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“There’s absolutely no need to prove to your woman that you’re a man” – Read Dr Joe Abah’s Marriage Tips For Men

BellaNaija.com

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Director-General of Bureau of Public Service Reforms in the Office of the Presidency, Dr Joe Abah has shared tips from his experience in 25 years of marriage.

“The tips here won’t work for everyone,” he cautions before tweeting the following:

 

 

79 Comments

  1. Paul Adeyemo

    June 1, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    IDIOT. WOMAN WRAPPER. BASTARD. Just turn yourself a slave to the woman. IDIOT. No Nigeria woman treated like this would appreciate such man. He would be considered a weakling and he will even be cheated upon. I live in the UK and no Oyinbo man even treats their wives like this as liberal as they are. This guy is just and idiot looking for those fake, lonely frustrated feminist to applaud him.

    • x

      June 1, 2017 at 11:31 pm

      Mr Paul Adeyemo…. Sorry to burst your bubble of hate, but yes to every I repeat every single thing, my husband treats me like this and does even more, I love love him and appreciate him. Oh and yes we live in Nigeria.

    • Paul Adeyemo

      June 1, 2017 at 11:37 pm

      XJune or December, keep living your FAKE life with your husband. Maybe you are the one feeding your jobless husband. Tell your husband to get busy

    • Random

      June 1, 2017 at 11:52 pm

      @ Paul…..And yet he has been happily married for 25 years….and you?….Why so bitter? You need a heavy dose of love, wisdom and maturity. It’s quite pitiful how bitter you are lol.
      BTW you can agree to disagree with him without overdosing on haterade. He already said so….

    • x

      June 1, 2017 at 11:55 pm

      The name is just X. The June you saw next to it was the date stamp on the Bella naija website, just thought I’d help you out. So back to the matter hubby has a very good job thanks and I’m not doing so bad myself. Why are you so pained by the Dr’s advice? Why are you so against showing appreciation and kindness toward women? The venom with which you reacted is a little disturbing….. Guy calm down, love is all you need. E-Hugs!!!!!

    • Abeni

      June 2, 2017 at 12:14 am

      Dear Paul,

      A sensible woman would appreciate what the Dr listed. Thoughtfulness, sensitivity, love and care are what he wrote about. He even stated it clearly that he still gives money for food and sometimes give little money to his wife even tho she has hers. That’s leadership. He knows in his culture and society, this matters to a lot of women. He also stated that though we women love men who work hard, we also want their time, that he occasionally go home early and state it clearly to his wife that he made the effort. That man doesn’t sound like a weakling.

      I can’t speak for all women. But I like a man that takes initiative, I don’t want a weakling that you have to tell what to do all the time like he doesn’t have a mind of his own nor a boar who you have to find every possible way to persuade to listen to you, to value your inputs or thoughts & feelings, be considerate and sensitive.

      It is all about balance. It also applies to women. Relationship isn’t a competition. It isn’t about I am the man, the head or I am the woman, I am feminist. It is about complementing one another in weakness and strength. And remember every individual have diff strength and weakness to the next person.

      Relationship and marriage has to always put fair treatment into its equation, and from both sex. A woman who has her man’s mumu button knows the power she holds and it is her duty to only use it positively for his personal growth, their growth as a couple and not for his downfall; because his downfall is their downfall. A man who has his woman’s mumu button should also know how to use his power for her betterment, their growth and not abuse the trust she placed in him that enabled her give him such power in the first place.

      With all the Dr listed, a sensible woman will reciprocate the respect, consideration, love, affection, care and sensitivity. It is about maturity. Not about girls love bad boys. Because a woman wants a man that leads without throwing his weight around yet also listens, considers and values her needs or input doesn’t mean she wants a brute or so called bad boy. Sensible woman who has a sensible and reasonable man will dote on him, pamper him as he does her and give him 100% of everything if their relationship and love is genuine.

      A real man, that is a leader or likes to lead, leads naturally and his woman will learn to trust his lead because he is a natural leader. He will also learn to trust her support, guidance, input, direction and even be at ease when she holds fort for him. To him, they are partners. But like I always say, there have to be a team leader on every group project in life. So he might lead most times and some times she leads in different circumstances, or vice versa, but they are both aware of how powerful their influence on each other is and how it can be disastrous if they abuse the power.

      I don’t have issues with a man being a head. I know I am the neck. And to me, I hold the ball. Cos without the neck the head cant move in graceful and effortless manner. The head needs the neck and the neck needs the head. If me as a woman turn my man’s head in a negative direction, it will affect both of us. If the relationship is genuine, whatever either does will affect the other. And that’s the risk we all take, we take a risk without knowing how genuine the other person is. The fear and risks affect both male and female. That’s my marriage or relationship philosophy.

      I don’t think all men like a woman that says yes all the time to everything, they won’t respect her eventually. They will might get bored and leave or maltreat her and even cheat with women who are direct opposite or ones who intrigue them. Same applies to women. We don’t want brutes nor a wimp. Have a mind of your own, but also put us into your consideration, in terms of logical reasoning and contribution, emotional health, physical health and sensitivity.

      Feminism is about fair treatment. Same as racism or ageism are about fair treatment. At the end of the day they all fall under human right movements.

      I pray you find a woman who will change this your view and anger. It is important to find one’s match. Hence, the puzzle can fit. May God give you your own match.

    • Fleur

      June 2, 2017 at 3:04 am

      Paul, are you okay? sorry oh.

    • I_I

      June 2, 2017 at 7:36 am

      You are very silly Bro. This thread is gold – it would do you well to learn from it.

      Signed
      Recently married Dude

    • Ezinne O.

      June 2, 2017 at 9:48 am

      Dear Bella naija team, we desperately need a dislike button! Please help us. Thanks in anticipation of your favorable response

    • GLORY

      June 2, 2017 at 11:23 am

      you need help sir, am married was born and bred in warri nigeria and my husband treats me like this the man in the post says, we dont have a third party in our matter and we are both happy. with this notion you have i mean mind set you wont have a good marriage and let me also say if u get a good woman who has wisdom and treat her well also pamper her she will shower u with times 2 of how u honour her

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      June 2, 2017 at 11:38 am

      The UK in Ogbomosho (no offence, Atoks, you know I luv thee and thine) or the UK in Europe?? Curious minds want to know….

    • DeeDee

      June 2, 2017 at 2:49 pm

      gosh! so much hate and plain old foolishness. get help! i pity any woman in your life

    • Seriously

      June 2, 2017 at 3:32 pm

      @paul Adeyemo, chief and John
      You guys can get angry all you want, veins burst open and what not. Genuine love and respect is the way to go. Y’all must hate your mamas too.
      For all those insisting oh the woman must deserve it and what does the man get in return. It’s simple, genuine love, respect is reciprocal. It’s that easy. Women are very easy to please, show them small dose of real care, they go extra miles for you. Only small percentage of women, people in general who do evil in return for good.
      Men, doing this type of things doesn’t make you less of a man.
      If one experienced sour love, it’s the individual not all men and women fall into such category.

  2. funmilola

    June 1, 2017 at 11:00 pm

    Over to you guys, tell us if you agree…..

  3. Saidat Ibrahim

    June 1, 2017 at 11:04 pm

    Nice one sir,hope our men will learn dis and stop d Ego(am d man,d head).all dese li2 things mean so much.

    • Chief

      June 2, 2017 at 12:05 pm

      @SAIDAT IBRAHIM

      When are you gonna realized how ungrateful women are?Women are not hardwired/programmed to love.Women can’t love.Don’t be a simp hoping that a woman will love you back..Listen listen!!Simping is extremely dangerous and life altering.It all started with Adam the first simp and he ended up out of Garden of Eden..Being a simp is a dangerous thing.I know that because of our nature, genetically we are predisposed to simp for women.we were taught as kids to simp for women but they disrespects us and take it for granted.

      When you simp for women there comes a consequence.Do you know the consequences? You won’t be respected.I know these women and their natures.Honestly,men need to learn to stop simping for these women.I never said and i didn’t say men/husbands should maltreat their women.No no!!Feminism did one thing good for the society and that is giving men the right to finally not to protect women.Women have destroyed the moral fabric of mankind,chivalry is now considered simping.It’s a crying shame.This is the society we live in now,all thanks to feminism.My bro i don’t know how old you are but be smart,don’t simp,these women don’t fall for Mr nice guy

      [email protected] Abi

      Not at allI have woman and a daughter,i never saw women as enemies rather we are exposing the true nature of women,how women manipulate and control men.Every man was once a simp in life because our mothers taught us simping ,betrayed and lied to us about women’s nature,

  4. Jane

    June 1, 2017 at 11:11 pm

    ur wife is damn lucky

    • Paul Adeyemo

      June 1, 2017 at 11:21 pm

      Let him keep deceiving you gullible lot. Mtcheew

    • Preciousgirl

      June 2, 2017 at 7:42 am

      True

  5. Tee

    June 1, 2017 at 11:30 pm

    ….are you sure we don’t live in the same house. We don laff die here. Spot on!!!!

  6. Natalia

    June 1, 2017 at 11:32 pm

    Ahhh, there is hope. Thank you for this, Sir.

  7. Tee

    June 1, 2017 at 11:44 pm

    @Mr Adeymo you fit add this to your headache, Make sure your woman know where you are per time, it’s only proper you do that, go for dinner date/movie night at least once a month without the kids, take a stroll together no be everyday driving abi gym, help in getting the children ready in the morning, consult with her before making business decisions too……. oya tell me say na fairytale… some women dey try for some men dem call help meet. Mine isn’t perfect, we have short comings too but what is marriage if you can’t be help meet. Really?????

  8. Darius

    June 1, 2017 at 11:56 pm

    While a man is doing all this for a woman, what will she be doing for him? A woman that is deserving of such treatment must be one in a million. She has to be the sort of woman the Bible talks about in Proverbs 31:10 – 31.

    The quickest way to lose a woman’s respect is to treat her like a demigod. Respect her, but don’t be a fool for love. I’ve seen men who treated their wives like this and ended up being taken for granted.

    Treat a woman like this if she is a very good woman, and you are sure she won’t abuse the privilege. 98% of women these days are oloshos: they are undeserving of such treatment.

    • Abeni

      June 2, 2017 at 12:23 am

      Well, I agree with treating a genuine woman like that. At the end of the day, it is a risk. You can’t tell who is truly genuine instantly. And you will have to invest bedded true colours come out.

      Unlike you though, I won’t use the word good woman. Cos all human beings have good and bad to them. We all have to individually decide which side we nurture and let show.

      Yes, you are right. A man needs a balance. And same for women. Your woman isn’t your demigod. And your man isn’t your small god. We are to treat each other with mutual respect, love, kindness and consideration. It is all about balance at the end of the day. If you meet your match and your strike a balance, it is blissful. It is when you are with someone that isn’t genuine that those gestures and effort fall flat.

      BTW, 98%, where did you get your stats from? That’s a generalisation.

    • Nuna

      June 2, 2017 at 9:51 am

      I’m sorry about the experiences you’ve had that makes you think like this. Contrary to what people think, women are not hard to understand. My husband does all the above the good Dr said and more, and I worship the ground he walks on. To me he his king and his word is what I go by because I completely trust his judgement. He is the true meaning of God fearing. Now tell me why any sensible woman will treat such a man less.

    • joy

      June 2, 2017 at 1:41 pm

      @Darius, yes they must be in the bible and yes the bible has thought some of us to be like these women, and yes we exist, if you struggle for/with your man and he becomes great and he’s showering you with all these love and you think she doesn’t deserve it????? hmmm

  9. Chief

    June 2, 2017 at 12:05 am

    My God!!! what kind of simping behavior is this?smh..Why would any man with self respect ever write or do something like this?Why would a self respecting man put himself in this position?It’s a huge shame that a lot of men do not know their self worth as men. These simps give women false sense of entitlement and a boost to their fragile self esteem.I’m tired of these simps,i can’t stand them.There is a huge difference between a husband and simp.A simp is a simp and a husband is a husband that knows his duty as a husband.Simps will be the slime of humanity.
    They are the types of men making it a bit harder for real men because women have gotten use to this simp behavior..They have messed up the game and women loving them messed up marriages big time.

    This man is a self depreciating man who subconsciously hates himself and blindly believes his wife is superior to him.I have no respect for any man that can sell his self respect,manhood and masculinity for female validations.

    • Fact

      June 2, 2017 at 3:58 am

      Chief speak for yourself. Your rant has given you away as the one with the serious inferiority complex
      It’s only when something threatens you that you get so agitated and throw tantrums like a 5 year old. In any case, the likes of you and Paul Adeyemi will never attract the caliber of women that this Dr married…..what sensible good woman will want someone that thinks the way you do?
      so please walk on by because this message is not for you…..

    • Abi

      June 2, 2017 at 10:22 am

      @Chief, if Jesus is not the centre of your life then He won’t be at the helm of your marriage. It sounds like you see women as enemies. There’s a lot of hate and fear in your life. I doubt that you are ready to have any kind of relationship with anyone.

  10. missthain

    June 2, 2017 at 12:32 am

    All this reminds me of the movie “Lagidigba”… that’s exactly what is happening with women in Nigeria right now. Its about time Nigerian men know that we’ve seen them all. Men were strong but women are now stronger. Actually we have always been stronger… I believe Nigerian men have low self esteem, which explain why they crave being the head and the power to control. You don’t command respect, you earn it(and same for our women). Mutual respect goes a long way. I’ve always asked myself what happened to the love Nigerian couples share before they get married? Was it all fake? We also need to start putting the so called “inlaws” were they truly belong, in their own home and out of ours

  11. FasholasLover

    June 2, 2017 at 12:43 am

    Dr. Abah for President! “…………….food money is a first line charge…..”.. It is a no brainer. It is a given. Not that nonsence “big ticket items” for Oga and house keep aka food money/household expenses for madam.

  12. Me

    June 2, 2017 at 1:49 am

    Is only the married/happily married people that will understand what this man has written. It’s only the wise and intelligent men that does all of this and even more. My husband is one. If you are not married please dnt comment because marriage is not a child’s play. What the man stated above is just some wisdom he applied in his home to promote sanity and reduce quarrel.

    • Mawi

      June 2, 2017 at 12:39 pm

      I am not married but I agree 100% with him. What makes u think singles are so stupid or will not agree or learn from this? You are silly for saying we shouldn’t drop comments nor we wouldn’t understand. Absolutely silly and stupid.
      Thank you doctor for the advice, we need more of you to speak out rather than these kind that sit on high horses because they are married.

  13. Fleur

    June 2, 2017 at 3:05 am

    The man is speaking from being married for 25 years. Everything he said is correct.

    • Bad gang

      June 2, 2017 at 10:18 am

      And how do you know he has not been enduring disrespect and contempt from his wife then going to twitter to try and cover up his weakness…marriage is a partnership not a one-sided obsequious venture…why should the wife only be at the receiving end of good deeds? This piece of advice is good but lopsided…if these are marriage tips, why didn’t he give tips for wives? This is haphazard and misleading especially in a country were women are great violators of privileges

  14. john

    June 2, 2017 at 5:26 am

    Men who do these things are the type of men that their wives are secretly fuxking thegardener, driver or laundry man. This utopia-mindset simple beta-male man needs to do a paternity test on his kids.

    • Sakura

      June 2, 2017 at 6:41 am

      Really John? Really?

    • Chief

      June 2, 2017 at 7:28 am

      Seriously, i never recovered from Joe simpish behavior.Why are men becoming simps?Why would a real man want to attract the attention of women? Have we incentivize wimpiness now? from Banky Wimpy simping,Fani kayode lipstick nonsense to Joe simping behavior smh.Any man who is afraid to speak or voice out against this perverted ideology because of the inevitable online attacks is just a simpering baby.

      Do we live in Gynocentric world now?is it modernity?is it emasculation of men? is it the influence of western culture on our African culture?Why are we encouraging this simp shit?Why are women attacking men’s masculinity?It saddens me that men are no longer allowed to be manly. Men are losing their masculinity,becoming beta males and wussies because of p**y.I think the way society is encouraging this simping behavior is taking away men’s masculinity.It’s truly saddening that this simp culture is becoming strong and very dominate in our African society now.This is the problem in today’s society.Men are taught to do everything that they can do to please women.,if it means giving up our manhood in the process.Look at popular phrase “happy wife,happy life” motto held by husbands around the world.This implies that a man’s happiness depends on his wife’s happiness which makes him prone to manipulation .Women generally have powers over men now and it’s a shame that most men are content with that.

      To clarify,,In fact let me clear the air and set the record straight, men who takes care of their wives and perform their normal duties as husbands are not simps and any woman who strip away his husband manhood,emasculates and chastises him because she lives abroad is a wicked Delilah.To young men out there…Listen,Listen! don’t be deceived by this wimpy man advice.A woman will act as though she expects you to do everything for her as a way of testing how emotionally masculine you are.If you follow her orders,obey her and do whatever she wants,she will lose respect for you and won’t feel sexually attracted to you,period

    • Chief

      June 2, 2017 at 7:53 am

      Seriously, i never recovered from Joe simpish behavior.Why are men becoming simps?Why would a real man want to attract the attention of women? we incentivize wimpiness now,right? from Banky Wimpy simping,Fani kayode lipstick nonsense to Joe simping behavior smh.Any man who is afraid to speak or voice out against this perverted ideology because of the inevitable online attacks is just a simpering baby.

      Do we live in Gynocentric world now?is it modernity?is it emasculation of men? is it the influence of western culture on our African culture?Why are we encouraging this simp shit?Why are women attacking men’s masculinity?It saddens me that men are no longer allowed to be manly. Men are losing their masculinity,becoming beta males and wussies because of p**y.I think the way society is encouraging this simping behavior is taking away men’s masculinity.It’s truly saddening that this simp culture is becoming strong and very dominate in our African society now.This is the problem in today’s society.Men are taught to do everything that they can do to please women.,if it means giving up our manhood in the process.Look at popular phrase “happy wife,happy life” motto held by husbands around the world.This implies that a man’s happiness depends on his wife’s happiness which makes him prone to manipulation .Women generally have powers over men now and it’s a shame that most men are content with that.

      To clarify,,In fact let me clear the air and set the record straight, men who takes care of their wives and perform their normal duties as husbands are not simps and any woman who strip away her husband manhood,emasculates and chastises him because she lives abroad is a wicked Delilah.To young men out there…Listen,Listen! don’t be deceived by this wimpy man advice.A woman will act as though she expects you to do everything for her as a way of testing how emotionally masculine you are.If you follow her orders,obey her and do whatever she wants,she will lose respect for you and won’t feel sexually attracted to you,period

    • Gatsby

      June 2, 2017 at 7:59 am

      Men who do what? Give their wives money? Don’t hit their wives? Are these not basic ABC??? Wow you sir are an animal!

    • I_I

      June 2, 2017 at 1:13 pm

      Hmmm. Why this post resonates with me is cos its stuff I’ve come to realize in my relationship / marriage. Doing little things like washing dishes while she cooks, and mopping the floors while she scrubs the bathroom does not me less than a man – thinking like that is childish. I started taking a few days to close early cos I noticed she likes to talk to me about all sorts of stuff – important and trivial, and it makes her happy – what does it cost me? Nothing. Buying her little gifts make her eyes light up like a child’s, and supporting her hustle builds her trust in you.

      Do you know who the biggest winner is here? Me. My life is cheaper, cos she doesn’t make any ridiculous demands from me in a scheme to get money out of me, cos she knows I would always share buy gifts for her anyway (cheaper than what she might end up buying if she decides to scam you of money). Her folks genuinely think highly of me, and this has helped to open a few doors. I have never looked over my shoulder that she is banging some-one else, cos I provide both physical and emotional covers. Its easier to get forgiven when you mess up (against your better nature). Sex is better, cos she wants to show gratitude, respect is sacrosanct, cos like a kid hooked on sugar, she doesn’t want me to get angry and allow tension to come into the home plus the few times your ego sets in (don’t make it a habit), you can actually get away without saying sorry, cos she would have forgiven you anyway e.t.c.

  15. john

    June 2, 2017 at 5:48 am

    this looks like advice on how to handle retarded ,imbecilic children on how to make them behave…..funny enough women who claims feminists are supporting this…when I say women have fish brains which doesnt let them think far , they say I am rude …I know men like this , they are one of the greatest manipulators on earth.. whenever u see a man talking like this on social media,he is trying to cover up something…@darius asked a good question which a lot of women ignored and it is “While a man is doing all this for a woman, what will she be doing for him?”..Their greatest delusion on earth is that every woman thinks she is a good woman and entitled to your money and attention which is a very big false..personally,if you have a good woman treat her right but the problem is are u sure u have a good woman..a typical Nigerian woman will abuse these privileges.. Nigerian girls are the most untrustworthy set of human beings in this world.Believe me or not.,The day you start to trust a Nigerian woman is the day you sign your death warrant. I am greatest believer in that not all Nigerian women deserve to get married… Some are destined to be single and are better left alone…as some on said On Nairaland..everything is about money( thay is bottom line)

    That is how to treat a woman when money is there.Women will be nice and romantic as far as there is Money
    The Home will be a place of joy and fun as far as there is Money and respect.I can afford to cook every Sunday and Tuesdays as long as my bank alert is my relaxation tool.You will certainly overlook women wahalah as far as you can take a drive out to cool off in a Range Rover Autobiography or Mercedes C63 AMG
    Finally I can tweet, hype, love my woman on social media with joy as far as an executive appointment is concern when all i have to do is to chill in the office and watch Channels News while i wait to sign on documents for approval.

    • Bad gang

      June 2, 2017 at 10:01 am

      I agree with Dr.Abah to a large extent…my own is the wife must be worth all these niceties…if you have a nasty nagging selfish lazy living organism incarnate in a female body called a wife then treat her accordingly….But if you feel touched by Jesus and you think you are patient enough to always show good example until she succumbs to good behaviour, I wish you well….many in fact very many nigerian women are abusers of privileges and acts of benevolence…take breakfast to them in bed and hear them complain why you didn’t bring dinner…many nigerian women have la la expectations of men in marriage…I don’t know if its that shitty telemundo or the mills&boons …a lot of them are delusional…[email protected] thank you for that important question

    • ekalor

      June 2, 2017 at 4:21 pm

      The fish brain reference, I hope you know applies to ALL females. so que your Mom, your sister and daughter. since your wive inst a big deal

  16. Fast cars

    June 2, 2017 at 6:10 am

    What sort of advice is this? The funny thing is that this man will not be doing half of the things he mentioned. Very shallow something no substance. Do this do that, “Run 5000 miles for her”, “build her a ice cream factory and make sure she doesn’t get fat” blah blah blah……looks like he grabbed some Pastor’s book and just started reading from it.

  17. Nky

    June 2, 2017 at 6:56 am

    I am recently engaged and agree with everything he said. I was single and very independent for a long time before meeting my fiance and boy it was a struggle adjusting. Today, I thank God for making me receive sense to understand that receiving help and being lead by a man does not in anyway reduce my worth. I have learnt to separate my work life from my personal life. I am still learning.

    • LemmeRant

      June 2, 2017 at 9:20 am

      What does your just being engaged have to do with the correctness of what he said?

  18. xyz

    June 2, 2017 at 7:07 am

    paul adeyemo, chief and john – VERY BUSH, UNCOUTH beings!
    HEAVY BAGS OF SH%T

  19. Gatsby

    June 2, 2017 at 7:58 am

    I’m really shocked that their are men that have a problem with what he said! Wow wow! And women will marry you people??? God forbid o! Basic give her money, show care, come home early! Pls I didn’t see anywhere he wrote kiss her feet or lick her face, so what’s the problem??!!!!! Wow wow y’all are animals man

  20. Ms. Lurve

    June 2, 2017 at 8:33 am

    After being married for a few years (you need a period of adjustment and compromise) to your best friends, these seem like standard practice. There is no woman I know that will be treated like this that won’t submit willingly, fully and completely to her husband. Even if in the heat of an argument he raises his voice, it won’t be hard for you to lower yours (Yul Edochie take note) because you recognise he his human and isn’t perfect but you know deep down he is a good man. 9 times out of 10 he’d apologise for raising his voice anyway. Women with husbands like this do everything they can to keep him happy too. Its a two way street. Everyone in the marriage is happy including the kids and that’s the way God intended it to be.

  21. FinchleysFinest

    June 2, 2017 at 9:11 am

    Really on point. …..me like 1million times .. So many boys complaining about these tweets….

  22. caramel chic

    June 2, 2017 at 9:17 am

    isn’t it sad that A Nigerian girl is raised from birth to adulthood to think like this towards her husband and the other men in her life….Yet the sons are never taught any of this and find themselves going to fast track relationship school at the age of 27. ….A whole 20 years too late.!!!Yet they stand at the altar face to face with a woman who is 20years ahead of them relationally……..We talk about Nigerian men as though they are just accessories and we blame them and forget it was a Nigerian woman who raised him. It was us sisters who did everything for them int he house when growing up, yet all of sudden when they are adults they are supposed to now be men who help thier wives??? how??..where ??….Were just a community of generational norms, African women need to start taking responsbility and stop living in ignorant bliss… Our sons are our husbands nor our validation of life. I always shudder when i hear women say their children are the SOURCE of their joy. What kind of emotional bodnage is that? if we do not raise our sons, nephews, cousins with the same yard stick as our daughters the new generation will continue to suffer the realtional experiences we have gone through. African women #staywoke

    • Maxie

      June 2, 2017 at 9:36 am

      You just echoed my thoughts… Our brothers turn to husbands so you dont expect some of them to start doing all these you know. it takes few to know that this is the right way.

    • Akin

      June 2, 2017 at 10:42 am

      @caramelchic i always look forward to your comments. Your guy is a Lucky man.

  23. LemmeRant

    June 2, 2017 at 9:18 am

    Lol. This nigga is basically saying run your home the way I run mine and you’ll have a good marriage. That’s a very proud mindset.

    What I don’t understand is why the women on here are gobbling up what he said as the holy grail of marriage.
    He said he’s been married 25yrs. What does that mean? Is that proof of a happy marriage? Isn’t it on this same BN you women keep reiterating how number of years married doesn’t equal happy marriage. What changed now? Why do you believe his story all of a sudden? Why are you so ready to jump on his bandwagon?

    Anyways from experience I can tell you that not all men who treat their wives like queens end up having a good marriage.
    A lot of them end up getting cheated on, and they cheat with people who don’t give a shit?
    And I’ve also seen countless times how women being treated “unfairly” keep running back to the hands of the men who treated them bad.
    Some would even be in a relationship with a “good guy’ but still be f**king around with the “bad” guy.
    Whose to say this oga’s Madame self is not cheating on him. I’ve seen it over and over, and this women give the stupidest of excuses and still blame it on their husbands/boyfriends.
    Even on BN here we’ve seen quite a number of women confess to this very act of not being able to keep away from their ‘bad boy’ ex whom they supposedly love with all their heart but keep finding ways to break up with while stringing along the “good guy” who is supposedly everything they want but can’t bring themselves to love.

    Anyways who am I to tell a full grown adult how to run his marriage. If you wanna be a simp. Good luck. But don’t be pitting yourself as the omniscience of relationships/marriages

    • Brainstorm

      June 2, 2017 at 10:41 am

      You ruined your nice comment with the First sentence. The writer clearly stated that the tips won’t work for everyone. You even agreed with your last sentence and became the “proud” person in the end by insinuating that people who run their homes contrary to your ideology are “simps”.

    • Temidite

      June 2, 2017 at 10:59 am

      @Brainstorm, don’t mind the h’idiot. Joe Abba clearly says in the first paragraph, IT WILL NOT WORK FOR ALL.

      but does this olodo rabata see it??? Noooooo.
      Just looking for where to wank out the leftovers in his brain.

      Wish I had a man like Joe Abah. I would treat him like a god.

    • Amanda

      June 2, 2017 at 11:53 am

      The man clearly states at the beginning that this wouldn’t work for everyone but idiot rapist like you wouldn’t read. The same thing you accused the man of doing is what you ended up doing.

    • LemmeRant

      June 2, 2017 at 12:36 pm

      @Temidite

      Normally I don’t respond to abusive replies to my comment. But concerning your wish to find a man like Joe Abah.

      Who knows maybe you should try being less uncouth or abusive, it really does nothing for you and it places a (I am too d*aft to reason constructively) signpost on your head. I even hear men like Joe don’t like verbally abusive women, I hear they say its a turn off. Who knows? Maybe this is why you’ve not been able to find such men.

      Anyways goodluck in your hustle, just thought I’d give you a friendly tip.

    • No Headaches Please

      June 2, 2017 at 5:51 pm

      @lemme rant Lil Toy, save your ‘advice’ for yourself, your family, your generation and where it rightly belongs: THE LOO. Ode.

      I understand that common sense is not common. But there is something like abusing stupidity. Please.

  24. Oma

    June 2, 2017 at 9:24 am

    @Paul……when men like you fall in love, you become a slave! I have dated your type, full of ego and hatred for femininism but they are the ones that will worship at Temple. The whole energy they have used to hate on women, they dump it on you. Always very needy, seeking for the slightest attention!

  25. Chief

    June 2, 2017 at 9:27 am

    BN where is my 2nd comment? This is becoming so disrespectful

  26. i love my husband

    June 2, 2017 at 9:51 am

    Lets here from Dr. Joe Abahs wife, if hes really treating her like this..i don’t believe anything on social media again these days. Nevertheless, I belive in a lot of things he said here, maybe not all, because marriage is not built on hard and fast rules, know what works for you and your spouse and what makes you 2 happy and do it. my husband doesn’t buy me occasional gifts other than birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas and major celebrations, but I am very happy and fine with it, I’m not a gift person anyway, and those major celebrations enh, he sweeps me off my feet with the things he buys. He does a billion and one wonderful things for me, I haven’t lacked any form of convinence in my life, starting from maid, cook, nanny, driver to take me to work…so women don’t go and make this your yardstick and say he must do everythin dr abah has said, just make sure your man loves you, cares for you, treats you well and you in turn, respect him like hes a king cos when you respect a man, you motivate them to do more

  27. deel

    June 2, 2017 at 9:52 am

    These comments just made me realise that a lot of Nigerian men still have a verrryyy long way to go. Please more trainings like this for our men. The women have learnt enough!

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      June 2, 2017 at 11:57 am

      And you know what makes me just marvel at certain Nigerian men i.e. Paul Adeyemo et al? They wholeheartedly expect God to treat them with the sort of the Grace they won’t deign to give others (i.e. the women in their lives). When they pray, in spite of their shortcomings, they still expect the best – the best blessings, the best favour, the best testimonies (“Baba God please bring the good things I’ve asked You for…. yes, I know I’ve not been faithful but have mercy and be good to your son”)…..

      Yet, at the same time, they’ll quickly turn around and give you good reasons why women don’t deserve this or women don’t deserve that…. the level of inhumanity and arrogance they display towards the other sex, is simply beyond understanding.

  28. get your eye test done today

    June 2, 2017 at 11:27 am

    God bless you sir! May God bless your wife and your children! You have given me hope! You do not know how this has blessed my heart, to know there are still men like you out there! God bless you !

  29. R.R

    June 2, 2017 at 12:41 pm

    Wow,I just saw my Dad in Dr Abah’s tweets.Well done Sir.

  30. Truth Teller

    June 2, 2017 at 12:42 pm

    paul adeyemo and thief (not chief), I deliberately started writing your names with small letters because you don’t deserve any better. You’re dumb, stupid, and mere boys with an unusual level of inferiority complex and low self esteem, who love to see women as vulnerable and weak at ALL times, and that includes your mothers, other female relatives and friends, etc. You’re wicked too, your comments say it all. I’m sure you’re the kind of men that wouldn’t allow your wives to eat the gizzard because you think in your stupidity that it’s meant for ‘boys’ like you. If you disagreed with the writer, there are various ways you would have passed your message across without being insulting. Nigerian women, do yourselves a favor. Avoid such plagues as these two boys mentioned, and any other boy that reasons this way. They don’t deserve respect, submission, or even marriage. Mere boy toys!

  31. Anonymous

    June 2, 2017 at 1:12 pm

    Dr. has given tips on “happy wife, happy home” and as much as he said it may not work for everyone, please believe me it will and does work for any MAN who applies them.

  32. Tru

    June 2, 2017 at 2:26 pm

    ??? Loved this article, made me laugh. I feel it’s a bit tongue-in-cheek (e.g. Offer to carry her slippers, hee hee) but quite a bit of truth in there sha!

  33. Observer

    June 2, 2017 at 3:04 pm

    @paul adeyemo and crew: so should we stop doing good because there are bad people in the world who won’t appreciate the good we do? Isn’t it said that you should be the change you want to see? So if you want to see good wives, you be a good husband. Please go and read your Bibles and repent, because God is not pleased with your attitudes! The Bible says men should love their wives as CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIS LIFE FOR HER!

  34. Engoz

    June 2, 2017 at 3:40 pm

    I don’t agree with most of Dr. Joe’s views – makes women look petty and irrational. Phone credits, food money, et al., tsk tsk tsk… I know this kind thing go sweet many Nigerian women belle, lol. See let me tell you if you married a violent woman, you had better defend yourself. He’s lucky he has a disclaimer that this won’t work for everyone, lol.

    But what makes this thread glorious is seeing Chief cry like a defeated nigga, lmao. Masculinity now has diverse narratives. Not only have we won the battle, we have won the war. Tehehehe. More of this please! lmao.

    • Haba Engoz

      June 2, 2017 at 7:03 pm

      Choose a struggle darling, who is we? And how do you ask for more of these kind of advice when you don’t agree with most of it as it “makes women look petty and irritational” .

    • Engoz

      June 2, 2017 at 7:51 pm

      Can’t pick a struggle o. I hate and love it at the same time. What’s the word for that? Yeah I want more men policing other men on manhood, even if it’s nonsense. For once the tables have been turned, hehehe. See how it got the beta whiny males Chief & Paul angry…me I like it for this fact. Tehehe

  35. Chi

    June 2, 2017 at 4:17 pm

    Dr Abah is a hundred percent correct!! I have been married for 21 years. We have our ups and downs but my husband does a lot of what has been recommended above and trust me, I enjoy my marriage. Over the years, I believe my husband discovered what it takes to keep the peace and make the home a happy one. It wasn’t always like that at the beginning.

    These recommendations do work . Haven’t you heard the saying “Happy wife, Happy life?”. My hubby is also happy because there is minimum “wahala” from my end.

  36. Yahoo

    June 2, 2017 at 5:29 pm

    Some of his points are plain facts, some are worth emulating, some are yardsticks to kind of personality his wife exudes, while some are utter rubbish and impractical points.

  37. Abah okoh

    June 3, 2017 at 7:51 am

    Well for the purpose of the choice the both parties made in the beginning of the Union to be achieved, the tips mentioned by the doctor are reasonable

  38. Tosin

    June 3, 2017 at 7:18 pm

    to be honest, even the first one was kinda lame. so she fixes the house the way she likes because what? what if the guy is better at it? what if the chic doesn’t care either way? whatevs.

  39. Esosa

    June 16, 2017 at 7:40 pm

    paul and “thief” are just simply dumb and showing the whole world how ignorant they are.

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