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BN Hot Topic: The Thin Line Between Love and Excesses

Atoke

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When I was younger I truly believed I was adopted because I felt my mother was the most wicked woman on earth. I knew that everything I had was a privilege and nothing I had was as a result of “entitlement”. If I misplaced my water bottle in school she would make me go for weeks without another one till I learned that “you don’t pluck the money for things from the tree behind the house”. It was a harsh lesson, but it was one I learnt. I knew that if I worked hard at school, I’d get something special for the holiday.

Today, I look back and I think “Damn! Parenting is hard work!” I can’t imagine how much it would have broken her heart for her daughter to yell “I hate you. You’re not my mother” at her (of course the one and only time I tried that I knew the meaning of PAIN from koboko!)

Parenting is HARD and I can’t even begin to imagine how much harder it is now in 2012. This is the age of advanced technology. The age of the Ipad and Nintendo Wii.

If you’re a parent, it takes the special grace of whatever deity you call upon in the quiet solitude of your bedroom to do a good job.

Two weeks ago, my 12 year old niece (what’s the English word for “Cousin’s daughter”) came to visit me and during our ‘catching up’ session she talked about how she was looking forward to the holidays because she was going to fix the Indian hair her mother had just ordered for her. My mouth opened in shock. Where was I supposed to begin from? The entire conversation oozed of a sense of entitlement. I asked a friend of mine what she thought about the issue of buying expensive hair for pre-teens and her response was even more shocking. Her 13 year old had asked her if she could get a new phone when school resumes in September because his friends were all using the new Blackberry Bold 5. She promptly reminded her that the only reason he had the phone in the first place was so that he could call the driver when he was running late. If he pushed his luck she was going to pull that phone. It got me thinking how do we balance the desire to make arrangements that work and minimize the risk of the child feeling that he just needs to want it and it’s readily available.

I’m trying to be really open minded here and I’m trying to understand how best to raise the next generation of well behaved, hardworking Nigerians.

Are we spoiling our children? How do we ensure that our kids are not those kids we all cringe at when we see them behaving in an unruly manner at a party. Are we simply moving with the times? What is the yardstick for determining when it is alright for your kids to own some things? How do we give our kids the best while instilling in them the need to WORK hard for that money.

What is love and what is an excess?

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore.Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

47 Comments

  1. Nonye

    May 31, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    I sure do agree that parenting is becoming increasing hard. But I guess it depends on each family to find that balance. Parents always like to rush to satisfy every desire a child has which may not allow the child understand what it means to be judicious with scarce resources. However, times have changed and is still changing. My daughter certainly cannot have weavons and stuff. But a phone, maybe. But most likely a basic one. BB Bold 5…you say what? As the bible says, everything in moderation.

  2. nwando

    May 31, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    A weave on a twelve year old? An expensive weave for that matter! That’s inappropriate oh. What is she supposed to do when older guys start to hit on her?

  3. NIRA

    May 31, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    It’s really unfortunate that some parents instill laziness in their kids. A parent will sneak snacks and money into a secondary school pupil’s bag when the school strictly forbids it. you carry your child in the car and disobey traffic rules, abusing other drivers, later you wonder why your children don’t obey you. You grant their every whim cos you feel guilty for not spending enough time with them. Everything is now a competition, why should a parent get a blackberry bold 5 for a teenager, what’s the moral justification?? If you talk, they’ll say it’s cos you’re too poor and jealous of their kids. 13 yr olds fix brazillian weave, e.t.c. HOW ARE WE GOING TO RAISE THE NEXT GENERATION, IF WE KEEP SPOILING THEM ROTTEN?? MOTHERS are guilty as hell. REMEMBER, IF THE CHILD TURNS OUT BADLY, IT’S THE MOTHER’S CHILD O!!!

    • amaa

      August 21, 2014 at 3:53 pm

      Honestly I am tired of minding my business they say it takes a village to raise a kid. I hear parents make comments like “I don’t want my children to suffer the way I did growing up”. The way you were raised formed your character made you who you are today gave values , moral etc. Growing up we only got what we needed not what we wanted . we eat with the drivers kids called the house helps aunty, had chores irrespective of weather aunty this or aunty that was a in the house. The boys swept the house cleaned the surroundings washed papas clothes while the girls did the cooking .Some even called their fathers SIR how dare you disrespect your parents they will so cut you off before you say what!!!!. I am so scared of these children and what we are turning them into. A selfish, materialistic, entitled generation who are insatiable. Richard Branson the owner of Virgin never allowed his kids to fly business class until the could afford it them selves. but here mbanu!!!! its private jet and armed escort. Bill gates isn’t living nada!!!!! for his kids his giving it all away. I am sorry guys if you are a working parents make sure your pension and insurance tanda gidi gba!!!!! because at this rate they will ship all our pitiful behinds to old peoples homes if by any chance you cant fend for our self. Rubbishh I just cant even fathom the money miss road mentality some parents have this days .

  4. vivienne

    May 31, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    abi i nnor read am well? a brazilian weave on for a 12 year old? lord have mercy…. but hell no. dats just foolishness on the part of the mother. i know we all bitch around on our childhood and how harsh it was, but believe u me, the extreme measures our parents took in making us better persons is sure paying off now… we are friends, better llovers, better workers cos of that fear of God{thru the caning and kobokoing} that was instilled in us. now, dont get me wrong cos wen u have it, u gotta spend it, rite? but then again, moderation is always the key… or what will happen wen the cheddar is no longer there.. we breed some’crazy’ greedy lil monsters. this is my take o jare…

  5. Movie Junkie

    May 31, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Indian hair on a TWELVE year old???!!!!! HIA!!! Never. Absolutely uncalled for and inappropriate in my opinion. She has simply diluted that girls understanding of being a young girl. After indian hair, what next? clubbing overnight? Sleep over’s at a boys house?! A 12 yr old niece of mine too was recently asking her parents for a bb, and she got a resounding NO from all three of us. There is time for everything biko, let them enjoy their purity while it still lasts, not even with all the things one can find on the internet these days.

    And i hear that BIS students (the girls especially) are quite the queens of human hair and bb’s and designer bags. People, these are 10, 11 and 12 yrs old young girls oh!!!!!!

  6. LPS

    May 31, 2012 at 12:53 pm

  7. ester

    May 31, 2012 at 12:56 pm

  8. moyo

    May 31, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Like you pointed out Atoke, It takes the special grace of whatever deity you call upon( I say God Almighty cos am a christian). I beleive there are no hard and fast rules about raising kids,but thru effective communication. Understand your childs frame, how he or she thinks, reasons behind certain actions, talk it thru with them, let them know why and whynot the can have certain things at certain stages of their life, make them ur best buddies that they can talk to at anytime T. I think this will help alot.

  9. tosyno

    May 31, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    we need to train our children to be the best child in our environment not the rich spoit child in the universe. 13yr old gal with brazillian hair will soon request for boyfriend. lol

  10. PD

    May 31, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    this 1 good na…..u neva hear of a 6yrs old refusing to get into the car after closing hours cos its not my car…..ordered the driver to go home and bring his car….true true…..jeep land oh with his name on the customised plate!!!! we shall all reap what we sow!!! train ur child well so he/she can give u peace!!!

    • cathy

      June 1, 2012 at 6:50 pm

      LORD have mercy! wetin we no go see ehn?

  11. Florence AleGale

    May 31, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Is that what they asked you? Lol

  12. shade

    May 31, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    This is a topic I’m very much interested in. I think many parents are spoiling their children by not giving them boundaries. You only need to go to d malls at weekends to see what I’m talking about. And I think the schools are seriously aiding and abetting this trend. Cos school proprietors cos of the chase for money give their teachers no authority as a student can even attempt to slap a teacher and the proprietors do nothing about it and even scold the teachers (in front of the students) for attempting to discipline such a kid. I don’t know how a school will allow weave ons as part of their students dressing, you see boys with mohawks and all sorts of hair cuts. We need to go back to the drawing board. I didn’t fix weave on until d 2nd semester of my jambite year, and even at that I was scared stiff for how my dad would react to it. We need to increase moral istruction and corporal punishment in school. I couldn’t have dared to report my teacher to my headmaster or parent when I was in school. Cos dem go beat you join.
    As for my children, I feel sorry for them, cos no phone, no fancy hair at anytime, no high heels, no makeup and no unsupervised visits to silverbird or the palms. I just hope that they will at some point know that whatever I do/did would be for their own good.

  13. efe

    May 31, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    This is not right at all,parents these days are just presenting solutions to their children instead of problems and give them allowances to think or proffer solutions to them.Overindulging or spoiling this children,is not love at all,but destroying the lives of these children, that before you know it, they become uncontrollable,you can’t talk to them,and when they do not get what they want,they will do whatever right or wrong,but most times the wrong things to get what they want by all means and will never place value on people cause you do not meet up to their material standard.
    Children learn from us(parents )we are their first pastor,mentor,teacher and all.So what we see in the society today is just a reflection of seeds sown in time past that is yielding its fruit,Because as stated in Genesis 8. 22,Seed time and harvest,never cease.Whatever a man sows,he definitely would reap.It is a pity ,my heart bleeds.God have mercy

  14. traci

    May 31, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    i read this blog from time to time without commenting and today i felt compelled to put my “2 cents” in because i’ve been bothered by the trend of raising kids these days.I don’t have kids yet,but i’m always amazed at the things kids get away with cos parents think whatever they missed growing up their kids should have and much more.I don’t think any child should fix weaves or whatever till university..yes i can imagine the number of people going whaatttt???let them dress their natural hair and enjoy it before trying to look older.how many kids have i seen that go around holding the latest gadgets that they do not need it has now become a class thing and when you disagree with this people always think you’re jealous…and don’t get me started on kids being dressed like adults and allowed unrestricted freedom to go wherever cos’ the parent wants to be a “cool” parent.parenting definately shouldn’t be too restrictive,but it shouldn’t be a “give the child whatever he/she wants cos’ i can afford it” deal.

  15. fokasibe

    May 31, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Just so you know, your cousin’s daughter is your first cousin, once removed….

  16. Omowunmi

    May 31, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Your cousin’s daughter is your cousin – first/second/third* cousin once removed, I think is the full title (*delete as appropriate)

    • Teris

      June 1, 2012 at 7:42 am

      W!

  17. Partyrider

    May 31, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    This whole thing starts from the parents who want to out do their own friends in material things.so they make sure their kids have the ‘best excesses’ just to show off to the other family. Then the child grows up with that mentality,becomes even a problem for the parents(especially the mother) and then grows up to be one hell of a lazy spoilt brat.
    Parenting has never been easy,but parents must learn to put their foot down and make decisions for the child and not the other way round.
    The funny thing about this is that when the child finally grows up and has some sense, he/she will hate the parents for spoiling and sparing them.

  18. Bee

    May 31, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Oh How I love kids but we all need to know when to draw the line. I am not parent, infact I do not qualify as parent material but sometimes we need to chill. Yes modern day advancements may have its numerous impacts on pre-teens and children nowadays but that doesnt call for parents to allow it rule their children. The one of indian or brazillian hair on a pre-teen is just too much. Whatever happened to braids? Heck, on holidays, thats all I was allowed to do, and that’s if i brought home good results. As for that blackberry bold 5 issue, nawa oh! I understand the need for a phone if the driver is running late but having a choice as to what phone they can use is nonsense…absolute nonsense. I didn’t get a phone till my ss3 and even then, if I talked rubbish once, my phone got seized.

    So I don’t know oh, but I’m guessing our advancement in the world is causing this nonsense!

  19. Miss thing

    May 31, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    I agree an expensive weave for a 12 year old is inappropriate when she is 16/18 she can have it I wld tell u why I went to an all girls secondary school n I never got that much attention til I got into uni older guys(married men) started to come after me n tried to entice me with trips to London, latest fones and a driver and a car at my beck n call. But I was already use to vacations in London I started traveling before I cld walk n started roaming d streets of London n New [email protected] 13 with my friends even with my mom screaming this is not Lagos the street is not safe. I had a driver 24/7 but broke away from it to gain freedom from the preying eyes of my parents n learnt how to take the bus (yes bus) that’s how desperate I wntd to break away from my folks. New fonts wasn’t even a big deal I wldnt get it when I entd it but wld eventually. I had friends but similar background with parents who cld afford to do all these things but didn’t. They have Neva travelled out of the country before n fell victim to these advances all in the name of I’ll take u to London . So if u can do those nice theses for them especially the female children so it’s not a big deal to them. Just my opinion u can disagree with me if u want.

    • Partyrider

      May 31, 2012 at 4:08 pm

      I’m trying to get the connection with going to an all girls school.
      Providing for your kids with the necessary things of life and love especially so that they don’t go out to look for it else where is different from spoiling your kids with that same excuse in mind.
      And everything boils down to proper home training. #shikena

    • jczgrl

      May 31, 2012 at 4:21 pm

      Erm my dear I know its your opinion…but must it be material things? Why cant you impart values and character in them? why cant you affirm your daughter and teach her how priceless she is regardless of how much money their parents have? Giving them material things so they dont have to get it from outside is not a lasting solution. Some girls become greedier and greedier. How about you give them a trip abroad and then another man gives them a trip to the whole of europe with all expenses paid and biz class? So I guess at this point she can take it na since e no reach the one the parents give am. I mean where do you draw the line? Bottom line, impart the right values and morals in your children, teach them how valuable they are, positively affirm them and spend quality time with them.

  20. karonwi

    May 31, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Train ur children the ryt way (tis never gonna b smooth). Ur mum dint have take it easy on you bt you look back nd realise tws all for ur good.
    IMO, however you decide to train your children today(good or bad in ur eyes) will somehow reflect in their future. God help you, you did them well.
    You’ll av to be to draw the line btwn luxury and basic necessities. A 12-yr old wanting a bb bold 5 to show off/ indian hair 2 fix??? na to go on dry fastin n prayer o

  21. onyii

    May 31, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    i read something somewhere, it says
    Give a child everything he asks for, that way he will grow up believing that you and the world owe him a living…..”

    back then, we were on holiday not just to play but also to read, i thank God for my parents, after my JSSC exams, i had thi almost 2-month long holiday, my daddy gave me a fat book to read, “the complete works of sherlock holmes”. I also had to finish it in a month, i was pissed, but I had to because daddy`s word is law. I read that book till i finished it and i enjoyed it, and it made me ask for more books. Now tell me, a child is looking forward to the holidays cos she wants to fix a brazillian weave……We are finished.

  22. birdieblue22

    May 31, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    I have to agree a little with miss thing yes we shouldn’t spoil our kids but at the same time while we’re telling them “no” I feel an explanation should be given so that when the opportunity for someone to entice them with things we said they couldn’t have have comes they’ll remember why they couldn’t have it rather than be led astray. More importantly we generally shouldn’t let go of our morals and try as much as possible to act the way we want our kids to act, what ever comes out of our mouth should be the same with what they see. I think what pisses me of more is the 6 year old that won’t enter the car because his name isn’t on it, how can I expect my kid to be a great leader tomorrow if he cant respect the driver now.

  23. ayo la

    May 31, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Miss thing, d issue isn’t about travelling or not travelling. Travell is part of life’s experience and if you can afford it no big deal. D issue is abt over indulging your kids. Expensv weave ons isn’t still appropriate for a 16 year old. You can use it wen u can afford to buy it for yourself. I also grew up with drivers and helps. But I was very aware that d driver wasn’t my driver. And we grew up respecting staff we even called dem uncle and aunty. And you didn’t fall for those men becos you knew what london was like from age 0 but becos you had morals. Children are terribly over exposed these days and its terrible.

  24. portable-oge

    May 31, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Hmn,dont mind dem,dey want to be “happening” parents not knowing dey r spoiling dier kids!As for me,my daughters will carry deir natural hair till dey finish secondary school,if u dont like it,i will cut, no scrape it for u!indian hair ko,goat hair ni! mtschewwww!

  25. pynk

    May 31, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    I will keep saying this. Teach a child contenment, and all else is secondary. In my house u had to justify ur requests, and if it was because someone else had it, you werent getting it. simple and short. that 12 year old is losing a hairline and a sense of childhood b4 she even has a chance. i guess we are going to end up having a bunch of young women validated by their indian hair and not much else in the near future.

  26. Aibee

    May 31, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    I blame the parents for the disasters we are raising in the name of children nowaday. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to post links (I’m not so IT savvy) but how many of you read the story on yahoo a couple of days ago about the mother who didn’t know her daughter was having issues with doing her homework until the 8yr old girl was given a ‘Catastrophe Award’ by her class teacher for having the most excuses for not turning in her homework. The mother still had the nerve to blame the teacher for ’embarassing’ her daughter. How does a mother not know her 8yr old child does not do her homework?

    I see a lot of teenagers at Silverbird and Genesis at 10pm and I wonder what excuses they gave their parents to be out that late. Parents should take an interest in what their children get up to.

    You are a PARENT not a BUDDY.

  27. nteewa

    May 31, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    The bible says, train up a child the way he/she should go and when he/she grow up he will not depart from it, there is need given a child expensive hair or car for what. u make the child focus on expensive things, forget God 1st, school, book etc.

  28. nteewa

    May 31, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    no need given expensive things like: car, blackberry phone expensive hair do for the female child, etc, for a child under 20 yrs, a minor u spoil the child, just provide what u know is the basic things that will not make the child to go astray, and guide the child with the word of GOD.

  29. ephee

    May 31, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    this is relly a serious issue which if parents are not careful could ruin the future of the child. i have so many of them as cousins around me and today their parents ar not finding it funny. i thank God for my strict mum who raised me up. i was so sacred of my mum even til university days. she musnt find extra things asides from what she buys for u in ur possession or u must av very cogent evidence of who gave it to you and how u got it. the funnyest thing is my mum was mild on my two younger ones after me but due to the tough trainning i got i rebuked them and made sure they dont get spoilt and lazy.

  30. Temmy

    May 31, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    I wish my sister reads this cos slowly her children are getting spoilt and they can’t be corrected.

  31. Anon..

    May 31, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    Na wa oh! Sometimes I’m happy I did not grow up with all the luxuries cuz maybe I wont have turned out the way I turned out. My parents were too rich. I bought clothes once a year etc. Today, I am successful…I know the value of hard work since “making money and becoming relevant in life” was my motivation. The bible can never go wrong. Giving your kids material things is NOT the WAY to show them you love them. Rather you are destroying their lives. The last time I went to palms in Nig, I saw kids flaunting bbs and Ipads, I was like wow…Later you guys will wonder why children are failing in school. Parents need to wake up. Youngsters are going astray…having boyfriends, talking sex, wanting to grow up by force and doing stuff adults do. It is the responsibility of the parent to curb all these. Make time for your kids, teach them life-long values, watch the friends they move with, so that when they grow they will not become a problem to you. The word of God can never be wrong.

  32. Stephanie

    May 31, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    Yes,Parents have this overwhelming urge 2 please their kids but especially majority of the wealthy ones over-do it. For pete’s sake,there should be limits here…there’s time for everything oh!

  33. faith

    May 31, 2012 at 11:42 pm

    Till today, as am typing this comment, ♍γ̲̣̣̥ mum ȋ̊§ still spoiling ♍γ̲̣̣̥ 25yrs old younger brother…gives him money any how…I wonder wat will happen wen ♍γ̲̣̣̥ mum ȋ̊§ nolonger there(Godforbid)!he ȋ̊§ so lazy n I pity him!I blame ♍γ̲̣̣̥ mum!

  34. Angela

    June 1, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Goodness me!! Weave at 12 years! She will be bald by the time she is 18! Children need to be children and be taught how to entertain themselves without all these gadgets.

  35. Ebywonder

    June 1, 2012 at 9:59 am

    We

  36. Duchess

    June 1, 2012 at 10:14 am

    a weave on a 12yr old? a bb 5 for a teenager? some of these parents need to go for counselling…what is the justification behind that? i happen to be ‘co-mum’ as my mum calls me both to my siblings and to my 1st cousins and really! there are some boundaries that shouldnt be crossed….my 15yr old sis wont even dare of asking for a bb5…a moderate phone? yes…i mean after giving her the BB5 would you also be responsible for recharging it, paying for BIS and stuffs? how is that kid learning responsibility? it’s like giving a 13yr old a ferrari for a birthday present…how responsible is that child to know how to handle that car…the fuel, the maintenance etc…if u even give ME a ferrari, i’d sell it ‘sharpaly’ and invest the money in sth more profitable for me….Parents need to ask God for guidance…some parents over-compensate for their kids because they(parents) never had all these stuffs, so in the bid to my-child-will-not-go-through-the-same-poverty-i-went-through, they spoil these kids and then they become so spoiled n unmanageable for these parents and the next thing, they either send these kids to the States so ‘study’ so as to avoid the disciplinary responsibilities or they send the kids to schools like Covenant University ‘hoping’ that the school succeeds in what they failed….How on earth do you discipline a spoilt 18yr old who thinks the sun rises and sets on her head??????

  37. Ebywonder

    June 1, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Well, d issue here is not in giving ur child expensive things but its in inculcating WORK ETHICS and PROPER VALUE SYSTEM in them. Some parents are so wealthy dt some of these luxuries u mentioned here isn’t like too much for them to give to their kids. A man will live according 2 his level of wealth. Kids who r exposed to luxurious living and along with it, taught the importance of working to have, so as to be able to give back to society and to the needy, will never get life wrong. If love, selflessness & patience is taught to d child especially thru God’s. Word, they child would understand dt life is NOT about materialism! We know also that thru these modern gadgets d Child is exposed

  38. Ebywonder

    June 1, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Well, d issue here is not in giving ur child expensive things but its in inculcating WORK ETHICS and PROPER VALUE SYSTEM in them. Some parents are so wealthy dt some of these luxuries u mentioned here isn’t like too much for them to give to their kids. A man will live according 2 his level of wealth. Kids who r exposed to luxurious living and along with it, taught the importance of working to have, so as to be able to give back to society and to the needy, will never get life wrong. If love, selflessness & patience is taught to d child especially thru God’s. Word, they child would understand dt life is NOT about materialism! We know also that thru these modern gadgets d Child is exposed to all manner of people & info thru d net & phone. Afterall u can never know who d child talks 2 on his phones. He has a connection to d outside world dt d parents may not be able 2 control. Just like d TV & friends r all ready influences on a child’s life. D bottom line is: what have u taught ur child about these things? Have U put restrictions on what they can do or where they go & with whom? Have u taught then how to work? Are they actively engaged in house chores?[Children should be taught to tidy up their mess, dt house help is depriving u of d training ur child should have gotten for his future. Dts d starting point for teaching a child how to work to make a living!]. Has d child been taught dt if he wants those expensive things heshould be ready to work to get them? Financial intelligence(investing, making money) should be taught early in a child’s life. Dt way d child would imbibe all round discipline. Royalty & d very rich would always live like royalty. Can’t be stopped. A lot of us if our parents had so much money, they would have indulged us as much. Bottomline once more: children of d rich don’t need to be spoilt if they make out time to inculcate d right principles in them!

    • F

      June 2, 2012 at 8:41 pm

      This is the most intelligent and well balanced I have seen here. Thank you.

  39. F

    June 2, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    This is the most intelligent and well balanced response I have seen here. Thank you.

  40. sabrina

    June 16, 2012 at 6:19 am

    Truly,I don’t think a 12 years old should have weave-on.It makes dem look old.I have a 12yr old cousin staying with my mum and I and its my responsible to look after her.I am 26 and I make sure dat I behave myself once she is on holiday coz she picks up habits easily.I have come to learn dat as a parent u need to study ur child very well so dat u will make decisions for dem and sometimes give dem explanations for ur actions towards dem.I know d world is going all techy and we want our kids to move with trends.Teach dem d positive ways of using dese gadgets but things like mobile phones should be controlled coz I don’t see y I should give a bold 5 to a kid.We should also try to use the reward system for dem so dey know dat if u want something good u must work for it. Another thing is try to get dem involved with extra curricular activities and also church activities trust me these things help.Parenting is truly hard especially nowadays and as parents we need to be in charge coz truly d kids don’t know anything.

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