Connect with us

Features

Oluwatosin Arodudu: Understanding Post-natal Depression For a Nigerian Mother

Published

 on

dreamstime_m_9044824According to Oxford Living Dictionary, Post-natal Depression is defined as “Depression suffered by a mother following childbirth, typically arising from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood, and fatigue.”
Postnatal depression is very common amongst new moms; but due to the kind of society we are, and live in, we tend to cover up a whole lot of things by putting up a brave face.

The arrival of a new born should bring joy and happiness into a home. Sadly in most Nigerian marriages, this usually becomes the season of family duels.

Extended families uses this opportunity to intrude into the marriage of the couples, they use this opportunity to flex muscles and play power. No one cares to understand that the woman has just undergone an excruciating season of pregnancy and delivery. All they care about is exerting their authority all around her… at a time she needs every form of understanding and care. Issues ranging from who chooses the first and second name of the child becomes an issue. She must enter into the kitchen immediately after getting back from the hospital and resume her homely duties. This becomes a topic and an expectation. Her demeanour is even judged in some instances, and conclusion is drawn on how she does not want anyone in her home.

In Nigeria we see lots of new mothers going through emotional pains, because people around them are not empathetic. They expect a new mom to snap out of the forlorn mood of delivery, this is very common amongst our old generation moms.
They use words like “oun k’era” (you are being too sensitive to pains. A woman should be able to bear all kinds of pain) Our threshold for pain differs. They spur the woman to quickly recover and be strong. There is nothing wrong in spurring her,  in love. They don’t give her the chance to feel pampered, tended, celebrated and well loved.
They forget that our own generation didn’t have to go to the farm or eat organic foods like they did in their own time which made them very strong.

The three most important things a new mom needs is empathy, validation and care.
Anyone who cannot empathise with a new mom has no business staying around her when she delivers because her reaction to the pain of healing and dull expression might irritate and piss you off, and this might cause you to create friction in her marriage. Some women can hide their pains and confused feelings after delivery by putting up a brave face. The ones who cannot, are very touchy and out of ignorance can misbehave to anyone when they feel overwhelmed by this depression.

I heard about a new mom who fought with her mother because she felt she was being bullied to observing her sits bath every day and the mom kept saying “idi e ma baje, o je je ka joo dada” (your vagina will get rotten, let’s press it very well) you better heal up quick so your husband doesn’t start flirting around, the mom was practically on her case every moment with harsh words and expectations. She felt choked. She couldn’t bear the disparaging comments again after a while and just told her mom to leave, according to her after all she would have peace and heal up easily without having to deal with her constant bullying and disparaging comments.

The feeling of post-natal depression is not pleasant. A new mom feels so open down there. Where she has had a caesarean section, there is deep excruciating pain. Don’t forget a human being just came out from there – a human being who has compressed, enlarged, mixed, shaken, scattered and changed her whole her body for 9 to 10 months. She feels very exposed and light. Her stomach and back are suddenly like that of a stranger… after the journey of 9 to 10 months. She has not regained her gravity and feels overwhelmed by the array of new emotions popping up. She feels very weak and fatigued, due to lack of sleep which she never envisaged would be that bad. Hormones are shooting up to the high heavens and all she wants is to just curl away somewhere from the whole world.

All she needs this time is deep understanding from her husband and everyone around.
It is no time to read meanings into her words and actions. Most times after delivery, a woman does not act herself. Although our society has taught us how to pretend as women, and keep mute about our feelings, but post-natal depression is uncontrollable for a woman who is susceptible to it.

I never knew I was going to experience it…even though I had read a lot about it. After I had our baby, I was messed up. I wanted to run away. We had to go out every day to get some registration done over here in Europe where we live. I was weeping uncontrollably every day we were out. My husband was so confused and helpless at the display of torrent of tears; it was very much unlike me.

I felt so tired, so weak and so sad due to lack of sleep. It took a while before I got excited about our baby and his arrival. Before then, I was just like a zombie and robot pushing through each day as it comes.

A new mom needs someone who can validate her feelings. Speak out what you think she might be feeling, ask her questions on her health and how she feels in specific places. Make sure you encourage her to carry out her sitz baths and all the treatment accurately and promptly. Don’t pass comments with an intention to hurt her. Serve her morning breakfast in bed… even if it’s for a week.

Encourage her, just show her absolute total care. She would deeply appreciate you. She would recover quickly and she would never forget your act of kindness. This would also enable her and her husband to adjust quickly and easily to their new roles as parents, without any friction or fights.

Note, if the feeling of depression persists consistently and horrible thoughts begin to come to your mind about hurting yourself or your baby, please see a doctor who would then refer you to a therapist immediately. Sometimes counselling by a professional will do, if the feeling is not lifted after a while, medications would be prescribed which you have to take so you can get well and get excited about life again. Hugs, and stay encouraged.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Oluwatosin Olajumoke Arodudu is a lawyer, a mediator, a negotiator and an arbitrator. She is a social change advocate and a mental wellness expert. She advocates for women’s rights and children’s rights. She is a publisher and the author of Motherhood and the Society, From the Perspective of the child, Life on the Street of Readlooks, The Deep Blue Sea and her soon to be released book IDENTITY. She blogs at www.oluwatosinarodudu.com

53 Comments

  1. Ade

    September 29, 2016 at 3:27 pm

    I love this write up, I went through a lot after having my first son nothing prepared me for the sleepless nights and I cried a lot on the naming ceremony day, I was exhausted. Family members kept calling and expected me to pick all call, the ones I missed got angry. I wish the in laws and parents that come to help read this type of article but they don’t have access to this type of media.

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 29, 2016 at 6:56 pm

      Waow, so sorry about your experience Ade. The call aspect is really an issue. Sometimes the body still aches, with all the activities one has to adjust to as a new mom, picking calls is usually the last on your mind.

  2. Olayemi

    September 29, 2016 at 4:44 pm

    I experienced this thing. No one even cared! None! I was shouted on and talked down to cos of it. I have learnt. If I go through again, I will just go to a corner and won’t talk to anyone. Nigeria is not ready for mental health.

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 29, 2016 at 4:49 pm

      So sorry about this Olayemi. It’s such a terrible place to be. I wish you a better recovery devoid of such issues next time. Hugs*

  3. horpsy

    September 29, 2016 at 5:01 pm

    I recently became a mother, nothing have heard or known prepared me for what I experienced. It was then I understood why new mums have depression. Thank God I had people around who deeply cared ND understood.

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 29, 2016 at 5:21 pm

      That’s awesome horpsy, nothing beats having understanding and caring people around when a new mom just delivers.

  4. Hmm!

    September 29, 2016 at 5:18 pm

    Mine was a nightmare!
    My so called educated inlaws became a bone in my throat right from my labour day.
    They wanted to fight their way to stay in the delivery room, made so much noise in the room after delivery that I never got to sleep, got home and I was the one bending to clean the house, even with heavy bleeding, they fought me over the baby’s names because they felt they were the rightful ones to give names and overall, I got disrespected and insulted under my own roof with asistance from their friends and compatriots. I was depressed for more than a year and only now beginning to slowly think about forgiving them. I still keep myself and the baby away from them till now. Will never open myself to such pain, ever!

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 29, 2016 at 6:44 pm

      Waow, your experience is so traumatising and I am so sorrry. I honestly can’t understand why some in law do these. Pregnancy, delivery and post natal periods are times when a woman needs the most understanding and care. It’s no time to ridicule and disrespect her.

    • Anonymous

      September 30, 2016 at 11:15 am

      This sounds so much like my story.I waited about 3years as i was never going to be emotionally ready to deal with those issues.I prepared myself before the birth of my second child ,got a nanny and all the help i could get so no one could boss me around in my tired state.

  5. mummybobo

    September 29, 2016 at 5:58 pm

    I had same experience, few days after I left d hospital visitors were coming to see us, I couldn’t sleep at night bcos my baby wud wake up like every 2hrs till 6am, and wen its morning I can’t sleep bcos each time I want to my the door bell will ring , I Felt so fustrated. I had to beg my mum to hurry up and cum ova. It was after my mum came DAT I regained my sanity bcos she Was very helpful always Like “eyaa NNE sorry ooh”. My husband wasnt helpful at all, he enjoys his sleep at nite. Thanks to mum am forever grateful to her, she saved me. There was a day I felt like running to d street mad (yes it went dat bad).

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 29, 2016 at 6:47 pm

      Running to the street made LOL, I understand you perfectly mummybobo. Nothing beats being pampered after delivering a baby. It’s heavenly, and every woman deserves it.

    • Mz_Danielz

      September 29, 2016 at 9:48 pm

      Eeyah God is your strength.

      An elderly aunt once told me that if I noticed my husband was sleeping through the baby’s tears at night, I should bathe and feed the baby, ensure he’s comfortable before I sleep and sleep through the tears asin form sleep. If hubby should wake you, form sleep, he will be forced to learn to pet the baby.

      I dunno if it works but I’ll definitely try it. Men rely on the fact that women can’t stand their children’s tears to cheat us. The baby is ours oh not just mine

  6. Weezy

    September 29, 2016 at 6:00 pm

    What you’ve described about the mother who was pressured by her mother in law to bath does not sound like depression but a normal reaction to idiotic relatives. Being fed up with being bullied is not the same thing as depression. I think we need to be careful about calling any bad feelings “depression”.

    Your experience on the other hand weeping uncontrollably and wanting to run away, feeling like zombie, sounds more like post-natal depression.

    • Grace

      September 29, 2016 at 6:12 pm

      Yeah…. we need to get better at differentiating sadness, stress and depression. I felt like the post was muddled up; didn’t know when she was talking about depression or other types of negative experience. All in all good read.

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 29, 2016 at 6:50 pm

      Thank Weezy for pointing that out. However it was just an example to describe what not to say to a new mom after delivery, and how sometimes it is better to heal alone and adjust to motherhood without hearing such disparaging comments.

    • hi

      September 30, 2016 at 9:27 am

      hello Weezy,
      I think what the writer meant is all these bullying just adds up to the mother’s feeling hence increasing sadness making her fall more into a depressed state.

  7. Grace

    September 29, 2016 at 6:13 pm

    Yeah…. we need to get better at differentiating sadness, stress and depression. I felt like the post was muddled up; didn’t know when she was talking about depression or other types of negative experience. All in all good read.

  8. BDA

    September 29, 2016 at 7:46 pm

    God bless you for this article. Nothing ever prepared me for this journey. Thank God for mothers. Mum was my saviour; she made me meals and all that. Baby is almost 3 months old now and I’m still trying to cope. God help me and every other mum trying to figure this journey out.

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 29, 2016 at 7:52 pm

      Thank you so much,and God bless your mom.

  9. zeebaby

    September 29, 2016 at 7:51 pm

    Nice article. But it doesn’t really go about describing real post natal depression. All the weeping and quarrels with inlaws are merely emotions and hormonal changes. Post natal depression is much more severe than this. Sometimes it involves hospitalisation of the mom. It’s a psychiatric ailment. It’s treated by a professional psychiatrist / behavioural doctor who wld treat clinical depression, bipolar disorder etc. And the tendency of repeating itself if medications are not followed through during the next pregnancy/delivery is high.

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 29, 2016 at 8:01 pm

      Thank you so much. Would calling it baby blues be better? But you know how Nigeria is, lots of mental illness out there, but because we are conditioned that certain illnesses are not for the black race, we overlook most of the people going through such, and encourage them to pray it through. Some moms just cannot find that happiness at the arrival of their babies for a very long time, they just act a script to make everyone feel all is ok. Meanwhile they are dying of sadness. One of the definition of post natal depression I found out in my research is “the inability of a new mom to access joy at the time she needs it most” Maybe we could say there are different levels of PND,

    • Nahum

      September 29, 2016 at 8:34 pm

      Well said!! Although, let’s not write off this article. The points made in this article makes post natal depression much worse. I really wish people, especially relatives in Nigeria can understand the meaning of SPACE!!! I never impose myself on a new mum until she is ready to receive me and I don’t stay for more than 30mins. Please you all should stop this madness of going to a new mum’s home and staying for days, expecting her to cook and clean. YOU ARE NOT HELPING HER! You are adding to her stress!!! Give her time to heal, cook something and take it over to her house, rather than going to her home with your greedy self and asking for food ?. Offer to help her with laundry, do something to ACTUALLY help her rather than making demands. Please we need to kill this selfish spirit plaguing Nigeria and actually be kind to others.

      And to new mums, stop feeling sorry for yourself and actually stand up for yourself. Lock yourself and your baby in the bedroom, take a nap, watch tv!! When the relatives are hungry, they will either cook or leave. Stop trying to make everyone happy and make yourself and your baby happy.

  10. Nahum

    September 29, 2016 at 8:34 pm

    Oops

  11. Ba

    September 30, 2016 at 4:49 am

    This is a great piece and enlighten. A new mother needs more care and attention from her hubby and he should manage the whole affair within those period.

  12. Chi Chi

    September 30, 2016 at 5:42 am

    Really loved this write up, as perinatal and postnatal depression is my PhD thesis, and so far, the study findings have been shocking and heartbreaking to tell you the truth. During interviews with some of the mums, I feel like crying myself, but I have to remain professional whilst being empathetic at the same time.

    I also concur that we need to differentiate mere anger or disgust with the in laws vs depression. I had a Nigerian lady here that people were telling her she’s just acting up, until the point hers got so severe to psychosis. Imagine the effects on her poor baby. I’m glad she finally got the help she needed. As Nigerians or Africans in general, the first step is to destigmatize mental illness as a whole and be open to talking about these sensitive issues. Motherhood is not a joke, and the effects of mental health in the perinatal period doesn’t just affect the mother, it also affects the baby over their life course (if not treated adequately).

    So in summary, get sensitive to issues on mental health, stop the stigma, and be open to conversations on these issues. I disagree when some say Nigerians are not ready for mental health. I think we are ready! We all just have am equal part to play in this discourse. Time will tell.

    Ps: I am always looking to interview some more mothers. If you’re interested, I’ll send you my contact info directly. Annonymousity will be guaranteed. Thanks 🙂

    • Arodudu

      September 30, 2016 at 6:21 am

      Waowww Chichi, thank you so much. I love your comment, and it’s such an eye opener. Thank you once again, and I really hope moms who have gone through this, or going through this would reach out to you for an interview, so we can create a better awareness.

    • tunmi

      October 1, 2016 at 2:12 pm

      Would you be willing to write an article for BN. This author did well in starting the conversation, could you add to this so as toimprove our understanding.

  13. Rynyx

    September 30, 2016 at 5:46 am

    I think that example was to highlight few reasons why depression gets worse with new moms. sometimes, people around us who should care contribute to making the moms depressed. Depression is in the extreme cases though. the milder one is called Baby blues i think, not very sure. i experienced similar cases with both my kids especially the first time. i had a bit of a traumatic post delivery experience where the doctor was trying to stitch me and sleep at the same time, horrible doesn’t even begin to cut it. By my 6 weeks appointment, i was alone with no help… i started gisting with myself, like have a full conversation and laugh alone. i talked to imaginary people on the wall, images i created for myself. i rejoiced when people came over and my emotions were in a completely scattered state. if not properly checked, baby blues can quickly degenerate into full blown depression and medical intervention may be required. Some of our doctors don,t even know what to advice moms going through this. We are really not ready for mental health.

    • Arodudu

      September 30, 2016 at 6:24 am

      Thank you Rynyx, so sorry about your experience. Yes the milder one is baby blues and if it’s not properly monitored, and the woman given time to recuperate in peace, it degenerates into PND. Thank you for understanding the reason why I gave that example of the new mom that sent her mom away.

  14. GraceOfGOD

    September 30, 2016 at 8:20 am

    @Oluwatosin Arodudu

    Good morning MADAM, I just want to say THANK YOU for this INSTRUCTIVE POST, I learnt a WHOLE LOT. May GOD bless and protect you in JESUS name I prayed, amen 🙂 🙂 🙂

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 30, 2016 at 8:39 am

      Amen, thank you so much for the prayers. Happy you found it so instructive.

  15. EBUNOLUWA

    September 30, 2016 at 9:38 am

    Let me share my own experience. Some months into my first pregnancy i was diagnosed with pregnancy induced hypertension, i was placed on some medication. Thank God my BP was stable up till the 37th week, so i was induced into labour. I had this 2 cut episiotomy, i was in serious pain it was so bad that i couldn’t walk properly. I didn’t lactate well, my baby would cry throughout the night, I was really depressing. I was advised to give my baby formula at 1 month old. It was really a stressful time for me, but thanks to my mum she did a great job. Shortly after delivery, I noticed this discharge that just won’t stop, i went to the hospital they kept on treating me with antibiotics not knowing that my episiotomy was not done properly, i was on pad for 6 months. I had to go for a repair which was more painful. After that my BP was still high, was advised to remain on medication, I just sank into depression. I didn’t know the signs but I knew something was wrong somewhere, always feeling hopeless. The thought of being on medication for life made me hopeless. But the moment I realized i was going thru depression i prayed to God to heal me, I started reading about God’s promises, and I found hope to live again. God healed me, he brought me out of depression and am happy now. If there’s anyone going through depression and you”re reading this, in God there is HOPE. It is only a dead man that has no hope. God is faithful, he will not let you suffer more than you can bear, stay bless.

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 30, 2016 at 10:25 am

      Oh my God, you went through a whole lot, so sorry. Waow, I am almost in tears. Thank God for His intervention, He is indeed able. Sending you a big wide hugs for coming back to your beautiful, boisterous self again. God is awesome.

  16. Omoluabi

    September 30, 2016 at 9:41 am

    Thank you sooooooooooooo much for this article Tosin. It shed so much light on PND. I just understood some things I went through better. After I had my son, I didn’t want him near me. No excitement whatsoever. I had just had a CS and the stress left me with Asthma attacks for weeks. The anesthesia made me cough and that tugged my stitches, it also stiffened my neck. I was a mess!!!! I was asked to breastfeed and I was upset, which breast? To whom? More so because I wasn’t lactating at all. No one cared o, they were all about the baby. My mom asked my aunts to take the baby away so I wouldn’t infect him with my bile. I felt so bad. How come I am not connecting with my new born?!
    After leaving hospital, everybody was waiting at the house. Aunty o, mother o, uncle o, cousins o. Do it like this, no it is like this. What kind of mother are you? My body hurt, my mind hurt even more. I cried, I cried so much. I still couldn’t carry the baby. Each time I looked at him I felt nothing. My husband was so annoyed with me. And he began to distance himself. He thought I was being deliberate. It took me a month to bond with my baby.
    You know that burning the body with hot water? It was done for me( out of love) within minutes all I heard was shouting. E ba mi gbe. Help me carry her. I was out cold!!!! Old school lapel almost had me at Saint Peter’s gate. LOL. My mum and mum-in-law finally figured out something was wrong and started praying. God brought me through that time. God did!!!! Only HE could, we didn’t even know what we were dealing with.
    I am better equipped with this article! Thanks again Tosin. God increase you in all ramifications in Jesus name.

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 30, 2016 at 10:31 am

      Ohhhhh, I so much relate with not bonding with your new born. Everybody expects the woman to automatically bound. But It doesn’t happen like that for some women. The psychological effect of labour and delivery, breastfeeding issues, having to wake up constantly to feed despite the excruciating body pains, an unsympathetic husband can further drive a woman down into the dark hole of PND. Thank God you pulled through, and thank God you devised a more suitable means for yourself at the arrival of your second baby. Big wide hugs.

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 30, 2016 at 10:32 am

      ……and I LOL at the ‘e ba mi gbe’, and old school lapel stuff, so traumatising.

  17. Isioma

    September 30, 2016 at 9:57 am

    Thanks for this write up. I remember when I had my first child, I invited my mother inlaw to come for ‘omugwo’. It wasn’t a very nice experience. She helped me heal the best way she could, preparing native soup for me to drink,massaging my body with hot water and looking after my baby. She didn’t cook or do house chores. She focused so much on the baby that she wont even allow me carry my child. I didn’t have a say where my baby was concerned. The lady that came to bath my child would bath her in a very rigorous manner that I didn’t like. But I didn’t have a say in that. My baby would cry so much out of pain and I would just go as far as I could so that I wouldn’t hear her cry because I couldn’t bear it.

    I was loosing weight and looking dark. My husband was not helpful. He would never take my side whenever I objected to how my child was treated. His excuse then was that we were new parents and should allow those experienced do what they thought was right.

    I had to bring myself out of my depression and try to be cheerful. I started eating well and looking after myself. Prior to this I wasn’t feeding well and couldn’t cope with breastfeeding my baby. Formula had to be introduced early as she was a heavy eater.

    I told myself that I would never again go through that experience. When my second child was born, my mum came. I took charge of every thing concerning my child. I bathed her myself. Feed her myself. Did my ‘omugwo’ by myself. I was so happy. My mum helped with cooking and washing and that was more than enough for me. I wasn’t depressed even for one day.

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 30, 2016 at 10:37 am

      Waowww, I can imagine. So sorry. It is a very traumatising experience not having a say as regards how your own child is being cared for. We appreciate the help as women, but new moms must be asked what and how they want their new born to be cared for. She has an idea of what she wants, she shouldn’t be neglected and treated as a dumped product after the birth of the baby. I am so happy you became strong, pulled through and devised a better means for caring for your second born. Big wide hugs.

    • wendy

      September 30, 2016 at 1:55 pm

      Why did you get someone to come bathe your baby? I don’t understand the logic of people doing so….

  18. Olivia

    September 30, 2016 at 12:49 pm

    Wow. So many horror stories lol. I’m so sorry for all the pains and stress you endured. I’m currently pregnant and expecting to deliver baby soon. The accounts I’ve read today, although informative and enlightening are also very frightening. I know being a new mum is generally not a walk in the park but does anyone have any good and encouraging stories? I’m very petrified lol. Any happy stories? It all seems like doom and gloom even though childbirth and motherhood are supposed to be joyful experiences. Any tips on how to cope?

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 30, 2016 at 4:43 pm

      Hi Olivia, not to worry, so far you have empathetic and deeply caring people around you after delivery, you would be so fine. You would lounge and enjoy the ride, though to be candid a bit of fear and nostalgia might creep in once it’s you and hubby that is left. However, by then baby is easier to grip and handle, and you would have learnt along the way, so your adjustment would be easier. Stay encouraged, it’s still a beautiful journey LOL.

  19. wendy

    September 30, 2016 at 2:03 pm

    I have always told people that you don’t need that extra help sometimes. Sometimes, that extra help becomes a nightmare for you… I went thru this with my husband. he thought that both of us could not do it alone. He learnt the harder way. My mum created a stressful environment for both of us.

    I just came out of my depression. i just told myself, that i am going to be happy, accept certain things, and ignore a lot of things. I was depressed because of what my mum put me through. I could not believe, changes in my body. People were also not helpful with the body image part at all.. ahh! So u get fat for body. ah! watch ur weight o! ah! na only one pikin u born na u fat reach sooo..

    I also thank God for my husband. He was very helpful. He was there by my side throughout the whole process…even nighttime feeding. he kept encouraging me..

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 30, 2016 at 4:39 pm

      You are right Wendy, sometimes the extra help becomes a huge nightmare and had I known. I am so happy your husband was there for you through and through, that is so encouraging. Hugs for coming out of the depression, better days ahead.

  20. Tolulope

    September 30, 2016 at 3:56 pm

    You’ve said it as it is sis.
    This is a very overwhelming period in every woman’s life, she needs support, love and patience, but it’s unfortunate that in this part of the world, this isn’t the case.

    I hope with more awareness such as this, people, especially family members and spouses will be more considerate to the plight of new mothers.

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 30, 2016 at 4:40 pm

      Thank you Tolulope. It’s such an unfair world in this clime. As we continue to create more awareness like this, I hope people understand better and be more supportive of a new mom.

  21. Mahka

    September 30, 2016 at 7:51 pm

    Thanks tosin. My elder sister just put to birth this morning.When her water broke,she called me crying;she sounded lonely even when her husband n his family were right there with her. I felt it n almost cried with her. I was so helpless that I couldn’t console her. It was a sweet moment, I could relate.
    Few hrs later,she called back,this time with excitement even in a weak state to say baby is out n all is well, I still felt like I was in labour as well. I know she’s in good hands.
    She’s such a planner, I kw she must have read up on post partum depression,still I ‘ll bookmark this for more knowledge…
    Thanks a lot…My parents just became grannies today. Praise God for us.

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      September 30, 2016 at 9:02 pm

      Awwww, so lovely. I am so happy for your family, hugs*

  22. Idomagirl

    September 30, 2016 at 11:21 pm

    So many of the comments here are so depressing and heartbreaking.
    Imagine going through all that with childbirth and you’re surrounded by people that do not have basic empathy, I can’t imagine…

    I don’t get this our tendency to dismiss someone’s pain, “snap out of it. Are you the first? You’re a woman, you should be able to bear pain” etc…

    We really need to do better.
    That’s why posts like this are important.

    • Oluwatosin

      October 1, 2016 at 1:59 am

      Thank you so much. Our dismissal and pain comparison is such a sad one. I look forward to a time when people would show more empathy.

  23. Mrs. Bee

    September 30, 2016 at 11:29 pm

    Thanks for this article. In my case, I had a perfectly normal pregnancy, no morning sickness, no vomiting, no nothing, and so I expected my delivery to be equally as smooth. So when I fell into labor, I was in labor for more than 13hours without much progress, I was diagnosed with a narrow cervix so I was rushed in for an emergency cs. After delivery, though happy and relieved the pain was over, I felt disappointed, as I had hoped to have a normal vagina birth. I felt ashamed to tell ppl I had my baby thru cs becos of sarcastic comments I have heard made about women who underwent caesarean. Still some of those who found out were quick to tell me how lazy I was though jokingly, but I never found the joke funny. Those who did not know about my cs would ask why 2weeks after delivery my tummy was still so big. U better let them massage this your tummy o. U are losing shape. All these comments I did not need, plus the sleepless nights and all. I struggled. Talking to a doctor helped, and over time as I watched my child blossom, any kind of worry or stress I had disappeared. I love him with my whole being, and feel so blessed. I later became more enlightened on the caesarean procedure and now know that it is ignorance that is affecting our society. Many unwanted deaths would be avoided if caesarean is seen as just another method of delivery. I have another baby and it was thru cs, and I am d happiest mum in the whole world.?

    • Oluwatosin Arodudu

      October 1, 2016 at 8:45 am

      Thank you Mrs Bee. People need to understand that a pregnant woman and a new mom is very sensitive to such comments. I honesty don’t get it when women who under go CS delivery are shamed. My God, those women are the bravest in my opinion. In a place like Nigeria, being wheeled into the theater, the fear in you, the fear written on family’s faces, sometimes a devastated and a weeping husband, the horror stories we have heard etc. I mean the woman should be overly celebrated and pampered for pulling through. Not shaming her and saying she is lazy. I heard of a case where the sister in law started saying to the woman right after her CS that she is bad luck to their family. That no one has ever had CS in their lineage. God I was shocked when I heard this. We women need to do more in the aspect of being sensitive to each other’s feelings. It will help us go a longggggg way. Happy you encouraged yourself Mrs Bee and pulled through. Big hugs*

  24. Olubusola

    October 1, 2016 at 1:19 pm

    Either through cesarean section or vaginal birth, as long as there’s a healthy mother and child, to GOD be the glory!!!!.

  25. Increase

    October 28, 2016 at 2:55 pm

    Sometimes health workers add to the stress of new mothers.When I gave birth my child was asphyxiated n had to be admitted but I was discharged on the 3rd day. When we got home mum in law was helping to massage my tommy n d next thing I heard was “won ni o pa idi mo Omo ni” that is I intentionally tighten up my cervix that is why my baby was asphyxiated after having a large tear and was tore up with razor blade.I cried out my heart that nite cos it was as if she mocked me n even anytime she has the opportunity she repeats herself not minding my mental n emotional health.I later realised it was the nurses that told my husband that rubbish n he in turn broadcasted it to his family.I tried to be strong n encouraged myself despite her complaints n insults at a point she asked me if I’m happy as my baby was admitted cos she was insisting that he should be discharged but I stood my ground that he should be certified OK before being discharged. When my baby got home was another stress entirely cos she insisted that we should be giving him nospamine,gripe water n Agbo everyday of WC I politely rejected n it led to a serious fight between my husband n i . moreover i didnt lactate well of which i told my husband n i was giving him formular too,but muminlaw insisted that i should be breast feeding alone,my little man will be crying everytime 2hrs i will still be breastfeeding n he will not be satisfied,i felt choked up in my home n I almost left the house for them had to be praying that she should leave my house. Many nights of bitter cries but thank God for my mother she was a shoulder to cry on n she always encouraged me with God’s word.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Get The Pan-Atlantic Advantage

Star Features

Advertisement
css.php