Ariyike Writes: Wrap it Up! Protect Yourself Today

After I wrote my first article for BellaNaija, someone sent me a message on Facebook and she asked me to post it on BN. Here it goes:

“Dear Ariyike, after reading your article titled “the fever associated with relationships”, I just felt you would be the right person to talk to. I’m 25 years old and I’ve been in a relationship with a married man for the past 5years. He sent me to university and he takes care of all my siblings. We had protected sex for the first 3 months of our relationship but one day he said he wanted to “feel” me. In his words “baby please, just the tip”. I trusted him and decided to let him in. From then till date, we’ve been having unprotected sex. I never thought about STDs or HIV, my only worry was pregnancy. Now my only fear has become a reality. I am pregnant. When I broke the news of my pregnancy to him, I thought Demola would be excited because he’s been married and childless for 10 years and on several occasions, he had said this to me “I love you baby, I wish that ugly, barren woman would just die so that I can make you my wife”. In my excitement, I broke the news to him and his reaction surprised me – he was furious. He kept screaming “Don’t you know I’m married, do you want to destroy my home?”. That was the last time I set my eyes on him. Now, his phones are permanently switched off. When my friends heard about my pregnancy, they started talking about me behind my back. I even just found out that Demola was sleeping with a few of them. Now, I’m 6 months pregnant, a final year student at the Lagos State University (LASU) with no money. I’m very depressed, I already hate this baby even before it being born, but the only thing that makes me happy is that I’m not HIV positive. Please make sure you post this letter on your website so that people can learn from my story. Thank you, Bukola.”

I decided to post Bukola’s story in view of the World AIDS Day which took place on the 1st of December, and her story made me ask one question, “how many people actually have protected sex?” I asked a few people this question and majority of them admitted that they have unprotected sex because they are faithful to one partner. Here are some of the responses I got:

Precious: “Why would I use a condom when I know he’s my only sex partner and vice versa?“;

Femi: “Most people use condoms at the beginning of the relationship but when you guys get really close, you do away with the condoms and go skin deep

Tolu: “Duh, before nko? Infact, I even carry condoms in my bag so that when the guy says he doesn’t have, I bring out mine and I hand it over to him

Sandra: “Condom ko, condom ni. Abeg wetin be that one? *hiss* If he insists on condoms, it means he’s sleeping around, shikena!

Ahmed: “When it’s raw, it’s skin“;

Bisi: “I’m not into unprotected sex, it’s not just about STDs, it’s also about unwanted preggies and HIV

Foluke: “I’ve been married for 3years. However, when I was dating my husband, he said condoms made him lose his erection so we never used condoms while dating“;

Lucas P: “I only have unprotected sex with my wife. When it comes to other girls, I have protected sex. My wife once saw condoms in my wallet and I had to lie to her that the condoms were distributed at the office when a condom manufacturing company came to conduct a survey. That was what saved me from my wife’s wahala.

Adeolu: “Most times, I use the tip strategy by telling the girl I only want to use the tip to feel her. Then when I see she’s carried away, I zoom in and that’s how it goes.”

Ijeoma: “I’m in a serious relationship where my fiance would rather have sex without a condom because he says it’s more intimate. initially, I was a bit skeptical but abeg, I don’t want Lagos girls to snatch my bobo so yes, we have unprotected sex and I love it.“;

Hauwa: “It’s acceptable to use condoms but if you are in a relationship where your partner doesn’t use condoms and you find him with condoms, you’ll begin to think he’s unfaithful.

What’s my point? I’m not here to act like a saint or condemn anyone but always remember that “one night of pleasure could lead to a lifetime of sorrow and regrets.” Having unprotected sex is a no-no and it has more disadvantages than advantages. A lot of young people I’ve met in recent times are already having sex (with multiple partners) and guess what? Most of them don’t even use any form of protection. I believe most people in their 30s upwards are aware of the implications of having unprotected sex and they are old enough to make the proper decision but when it comes to People in their teens who shouldn’t even be having sex in the first place then it’s a serious problem. How does one educate these children on the implications of what they are doing?

Please share your honest opinion on this issue of unprotected sex. In as much as we all talk about HIV and other life threatening STDs, we all know that a lot of people still have unprotected sex with multiple partners – which can lead to the spread of numerous sexually transmitted diseases and HIV.

I look forward to hearing from you.

PS: You are all invited to my networking event where this same topic will be discussed. It’s the Best of Both Worlds networking cocktail party (BOBW) and it’s scheduled to hold on Wednesday the 12th of December at N-tyce lounge, Karimu Kotun, V.I from 6pm to 10pm. There will be comedy, open mic, a fashion show by Fab Lane, musical performances by M-thrill, Leo wonder, Blackmagic, Shadow D Don, Miss Bimi, Classiq, J Royalty (17 voices) and Ololade cucu and lots more. It will be hosted by the Soundcity VJs Adams, Pearl and Moet. Admission is free!
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Ariyike Akinbobola is a trained Lawyer turned TV Presenter/Producer at Spice TV, a fashion and lifestyle channel. She studied Law at the University of Lagos and was called to the Nigerian bar in 2006.With a diploma in T.V presenting from the prestigious London Academy of Media, film and T.V. She also organises a monthly event every first Wednesday of the month called “Best of Both Worlds” networking cocktail party. She’s married and blessed with children. Follow her on twitter @LadyAriyike to find out more.

60 Comments on Ariyike Writes: Wrap it Up! Protect Yourself Today
  • Kiz December 11, 2012 at 10:55 am

    my thoughts exactly, sex should be saved till marriage, then you wont need to have protection.

    • Awon ti Aberdeen December 11, 2012 at 8:55 pm

      GBAM… The simple, distilled truth …

      • ashani December 11, 2012 at 9:17 pm

        lol…”awon ti aberdeen” very cool name..hehe

  • Adeola Adepoju December 11, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Thank you ariyike, Keep up the good work. People shy away from the truth yet they complain bitterly about the repercussion of being careless

  • Sandra December 11, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Hmmmmmmn, this is scary on a whole new level. It makes me really really cynical about men sometimes. Someone like me who has sworn to be chaste before marriage, has been scoffed at, and I dont blame them really. You marry your husband a virgin, doesn’t guarantee that he will be faithful to you. It has made being in relationships really difficult, as I am yet to meet a guy who understands my resolve and appreciates it. I’m in my late twenties, but I am not giving up. I’m too strong for that, and I respect myself too much. I give myself to a guy, and he just walks on to the next person. Say wetin. With men in the past, I have made a clean break, with no residual anger or bitterness, and it has been relatively easy to move on. Sex they say muddles things. Never expereinced it, but I know those words must ring true. My prayer is that my efforts and struggles will be crowned with a decent and God fearing man. Abstinence from my perspective is the best solution (emphasis on my perspective). In the absence of abstinence, people wrap it up for pete’s sake. What kind of risk are you taking with your future. Married men/women that are cheating. The Lord is watching you o. You took vows, no one forced you too. Sex is not the be all and end all. Its not air, its not food. You will get to an age, where sex wont count anymore, but companionship, and by then you would have ruined any chance of happiness or peace of mind. If your marriage isnt working, that’s not an excuse, work on it or get a divorce. If you have kids, imagine how you will feel 20years down to line to hear your son -in -law is cheating on your daughter or daughter – in – law cheating on your son. Everytime you step out, you are not jsut cheating on your spouse, but on your children too. Like my boss says, be nice to your children now, because they will choose your retirement home.

    • msdezy December 11, 2012 at 2:35 pm

      God Bless You Sandra!!! You took the words right out of my mouth…keep holding on. God will definitely provide a man after His heart that would abstain with you till your vows.
      There is something fundamentally wrong with the Nigerian society. Since when did it become right to cheat on your wives?!? Please oh….what happened to the “wait till you are married” message. There’s a reason God made the rules this way. Sex is beyond pleasure, it’s a soul tie, it creates a bond between you and the person. It’s a covenant. Think about it-why is it sex that consummates a marriage?….God help us all!

    • AWEsome December 11, 2012 at 3:35 pm

      Chai Sandra!! God bless you. I dey wait till marriage too and God will see us through. I will not throw something so precious to DOGS who will not value it. Those that wait on the Lord shall NEVER be put to shame. cheers!!

    • Scorecard December 20, 2012 at 12:47 pm

      Hi Sandra,
      I am a 31 year old man. I sincerely share your sentiment on this issue but wish to share my experience with you so you can have a wider perspetive to your story. I have been in two serious relationships in my life. Both were virgins when I met them & left as virgins too. I cannot even remember kissing the first person for 2 years. Notwithstanding she walked away when I needed her most & her pastor won her heart.

      As for the second, we never had sex too partly because I live abroad and she resides back home but more importantly because of my self discipline. I had waited for nearly 28 years at the time, so I thought it just doesn’t worth it. I visited Nigeria at least twice a year and each time we were behind close doors & she becomes vulnerable to let go, then I’ll held on, preached no sex before marriage etc. I thought she appreciated it. I had imagined she’ll never traded me for anything else in the world. But she quited later when marriage plan was in the loop, blocked all means of communication & soon. She destroyed 10 years of friendship. Never knew any genuine reason till tomorrow.

      Today, I appear as the most foolish man in the eyes of my friends. Most of them are married. I mean happily married. They all had sex with their parners before marriage & somehow it worked well for them. They will often tell me the reasons for breakup in my relationships is nothing but lack of sex. Indeed, I have reasons to believe this sentiment. My point is simple. Your story isn’t peculiar to women alone. There are good guys out there, very competitive! I mean in the classical sense of the word & believe sex should be saved for a wedding night. I am proud to be one but it is yet to pay off.

      • Vivian December 24, 2012 at 2:39 pm

        It didn’t work out cos it wasn’t meant to be. Shikena

      • CEO January 8, 2013 at 9:47 pm

        I can tell you one thing. “Do not grow weary in well doing for in due season you shall reap if you faint not”. It’s never wrong to do the right thing. It is God that will reward you. Our goal should be to please God and do what is right in His sight instead of comparing yourself to others.

        I wish you all the best.

      • Nene January 9, 2013 at 9:34 am

        Scorecard, i’m proud of u… and all d people who have made a decision to be disciplined enough to wait… if sum1 doesnt love u, sex wud NEVER make d person stay. A relationship without sex is a step towards finding out wot true love really is. God was d one who made us, he always knows wots best for us.. so my advice is dont give up,dont give in, hold on to ur values..God wud send u a helpmate. Nothing gud comes easy. everything dt is called a ‘treasure” is kept under lock and key. If anyone has made their vagina less than wot God has made it to be, dts their bizness…and for all u girls who think sex wud make a man stay, keep leaving d door of ur vagina wide for any and everything to enter.

    • waiting too @27 December 22, 2012 at 9:04 am

      OMG…am happy to know there are ladies like you out there too. I have been in 2 relationships and during those periods I never went past second base and the men respected my decision. They said they rather have me that way than ending the relationship. Some men respect the decision without cheating (as far as I knew, lol..I investigate sometimes & they truly didn’t). I have learnt someone can love u without shagging you. No sex also makes it veeeeery easy for me to move on after a break up. I broke up with a bf of almost 4 yrs and I moved on so fast my friends were shocked.

    • Ade December 27, 2012 at 1:27 am

      I am in on that decision with you, i am in my early 30′s keeping up for my own man & trusting God he would be a man after his heart & we would both abstain and be faithful to the end BGG. God is not a wicked God if you keep urself he would bless you with a partner who does same.

  • JADE December 11, 2012 at 11:41 am

    When i met my present boify three years ago, i had just sworn off sex cos i just had a D n C which caused a break up , he chased me for months and i insisted on no sex at all, after a while i agreed on sex but with condom and the nigger said he doesnt do condoms, so we didnt sex for a while and i just capitulated. Its been that way for three years and its very unsafe :(

  • nana December 11, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    This article is just so accurate. Personally, first year of dating is strictly with the condoms but as time goes on, couples ( me n my bobo) hardly used protection which frankly feels like heaven. I know this is very wrong but we had to stop 6 months ago after we got tested. Its really scary because you never know. what if he cheats on me or I even cheat on him and don’t use protection ?. Having unprotected sex is a risk,we all have to be selfish with our lives.

  • newbie December 11, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Thumbs up to you, Arikiye – well thought out and well articulated piece. Thought provoking too…too many people who know about the implications of intercourse without protection are still indulging, no wonder HIV is spreading uncontrollably in our society at all levels – rich, poor, old, young, educated, illiterate.

    On another note, isn’t it funny how people claim that they ‘trusted’ a married man whom they are having an affair with? How can you trust a dishonest person – how incongruous!

  • maggie December 11, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    this article speaks the truth, how about the married ones that even cheat on their partners and bring diseases to their matrimonial homes ? I mean you wont use a condom with your husband when you can be on birth control pills if you are avoiding pregnancy. So how do those ones cope ? will you tell your husband to wrap it up with you when you think he’s playing ?

  • LL December 11, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    I was in two serious relationships before I got married and the thought of going unprotected was something I never could tolerate. The fact that STDs or pregnancy could occur was really too big a deal for me. It was recently I realised that it was sort of “normal” to have unprotected sex a few months into the relationship and the ladies who told me were surprised I didn’t see it that way. STDs can be very deadly and having a child outside wedlock can be traumatic for parents, particularly women and even the child while growing up, so why cause all that wahala when the sex might not even be fantastic? The fact that the trend is very high in Nigeria where we have very poor health facilities even call for much more worry. Thank Ariyike for this article. It needs to be talked about. If any man wants to “feel you”, he should “ring” you!

  • LL December 11, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    Sorry for the typos :(

  • Berry Choco-Latte December 11, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Wow @ the responses. I can’t even talk…

  • cathy December 11, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    thank and well said

  • maggie December 11, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    this article speaks the truth, how about the married ones that even cheat on their partners and bring diseases to their matrimonial homes ? I mean you wont use a condom with your husband when you can be on birth control pills if you are avoiding pregnancy. So how do those ones cope ? will you tell your husband to wrap it up with you when you think he’s playing ?

  • Benson December 11, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    social problem in our society.Young people see sex as food.Others see it as a way of life or something when you engage in you are seen as “you belong”Just bullshit.Noting is in sex except wahalla and and punishing the body and soul.Sweating in the room and at the end of the day no gain.I have been having sex for like 11 years now i did not see any gain i did not get certificate in sexology,so wat is the gain.The best ansswer to this wahalla is to try to zip up and remain calm till when you are married.Even when you are married you will be tire of it because by the time you leave very early in the morning and you come back in the night after surviving crazy traffic like most of us that work and live in the urban centres.Congo will be calling you to shine it you will not have the power to do it cos you are already damn tired.So zip up and be cool.

    • Purpleicious Babe December 11, 2012 at 6:16 pm

      loool a degree in sexytilogy………

      I think there is that deluded mentality that some have chosen to allow to eat them up.. which is “it wont be me”, it can’t be me, I will not get it etc etc. Well it is the same lie Devil inform of the snake told Eve, you will surely not die. Well in this case, devil which is the delusion side of humans tells you, you cant get it or you wont and keep feeding yourselves with lies and living in a world of stupidity and when reality comes knocking… well you will deal with it right? no pity, no pity…

      And, AIDS is not real oo, it is made up word by bunch of dudes that are jobless in whites coats. Cos afterall the billions invested into the campaign against UNPROTECTED SEX is surely a waste of time and effort. Its a SCARE, so lets not protect ourselves, let live in our own stupidness and be consumed by our ignorance, that is the legacy we are setting up for our generations and the ones to come. Besides, what to care? Life is too short…

      what a massive SHAME….

      Jesus is Lord but hey, whats my own……

      http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

  • Amazeballs! December 11, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    OMG!!!! I just died of laughter at Adeolu’s response!!!!! trickster! but it is a serious matter oh.

  • Doks December 11, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    You know what? This article/topic is so pregnant with content…

    1. We all know that pre-marital sex and marital infidelity are wrong and that Chastity is ALWAYS best. But why cant we accept that and live by that?

    2. Why have our societal & Godly values become so eroded that we are even willing to RISK our lives, reproductive health and families all for a few minutes of pleasure? It saddens me! Just show that you love YOURSELF by doing the right thing. If you dont care about boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/children/extended family, then do it for your own sake now. Haba

    3. Why are things now so bad that no only have young people thrown away their values on chastity, they have now “legalised” premarital sex? Once upon a time it was a taboo to be a non-virgin at your wedding; now, its almost as if the reverse is the case bcos you are actually scorned for your chastity. Even by so-called christians!

    We need a paradigm shift and it starts with us as individuals. We need to return to the days where parents actually TRAIN their children – teaching them values, godly traits, strenghth & depth of character, deternimation, self control, hard work etc. If not we stand the risk of raising a completely God-less & valueless generation. What will tomorrow be like if the “leaders of tomorrow” die on abortion tables today? or if they die of STDs today? Will our sons & daughters learn to be faithful in marriage if the we the parents of today indiscriminately defile our marriage beds?

    Please, it begis with us. When you teach your children/nieces/nephews/wards about sex please teach them ABSTINENCE and not how to use condoms. Pls teach your girls that you dont need to sleep with a guy to keep him coz he’s not worthy of yu if he has to de-vaule your “commodity” to satisfy himself. Pls teach them that any man who wants to “feel you” should indeed “ring it” as someone earlier said. Plsteach your boys that the glory of young men is in their strehgth and no good man should waste his seed and indulge in women of loose virtues.

    Lets us wake up and snatch ourselves and the future generations form decadence and the clutches of satan pls!!!

  • DR December 11, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Sexually transmitted diseases Includes (Chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea,herpes,genital wart, HIV and the rest) there is no such thing as STD AND HIV. its all included.

  • Ada December 11, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    This topic continues to frustrate me. As generations are passing by, people are becoming more and more senseless. There is no guy or girl that is “fine” enough or any “I’m in love” feeling in the world that should cause you to lose your senses and continuously partake in unprotected sex. People are too loose and promiscuous these days for you not to take necessary precautions to protect yourself, your health, and your loved ones. Please remember people STDs are too real. HIV, which can develop into AIDS that you can DIE from, is too real! Please check out my post on this very topic on my blog! http://www.adainprogress.blogspot.com

  • Anonymous December 11, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    Hi Ariyike, longest time. I decided to stay anonymous because some comments i am about to make might insight a riot on my facebook and I need to be able to say my mind. Sex without protection is a huge gamble for guys and girls. For guys, you claim you want to be more intimate, that the condom interferes with the feeling but when you get STD or HIV you start to cuss. Who sent you on the journey of pleasure in the first place? If you want to be in such a relationship then stay faithful to one partner, test yourselves regularly and enjoy your condom free sex life. But Girls, Girls, Girls, How many times did I call you? Pull your ears and pay close attention. When all is said and done, you are one your own, unless the guy has a good heart or loved you a little. If you allow a guy to sleep with you without using protection and then cry foul when you get pregnant then you must be a master FOOL. In this day and age, is condom the only means of protection?? There is the emergency pill for use within 72 hours of unprotected sex, and if the unprotected sex is happening on a regular there are other pills or patches that you can make use of. But instead you think the guy owes you something. He does not owe you shit, you were well aware of the consequences when you slept with him. His failure to use protection is not your cue to throw caution to the wind and leave all to chance. With STDs its the same deal, if you are worried about catching something, have you and your partner tested on a regular basis. Not sit down and cry when shit hits the fan.
    Girls, keep in mind that guys have a lot less to lose in a pregnancy. Think with your brain and dont be a victim of your stupidity. We have to realise in our generation that is not about the person that impregnated the girl, its about the girl that allowed herself to be impregnated. If you cant take the heat, dont do the crime.

  • Undisclosed in USA December 12, 2012 at 1:59 am

    Ariyike,

    Please let your OP know that she is not the only woman in her situation.

    I gave birth to a baby girl late last year. She is the daughter of a Nigerian diplomat to an African country. I was lied to for three years by this man. He professed wanting a serious relationship from the moment we met, but I stayed away from him for several reasons. Over time, there was no evidence of a woman/wife in the house he occupied while in the States and he was persistent. Slowly but surely he wore me down until there I was considering relocating to Nigeria for him, having babies for him, and becoming his wife. Mind you, I consider myself an independent woman, unwilling to depend on others for anything I can do/get for myself. However he became my downfall the minute he had me believing I could lean on him.

    We only had sex ONCE — one of his last nights in the USA as he prepared to return to Nigeria to be reassigned. That was also the last time I saw him. A condom was not involved because….I got lost in the heat of the moment. Anyone can lose themselves as emotions intensify. I was also sick/unhealthy at the time so I thought it impossible to get pregnant. Stupid me! The biggest mistake I made was not taking the consequences of unprotected sex seriously. Situations like mine are what the Morning After (Emergency) Pill are made for.

    I don’t make any excuses for myself or my behavior that night. There are many lessons I’ve learned and many mistakes I will NEVER make again. No woman wants to think of herself having an abortion, raising a child out of wedlock, or giving up her child for adoption. Yet it happens over and over and over again — unnecessarily. Modern medicine has made it possible to avoid such situations but we all like to think “That can’t happen to me!” No woman is exempt and no one is infallible!

    Please ladies, open your ears! Young girl, close your legs! Do everything you can to avoid unplanned pregnancies and ensure your good health — mentally, physically, and emotionally.

  • ada December 12, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Currently cheating on my husband with a married man cos my hubby doesn’t satisfy me ….

    • Nneka February 15, 2013 at 8:32 pm

      My first thoughts on your comment was,”Oya clap for yourself, onye nzuzu!” ….But I guess if I am going to say anything to you I might as well share something more beneficial…
      I don’t know what the problem is… not enough acrobatics in bed? erectal issues?…But if you haven’t done so, you need to have ‘that’ talk with your husband and your approach should be one of loving concern, not criticism.

  • jyde December 12, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Your lover told you he “wished his barren wife would die” and u didnt run,instead u bacame excited. U try.U do well sef. I hail u O.
    And women say we guyz dey wicked.
    Ok now.
    I salute you well O.No say i dey yab u,but sis. Really babygirl?
    I close mouth joor.

    • immathrowup December 13, 2012 at 3:34 pm

      lol……my thought exactly

  • jyde December 12, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    One last thing i beg,coz its getting a bit shabby and sad when our women,educated ones at that,to very high standards,come off with this,”i got preggers by mistake”.
    Im a man and know how to calculate an ovulation day/date/period wetin una wan call am.
    Do i need to open biology class?
    Mistake no dey inside belleO. Dats why we sqeeze face an drag your arses to the clinic.
    i close mouth.

    • ano December 17, 2012 at 8:21 pm

      Gbam!!!!!!!

    • Mayflower December 18, 2012 at 1:31 pm

      I am not in any way making an excuse for an unwanted pregnancy but have you ever heard of irregular periods?? sometimes, a girl can have irregular periods and it affects her ovulation period as well so wassup?? Abstinence is the ONLY WAY out of STDs and unwanted pregnancy.

  • Beenie December 12, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Well…talking as a Nigerian,people see the idea of ‘no sex before marriage’ as the truth only meant for girls ,people never think of that rule applying to guys which is wrong.Now if you were to be born in some other African countries other than Nigeria,sex is like food and water to them,it’s nothing.if u were to be born in the carribeans,it is nothing or even France where even couples are entitled to having mistresses.I have noticed that the African contries colonized by British colony are a bit reserved while the ones colonized by French or Portugal are different.Not to talk out of point,in this age insisting on no sex before marriage to people will only make things worse.i think the best thing is to make more emphasis on methods of protection,educate both guys and girls on consequences of not doing that.if u decide to wait till u are married,good for you,it will save you from the urges to satisfy (doesn’t make ur husband to love u more or not to cheat if he wants to).just pray u get a good one,cos i know of a lady that got married as a virgin but still had HIV contracted from the husband.Being married doesn’t 100%ntly means u are free,u still need to watch out.People should please drop this ‘innocent’ feelings and talk.Young girls need help,they need someone to talk to cos a lot still is going on.

  • Abimbola Dare December 12, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Well written article, friend. This is packed with a lot of points for discussion. I know its easier said than done, but my stance on this is that the unmarried should try as much as they can ( with God’s help), save sex for marriage. That said, there is a dire need to educate people especially as we find that an increasing number of marriages are marred by unfaithfulness; many young people are “sampling” before getting married; * which may also have devastating emotional consequences way beyond STD’s). God help our generation.

  • birdieblue22 December 13, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Honestly tired of this conversation walahi?. Its like we all know the answer to the problem but we allow the devil use our friends, the society, our insecurities anything!! to trick us. I cant judge cause I know I’m not a saint all I pray is to see the way out God puts during every “temptation episode” sexual or otherwise. I am glad though that the subject of the article isn’t HIV positive and she kept her baby and pray she grows to love her and do good for them both no matter what the world thinks of her. As for Adeolu and Lucas P thunder fire you nonsense!!!!!!

  • Née December 19, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    If you wanna have sex do it and protect yourself. If the only reason you are keeping your virginity is for religious reasons, good for you. If na make ur husband respect you. Walahi, u don miss am o. My 2 cents.

  • Scorecard December 20, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Hi Sandra,

    I am a 31 year old man. I sincerely share your sentiment on this issue but wish to share my experience with you so you can have a wider perspetive to your story. I have been in two serious relationships in my life. Both were virgins when I met them & left as virgins too. I cannot even remember kissing the first person for 2 years. Notwithstanding she walked away when I needed her most & her pastor won her heart.

    As for the second, we never had sex too partly because I live abroad and she resides back home but more importantly because of my self discipline. I had waited for nearly 28 years at the time, so I thought it just doesn’t worth it. I visited Nigeria at least twice a year and each time we were behind close doors & she becomes vulnerable to let go, then I’ll held on, preached no sex before marriage etc. I thought she appreciated it. I had imagined she’ll never traded me for anything else in the world. But she quited later when marriage plan was in the loop, blocked all means of communication & soon. She destroyed 10 years of friendship. Never knew any genuine reason till tomorrow.

    Today, I appear as the most foolish man in the eyes of my friends. Most of them are married. I mean happily married. They all had sex with their parners before marriage & somehow it worked well for them. They will often tell me the reasons for breakup in my relationships is nothing but lack of sex. Indeed, I have reasons to believe this sentiment. My point is simple. Your story isn’t peculiar to women alone. There are good guys out there, very competitive! I mean in the classical sense of the word & believe sex should be saved for a wedding night. I am proud to be one but it is yet to pay off.
    As for the second, we never had sex too partly because I live abroad and she resides back home but more importantly because of my self discipline. I had waited for nearly 28 years at the time, so I thought it just doesn’t worth it. I visited Nigeria at least twice a year and each time we were behind close doors & she becomes vulnerable to let go, then I’ll held on, preached no sex before marriage etc. I thought she appreciated it. I had imagined she’ll never traded me for anything else in the world. But she quited later when marriage plan was in the loop, blocked all means of communication & soon. She destroyed 10 years of friendship. Never knew any genuine reason till tomorrow.

    Today, I appear as the most foolish man in the eyes of my friends. Most of them are married. I mean happily married. They all had sex with their parners before marriage & somehow it worked well for them. They will often tell me the reasons for breakup in my relationships is nothing but lack of sex. Indeed, I have reasons to believe this sentiment. My point is simple. Your story isn’t peculiar to women alone. There are good guys out there, very competitive! I mean in the classical sense of the word & believe sex should be saved for a wedding night. I am proud to be one but it is yet to pay off.

    • nkem December 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm

      Oh my!
      i love your story, decided to be chaste till marriage and it seems not to pay off……nkemdaisy@gmail.com. drop me an email.

    • jyde December 22, 2012 at 5:50 pm

      Broda u try O. 28YEARS no rockin?
      omo I hail u O.
      No wonder the babes dem miss.
      I no blame dem.
      After Holdin hands and quoting bible for ten years,im sure they are still running.

  • Betty December 26, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Scorecard !I’m impressed to say d least..pls do drop me an email(ogadi@ymail.com)

  • Janey January 1, 2013 at 11:16 pm

    Scorecard
    i bow for u o!, at this age and time a man ur age tell me he is a virgin, na 440 i go run hoo-haa.
    my bf is married his wife as a virgin yet he stills runs to me for fantastic time out in 5star hotels, ofcos he always begs me not to use condom, but this nwada aint fooling herself at all

    • To janey January 8, 2013 at 7:43 pm

      See your life, see your life. Someone with no morals, making fun of someone that has morals. Only in this sinful world we live in will such happen. On new year’s day for that matter, a day to reflect on your life and promise to do better, you are typing that you are sleeping with a married man. Thunder fire you. Your ex is using you, and you are allowing him. You are worth nothing in his eyes, today he can drop you and pick the next slut who will open his legs for him. That’s all you are good to him for, sex. he sleeps with you and still goes home to his wife. If you were good enough, or you were worth more or you had value in his eyes, he would have married you. So keep living your worthless life. The day will come when you will look around and you’ll be alone. Your ex will have a wife and family, you’ll be the outsider. Alone and over used.

  • Data Analyst Izzi says.. January 2, 2013 at 8:48 am

    @ Ada….u don talk this thing before ohhhhhhhh. 2013 is here…..please try and stop biko.

  • jyde January 3, 2013 at 10:55 pm

    Hey Izzi,maybe we should hook up ADA and SCORECARD. That way one unsatisfied wife can teach mr 2old 2b virgin how to rock.
    That way ada doesnt cheat anymore as she is performing a charitable act,and secondhand virgin scorecard doesnt have to wait till he goes to heaven before he enjoys the sweets of life.
    Afterall it is still the season of goodwill.

    • smh you’re mad lol January 8, 2013 at 9:48 am

      na SANDRA and SCORECARD dat need hook up!!

      abeg Sandra come collect your hubby o

      di guy try twice

      he should have left an email sef smh

  • titolicious January 7, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    Hang in there, Scorecard. Dont listen to scoffers like Jyde. God’s grace is more than sufficient for you.

  • Scorecard January 8, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    Jyde,

    I want to believe you’re only displaying your sense of humour & not a plain contemptuous rudeness & insult. ‘The thought of someone else performing a charitable act’ suggests you’ve wrongly assumed being a virgin means ‘weakness’.

    My dear, if I wanted to paint the town red, the world is at my feet. It’s a matter of discipline, nothing more! I don’t mean to be proud but I will give you a brief info about my personality. I live & work in the heart of London & was opportune to study in one of the best uni’s in the world. I am also lucky to have a very good professional job which tailors in line with my degree. I am 6.2 feet tall, dark chocolate & fairly successful young man. I meet pretty & classic ladies all the time, both the good & the bad- I have them all as friends. The decision not to play balls is a long time self discipline. Even though the temptation to do it comes every now & then, I just feel I have come a long way.

    Am sure u understand my point that no need for someone to perform ‘a charitable act’ as I have more than enough options if I want to. That expression alludes a literal blow to my face as a stinging insult but notwithstanding there’s a possibility you only met it as a joke.

    Anyhow, thanks guys for your comments!

    • To Scorecard January 8, 2013 at 7:40 pm

      Shu, no need for life history na. I never believed in cyber bullying until I read your comment. Now I am feeling bad for all those poor people i made fun of, after hearing their ordeal with cyber bullying. What someone who does not know you, and probably never will says should never affect you. You didn’t have to come back to justify your stance. People like Jyde cover up their weaknesses by making fun of others. I love the response someone gave to him on Denrele’s post. Whomever it is basically shut him up, he hasn’t come back to reply the person. So just ignore him and keep the faith. The Lord has a way of blessing people. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Sex is designed for marriage, for both men and women. You have the rest of your lives to explore sexually with your wife. You should feel pride within yourself that you are a minority. You are special and unique and most of all rare. Leave all these common people alone, including that idiot Janey, being proud of sleeping with a married man. making herself worthless every time she does it. if you were good enough, he would have married you, that says something. Mschew

  • CEO January 8, 2013 at 9:52 pm

    I can tell you one thing. “Do not grow weary in well doing for in due season you shall reap if you faint not”. It’s never wrong to do the right thing. It is God that will reward you. Our goal should be to please God and do what is right in His sight instead of comparing yourself to others.

    I wish you all the best.

  • Ade January 11, 2013 at 9:18 pm

    @ CEO and others who are doing things God’s way. God bless you. Scorecard, as CEO quoted “Do not grow weary in well doing for in due season you shall reap if you faint not”. It’s never wrong to do the right thing. It is God that will reward you. Our goal should be to please God and do what is right in His sight instead of comparing yourself to others”.

    Remember, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

  • realist January 13, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    ts cheaper to buy condoms than train a child, guy if you cn’t use a condom with me no sex niyen, shikena!

  • LesBeau January 22, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    The only reason i’m writing this is for that silly young lady sleeping with her ex…for crying out loud he is married..if he really loved you, you should be the one in his house serving him sex as food morning ,afternoon and evening.. Lady you have alot of work to do on yourself..you need to build your self esteem and think about your life in general..because i can bet you your ex sees you as his WHORE..which means you are worthless and good for one thing “sex” (Which might not be so bad if prostitution is your profession..lol) . If you broke up with ur ex for some reason, then you should get yourself together and move on..I need you to remember, “what goes around comes around” Your husband will definitely sleep around!!!!!
    I am a 23 years old single lady and my kind of job exposes me to alot of MEN…and it saddens my heart how married men in particular seriously chase after young girl for reasons i still dont understand( I would appreciate if a married man helps me out).
    I am a virgin and i will keep it that way till marriage by God’s grace and i’m happy i’m not the only virgin on earth…lol…sincerely the pressure is crazy but i think my background and the people around me has helped me to become the woman i am today.
    @ ScoreCard..it is almost unbelievable guyz like you exist..God be with you and strengthen you..bcos i can imagine the temptation..my advice is try as much as possible to communicate with your partners so they understand and can share your values.plus some women are insecure and may feel you are not sexually involved with them because you dont find them attarctive enough..or they might just think you are “not capable” of sex…

  • jayla January 22, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    very intresting comments, now i wish someone would help me out here, i’ve been dating my bf for 4yrs i’m 23 and still a virgin, but now he wants to have sex! He says he’s getting frustrated and i’ve always been a “wait till marriage” kinda person, i’m both confused and confused, I know he loves me and has never cheated on me but i’m just not ready to give it up yet, we’ve talked and talked and he’s getting more and more frustrated, I love him with every fiber in me and i really dunno what to do! His friends have yabbed him soo much i feel sad for him now, and somehow i’m thinking about giving it up but deep down i’m not ready. Everybody says ‘don’t do it’

    • Olori May 9, 2013 at 11:52 am

      You know in your heart what is right. You know you deserve better than to be used as an object for quenching ur boyfriend’s passions. If you have already waited this long, it would be a shame if you give it up just because he can’t wait any longer. He telling you that his friends tease him for not having sex with you is so disrespectful on it’s own. Tell him to have sex with his teasing friends if he can’t wait. You owe it to yourself to carry this through till the end.
      If you ever let that caged animal lose, you will never be able to get it back in the cage. Decide in your heart and pray to God for grace. He is proud of how far you’ve come. Don’t disappoint Him.

  • bb January 28, 2013 at 8:39 am

    Am saving myself till marriage, yes I have had sex before, bt to what end, seemed like
    The cool thing to do @ the time, uni life et al. It isn’t worth it at all, beem celebate for 2 yrs nw,
    Old things ave passed away all this r made new in Christ Jesus. No marriage no sex.
    Men r selffish they only think of there pleasure nt urs, they will use love to decive u. My sis got married only to dicover she was hiv postive..becos of love love R/ship wit a man that wasn’t
    Faithful, babes biko zip up. Any man that won’t stay without sex shld go. It is nt
    Worth it. @ scorecard keep it up..u give hope to a lot of us, dat there r stilll good guys out there.

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