The myth ‘Nice guys finish last’ is one I cannot explicitly say where it has originated from, but it is everywhere (If in doubt, google is your friend… Thank me later). Personally, I reckon this myth is the number one reason some men treat women with little or no respect because society says women like ‘the bad boy swag’, so you have to act like you care but not too much, you have to come off as unattainable, so they can keep chasing after you. Speaking for myself, I do not want a man I am going to chase… you are not a goat!
Every now and then, I wonder where all these unwritten rules come from. The other day my friend Dami was around and we got into this deep conversation about good (nice) girls. My friend swears by the book ‘Why men love bitches’ – that it has worked wonders in her life.
I have not read the said book, but, I have heard some pretty interesting reports about it. What is it then about a good girl that turns men off? Looking at both sides of the story, I concluded it is a fundamental flaw of ‘lack of confidence’. Nobody teaches these things, but after dealing with one too many unserious people, some introspection should begin to take place. CONFIDENCE is attractive, CONFIDENCE is beautiful, and with it, you can make anything look good (even a brown paper bag).
I cannot speak much for nice guys, but I can definitely speak for women who have dealt with/ or are currently dealing with the result of poor choices. The problem women are faced with today is that society says beautiful is all you need to be to snag you ‘the perfect guy’ hence the lack of identity and confidence amongst many. Beauty can get you a pass, but sure won’t keep you there… Beauty can make you a trophy, but doesn’t guarantee you respect and happiness, and even trophies, gets dusty. Physical beauty is cheap and replaceable, confidence isn’t and that is what makes you YOU.
For good girls and nice guys alike, the only reason they are caught in the cycle of loving the seemingly ‘unattainable’ is the thrill of the chase. It is a quest, a challenge and you want to be an exception to the rule. I don’t know how the story ends with nice guys, but there is never a ‘happily ever after’ with bad boys. At some point, you have to find people who love the way you do. Let a bad boy find himself a bad girl, and you, the good girl, find yourself a nice guy. In an ideal world, this is not a hard concept to grasp. Unfortunately, we don’t live in an ideal world. Women love to fix everything, and many fail to understand that you cannot fix a broken man. You are not GOD. Accept reality for what it is!
And for the good guy who is still living in the friend zone, BOUNDARIES my brother! Human beings generally, do not appreciate things that come by too easily, and for this reason everyone should have the courage to define their limits. Don’t be the guy she’s talking to about her crushes, exes and all sorts, you have to draw the line. If you want her, go for it… likewise if you are scared, keep it cool but don’t be used.
I have learnt in relationships that managing your emotions and expectations is KEY. Don’t expect too much from anybody, and don’t give anyone the responsibility of making YOU happy. Though I dislike game playing and emotional manipulations, but you need to genuinely care for yourself to avoid bending over and backwards for people. Nobody likes a people pleaser. Discover your identity, and find an edge to your personality. This way, approval seeking and validation becomes of little or no interest to you, and self-respect will become your best friend.