BN Prose: Afterwards by Arit Okpo

Walking home afterwards, Adaeze was surprised that everything seemed so normal. The sun was still shining, people were still walking up and down, the regular hubbub of a bustling city continued around her with no ebb.

It surprised her though in some way that she could not explain. It brought what had happened home to her; made her realise how insignificant she was in the grand scheme of things. Because something should have stopped if she mattered, the sun should have disappeared or the people should have run screaming to their homes; something should have happened.

She reached within her for an emotion. She looked for anger or even pain, but all she felt was emptiness. This puzzled her, and she had seen the same puzzlement in his eyes as he waited for recriminations and got silence in return. What was there to say? For her to be angry at him, it would have to have been his fault. But was it his fault when she had decided to stop by his house on her way to the market – just to greet him she had said to herself. Was it his fault that when he had offered her a seat and then a drink, that she had ignored her earlier set visit duration of only 5 minutes and settled down? Was it his fault when he had told her how attractive he thought she was and she had smiled in shy acceptance of his statement?

She would like to say that what happened had been totally unexpected but maybe she was hoping that this would happen when he came to sit beside her. And even if she was ignorant at first, she certainly wasn’t ignorant when he started to kiss her. She had curved her neck and closed her eyes as his kiss burned fire down her body.

She had started to become alarmed when he pulled up her skirt, had started to struggle as he pulled his boxers down – had he been wearing only boxers all along? When her struggles didn’t move him she had started to beg; hating herself for the pleading note in her voice as she told him “Osas, I’m not ready for this, I don’t think I’m ready, I don’t want this” and then “Please stop Osas, please”. She had realised what was happening when without a word, he had bent her over the bed in the room that she used to think was so beautifully decorated and then spread her legs apart. Hating herself even more she had asked quietly “Please use a condom”.

He had turned and gotten a condom from the bedside table. A part of her mind marvelled at the fact that he was able to roll it on using only one hand while the other held her down. As she recognized what was happening, this same part of her mind took over and turned it into a movie. She stood there numbly, moving her feet farther apart when he nudged them, bending her head lower as he pushed it, grabbing for balance with her elbows as his thrusts threatened to knock her off her feet. She wondered absentmindedly how long it was going to take and tried not to flinch as his hand pushed her bra aside to fondle her breasts.

She thought to herself of how many times she had had this discussion with her friends “If any man tries it” she would say “I will injure him, scratch him, hurt him” Funny how she’d never imagined it could happen with a guy she liked. Funny how she’d never imagined it could happen period.

He had collapsed on her back when he was done. And she stayed there, waiting for him to lift himself off her body so that she could pick up her dignity together with her underwear.

No words; she had put on her underwear, straightened her clothes and then picked up her bag in total silence. When he offered her the latest season of the series she had talked to him about previously; she had collected it silently and asked herself if this was the payment for what had just happened; her compensation.

That was when he asked her if she was angry. She had shaken her head quietly. Why should she be angry she asked herself, when it was she who had brought herself to his home?

Adaeze figured that she should be angry; she had read all the literature. It’s not your fault they blared. Was this the case if the girl had been hoping for it she wondered? Probably not. The right to anger was for the ones who were ambushed by random men on their way home; for the ones who fought and screamed and scratched and left their assailants with reminders of the encounter in the form of angry welts and bruises. Not for people like her; for people that stood there numbly, for people who accepted it quietly; this was all her fault.

As she walked home, Adaeze reflected on how normal everything still seemed. She was supposed to feel shattered, empty, angry. All she felt was cheap and worthless and very very stupid.

She still felt perfectly normal when she walked into her bedroom; still perfectly normal as the tears began to stream down her face. As she curled up in a ball and cried her heart out, she couldn’t for the life of her figure out why she was crying.

Photo Credit: huffingtonpost.co.uk

97 Comments on BN Prose: Afterwards by Arit Okpo
  • Awwww November 26, 2013 at 9:19 am

    Like… Im just…. *speechless* Brb for my real comment

  • Africhic November 26, 2013 at 9:28 am

    This resonates deeply with me. Excellent prose Arit, you could be telling my story.

  • tobee November 26, 2013 at 9:30 am

    Being ready and PREPARED is d way against regrets nd dissappointments. Girls shd try to be sensible wenever they re wth d opposite sex especially wen the guy isn’t as morally inclined as the lady described above.its beta not to even entertain romance atal.

  • Quirky November 26, 2013 at 9:31 am

    This is absolutely wonderful.. it tells a tale of what most girls have gone through and they don’t regard it as rape.. love it.

  • ursula November 26, 2013 at 9:32 am

    lovely piece…sadly this happens too often and then she cant speak out cos the world would say its her fault. but then is it really? i dont understand most times when a man wont respect the wishes of a lady…is it ‘stop it i like it’ they call it these days…God forgive us all…

  • Tosin November 26, 2013 at 9:49 am

    :( oouch

  • Queen November 26, 2013 at 10:14 am

    I can totally relate to this :(

    • whocares November 26, 2013 at 11:20 am

      I am sorry you can relate to this. Hopefully you have forgiven yourself (not that there is anything to forgive in my book, but those negative feelings that come with it) let them go, it wasn’t your fault, but the animal with no self control. x. if it helps, I hope the dude gets castrated by goats (the imagery is not that pretty in my head too, but it sounds painful enough)

      • Storm November 26, 2013 at 1:56 pm

        Goats don’t have sharp enough teeth. Lots of newly hatched
        alligators might be better

  • JEWELZ November 26, 2013 at 10:35 am

    Ooops! Talk about walk of shame..but such is life.

  • sweettemmy November 26, 2013 at 10:37 am

    woooooooooow, i know this

  • BN@work November 26, 2013 at 10:51 am

    Me too

    • Slimgirl November 28, 2013 at 7:36 pm

      Something similar also happened to me 6 years ago. I still
      feel deeply ashamed at the thought of it… Despite the years the
      shame remains strong.

  • ad November 26, 2013 at 11:22 am

    No be she take her leg waka go dia? Abeg, we should teach ladies about self preservation, no dey waka anyhow without company to go visit one Bros down the street.
    The world is too dangerous for sweet innocent 16
    Eeeeeeeyah!

    • Mz Socially Awkward... November 26, 2013 at 12:09 pm

      Shut your pie-hole you ignorant nitwit. I’ve said it before and will say it again, I rejoice greatly when I hear stories of Naija Brothas (& I use that term very loosely) who are languishing in UK prisons as guests of Her Majesty simply because they arrive on these shores with the same crude perception that every woman equals an available vagina. So they go to a club, pick some drunk oyibo babe up, rush her back to their flats and into their bedroom, ignore her slurred refusals and guess who the police come and pick-up the following day after the babe eye don clear?? NO MEANS NO, you better get that into all your impenetrable skulls. If you must penetrate something, buy a blow up doll.

      Arit, beautifully written. Well done.

      • Yaw November 26, 2013 at 2:39 pm

        Re you for real? She asked the dude to use a condom and from what I read, she was not intoxicated. **hating herself for the pleading note in her voice as she told him “Osas, I’m not ready for this, I don’t think I’m ready, I don’t want this” and then “Please stop Osas, please** She wouldn’t have used such tone if she wasn’t interested.

      • Mz Socially Awkward... November 26, 2013 at 6:08 pm

        I see. So, in your personally held opinion:-
        1. Intoxication needs to have pre-faced any entitlement she had to say “No”;
        2. Deciding that she didn’t want his violating penis to either get her pregnant or pass on any STDs greatly reduces any chance for her “No” to be taken seriously;
        3. These facts coupled with your own interpretation of this story has clearly revealed to you that she must have been “interested”.

        Did I leave anything out? And to answer the inference you’ve obviously made from the example I used, that was just one scenario of how your Nigerian brothers have landed in jail for the same offence. Drunk girls or no drunk girls, the bastards still get charged with rape…

      • slice November 27, 2013 at 3:52 pm

        thank you thank you. i don’t know how many times we’ll say it to our young men: a drunk lady can’t give consent. avoid these situations already

    • Sphoenix ;) November 26, 2013 at 1:34 pm

      Don’t be ridiculous or judgmental. Anyone can visit anybody and certainly not necessarily for sex! She liked him but she wasn’t ready and he took advantage of her. It’s a real life situation that happens all too often but, just as you have played as Judge and Jury in one sentence, “Na she carry her leg go there!”

  • whocares November 26, 2013 at 11:25 am

    It is definitely rape when someone takes you without your express permission. if there can be marital rape, then sure as hell situations like this will count as rape. it is sad when people you trust let you down and hurt you in this way. it is even sadder when the first thing anyone is inclined to think is “what was she looking for”. even I thought that before I cautioned myself. it is never the victim’s fault, but the man that has no self control. I don’t care If she participated in the kiss initially, or was dressed provocatively enough to turn on jezebel. a person has the right to bodily integrity and no should mean NO!

    • whocares November 26, 2013 at 11:36 am

      *situations like these* before the grammar nazis call me uneducated..

  • Dee November 26, 2013 at 11:56 am

    Its easy to insult her and say its Her fault that this happened,but the truth is you will never understand the feeling of disappointing ur self, u never get over it,nor do u forgive ur self. You just accept it as ur reality and a part of ur story that no one else will mention in ur biography.

  • lilz November 26, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    i can sooo relate to this

  • ad November 26, 2013 at 12:10 pm

    The truth is women lead men on through nuances and body
    language and then shout rape or something else. Please realise that
    if you dont want to be cornered like a mouse stay away from the
    cat!

    • Ready November 26, 2013 at 2:33 pm

      “The truth is women lead men on through nuances and body
      language and then shout rape or something else. Please realise that
      if you don’t want to be cornered like a mouse stay away from the
      cat.” I will respond to you, and do so using commas. That way, you
      can read me as easily as possible; a necessity you didn’t avail me
      of. You sir or ma’am are an ignorant…and that wouldn’t be so
      disgusting if you weren’t so eager to share your ignorance in not
      1, but 4 posts. So women lead men on through nuances and body
      language? Pray tell, we have to police my natural body movements in
      order not to be misinterpreted as begging for rape? You’ve got to
      be sh@#ting me. Why are so many people okay with absolving men of
      self discipline when it comes to sex? This yeye human being did not
      even talk about semi-naked dressing (which still doesn’t warrant
      being assaulted and raped), ad said “nuances and body language”.
      Please educate yourself…no one deserves to be raped. Everybody
      should be able to live their lives freely without being terrified
      about whether they’ll get raped because their “nuances and body
      language” said to a man, “Please, take my body..I offer it to
      you.”

    • madamNK November 26, 2013 at 5:36 pm

      You sound very very very ignorant and frankly very silly. So as a man, your worth is reduced to you raping a woman because somehow she led you on. You have no conscience, no self worth, no respect for you and the woman in question? your brain led you to believe she led you on and so you must rape her? my God, please do not breed. the sooner you and your fellow men who think this way and understand that the moment a woman says no, be it at the time you were kissing her or almost at the point of penetration, if she says no, and you proceed, you have raped her and no, she didn’t lead you on, you couldn’t control your sick and depraved passion.

  • ad November 26, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    That’s why I always advocate the good old days of
    chaperones. The blame in these things have to be shared equally, if
    youre not ready for sex, Avoid the Opportunities. Stay away from
    situations where you would have to battle with instincts and then
    lose the war……self preservation above all….

  • ad November 26, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    That’s why I always advocate the good old days of chaperones. The blame in these things have to be shared equally, if youre not ready for sex, Avoid the Opportunities. Stay away from situations where you would have to battle with instincts and then lose the war……understand how men are wired and “HELP” them by avoiding the opportunity till you are ready for the inevitable between two healthy adukts with hormones raging…

    • whocares November 26, 2013 at 2:09 pm

      OOOOH NOOO! Help men? understand how they are wired? I am
      hoping someone kidnapped you, poured some vodka in you, help a gun
      to your head and force you to type out this bullshit you have just
      written out. firstly, let me school you about rape. I will start
      from the definition and go on from there. rape is the forceful
      subjection to sex usually by penetration of the vagina, mouth or
      anus. the main thing missing for rape to be classified as rape is
      CONSENT. A woman does not have to understand a man, or help him do
      shit. all she has to do is give him consent to be with her or not.
      when he disregards that, and allows “his raging hormones to take
      over” he has shown himself to be an animal with no control over his
      impulses. an animal that does not deserve sympathy, but a gelding.
      a woman has the right over her body. to do with it as she sees fit.
      dressing provocatively, going to a person’s house does not give him
      the right too sleep with you when you say NO. even kissing and then
      changing your mind does not give a person the right. how many times
      have you started a venture then changed your mind halfway? did
      someone force you to continue? I am soo angry right now having read
      your statement. I hope you change your outlook and educate yourself
      more. and I hope to gods you haven’t come in contact with any rape
      victim because I shudder to think of what you would have said/
      done. men get away with this nonsense all the time because of
      people like you. NO MEANS NO. it doesn’t mean maybe, or try harder.
      when a person is physically distressed at the prospect of coitus
      its time to stop.

    • portable November 26, 2013 at 5:50 pm

      YOU DEY CRAZE!!! What the heck do u mean by help men to understand themselves? Hello, like seriously?! In my own case, i went to pick up a parcel on behalf of my sodality in the church n this was someone i respected cos he was in final year and i was in 2nd yr! After 4hrs of fighting, struggling, slaps, insults, torn skirt and blouse, i bless the almighty GOD i was able to escape with my virginity intact but for two freaking weeks i was best friends with depression: no lectures, no church, i wasnt even talking to my room mates for dat whole period! My friends had to take me to my chaplain prist who took me to see a psychologist before i came back to normal! FYI,i was dressed very decently! So dont open ur mouth and spew nonsense when u obviously know nothing! It took me 4 yrs b4 i forgave that guy and i now go around with a sharp scissors in my bag 4 d next idiot who will try himself cos i will so help him to become an eunuch! Sorry for the long epistle, am so pissed! Please try and talk it out of ur system, it really helps!

  • Mz Socially Awkward... November 26, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    I don’t understand Nigerian females (I greatly hesitate to refer to many of them as “women”). It is rape when a man sticks his penis into an unwilling female’s anatomy. It is rape and nothing else, how can we fight gender injustice if we can’t even find support from our own gender?

    I don’t care is she paraded her bare boobs in a g-string in front of him, you excusing the man of his action to any degree is like a poorly paid bank clerk arguing that he was justified in stealing money from his employers because he couldn’t be reasonably expected to be counting millions of pounds in his penury, without pocketing some of that money. Regardless of the temptation, he is still a thief and that argument also applies to rapists.

    Nigerians and our twisted mentality just baffles me…

  • So Frustrated!!! November 26, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    What is making me sad is the fact so many people commenting here can relate to this. Does that mean guys have been getting away with this for so long? What are we doing? So we just keep quiet and take it like the babe in the article? God help us.

    • Mrs Dangote (nee Anonymous) November 26, 2013 at 3:30 pm

      If you talk, people will point fingers and accuse you of “luring” the guy by your dressing or they’ll ask why you visited him alone if you weren’t thinking of getting laid.

      If you report to the police they will ask that you “show” them how he raped you.

      These (amongst several others) are the reasons people keep quiet.

  • Roar November 26, 2013 at 1:20 pm

    I know this tooo…

  • D'Mamma November 26, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    This is sad.happens everyday. It’s not her fault. I think it’s a communication gap- by parents. Almost happened to me but in my case the guy knew the meaning of ‘stop’. After that day, I filled that communication gap by force and learnt a BIG lesson.

  • Mz Socially Awkward... November 26, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    BN, you can’t be posting provocative prose like this and certain provocative comments without expecting equally veined responses to both… I note my response to @ad has been withheld from display…

  • tobee November 26, 2013 at 2:02 pm

    And lemme add this again,the man can’t totally be blamed
    cos even d victim persona in the story had anticipated somethin
    could go wrong in between the romance as the story told,so she shd
    ve listened to her inner voice and picked 440 lolz……ds is not
    to say d man wasn’t at fault though. I remember my undergraduate
    days when girls were still virgins,I had ds close frnd of mine
    whose boyfrnd was in ilorin nd she had bin keeping herself al d
    while nd sed d deed wud only be done on d wedding nite. She went on
    a visit to her bfrds place @ ilorin nd she confessed bfre leaving
    she had a premonition she mite not come back intact nd she ignored
    d warnings nd proceeded on d jorney.when she came back nd narrated
    her ordeal it was al regrets nd dissappointments cos d guy had his
    way wth her nd later dumped her.ladies pls dnt ignore d signals you
    see when somthin is abou to wrng.God speaks thru conscience,we only
    ignore!

    • madamNK November 26, 2013 at 5:42 pm

      The man can be totally blamed. No means no. stop making excuses for these men and maybe just maybe, this rape of an issue will be a thing of the past or at least it can be reduced greatly. Sex should be pout of mutual consent, if one party doesn’t want it and the other person still went ahead, it is rape. If a man cannot control his urges and blames the woman after she said no at some point, he is an animal.

  • Sarah November 26, 2013 at 2:11 pm

    Even though the lady was raped, but I still support @ad
    about ladies being more careful. I could remember one day I visited
    a lovely aunt of mine and casually informed her that I was going to
    check on a male colleague on my way back home. Then, I couldn’t
    understand why she became so frantic and insisted on going with me.
    Later, I realised that many ladies out of naivety had made similar
    mistakes because they were familiar with the individual that
    committed the act. I believe that every parent should always drum
    into their daughters’ ears never to visit a man alone.

    • Ready November 26, 2013 at 2:49 pm

      I don’t understand this being more careful bit. A man can go over to a woman’s place, and he doesn’t get that advice. But a woman? She has to think and re-think, and safeguard herself if she decides to go. I understand that physically, most of us are not as strong as men, and that we have significant differences, but c’mon!!!
      This belief that we have to be more careful in interacting with men and their “raging hormones” as if grown men are forces of nature like typhoons and hurricanes that just happen of the creator, or as if they’re animals that just can’t help themselves….this crap is stuff that has been handed down over generations. Yes, ladies, if we have no intentions to sleep with a man, we should reduce every avenue that would make that possible. But beyond that, what does being very careful mean? Does a 24 year old woman need a chaperone with a grown man? If a woman is fully clothed and chilling with a man in his living room, how much more careful can she be? Take responsibility for your issues, men! Until she says yes, it’s a no.

      • Sarah November 26, 2013 at 4:12 pm

        Ladies should be more careful because they have more to lose, i.e. could contact STDs, unwanted pregnancy, psychological issues, etc. The issue is not who is at fault, but rather self-preservation. The fact that a burglar may be punished for robbing my home does not warrant leaving my doors open to invasion.

  • Mae November 26, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    I can totally relate with this story (& this is the 1st time i am ever saying this). I can also relate to her emotions & silence. The fact that i understood what country i was in, & the pysche of the people around me (as evidenced by the asinine comments i am reading here) are why i have kept (& will continue to keep) all the details to myself.

  • Kay November 26, 2013 at 3:01 pm

    I can also relate to this…………

  • jinkelele November 26, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    too many people can relate to this. Its still RAPE as long as its not CONSENT

  • Anonymoustoday November 26, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    It was my house not his and I invited him. He told me the second he entered not to ever invite a guy to my house again if I had no plans of sleeping with him. He kissed me first, then the fondling started, at first I enjoyed it, then I resisted and I fought, I got on my knees and I begged too. He let me go with great difficulty but at least he left me. we work together so I see him on a daily basis. I bow my head in shame at what almost happened, he holds his own head high. And I wonder like Adaeze why I should cry, if I have the right to even cry or if I have the right to resent him.

  • 5'5 November 26, 2013 at 3:53 pm

    can we talk about marital rape….

    • whocares November 26, 2013 at 4:49 pm

      it is equally as appalling even more so because it occurs within the bonds of marriage. if a man cannot respect his wife enough to accept when she says no then that is problematic is it not? most people do not consider it as rape. they argue that they are already married, but being married to someone does not give them control over a person, neither does it equate to unlimited express consent for sex. I find forceful sex in whatever guise it takes wrong. marital, extra marital, premarital. no is no. I don’t care about the circumstances or how the woman behaved in each one. what a man that rapes a woman takes from that woman is more, so much so than what they imagine. they get their 2 minute gratification, but the cost to the woman… it is all sad especially as I read through these comments and women say they have been in these situations. more women than I would have expected. to all of you that have been through this, be strong.

  • bbi November 26, 2013 at 4:02 pm

    Too many sick people in Nigeria!
    No means NO!
    Stop making these ignorant statements because they are what scare victims from speaking out.
    So many people have gotten HIV, Herpes and other STDs or had unwanted pregnancies because they were afraid of what people will say/think.
    This is a country where the doctor supposed to treat you looks at you like you were the one that raped the man, the police officers insult you and immediately conclude that you have no home training, the religious leaders that are meant to be your safe haven tell you “you shouldn’t have been looking at him like that”, women who are meant to understand you plight ask you “what did you do to entice him?”.
    Too many young women killing themselves because they feel it was all their fault and the shame was too much to bear.
    In stead of telling your daughters how to dress/behave to avoid rape how about you teach your sons that rape is wrong. How about telling your sons that NO means NO, it doesn’t matter if she is intoxicated or if they were already naked. No means no!

  • Inspired by Africa November 26, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    My heart breaks for all the women who can relate to this!!! :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
    This isn’t normal! It shouldn’t be normal! It shouldn’t be acceptable! EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

    No-one should be made to feel like something this heinous is their fault for not being “careful enough” or “being too easy”.

    We are so much stronger, and bigger than the things that happen to us. And our worth is not determined by those things.

    I pray that every woman who has lived this, or any any sort of violation or abuse would be healed of her hurt and pain.
    You are a stunning creation of the most high God and He loves you!

    :(

    • TA November 27, 2013 at 12:51 pm

      Thank you for typing the words in my heart! Am speechless at the number of persons that can relate to this,ha! sadder still is the ‘wetin your leg go find there? My God! Where do we start from.is it educating women to teach their sons the meaning of ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ or changing the mindset of fellow women who ask ‘why you wear that kain thing,or wetin your leg go find there’.. Chai! God,I tire for some humans

  • T-gurl November 26, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    I can totally relate to this story. Nice one Arit.
    This Ad and co., you guys should just crawl back to the jungle u jumped out from. How u can read and write English in the first place is way beyond me.
    This is the bullshit we tell each other that keep victims from speaking out because they dont want to be blamed; as if the self-loathing and regret is not enough. This is the same bullshit that gives some animals the guts to force themselves on a girl just because they know people will ask her what she went there to do. It is this same nonsensical theory that have kept the ‘good’ girls from getting married when their mates were getting hitched because they were busy running away from all men because ‘all men are potential rapists’ has been drummed into their heads. This same rubbish is what we feed our son’s; keeping them from realizing that the fact that a girl likes them is not ground to ‘take’ the girl by force.
    This ‘wetin she find go there” mentality has got to stop. A girl can go anywhere she damn well pleases and say no whenever she wants to! Period!!!

  • Laury November 26, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    Imonetie…. is one of those dudes. Graduated from Unilag Estate Management.

    • slice November 27, 2013 at 4:02 pm

      and this is what i call “i shall have my vengeance in this life or the next.” I don go look him face.

  • M.h November 26, 2013 at 5:39 pm

    Chai Konji Na Bastard!
    No Means No!

  • Laury November 26, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    Facebook Name: Emoney Frizzle..he is one of them. Mschewwww

  • tee November 26, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    Parents have a lot of work to do
    We must teach our children to respect one another
    Boys to respect and not take advantage of girls
    That’s the only way to avoid this. And girls to be watchful and let their intuition guide them. Once you are are uncomfortable, get going
    Poignant story and like @ad said, though people are hating him/her let someone know where you are or accompany you to not to familiar territory

  • the-pain-in-my-heart November 26, 2013 at 6:49 pm

    Wetin I go find there? It was an ex boyfriend. Broke up amicably and remained good friends with no strings attached. Went out with a couple of other friends and we all crashed when we got back. Some in the lounge, some in the bedroom. Was fully clothed in the jeans and jumper I had worn out earlier. Someone was tugging at my clothes. Opened my eyes and saw it was him and playfully swotted him off. Didn’t realize something else had come upon him. Perhaps if I had realized I would have got up and left. Perhaps not. In a daze I thought this can’t be happening there are other people in the house. I pleaded, struggled and cried but he had his way. I got up to leave and he was laughing and asking why are you crying like a small girl. I don’t know how I managed to drive home safely with tears streaming down my face. I was hurt and confused. Confused because while we were together no matter how far we had gone with kissing and cuddling, when I say NO he takes my NO for NO and stops. So why today when there wasn’t any kissing or cuddling beforehand, just an outing with other friends? I got the after morning pill. He called the next day. I did not want to pick the call but I did. I asked why was he calling me. To continue with the gloating he started the day before? He sounded surprised and asked what I was on about and anyways why did I leave that early. In my head I screamed you raped me you brute! In a calmness I wasn’t feeling I told him what he did. He swore on his life that he can’t remember a thing that he was drunk. But I have been around you and alone with you in the past while you were drunk and you were never like this. He apologized profusely and a part of me wanted (and still wants to) to believe him because of the past. A part of me can’t.

    The morning after pill did not work. The nurse almost didn’t give me the abortion pills because of how much I was crying. I aborted the baby. And no i didn’t tell him I was pregnant. Should I have? Maybe I should have kept it maybe not. Asked God to forgive me and still cry in my heart till this day. Will God ever forgive me? Because if you ask me again I couldn’t have kept it back then. I desperately want to but haven’t told a soul about it and it will remain with me to my grave but a teeny weeny weight has been lifted just typing here.

    “I’m only judged by one power, and I serve him” (Justin Bieber)

    • Anonymous 1 November 26, 2013 at 8:27 pm

      God has already forgiven you. Practice self-compassion and forgive yourself too. :)
      There’s nothing good or bad you can do that’ll make God love you more or love you less.
      Romans 5:8 – But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

      You didn’t deserve for that to happen to you at all. Use the experience to be a blessing to others. It is well with you.

      2 Corinthians 1:3-5
      3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

    • X- Factor November 26, 2013 at 8:47 pm

      HE will sure forgive or better still, HE has forgiven you….I feel your pains sis…your great life is ahead of you BUT…. You ll need to forgive yourself

    • Mz Socially Awkward... November 26, 2013 at 9:37 pm

      :-(
      Honey, no. You should NOT keep paying the price for someone else’s evil, you need to speak to someone in a counselling session, please I beg you. And you are more precious to God than you can ever imagine, these are not just words, it’s a sure truth. He doesn’t love you like men do, His is full of understanding, completely unconditional and always dependable.

      I don’t know how to reach you right where you are now and this goes to everyone who has shared their pain in not so many words. I only commit you all, my sisters, into the hands of God to release joy and comfort that deadens the pain in your lives. Mine never got round to raping me, he dragged me into a room and the frightened teenager knew what was going to happen to her, he lay on top of me and only God could have taken hold of his senses because he stopped and told me to get out. If he had followed through…

      All the defenders of rape on this page (whether you’ve apportioned blame as 50/50, 95/5 or 30/70), behold your brothers, sons, male friends, husbands, pastors, maybe even child-minders.

    • Anonymoustoday November 27, 2013 at 9:26 am

      I just want to hug you and say sorry it happened to you. I don’t know about aborting the baby and all that but I feel the burden you must feel. I feel the pain and the guilt too. But let me tell you one thing someone told me recently, God does not grade our sins, sin is sin and he forgives them all regardless of the magnitude. All you need to do is just confess it. As long as you have told God about it, all is well. You are perfectly fine! Sorry it happened to you.

    • TA November 27, 2013 at 1:08 pm

      oh dear! So so sorry. Pele,ndo,koyo! Wish I could make it better for you and all other victims…may God console you all and stregthen you beyond your comprehension. Please never blame yourself,ok? As others have commented,please try to seek help professionally.
      Plenty cyber hugs for you.

    • slice November 27, 2013 at 4:46 pm

      there is nothing to forgive. you did no wrong. you survived and that’s that

  • Anonymous 1 November 26, 2013 at 8:18 pm

    Wow..
    1. Flee all appearances of evil
    2. Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness

    3. What pains me the most about this case is the fact that in Nigeria, there is no avenue for a girl in such a circumstance to reach out to someone to talk to, to help purge her grief and disappointment and help her rebuild her self-esteem. Whatever self-esteem or self-worth she has will be taken from her quick if she tells those around her. Beyond the his fault/her fault blame game (which Nigerians LOVE to play!) the most important thing is how does she move on from this knowing she is still worth living and dying for as a person. I’m torn in all honesty, and I can’t fully say it’s his or her fault, but the truth is at this point whoever’s fault it is doesn’t and will never matter. How she can move on from this and learn, for her sake and the sake of others around her facing similar circumstances is what’s important. More needs to be done by parents, mentors and we as young adults in general in making ourselves available and non-judgmental so young people can actually come forward with their deepest issues and struggles.
    Although I have no statistic to prove this, based on the number of responses in this post as well as my interaction with countless young adults like myself I can easily say that 4 out of 5 Nigerian girls have been raped, molested, or taken advantage of and this usually at a young age (13 or younger) and usually by a family member, close relative, or someone they are romantically inclined towards. Don’t get me wrong I know males have their struggles too.

    Experience is the best teacher as they say. When young females like Adeaze in this post go through such situations and don’t properly deal with it, a downside is that they grow up to be materialistically inclined when it comes to love & relationships. Her first experience got her a DVD series. In the future her perception of men is skewed so she’s like okay.. Since you’re gonna take advantage of me anyways, before you get the cookie I want this, that, and that.

    Speaking to those who can relate to this or who have been in similar circumstances, I encourage you to seek out help with someone you trust, who you can talk to. I found mine in Jesus and in my spiritual mother/mentor. As well, keeping yourself accountable to people you trust is key. A mentor, friend, brother, or even online accountability tools help. Change his number to ‘do not pick’ if you have to and put the reason why beside do not pick. If he comes to your house don’t open the door! And don’t go to his house unaccompanied even for 1 minute. Do like Joseph and flee, leave your bag behind if you have to. Only meet up for dates and quality time in public places. Little measures like that go a long way.

    I’ve been molested before and have come close to Adaeze’s situation more than once. I was lucky that nothing went all the way but the feeling of shame, condemnation, depression, and all were still very much there. I’m still getting over some of those experiences and the feelings of guilt attached to it. Forgiving the guy is easy. The hardest part is forgiving you.

    It is well.

    • Mz Socially Awkward... November 26, 2013 at 9:39 pm

      “The hardest part is forgiving you”. Preach.

  • tobee November 26, 2013 at 9:45 pm

    There’s something we al nid to know,whether we advocate fairness,gender equality,agitations against female abuse e.t.c……the word of God must be fulfilled nd even the bible says “if heaven nd earth passes away,a jot of Gods word won’t go unfulfilled.sincerely we ve come to the evenin of d world,al ds things we hear nd see must just come to pass if d scriptures shdnt be broken.in fairness no 1 has said RAPE is justifiable under any circumstance but d truth is prevention is beta dan cure,even if we preach against rape till 2moro,it wl still occur. Lemme use a situation I was involved in as an example.I ve an uncle who was attracted to me as an adult cos we never even got to meet while I was young.he told me he was attracted to me in al fairness but I thot it was just an expensive joke cos he was my 1st cousin.I went on a visit to his ouse nd he started throwing advances nd wanted to start touchin me of wch I rebuffed him immdiately……………you needed to see ow ds man gave me d beatings of my lyf,I almost passed out sent me out of his ouse in d dead of d nite,nd ds was a man that is civilised,widely travelled,enlightened.the reason fr d beatings was bcos all his lyf he lived in d U.S nd could not possibly rape knowing d offence wld attract severe punishment,so he turned it to physical abuse. All what I’m saying is ds, watch out fr signals cos there wl always be nd save ursef regrets,dissappointments nd depression. Some pple re just plain OLORIBURUKU!

  • Pat November 26, 2013 at 10:48 pm

    I was 16, he was a penpal. Came visiting with a friend of his. Later went to see the the friend excused himself and that was it: my baptism of fire in sex. The idiot apologised after but I blamed myself; why did I go to that hotel in the first place. Was the most painful and horrible experience I ever had. Weaned me off guys for a long time.

  • D'Mamma November 27, 2013 at 1:19 am

    Exactly my point! To all the people that blame the girls in question, this usually occurs when the girls are young and naive. I think girls should be encouraged to take self defense classes. Many years after my narrow escape, I took up Karate. It made me realise that 1 man cannot actually rape me (minus Karate). Most of the time, the victims are so scared that they don’t even put up a fight. When in such a situation, think!fast! Look for anything-anything is a weapon (a girl used her whole might to squeeze the daylight out of a rapist’s penis which gave her time to run+ another used a bottle opener-dunno if he survived it tho coz he bled…and there was no help,he had accosted her in a bushy path)
    Just think about it, there’s one man and there’s you. He tries to hold you down, to undress you, to undress himself, to still hold you down. All you have to do is fight (and pray)
    I didn’t know this much then anyway.

  • Someone November 27, 2013 at 4:06 am

    I think that as women we should be more careful with the line of guys that means we should learn to know more about via new guy we met while clubbing and then trust all of a sudden cause most cases of rape has to do with the ‘guys we trust’ i think that as ladies if we could stand as one to and make ourselves less vunurable we can fight rape. Guys also have their fault but he we can prove to them that we are strong they will back down.

  • banimo November 27, 2013 at 4:53 am

    This happened to my friend.she was a virgin and her bf raped her during a visit to his house.After raping her,tearing her dress qbd beating her,he gave her the morning after pill.she tried to shut it out and pretend like it wasn’t rape, but she was broken and depressed.for some strange reason,she continued the rship and ended up marrying him

  • banimo November 27, 2013 at 5:15 am

    This happened to my friend.she was a virgin and her bf raped her during a visit to his house.After raping her,tearing her dress and beating her,he gave her the morning after pill.she tried to shut it out and pretend like it wasn’t rape, but she was broken and depressed.for some strange reason,she continued the rship and ended up marrying him.

    This rape issue is more rampant than we can imagine.Most of my friends, lost their virginities in such brutal ways.I was almost a victim myself.A guy that I though I knew almost raped me.luckily at the last minute,after struggling and pleading ,he let me go. It was that day I realized the physical strength of a man was nothing to joke with. Even though he didn’t penetrate me,the little contact I had with his d*** makes me shudder till date.I ran into him a while back,and the shame just washed over me again.Even though it wasn’t my fault, I was the one that was ashamed.

    As a country,we have to do better.If maybe we are not so judgemental,women will speak out and attempt to seek justice.Also as parents,are we talking to our male children. Are we teaching them hiw to treat women andbe honorable men?or are we only scolding our girls and teling them to be careful?

    As for those that have made ignorant comments, I truly hope you or those close to you never have to go through this.

  • banimo November 27, 2013 at 5:20 am

    One thing that scares me is ,how do I know that the man I end up marrying has not raped someone before?

    • TA November 27, 2013 at 1:02 pm

      Very good question. Hmmm, Food for thought

  • Cynthia November 27, 2013 at 8:22 am

    I think this story wasn’t supposed to make us decide who was right or wrong. Yes, the girl (Ada) expected something. She’s going to a man’s frigging house. But expecting isn’t the same as being ready for something is it?. It’s just that forethought you have that…this guy might try something o. My problem is the disregard with which the guy seems to treat the whole intercourse. Almost like she should want it because he wants it. A casual, “shebi she came to my house na. wat did she think we would be doing? watching movies?”. It just irks me. He take sit even further by casually handing her the series. It was like the sex never happened. Shit like this happens all too often….and most times we women are either too tired to fight or we don’t put up a convincing-enough fight.

    cr8tivphenom.wordpress.com

  • Dr. N November 27, 2013 at 9:11 am

    The pain, the anger, the shame. I think the conclusion is that we should let young people know they can trust us to hold their secrets. That is the way to end the emotional trauma. School yourself to become a compassionate listener, whether male or female. I had a teenage patient whose mom forced her to pay visits to a male ‘uncle’ who had sex with her. She could not tell her mother, as he was an ‘upstanding’ citizen and their benefactor. Her pain was that her mother kept asking her to go back, never asking why she refused. Let’s hold our men accountable. Teach them to be courteous, discourage pornography, including violent movies. They teach men that women like brutal, depraving acts.
    Above all, listen to your instincts. If you are caught in a rough situation, don’t give in mentally. Put up a good fight, find a weapon, make him believe you are out for blood. I pray for those who have been victims, find a book, counselor, or someone who’s been there. Be set free in Jesus name.

    • D'Mamma November 27, 2013 at 9:32 am

      Thank you! The fear just weakens the victims and makes the rapists seem soo strong. I pray we realise just how strong we are. Remember, anything is a weapon!!

  • eniola November 27, 2013 at 9:28 am

    These comments brought tears to my eyes. :(

  • ovuoke November 27, 2013 at 9:47 am

    So basically from some of these comments, in a guy’s mind, if a woman agrees to be in a room alone with you, she is consenting to sex with you? How horrifying is this thought? My heart bleeds for the too many females who can relate to this write up. Hopefully, with write ups like these and more light being shed on the issue of rape, these men can get into their skulls that unless sex is consentual, it is rape. Just imagine if that was your sister, daughter or mother in the story.

  • menoword November 27, 2013 at 10:49 am

    When I sent this story in, I had no idea that so many women would comment to say that they could relate to it; and this breaks my heart. We must end this contract of silence that places the responsibility for the act on the broken victims. To everyone who talks about shame, it was not your fault. I pray for each one of you that you will find peace, self forgiveness and release. We buy into the lie that WE must have done something wrong for this to happen; but this is the bottom line, someone took something from you that you were not prepared to give. It is theft, and it was not your fault. I pray that our comments here will be the beginning of healing for you and I thank you all so much for your bravery and courage in speaking up. You are strong and brave women and I CELEBRATE every single one of you.

    • Slimgirl November 28, 2013 at 7:50 pm

      As i said in response to another comment, i have experienced this. From some comments above, I do not have the courage to tell my story in detail. I am still ashamed and disappointed in myself, six years after it happened. I have been unable to forgive myself and I berate myself for not fighting harder or doing something to make it stop. I try to block it out and act like it never happened. This is the first time i have talked about the incident and it hurts so badly. I am actually in tears reading some ignorant comments while my heart aches for all those who have had similar experiences. It is the shame and blame that makes us keep quiet.

  • sisimacy November 27, 2013 at 11:42 am

    Hmmmm this is so sad.reading about what other ladies have been through.I pray God heals US all.yes I have my story too but I have forgiven my self but my struggle is trusting the opposite sex.I have been so cautious and find it difficult to trust any man ever since.it indeed affected me.I am yet to be in a relationship.well,its very annoying when I hear fellow women or ladies aportioning blame on the victim.I wonder if they have a daughter or sister and this happens to them what would be their reation? blame or comfort.No one can be careful enough,you don’t pay a friendly visit to someone and expect to be raped.this is not an issue of ‘our generation’,it has been happening from God knows how long,but the difference is now we speak out,we are no longer afriad,we know our rights and thankfuly strict penalties and laws has been implemented against offenders.for every one that has been through this terrible ordeal may God heal you and give you the boldness to speak out.God bless you.

  • PP November 27, 2013 at 12:05 pm

    this is so… arit God bless u! this happened to me on sunday just as explained in the story…. the difference is when i begged for a condom it didnt come….. i feel so bloody numb… i hurt so bad infact arit explained how i bloody feel. seating infront of my desk at work reading and typing this fresh tears run down my cheek

  • Africhic November 27, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    Hmm……….. my case was old boyfriend and i cried and begged and he still went on and had his way. i could not tell anyone, he convinced me to spend the night it was late. I knew i would be blamed for staying there and perhaps it was late and I decided to go home late and the attacker was a stranger i would have been blamed as well. Its actually somewhat comforting to know that i am not alone.

  • PP November 27, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    I Hear talks about weapon… trust me when d person is someone u cared for u and u never imagined it would end up that way.. weapon doesnt readily come to mind, the betrayl blinds ur mind and weakens u… the first time it happened to me it was a bloody armrobber… all i felt was anger.. pure anger! i havent still healed then a friend does this…

  • PP November 27, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    i still remember how i felt when i woke up that sunday morning, i woke up happy dressed nicely to church, danced in church with no premoition what was to befall me… saw him in church again, he came for second service, he looked nice.. in his playful way he teased me and made me laugh… i wanted to spend time with him after church… i used my hand sent a text” if u are free after church lets hang out” a text i would regret all d days of my life. Buffet was lovely.. we laughed all afternoon.. he even tore his trousers when climbing into the ferry so he had to go home and changed… thats when my day light turned to night. My greatest prayer is that am not infected with anything.. cos he is a notorious womaniser.. before u blame me i blame myself more

    • Anonymous 1 November 28, 2013 at 12:05 am

      Wow.. I’ll be lying if I say I have the words to say…
      But seriously tho! and this is a topic we discussed in our Young Adult & Singles conference this year: Is it that they don’t talk to the guys in church, just the girls??? Like seriously I know 1 too many christian guys guilty of this nonsense.

      I’m really sorry you fell victim to his deceptive antics. Please have yourself checked to be safe. You need to draw closer to God than you have ever done in this time simply by reading your bible and praying everyday. Everything, including this, will work together for your good according to his word. Pele my love ♥. Big bear hug to you ({♥}).
      God is with you to help you, and to help you forgive yourself. It is well with you.

  • Anonymous November 28, 2013 at 3:46 am

    This story was gut-wrenching for me to read as were a number of the comments.
    1. I totally agree that parents needs to sit their sons down and talk to them. Under no circumstances is a girl/woman your plaything or property for you to use anyhow. If a girl/woman doesn’t tell a man emphatically that she doesn’t want to have sex, you better step your ass back and go something more productive to occupy your time.
    The fact that this is happening in the church is just revolting. The pastors, elders and parents are failing so badly! Men need to be taught to respect women! RESPECT!!!
    2. I do hold to the idea that women should take care of themselves and do everything in their power to make sure they are protected. It’s simply self-preservation, it’s not sexist. The same way I would protect myself from being robbed, beaten up etc., I will do all in my power to protect myself from rape. I know sometimes that isn’t enough which is why parents, pastors and churches as well as society need to make sure their men respect their women.
    3. I think a less talked about topic is when men are the victims of rape. As difficult as it is for a woman to come forward that she has been raped so it is for a man. I’m only bringing this up because I think the issue of rape in general needs to be brought us and discussed. Victims shouldn’t have to live in shame thinking that the deserved it. Victims shouldn’t be so scared as not to tell those closest to them what happened. It isn’t fair or just that the predators get to live their lives without shame while the predators go free.

    This was an incredibly brave article. I can only pray for healing emotionally, mentally and physically. As it has been said many times: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

  • Anonymous November 28, 2013 at 3:49 am

    This line “If a girl/woman doesn’t tell a man emphatically that she doesn’t want to have sex, you better step your ass back and go something more productive to occupy your time” IS ALL WRONG
    It should be: If a girl/woman doesn’t tell a man emphatically that she does want to have sex, a man better step his ass back and go something more productive to occupy his time.
    OMG!!!! what a horrible mistake!!! I hate typos, please forgive me for such a horrible mistake!!!.

  • Seen ALL November 29, 2013 at 11:06 am

    I’m praying for peace in the hearts of those that are going through a struggle right now. I know it’s hard to sleep when memories keep you awake, and it’s hard to rest peacefully when worry floods your heart. I’m praying that God gives you the strength to LET GO of your past, your worries, or anything that’s chaining you to your hurt. I pray your pain will turn into praise. Never lose Faith and let God be your shelter during this storm. Give your burdens to Him, and rest knowing that everything will work out! God’s LOVE you.

  • not prefectly perfect December 1, 2013 at 4:39 pm

    my sis had a friend with similar experience…..even at her current age she doesn’t have feelings for any guy neither does she take guys seriously anymore… she is 26….its just very sad these situations are….it is well

  • larz December 2, 2013 at 3:02 pm

    I am against raping and I totally support “no means no” campaign. But when no is followed by “please use a condom”, I can see why that can be interpreted as consent. On the basis on this story alone, I will struggle to see any court convict the guy of rape.
    I feel bad for the lady though, I can only but imagine how she must have felt during and afterwards.
    For ladies in the same situation, let there be screaming, let there be scratching, let there be no misinterpretation / ambiguity with regards to what has transpired.

  • larz December 3, 2013 at 12:34 pm

    Tips for ladies out there
    a) at the first opportunity, if he has neighbours scream “pls don’t kill me”. It will force ppl to action. Even if he closes your mouth after, make loud noise, you know the one u can make wen ur mouth is close. Someone will call for help if they hear you. Besides chances r that, he will stop after your scream for help cuz no one want to bring drama n prying neighbours to their doorstep. More often than not, it is not worth it.
    b) if u know u cant win that, lean in n kiss him like your life depends on it. First time, be calm n draw him in. Then just as he relaxes a little, kiss him a second time, bite him really hard in the tongue n run like hell. Even if u r half naked, it is better to do so than to stay behind n be raped.

  • lyn December 9, 2013 at 4:24 am

    hold up tho pls all yall blaming the victim here pls. this kind of stuff happened to me but mine was someone ive been dating for over 3 months. i was a virgin at that time, after 3 months in a relationship he approached me about sex but i told him im not ready and he asked me why i said cuz im a virgin and i dont want to loose it now. i was 19yrs old at that time, he said ok he wont bother me about it when im ready then it will happen. so i thought the case was closed until one evening we went on a date we usually do Friday night date after that one our way coming back he said he want pick a USB to connect his phone in d car. when we got in front of his apt, he went outside and asked me if im not coming in and i told him i thought u said u want to pick up ur USB charger and he said might take long. i said ok and i got off from the car just to got inside and he locked d door behind me. for over 10mins i was saying i dont want that and running around d house trying to get out but he locked the door when i wanted to unlock it he grabbed me and carry me to the bed i was kicking my leg and screaming help. nobody came to the door to even knock. he tore my under pants and nd just push my skirt i was wearing, i was crying and screaming for help when he was done he moved himself and i open the door he only replied that i was swt and said he is sorry he dont know what happened to him. i slapped him and i told him to move and lemme go. he did i took a taxi to my apt and i wanted to call police but i was scared of everyone blaming and saying i caused it. i kept dis to myself i later called my friend and she wanted to call police i told no pls i dont want my aunt and family here to start blaming me over it. but my friend told me to take morning after bill. for three days i was bleeding. cuz of this i was so scared to even talk to any guy it took me 2 years before i got into talking to any guy and it still have some side effect in my life but im getting some help towards it. please yall stop blaming the victim here. it could happen to u by even ur own uncle, boyfriend, friend, a stranger etc but never blame the girl.

  • zamunda January 4, 2014 at 9:48 am

    @laurie,pleas tell me if ur imonitie is the imonitie that graduated 3yrs(or2)ago 4rm unilag,estate management also. Pls pls confirm. Tnx

  • ricca January 29, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    @ zamunda n Laury. The Imonitie i had d unfortunate fate to know was in Quantity Surveying Unilag. Unless there were 2 Imonitie in the same faculty between the 2008-2010, we are refering to the same person. Dark,tall,soft spoken, devilish

  • zamunda February 24, 2014 at 7:07 am

    Wow,ricca.Thanks so much,I couldn’t remember the course exactly but I know it was an unusual course he studied. This will bring me to the issue of parental consent. I was a young girl just graduating from queens college and we were neighbours. He looked really fun and handsome and I was a mini geek while in school so it was a novelty to see such a handsome dude talk 2me. However,whenever I spoke 2my aunt about him(I was staying in my aunt’s house),she’d just give me the look. Imonite had another brother and a sister who graduated 4rm qc also and their mum was a nice woman who went to TREM so I felt really safe with the family. However,my aunt never gave me the look whenever I talked about ossy(imonite’s brother). Well,imonite told me he liked me and would like to take me to ozone cinemas. Boy,was I pumped or what!however,when I told my aunt,she just warned me in a shrill voice never to go along with him or to ever enter the house with him alone. When she calmed down,she just said that she didn’t know why but she just wasn’t comfortable with him for no exact reason. I thought she was nuts but I just chose 2listen 2her and had 2tell imonite ‘no’. Hearing ricca and co,I shudder to think of what would have happened to me if I hadn’t listened to my aunty.
    This is the first time I’m typing this long story on BN but I’m saying it cos sometimes,our parents or guardians see somethings we don’t see and it is usually best to listen to them howbeit not every time. Elders see sitting what infants don’t see standing. I’m sure I’d have been a statistic if I had chosen to follow my feelings cos afterall,it was my life not hers. But thank God I didn’t . Sorry,I had to call him out on this platform but I just want these guys to be stopped,one sexual abuser at a time!

    • ricca April 21, 2014 at 8:42 pm

      @ zamunda, i’m happy for you. I wish I had someone warn me. I was deceived by his sweet words and smiles. My encounter with him was bloody & ugly. I begged him to kill me since he had violated me. Afterwards I lived in a nightmare, he even had the guts to threaten me in addition. I was a shy, quiet girl dying in silence & shame till I told another q.s guy who knew him.
      I pray for his death everyday, hope he dies an ugly shameful death.

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