BN Prose: A Better Year By Lacomtessnoire

To Do or Not To Do

The thought swirls round my head as I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I hear the voices downstairs, some high and some pitched low as they chat happily. Laughter fills the air and I smile to myself.

Not a happy smile.

I smile darkly as I grip the knife in my hand.  I think back over the past year. My boyfriend left me for my best friend on our anniversary. Incredibly cliché I know;  but who would have thought it? All those nights of worrying about why he hadn’t called when he said he would; the days of wondering why he was always distracted. I had it all planned out, dinner and then we’d walk on the beach in the evening. We were half way through dinner when he said he was done. I told myself that I had to be strong but I’m tired of being strong. Men are unfaithful pigs. Even Daddy dearest!

My father has been hiding a son he had with one of his work colleagues from our family. Being the nosy bugger that I am, I found out while going through his emails. My heart had sunk when I saw the photos of the woman and the little boy. The little boy looks exactly like dear daddy.

Stupid errant tears drop on the counter in front of me. I wipe them away angrily. I don’t care. I am strong. I can deal with it.

What a lie.

Life itself is a lie. What’s the point of crying when I can do something about it?

Gripping the knife with one hand and the edge of the counter with the other, I lean forward and stare at my reflection once more. Brown eyes stare back at me. I look down taking in my appearance impassively. Short dark brown hair, chocolate skin, too thin body clad in a white vest top and loose grey bottoms.

Can I honestly go through with this?

Footsteps thud heavily up the stairs and I hold my breath as the move to the south side of the hall then pause. They come towards the bathroom and I hear a knock on the door.

‘Darling, you’ve been in there for ages. Are you okay?’  My mother’s shrill voice pierces through the silence.

I do not let go of the knife as I stare at the locked door through the mirror. It’s not like she can break down the door. I reply in a chirpy tone, ‘I’m fine mum, just trying to get my make-up done.’

‘Ok, hun. Well hurry up, we need to be out of this house in a couple of hours.’ Her footsteps fade as she walks back downstairs.

I smile again; there is no way I will be going anywhere anytime soon. Not ever again.

Finally, I glare at the stick on the counter in front of me. The kit stares insouciantly back at me, the positive line smirking.

I am pregnant. For the boyfriend who cheated on me.

Twenty-one, student and pregnant… I can imagine my mother’s heart breaking. I don’t want to think about Father, he’s not the picture of perfection but still…I am pregnant without being married.

How will I explain that I am not the virgin they believe I am? Funny as this sounds, all Nigerian parents believe or choose to believe that their daughters remain virgins till they marry.

Finally, how will I explain that the guy responsible for my pregnancy is not with me anymore? That I am going to be a single mother? The thought of abortion crosses my mind but I quickly discard it. As I do this a sharp bark of laughter is forced from my lips, life choices came with different types of sacrifice.

Yes, the past year has been dreadful and there is no way I can continue like this. I take a deep breath then exhale slowly. I mouth to my reflection, ‘Lord forgive me’ and I hold the knife aloft.

A sharp knock raps on the bathroom door.

I scowl angrily as I shout, ‘Who is it?’

‘It’s me, Ada. You need to hurry.’ My little sister’s voice calls out.

‘I said I’m coming, okay!’ I retort.

There is silence for a few seconds then her tiny voice says, ‘You need to hurry because your birthday will be over soon and I want to spend the last hour with you before church.’

This causes me to drop the knife with a clatter. She is just twelve years old. The only sister I have and I suppose I am the only role model she has. I cannot just leave her with my weak mother and philandering father.

I stare at my reflection as thoughts whirl through my head. It may have been a bad year but things can turn around. Everything is up to me. I have always been a fighter so why stop now?

I pick up the pregnancy kit and put it in my pocket. I pick up the knife as well.

‘I want to spend the last hour of my birthday with you too, my darling’.

Yes, it will be a better year.

Photo credit: recover-from-grief.com

25 Comments on BN Prose: A Better Year By Lacomtessnoire
  • Ogor September 25, 2012 at 11:19 am

    ….It will be a better year. It can be so hard to keep your head up. I know how she feels. Sigh.

  • Deiz September 25, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Taking ur life is never a solution to any problem, though there are times when u feel u cant take it any longer. Thank God u made the right decision. Nice prose.

  • Esther Akandu September 25, 2012 at 11:46 am

    My dear,life is full of ups & downs, only be patience 4 a while & d storw wil b ova, remain bless.

  • GEE September 25, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Mehn. . . . .it takes the grace of God to be that strong, well, taking your life shldnt be an option. Be strong and sooner than u expect, tyns myt just turn out well.

  • X factor September 25, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Fantastic……..Its a fight that ll be worth……..

  • abbolaji September 25, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Life is up & down endurance lead to success

  • Lue September 25, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    good thing you changed your mind. there are worse things in life than a cheating baby daddy and a lying father.
    http://lucianochinwe.blogspot.com/

  • Loisical September 25, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    One of my mottos in life is ‘it will pass!’. My ppl, whateva is happening surely has an end. B strong n wait it out

  • Retrochic September 25, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    i dont know why this story seems very cliche, ordinary and non-interesting, my story is a whole lot better, bella naija pls publish it+there is no reason to take your life, always be positive, situation’s can turn around

  • zionbabe says... September 25, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    no u for sharp sharp kill urself na…. ode oshi’ u no knw say dis life na per head’ over-coming ur weaknesses mks u a strong woman, my dear we live 1ce so pls live to the fulliest. brave up girly…

  • Priscy September 25, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    very touching…even if u give up on urself, always remember that God never gives up on us

  • efe September 25, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    it can and will only get better,it is not worth taking one’s life,that way leads to HELL,taking the life that GOD gave you,it is not an option.

  • Zeenie September 25, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Beautifully written…. Very touching too… Keep your head up no matter the circumstance and don’t give up…’this too shall pass’.

  • may September 25, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    To me this is exactly d phase am going through and seriously wat i do is dat i live one day@ a time cos i know God is watching and when i least expect my smile,joy and fulfillment will be returned 2me.

  • Otunba September 25, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    I am the father of her baby, i am really sorry. I didnt know suicide will ever cross your mind. Nene and I are finsihed now. Can we start over?

    • chike September 25, 2012 at 3:40 pm

      Are you for real, or is something similar happening to you in your life, go after her and dont let her loose her soul cos of you.

  • Onyinye September 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    trust me…..There are situations dat u will find urself and gladly kill urself, ve been there…..The only tin on my mind was “i cant go on like dis, what if’ what if’ ” Thank God for my friend, She will alwyz tel me “it will come to pass”. The only person that knwz the pain of a shoe is the wearer….So no matter what u re passing thru, i pray God see u thru as he saw me thru in my own tym and bless u wit friends dat will alwyz be there for u….

  • Keep it Simple. September 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    God never intended for our lives to be complicated. Keep your life simple.

  • Tessa September 25, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    If we look inside ourselves, we can find the strength to make the tough decisions and hold on to the values that make us who we are. It takes strength to not lose yourself in the crowd or to not back down from bullies and bullying behavior.

  • lilly September 25, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    wow!!! *tears rolling down my cheeks” Ada it will be a better year. This is will surely pass. Just know that life is full of ups and downs and when you are in your valley remember to keep your head high….xoxoxo
    ~Lilly~

  • StephanieIj (JauneLion) September 25, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    Time is such a healer really.. Never forget that.. No one can ever understand what you are going through because the combination of your experiences are unique to just you.. Just never forget that Time does heal..
    Lovely one Lacomtessnoire.

  • chinny September 26, 2012 at 9:24 am

    have it in mind dat better days lie ahead, learn from your mistakes. remember, once bitten twice shy. the good Lord is ur strength. You will live to tell the story.

  • ihuoma ken ohiorenoya September 26, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Phew! That was close.Didn’t even know I was holding my breath till she dropped the knife!I almost heard the clatter of the knife as it dropped.Beautiful narration.Its good to remember that nothing is as bad as it seems.

  • Olori October 2, 2012 at 2:02 am

    Beautiful… finally, a BN story with a happy ending. Thank You very much

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