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Geraldine Ogwe: What Does Friendship Mean to You?

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I have a childhood friend called Chika. She is an engineer but works in a radio firm and also manages a small establishment for her sister. Chika has another friend who resides in the same town with her. Chika and her friend had an argument on the wedding day of the said friend which led to the destruction of their friendship.

Below is the transcript of this friendship-destroying argument:

Friend: Girl I’m still surprised you didn’t buy my asoebi.

Chika: Good morning. Do have a beautiful day and wonderful marriage.

Friend: Didn’t you read my first message and you are saying have a wonderful marriage.

Chika: Don’t you like morning greetings? Or don’t you won’t a wonderful marriage? I can keep the wishes for when I get married myself.

Friend: Rubbish. You apparently don’t wish me well if you can’t buy simple asoebi. I wonder who will buy your own asoebi when the time comes.

Chika: Why don’t we discuss my own wedding when the time comes, if we must?

Friend: Is that all you can say?

Chika: That was actually the second to last thing. The last thing being, I know you should be getting set for your day, I’m going back to bed since I’m not attending your event. Enjoy your day.

Friend: I don’t blame you. You can’t buy ordinary asoebi but you just keep travelling around. I wonder who is your sponsor. I know other friends of ours who are wondering same too. You won’t go and get married and get a life. At least I’m settled, though my hubby has the money but we are not going on honeymoon at least for now.

Chika: Let me give you what looks like a reply before telling you to fu*k off with all the years of supposed friendship.
1) I thought your only issue was the fact that I didn’t buy your wedding material, but I see my global spirit bothers you. I have no solution to your thwarted thinking. As for your acclaimed ‘other friends of ours’, the day they stop wondering and ask a full fledged adult that question directly, the adult will give them a befitting answer.
2) As you well know, my surname even has a part with a locomotive connotation; I can’t be living up to the meaning of yours nor the new one you are acquiring today.
3) I’m living life in full colours and want to see the world before it gets dark. I don’t envy you if your husband is your rainbow.
If I have done anything wrong to you prior to this conversation, pardon me.
Have a beautiful life ahead and be a good wife while stopping the habit of looking out for what currently single people are doing with their lives.

Before the friend could type another word, she was raptured off Chika’s chat.

Chika said she ended that friendship that day. I blamed both of them. I blamed the friend more because the subject matter was not Chika’s decision not to buy the wedding material but Chika’s frequent flyer status. Her jealousy took hold of her and she acted without thinking. I blamed Chika for ending the friendship that particular day. I felt she would have been more mature and understanding. Maybe, her friend needed the money to settle the cake designer. By the way, Chika hates to wear asoebi. This friend already knew this but she wanted Chika to still buy even if she wouldn’t wear the material.

This brings me to the purpose of this article.

What does friendship mean to you? When you introduce someone as your friend, what exactly do you mean? Does it mean you have each other in your Facebook list or that you meet at the pub every Friday?

A relationship needs to have some key elements in order to be labeled as friendship.

Qualities of someone you regard as a friend:

  1. The person must have told you that you are a friend or must have introduced you as a friend.
  2. The person must be sincerely interested when you talk about your life
  3. The person must have done something nice for you.
  4. The person wants the best for you
  5. The person is a positive influence in your life

People have bad days and act imperfect, so there are times a true friend will be negative or hurt your feelings. That is not the best time to quit the friendship. Consider the virtues of that person and the friendship first. This is the time to act friendly.

Friends don’t keep scores, but there’s a balance. Know when to enjoy the “spotlight” and when to give your friend the “floor”.

We need to go back to the friend-that-sticks-closer-than-a-brother type of friendship.

A friend should not be jealous of another friend. How can you pray for something yet feel bitter when you see it in others?

A friend should respect boundaries and decisions of their friends. Don’t always want to have your way.

A friend should also make allowances for their friends, if it will not be detrimental and sinful.

A friend should be teachable and ready to teach. By virtue of my job as a Human Resources Manager, I know that adults are more difficult to teach than children. I told Chika that she would have taught her friend manners and how to talk like a reasonable adult.

Why waste your time and resources to nurture a friendship only to discard it recklessly? This is why the society is this bad because people no longer genuinely care for others. Friends betray friends easily and without remorse. In the beginning, it was not so.

To the other issue in this article, why do some girls equate your support for their marriage ceremony to buying of the wedding material?

Why do people buy cheap materials for their wedding and sell same exorbitantly to supposed friends?

I remember my younger days, when my roommate was getting married. I suspected she inflated the price of the wedding material. I told her that she should give me the sample, let me go to the market and buy mine. She told me that it will no longer be asoebi if I did that. That asoebi means I have to buy it from the celebrant. Anyway, as my friend who knew my financial situation then, she reduced the amount for me.

Finally, always know your place in people’s lives before you make certain demands from them. To be a friend, you must first be friendly.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Arne9001

70 Comments

  1. Rubilicious

    June 26, 2015 at 1:41 pm

    Oh Please from this chat Chika is obviously very rude and arrogant! this issues wont have escalated that far if she had simply toned down her reply and be nice! if she is truly her friend buying and wearing the asoebi own’t have been an issue of “she doesn’t like wearing asoebi” except she knew she wont be around for the wedding and had told her friend that before hand it wont have been an issus. We do alot of things supposedly for love. i will wear asoebi even if i hate the fabric or colour just to honour MY FRIEND. Chika was never truly the girl’s friend. while the friend in a bid to hurt her due to her latest dicovery that Chika isnt truly a friend lashed out which is quite understandable as she had wasted her time thinking she had a friend in Chika!

    • Ann

      June 26, 2015 at 2:16 pm

      i do agree that Chika was actually rude in all her responses to her friend but i will not buy asoebi just to make a friend happy…tell me tha shade of your asoebi and i would wear something with one of your colours…….if you insist i buy the asoebi cos i just got back from a trip and you wonder why i cannot pay common 5k/10k etc, na you sabi! vex not 🙂

    • larz

      June 27, 2015 at 9:06 pm

      Y’all know that this conversation is just a snapshot at the type of relationship they have right? Here is what I think, the type of person that will pick the morning of their wedding to fight about asoebi things is probably a very difficult friend. If this is what she does on the morning of the most beautiful day of her life then you can imagine how crazy she must have acted before the wedding day. I suspect that Chika hasn’t handled this as strongly as this out of respect for her wedding but someone send this kind of message on the morning of their wedding had to be the last straw for her. I can almost imagine her thinking “here we go again, before her first response”. Why am I projecting this scenario further than this text convo because I have seen this happened before. I have caved in sometimes and haven’t in other instances and I have seen ugliness come out as a result (although none of them on wedding day) only to disappear again after their special day. Becuz somehow we have given celebrants the right to extort money from everyone they know in the name of friendship.
      Supporting friends is dropping everything last minute and make a long commute on a Sunday afternoon to help your friend with marriage trouble knowing you will be back home late on Sunday night. It is helping your friend brainstorm and plan their wedding. It is staying with them in the hospital when they are suffering, being wth them as they loose someone. Send them job profile they might be interested in or business leads. It is reading project plans or proposals for them, endorsing them etc. Not the asoebi nonsense. Life is just too short to waste on nonsense arguments like this.

    • anonymous

      June 28, 2015 at 9:02 pm

      My tots exactly.. chika was just being a bitch..friendship means catering to your friend’s bridezilla moments as long as she doesn’t threaten ur existence..

  2. Tootsy

    June 26, 2015 at 1:43 pm

    Nice one and well said…

  3. Friend's Friend

    June 26, 2015 at 1:45 pm

    Nicely put…………I don’t blame Chika, really that friend is not a good friend please, no matter the pressure she shouldn’t have said all that, she should have dealt with the issue that was “PAINING” (if i may use that word) her straight up without been bitchy.

  4. whocares

    June 26, 2015 at 1:48 pm

    I cant read this. Every time I start, I cant get past you didn’t buy my aso ebi and the good morning response. Firstly, why did you not just say why you cant buy the aso ebi seeing as that was the main bone of contention, and then wish her a good morning afterwards instead of just brushing it aside? I don’t even know. The whole tory get as e be. Why aren’t you going to your friend’s wedding if you reside in the same town? And if so, your delivery about not going for nice small now? Am I analysing this a bit too much? On top that small issue Chika started dissecting her locomotive last name? (can anyone hazard a guess as to what it might be biko?) Aunty ki la gbe, ki le ju? (I did not get enough sleep last night, so that might explain my crankiness and slowness) either way.. These two people have issues. Rules do not apply with real friends (except the never talk about body parts you know I am insecure about etc rules) . With my closest friends, there are no boundaries. Infact, we break them every time, and when the new broken boundary hurdle befalls us, we examine our stance and move on. Relationships, the true ones are ever evolving. So long as you and your friends are decent human beings, your friendship should be able to stand the test of time. Boundaries and rules are for acquaintances and business associates. Then again, I I might be over simplifying this or my definition of friend is different from the author’s. For me, Chika’s friend is a mere acquaintance. My friend will know why I am not buying that aso ebi and on her wedding day, she will bombard me with pictures of various people in aso ebi showing me what I am missing, whilst holding a cheeky glass of prosecco at 7am. She might even assign someone on her wedding train to give me hourly aso ebi picture updates (I would do it ) lool. I apologise. I did not read past the first few lines, and I skimmed the rules, so there may be gold in the article that I missed.

    • zirah

      June 26, 2015 at 2:51 pm

      I’m sure you finished with a first class u re smart. Yh any friend wld b hurt her friend did not buy her ado ebi .China Shld av bin calm rather than bitchy. How well true friendship is not beans.

    • Thatgidigirl

      June 26, 2015 at 3:12 pm

      @whocares I agree that they are just acquaintances. Apparently Chika is also envious of the friend, if she isnt buying her asoebi or attending her wedding then she should have a good reason. Plus her responses came across as bitter, many many talk about name and color of the rainbow…..absolutely unnecessary. Seems to me that the foundation of the friendship is flawed and they both used this opportunity to vent.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      June 26, 2015 at 3:33 pm

      You see that unspoken rule about never talking about body parts? My own variant that I would greatly prefer all of my own friends to abide by is never talking about their damn periods. Eeeisshhh!!!!! Please don’t share details like, “I’m expecting my period” or “my period is supposed to come at xyz moment this week”. It’s even worse when it’s a work colleague who drops those details in a bid for female bonding. My brain doesn’t want to process that information, stop sharing it!

      And I have a particular friend who continues to willingly ignore this rule and keeps informing me that “Vero is in town”. I just insert white noise until she finishes talking about it and we can move on to other things… since threatening her hasn’t worked.

      Additionally, I don’t understand why women talk about sexual performance of their partners with each other. I DO NOT understand this. Married friends might chip in, “me and hubby were making love…” and I ask them, “really? This is what you want me to form a mental image of, right now, you and your bobo doing it???”. Yikes.

  5. ThatAbiribaBae

    June 26, 2015 at 1:55 pm

    Nice one Geraldine! I second the “We need to go back to the friend-that-sticks-closer-than-a-brother type of friendship” motion totally!

    • EllesarisEllendil

      June 26, 2015 at 2:32 pm

      Notice it said Brother not Sister. Men rarely have this type of drama.

  6. Peaches77

    June 26, 2015 at 2:09 pm

    Some people tend to get uncomfortable when you are independent in your thinking and way of life. ..ie when your aspirations, dreams and modus operandi are different from theirs. I think we should always keep an open mind when dealing with people as everyone has a different race to run. Marriage is beautiful but is not necessarily everything. If for anything, it is actually the beginning of the rest of ‘your own’ life.

  7. Ann

    June 26, 2015 at 2:12 pm

    SMH, couldn’t or rather wouldn’t buy a friends bridal train dress for 25k which i would need to buy a pair of shoes for, pay for my air ticket to Abuja and back, probably pay for a hotel room for two nights, chai, that ended friendship sha, we chat once in a while but friendship died just like that lol……A friend should understand and respect my decisions, (i had bills to pay, rent and all and chose my bills over the wedding).friendship to me means been honest at all times, i can refuse to buy your asoebi and you won’t be bothered, sometimes it is hard to say what friendship means cos today real friends are hard to find!

  8. tamy

    June 26, 2015 at 2:17 pm

    Nys article,well chika n d ‘bride’ frnd both have deir lapses,wont go into dt nw. Finding smoone u can call a friend is difficult dese days nt to tlk of d ones dt stick-closer-than-a-brother,spkn frm experience.pple take one fr granted whn u actually behave lyk a ‘friend’,u bcm deir evrytin whn dey r down n whn u need dem dey r nowhere to b found,fairweather frnds I thnk is wht dey r calld. D childhood ones on d oda hand r nt so ‘friendly’ as before cos of distance n ‘time’. Smtyms best to jst b on ur own n nt xpect anythn frm dese ‘friends’,its safer dt way.

    • xt

      June 27, 2015 at 9:00 am

      Well said. Good friends r difficult to find

  9. Ennie

    June 26, 2015 at 2:34 pm

    Thank you Geraldine.
    I’m on the verge of saying, ”please don’t forgive me” to a supposed friend, who suddenly began to act snobbish just because I wouldn’t stop for her to drop off on her preferred side of the road even though it was against traffic rule to swerve to that particular side of the road just because she had her purse and iPad to carry after church. I would even have parked at her preferred spot but it was too late by the time I realized . I approached her twice to talk about her attitude towards me after the incidence and she wouldn’t bulge. So, I gave her some space too.
    When two of our mutual friends noticed the sudden strain in our relationship and called to talk to us after 3 months she slammed them for not acting earlier and they dropped the issue too. Weeks after, when it seemed nobody was going to talk about the supposed feud between us, she decided to tell our mutual friends her reason for the sudden change in attitude, being, me not telling her before agreeing to date my now fiance that I didn’t tell her until weeks into the relationship, even though she was the one that first made his intentions of wanting to date me known to me and I had declined wanting a relationship at the time. (I met him on my own and we started a relationship without notifying her, as I hate the idea of match-making. It just doesn’t work for me). That I also didn’t tell her about my business while planning or as soon as I started it until later and other matters I don’t consider big.
    I haven’t approached her since hearing her reasons and I don’t intend to. It’s not as if she calls me specially to tell me of every step she takes in her life too. We just gist when we see and get to talk about things normally. I just don’t understand her abeg…

    • RIFF RAFF

      June 26, 2015 at 3:51 pm

      Say it , dear,say it. Don’t let her infantile attitude make u feel guilty. Manipulation tinz. You have done nothing wrong. The problem is not you. Such people got their rooted issues. She’s just using your misunderstanding to justify the problem(s)/ frustrations in her own life which probably she does not understand.
      Blaming everyone/everything syndrome.Why me? Victim mentality. Such individuals are good at manipulating people’s feelings. Watch out!Thank goodness men don’t have such trivial details in their lives.Who is that entitled baby in a grown woman’s body? Even when your mutual friends try to talk sense into her, she slams them. Tell me what i love to hear, don’t tell me the truth. Why does she want u to give her every detail of your relationship? So she can spoil it? So she can gist him on your “smashing history” and ruin your happiness? Is she crushing on your fiancé or what? So petty, childish and immature. HIDDEN JEALOUSY IS WHAT I SEE! How old is she to be behaving like that? Abeg, all of u should leave her to brood by herself. You have all tried. Wetin be this sef?
      Thank your stars u saw right thru her rubbish!
      ABEG DON’T EVEN TELL HER WHEN U GETTING MARRIED NOR YOUR WEDDING PLANS.. WITH THIS KAIN ONE SEF, ONE NEVA KNOWS

  10. sum1special

    June 26, 2015 at 2:45 pm

    Chika’s response was so rude and full of pride. i dont think she is a true friend

  11. ada

    June 26, 2015 at 2:47 pm

    support your friend at all times ,especially at times like this(wedding) that is friendship..
    if the material is too expensive,calmly explain or get other friends who think so too to speak to her..adding other expenses involved. but breaking a friendship over something so flimsy means there was no friendship in the first place.

    and to be honest it is painful to see a friend spend soo much on trips and other things and cant spare some thousands of naira for your big day..not like they ll spend it on u everyday. unless ofcourse you guys are not soo close and the friend in question would not do the same for you.

    and this new attitude of people not caring about their friends feelings and all..hmmm. just remember the world might be good to you now but not forever..it can change any day..ask around.

    • J

      June 27, 2015 at 5:11 am

      Ada, it’s Chika’s money and she can decide to do what she wants with it. Why should it be painful if an ajala ie traveller doesn’t throw a few thousands your way? Do you know the sacrifices she makes to indulge on her love for traveling? It being painful says a lot about you as a person.

  12. chigurl

    June 26, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    chika clearly has issues, major issues or minor issues the jury is still out on that one. As in yea the bride was ‘maybe’ jealous or whatever but chika… nah!don’t care much for that attitude sorry

  13. babym

    June 26, 2015 at 3:25 pm

    That Chika na very nonsense wack rude and fake friend lolol. the story reads like 2 distant acquaintances not close friends atalll. First of all which kind close friend greets you by saying good morning?? that formality already shows una no dey close (my own mumu friends go dey greet me with ‘madam u don wake’ or ‘babe gist dey’ or just jump right into the gist with no his or hellos lol, I digress) . Then why did the chika disregard the question and say have a wonderful marriage? that alone is very very rude and condescending the rest of the conversation just went downhill from there. The Chika seems very jealous, arrogant and bitchy.

    I didn’t even want to do asoebi for my wedding o, but my friends abused me very well and said I must do asoebi o that how can they not wear asoebi for me lol, infact it was a group of them that sourced around for it and helped me sell it. One of my closest friend in the bunch could not afford it, she also could not afford the bridesmaid dresses, but you see I love her so much I would be dammed if she was not on my bridal train for such a reason. so without blinking I paid for the asoebi and bridesmaid dress for her. She however was very different from this nonsense chika friend, she was the most supportive and loving friend, she pretty much helped me plan the wedding sef. That is what REAL friends do.

  14. brown-ice

    June 26, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    chika sure sounds like what a ‘friend’ of mine would say. Anyways, the friendship ended the day she cheated me over money

  15. nwaneteyen

    June 26, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    you hardly find friends that will go the extra mile for you again. i know my mum had a friend whom they have been together for over 40 years and when my mum died she became our mother in words and deeds. these days friends are the ones that will even run you down more than enemies. i remember when someone i thought was a friend was getting married, i virtually packed my bags to her house to help out. even the siblings appreciated but when it was my turn to do an event, she traveled that weekend to go visit her mother in law. You can guess that’s when the friendship ended. its not all about asoebi, other things follow.

  16. NaijaPikin

    June 26, 2015 at 3:59 pm

    Are you kidding me. Chika at fault how?

    If the said friend needed help with her wedding, she should have simply asked. Since when did cloth determine level of friendships? This is the most ridiculous thing ever.

    Thank God i have the friends i have (ones with brains). You are fully aware someone does not buy asoebi, but you fight with her because she did not buy asoebi. Clearly you have deeper issues.

    People should stop being greedy, they should cut their cloth according to their size. Asoebi should not be used to pay for your wedding. If they were that close, she should have dashed chika asoebi.

    I have a few friends who dont wear asoebi. When my wedding rolls around, I will simply tell them the color or will dash them the cloth with free tailoring if i’m really keen on them rocking my stuff. You cannot forcce or guilt trip anyone into spending their hard earned money. Get a life losers.

    Yes my blood is very hot.

    • Su

      June 26, 2015 at 6:23 pm

      Thank you sooooooooooo much for this!!!! If the friend knew Chika doesnt wear aso ebi, y disturb her to buy and then equate friendship to aso ebi?????? total trash!!!! People need to get a life and stop trying to claim rights over aso ebi. The other day someone was telling me to buy asoebi for a wedding I cannot attend and then told me to support the wedding at least! I found it ridiculous….. PEOPLE OF GOD, CUT YOUR CLOTH ACCORDING TO YOUR SIZE

    • Kili

      June 27, 2015 at 12:53 am

      I love you NaijaPikin. I can’t believe some of you blamed Chika. What??
      Why bother a friend you know doesn’t like or wear asoebi? People just get so overly sensitive and inconsiderate these days.
      I can be Chika, I ll delete you straight no time.

    • honeymix...

      June 30, 2015 at 4:19 pm

      If your friends do not wear aso ebi, why still give them even if its for free. That means they wont use their money to buy aso ebi but may rather collect it if it were given them for free.

  17. Priscy

    June 26, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    I have discovered that True friendship is hard to come by these days…
    I had a “friend”, I thought I trusted. We were friends when we were kids up until last year when my eyes became clear.
    I treated this girl even better that I treat my sisters
    She knew my family and our story and history
    Only for her to betray me….I have never been heartbroken like that

    I’m over that now…no more friends
    just acquaintances

  18. Akpeno

    June 26, 2015 at 4:26 pm

    Yes o these friends ain’t loyal!

    Although I think there is more between this Chika and her friend….

    Anyway, my own experience with “Friends” I can write a book. but here’s a short story.

    I introduced my ex to so called friends… Ex started treating me badly… lying and cheating …. left him and “friends” knew about it….

    After separation “Friends” go about telling ex of my every move… I am genuinely surprised everytime I am about to travel or a make a big decision which I told my “Friends” Ex shows up demanding to see child …. child he does not call, or see, does not provide for the child in anyway…

    Well so called “friends” have been cut off… and guess what? no more surprises from EX! LOL! Na your “Friends” go kill you!

  19. Ocean Beauty

    June 26, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    Those 2 people no be friends jor. I have 3 besties for over 12 years One from secondary school days, one from university and the other from growing up. We know our shit and we are happy that way. They can sleep in my family house whether I am there or not.
    Funny I dont stay in the same city with 2 of them but mehn all the gist is not leost no matter how far apart we are.
    A friend is one who cuts short her sleep to drive you to the airport at 4:30am.
    One of them got married recently and she said I have to be the chief. I asked her if she was okay? Who will do the running around to make sure everything is going on fine considering the fact that there is no wedding planner.
    A friend is one you will leave your car with all day because she needs it more than you do.
    A friend is one i will gladly baby sit her kids because she has to go spend some time with her hubby in another city.
    I moved to lagos a few years ago and have not made real friends because I dont want to hear stories that touch.
    When you know the kind of friendship you have, common asoebi will not put you guys asunder.

  20. TheDoc

    June 26, 2015 at 4:29 pm

    I think people use the term ‘friend’ very loosely. It’s quite different from an acquaintance. I agree with what most people here have said. True friends are hard to find these days. I’m always quick to correct a person if they ask me ‘how is your friend?’ just cos u see me and someone (maybe a colleague) together.
    Chika’s response was just not it. If she had answered in a friendly manner the matter wouldn’t have escalated to the point where the friend mentioned her ‘global spirit’ and sponsor. Anyways, these two got issues. Definitely not friends or the friendship died long before the wedding.
    PS: I think Geraldine should be fairer in her judgement and conclusions. It’s obvious she’s taking Chika’s side cos shez her ‘friend’. Hope she doesn’t show u a different side of her soon.

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      June 26, 2015 at 4:53 pm

      Nne I agree with you, people use the word “friend” very loosely. I have bought a friends aso ebi and didn’t wear it just to support her. I have a friend who doesn’t wear aso ebi but will buy it to support you if she considers you a friend. Those two people described above are not friends. Before you call someone a friend, you guys have to be a lot close and have a bond. Not because you work together, gossip together at lunch, in the same church choir mutually in tenor group, went to the same sec school and now work at the same place..all these does not make someone your friend. If they were friends, Chika would ve apologized and be like babe I am out of cash, I cant afford your aso ebi now, can i pay later or can you leave me out, let me support you in something else. The other girl was very right to ask why someone she considered friend refused to buy her aso ebi ie support her. A little humility and worthwhile explanation would ve sufficed instead of the arrogant “Bad morning wishes”

  21. Kenya

    June 26, 2015 at 4:32 pm

    As a rule I do not buy aseobi. My friends know this and know that even though I won’t buy, I will practically do “housegirl” for them on their wedding days. I have an issue with this happening on a wedding day of one of the girls. Couldn’t they have resolved it another day? and with girls it has to be envy and material things?

  22. Croft

    June 26, 2015 at 5:00 pm

    This is why I can count the number of female friends I have on one hand. Too much pettiness and jealousy to deal with girls. That’s why I get scared of girls that have battalions of female friends. You have to have Multiple personality disorder to keep up. No time for female drama and frenemies. Both ‘friends’ are silly and are clearly should have not be more than passing acquaintances.

  23. nammy

    June 26, 2015 at 5:08 pm

    Friendship to me means that someone cares about me the same way I care about that someone, means I call to check up on that individual and he/she returns the favour, not waiting for me to always call or not calling only when a favour is needed, that I can have crazy fun with that someone, that i can offer that someone my shoulder to cry on nd expect He/she’s shoulders when I need to cry, that I can recall that someone to his/her senses when he/she is taking a wrong step nd he/she will do exact same for me, that am willing to go the extra mile for and he/ she is also willing to reciprocate, that I don’t rub my achievements in that someone’s face but encourage he/she to succed too nd that gesture is reciprocated, that I disagree with that someone on many issues maybe even quarrel but we still manage to come out strong.
    That’s what friendship means to me.

  24. fygo

    June 26, 2015 at 5:18 pm

    Ladies and their drama..u knw wat they say,men kick friendship around like a football,but it doesn’t seem 2 crack.women treat it lyk glass and it all goes 2 pieces. lolololololololol!

  25. cindy

    June 26, 2015 at 5:37 pm

    Rules shouldn’t apply to friends. Boundaries? Yes, so that you won’t be taken for granted too much. In fact, there’s joy in being taken for granted sometimes, just like how family members take us for granted everytime. But rules? No man. A true friend’s got your back all the time. As for Chika, babe’s just feeling herself too much joor.

  26. B.E

    June 26, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    We girls clearly have issues…..Guys have less stressful relationships we should all learn from.

    I agree with a lot of commentators. From the transcript, they come across as acquaintances. I think we’re all very quick to call people “friends”but are they really? True friendship to me is what David and Jonathan had. Friendship which transcends beyond now to our children’s generation…why invest your time on people who just can’t care less

  27. Sophie

    June 26, 2015 at 5:59 pm

    Abeg, the both of them sounded somehow. The Chika’s response was a bit snide and not at all friendly but the other friend was petty. I really do not think these girls are actual friends, maybe girls who hangout together and talk once in a while but not friends. You go out of your way for your friends and when you cant they know you well enough to understand your motives or you communicate somehow to them that they give acquiescence even if not satisfied. Anyway my conclusion is that they are not friends, actual friends dont throw away years of friendship for petty comments, you fight but in the end you make up. Thats just friendship

  28. NaijaPikin

    June 26, 2015 at 6:19 pm

    For all of you saying Chika’s response was rude….erm she was clearly trying to change the topic to avoid causing drama on someone’s wedding day.

    Sorry the bride is sick in the head oh. I can’t even imagine thinking of who bought and did not buy asoebi on the morning of my wedding. Like wtf.

    For the bride to only complain about asoebi, it means chika has been supporting her in other ways. so why the fuss on the morning of your wedding over asoebi?

    • polypoly

      June 26, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      I wont say the bride is sick…..sometimes u feel like u need a particular few people to be present at ur wedding/bday/event, cos they add something no one else can. I am that friend that will give all the fashion police tea on who wore wat and whose aso-ebi was a mess. call it wat u want, but I make the wedding fun for the bride….lol
      I was this chika friend once. I was away for work and couldn’t attend a friends wedding. bride text and complained how she really wanted me to be there. I apologized and told her na work cos am (mind you I gave a sorry gift 2wks in advance…lol). anywho, we continued to gist about all the gossip from the wedding prep, makeup artist wahala, etc. mind you I am not even her BFF, but we connect on that gossip/ “whats the tea boo” levels.

      probably the bride was hurt that chika wasn’t being apologetic about things. a bride is already stressed and you wanna form “Madam I don’t give a dam”; welp, don’t cry when brideZilla goes off on you….

  29. Nuna

    June 26, 2015 at 6:57 pm

    Please can someone tell me how Chika was rude and arrogant? I dont buy asoebi, I think its ridiculous. That is just me. I know many people who are thesame. I dont have anything against people who buy. The bride was extremely petty and very rude! It is very clear from her reply that she’s jealous of Chika’s lifestyle and angrily brought it up when it had absolutely nothing to do with the asoebi conversation. How childish can she get, mentioning the fact that Chika isnt married? Please she deserved all the catty responses she got!
    From the conversation, I can deduce that they are just acquaintances and not friends.

  30. Nuna

    June 26, 2015 at 7:02 pm

    Friend: I don’t blame you. You can’t buy ordinary asoebi but you just keep travelling around. I wonder who is your sponsor. I know other friends of ours who are wondering same too. You won’t go and get married and get a life. At least I’m settled, though my hubby has the money but we are not going on honeymoon at least for now.

    Just look at the above response. How someone can conclude Chika is the rude one is waaay beyond me. Seriously how can someone not buying ur asoebi evoke such a response? I tire for people!

  31. Laface

    June 26, 2015 at 7:24 pm

    Just to throw a different perspective to this discussion abi na gist…lol
    Anyway, if between 6am- 7am of the day of YOUR wedding, you have the TIME and HEADSPACE to discuss who bought or did not buy asoebi and then go on to CONTACT the said person, my dear, i am in awe of you.
    I do not know what most brides do on the morning prior to their wedding event but on my wedding day i spent the morning chatting with my girlfriends/bridesmaids who were all lodged with me at the same venue and then panicking that the hair and make up ladies were running late.

    Why would you spend your energy on such trivialities on your wedding morning? I am not saying it does not or shouldn’t matter how your “supposed” friends or acquaintancies treat you but Chic, check am naa, having this conversation on your D-Day tells me, You will be a difficult friend or even family member! Well, thank God you are getting/got married, you are going to learn a few lessons very quickly- such as picking your battles wisely. Otherwise, you are going to be singing Jordin Sparks “Battlefield” on a daily basis…

    As for Chika, Nne, come down from that high horse you are sprawled out on! You may have being looking for an excuse to end the relationship (considering you were not even attending the wedding, asoebi or not) but how you went about it also speaks poorly of you!
    A gentle answer turns wrath away but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1).

    • www.thelmathinks.com

      June 27, 2015 at 11:21 am

      You are the only person who has spoken my mind. I simply cannot fathom how someone can spend their wedding morning on such triviality. I have made brides up on the d-day and I have woken up with friends on their wedding mornings, and I’ve yet to see one who had the time to even remember their friends names, how much more who bought asoebi and who didn’t.
      I wasn’t going to comment but since I already am, my 2 cents is friendship….. YAWWWWWWWWN.
      Chika is an arrogant person and the bride is a petty person. They both need to get over themselves. Oh, and just in case they don’t already know, let me break it to them; they are NOT friends.

    • Aleesha

      June 29, 2015 at 1:01 pm

      God bless you for your response!
      Chika could have handled the situation better, but the bride has deeeeeeep issues! You call someone your friend, yet you harbor such thoughts about her lifestyle and person, to the point of insinuating that she is an aristo babe, and that you’re better than her cos you’re getting married, while she’s still single. Yet you want her to shell out her tainted money to buy your asoebi.

      As for Chika being conceited, I could say the same for the bride too, but in a perverse and childish way. What does the fact that you’re not going on your honeymoon yet, though you can afford it have to do with anything?????

  32. Laface

    June 26, 2015 at 7:37 pm

    As an addendum to my previous epistle, can anyone just imagine the state of mind this bride will be in during her wedding?- at least, for most part of the morning before she “cools” down. Why put yourself in this misery or position? I feel like scolding Chika right now!

    @ Writer, well written article; don’t stop writing!

  33. oj

    June 26, 2015 at 8:08 pm

    Why do girls’ friendships end becos of aso-ebi and wedding attendance? She did not buy my aso.ebi. i travelled for her wedding, she did not travel for my wedding. Do men care?Na wa for una o

  34. Bienvenue

    June 26, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    ”To the other issue in this article, why do some girls equate your support for their marriage ceremony to buying of the wedding material?”

    Seriously!!!! I want to ask: let us assume that my friend’s asoebi is 5k and i don’t buy the asoebi, but I package 20k in an envelope and give her on her wedding day, is there anything wrong with that? Well, my ‘friend’ actually saw something wrong with that and didn’t hold back in telling people that i was very unsupportive at her wedding 🙁 I felt very sad and upset at the outcome of the whole wahala…. Said ‘friend’ and i don’t speak anymore. Maybe I should have just bought the asoebi and sewed it. Maybe…

    • larz

      June 27, 2015 at 9:11 pm

      Thank you! Apparently, you have to make a public show of support by wearing asoebi that you really hate

    • AnchormanTheMovie

      June 28, 2015 at 12:11 am

      Some girls equate your support for their marriage to buying of the wedding material because that is what they are used to, Even in a romantic relationship with a man, sadly these same girls do the same. Money, wining and dining equates to love and commitment.

  35. Nigerican

    June 26, 2015 at 8:29 pm

    Ok, someone in highschool must have written this …the whole conversation is extremely childish, even the response of the friend who didn’t buy the asoebi had me cringing….no I lie, the whole read had me cringing. I pray no one has any friends like the two ladies in this article, they sound exhausting!

  36. D

    June 26, 2015 at 9:38 pm

    Ok bridezilla was use to disrespecting chika and making her feel like her opinion doesn’t count so chika decided to put her in her place.though why wait for her wedding day to do that.had friends like that cut 1 off and the other don’t care about her cause we only say hi on important occasions e.g b-day .thumbs up chika

  37. Blah blah

    June 26, 2015 at 9:41 pm

    ‘Friend’ snatched Chika’s boyfriend or crush. It has to be that Friend has done more than pester her to buy asoebi. Cos a natural friendly response would have been ‘I’m sorry hun I can’t afford it. Or I don’t wear it. Or we’ve gone over this many times you know I don’t wear asoebi’.
    A natural answer to your friend is not what Chika said up there. I don’t like asoebi. I don’t like to buy. But I would never talk to a friend like that. Plus if it were an acquaintance I would just ignore the person. Turn up in my dress. Dance and go home. Simples.
    The turn out of the conversation is ridiculous. Naaaaah. Friend definitely snatched the dude from Chika. Geraldine go back and ask her. She’s not telling you the whole story. Otherwise she’s just a b***h.

    • Blah blah

      June 26, 2015 at 10:00 pm

      I went back to read this again. And my goodness!!
      Chika: Don’t you like morning greetings? Or don’t you won’t a wonderful marriage? I can keep the wishes for when I get married myself.
      Clearly there’s more to the story and Chika was mad. And then goodbye to ‘supposed’ friendship? Friend obviously hurt her feelings on a mega scale. Snatching boyfriend, gossiping about her, stealing or whatever. Friend must have done something mega to Chika for her to already consider the friendship dead even before the conversation. If Friend did nothing and the whole conversation ensued because of asoebi then Chika is a grade A c*nt.

  38. Olanne

    June 26, 2015 at 10:04 pm

    I used to be friends with a couple of people. I was their cheerleader. Are you sad? Call me. Do you need encouragement? Call me. Did a boy hurt you? I will sharpen the knife, i will have a drink and we will forget about men. I was the ride or die. If i call you a friend which is rare, you knew my family, my family knew you. I would never ever gossip or speak ill of you. EVER. You see, i grew up as a tomboy and didn’t really have close girlfriends but the older i got, the more i loved my “sister-friends” however, the last few years have taught me that although you might cheer people, never hurt them, they will not do the same for you. I have broken up with men before and moved on but breaking off friendships of over a decade hurt me so bad and i mean BAD! One wedding in particular i was not invited to, i wish them well but i am glad that friendship ended. If i cannot be honest with you then i am sorry, you do not deserve my space. I did not go to one of my close friends wedding (the one mature enough to sit and talk things out) but she is not bothered. I couldn’t make it. I called her, i shared her pictures and i am genuinely happy for her.

    Don’t let anyone into your space that does not deserve it. Yes, i have much fewer friends now but i am living my truths and i am cheering me on. Too many fake people claiming to be friends, i can’t be bothered. Live and love.

  39. Bolanle

    June 26, 2015 at 10:23 pm

    This article and the comments are lacking in depth. In my opinion, the only quality required for friendship is love. Every other quality (patience, kindness e.t.c) are an addendum to love. Love is the prelude. If love is the guiding force, such trivial matters will never end the friendship. Frankly the dialogue reads like a couple of bickering elementary school students. Now i’m not saying that you will never fight. What I’m saying is that love should transcend whatever imperfections a friend has.

  40. Below average

    June 26, 2015 at 10:56 pm

    Im not sure these two were actually friends because no amount of anger would make true friends spew such to each other.

  41. S

    June 27, 2015 at 4:23 am

    I second your opinion. It’s. Not by force. Chika must have been cordial for a number of reasons. If you have the motto God will always provide then who no support or buy your asobi would not bother you.
    Its bc we r quick to label people friends, don’t do due diligence, and totally dependent on people….

  42. The real D

    June 27, 2015 at 9:32 am

    So i am really trying to wrap my pretty head around everyone saying Chika got issues. Because yes i am that friend that will respond the way Chika did. First, it is ok to have beef with someone but that should not negate the need for plain courtesy. I talk to my sister at least once a day and we still type or say “Whatsup/any gist?”. That’s our way of saying hello and then we will get down to the koko of the call, infact there are times that we would have forgotten why the other person called by the time the whatsup is over. My point is I don’t like rude and if you are rude to me there is a very high probability i will be responding in like.
    As for those i consider friends i can count them on one hand. But i have a particular friend, who i still consider a good friend despite family and other friends telling me i need to let her go but i can’t, the main problem people have with her is with her mouth…she is nosey as well as enjoys spreading tales. But i like her and she likes me, i got her back and i know she has mine so i tell everyone that has told me they don’t know what i am doing with her that there are some relationship that may appear like they don’t make sense but they work because to have a successful relationship first you have a major characteristic in common (in this case it is loyalty) and the others you realize you can work with and do just that, no one is perfect, myself included for people that like me, they have decided they know my flaws and are willing to work with it and accept me that way. I know my friend’s mouth is like a behind with bad case of diarrhea so I only tell her things on a need to know basis, if i don’t want people knowing then i don’t tell her until the very end and she has accepted that of me. I also have the tendency to be very blunt, blunt to a point where i lose empathy and sensitivity in many cases and i have hurt many a feelings in the process. But my friends know that if i say something it really does not come from a mean place, it is just the way i am, because i also hate when people try to beat around the bush with me if i am being a B-I-T-C-H…tell me that, don’t be sugar coating nothing and i actually appreciate and love friends who are that way with me and they know it, not that that is an excuse, i am working on the whole empathy deal and learning to get a feel of how sensitive people are before i open my mouth.

    • brown-ice

      June 27, 2015 at 2:39 pm

      Start a blog already. Epistle!

  43. berth

    June 27, 2015 at 4:39 pm

    Chika as for me didn’t tackle the conversation rightly.it’s always normal and natural for your friend to wish u present on that big day of hers dressed in her asoabi…as a friend you owe her that little sacrifice on her wedding day!!!

  44. Young mom

    June 27, 2015 at 4:54 pm

    This article says the exact thing dat happened btw my supposed friend. Shr knows i dont wear asoebi but was using style to impose it on me and hers is very expensive. I promised her i will buy but due to financial constraint as at the time of her wedding she started beefing me always calling me to pay up.when she could not take it she was yelling at me to buy bcos she had to pay the caterer and buy her wedding shoe. And there was family of her who i paid (gele) she did not give the gele and she did not refund the money.Today we are not best if friends and she is broke.

  45. AnchormanTheMovie

    June 27, 2015 at 10:17 pm

    Wow, that escalated quickly :D.

  46. nonamespls

    June 28, 2015 at 9:20 pm

    i think this bride had too much time on her hands o, i have been away for some years and travelling that distance for a wedding especially as i was not working just was not happening. some friends i would pay the ask ebi equivalent and tell them not to bother with the aso ebi as i won’t be around to wear it, some i simply did what ever i could afford and sent. so far i have not had any issues with my true friends we go way back and still going strong

  47. Exotique

    June 29, 2015 at 10:28 am

    Ok. I will only buy your aso ebi if 1. I love, need and can afford the fabric. 2. We are good friends i.e: we have connected on different levels and mutually appreciate each other. I will not buy aso ebi that I don’t like or sew a particular style just to please anyone. I must be able to afford it or ready to go the extra mile for you. My attending your wedding depends on; a. Degree of closeness b. My work/time schedule c. Location d. If I think it will be fun and worthwhile. On my wedding day, my friends will be expected to rock my colors in fabric or style that suits them. If they want aso ebi then they can arrange that amongst themselves. That is me, and if you don’t understand then we are not friends. Friendship requires sacrifice, yes, but please run from anyone that continually stresses you out.

  48. veeeeeeee

    June 29, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    The first line of conversation was from the friend saying I STILL CANT BELIEVE …….. and from chika’s response is obvious they quarrelled over it before and she is trying not to go down that lane again, hence the good morning and the wishes to end the conversation before it even started.This conversation is not enough for us to say what this or that person is.

    • honeymix...

      July 1, 2015 at 11:43 am

      Ilove you already for being so plain. We cannot conclude already from just this story. There is more to it.

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