mallam Illaya. An African
        Night’s entertainment is another lovely book, a lucky chance, a
        welcome for chijioke, chike and the river, Eze goes to School and
        College, etc… lovely memories

    • Lizzy November 12, 2013 at 10:53 AM

      Loaning money to a bf is stupid….wait i have done that…a lot of money… i didn’t even ask..oh yea we’re married now. Thank God! e for pain me pass ehn!

    • eniola November 12, 2013 at 11:12 AM

      LOOOOOL @ all the comments. Was so busy yesterday didn’t get to read your banter until now Atoke. I have a jersey I got from my ex during Christmas last year, with the inscription ”*****’s 1” at the back. We broke up since Feb. but I still wore the jersey a couple of times! LOOL. *dontblameme-itsstillnew* Until recently when I started dating again. I don’t return stuffs and don’t request for stuffs I gave during the course of a relationship. Never happened to me sha. Plus I easily detach myself from feelings and emotions. My last relationship lasted three years plus, so I have countless souvenirs from it, both big and small, – the TV in my room, (which I still watched last night) accessories, sweater (which is always beside my pillow 24/7-incase I get cold at night), DVDs, shoes… the list is endless. And I still have stuffs from the ex before him sef. aye o pare mehn.

    • AAsh November 12, 2013 at 11:35 AM

      I got my fingers burnt recently……After i got married, i
      decided to return personal items e.g. my ex’s childhood-pictures. I
      contacted my ex and got the shocker of my life when he started
      demanding for ridiculous items such as a gold-chain he gave me
      12years ago….DUH!!….the guy was just plain immature and
      spiteful….i couriered his pictures to him, however; i kinda wish
      i tore his pictures into pieces before giving it to the
      mail-man…..Makes me thank GOD i didnt end up with such a horrible
      guy. Good Riddance to Bad Trash!!!!

    • AAsh November 12, 2013 at 12:25 PM

      I got my fingers burnt recently……After i got married, i decided to return personal items e.g. my ex’s childhood-pictures. I contacted my ex and got the shocker of my life when he started demanding for ridiculous items such as a gold-chain he gave me 12years ago….DUH!!….the guy was just plain immature and spiteful….i couriered his pictures to him, however; i kinda wish i tore his pictures into pieces before giving it to the mail-man…..Makes me thank GOD i didnt end up with such a horrible guy. Good Riddance to Bad Trash!!!!

    • chinco November 12, 2013 at 4:41 PM

      LMAO @ all d comments. Jst reading them now.

    • jinkelele November 14, 2013 at 2:23 AM

      I have read EVERY book of Jane Austen ever published, oooh
      you could just throw me into ocean romance and courtship of that
      era and I would swim laps. No be all this gra-gra, twerking, crotch
      grabbing, butt injection, look at me entertainment of this day.
      Atoke I really hope this modern day adaptation is it oh – make e no
      spoil my memories.

    • jinkelele November 14, 2013 at 2:34 AM

      LIzzie bennet diaries…thumbs down

    • omo akhigbe November 14, 2013 at 6:16 AM

      @ lila, my local vendor helped me purchase mine online but i got to know of the book from this web site: fantasticfiction.com! Sorry i would have lent you mine but as a personal rule, i can loan/lend out any material thing of mine but not my books for if anything as small as a scratch shld befall them, hmmm! My dear the thing dey pain me for body pass pepper for eye so pls lets not even in there. But pls dont underestimate these bend down road side book sellers/vendors, they sell a lot of trash as well as treasures. Good luck.

    • Akinola feyi November 14, 2013 at 10:43 AM

      I know of a guy who buys stuff into his apartment to surprise gf at every visit. Once he bought a 20 cm height mattress, next got a carpenter to fix wardrobe so d lady could keep her clothes when she complained of friends sharing same clothes she shares with bf whenever she visit. Hence bf keeps his cloths under lock n key away from friends. At another time, he bought a dressing mirror so gf can use, 42 inches Tv and all that. When relationship got sour he packed all these things bought because of her to her house saying seeing those things reminds him of her n its hunting plus all the cash/gifts given were never returned nor asked for. That’s what I call dividend of democratic relationship. Lols

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian November 18, 2013 at 5:50 PM

      @whocares I was in Lagos over the weekend and was able to purchase The Idiot, and Candide and a copy of Second Chance. I left standing instructions for Time Changes Yesterday which would be in over the weekend.

      Any suggestions for mailing instructions? (only if you are interested of course)