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BN Hot Topic: How Many Yards of Wife Material

Atoke

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Last week I was cracking my head on what topic to discuss this week and I was completely stumped. Generally I like to talk about a wide and varied scope of life issues and not only romance-related issues, so sometimes I’d like us to discuss issues that affect us all and hopefully we can find ways to benefit each other through the comments and light banter. However, love is truly a universal language and I find myself being drawn into matters of the heart and relationships in general.

Earlier on this year, during the Occupy Ojota stand off, I found that one of my friends had just moved to somewhere close to me so my cousin and I decided to go and chill there. I was very excited because it was a new place to go to faf about, play video games and drink red wine. The first thing that hit me when I stepped into the flat was the mess. There were clothes strewn everywhere, empty soda cans in the hallway and the plates in the sink were so dirty, the food remnants had caked. While I tried really hard not to judge him for being a little pig, my cousin who had the self-control of a four year old burst out on our way home; “Ahn ahn!  But Ekene has a girlfriend na! Why was that place so dirty like that. Doesn’t she go there every time?” I thought about it long and hard. It was a tricky one; one minute you’re being all “domestic” cleaning his flat, washing plates because you just can’t stand dirty places and the next minute you’re being tagged as “Playing Wifey”.   I completely forgot about that situation until last week in the office when one of the guys exclaimed “When girls say they don’t want anything SERIOUS don’t believe them oh!”. He went on to to lament about how one babe was “slowly worming her way into my house, bringing bath mat because she doesn’t want me to slip and last week it was mop and mop bucket! Abeg I don’t want”

I was shocked! How do you know she’s not just being caring? she doesn’t want you to fall and hit your knuckle head on the bath. Duh!  My friend Toun is one of the sweetest people on earth. If she meets you today, she’d be looking for ways to help you and shower you with as much love as possible whether you’re a boy or a girl.

A lot of people say women don’t know what they want but sometimes men confuse me! You don’t carry their plate to the kitchen, it means you’re not a “wife material”. You don’t make stew when you come on holiday from jand “You’re not caring”. You bring wine glasses because you’re tired of drinking out of cheap plastic cups “you’re trying to invade my space”. You’re arranging the house because honestly you can’t stand the mess, it is automatically translated to “you’re trying to make yourself too comfortable”

Honestly I’m confused. How many “yards” of wife “material” is one supposed to possess that will fit just right? On the other hand there are some women who really see it as all part of being a strategy. For some of them it pays off, but in other cases you hear sob stories of “After I washed his brother’s boxers he went and married that Jennifer”.

What do you guys think? Let’s discuss.

Photo Creditsocialsciencelite.blogspot.com

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore.Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

145 Comments

  1. Oyinade

    June 28, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    Nice article and I’m the first to comment.

  2. Oyinade

    June 28, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    😉

  3. cathy

    June 28, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    hookay adjusting my sit

  4. Lucia

    June 28, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Lolzzz! Guys r really hard to please! Gosh…. The best thing is just to act like a woman but think like a man…..

    • Gold digger

      June 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

      Amen to that !

    • bee

      June 29, 2012 at 9:51 am

      Theoritically, this is the best thing However practical is that? In my opinion, we need to be realistic and know when someone needs that level of relationship smart. communication is the key!

  5. Myne Whitman

    June 28, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Study the person you’re with and do accordingly. And of course, don’t forget who you are, if you will cry after doing all that, then stay clear. Left to me, I’ll say don’t play wifey until you’re sure you’ll be a wife.

    • onlyifyouknew

      December 20, 2012 at 9:43 am

      i so appreciate your comment on this. lotta peops dont take thier time to study who they’re with. its either they just want the looks, familiarity, sex, money or just only the lustful attraction. other minute details have more weight than what focus is being channeled to.

  6. chinco

    June 28, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    I like the topic, its quirky. Frankly I hate the whole wifey thing (I’m a lady BTW). I think its ridiculous and spells DESPERATE when ladies do all that especially when its not in character. Some ladies r naturally messy and won’t do their own laundry but won’t hesitate to clean up after their men cus they want 2 please. Anyway I think guys too should be mature about it, if u meet som1 who wants to take care of u, just go with it, doesn’t mean its ‘a noose’ round ur neck.

  7. ochy

    June 28, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    some of dem just pretend a lot and are insecured.

  8. anidiv777

    June 28, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    If ur house is untidy guys, clean d mess up…a lady shld only clean it up if she is d one who messed the place up…u start cleaning up for a guy and suddenly, he believes its ur duty. A man that would get married to u will do dat whether u clean up or not so my gurls dont go been the househelp/housemaid to any guy – if he hasnt put a ring on ur finger( no b engagement ring ooo) – spare urself the stress.

    • Sindy

      June 28, 2012 at 8:25 pm

      U r so right, ladies shld not do wife’s work when u r just GF……d guy no get hand….abegggi

    • Tr

      June 29, 2012 at 2:16 pm

      Word!

  9. jay

    June 28, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    Most times,just being your self pays cos guys can be too difficult

  10. jay

    June 28, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Most times,it pays t̶̲̥̅̊ợ̣̣̇̇̇ just be ur self cos some guys are just confused α̲̅πϑ don’t know what they want

  11. revivedafrikana

    June 28, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    This is really tricky. It depends on what stage of the relationship you are in.
    Like they start cleaning up guys mess if you just met him 2 months ago.
    He will think you are nice but then again before you know it he will tell you to stop acting like is mother 🙂
    http://www.sweetmothermag.com

  12. kk49

    June 28, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    To be honest.. my dear sistas, as a woman with lots of life experience, married with 2 kids.. There’s nothn like ‘WIFE MATERIAL’.. trust me der are lots of women wit very bad character, lazy n all but they hve pple dat marry dem! BELIEVE ME!
    I remember my mum used 2 always tell me when i ws younger dat she ddnt wash any man’s clothes, cook or clean in any man’s house b4 she got married… The whole trick to finding a good man is to be YOURSELF!!! Don’t go out of your way 2 pls any man.. let him be d one 2 go d extra mile to win your heart, he is the one 2 ask for your hand in marriage. Then when he actually marries you, den you take care of him to d best of your ability and trust me he will reciprocate, if he is the right one.. LADIES! you are nt 2 suggest or ask a man 2 marry you! If he doesnt want 2 ask you.. plss keep it moving! Just be who u are n d right persn will cme along.. n will take you for who you are..

    • Bee

      June 28, 2012 at 4:11 pm

      God Bless u, U’ve said my mind…

    • lilly

      June 28, 2012 at 6:56 pm

      WORD!!!!

    • partyrider

      June 28, 2012 at 7:12 pm

      #Gbam #Gbam #Gbam

    • sassycassie

      June 28, 2012 at 7:30 pm

      best response. love your mum

    • Purpleicious Babe

      June 28, 2012 at 11:13 pm

      she said it all.. BE URSELF..

      http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

    • babyzio

      June 29, 2012 at 12:41 am

      KK49 you are right on point. I am guilty of trying hard to please. I tried and tried and tried and after a while I couldnt try again. I just got fed up and let it go. And guess what, barely four months later he was married to someone else. Really, no one can sustain pretence so I have learnt just to be myself and laugh out loud as I really love to. Because at the end of it all, the only person I can authentically be is myself.

    • Nike

      June 29, 2012 at 12:58 pm

      My sister, tell them ooo. They no go hear word. Which one be wife material??? Be yourself. My father always told me, that the man who would marry you, will marry you regardless of whatever!!! And its so true!

  13. Ada-igbo

    June 28, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Thank you mighty much Atoke.
    Personally, i do not think there’s a particular measurement as to ‘how many yards’ of material is required. Every relationship is peculiar. I would simply advise that we follow our heart, if you truly love, you would truly want to please, without scheming. if you are scheming and the relationship crumbles, you will feel humongously bad like losing a bet and you will be bitter, if you were true, you would simply hurt, but time always heals a hurting heart.

  14. ester

    June 28, 2012 at 4:17 pm

  15. Traditionalbay

    June 28, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    until u are a wife, you are not!

    • gurly

      June 28, 2012 at 9:41 pm

      Preach!

  16. Nonye

    June 28, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    I agree with Myne Whitman, study who you are with, thats no.1, number2: make sure you both want the same thing out of the relationship and go at the same pace…..

  17. Non professional opinion

    June 28, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Only do what feels natural and don’t compromise yourself because guys aren’t always appreciative and there are plenty of married women who would be lost behind a stove.
    On another note, I know there appears to be a man shortage that has girls running from nail studio to supermarket to sex shop in order to hook themselves bobo, but why would you want to Marry someone who is not mature enough to handle the adult responsibility of keeping his home clean and putting food in his belly. He needs a nanny not a wife.

  18. ephee

    June 28, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    remember wen i used to do the cleaning for my ex and wen i leave another babe takes over. for me i cant stand dirt or untidiness in my house talk less of my man’s house. i dont do it to please him, i do it for my own comfort. at the end of the day did he marry me? NO! i finally left him coz i couldnt stand his confused state about not knowing what he wants and since he is always flaunting the other girl around. today he is still single at 37 (still with the girl) and each time we get to talk he tells me how much he misses so many things about me especially my ‘wife material’ magic. lol
    it dosnt matter who cares and who dosnt , just be urself and whoeva is not worth the stress just move on u will find someone who will appriciate ur ‘wifely traits’

    • anonymous

      May 7, 2013 at 12:02 pm

      thank you o. some of us cant just help the wifey traits in us na, i CANT eat or stay in a messy place, the food wont just go down, if i clean or wash anything it is for my own sake and the right guy would appreciate that. i hate the tag *wife material* which people identify me with simply because i want to be comfortable wherever i am.

  19. lol

    June 28, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    washed his brother’s boxers, then he married Jenifa…lol 🙂

  20. NICKY

    June 28, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    The write up is good.A guy who donot keep his enviroment clean is a dirty guy in the first place .i donot want to believe dt i fthere is no girlfriend he will not clean his house.he was leaving there alone be4 he met u.going an xtra mile to please a guy is not correct ,girls ,lets be ourselves,and even insult them if need be for their dirty habits.it means he has poor home bringing.A guy is suppose to lure his way into a womans heart and not the contrary.so if u are into the wify stuff and he tells u one day to stop acting like his mum,then my dear quit the rlship cus it will not last.

  21. Amaka-Lois

    June 28, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    IF he is d right one den He is Please my fellow ladies don’t push it 2 hard let everything fall into place Remember “What Will Be Will Be”

  22. Abs

    June 28, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    O so bcos some men think women must not appear desperate,their girlfriends must help them create mess and appear nonchalant when they see their dirty homes? if all women decide to do this including the natural home makers how will men know the real ones frm the lazy ones? if you’re with the right person there isn’t any need for charades. When my hubby and I started courting, he knew I was the real thing from the start.

    http://www.abadawoode.blogspot.com

    http://www.abadawoode.blogspot.com

    • Ada

      June 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

      Arrrggggghhhhh! Did you really just type that? So cleaning his house after he’s messed it up makes you wife material? No, sweetie, it makes you wife cum house help cum desperado. I bet when you have your 2.5 kids now, you be the one complaining that he doesn’t help around the house. Na as you take lay your bed…

  23. NK

    June 28, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    u guys just made my day…………understanding they say is d bases of a happy relationship and marraige. understand ur type of guy and be yourself.even if u are going to push to impress him, dont push too hard.if hes worth it, he will see d sinserity in your actions and appreciate you.

  24. winnie

    June 28, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    i dnt see the guys commenting, why arent they talking?? they must be feeling too quilty to talk!

    • God dey

      July 4, 2012 at 2:07 pm

      Guys dont need to comment as we know what we want. Acting or not, each guy knows where to place each lady in his life.

    • fairweatherfriend

      July 14, 2012 at 7:57 pm

      And that’s the truth.. If it clicks between you and your guy, it won’t matter whether you are a good cleaning lady or a good cook, afterall, you can learn all those. Why bother yourself? Cleaning or taking care of his whole family will not create chemistry or the X-factor in the relationship.
      If (as a single babe then) you were waiting for me 2 clean up for you….mcheew, you were so on a long thing..

  25. x-factor

    June 28, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    hmmm….great topic

  26. dammiedee

    June 28, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    Atoke, well in my opinion, i think guys generally dont know what they want. for me, i cant stand any sort of mess especially kitchen mess. so if on my numerous visits to my dear man’s house and i find the place dirtier than a pig sty, i shall get down to business: scrubbing, mopping, the whole wrks. if he likes oh, he can tell me dat i am invading his space cos i cleaned up after his dirty self, na him know.

  27. Lucy

    June 28, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    There is no one size fits all. It depends on your personality, and your level of tolerance for dirt. If I met him with a messy house, hell no, I aint cleaning jack, and i’ll let him know right from the start that his place is a mess and I am not comfortable being there, he should either tidy it up or get a cleaning lady. On the flip side if I met him with his house tidy and regularly i can see the place clean and tidy. The day I see a mess i’ll remind him of the mess and we will clean it together. The emphasis on together. I cant date a guy that does not have basic home cleaning abilitites, it says a lot about what he’ll be expecting me to do as wife, and I aint nobody’s mama. Especially in a country where maids are not 2 for 10kobo like 9ja. Hell no, he cant clean his place himself or hire a cleaning lady, i wont go there more than 2ce, and thats it.. Thanfully my boyfriend has OCD, so no problems in that respect. lol

    • Purpleicious Babe

      June 28, 2012 at 11:18 pm

      Thank you oohh…

      My reaction is: if its a mess then no be by force nah… u dont even to have OCD just basic hygiene sef is a good start… but likes ur comment. walk away (like mj smooth walk)…winks.

      http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

  28. Peter

    June 28, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    The word ‘insecure’ has lost its meaning. What is good for the goose is not always good for the ganer. Not all women like the same thing so why should men be any different. I personally would like a woman who doesn’t wait for me to ask her to do dishes if we have dinner at my place just as I won’t wait for her to ask me to take the trash out at her place. Would I ask her to clean my toilet? No. Would I make the effort to clean the bathtub when I know she’s coming? Definitely. If she feels it’s not clean enough, then I’ll show her where the scrubbing bubbles is.

    After reading all these comments, it seems like the consensus is that all guys should act the same. If a guy makes the mistake of comparing you to someone else, no be frown una go carry for weeks?

    • Lucy

      June 28, 2012 at 6:04 pm

      Hi Pete, if I can call you Pete. Why cant you do the dishes together, especially if she cooks. Even if you cooked, it’ll still be a good idea if you both did the dishes together. All that soap, and water and talking and touching. Tres sweet. It is in the simple things, that a relationship can keep the spark, and a guy can be romantic. U dont need flowers, chocolate and all the rest grand gestures.

    • elflaco

      July 1, 2012 at 3:10 am

      U annoy me Lucy … Even if I cooked, we should do the dishes together … Pls if you don’t want to do the dishes and I wont force you too, can you kindly leave my dirty dishes and when ever we finish what ever we are doing, I would do my dishes myself ..Thank you… Which one is do the dishes together

  29. chuchusweets

    June 28, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Well Ive washed and Cleaned and didnt Marry the Guy, Then I didnt wash and I didnt clean and i dont think he liked me much (*rollingmyeyes)…so I guess it boils down to when a Man wants you( Clean or no Clean), he will want you.

  30. Lucy

    June 28, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Onto the aspect of cooking. It also depends. Me, I love cooking, i can cook for nigeria, I dont see it as anything special. i cook for strangers, so why cant i cook for someone I’m dating. Any opportunity to cook, i jump at it. As long as he’s willing to help out, with the chopping, slicing, stirring, clearing up and doing the dishes afterwards, why not. My boyfriend and I actually got closer while cooking together. We would talk and laugh about things, I showed him what to do with some ingredients, and we laughed about his lack of cooking skills (he grew up in a house of girls). It made us realise we enjoy each other’s company, we can learn new things from each other, laugh together and most of all, it made us realise we work great together as a team. On the plus side, watching a man cook is sexy as hell. (story for another day, Lol). For someone who could barely make jollof rice without either burning it, or making it as soggy as baby food when we met, he can make a mean efo riro now, you’ll be amazed. So it depends on the angle you approach the matter. If you are a slave in the kitchen while he puts his feets up and watches TV kind of gal, mehn you are done for, because even after he marries you, you will still continue that pattern.

    • Purpleicious Babe

      June 28, 2012 at 11:21 pm

      He must marry u ohhh… u too seem compatible… share similar interests..

      Oh yeah about a dude that cooks (yep can be sexy and even sexier with nice body and guns… oooooo. #renewmind#

      http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

  31. Lucy

    June 28, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    On the issue of buying him stuff for his house, or bringing your stuff in, that one i draw the line o. I’m sorry. Buy him a bath mat, if he shouldnt know that, he is risking his neck, you should start to question his intelligence. Ok, i admit, guys are useless at stuff like that, the best way in my opinion to handle such is to tell him about it. Hey, bros, u’ll need a bath mat you know, tease him about the dangers of him falling after a shower. When u r at a supermarket or pass by one, you remind him again. You dont want to drink wine from cheap plastic cups (ugh), u tell him about it, in a nice way. U tease him about being bush, and you remind him he spent so much on a bottle of wine, why would he do the wine a disservice and drink out of a plastic cup. Hey my analogy is, did he furnish your house for you, why would you furnish his?. You just drop hints, nicely drag him to the aisle where such items are sold, or point him in the direction. My bf didnt have any discernable crockery, pots, pans and co when we met (bros always eats out). I knew i’ll be cooking a lot, since i’m not a takeaway person, and I would rather not bring the items from my house, and gradually he started buying, to the point he even has a food processor at his house. Men are not that hard to relate with on issues like this. Its all strategy girls, you just have to be smart about it, and not lose your dignity and self respect.

    • MAMA PUT

      June 28, 2012 at 7:36 pm

      Wise words madam Lucy. Spot on

    • Purpleicious Babe

      June 28, 2012 at 11:23 pm

      strategy strategy is a good one oh.. Gbam u make sense.. ur mindset is certainly different.. ilike..
      http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

    • iOmogekofo

      June 29, 2012 at 5:06 am

      I just learnt sumtin…….Thankx Lucy..

    • Tiki

      June 29, 2012 at 9:09 am

      Lol, this sounds like what I did with my ex. First time I stayed over at his, I was horrified! dusty furniture, dirty clothes in a pile at a corner, falling cupboards in the kitchen etc! Immediately i was like ‘sorry, I cannot live in this mess. I’ll make a list of what needs to be done and what it’s gonna cost, and we’ll do it together.’ The poor guy was ecstatic because being a nerdy doctor, he really didnt have a clue, or much time. The best thing is he realised what I wouldnt tolerate, and from then the house was spic and span every time I came over.

  32. nwachi

    June 28, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    When a grown man cannot seperate a woman who is worm and caring from one who is desperate and ‘chasing him’…he’s simply a baby boy full of **it!
    Give him his almighty space! Seriously. Let him have enough time with ‘babes’ who leave their panties on the floor next to his boxers; shower and leave the bathroom floor a wet eye sore; heap used plates on unwashed dishes; come over and leave his house in a worse mess…
    Some people just don’t appreciate what they have until they realise the difference without it.

  33. Miz Imani

    June 28, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    I can totally relate to this. I met this guy and over a month or so we became good friends ( I friend zoned him cos he really was not my type) he was a very nice dude. We went to church one day, and dude brought out his bible….chei!! Genesis and revelation were gone, every page was dog-eared and there were funny looking spots of what looked like mud all over…..it was quite embarrassing so two weeks later, I’m buying myself and my sister new bibles and I get him the cheapest smallest one I can find just to replace that thing next thing dude starts avoiding me and tells my cousin that I’m pushing for more than friendship.

    When I heard I was like, “wth?!” I was never even interested in him in the first place. So while some girls need to calm down with the mothering and the wifing on ur first sleepover, some dudes need to chill….she doesn’t always want a ring cos she got u proper cutlery set ( after weeks of using plastic spoons).

  34. abendino

    June 28, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    Well to me it all depend on both part, remeber we re not d same even if we keep talking 4rm nw till kingdom coms some will still do worst so keep giving urself d best.

  35. Kemi

    June 28, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Desperate girls never get the man! Just be yourself, don’t buy anything for a man, he will not marry you. Just be yourself and you got the man. If you keep cleaning, doing all the things thinking he will put a ring on your finger, when he puts the ring and you stop cleaning for him, he will divorce you. My best tip is for ladies to go for a man that is their friend, you don’t have to please your friend to be friends. You just be yourself with your friends, same goes for your man. Be Yourself!

    • buchi

      June 29, 2012 at 10:19 am

      Kemi u r on the mark! being friends is the only logical n sane way a relationship can “easily” survive cos u accept n love yourselves just the way u are

  36. MAMA PUT

    June 28, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    I was with my dude for three years, once I went to stay with him and the place was terrible, I decided to clean the whole house, do the dishes etc. We’d been together for a while then and it was Vals weekend, he went as far as saying he really enjoyed me that weekend and I showed myself to be a wife, two years after that no ring in sight. I chipped in every now and then but I think he now had it in mind that i was cleaner so I had a talk with him. I mean, you’re a man, be responsible. That didn’t stop him from being me black and blue and claiming that I wasn’t doing my wifey duties. Please, don’t waste your time tryna be wife- i.e cooking, cleaning, sex etc. God designed those things for marriage and it won’t make a man want to marry you if it wasn’t his original plan. Anyone can cook, clean and have sex. So, in future I won’t be wasting anytime doing that. God bless you all. x x x

    • MAMA PUT

      June 28, 2012 at 7:34 pm

      beating me*

    • Tosin

      June 28, 2012 at 8:48 pm

      God is truly all-encompassing, designing marriage then designating where we put the clean dishes…time for a healthy dose of doubt. Sorry about the abuse. Glad it will never happen again.

    • City Chick

      July 7, 2012 at 7:53 pm

      God Forbid!! Me, wifely duties before marriage? He must be mad….

  37. emeka

    June 28, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    if u love her and have intentions of making her your wife you will appreceiate everything she does for u including cooking and cleaning but if u have no intentions of making her your wife you wouldnt want her to get cmfortable cause that might make getting rid of her difficult.

  38. Gracy

    June 28, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    I agree. Last time I went out of state to my Bf & after eating (he cooked of course), I decided to wash my plate. He was like, “no sit I’ll do everything” & I was like, “I’m washing my plate because I hate dirt, I’m not getting ready to clean ur house.” Al though I know he was being nice. No matter the love, I don’t play wife or care. Love the article, btw.

  39. Person pikin

    June 28, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    Well, different strokes for different folks! As for me, except for situations such as ill health it is a no-no, boyfriend or fiance! Why should I come to visit and meet your house in a such a mess that it needs someone else to do the cleaning anyway? I na-ayi ala?
    Just last week I visited this friend of mine that has been trying to get my attention…the house was like there was war going on there..i opened the fridge to get a drink, the sight of it quenched my thirst instantly. I had to take water from the tap! (in the UK tap water is quite safe). The entire kitchen area was in a mess! After we had lunch, i jejedly got up took MY OWN plate to the sink and washed it…after which i balanced in the sitting room to watch a movie (0f which i didnt finish cos my body just cldnt take the environment anymore) and hell nah! i aint going to visit there AGAIN!..mind you if you see this dude in public he acts like he doesnt even shyte, phonerising and always trying to impress ladies cos he is soo loaded…

    And for those babes that like to colonise with boy’s houses with pant and bra, sweet heart if a guy wants you, he wants you! no jupiter will stop him and no pant and bra will facilitate it! shikena

  40. Sheria

    June 28, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    If you aint a wife yet then don’t play wifey. Just make sure you hone ur skills in comfort of ur own home. If you’re a true woman of God then you will be a wonderful wife by His grace and your man will respect you as you are.

  41. Me2me

    June 28, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    Don’t spend your US time playing me time in the kitchen or bathroom. Its his home, let him do all the cleaning. Except and only except he is cleaning as well. Personally, i dont do jack cos the lil i do is not appreciated.

  42. cutie

    June 28, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    [email protected] wash his brother’s boxers he went and married that jennifer…olorun ma je…tufia! honestly just be YOU! people will read meaning into anything you do whether good or bad so don’t try and figure out someone else’s head and do what makes you happy!!

  43. Fola

    June 29, 2012 at 12:14 am

    I’m not in support of cleaning a man’s house or buying all sorts into the house when you are not married to him. I for one would not clean his house considering the fact that he is almost always at work and his younger brother stays mostly at home (so who am I cleaning for?). As for cooking, i don’t really see anything wrong with that it would even bring you guys closer if you do it together. Finally, i think you should let him see you as a wife material by first practicing those qualities wherever you live.

  44. AnonYMOUS..

    June 29, 2012 at 1:06 am

    Eye opening I must say! I definitely agree with the line that if he’s yours then he is yours. I’ve picked a few helpful tips from this article…Good use of my time 🙂

  45. nwando

    June 29, 2012 at 8:19 am

    My pple, lets look at this issue this way. in the days of our fathers and grandfathers it is assumed that a woman’s place is in the house doing all chores, cooking and taking care of the man.The man happens to take care of his woman and is the bread winner. But in recent times what do we have , women are bread winners and still add house chores to it. For me cleaning and keeping the house in order is not a true judge of character some pple can be very sweet but can’t keep their enviroment clean and some can be very clean and so wicked. In any relationship do what you feel is right not because you want to please anyone don’t pretend to be who you are not. Any realtionship that will end up in marriage will definitly get there. But it is good to be clean be it courtship or marriage.

  46. amy

    June 29, 2012 at 8:22 am

    I have laffed out loud … I have read so many updates…. and yes i have learnt so much… in essence, TO THYSELF BE TRUE…. if you are loving and caring….stay TRUE …. if you are not, STILL STAY TRUE…. if a man wants you, he wants you..if not…all sorts of excuses will definately come up….All the best babes

  47. opeyemi

    June 29, 2012 at 9:06 am

    The truth of the matter is that once u meet the right person u will jst know, it sounds like a cliche but its the fact. once u r with the right person everytin jst falls into place. Cleaning his mess, sacrificing for him, n all there is to it wont b a serious issue. I believe it is only unserious pple dat read unnecessary meanings into a simple act of love.

  48. Caliente

    June 29, 2012 at 9:30 am

    i was engaged to this guy for 3 years, cooked, cleaned, stocked the refridgerator with food stuffs, cooked for his mum,siblings and friends and we even wore ‘and co” to every family function they had. he got married two months ago to a girl he met in December. Funny thing is that my present bf loves me to pieces and he has never tasted ordinary oatmeal by me. i’m soooo done doing all that paparazzi unitil i’m a proper Mrs…… shikena!

  49. Asakeismyname

    June 29, 2012 at 9:38 am

    I’m not one to play wifey before commitment abeg…I remember forgetting my sponge at some guy’s house (we were dating at this point)… It was a honest mistake on my part not strategy or anything like that… to my amazement, I went to his house a month later and realised he had got rid of my sponge.. I was so mad and his stupid excuse was that i never asked for it so he didn’t think I needed it.. I’m glad he did that cos that made me wake up and smell the coffee… Dude was obviously playing me.

  50. yemyem

    June 29, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Nice article and very factual.I like the way you coined the topic “yards of wife material”
    My friend (male) left his girlfriend because she doesnt possess these attributes and went for a mother of three who he says is ‘sentitive to his needs’ i.e wash bedsheet, clean house etc. though he’s done with her now after our shoutings.
    The truth is, ladies be urself. If you think you are comfortable with it without any future regrets, pls enjoy it while it lasts.
    BN post my comment.

  51. Seun

    June 29, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Well, different strokes for diffrent folks.
    As for me, my fiance put a ring on it BEFORE i even thought of cooking for him. i love cooking and sometimes when i go to see him, i prefer to cook oha soup than for us to spend so much eating the same in a restaurant (of which i still wont really like the taste). i do this unsolicited but am grateful to God that he ALWAYS appreciates it, refunds the money I spend and he ALWAYS joins me in the cooking. in fact i keep chasing him out of the kitchen but he would rather hang out with me in his kitchen than hangout lazily in front of the tv while i sweat it out in the kitchen.

    HE SEES ME AS HIS COMPANION NOT HIS SLAVE.
    HE SEES ME AS HIS HELP-MEET NOT A DESPERADO.

    Yes I have actually bought him a bath mat and thats because he was so clueless. it actually didnt occur to him that he needed one (duh!). I am a virtuous woman in the making, i’ve bought nearly all my household stuff and if therz any that he really needs but doesnt realise he needs (yes its possible), i take it to his house and he is full of thanks. when he moved into his apartment newly, i got him all the basics – pots, cutlery, frigde, microwave, mattress etc and that was because things were really busy at his office and i was on annual leave. he dint dis me for that, instead he told me his budget and i sorted everything out. thats why am a woman, that why am his babe for life. i am meant to compliment his weaknesses. when he is clueless, i know exactly what to and vice-versa.

    i do NOT wash his clothes or clean coz he does an excellent job himself. however, when i meet him mopping for example, i join him and it makes for good US-TIME. we talk, play, laugh & tease each other. that is the way it should be. he has never asked me to cook or clean for him. rather he does those things. most times he would have even cooked for me before i get to his house. he serves me and doesnt even let me do the dishes. Then i insist on joining him and we do the dishes together. and mind you, ours is NOT A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP. just two people who love each other and are spending their coutship period as a foundation-laying period for a strong marriage. I am not rich, my parents are not rich, i am not drop dead goergoeus, am just a regular dark skinned sixe 16 babe but i’ve been blessed with a man who absolutely adore me and showers me with love. true love. the feeling is entirely mutual.

    Bottom line, no woman is a slave and in a relationship where therez mutual love & respect, u wont seek to kill d oda person with stress.

    Any man who insists on making you a domestic slave is not woth spending your future with. pls show him the door or you use the door yourself. any realionship whre you cant BE YOURSELF and still get love and acceptance from your partner is not meant to be. DONT FORCE IT.

    So to answer Atoke’s question – How many yards of wife material do you need? if you are dating and asshole – well you know how much (absract, variable, ever changing). If you are dating a real man – Just enough to compliment him, just enough to cover his weaknesses, just enough to help him be the best that he can be and become a man of influence

    • buchi

      June 29, 2012 at 10:34 am

      Seun i cld kiss u right now!! LOL…
      This is ALL( n i mean AALLLLLL) a woman has to do for a man- “Just enough to compliment him, just enough to cover his weaknesses”.
      Ur rship must be delicious, i shld know, got me the perfect man too! *wink*

    • Undomesticated Girl

      July 2, 2012 at 4:35 pm

      There are guys who are willing and actually do the same for the ladies. I’ve met guys who have cooked for me, I’ve met guys who have done my laundry. These were not one-off events. And no, I wasn’t sick.

      I am one of those people who do not subscribe to cooking, cleaning and doing all the wifey things. But if I’m dating a guy who cooks for me and who does my laundry for me (unsolicited), who am I not to return the “favour” every now and then? It doesn’t make me cheap nor desperate; it only makes me human.

      It’s the same thing I would do for a female friend so why can’t I extend that same measure of warmth to someone I’m dating who does those things for me and more?

      I think the basic thing here is friendship. If you’re friends with your man, the issue of being cheap or being a desperado hardly arises. Friends help each other.

      Where I raise an eyebrow is when a man EXPECTS and sometimes DEMANDS that you take on the cooking and cleaning roles. But if he’s nice to you and you think he deserves it, there’s NOTHING wrong with doing it once in a while.

      In my lifetime, I’ve been blessed to know some of the sweetest men ever (the ones who will COOK and bring me lunch at work in a food flask). However, these same men have been with other women in the past (or even future) who did not enjoy the luxuries that I did. Sometimes ladies, you have to trigger these things. It’s all in your hands.

      The Key = Be yourself. Be confident. Have self-respect. Know your value and make sure they know it too. Let them run after you. Let them woo you. You are the Prize. They should work hard and fall over themselves to keep you happy and have you.

  52. Seun

    June 29, 2012 at 9:46 am

    oh by the way, we’ve been friends for 9 years and have been dating for almost 2 years now.
    BN biko post my comment o. lol

  53. toyin

    June 29, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Hilarious comments and lovely topical posts!
    my 2 cents. I didn’t and wouldn’t have washed or cleaned for any man before I became a wife. I think its demeaning.
    Men are all grown up and have a particular mind-set so no amount of cleaning/washing or co-cleaning or co-cooking can change who they are. If they’ve grown up in a dirty home or didn’t lift a finger at home, they’ll be pigs. if they never saw their dads shadow cross the kitchen door, they’ll cross leg and watch TV. If….several conditions make them who they are…the most important thing is to trust God for the best man he has for you to come your way. No throwing yourself at him cos once he’s bagged the prize, that’s it! (Unless he’s been taught otherwise…)

  54. GleamandGlisten

    June 29, 2012 at 10:06 am

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    • Sansarai

      June 29, 2012 at 10:20 am

      Shooo! People can hustle o. See as you just jejely worked your product promo into your comment. Hian! No be only gleam and glisten…

    • Purpleicious Babe

      June 30, 2012 at 7:14 pm

      i know..loool… BN is a great platform.. ahahahaha..

      http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

  55. Tavia baby

    June 29, 2012 at 10:10 am

    U people wont kill me ohh, Lucy hit the nail on the head. AS for seun, ur very lucky then
    My 2 cents is, why should i pay for the cow when i can get the milk nfor free. These things are priviledges to be enjoyed by married folks, this is what the married men should enjoy.
    There is a clearcut difference between a married man and a single guy ohh. Babes all this our over sabi no dey work. Nobody send us message abeg.

  56. Abi

    June 29, 2012 at 10:11 am

    So wife equates nanny, cook , whore and laundry girl ko? Wake up and smell the coffee! If you marry a baby who would not take care of his own home. Be sure you will be all of the above for him once you are married for the rest of his life – plus pay half the rent, incubate, bear, and raise the babies; and bear his tantrums about you devoting all your attention on the kids, while he sits farting and watching Laliga on DSTV. Wise up.

  57. xter

    June 29, 2012 at 10:25 am

    if we do our research well, we will find out that, Most men we do cleaning for end up with another woman. so feel free, do the little u can and leave the rest to him, after your wedding all house chocks are solely ur responsibility

  58. Sandra

    June 29, 2012 at 10:41 am

    wow. these comments have really cracked me up. Abeg me I no be glorified housemaid o. this extract from Seun summed it all up for me:
    “Any man who insists on making you a domestic slave is not woth spending your future with. pls show him the door or you use the door yourself. any realionship whre you cant BE YOURSELF and still get love and acceptance from your partner is not meant to be. DONT FORCE IT”
    Shikeina!!!

  59. annie

    June 29, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Re the following – “The first thing that hit me when I stepped into the flat was the mess. There were clothes strewn everywhere, empty soda cans in the hallway and the plates in the sink were so dirty, the food remnants had caked. While I tried really hard not to judge him for being a little pig, my cousin who had the self-control of a four year old burst out on our way home; “Ahn ahn! But Ekene has a girlfriend na! Why was that place so dirty like that. Doesn’t she go there every time?” – I have just one question, Why can’t Ekene clean up HIS OWN apartment?!!

  60. Tonia

    June 29, 2012 at 10:46 am

    heeehhheeee.
    who be Seun abeg, pls come & lay hands on me o, lemme receive my own true love.
    i don cook,clean,mingle wit his family,screw him over & over,abort his babies,give him money “wwhen hes broke”,yet hez not thinking about marriage. i think its time for a paradigm shift.
    thanks for all ur comments & great article btw. i’ve learnt so much

  61. bella

    June 29, 2012 at 10:55 am

    I LOVE this topic.You cant please anyone just be yourself my first bobo didnt care whether i cleaned his house or not he just asked me to do what made me comfortable. The next said i was so lazy and not domestic. Then i tried to be domestic he still dumped my ass. Now my fiancee feels am still lazy after i clean the kitchen, his bedroom, sitting room almost everyday(plus his really dirty i have never seen anyhting like it). And then the one that shocked me was how he used to leave the toilet for me to flush for a week after he used it. He actually reminds me to do the house work like its my duty as his babe. I also found out thats how he orders his mum around. Now isnt that interesting???When i discussed this with friends and family they asked me to manage because he has other good qualities. Hmmmmm to me he is laying foundation for abuse o.

    • Lucy

      June 29, 2012 at 11:12 am

      Wait, there are still women like you in the world. Chai. I have no comment. You called him your fiancé, you see how he treats his mum, and so you can be Mrs, you go carry your head enter into a marriage with this neanderthal. No offence, but thats what he is, and you allow it. SO what happens after he marries you and he starts physically abusing you, cos he has already started emotionally and mentally abusing you, and you still haven’t realised it. No one can tell you what to do, but I think you already know. Good qualities my foot. It isn’t the good qualities of a person that breaks up the relationship. it is the bad qualities. U she have never heard someone say, i divorced my husband because I love him, and because he is loving and caring and sweet. Shior, your life is in your hands. End of………..

    • Cee

      July 18, 2012 at 4:09 pm

      Seriously? Are you really desperate? I guess you have not heard or read the stories of sisters that have died because of domestic violence or those stories do not mean anything to you. You are voluntarily signing your death warrant and I wish I do know you …. Please do not tell us this abuse-tendency filled story again. As for those encouraging you, they will tell the story of how you knew of his abusive tendencies, meaning, whatever happens to you as you go on with “”, is your fault. Bluntly, walk away now before you become another story. Salut’

  62. Lady D

    June 29, 2012 at 11:32 am

    hehehehe, me likey the topic–how many yards of wife material. I think that is y friendship is very important before dating. i personally dnt thnk dr is a hard and fast rule cos ppl think differently. I thnk once u’r being urself and being real, den who cares wt d guy thinks? if he feels u’r being too wifey…his loss! next guy pls…lol…
    http://thoughts2wordsblog.wordpress.com/

  63. bonita

    June 29, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Lovely topic with witty comments yet entertaining and educative. As for me, doing all those chores for one’s boyfriend when he doesn’t appreciate is totally not worth it.

  64. bella

    June 29, 2012 at 11:34 am

    My dear dont tell me there are still peepo like me cos u do not know my plans o.Gbam. You do not see this things until a while later(he was what some people will call husband material,because he doesnt drink, smoke,his a bank manager his focused,quiet etc) And your friends and family ll be so decieved by his niceness they think your just being silly for tryna leave. I told my mum tis my life and I plan to leave for school and from there arrange my exit and tell everyone sorry i cannot marry ur Mr perfect.

    • Lucy

      June 29, 2012 at 12:05 pm

      My dear, that doesn’t count. When you start making excuses for a man, you have started digging your own grave. Why do you think you deserve to be treated like this. Why na. I’m a fellow woman, and this is sad to read. Even if he is Prince William, no man should treat you like his maid. Tell yourself you are an awesome woman, a princess of inestimable value. He should cherish you, and love you and protect you. That man, sounds like a monster, i’m sorry. Devil in sheep’s skin. The all wonderful man to the outside world, meanwhile at home he’s a tyrant. You should run from such a man, and I’m glad you are going to run. What is your definition of husband material, please tell me. Bcos somewhere in your psyche, because of his good qualities you have forgotten yourself. I typed this to respond, so that hopefully you can look within yourself and find yourself and what you deserve, so that next time you don’t pick a man like this. We women have a habit for falling for the same guy over and over again, and until you do a deep internal cleanse and rid yourself of that which is making you attract such men, your life will be a downward spiral. You don’t need to take the easy way out, be bold girl, and dump his ass. That his carefully constructed ego, shake it a bit. To hell with what people say. Why be miserable for an extra second. Its not worth it. Be courageous, use him as target practice to develop fearlessness, so that the next man who thinks he can try rubbish with you will think twice. The one of scampering away and breaking up with him, won’t teach him anything.

  65. ugo babe

    June 29, 2012 at 11:36 am

    @Bella and he’s still your fiancee?

  66. Lucy

    June 29, 2012 at 11:47 am

    One thing I’ve come to realise on this thread and with discussing with other females, and it build down on one issue. Self Esteem. Sadly it is very common amongst a lot of women, and African women especially. Yes, some people will crucify for me for this, but its a crucial component that is missing in the upbringing of girls in our environment, when you compare it to our European counterparts. Their society also encourages women to be bold, courageous, independent, will not take shit from a man and society backs them up if the man misbehaves. Not so with our culture, the man is allowed to do as he likes, to crown it all, he gets away with it. Our daughters are usually brought up to serve the man, as a child, you are told, you have to do this and that to please a man o, if you don’t learn how to do this and that, no man will marry you o. You bring the girl up as if her sole purpose in life is to please a man. Even black american women think and act like us, i don’t get it sometimes. Baby mamas, the guy has no job, nothing, yet you feed him, clothe him, give him money, take care of his kids, pays your bills. He’ll cheat, you’ll take him back, he has many baby mamas, and they’ll be competing for who he’ll be with, like he is some prize. Totally shameful.

  67. moj

    June 29, 2012 at 11:51 am

    @bella is dis a joke “And then the one that shocked me was how he used to leave the toilet for me to flush for a week after he used it.” u apparently aint happy naa cant u see nd hear ursef wld u wish ur situation for any of ur friends that is advising u to continue in this torture. babe its ur life u knw u already fear d future trust me if u really love him go watch the movie “think like a man” i fink ur case is u shld change d game u dont hav to try to change d man. all u r doing is tryin to find equality, satisfaction nd love. if he wouldnt change pls run dont marry biko! if he loves u, ur new game which im sure wld be bore outta love shld change him on another hand expect to see a dare-devil who cannot change for u or struggle to satisfy u. den u wld know wat u r abt to get into.
    I love this article nd generally personally i wouldnt do any “outta ma way” housekeeping for any man. My first bf adored me tho i didnt clean, my 2nd was practically wicked even tho i cleaned. ryt now im hopin for MY OWN. I knw he wld find me. Im so not in a hurry. smiles*

  68. Lucy

    June 29, 2012 at 11:52 am

    That kind of mentality breeds a girl child that will cook, clean, sleep with him, mend his clothes for a boyfriend, buy stuff for his house and continue times 100 as a wife. My earlier question, did he furnish your own for you, or if you live in your fathers house, did he furnish it, so why would you be buying things he should buy. After all, if he breaks up with you is he going to return those items. Or you’ll take back all the sex, the cooking, the cleaning, washing clothes, dusting. Abegi. Spend your time and efforts, developing yourself. A correct guy will notice that and appreciate it. Leave the neanderthals with their dim witted, zero self esteem women. They deserve each other. Yes a woman’s efforts should be noticed in the home, but the man nko, what is his responsibility. Especially in this system where the both of you work. A friend of mine, commutes 2hours to and fro, everyday, and when she gets back, her husband that drives just 2o minutes to work (he leaves home after her and gets home before her) expects her to make his dinner of amala and ogbono, sometimes yam porridge or ego rico from scratch. She does that everyday. Now she is looking much older than the man, all that stress. On weekends he puts his feet up and watches TV, she is busy doing house chores and taking care of the children. I have stopped going to see them, because I can’t stand the dynamics in that house, and I don’t want to be pushed to say something. it is her marriage. Women, those who are mothers to young girls now, and future mothers, in fact I am talking to fathers too. Please teach your daughters self esteem, raise them first as individuals not as future wives to be. I’m grateful for the exposure my parents had and it shaped my upbringing. Thankfully I have a guy who thinks a smart, independent woman who will not be his footstool is sexy as hell, and he really can’t stand the simpering, bend over backwards to please a man types. His ideology is, is the guy bending over backwards to please you, so what the hell. If it isn’t reciprocated, then you are the loser. You can only give so much until you are empty have nothing else to give. His mama did a fantastic job with him, and if I’m half the mother she is my job is done. Also raise your sons not to think they are the be all and end all, and a woman is there to meet your needs. In my house there was no girl job and boy jobs, my brother can wash a toilet so well, he can get an award for it. He also cooks, Jamie Oliver has nothing on him. He was never raised to think a woman is his slave, and he actually broke up with a few girls who went down the domestic route. He couldn’t get why she would come to his place and be cleaning and cooking, rather than them spending time together. Please forget that story of no man will want you unless u go all domesticated. A man who was raised the way you were raised, will value you and understand that you are a partner of equal worth, and not his slave.

  69. pynk

    June 29, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    all this long story because of men. Women need to really stop trying to understand men, we probably never will. Just do you are set ur own goals, find your direction in life and strive towards that. The right man will come along in the middle of it somewhere. If you ever feel like you have to hold an audition for a man to want u, then he isnt for u.

  70. Deep

    June 29, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Lucy chop knuckle joor

  71. Deep

    June 29, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Btw lucy abeg is your brother single hehehe

    • david

      July 9, 2012 at 8:05 pm

      Am single and maybe we can work things out add me on [email protected]

  72. Nok10

    June 29, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    My cousin did the same thing – cleaning, cooking, even going to her boyfriend’s mum’s house to hang out and cook when they had parties. All this in an effort to show she was wife material, the guy married her. After they married, the dynamics continued the way it was when they were dating – her doing housechores and running the home. She aged faster than the guy with all the stress. You should see next to the guy, looking like his older sister. Eventually all the stress caused a lot of tension and now they are separated. This just shows how you set the tone for your relationship whilst dating. Be yourself and act wisely, there is a time to be a girlfrind and a time to be a wife.

  73. feelitx

    June 29, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    Hmmmm. I keep wondering the men most women meet. As much as I love my home to be sparkling clean, I have never wanted any woman to help me clean talkless of letting them into my kitchen. We saw a lot of strange things happen to men in Eket back then. Have you heard of the words Kopnomi? Those words are real. I have always had a cook, a gardener and a cleaner. I do not feel that having a woman come clean up and cook for you is ideal. We can still certainly identify the women who genuinely care for us without all that clean-up/cooking drama. I wish some of you will stop generalizing.

    • sandy

      September 22, 2012 at 4:28 am

      hope ur single…..if yes marry me….

  74. Joygal

    June 29, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Nice post!! My simple and candid advice I always give myself and friends is ” Don’t ever start what you can not finish” …So it’s a no-no thing for me, no cooking, no washing ,no spring cleaning except he has put a ring on it..**wink**

  75. TruthTeller

    June 29, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    EXERPTS FROM GREAT COMMENTS (I won’t be able to write all)
    “Please teach your daughters self esteem, raise them first as individuals not as future wives to be”
    “You bring the girl up as if her sole purpose in life is to please a man. “,
    ““Ahn ahn! But Ekene has a girlfriend na! Why was that place so dirty like that. Doesn’t she go there every time?” – I have just one question, Why can’t Ekene clean up HIS OWN apartment?!!”,
    “So wife equates nanny, cook , whore and laundry girl ko? Wake up and smell the coffee! If you marry a baby who would not take care of his own home. Be sure you will be all of the above for him once you are married for the rest of his life – plus pay half the rent, incubate, bear, and raise the babies; and bear his tantrums about you devoting all your attention on the kids, while he sits farting and watching Laliga on DSTV. Wise up.”,( :)) )
    ” I didn’t and wouldn’t have washed or cleaned for any man before I became a wife. I think its demeaning.”,
    (thumbs up here)- “in fact i keep chasing him out of the kitchen but he would rather hang out with me in his kitchen than hangout lazily in front of the tv while i sweat it out in the kitchen.

    HE SEES ME AS HIS COMPANION NOT HIS SLAVE.
    HE SEES ME AS HIS HELP-MEET NOT A DESPERADO.”, Bottom line, no woman is a slave and in a relationship where therez mutual love & respect, u wont seek to kill d oda person with stress.

    Any man who insists on making you a domestic slave is not woth spending your future with. pls show him the door or you use the door yourself. any realionship whre you cant BE YOURSELF and still get love and acceptance from your partner is not meant to be. DONT FORCE IT.,
    “he has never asked me to cook or clean for him. rather he does those things. most times he would have even cooked for me before i get to his house. he serves me and doesnt even let me do the dishes. Then i insist on joining him and we do the dishes together. “,(I love the word TOGETHER)
    “I’m not in support of cleaning a man’s house or buying all sorts into the house when you are not married to him”,
    “As for me, except for situations such as ill health it is a no-no, boyfriend or fiance! Why should I come to visit and meet your house in a such a mess that it needs someone else to do the cleaning anyway?”,
    ” PERFECTLY WRITTEN- “Onto the aspect of cooking. It also depends. Me, I love cooking, i can cook for nigeria, I dont see it as anything special. i cook for strangers, so why cant i cook for someone I’m dating. Any opportunity to cook, i jump at it. As long as he’s willing to help out, with the chopping, slicing, stirring, clearing up and doing the dishes afterwards, why not. My boyfriend and I actually got closer while cooking together.,If you are a slave in the kitchen while he puts his feets up and watches TV kind of gal, mehn you are done for, because even after he marries you, you will still continue that pattern.”,
    “Hi Pete, if I can call you Pete. Why cant you do the dishes together, especially if she cooks. Even if you cooked, it’ll still be a good idea if you both did the dishes together. All that soap, and water and talking and touching. Tres sweet. It is in the simple things, that a relationship can keep the spark, and a guy can be romantic. U dont need flowers, chocolate and all the rest grand gestures.”,
    “The day I see a mess i’ll remind him of the mess and we will clean it together (I simply love the word TOGETHER). The emphasis on together. I cant date a guy that does not have basic home cleaning abilitites, it says a lot about what he’ll be expecting me to do as wife, and I aint nobody’s mama. “,
    “A guy who donot keep his enviroment clean is a dirty guy in the first place .i donot want to believe dt i fthere is no girlfriend he will not clean his house.he was leaving there alone be4 he met u.going an xtra mile to please a guy is not correct ,girls ,lets be ourselves,and even insult them if need be for their dirty habits.it means he has poor home bringing.”,
    “I remember my mum used 2 always tell me when i ws younger dat she didnt wash any man’s clothes, cook or clean in any man’s house b4 she got married… The whole trick to finding a good man is to be YOURSELF!!”,
    “If ur house is untidy guys, clean d mess up…a lady shld only clean it up if she is d one who messed the place up…u start cleaning up for a guy and suddenly, he believes its ur duty. A man that would get married to u will do dat whether u clean up or not so my gurls dont go been the househelp/housemaid to any guy “.
    Very nicely written….i’ve learnt a great number of things from this article and the comments. Thanks!

  76. TruthTeller

    June 29, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    @Feelitx, you have a point that we should stop generalizing because there are indeed good men out there. It’s rather difficult however to see men of african heritage (especially Nigerians) that’ll agree to do what you’re doing. When it comes to doing chores and being domesticated, most men remember their (in some cases non-existent culture .smh!

  77. Naveah

    June 29, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    Emeka tok true! It all depends on the type of man a girl has and their relationship. If you are dating a jerk, I don’t care if you build him a house brick by brick, educate all his family members, build a house for every person in his village, he will NOT care! If you have a good man who recognizes the spirit of God and giving in you then the story will be different. Women need to shine their eyes, don’t go throwing away your generosity at a man who you can obviously see doesn’t care, you continue to do more and more in the hope that he will see you are a good woman…lai lai! I have done it before, didn’t work! I didn’t change who I was, I remained myself and I acknowledged that I had been waiting my generous nature on idiots. My husband recognized that he had a gem and put a ring on it!;)

  78. Big John

    June 29, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    It has been quite interesting reading all these comments from the ladies. I observed something – I sense so much INSECURITY, I just had 2 flip that on d ladies (straight up); u r all so concerned about what d guy/people will think that I have a feeling many ladies r making lots of mistakes. Sure, it’ll be good 4 d guy to marry u but u shouldn’t manipulate him into that, guys WILL sense that. Pretending 2 be too good to do a few chores at his place so he can see u as ‘not cheap’ is a bad attempt at manipulation…and by d way, the ‘doing some chores at his place’ is just a little part of d consideration for life partnership for him. It is a whole long list; he didn’t dump u 4 jenifa becos u r too domesticated, come on! Its d package

    Its fair 2 come into a relationship expecting something but I feel its also ur responsibility 2 aim @ making ur man a better person (e.g. Helping him 2 become a neater person) without letting ur insecurities come in d way. This is a good approach but is it the magic answer? absolutely not, there is none; u can’t be too scared 2 make d journey bcos u think u’ll fear an accident will happen, just do your best and leave d rest ladies.

    • Sade

      June 29, 2012 at 10:37 pm

      Spoken like a guy. Insecurity my foot. It is when a man wants to prove his point against women, he’ll have choice terminology to use. Insecurity, manipulation. Hiahn. Quick question, does he come to your house and do chores for you? Abi, who died and made him king, that you should be the one to do chores for him, when you are not married. Shouldn’t he do chores in your own place too as a wetin you talk am. Ehn hen, as a consideration for life partnership for you. Grammar too plenty, my tongue is twisting. A grown man doesn’t know that he should keep his environment clean (whether he does it himself or hires sm1 like Lucy said), who are we going to blame, his mama or him. Classic man, everything is one sided. We all know men take advantage, thats like saying the sky is blue. Give him an inch he’ll ask for a mile. If doing chore

    • Purpleicious Babe

      June 30, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    • lala

      July 3, 2012 at 2:08 pm

      shut the up, wtf do you mean by doing few chores is expected. cant you do it yourself, my friend go and seat down somewhere. i didn’t see you list one thing that you’ll do for your lady oh.

  79. Naveah

    June 29, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    *wasting*

  80. ritzmisan

    June 29, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    I wish my elder sister would be reading this now, cos she is trying to change her son’s wife. she calls the poor lady lazy and undomesticated! this was the same girl she was happy to have marry her son. my nephew loves to clean up his house while his wife just keeps him company which he enjoys immensely( cos i have seen them together) chatting away. because my sis, couldn’t figure it she panics that her son would leave her one which i think its silly cos she has always been “lazy” i quote my sis till they got married. I love this article. again i wish my sis would read this!

  81. MAMA PUT

    June 30, 2012 at 8:58 pm

    Wonderful topic, read every comment and can say that I was blessed!! My prayer for every single person on this page, writer, commenters and readers is that God Almighty is His infinite wisdom will teach us the right way to act, to be virtuous women, and stewards of God, alike. To treat our partners with love, respect and diligence. To be conscious of their weaknesses, insecurities and pain and help them and to encourage and build on their strengths. I pray that God shall gives us that uncommon wisdom needed to treat our respective individual partners with the reverence and care that they would love and appreciate and even when we don’t agree on certain issues, the spirit of unity will enable us to reconcile. God bless you all.

  82. Bad guy

    July 2, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    ..Any guy expecting a woman who is not married to him to clean, sweep, wash dishes etc is a thief..he wants to steal from the woman..those are privileges of being married..if he sees all while not married, there is no need for him 2 marry..Ladies..a man needs a wife, not a maid..if he wants to see if you are “wife material”, he should see what you and your house looks like..this scenario is analogous to a guy wanting to see if you are fertile by getting you pregnant bf he decides to marry you..after he has tasted the “goods”, he can say he doesn’t want again..that is not life..ladies pls be warned!

  83. tipsy

    July 3, 2012 at 8:03 am

    lol interesting coments… as for me i honestly cant stand no mess….i can walk into my friends house be it male or female and if i see its messy i start cleaning up….seems weird at times but dats just me lol….. but when it comes to guys its different.. if his house is messy, and its killing me inside of course wat i do so i dont look like im trying to wife him is i involve him in the cleaning… that works for me! and if its the type that done want to clean up with me, dats fine! i just carry my purse and leave lol(dats if its too messy for me to handle)… no tym to waste tym on one dirty pig mbok lol

  84. Kenechukwu

    July 3, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Hmm, you wont believe it but my boyfriend actually cooks for me oh. He packs soup & stew in a bowl every other weekend and gives me to take home.
    He has asked severally to do my laudry but i just cant get myself to pack my dirty clothes to his house for him to wash & iron for me.
    He is simply amazing so i dont mind cooking for him once in a while o, i no go lie. He takes such great care of me and he does all those things UNSOLICITED. I dont clean his house bcos therz nothing to clean – he’s VERY neat!!!

    My advice, pls be yourself ooooo ladies. and stop deceiving urself if u r in a crappy relationship. the signs are always ther. just read the handwriting on the wall and dont let any guy make you his glorified housemaid.

  85. Ego

    July 3, 2012 at 11:07 am

    a useless man is a prduct of a useless, gender-biased woman. we women (mothers) are the ones causing trouble for our fellow women (wives).
    Since we the wives-to-be know better, let us endeavour to raise strong men who are independent, hardworking and are able to cook, clean & look after themselves. that way, they wont seek to kill their future wives with stress and make unfair/unrealistic demands of them.

    @ the lady called Bella – u r obviously very stupid if u remain in dat relationship ot to talk of marrying d lazy beast that leaves toilet for u to come and flush. nonsense!!! when will women learn? DUMB HIS LAZY ASS FAST YOU INSECURE BABE AND WORK ON URSELF JUR (yes am shouting!!! u have really pissed me off). I’ve been married for 16years and girls like u make me so upset.

    @ Lucy – well done jare. true talk

    @ Seun – God bless you my dear. Hold dat man tight o, hez one of the very best

  86. Ego

    July 3, 2012 at 11:15 am

    a useless man is a prduct of a useless, gender-biased woman. we women (mothers) are the ones causing trouble for our fellow women (wives).
    Since the “wives-to-be” now know better, let us endeavour to raise strong men who are independent, hardworking and are able to cook, clean & look after themselves. that way, they wont seek to kill their future wives with stress and make unfair/unrealistic demands of them. no son of mine will expect his woman to be a glorified housemaid. you marry for companionship and not for slavery. my husband of 16yrs still helps me in the kictchen, we do the dishes togther on weekends and even make out in the kitchen (yes, its true. she caresses my backside as i pound yam on weekends and i kiss & smooch him as we all do the general hosuecleaning on environmental sanitation days. we are setting a gud example for our children that way. my mother-in-law had 7sons & 1 daughter. all her boys are srong, independent and can cook very well too. she gave them d same training she gave her daughter so they are not lazy at all. all their wives love her to pieces bcos she is the reason why their husbands are loving them so well and taking away so much stress from their lives. even me, i dont joke with her at all o.

    @ the lady called Bella – u r obviously very stupid if u remain in dat relationship not to talk of marrying d lazy beast that leaves toilet for u to come and flush. nonsense!!! when will women learn? DUMPP HIS LAZY ASSS FASTTT YOU INSECURE BABE AND WORK ON URSELF JUR (yes am shouting!!! u have really pissed me off). I’ve been married for 16years and girls like u make me so upset.
    @ Lucy – well done jare. true talk
    @ Seun – God bless you my dear. Hold dat man tight o, hez one of the very best. HML in advance

    BN pls post this

  87. florence

    July 4, 2012 at 9:44 am

    waoh, this is really an eye opener. thanks.

  88. sunshine

    July 5, 2012 at 11:04 am

    I really enjoyed the comments. What an expose!

  89. FAMOUS

    July 8, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Beautiful article! i rili enjoyed the comments please dont start what u cannnot finish.some gurls truly do not know their worth.GBAM

  90. david

    July 9, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    @Deep, am single and maybe we can work things out add me on davidola709 at yahoo dot com

  91. dee one

    July 10, 2012 at 1:01 am

    i loveee dis post….cant believe i read all 127 comments at once, i shall be referrin a lot of girls to read this.
    my summary…you lay the foundation of ur marriage when u start dating, if you wanna be treated as a slave go ahead and do all the cooking and cleaning stuff and believe me it will only get worse with marriage, but den if wanna be treated wit respect and be seen as a partner and not a slave den start demandin for that at the start of the relationship. Dont eva marry a guy wit d intention of changing him after marriage cos it neve works.

  92. lovely

    July 12, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    This write up reminds me of my nightmare . i do the cleaning and the cooking and leave for my house and he comes in with another lady to enjoymy food. huh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Men!!!

  93. ruzy

    July 12, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    ladies needs to be their self in every relationship, as much as u need to be a wife, and as much as u want to marry that well groomed man, u need to be relax, the table have turn all the way now, men need ladies who are bold enough to get want they want, if u keep on doing all the chores in his house and little time to gist, i think he(new generation guys) will look for a lady they can chat with.

  94. Emmanuel

    July 24, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Ladies can be quite funny beings. I have been reading how most ladies come on here to say they won’t do those wifely duties. Why? Because it is meant for the confines of Marrital Life. Kudos to you people. But, most of you will turn around and call a guy STINGY if he refuses to play the role of a father or Hubby, when you guys are just dating. some mean ladies will even call him a broke azz if he does not meet your epectations financially.
    Agreed, cleaning up or taking care of a guys home does will not make him to marry you, but why will I purposely entangle myself with a Lady who cannot lift a finger in my house, all because she is not my wife yet.

    • Seun

      July 25, 2012 at 8:10 pm

      Sorry o, bros. I pay my way in life, I don’t expect any boyfriend to be paying my bills for me, when he isn’t my father or husband. In the same vein, he shouldn’t be expecting wifely duties from me, because I am not yet his wife. Uncle, there are loads of women who don’t depend on their boyfriends to pay their bills, which circles have you been moving in.

  95. Amma

    July 25, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    Be like God who said i will remain faithful even if they are not faithful, because i cannot deny myself. i cannot stand a mess so i will clean. if you cant stand it, i will leave period.

  96. libby

    July 27, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Act like a lady…… think like a man. i don’t believe you should clean a guys house just to impress him, if its from your heart, then coolies. A man that would marry you will marry you whether you are mother theresa or not. The most important thing is being yourself, the right man would love you for yourself.

  97. Kike

    August 3, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Different strokes for different folks. I have dated a guy whoms much adore mi and pet mi, bt at the end it didnt wrk out. i have bin in other relationships after dt, bt last yr i met a giy who claims he wnt to settle down, it was match makin, wch i rily dnt lik. to cut a long story short, if i visit him i dnt bother to cook cos he doesnt av foodstuff in the house and amt nt bothered cos i read d signs dt all he wnt is sumone to flirt wt and not a wife. Uptil now i see talk to him bt i neva had sex wt him. and he nevatalked abt his family or bakground and am nt even bothered again. If a man truly wnt to settled down wt a woman, u will surely get the sign.

  98. mama

    August 6, 2012 at 11:39 am

    Wo! Some comments are really good, others shitty e.g “my fiancee leaves the toilet for me to flush” ewwwwww! Disgusting. He obviously sees you as a rag! Phew! In answer to all this, if he wants you. No cooking, cleaning, sexing, washing, abortion etc or not will stop him! Shikena!

  99. Infinity

    August 17, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Those are what true friends do for themselves and still retain their self-worth. you definitely know he would do same for you should roles be reversed. And true friends know their boundaries, its all wisdom. Marriage and relationships are for mature people who know how to take care of themselves before seeking who to look after in a relationship. My Ladies, please find fulfilment in yourselves first, thats the easiest way to get a true male friend.

  100. oluwaseun

    October 15, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    All my life,av had guys pampering me ranging 4rm cooking,bringing lunch,buying stuffs,even laundry…..If u ask me,there’s no big deal in cooking 4 a guy if he appreciates it.I cook 4 my boo n he luvs it.I’m ordinarily sum1 who luvs cooking even for stranger,buh I wont go to a guy’s house and start doing laundry n cleaning cos that’s not me.The main thing here is to be urself in watever u do including relationships,cos once u start up a thing under pretence u’ll av 2 keep doing it which aint right.A man either luvs u or not.

  101. Juliana

    July 14, 2013 at 5:56 pm

    nothing can make a man be yours if he doesn’t love you, and nothing can prevent a man to be ours if he loves you.

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