After I wrote my first article for BellaNaija, someone sent me a message on Facebook and she asked me to post it on BN. Here it goes:
“Dear Ariyike, after reading your article titled “the fever associated with relationships”, I just felt you would be the right person to talk to. I’m 25 years old and I’ve been in a relationship with a married man for the past 5years. He sent me to university and he takes care of all my siblings. We had protected sex for the first 3 months of our relationship but one day he said he wanted to “feel” me. In his words “baby please, just the tip”. I trusted him and decided to let him in. From then till date, we’ve been having unprotected sex. I never thought about STDs or HIV, my only worry was pregnancy. Now my only fear has become a reality. I am pregnant. When I broke the news of my pregnancy to him, I thought Demola would be excited because he’s been married and childless for 10 years and on several occasions, he had said this to me “I love you baby, I wish that ugly, barren woman would just die so that I can make you my wife”. In my excitement, I broke the news to him and his reaction surprised me – he was furious. He kept screaming “Don’t you know I’m married, do you want to destroy my home?”. That was the last time I set my eyes on him. Now, his phones are permanently switched off. When my friends heard about my pregnancy, they started talking about me behind my back. I even just found out that Demola was sleeping with a few of them. Now, I’m 6 months pregnant, a final year student at the Lagos State University (LASU) with no money. I’m very depressed, I already hate this baby even before it being born, but the only thing that makes me happy is that I’m not HIV positive. Please make sure you post this letter on your website so that people can learn from my story. Thank you, Bukola.”
I decided to post Bukola’s story in view of the World AIDS Day which took place on the 1st of December, and her story made me ask one question, “how many people actually have protected sex?” I asked a few people this question and majority of them admitted that they have unprotected sex because they are faithful to one partner. Here are some of the responses I got:
Precious: “Why would I use a condom when I know he’s my only sex partner and vice versa?“;
Femi: “Most people use condoms at the beginning of the relationship but when you guys get really close, you do away with the condoms and go skin deep“
Tolu: “Duh, before nko? Infact, I even carry condoms in my bag so that when the guy says he doesn’t have, I bring out mine and I hand it over to him“
Sandra: “Condom ko, condom ni. Abeg wetin be that one? *hiss* If he insists on condoms, it means he’s sleeping around, shikena!“
Ahmed: “When it’s raw, it’s skin“;
Bisi: “I’m not into unprotected sex, it’s not just about STDs, it’s also about unwanted preggies and HIV“
Foluke: “I’ve been married for 3years. However, when I was dating my husband, he said condoms made him lose his erection so we never used condoms while dating“;
Lucas P: “I only have unprotected sex with my wife. When it comes to other girls, I have protected sex. My wife once saw condoms in my wallet and I had to lie to her that the condoms were distributed at the office when a condom manufacturing company came to conduct a survey. That was what saved me from my wife’s wahala.“
Adeolu: “Most times, I use the tip strategy by telling the girl I only want to use the tip to feel her. Then when I see she’s carried away, I zoom in and that’s how it goes.”
Ijeoma: “I’m in a serious relationship where my fiance would rather have sex without a condom because he says it’s more intimate. initially, I was a bit skeptical but abeg, I don’t want Lagos girls to snatch my bobo so yes, we have unprotected sex and I love it.“;
Hauwa: “It’s acceptable to use condoms but if you are in a relationship where your partner doesn’t use condoms and you find him with condoms, you’ll begin to think he’s unfaithful.“
What’s my point? I’m not here to act like a saint or condemn anyone but always remember that “one night of pleasure could lead to a lifetime of sorrow and regrets.” Having unprotected sex is a no-no and it has more disadvantages than advantages. A lot of young people I’ve met in recent times are already having sex (with multiple partners) and guess what? Most of them don’t even use any form of protection. I believe most people in their 30s upwards are aware of the implications of having unprotected sex and they are old enough to make the proper decision but when it comes to People in their teens who shouldn’t even be having sex in the first place then it’s a serious problem. How does one educate these children on the implications of what they are doing?
Please share your honest opinion on this issue of unprotected sex. In as much as we all talk about HIV and other life threatening STDs, we all know that a lot of people still have unprotected sex with multiple partners – which can lead to the spread of numerous sexually transmitted diseases and HIV.
I look forward to hearing from you.
PS: You are all invited to my networking event where this same topic will be discussed. It’s the Best of Both Worlds networking cocktail party (BOBW) and it’s scheduled to hold on Wednesday the 12th of December at N-tyce lounge, Karimu Kotun, V.I from 6pm to 10pm. There will be comedy, open mic, a fashion show by Fab Lane, musical performances by M-thrill, Leo wonder, Blackmagic, Shadow D Don, Miss Bimi, Classiq, J Royalty (17 voices) and Ololade cucu and lots more. It will be hosted by the Soundcity VJs Adams, Pearl and Moet. Admission is free!
Ariyike Akinbobola is a trained Lawyer turned TV Presenter/Producer at Spice TV, a fashion and lifestyle channel. She studied Law at the University of Lagos and was called to the Nigerian bar in 2006.With a diploma in T.V presenting from the prestigious London Academy of Media, film and T.V. She also organises a monthly event every first Wednesday of the month called “Best of Both Worlds” networking cocktail party. She’s married and blessed with children. Follow her on twitter @LadyAriyike to find out more.