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Eniola H: She’s a Woman & She Can’t Cook

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I remember being in the university outside of Nigeria and meeting fellow African men who would ask me within the first few minutes of our acquaintance, “can you cook?” That inquiry was never met well because I truly did not see the relevance. For one, I thought it was awkward and very forward coming from a complete stranger. I wondered if the next question to follow if I replied cordially would be “can you wash clothes and carry twins inside you?”

However, one fateful day I indulged my interviewer, since the library had now become a place for house girl application processing. And your guess was as good as mine- he was another hungry man who saw Nigerian food as a miracle that could only come out of blessed women. I told him to use his hands and brain because that’s really the starting point to cooking. After a couple more days of him stalking me, he disappeared. Yeah, he was a creepy one but how about the others who were not as creepy but as clueless and even condescending?

The expectation for women to know how to cook in our culture generally as Nigerians is high. Such expectation on the other hand, does not exist for men which is where the problem lies. Why should a grown up be incapable of providing nutrition to their bodies on their own? That sounds more like a child to me! It baffles me how many men can eat a house but cannot fry a proper omelet without turning it to crisps or soaking it in oil. Whether you are a man or a woman, it is an important and I think, necessary skill to have.

In most Nigerian homes, when the mom needs help in the kitchen, only the girls are summoned. And the dads do not move from their thrones as such activity is not even made for him. I have heard some awful comments that have emanated from this silly ideology that women are made for the kitchen. A popular Nigerian singer (who has even shown off his chef skills in the past) once mentioned that he was hungry and the responses baffled me. Most people told him it was time for him to marry because he’d have a live-in cook! I also overheard a very intelligent young man say it would be a shame for him to make his own lunch because he was married. Or was it the time the disgruntled male divorcee was reporting his ex-wife on social media and said “some days I’d cry for food because my wife would not cook”. Come on dude! Get it together, for real.

Cooking is not a petty skill for the less privileged. It is a skill that requires much intelligence and craft and is not limited to any gender. Most of the world’s greatest chefs are men. Majority of the biggest culinary geniuses have been men. The tastiest jollof rice, pork chops, okra stew I ever tasted have been prepared by men. I also find it super sexy when a man can cook too because I know I’m not a babysitter but a partner. So why do so many Nigerian men view it as something so low that it belongs to the “weaker gender” (or isn’t that what they refer to us as?) Hysterical.

Men are not exempt from kitchen activities, especially cooking. It is a very rewarding feat. Do not completely leave your nutrition in the hands of others. Cooking is a form of nurturing and sharing which we must admit our Nigerian men may need to double up on. Maybe our parents’ generation did things a certain way but things are different now. Gender roles are no longer binaries as they used to be. Women are breaking boundaries, so should men. Women cannot keep evolving but having to live with men who are comfortable with mindless tradition.

In the words of Anne-Marie Slaughter, “we need to re-socialize men… men have to see caregiving as cool”. We can start by erasing that wacko mentality that domestication, including cooking is only meant for women. It is a survival skill that is just as important as making money, or building shelter or procreating, yes.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Aprescindere

Eniola Hundeyin is a fashion & textile designer who is passionate about all things woman. Surrounded by strong women her entire life, she sees the female identity as a great source of inspiration and strength for daily living. She is also a natural/afro hair enthusiast. Eniola can be found @Eniola_BBOG (Twitter).

189 Comments

  1. vibe

    January 21, 2015 at 6:15 pm

    “We can start by erasing that wacko mentality that domestication, including cooking is only meant for women. It is a survival skill that is just as important as making money, or building shelter or procreating, yes”

    Eniola, I am in love with you. You couldn’t have said it any better

  2. bruno

    January 21, 2015 at 6:16 pm

    there’s no day they don’t bash men on this blog.

    at the end of the day, when u end up old and alone (just like one of my aunts) you will saying god has forsaken you.

    u can come on bellanaija and display your feminism gansterism but when u leave bellanaija u will return back to ur work stations (the kitchen).we all know in reality they dont born many of u women well to tell ur husband to go and cook.

    if u don’t cook for him, he would leave u for felicia. lol

    when johnny leave u follow Cynthia, don’t start crying oh. many of u ladies are behaving like u don’t need men, I pity u oh. this is nigeria not america. don’t over do it. u will end up bitter and alone.

    • Person pikin

      January 21, 2015 at 6:35 pm

      Lol @ “leave you for felicia”!
      Oh Bruno! Such a nutter!

    • corolla

      January 21, 2015 at 6:50 pm

      It’s really hard to figure out the kind of person you are. Sometimes you are liberal with your thinking and at time you flabbergast me with your archaic and barbaric mentality.

    • NIBU

      January 21, 2015 at 8:07 pm

      My dear don’t be surprised, just because this Bruno argues about LGBTQ rights on Bella Naija doesn’t mean he supports Gender Equality. The world is full of gay misogynistic men just like we have homophobic feminists. I often take his comments with a pinch of salt.

    • kuks

      January 22, 2015 at 4:36 pm

      @corolla .. u just echoed my thoughts. As I was reading, I did a re-take just to be sure it was my same Bruno Speaking….hmm

    • *Real* Nice Anon

      January 21, 2015 at 6:56 pm

      Aha! You live in Nigeria? Makes all the sense in the world now. Carry on

    • JesuisAda

      January 21, 2015 at 7:16 pm

      So says the gay man with an archaic brain. I have always said you are a confused person. You are saying women should follow the status quo, this is nigeria, yet you abuse Nigerians every day for attacking gay people. News flash, heterosexuality is the status quo. Talking from both sides of your mouth. Are you a flag, just moving in the wind or you just crave attention so you immediately go against any article on BN for nothing sake. Liberal today and want gays to be accepted, yet only women should cook or they become single. Odiegwu. Spirit of confusion

    • Deemah

      January 24, 2015 at 1:31 pm

      Gbam!

    • Fineola

      January 21, 2015 at 7:34 pm

      Bruno, confusing blog readers since 2005.

    • Nahum

      January 21, 2015 at 7:37 pm

      Bruno, you of all people have really surprised me. I would have thought that you would understand and sympathize with the plight of African women because you sympathize with another disenfranchised group in society. I am sadly mistaken. The African woman is not male bashing, we are trying to get it through your thick skulls that we are tired of playing the role of financial partner and dutiful housewife. There are just too many demands made from the African woman, we are tired, disillusioned and just plain fed up of always giving, and the men taking. We don’t hate our men, we just want an adjustment in attitudes. Is that so wrong? Isn’t that the same way you feel about the gay community?

    • bruno

      January 21, 2015 at 8:04 pm

      many of you don’t understand the concept of feminism. you believe feminism is all about bashing and degrading men. some few days ago isio wrote an article, insulting men and their private parts now this one. if a man wrote an article telling women what to do, won’t all of u ladies start shouting. the double standard is too much

      all men should know how to cook. u people should hold ur horses, I didn’t say cooking is for only women. after all if a man takes over the kitchen from his wife won’t she not start complaining, leave my kitchen blah blah blah. she will start to feel unwanted and jobless.

      its in some women’s nature to want to cook and satisfy their families. women love cooking, if u leave a woman she will cook from now till tomorrow,thats why people believe cooking is for women unlike men.

      calm down abegi. every body jumping to conclusion.

      I still stand by my point tho, if u don’t cook for your “nigerian husband” the chances of him leaving you for felicia are high.

    • hawttalkwithtosan.blogspot.ca

      January 21, 2015 at 10:09 pm

      Urm sorry sweetie but not all women love cooking…at least not all the time. Do you know how arduous it is to daily prepare 3 meals for a family? The responsibility of making sure it is a balanced diet? Nah boo. We could use some help

    • stopping by, showing love

      January 22, 2015 at 12:42 am

      he can move on then, many house girls out there for him to marry…
      and you sir, are a f..ing troll!

    • Girl Bye

      January 22, 2015 at 2:37 am

      Comprehension is a huge problem here. Eniola is simply addressing an issue with our culture where it is expected of men to not know how to take care of themselves. Cooking is a way of life. You need food to survive so why can’t you have that power to decide what you put in your body. The same way you choose your deodorant in order to not phuck up the air is the same way you decide what ingredients you want in your food. You do not have to fantastic in the kitchen but knowledge is power. Relying on someone to do what you need e.g cooking, washing, cleaning, is weak. Unless you are paralyzed, a baby, too old, you have no excuse. Why do you think babies are eager to crawl then walk and talk? It shows growth and those are steps to being independent rather than have their parents carry them around all the time like handbags. Nigerian men, grow up! If you cant cook you have limited say or no say at all. How wack is that? To have control over where you stick your penis into is synonymous to cooking for your damn self. It is one of the most liberating things you can ever do.

      Knowing that you dont have to rely on someone to feed you like a damn infant is power! It is another way to show you’re independent like I mentioned earlier. Men, you remember the delicious food your mother makes. Don’t you think it would be nice to have your woman or children talk about the food you prepare or have cooked for them other than how much money you’ve spent on her weave or how massive your penis is (some of you are lying but that’s none of my business). The things that we consider little are way more important. Have a great day.

    • bbz

      January 23, 2015 at 10:15 pm

      ehhh, let the idiot go now! Imagine a man leaving cause the wife wants to be loved and would not mind her husband pampering her ones in a while to cook and help her around the house.

      Karma is a bitch init? afterall they would end up running back and then the woman would have the last laugh because she is financially independent and does not need no idiotic lazy man beside her!

    • Tobes Tiana

      January 21, 2015 at 8:31 pm

      Not surprised at this kind of comment. Most men get education but are stuck with the backward mentality.

    • ade

      January 21, 2015 at 9:06 pm

      bruno, why are you like this. you dont have to be mean with your words. all u need have to say is that ur wife will be your slave(cook) all her life. having u cooking once in a while does not reduce/diminish your value as a man.

    • ahiaoma

      January 21, 2015 at 10:35 pm

      Ok seriously u must be like from 1975 or something. Go find a village girl and marry.

    • Assassin B

      January 22, 2015 at 12:19 am

      Please where is the dislike button when we need it?

    • Mars

      January 22, 2015 at 3:39 am

      It’s your type . Unfortunately your mother didn’t bring you up properly. It’s your sisters and your miserable wife (because I bet she is) that have their work stations in the kitchen

    • moluwa

      January 22, 2015 at 7:42 am

      If I am tired,husband shud beta find his way if am tired and honey,bruno or watever u call urslf,our workplace z nt d kitchen oo,never bt if u tink it is,maybe d mechanic shop where u shud be changing tyres is urs…tchew…be saying story dere,u just piss pple off a lot….idiat

    • chi

      January 22, 2015 at 9:08 am

      Who can than you, my husband cooks and he is super rich. So go get a dip goat

    • Misi

      January 22, 2015 at 2:06 pm

      As long as I work the same long hours as hubby, cooking for him is a big privilege he needs to appreciate. So Bruno, he is free to leave me for Felicia and ensure he pays all the bills while at it too.

    • moi

      January 22, 2015 at 6:18 pm

      wow…. So sorry for the woman that will end up with you. (If you already have one poor little woman). A woman is your help mate not your slave

    • Athena S.A

      January 23, 2015 at 9:22 am

      Well said Bruno……..Lets be realistic, women need to know their place and stop this macho nonsense or you will end up alone in old age……. Lets go back to the basics and stop following everything that the Western world is doing. Check in America, how many women are raising their children alone because of this whole super act, same thing which is slowing creeping in my country South Africa, because us women want to be like men, dont wanna cook, tooo much focused in careers and not have time for building our homes. Again I say, lets go back to the basics, the fundamentals!!!

    • Smh

      January 23, 2015 at 2:11 pm

      Stupid comment buy an equally stupid troll. Women should know their place before they end up alone? You sound like a desperate, unintelligent, talentless gold digger who thinks men were born to take care of women and as such our place is in the kitchen. I hope your parents didnt bother sending you to school because that would have been a waste of their hard earned money. now go on and find yourself a man that beats you and uses you as a slave, after all, thats YOUR place 🙂

      1
    • Larz

      January 23, 2015 at 6:13 pm

      Instead of quoting stats of women being alone raising their kids. You shud quote the numbers of men who r unable to enjoy the benefits of fatherhood due to broken marriage. As far as I am concerned, if the yardstick of measurement is to have a family, a single mother with her kids is far better off than a man with multiple baby mamas but limited or no access to their kids. And that is a pure shame and a disgrace to manhood any and everywhere

    • Ify

      January 24, 2015 at 12:49 pm

      No we won’t bruno.
      Some of us are married / dating men who find cooking enjoyable n are not ashamed of it.
      I for one was raised in a family where my dad dressed the chicken, ground pepper n pounded yam.
      Funny thing is, change is inevitable. Nigeria is not America, yes, but Nigerian women are speaking up anf ain’t nothing you or other backward / stone-age men can do about it.
      I can also guarantee you that your daughter will one day speak up too. How about that? *smiles*
      Have a lovely day dear.

    • TallChica

      January 25, 2015 at 11:02 pm

      Why does this comment have so many likes??!!! Bruno sounds like a misogynist. I personally believe everybody should learn to cook–men and women. Abi you no like food?! However, if a man expects me to cook, he also should know how to cook. In this modern day and age expectations of women are numerous: cook, clean, bear children, satisfy your husband, be a career woman, stay relevant, look good, don’t get fat….what is expected of men? Don’t ask me if I can do domestic tasks if you yourself can’t do traditionally manly tasks. Can you build a house, fix a car, catch our dinner? If not, you have no right to ask me if I can cook. Find something else to talk about, jarey! While I agree that roles in relationships are different, I believe that equity in a marriage demands that my man recognize that his parnter is not a machine–that many hands make light work.. I think people will be much happier if that is the case.

  3. hawttalkwithtosan.blogspot.ca

    January 21, 2015 at 6:16 pm

    I love love this article. I completely relate because in 2013, I had to travel Nigeria for my sister’s wedding. It was my first time away from my family and my major concern was…what they will eat. Although I was leaving my children in the care of their dad I was concerned the only nutrition they will get is fast food. I had to cook 2 weeks worth of food to sustain my family while I was away. Now if their dad could cook; it would have made my life a whole lot easier.

    The issue of only calling on girls for cooking related chores is so true. I make a conscious effort to also involve my boys but I mostly find myself calling on my daughter for minor cooking chores. I will try harder at making cooking a unisex experience in my home.

    • bbz

      January 23, 2015 at 10:20 pm

      yes my dear!
      endevour to try harder and include your sons too.
      This generation is so different from what it used to be.
      Trust me, most men that can cook are most appreciated amd respected by the gf/wives because us women these days see it as sexy!
      Talking from experience. My bf makes the best efo riro, hands down! I am not ashamed thou because there are some other meals he cannot cook that me too i make my own yanger when he is craving it.

  4. theGirlInTheBlueScarf

    January 21, 2015 at 6:20 pm

    Exactly!

  5. Scared homosapien

    January 21, 2015 at 6:21 pm

    Women belong in the kitchen.
    Men belong in the kitchen.
    Kitchen has food.
    Food is life!
    Life is for all, not for women alone.

  6. Drknite

    January 21, 2015 at 6:30 pm

    I foresee you being single for a long time. Unless you date a white dude.

    • Queen of Everything

      January 21, 2015 at 6:51 pm

      so when you see BankyW posting pictures of food he made himself or chef Fregz (spelling) post scrumptious recipes you think they have a super power?
      Why can a man not learn to cook where his parents failed him in this.
      it’s this mentality that adds to problems we already have in Nigerian homes and relationships.
      My rule is to not date a man who cannot cook be it oyinbo or dudu,
      life is too short to stand in the kitchen all day while the man does what?

    • Drknite

      January 21, 2015 at 8:12 pm

      @ Queen of Everything, I’m Liberian and can cook. You should let me prepare a meal for you some time.

      P.S. that is if you are cute offcourse.

    • sika

      January 21, 2015 at 7:05 pm

      Rubbish. Frankly , the last thing any woman should want is a man that wants you/marries you based on certain terms and conditions. Any man that complains because you don’t cook is a bloody glutton as far as im concerned ( Long-throat like my granny says). Our mothers are to blame for this nonsense..a man that doesnt know how to cook for himself or care for himself is bloody unattractive. lord knows i dont like dependent people 😛

      You deserve better ladies. Get a chef/cook/maid ..whatever..There’s so much unemployment in Nigeria..it would be nice to hire a maid..her salary can help her and her family.

    • Drknite

      January 21, 2015 at 8:14 pm

      Women make terms and conditions all the time. Those he have a nice car? Will he buy me everything I want? is his **ck long?….. LOL

    • alexa

      January 21, 2015 at 9:38 pm

      Is that a threat , a promise, or both? And while we are at it, is a sister remaining single a disease, a death sentence or life imprisonment? Also answer this, are you a dimwit, a nutcase or a prophet? Very simple questions. Oya…answer!

    • Assassin B

      January 22, 2015 at 12:21 am

      What else do you foresee? #falseprophet

    • bbz

      January 23, 2015 at 10:21 pm

      and i forsee you ending up with an illetrate, jobless and a backward woman!

      Goodluck hun! May your mother and sisters not swear for you because of your comment!

  7. Queen of Everything

    January 21, 2015 at 6:33 pm

    I 100% completely agree with this article.
    My mum tried to raise us the same way (I’m the first of three and the only girl), I was the only one to be called upon to help her out and this is not only in the kitchen, it’s with cleaning the home as well. That’s how she asked me one day to come and fry plantain for my 16 year old brother (10 years age difference). God forbid! unless I am frying my own then, yeah. To leave my rest to do something for him that I could do at his age and he is capable of doing? I don’t think so.
    I rebel against gender stereotypes, it is archaic and unrealistic especially in this day and age.
    cooking and cleaning is not just for women. Thank God le boo can cook, even better than me.
    But in the past I would always tell male acquaintances and friends that I could not cook (especially at uni, and it was always the international students!).
    sorry for the rant but this is a rather touchy topic, lol
    BN I just might be sending you a follow-up article :p

    • Tobes Tiana

      January 21, 2015 at 11:00 pm

      It is so funny how this relates to me.. I used to tell men I didnt know how to cook. My hubby was shocked when we got married and realized I could cook. Cooking should never be a criteria of getting married; thats just stupid. What of if the woman you are getting married can drop it like its hot in the kitchen and her attitude and character is crappy? Shouldn’t people be more concerned about shared values and principles? I believe that people have misplaced priorities.

  8. ada nnewi

    January 21, 2015 at 6:37 pm

    Someone needs to do an article on “He’s a man and he can’t make bank”…

  9. Tuu

    January 21, 2015 at 6:41 pm

    I truly dont believe a woman’s place is in d kitchen, but honestly i believe the kitchen belongs to d woman, its just right for a woman to know how to man her kitchen,there’s nothing wrong with that, its just native wisdom, that doesnt mean the hubby shouldnt help, this is part of what makes us african,it doesnt make us slaves,naturally, women were made to cater and take care of,God forbid,u lost your husband,either by divorce or death, and you have kids,wont you cook for them with all your heart, my hubby is a fantastic cook but mehn! i think its wrong to make cooking an issue abeg,even if u marry a white man, na u go still cook .Whether you write articles from now to the next century,d kitchen still belongs to us,It might seem unfair but thats d way it is, Its d same way, a man gats to hustle and make money, a lady may choose not to and nothing will happen but a man must, no lady wants a lazy man that cant work, same way no man wants a lady that cant be in charge of her kitchen. MyOpinion

    • Donald-Landon-24 (formerly known as Donald-Landon before someone purloined it)

      January 21, 2015 at 7:09 pm

      So What happens if the wife dies the man (husband) will go call his mother to cook for him?

    • Ikido

      January 21, 2015 at 9:45 pm

      Nah, he will simply find another woman (sharp sharp).
      Why do you think you hardly find Single-Widowers?

    • hawttalkwithtosan.blogspot.ca

      January 21, 2015 at 10:11 pm

      He will marry another wife ni. LOL

    • imose

      January 21, 2015 at 11:50 pm

      Chai it’s a man’s world forget it!! Just pray you meet one that cooperates and understands with you. *phew

    • corolla

      January 22, 2015 at 1:17 am

      Wait, do women not hustle too? Are we not going to work everyday and dealing with the same 9-5 bullshit men face? You all are so stuck in your archaic mentality, it is really sad.

    • z

      January 22, 2015 at 1:30 am

      This isn’t about if he’s helping really, i think we often forget the goldern rule. “Love thy neighbour as….” (if this principle applies, men won’t be leaving plates in the sink. God! *topic for another day.
      kitchen is where cooking takes place. Who uses a kitchen? Anybody?? No need making it gender based. The basis of cooking for me is on availability, energy and choice. Not my husband must eat COOKED food. Shalla to the things you can eat without cooking. AMEN

    • DarckCOCO

      January 22, 2015 at 8:52 pm

      I love you!

  10. melinda

    January 21, 2015 at 6:59 pm

    This is time for men to be bashed….. Eniola God bless ya!!!

  11. Animal Doctor

    January 21, 2015 at 7:02 pm

    Madam the answer to your problems is very simple nau. Just drop our green kpali and fully adopt the one of that country outside Naija where you did your uni and leave Nigerian men alone. No need to even visit our country sef.
    Coming on here with a foreign quote like it’s gospel. Joker! Why didn’t you quote Joke Silva or Folorunsho Alakija? The problem with ladies like you is that you have refused to listen to your mothers (think about that), and I pray you don’t suffer for it.

    • D

      January 21, 2015 at 7:25 pm

      so quoting a “foreigner” as you put it is now a crime??? abi how do we talk like this sometime. The same people like you are the ones that will be quick to quote Martin Luther and Kennedy to name a few but because you don’t agree with her view point on this issue, quoting a foreigner is now non-Nigerian. Ok I am waiting on a quote motivational quote from you from Goodluck Jonathan or is it Tu -Face or Dbanj? I don’t know many celebrity names but you get the point.. Dr of indigenous quotes.

    • Nkay

      January 21, 2015 at 8:07 pm

      I love it when men want to use a woman to illustrate their belief of boxing women into certain categories, they use Mme Alakija et.al to do so. Yes she famously said that she cooks for her husband every day. First of all, do all you loudmouths who jump on that as an example of a woman’s subservience know that for a fact? Not saying that she’s lying, but as a highly intelligent and successful woman in Nigeria, she knows who her audience is. Such statements will appeal to ego central and small minded men who will feed off such pronouncements. And if you are making noise about your wife being like Alakija, are u YOU the man also providing said wife with the creature comforts and support that a woman like Alakija would be accustomed to, given her wealth?? If not biko, have several seats to the left, and while you are seated, look at yourself and reassess what you demand of women vs what you demand of yourself.

    • MC

      January 21, 2015 at 9:11 pm

      “I have never lied about this, I have never been ‘a doing the cooking kind of woman’. When my husband met me, he knew. He was the one who used to do the cooking because he is good at it. I used to do the cooking when I felt like. Sometimes, it comes out to be a huge success and sometimes a failure. Some years ago, I cooked vegetables and it was terrible and my husband is such a gem, he ate it like that. It is not as if my mum didn’t teach me.  -Joke Silva May 2014.

      You asked for a quote from Joke Silva, hopefully this should be sufficient enough?
      And yes, it is a. real quote, in case you think I would have been sad enough to make one up.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      January 21, 2015 at 11:55 pm

      Thank you for reposting that quote. Not that I’ve ever seen it before but at least now, we can lay the question of finding out Joke Silva’s thoughts on this cooking matter, to rest.

      And Olu Jacobs sounds a lot like my Aunt’s husband. I tell you, Uncle can cook for days. The man enjoys being in the kitchen and he married a woman who will find any excuse to dive out of the kitchen if you gave her one, so it’s a perfect match. Plus he cooks amazingly well! So well that whenever I hear he’s in town, I’ll gladly go and visit them because I know some delicious banga soup or roasted fish will be on offer if I land around mealtimes (yes, oh. I can be very Nigerian about timing my arrivals around lunch or dinner, if I need to be :-))

      Of course, due to social conditioning, a front has to be maintained when they’re in Nigeria and people come to visit. How she wan take mouth talk say na her oga cook the food? They’ll just play the expected roles that people prefer to see and he always makes sure that he doesn’t go anywhere near the kitchen if there are other people in the house with them (whether it’s relatives or domestic staff) because he doesn’t want anyone to insult him (for being a woman wrapper) or his wife (for being “incapable” of carrying out her duties).

      However, if na only both of them dey house with just their own kids and trusted 3rd parties like me, na on top stool her leg dey oh while he happily potters around in the kitchen.

      Finally, let this my above tale not lead you to assume the following:-
      1. That she won’t respect him – because, she does. They have an amazing balance in their relationship and this my aunt, I know say her mouth get as e dey sharp well-well but when it comes to her husband, hmmmm. Na that time you go see her dey calm body all the way down. She has truckloads of respect for him.

      2. He does it because she has the upper hand financially – not at all because uncle has a successful oil & gas servicing company he runs in Nigeria and trust me when I say he “hold small”.

    • preshyleeshyous

      January 22, 2015 at 5:10 pm

      joke silva admitted in an interview with City People Magazine that she doesn’t enjoy cooking! Olu Jacobs loves to cook and i repeat “LOVES” to cook especially soups!!! yes, she does cook on special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries but overall she’s not the Kitchen type…and their marriage is still standing strong and he still adores her!!!!!!!! there’s nothing wrong in a man knowing how to cook and actually cooking his own food sometimes. my dad is an amazing cook, he might not cook always but i am so damn proud to say that when my mum is away we don’t starve or fall back on junk snacking plus i don’t enjoy that whole cook soup that’ll last for a week because mummy is going away!
      Now i’m all grown up and in a relationship, its nice to have my boyfriend cook for me once in a while..i appreciate that he trys even though its not spot on, but his intention is what i appreciate the most. A man knowing how to cook is not a weakness but an asset.

  12. kenny

    January 21, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    Well said eniola,u ve spoken my mind.

  13. Nkay

    January 21, 2015 at 7:04 pm

    No food for lazy man….emphasis on the word “man”. If you eat, you should cook. If you have children, all the more so. My husband (proper Igbo man through and through) can cook and I make sure he does at least once a week. I do the rest and he cleans the kitchen! I was born and raised in Canada to Igbo parents. Women have to create the dynamic they want in their marriages. Cook for your man, but make sure it doesn’t become Just YOUR job, especially if I have kids! My sons will learn how to cook. Abeg, why should they be a burden to some woman? Or a slave to her cooking skills for that matter?

  14. white

    January 21, 2015 at 7:08 pm

    i enjoyed this article, kitchen is met for both men and women, but something is left missing, we need to consider somethings that are very relevant in our society, cooking african dishes is one of the ways of keeping african men indoors because men get emotional when eating cooked meal from their wives.

    • stopping by, showing love

      January 22, 2015 at 12:51 am

      dumb

    • Ewa

      January 22, 2015 at 9:13 am

      This your comment ehn, e get as e be?

  15. kenny

    January 21, 2015 at 7:12 pm

    Cooking should be 4 both male and female,we all eat.

  16. D

    January 21, 2015 at 7:19 pm

    So when BN posted an article today about, is it Ali Baba or some comedian giving women advice. I saw some fist pumping women, bashing his thoughts. I am a woman and I believe strongly in gender equality and I am a fighter for such. However, I don’t see many fist pumping women here. I mean for equality to ever exist we will have to get past this whole inequality issue. That is, not everything is about equality and lack thereof and we should not go making up opportunities to just put a fight. We should learn to pick our battles wisely, if he had bashed women I would understand but because he chose to speak to women, like this author chose to speak to men does not make his article or tweets irrelevant or silly. The comedian today made some valid points, some may argue that they are known…well this is known too. Any dude that has his screwed on right knows this already. That does not mean that we still don’t have ignorant men out there like we do women. Point being both articles have their places and we women need to chill not everything is about singing kumbaya!!!. BTW my hubby cooks, I made it clear to him before we went too far in our relationship, leaving me to the kitchen is non-negotiable. It is our home and that includes every single room in that house so we both man every room together and I still enjoy cooking for him too. I especially enjoy hearing him say “this food does not taste like your own jooo. I prefer your own”. I know some people will tongue lash me abi na keyboard lash me for this comment.

    • frankarh

      January 21, 2015 at 8:40 pm

      OMG!!!
      Some comments here just got me laughing!
      But seriously, men have just got 2 learn how to cook!
      I knw a guy that can’t cook but can eat. A lot.
      And that’s how he’ll eat people’s food without thought for what the person’ll eat later. (That’s when his money 4 fast food is finished o)
      One day, d other guys asked him 2 cook.

      He boiled meat with 5 pairs of knor seasoning and went ahead 2 prepare a No2 Tower pot of rice (No 2 from the smallest pot) with 8 cube pairs of knor seasoning!!!!!

      Hmmm…….
      Guys. Cooking is not bad. It doesn’t demean u. Instead, a guy that can cook is actually more of a man, (in a very manly way) and to some people, even sexy!!!!

    • tybay

      January 21, 2015 at 10:02 pm

      LOLest!!! You just cracked my skull wide open with this your story… That guy, if he ever gets married will sentence his wife to a life of cooking without ‘parole.’

    • Yve

      January 22, 2015 at 5:30 pm

      Funniest comment ever. loved you comment 50 times. lol.

  17. jennifer

    January 21, 2015 at 7:27 pm

    Love this article, because I really do love guys that are domestic. It’s so nice, have uncles that can cook do house chores honestly I can’t help but wonder,A man would eat outside as a bachelor and would also eat outside as a married man whether his wife is a sous chef or not.. so imagine in this 21st century,where the number of lazy men keeps increasing everyday and women are the hustlers tell me what would happen.. # MEN DONT FORGET THAT THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU CAN AS WELL KILL YOU#.
    AUNTY ENIOLA THANKS FOR THIS WONDERFUL ARTICLE.. I LOVE WOMEN WHO BELIEVE IN FEMINIZATION..

  18. Onje

    January 21, 2015 at 7:32 pm

    Now im hungry.

  19. john

    January 21, 2015 at 7:49 pm

    Soo….your saying you can’t cook?

  20. TT

    January 21, 2015 at 8:00 pm

    Maybe I’m the only one, but I actually get annoyed when a guy cooks for me. I first praise them for the effort, pretend to eat a bit, and then I do it my way. If I was cooking and my bf/husband was next to me trying to help I’d get really annoyed. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having roles in the home. But like I said, maybe its just me…

  21. ATL's finest

    January 21, 2015 at 8:29 pm

    Na today? Do U know how many women fix the most expensive hair and can’t boil hot water?,no b bad thing if Oga cook.. S*it me

  22. Blockus

    January 21, 2015 at 9:11 pm

    Perhaps BN Post – Question for the gods:

    If your your child is under the age of 18, they cant inherit a single thing and in the absence of a
    Guardian, your estate MAY be taken over by the Government.
    Now if the Mother is still alive, your estate wold be handed over to the Mother who is the legal
    guardian of the Minor to hold in trust for the child pending when they reach the legal age of 18..
    grin (so last last, the woman still controls your property)..

    If the Child is 18+ (meaning you have been married to the same woman for 18 plus years) and
    you die and leave her with nothing to live out the rest of her life, rather subjecting a Mother to
    depending on stipends from her child to survive, then that Man is cursed even beyond the
    grave.. And what makes you think that the Woman would not marry someone wealthier than the
    man?!

    I still maintain that if a Man does not pass on his estate to his wife or leave his wife a sizable
    portion of his estate for her to live off of, then that marriage should end whilst everyone is still
    alive so the woman can put her effort into a marriage where she counts. The above suggestion
    makes the woman’s contributions in the marriage look trivial..

    NOW!! What if the Woman has all the Money and properties, is it okay for her to leave them to
    her Kids and have her husband live off of the handouts from her kids?!

  23. Fati

    January 21, 2015 at 9:20 pm

    It’s only fair on the woman that a man knows how to cook too or at least assist in the kitchen! When I visit the bf and feel like cooking, although hes a good cook, I give him all the rodo(pepper), onions even shaki and ponmo for Efo riro to chop o! No time! After all I won’t be the only one to eat the meal. My 19 year old brother makes the best meals he’s the only boy and nobody can do shakara for him with food o. He would just vex and make beans and rice with correct sauce. Even mumc needs up begging for his food.

  24. halyma

    January 21, 2015 at 9:23 pm

    In today’s Nigeria it is considered okay for women to help out with the bills around d house Infact some are now bread winners and we all know our men by tradition it is d role of our men but to acquire a skill like cooking to help around the house or bette still himself, it is a taboo for some because this is Africa abi Nigeria?

  25. aurora

    January 21, 2015 at 9:25 pm

    Women cannot keep evolving yet having to live with men who are comfortable with mindless tradition…..
    Thank you

  26. Rose OKWY

    January 21, 2015 at 9:43 pm

    Ndi mmadu sef. Man or woman learn to do your own cooking and make your own money TOO so no one maN woman will do shakara for you. Case closed.

  27. mywifeisfiiiiiiine

    January 21, 2015 at 9:46 pm

    I understand where you are coming from eniola; my father taught my brother and I how to cook so we would not fall in love with a woman just because she can cook. But as a Naija man my wife must know how to cook, my older brother thinks different. I say must because what if something happens to me, I need to be sure that my children have a mother that will take absolute care of them. So to each his own; my wife knows how to cook and I know how to cook, but she does most of the cooking and that is because she does it better. My job is to be a helper, the same way she helps me with he income so I don’t go and hustle die because I want to show I am a man.

  28. solomon

    January 21, 2015 at 9:58 pm

    I think women should stop taking care of the children too..all they should be doing is watching movies while the man goes to work ……
    Lazy children

  29. Nunu

    January 21, 2015 at 10:18 pm

    Hit the nail on the head. If women are evolving, we mustn’t continue doing ourselves a disservice by staying with stagnant men. Some Nigerian men are hopelessly annoying when it comes to this. Sit in the living room while their wives slave. With no sense of responsibility as to what she’s working at. This isn’t about male bashing, because clearly, not all women are conscious enough to be feminist.

  30. Enkay

    January 21, 2015 at 10:23 pm

    I am a woman who can cook well and my husband can cook too but I just don’t let him do it except if he wants to surprise me when am out or when am down. I don’t let him because there are a lot of other things at home that he doesn’t let me. in partnership as you called it, there is also division of labour. My advice ladies, do what ever rocks your boat. Am not going to fight my husband bcos my formula is working for us. For example when we move to a new house, my husband just drove us to it and I started cooking for him and his friends who helped. Now revise the role and twirl on that

    • T

      January 22, 2015 at 12:06 am

      I think your comment hit the nail on the head. It’s all about personal choice. Do what makes you happy. If you love or prefer cooking most of the time, then do it. If you need some other arrangement, make it happen. Women who prefer a more traditional role should not be made to feel bad, or in reference to the comment above by Nunu – “not conscious enough to be feminist’. WTF does that even mean?

      Feminism is about choice, simple! Just because an ideal does not fit into your ideal does not make it less feminist, as long as it is the woman’s choice of how she wants to live her life.
      And for the record, I am with the article’s author on this. I can’t be with a man who is not prepared to pull in an equal amount of the house chores, not just cooking, but that’s a choice I have made

    • Girl Bye

      January 22, 2015 at 1:54 pm

      Feminism isnt a choice because fairness/equality isnt a choice. It’s a fundamental human right. We are all entitled to it. Check for the definition of feminism. Biko, stop it.

      On a general note (This isn’t for you T. Lazy to start another comment section )- You taking the cooking role at home SIMPLY BECAUSE youre a woman is unfair/ignorant. We were not born with these gender roles. We were taught and we can unlearn them if they do us no good. If you enjoy cooking & catering as a woman then why not? But a man should be sensible enough to help out since he isnt married to his housekeeper and he contributes to the mess in the house. That is common sense.. Many of these rules were created by men who looked down on women & some women are the first to endorse them with pure ignorance. Calling it our culture. SMH. If more women decide to know better, read, (you are more than your pum pum, butt, breasts, & hips); we would do better. Teach our children to be reasonable, & stop raising grown babies. We have evolved. Men these days dont have a problem with wearing women’s skinny jeans & blouses all in the name of fashion (I dont have a problem with self-expression) but they have a problem with cooking & doing basic household chores? I believe these dumb gender roles created by those old dead men should be blurred & unlearned for a better & healthier society. Driving the newest luxury cars, and wearing the longest foreign weaves while having a non progressive mind is pointless to me. Engaging in intellectual discussions with many Nigerians (educated or not) can cause one to relocate to another planet. We are so consumed with material things instead of feeding our minds. Put Nigerians in a better environment and watch them soar. We are great! However, the love for solely material things has not moved our nation, Nigeria, forward. Look at the way those pathetic politicians who happen to be our leaders are campaigning for presidency/power.

  31. I love Donna Summer

    January 21, 2015 at 10:26 pm

    Okay o! This post is very timely. Now, without diverting from the main topic, I want to use this opportunity to rant! I know a girl who knows a girl who knows a girl…. She’s married to a wonderful man and loves her hubby. She also loves to cook. But sometimes, she’s just not in the mood to cook. WE all know how it can be at times.
    ‘Unfortunately,’ for this young missus, she has two of her brothers-inlaw living in the same apartment with her, her hubby and their baby (Those men don’t even have a reason to be in the house in the first place). She’s never had a maid/ help, but practically works her arse off to keep the home as it should be. Now these young men (in their late 20’s to early 30’s) are so lazy and dirty that they frustrate her efforts in terms of keeping the house clean. For example, their room reeks like a pig sty, they can leave dirty plates in their room for days on end… Need I say more?
    Now back to the koko of the ‘oro.’ When hubby isn’t around and she may not feel like cooking, hubby insists she cook for his brothers! What will you call that? I think the situation is not fair on my dear friend and she seems to be at end of her rope.
    What advice do you guys have for her?

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      January 22, 2015 at 12:04 am

      It sounds like she’s started off what she can’t finish with her in-laws and hubby. Don’t even know how much good any advice will do her as the time to have put her foot down regarding the live-in relations (i.e. laying down household maintenance rule and spelling out expectations when they initially moved in) may have come and gone.

      And I’m not saying that she should continue cooking for them forever more but she needs to work this out with her husband directly so that he’s the one who tells his brothers what the way forward will be (if it’s resolved in her favour) and keeps her away from any kind of confrontation.

    • moluwa

      January 22, 2015 at 7:39 am

      God forbid sufferhead ijn,no in-law shud beta cum nd complicate my own dear life o

    • Girl Bye

      January 22, 2015 at 2:24 pm

      She should stop cooking for them. Her husband should should cook for them since he wants those grown babies to be fed. He should should shower & dress them up. She can also plan something where they are forced to move out of the house. e.g cook for her immediate family & set up several situations where those lazy rats mistakenly eat her husband’s favourite food (food she has prepared & reserved for him). Then he would know wetin dey. His wife isnt a slave & the brothers shouldnt feel privileged. They should thank her & him everyday for giving them a roof over their empty heads because that is more than enough. Do those asses know how much people pay for rent? hiss

    • T

      January 22, 2015 at 4:15 pm

      Um, ‘girl bye’, just to respond to your previous comment because I can’t respond to it up there for some reason.

      I never said feminism was A choice, I said it’s ABOUT choice – a woman’s choice of how to live her life, please re-read my comment. My comment was in response to 2 people, one who insinuated that women who cook for their husbands are not “conscious of feminisnsm” and one who felt happy with her decision to cook for her husband.

      If that is HER CHOICE and not imposed on by anyone else, then no one has the right to say she is not conscious of feminism. I’m the last person you should try to educate about Feminism Ms/Mr.

      Feminism is about about empowering individual women to make their own choices and whether or not I agree with it, it is still their choice.

      Please look up the history of Feminism to see how choice plays into it.

      Btw, I see how Bruno tried to coopt the whole choice thing and turn it into something else. Ugh!

  32. bruno

    January 21, 2015 at 10:35 pm

    articles like this are written by women who are angry with men and want to promote hatred towards men. this is not feminism.

    if u are a woman and u cook for ur husband, there’s nothing degrading about that. infact kudos to all women who cook.

    some of u ladies are shouting, men should cook but in reality you will not allow ur husband inside ur kitchen. him standing there, occupying space will vex u.

    men should know how to cook in case of emergencies.

    it all comes down to personal choice and agreement btw u and ur partner. everybody is not the same, just because ur a woman and u cook, that doesn’t mean u are less or u are not a modern woman.

    the person that wrote this article is a dangerous woman and I can bet she cooks for every man she comes across. they say something but they do another thing in reality.

    • Athena S.A

      January 23, 2015 at 9:25 am

      THANK YOU THANK YOU….WELL SAID!!! Me and you must meet one day when I come to Nigeria. Definitely a voice of reason…..Some can be carried away by nonsense. The woman who wrote this article is bitter!! She needs some skills in keeping her man and peace in her house…

    • Surely

      January 23, 2015 at 2:27 pm

      Nah -, we don’t want your non-comprehending dumb behind in our nation. Thanks. Let Bruno meet you in South Africa and you can find him a husband there.

    • Smh

      January 23, 2015 at 2:12 pm

      and so I’m guessing youre the “guy” in your gay relationship and you want your partner to act as a woman and be a slave right? You disgust me !

  33. spoonfullofsugar

    January 21, 2015 at 11:00 pm

    Men and women should know how to cook. The wife should be the main cook and the husband should be able to help himself when his wife is away. In a proper loving scenario men have things they do around the house like buying fuel, puting on the generator, buying the major things for his family like a house etc and the woman supports just like a man supports with cooking etc but is not mainly in charge of it. The emphasis should be on being a good person in a relationship not on prooving a point. If you don’t want a guy that wants you to cook, find the one that doesn’t or hire a maid…or follow the one that wants it and he will leave you for Felicia.lol

  34. Noki

    January 21, 2015 at 11:04 pm

    This old lonely womam that everyone speaks about as a cautionary tale, is she less unhappy than the old lonely married women with cheating abusive husbands? The problem with the world is that we have convinced ourselves and subsequently men to believe to be without male company is the worst thing that can happen to a woman. I have witnessed an equal amount of unhappy single and married women enough to know that happiness is a personal journey. In regards to this article, i believe that cooking is essential for living, it’s not a mandatory attribute relegated to one sex. I have never dated a man who could not cook, because the type of men I am attracted to are progressive individuals.

  35. eLayRee

    January 21, 2015 at 11:17 pm

    I’m a young male and I recently had to handle cooking for my family. I remember having to spend about 6 hours in the kitchen, cooking and simultaneously cleaning. Since that experience, i have developed respect for women who aside from their various businesses, dedicate their time to cooking for their families.

    I honestly don’t think cooking should be the wife’s job. If a woman has to wake up by 4am to get breakfast ready one day, it shouldn’t be strange for the husband to do the same the next day. To that end, I support gender equality.

    I enjoy cooking and I can imagine the torture cooking will be for women who don’t love it but are forced to do so for the fear that “Felicia” will still their husband away.

    It’s degrading to reduce men into hungry beings that value food over family.

  36. Babes, WHY IS IT THAT HARD?

    January 21, 2015 at 11:18 pm

    Babes, why is it that hard?

    I ask again, why is it that hard for you people?

    Every single day, men are bashed, yet you have fathers, brothers, boyfriends and husbands.

    Instead of going between political and religious divide (APC and PDP; Christianity and Islam),let us just do gender divide( MALE/FEMALE divide).

    You people can go your way, form another country and shuush!

    If you dont want and need men in your lives, is it hard to forget about them, act like they don’t exist, ignore them and live n your own world? why do you have to complain everyday on BN about them?

    Dont y’all think something is wrong with your brains?You complain about something and hate it, yet you can’t do without talking about it everyday; yet you can’t stop praying to get one of them to marry you;yet you can’t stop having sleepless nights to have one of them

    When you detest something so much, just ignore and forget about it than complain about it everyday. They urinate on the road, they smell, they dont dress well, they are lazy, they are this, they are that.

    BN, just form a quorum of single bitter ladies/women for these ones

    I just pity the ones following others. Some of them here are married, some hooked up to be married, some seriously praying for a bf, yet you joining the bandwagon-poisoning your mind about men.

    As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is. If you think all men are evil and bad, you will never ever find a good man to marry (no be curse), but if you believe otherwise, you will definitely

    Choose ye this day where you stand, whether on the part of light or darkness

    FYI, i cook perfectly well. You could have just said everyone should know how to cook.

    • Abeni

      January 22, 2015 at 2:35 am

      Why on the defensive? Its a relevant topic. Guys should learn how, it pretty much a life skill.
      Case in point, my brother . He’d got so used to having women cook for him that now that he’s moved out he’s finding it difficult to adjust. Take out every day, pizza and the like and the costs add up. Even when I offer to buy groceries, he refuses because he doesn’t know what to do with them, he’s gone so long having someone do it for him and he refuses learn how to “because a woman’s place is in the kitchen’.

      So no this isn’t a man bashing session, it doesn’t even have anything to do with feminism in my opinion, its just a simple question: why do Nigerian men insist on leaving a valuable life skill to women?

    • koins

      January 22, 2015 at 5:00 am

      First of all. No one said all men are the same. Second of all, its your kind who don’t properly read articles and come to the comments and open your mouth..gbaaaa…to ask silly questions, that we are praying against. We pray for kind men who understand that in as much as it is my duty to cook for you. Sometimes I need rest and that should not be an issue because you are fully capable of cooking yourself. As for your reference to Isios article, if you had been patient enough to read to the end, I’m sure you would have noticed that she addressed women who pee in public. So please sir, take several sits.

      Signed: A single un-bitter sister who believes in simple human decency and is feverently praying against the crossing of paths between your kind and any of our kind.

  37. deedee

    January 21, 2015 at 11:19 pm

    I would have loved this article if the author had also mentioned a chore generally associated with men that women are supposed to be doing as well. Something like changing a tire or performing an oil change (most guys do their own oil change). However she didn’t which makes one assume a double standard is used in this article.

    So dear Eniola. Can you change your car tire, or perform an oil change, handyman duties around the house, or even lift a generator and fuel it with diesel if you have a man in the house?? If your answer is No, then everything you spoke about here should be retracted.

    Ladies, if you demand for your man to be able to cook on days when you’re not home or too tired, then please also go and learn to do manly chores so both of you can be real equals!!

    • girl

      January 22, 2015 at 12:31 am

      of all the examples to use… lol do you know what it takes to cook? go to market, make food, wash plates clean up etc na to fix tire? please go and sleep

    • koins

      January 22, 2015 at 5:09 am

      Your view is very imbalanced. Please come back when oil changing is synonymous to hunger. If my man is changing car oils everyday and is required to change car oils at 4am every morning. As well as change it during lunch and at dinner. Then we can equate both. But until then sir/ma please pick another example. I’m pretty sure the tire is not bursting everyday and neither are we buying a new generator that needs heavy lifting three times a day. As for fueling my generator. I can do that well . Why? Because “I” need electricity sometimes. Sometimes electricity can be synonymous to hunger and that is why in that area, i am pretty self sufficient.

    • naija boy

      January 22, 2015 at 6:24 am

      I love how women easily unite to form a campaign about their discomfort.

    • Aminawon

      January 22, 2015 at 6:37 am

      How many times a day do you change your tyre?

    • moluwa

      January 22, 2015 at 7:32 am

      Tyre ko,so u v neva seen a woman change her tyre,una dy change tyre three tyms a day ni??….

    • Nunu

      January 22, 2015 at 10:04 am

      Deedee. With all due respect, your points are tenuous. For 3 simple reasons

      1. Biologically, men’s muscles are stronger than that of women. Naturally, it makes more sense for a man to lift a bag of rice than a woman. Also, biology and science have encouraged us to be gendered. That’s why more men pump iron and less women do. This brings me to my 2nd point

      2. Because I call a man to change my tyres doesn’t have anything to do with feminism or not. It’s because certain occupations have been gendered. For example, nursing in Nigeria is a gendered profession. More often than not, you’ll find a female nurse and not a male nurse, even though we do have male nurses. In similar vein, mechanic work has been gendered. Men dominate that field as opposed to women. Perhaps it has been gender

      3, Back to the matter, cooking. Cooking has been gendered in Nigerian homes, and it wouldn’t have been such a problem if men, women, in-laws and the like didn’t feel ENTITLED to women cooking, consequently demonising women who would rather cook as a choice, not as ordered by entitled people.

      4. Deedee, lastly, we are NOT looking for equality, but equity. But if you do believe you’re inferior to a man because he can lift the gas cylinder and you can’t, be my guest.

    • PIONEERXY

      January 23, 2015 at 2:50 pm

      i love u nunu, best comment ever…..men and women are not equal and they can never be equal. so all dis gender equality issue is not making sense to me…there are some things women are meant to do without complaining.
      To the issue of cooking,there is no difficult work in cooking,cooking is a hobby if u know wot u are doing.but all this new generation ladies that are lazy and afraid to cook becos of there poor cooking skills should remain single and enjoy there single life without stress.is not by force to be a wife or to marry.

      am a guy and i know how to cook,and also know how to do every house chores a woman can think off. but i also needs a woman that cooks more than me not all this KFC and indomie chef( a.k.a indomie cookers)lllllllllloooooooooooooooooooolllllllllllllllllllllll.

    • bbz

      January 23, 2015 at 10:35 pm

      abeg no vex! be like say hunger dey catch u well well! Pls use your sence and stop comparing food with oil change…
      Infact go back and reread what you just wrote because i am sure you yourself would know that the analysis you just did is not balanced,

  38. Ibukun

    January 21, 2015 at 11:47 pm

    Eniola God bless you for this article. I dislike men who cannot cook or have no domestic skills. Cooking is a necessary skill for everyone.

  39. imose

    January 21, 2015 at 11:59 pm

    Lolzz!!! The battle is on… just passing by #ok.bye

  40. stopping by, showing love

    January 22, 2015 at 12:48 am

    A lot of ignorant comments on here. To each their own, thats how I see it.

    I married a man who loves cooking and we alternate, works perfect for us. If you’re the type who hates it, find yourself someone who loves it. Whatever works for you mate.

    Personally I like the article. I am not your slave, I am your partner. We share responsibilities, we balance each other.

    Peace x

  41. z

    January 22, 2015 at 1:30 am

    This isn’t about if he’s helping really, i think wd often forget the goldern rule. “Love thy neighbour as….” A kitchen is where cooking takes place. Who uses a kitchen? Anybody?? No need making it role based. The basis of cooking for me is based on availability, energy and choice. Not my husband must eat COOKED food. Shalla to the things you can eat without cooking. AMEN

  42. moimoi

    January 22, 2015 at 4:14 am

    I noticed recently that my 4 year old son always wants to help me when i cook. he always brings his little step stool( quite heavy but he is determined) and i was a bit distracted trying to get on with my cooking and keep him away from dangerous things like fire and knives but reading this article had made me change my mind abourrit!!! If he wants to whisk the eggs, stir the batter, flip the pancakes etc I WILL LET HIM!!! He has shown a keen interest and i will fan that flame. I will make it a fun experience and he will enjoy and appreciate his food better. He already loves the Cbeebie’s Show ” I can Cook” and he always says “i can cook” & ” mummy i wanna be a cooker!!” One day his wife will thank me because i will equip him with skills that are not in your typical african household, i.e cooking ain’t just for your wife o!!!

    • bbz

      January 23, 2015 at 10:38 pm

      my dear u have spoken well.
      I only wish my mum blew that flame inthe life of my brother.
      We always quarrel with her now when my brother is hungry n they both expect the girls in the house to cook for him.
      He had to learn how to make stew and pasta by force after we starved him for a while whenever my mumsi was at work.

  43. Nurumba

    January 22, 2015 at 5:41 am

    Very soon, men will be required to get pregnant and have babies.

    • moluwa

      January 22, 2015 at 7:24 am

      Story!!!!!!!!we r telling dm to do wat z possible,oky?!!!!!!…..nd dint u hear of d man hu got pregnant?!!!!pls spare me,if u dnt have anyfin to say,take a seat,tnks

    • Girl Bye

      January 22, 2015 at 3:19 pm

      I mean some men and their pot bellies be looking forever pregnant so why not?! Anyway, that would be fantastic! They are going to be more humble when they start going through the pain & “joy” pregnant women go through. I give birth next year & he does so next but some of them run away from delivery rooms! So courageous….

    • bbz

      January 23, 2015 at 10:39 pm

      lmao.. u just made my day o!

    • PIONEERXY

      January 23, 2015 at 2:53 pm

      with the rate of this Gender equality……i tire for dem ladies

  44. naija boy

    January 22, 2015 at 6:17 am

    Honestly, overtime if there’s anything anybody has ever wanted, its to get the luxury of someone who makes their life easier. And ladies and “so-called” feminists should just chill. I am a very good cook, virtually all my attempts with a stove and pot has been successful. But on my way home from a tired day I was burdened of the stress of getting home and having to do the dishes, clean up the place and start dinner, and I thought, what if there was a woman thatd do this.
    I honestly used to be an advocate for this banter, should men know how cook? YES, should women cook? Yes. But my short experience lately is just an evidence that I am a victim of my own righteousness.. When I met bae, I didn’t hide my ability for the kitchen, now I basically do all the cooking, dishes, and everything inbetween fix the place as well, while she’s on a movie or on her system or on some smart gadget, and when am done I’d serve her and she’d eat.. And when its time to leave she leaves. What if there was someone to assist with this?
    My take is, men have the ability to do it, most importantly find someone who makes your life easier. It doesn’t have to be food alone. But while she’s at it, be supportive, with words or actions, appreciate it.
    And its a gift if you genuinely find someone that would selflessly care bout what goes into your throat.

    • Truth Teller

      January 23, 2015 at 12:41 pm

      @naija boy, you allowed her, you’re not her slave.

    • Surely

      January 23, 2015 at 2:54 pm

      u r 1 in 20 men who can cook.
      So e pain abi as she chop clean mouth? That is what is EXPECTED of every Nigerian woman out there. So for you to say you went through it and still ask us to chill shows that you are LYING. You just don’t want women to speak their minds and choose their life options because it shrinks your peen.

    • PIONEERXY

      January 23, 2015 at 2:55 pm

      tell dem ooooo

    • Smh

      January 23, 2015 at 9:18 pm

      I literally wanted to knock you while reading this. So when you thought “what if there is someone to do this” it isnt a maid that came to your mind but a woman? What an annoying and retarded way to think. So we that go to work too we dont get tired? Dont piss me off fam.

  45. moluwa

    January 22, 2015 at 7:21 am

    Tnk u very much,tnk u oooo,my mum z guilty,always wanting me to be with her in the kitchen,she naw had to teach my brother how to cook when he was going to school,i triple-hate ds african mentality,really!!!!!!

  46. lol

    January 22, 2015 at 7:54 am

    I pity Nigerian girls trying to follow the western way,No wonder marriages don’t last this days and you see some women still single at the age of 40.

    To hell with gender equality , you can’t expect a man to still cook for you after working so hard everyday to make ends meet. Or would you lazy feminist prefer a man who stays at home,cooks and not work?

    • Daizzy

      January 22, 2015 at 10:00 am

      And a woman with the same 8 to 5 job who also works hard to contribute to the family is always expected to cook for your lazy ass at the end of the day? Cha please! Take a thousand seats at an empty stadium!

    • PIONEERXY

      January 23, 2015 at 2:59 pm

      see the result of gender equality…becos you are working 8-5 does not mean you cant manage ur time to cook(learn abt time management). no don’t cook,tomorrow u will come and tell me u will not like to have kids becos u ar are working 8 to 5 and contributing to the family.

    • Truth Teller

      January 22, 2015 at 10:34 am

      So in your small mind you think women who don’t get married before a certain age placed by society is because they choose to share domestic roles with fully grown, able bodied men? In 2015? Shame on you and on every other person that thinks this way, shame!!!

    • Jianee

      January 22, 2015 at 3:25 pm

      Western thinking ke? So having a functioning brain is Western and having a fish brain is African?
      Some women rather be single than live with spoiled brats who call themselves men. Women are evolving faster than men. Look at the changes that we’ve experienced over the years and compare it to that of men’s. Be gone child.

    • PIONEERXY

      January 23, 2015 at 3:01 pm

      abeg better be single oooo….am beging you

    • bbz

      January 23, 2015 at 10:42 pm

      and women these days st around and are jobless abi?
      Can you hear yourself?
      Ok, so what about if both of them have jobs?

  47. chidinma

    January 22, 2015 at 8:26 am

    Please o my fellow women when did cooking for our husbands and kids become so much of a task. Abeg o we are watching too much african magic movies. I cook for my hubby everytime and I love doing it anytime I dont he understands and takes care of himself.

  48. Very Blunt

    January 22, 2015 at 9:15 am

    Now i understand the mentality that has kept many ladies single!

    This mentality cannot get you anywhere, take it or leave it. You can cry from morning till evening, January to December, na your body e de. Let me remind you of some very cogent facts:

    1. Every single weekend (saturday) wedding ceremonies are being held. If you think someone has a problem, it is no one else than you. Go and solve your problem.

    2. There will always be a remnant. The fraction of you all on BN are insignificant to the percentage of the single ladies going to church, herbalist house and doing all kinds of soap to get hooked to a man. You are not indispensable- infact you are easily replaceable. There are a 1001 willing to take your place.

    3. Na to cook dey worry you of all the problems in the world? Get this into your head, many girls are begging us to just come eat in their house. If you say you are not eating, you will even offend them so to hell with your cooking.

    4. The cooking you all are crying about, it is a well known fact that many young ladies don’t even know how to cook. All they know is pizza and shawarma. Let them cook for you, you will just eat the food with shame and pity make them no cry. To even do the do, dem no sabi.

    5. What is the biggie in cooking? Good women derive joy in satisfying their family and putting smiles on their face. If as a lady (the home maker) you cannot perform wonders and be creative in the kitchen, it shows how shallow you are in some areas of life. Any one (man or woman) should have at least a little knowledge of everything in life, not a novice.

    6. Now you see why your bf dumps you for another pepper seller or someone lower than your class (as you do term it). If you have arrived and think men are beneath you and you can trample upon them, you must be dreaming. You can go to calabar with your money and buy one of those houseboys

    7. Felicias (according to Bruno) and Prostitutes have made life much easier. If a man has urges, he knows where to get it satisfied. No man is chasing you to get into your skirt, He knows where to get it on a platter of gold. Any man chasing a lady in this age is chasing her bcos he is interested in her. But to think a guy is after you cos of what is in between your legs, taaaaa. I reject mumuciousness

    • Ada Nnewi

      January 22, 2015 at 9:34 am

      You need a slave not a wife….:)

    • very blunt

      January 22, 2015 at 9:54 am

      And you are the one, therefore come be my slave
      hahahah

    • Ada Nnewi

      January 22, 2015 at 11:03 am

      A master/mistress can never be a slave, now lie down let me flog you well for your insolence..:P

    • Upsy Daisy

      January 22, 2015 at 9:51 am

      No single point you’ve made even makes sense. ‘Very blunt’, but much more daft. You cant even win this ‘debate’ to save your life.’ The moment you naysayers recognize that a woman is a HELPER to the man and no the other way round, then you’ll have come out of that very dark hole you call reasoning…Long Hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

    • Jianee

      January 22, 2015 at 3:29 pm

      We dont need these hos. Hos know where to find hos. Let the possessed male ho go find Felicia the ho. They can be hos together.
      Keep breeding more overgrown babies a.k.a simple minded hos. Those are not men. There are real men out there but these basic hos overshadow them.

    • Easy n Gentle

      January 23, 2015 at 2:13 pm

      So the matured men one day will realize they’ve been diluted by the men-ho as you call them, who as it seems, no lady wants and as we were taught in Economics, when demand is high and supply is low, the price goes up. How many of you would be able to woo/keep/sustain a matured man then???? #JustBeingMischievious

    • PIONEERXY

      January 23, 2015 at 3:03 pm

      tuale baba…..infact make i increase the likes to you coment

    • PIONEERXY

      January 23, 2015 at 3:08 pm

      i didn’t even see your last point……u too much baba….what is the essense of marriage if u can perform ur wifely duties. if not for kids i no get time for marriage cos wot u ar looking in sokoto dey ur shokoto…..ashawo full everyea.

  49. spoonfullofsugar

    January 22, 2015 at 9:39 am

    @Very Blunt, Please sit down… You are not the type of man those ladies going to church to pray are praying for. I don’t know about the ones using soap and going to herbalist ooo. But on behalf of the ones going to church to pray for good men, I say sit down!!!

    • very blunt

      January 22, 2015 at 9:51 am

      Oh now you admit you go to church to pray for men?
      And you all bash men everyday

      Now someone has given it to you bad and its paining you
      Deal with it!

  50. Ewa

    January 22, 2015 at 9:39 am

    I don’t know why men find it difficult to cook. My dad is the best cook in the whole world. My brothers cook, my cousins cook, i know men that cook and you know what it doesn’t make them unmanly. Please cooking shouldn’t be gender specific.

  51. JustaGirl

    January 22, 2015 at 9:48 am

    There is almost nothing my bf does not know about food and cooking. Sometimes he tries to put me through on certain thing while in the kitchen to my annoyance sometimes. But its all good.

    While growing up his mum didn’t leave the male children out, infact they all took turns at cooking regardless of sex. But in the end, like it or not, a married woman is required to cook for her husband! Period!

    • PIONEERXY

      January 23, 2015 at 3:10 pm

      jst help me tell dem fools

  52. anonymous

    January 22, 2015 at 9:48 am

    Somehow i have always dated guys who know how to cook,so thank God. i remember the first time i cooked for an ex who had always spoken about i don’t look like i can handle myself in the kitchen and first he came to open the pot of soup and his face lighted up and like he made a nod when he saw the “ororo” playing at the top,lol i thought look @ this one that attains to i can cook abi even if e no sweet.For the record he was a great cook and sometimes i can meet some better rice and sauce if he got home before myself and if i was in the kitchen as well..he was always by me..chopping or stirring something..the earlier the better so we can both eat.he cooks,i cook,sometimes e assist,sometimes e don’t,i can change bulb,i can change tire,i can carry 25 litres fuel..aint no big deal..as far as one way or another,our lives are made easy by assisting one another..hes an EX though..story 4 the gods.

    while theres a new guy who i told i can’t do jack in the kitchen.. and he went awww,i can teach u if u want,its easy..come around i will make u lunch or dinner etc..he likes me for my personality and other things e thinks i can bring to the table and he actually makes an effort with this cooking thing,i just smile in my heart…if only u knew that i dot even sari oyinbo food much…if i turn this amala for u..your mother will be glad..”thinking perhaps i might marry this one” “winks”

    moral.. find what works for you in your relationship..boo assist your bae..bae assist your boo,”chickena

  53. Alert!

    January 22, 2015 at 10:02 am

    Looking at most of the comments here, I am beginning to get a better understanding on why most marriages fail these days. Too much westernized thoughts on how married couples should live there lives..”I don’t have to cook for my husband”..”cooking is not role based”..”the kitchen is for anyone who feels hungry”..”basis of cooking is on availability”..Ladies. Please face reality. There cannot be two captains on a ship.

    Most men cook, and I know some good ones who do not place it above everything else. Better realize this fact, that you can not use strong head in the matter. While most of us come here making mouth..”I cannot cook for my husband”..”I am not his slave”..”It is not by force”..It is the same women like you that will humble themselves and come to terms with there wifely roles, and in the end, life is so much better for them. Use your tongue to count your teeth!!

    • Nahum

      January 22, 2015 at 11:16 am

      So be the captain of the ship and leave your wife’s money alone!!! You greedy men know how to shout “equality” when it comes to sharing of the bills but you scream “tradition” when it comes to assisting your wives. Pick a struggle, are you for equality of tradition?

    • Alert!

      January 22, 2015 at 11:39 am

      I see you are missing the point. i am not screaming equality! Point I am trying to make is this. A woman is required to cook for her hubby.Ii did not say the man cannot assist. That is why a said..”it is not a string head matter”. Everything in this life can be achieved amicably. Its as simple as that.

    • PIONEERXY

      January 23, 2015 at 3:12 pm

      dont mind dem fools

  54. Ann

    January 22, 2015 at 10:30 am

    If we both have to go to work, split the bills, then you should also know that some days you have to cook for us. told my bf don’t i will not do any cooking for any man cos i really do not do it when i spend time with the family, guy actually thought i do not cook at all and was surprised i would visit and do the cooking but would insist he has to do the dishes!

  55. Dan G

    January 22, 2015 at 10:49 am

    Hmmm beyond all the “negativity” ascribed to women cooking in homes. I think there is something about a meal prepared to nurture the family. That creates a bond, lasting memories and something that builds a relationship. Yes it takes time and massive effort from the woman. God Bless them.. but I think the rewards for women can only best be mentioned by them. As a guy-I do not advocate abuse of this show of care and love. But I would be a liar if I didnt admit that cooking is a fundamental requirement for even dating for me..She doesnt have to be Chef Ramsey, even interesting Indomie combos can pass muster. I can’t ehlp thinking–“can she take care of our children”…”do we have to be ordering take out”. Does that make me a bad man?

    • PIONEERXY

      January 23, 2015 at 3:14 pm

      ask very well

  56. Truth Teller

    January 22, 2015 at 10:56 am

    I think it’s STUPID and very SENSELESS to think and assume that many ladies are still single because they can’t cook or because they choose to share the role with grown men, Kai! I can’t wrap my head around some people’s mentality.

    If you love and respect someone, cooking wouldn’t and shouldn’t be a big deal and it applies to both sexes. It’s only fair to assist each other.

    I personally believe that both men and women ought to learn what is thought to be applicable to just one sex. Women, get up and get to work. Learn to cook for your very own good, learn to put on the gen, take care of your car by yourself, get a good education, be vast in knowledge! Get your own money.

    For the record I don’t only love to cook but choose to cook ,it’s a choice and not in any way mandatory. I cook for my man with all pleasure, the compliments I get from him and everyone else every time makes me aspire to be greater, it works for us. He sometimes chips in and helps with other things but I cook most of the time because I’m a much better cook, not because im a woman or because it’s my duty, no! As an individual I’ve made up my mind to be excellent at everything I lay my hands on, so cooking is not because I’m a female but simply because I love to, kapeesh!

    If your man wants to cheat he will cheat! If you like cook like Iya Basira, it doesn’t make a difference after the meal is eaten up. There must be a balance. Why would a woman know how to cook so well but can’t take care of her body? Why will a woman be a slave in her own home because society says its her duty? Why would a woman and man both work same hours and the man just lies fallow while the woman does all the house hold chores?

    We ought to raise our sons differently people, it’s up to us because if our men were made to understand that it’s not be necessarily a woman’s role in the kitchen, they’ll act differently.

    I was listening to a radio show where this issue was brought up and some young man who lives with his sisters said he made his sister cook for him even when she was sick because he can’t imagine entering the kitchen. In 2015? sigh!
    This village, archaic mentality has to be wiped off. If you love your spouse you’ll definitely act differently. Weaklings!

  57. Truth Teller

    January 22, 2015 at 10:58 am

    @Very blunt, many ladies are single because they don’t want to end up with your type( egocentric slave masters that assume the position of being too macho to be domesticated), not because they’re not properly skilled.

    • very blunt

      January 22, 2015 at 11:42 am

      The truth hurts
      deal with it my friend!

  58. ONO

    January 22, 2015 at 11:30 am

    The backwardness of some comments here amaze me. There is nothing wrong with the man cooking. Some men love to cook. Most renowned chefs in NIGERIA are men. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. The whole point is, it depends on the partners. Before you get into a long term relationship or marriage, the cooking topic comes up and you decide who does what. Not saying a woman shouldn’t know how to at least do something, but roles can be divided.

    Now, you will come up with ‘men provide, men change tyres, men climb mount everest then jog down to carry the woman out of a burning building’. Please, chill. Women contribute towards all of this now. It’s not about being Western; it’s about evolving. If a woman is a housewife and the man goes out, works really hard and comes back expecting a meal then of course he deserves this! Why the hell not? If he knew the marriage he was getting into i.e. the wife can’t cook, then I expect them to use their initiative to furnish themselves with a cook. What I cannot and will not fathom is a woman who goes to work, probably comes back later than the husband and sees a filthy house, empty dining table and mewling kids waiting for her because ‘as the woman, this is her role.’ Don’t be silly. I personally will be very shocked and disappointed at such a man, then again I shall never end up with such. If he pretended all the while we were in a relationship then showed his true colours during the marriage, I am happy to say I shall be adopting the so-called Western approach called DIVORCE. If this makes me daft or non-Nigerian, ah well.

    As for those saying he will leave me for Felicia etc, then please he is welcome to her. When all she does is cook and clean but he starts missing the money I contributed towards the upkeep, he will know. Or Felicia starts asking for brazilian hair money because she wants to keep up with the Joneses…maybe the hair will become oha soup.

  59. Han Solo

    January 22, 2015 at 12:29 pm

    Having understanding is truly a gift from God. This article is merely stating that women need all the help they can get to cater for their home effectively and this can only be made possible if her partner has some basic skills at least in the kitchen. for e.g a woman has to travel for a few days on an emergency but has to first make 3-4 days food before she leaves. stress that could have been simply avoided…. That said i”m sure no woman feels she should sit down or work all day while her partner cooks all day instead. hence the term equality. i see nothing feminist about this post , just pointing out that it takes two for a balanced, stress-free partnership.

  60. Oluwakemi

    January 22, 2015 at 1:07 pm

    lmao….i cant stop laffing at this..

  61. Anonymous

    January 22, 2015 at 1:32 pm

    if there was cooking and cleaning to be done and myself and hubby wanted to share the work..i will be doing the cooking while e will be doing the cleaning..don’t c it happening otherwise not because it can’t happen but because some jobs come easily and more naturally to either women or men NOT after i come from the market,i cook then clean while you seat in front of the TV throughout playing games…this happens because in the bid to get a man at all cost,during courtship some women have taken this bible passage to the extreme..”i can do all things through God that strengthen me”…..a man or woman who loves you will naturally want to lighten ur burden and ease your stress in anyway they can.

  62. Beautifulcreations

    January 22, 2015 at 2:21 pm

    I believe it boils down to our cultures and most importantly to parents Its like an unwritten law where it is drummed to the “girl child, “a woman’s place is in the kitchen”..like in the days of our parents and still happening now.

    You see households where a woman has all boys, slaving it all away in the kitchen 3 times a day, 7 days a week having no help all because it’s uncanny or an Abomination or Taboo for a boy to be in the kitchen. Thus woman are happy when they have female children.

    Well thanks to western adaption and maybe civilization the ideology is changing,Few households send their male and female children alike to camps and summer programs and a lot more are very inquisitive. it saddens parents to see kids especially the male ones when they leave off to universities only to fall sick because they can’t cook “white rice” not to mention the stew involved. Most get to learn from written out recipes from female course mates, sisters or moms through phone calls. You see lots of men living out and the kitchen all dirty and dusty because their wives traveled.

    I personally believe knowing one’s way around a kitchen is important and necessary (least the basis) for male and female alike. Most times there are thrills to it and even power when people eat what you have made.

    It lies with we all, young parents out there, moms to be tomorrow teach your children how to cook, invite them into the kitchen, don’t leave them watching cartoons or whatever while you slave it away in the kitchen that way “We can start erasing this wacko mentality that domestication, including cooking is only meant for women. It is a survival skill”.

    For the married ones was told by an elderly woman, that in a loving way you can make your hubby do anything you want him to do, not by making it a law in the house. help each other out, thou shalt not suffer thyself ” two becomes one flesh abii

  63. kEV

    January 22, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    I have no issues with this article. I have issues with these ladies believing something on-line and then finding it hard to correlate with reality later. Bunch of ladies come here to spit fire and then go back doing something different. Bunch of hypocrites on BN.

  64. cath

    January 22, 2015 at 3:10 pm

    kitchen empowerment is for all. i guess some of us have seen the movie “mr & mrs”. ’tis good to take care of your man but some men really overdo the “taking advantage part”. they begin to confuse their wives for maids and ……………I’ll take a break now.

  65. KJ

    January 22, 2015 at 3:21 pm

    Eni: Your article smacks of commonsense, logic and near-perfect reasoning. There is just one thing I will unfortunately take away from it : you made it all sound like the practice is a male-driven phenomenon. It is deeper than that. “Nigerian men” do not equate with Nigerian culture although the culture is paternalistic. I posit that the attitude and the underlying philosophy regarding cooking have foundations in women’s desires and wants as well. Many African women would disagree with a proposition that they should cease to be primarily responsible for the kitchen needs of their homes. At the end of the day, you still deserve much credit for frontally addressing a sizeable part of the issue, that is : taking on the psyche of many men who incurably wallow in the African culture-induced myth that a man should never be in the kitchen! The context of the parties – including their orientation – should be determinative of who primarily cooks.

  66. Ebby

    January 22, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    I am a man and I am a feminist as well. Why are some “men” scared to give women a fair (an equal) chance? My dad was a general in the army and he cooked. Nigeria will only be able to compete with other developed nations when we put an end to religious, traditional and sexual bias, and let who is better take the role. And to think someone will say the writer will not get married if her ideology doesnt change is ridiculous. The truth is, she will be happy. Married or not married because of her knowledge.

  67. sanmi omolabi

    January 22, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    In my candid opinion there are always two sides to the same coin. i will start by saying that in the Nigeria i live in an average woman expects her man to be the bread winner, in some instances, her sole source of income as I can testify that up to 65% of women her are housewives so it seen as an obligation to be domestically inclined. Still on the same matter the world is actually bigger than Nigeria alone so as at this stage in the 21st century any guy that can toast GREAT grub is not ready to be filled due to the fact that, marrying a person means that you have accepted them as your life PARTNER, the word partner is the key so no party should believe or have a preconceived notion about what the other parties responsibility is or should be as it is meant to be a combined effort. Still on that particular matter my chic has a job like me, but i still pay for almost everything and i feel great about been able to provide, so as i much as anyone who knows me will tell you, i love food, in my opinion i am a great chef but once in a while i get to enjoy the privilege of my woman pampering me silly, i don’t see it as her duty but damn it still feels good when she does. In some occasions though she might have a reason to close late or just plain not feel like, i also try to reciprocate the gesture, we also share the chores! as in standard! So at the end of the day sha it boils down to the nature of the relationship between the couple as well as their orientation, as not everybody is ready to leave the ego of the AFRICAN MAN which in the real sense of it CHAUVINISTIC frame of mind. Last last sha na my own i talk oh. not picking side not judging but saying it as i have seen it in my short time on the face of this planet.A

  68. Stealth

    January 22, 2015 at 5:07 pm

    My thoughts on the article:
    Unfortunately, the whole article seemed like a rant until the last paragraph (the one about men seeing care-giving as cool). I say this because there is a lot of complaining but not a single solution is provided for the problem. It doesn’t require a lot of thought to realise that women have the power to change things by raising more young men with an appreciation for domestic skills.

    There are various ways to do this. For example, giving them daily or weekly chores, making them responsible for their siblings and teaching them to say “thank you” after meals. These things take years to learn but they usually pay off. Complaining is easy but it produces nothing.

    Although I agree that there is a mentality problem among some Nigerian men, I don’t know very many who actually CAN’T cook. All the men I know can–and do–cook. My Dad and I used to cook dinner once a week when I younger (age 14 until I moved out). My older brother (by 4 years) was already cooking for both of us when he was about 13. All my uncles and male friends can cook. In fact, every Nigerian male who’s been to boarding school or university (that I know) can cook.

    Not everyone finds cooking “rewarding” either. I don’t eat very much. My mum knew this. My wife also knows this. I’m the only guy I know who gets offered food and rejects it a lot of the time. Not because I hate it, but because I see it as a necessity and nothing more. I’ve had to cook for my parents and my wife and the only time I ever found a meal rewarding was when my wife and I worked on a new recipe together.

    My thoughts on the comments:
    The comments on the article have been generally interesting. Some say they don’t like dependent people. Others say that depending on others to do what you need is weak. I think it’s a privilege to have someone to rely on. Unless you don’t plan on getting married and/or having children, your children and spouse will depend on you for their needs at some point. Accepting someone else’s support doesn’t make one stupid or weak.

    In my opinion, it’s important for everyone to know how to cook because we will all have to care for someone one day. It could be parents, spouses, and ESPECIALLY children. However, I don’t think it’s unusual to expect a woman to know how to cook. After all, some expectations are ingrained in our minds by our families, societies and history.

    For example, a lot of women (and their fathers) expect a husband or husband-to-be to have a full-time job, accommodation and transportation. Guess what? We also expect these things of ourselves and we try to secure them because we understand that: even though they’re not the source of our value, they are useful and necessary.

    It’s a hard standard to follow but you’d hardly see guys writing blog posts trying to change people’s mentality (regarding men and having houses, cars, jobs, etc.) just because women are now more independent or it’s no longer 1975. Even if someone did write such a post, he/she wouldn’t get a lot of male support and if the author were a man, women would call him lazy person making excuses.

    All I’m saying is, women should try and understand why this mentality exists, realise that talking about it isn’t very effective and also realise that they have the power to do something about it by raising their own male children to have a different mentality.

    Shout out to anyone who took time to read this very long response. Other shout outs to Tuu, spoonfullofsugar, eLayRee, moimoi, naija boy, chidinma, deedee and Truth Teller for posting some of the most reasonable and sensible responses here.

    • Truth Teller

      January 23, 2015 at 11:55 am

      I thank God for reasonable men like you @Stealth. I don’t even see how I will disrespect a man like this.

  69. Kay

    January 22, 2015 at 6:43 pm

    Bunch of western born and brain washed idiots!

  70. Kay

    January 22, 2015 at 7:11 pm

    What are your expectations out of marriage? On a scale of 1 to 10, how important is each expectation? I know this sounds antiquated but, do you plan on adhering to strict gender roles in marriage or can the lines be blurred every now and then, especially in certain aspects of domesticity?
    When it’s all said and done, there are a myriad and one reasons why some women cook for their families and why some men insist on eating a home cooked meal daily. When couples communicate their expectations, especially before a relationship (marriage or otherwise) is established, it makes life a lot easier. Let’s not forget that when the knot is tied, it ceases to be bout “me” but about “us”. Of course, that’s if one wants to give their union a fighting chance at survival.

  71. Oh! Perry!

    January 22, 2015 at 11:23 pm

    I agree with Eniola! But the truth of the matter is there has to be a balance. Bible says a wise woman builds her home, therefore at least she should be able to whip up something! Does it mean kitchen is her annex office? Absolutely not!
    Don’t ladies also ask men where they work? Or what they are doing just to be sure he carries enough for two?
    Just as a woman expects man to be the breadwinner, the man expects the woman to be the bread-baker or server!
    He should be able to help! Marriage is a partnership and as the woman is expected to buy stuff in the house before the hubby gets paid, so is the man to help with cooking when she is not able to cook.
    Single ladies: pray for your very own man who would support you all the way! Some men may not lift a pot on the stove but will help you do the dishes or take care of the kids…
    It’s a partnership!
    There is no stencil of how a man or a woman should be, the prayer is the one that will COMPLEMENT you!
    Mothers, start involving the boys in the kitchen! It all starts when they are playing PS while you are cooking! If we say it’s “wacko mentality” let’s start washing it off for the upcoming generation! If hubby can’t change, son is still malleable!

    • datesanbabe

      January 23, 2015 at 12:41 pm

      the best comment ever.

  72. Austine Ujah

    January 23, 2015 at 9:56 am

    this piece is no doubt timely and it came as such a time AS this, i think time has come for men to wake up from their slumber and get it right.

    the truth about this is that we African grew up with the myopic mind set that that the kitchen is is the traditional birthright of the female counterpart, and as i ask, if we are fighting for gender equality then kitchen is also not an exception because almost everything man can do woman can do it and now they are cheating the the male now because see husband and wife working in the same organization and both of them come back tired, the wife will still be the one to go to the kitchen to prepare something for them to eat,

    personally, i am a good cook because my mum believe both male and female should cook.
    thank u Eniola for this article.

  73. Athena S.A.

    January 23, 2015 at 11:31 am

    African men appreciate home cooked meals, by their women. We are not talking about white men here. When you dont cook, you pushing him to another woman who will take proper care of him. Men are not bothered how educated, ho w beautiful you are and all the schleps, what matters is how good you are in taking care of him. These are the things that our mothers were taught by their mothers, and thats why their marriages lasted. I dont expect my man to stand in the pot and cook for me every day, hell no. – what next, must he wash my underwear????
    ….A MAN WHO IS WELL TAKEN CARE OF WILL COME HOME TO HIS WOMAN!!!!

    • MC

      January 23, 2015 at 11:47 am

      Why you would even compare your partner cooking to washing your underwear is beyond me!
      Totally unrelated! cooking is a life skill. One must eat!

    • Surely

      January 23, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      u’re not very smart. Our parents’ marriages lasted because foolish women like yourself endured painful marriages, not because they did everything right and kept the man (which in itself is a stupid idea).
      If you can cook for a man, he should be able to cook for you.
      If you can wash his poo streaked underwear, he can wash yours. Simple as ABC.

      In 2015 many women are financially capable of taking care of themselves. If a woman can bring money home, why should she be expected to cook ALL the meals? And why should a stranger (like the author said) come and just ask a woman if she can cook? Do you go around men asking them if they can hunt for animals and make 6 figures? Your ant sized brain will most likely not comprehend all I just said.

    • jumanji

      January 23, 2015 at 5:04 pm

      And the dodo head should go to the new slave. If you have a functioning brain & hands, then get your ass in the kitchen & cook. Cooking is an essential part of survival. You need food to survive. Being a man or woman shouldnt matter. Being useless when it comes to cooking is not cool. What is so difficult to understand here? Nigerians can be quite dumb for people who spend millions on education in every part of the world. Geezz. This is why these Nigerian leaders are dumb & arent built for leadership. They are no different from the people they govern (just richer through stealing) & the animals in the wilderness…

    • jumanji

      January 23, 2015 at 5:07 pm

      And lastly, African men appreciate anything that can cook. Even if its a baboon who cooks well, wears bubu, & ruby woo lipstick some of these daft hungry men will close their eyes to smash & marry it.

    • Diuto

      January 25, 2015 at 11:10 pm

      Caucasian or African American they are all men. So u believe women should not be intelligent etc bt should know how 2 take care of men. I wonder where they would get the knowledge to do the caring. You have forgotten that caring 4a woman could involve cooking 4 her too. Your comment is shallow. Marriage is a partnership not slavery. A couple compliments each other. Reading all these comments, my hubby is a Saint. He’s extremely domestic n helps with d kids. He also luvs 2 to cook n clean. Pls wake up n enjoy being pampered, its not a taboo. Its a wonderful way of life

  74. datesanbabe

    January 23, 2015 at 12:39 pm

    “”how good women are in taking care of him”” what about him taking care of her? people like you are the ones who make men think they are a gift to women and we should all bow before them.

    • Athena S.A

      January 23, 2015 at 1:26 pm

      @MC you missing the whole point……First it will start with men cooking, next they will be expected to wash underwear!!

      @datesandbabe: He takes care of you by providing for you, that is his duty

    • Smh

      January 23, 2015 at 9:20 pm

      Like i said you are lazy and a gold digger thats why you think his responsibility is to take care of you. TU FIA AKWA! may my brothers or female friends never fall into the hands of someone like you. LAZY! Sitting down waiting for someone to provide for you in 2015 God help you

  75. T.dance

    January 23, 2015 at 1:46 pm

    Serious topic but real talk though. I am blessed with a man who helps out in every way he can (cooking too). I don’t think less of him for that neither do I have expectations but I thank him when he helps (he tells me thank you whenever I serve his food or do something for him) The major solution (if you are single) is to talk to Le boo about all your fears before you tie the knot and make sure you marry your friend so you can ask him for help when you need it. For the married ones, if Oga does not deem it fit to help out, talk about it in a loving way and make efforts to teach your male children to be selfless. Everyone needs a little help sometimes. No man (woman) is an island.

  76. Easy n Gentle

    January 23, 2015 at 2:23 pm

    In all of this, I only see one common theme “the entitlement mentality”. A man thinking just because we’re married, she’s entitled to cook for me. I mean, if you can’t cook and she does that for you on the regular, you should be grateful. very sef.

    From another angle, if as a man, I can do everything myself so what is really your use as a wife? Do they not say, remove a person from your life once in a while to know what’s missing? If I remove my wife, and I don’t miss her, I can make my meals and all house chores without breaking a sweat, so what then do you add to my life, really? It would seem men not knowing how to cook well enough or not wanting to, would be a plus, because let’s face it, ignoring all the emotional bullcrap about love and stuff, it’s always about want and need. If they don’t need you, then they want you. With enough self discipline, want can be disregarded. Need on the other hand…

  77. SEIBRI EMOMOTIMI

    January 26, 2015 at 1:21 pm

    I completely agree with this article, the kitchen belongs to the woman. how can a woman not know how to cook?, the activities in the kitchen should be handled by the woman, the husband can also help out but that does not give the woman the right to leave the activities of the kitchen to the man. In other words, it is just right for a woman to know how to cook.

    SEIBRI EMOMOTIMI
    CALEB UNIVERSITY
    MASS COMMUNICATION.

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