Heartbreak hurts, and there’s no denying it. Everyone will find a different way to get over it, but no one finds being dumped exciting. While it is easier for some people to get over it and move on, for some it is extremely difficult.
Being heartbroken feels like everything in your life is frozen; you are stuck in a little dark hole, falling and not knowing how to rise. Being heartbroken makes you feel laden; it puts a heaviness in your soul and takes the laughter out of your eyes.
Most times, it isn’t the fact that the person that once professed love to you stopped loving you, it is the way they bring the relationship to an end, that causes the hurt.
I have often wondered why people who once claimed to love each other cannot break up amicably. Most breakups tend to end on an acrimonous note.
It doesn’t mean that you guys must stay friends after a breakup, it just means that your heart doesn’t dish out a curse every time you think of your ex.
I have heard quite a few heartbreak stories. While I have had my fair quota of heart traumas, I’m thankful I never got told hurtful breakup lines.
So a friend of mine had dated a guy for four years. They were at that point when she expected him to make the next move. She had been introduced to his family and him to hers. They were good, and then all of a sudden, this guy stopped calling, stopped texting. My friend was worried; they had not quarrelled so she wondered constantly what she might had done and what to do to change things. She kept calling, texting him but he never replied. Of course, she cried herself to bed most times and skipped more meals than were healthy. Then one day, she picked up the phone, dialled his number and was so ecstatic when he picked.
“What happened? Why have you kept to yourself all these while? Did I do something wrong?”
A torrent of questions came tumbling down her lips. It was normal for her to assume that she had wronged him, hence his actions, but she was ready to apologise, if it would make them good again. The guy was quick to assure her however and put her out of her worry.
“No, you did not wrong me. It is just that the love I have for you has expired. Please try to understand. I hope we can stay friends.”
You can understand when I say her grief doubled. It was like her whole world came crashing down.
“Stop crying abeg. How could he say that? When you are not gala or Lacasera. He must be out of his senses.” I told her in exasperation when her grief was too much for me to bear anymore.
And then my “sister” went into a relationship. Very godly, spirit-filled one. I mean they prayed together, read the word together, set spiritual goals together, talked about life and all. It was perfectly normal for her to have felt she had found the one. But what happened? The same breach in communication, the same loneliness, the same self doubt, the same tears. I watched her repeat all what my friend had gone through. Obviously, her “One” didn’t think she was his “one”
The guy’s reason was: “I am not sure of my confirmation from God. Give me some time to be sure.”
Of course, she waited some months, almost five months, hoping and refusing to let go. Then she called him and he said “I don’t want to put your life on hold. It wouldn’t be fair to you. I haven’t gotten a confirmation yet. Please feel free to date someone else.”
Just like that! Yes! It was just like that…
I was talking about this topic with a close friend of mine very recently and he refused to accept that women get the bitter end of a relationship most of the time.
“Ayo, you cannot say so. It is just that guys don’t like to tell you their break up stories. Trust me when I tell you this”
We argued back and forth, trying to give instances to show that we were both right, but we got nowhere.
“I can’t accept this your belief o. You know what Sade said when she left me? ”
“What?” I asked.
“I called her to find out why she was misbehaving. I then asked her if we were still in a relationship as we didn’t see or talk often. She told me that to her, we were still dating, but if I thought otherwise, I should get myself another babe.”
Okay! You guessed right. I kept my mouth shut after that.
But really, where do people get these lines from?
When a person realizes that they do not want to be with someone again, why can’t they be civil about it and employ some tact?
Being tactful could mean that you help reduce the hurt the person would eventually feel just by using the right words.
Heartbroken and trying to live again? Here are a few tips for you.
#1. Don’t try to get the ex back, try to get yourself back!
Instead of devising means to get your partner back, focus on ways on bringing happiness back into your life. Read books, talk to friends, pick up a new hobby, start an exercise routine. The key is to focus on you!
#2. Feel the pain, accept it and learn from it.
Some peeps think running from the pain of heartbreak and refusing to talk about it would make the pain go away. It doesn’t always work like that. Instead of running from the pain, accept it, cry if you have to, feel the pain, think over it and then LEARN and then gradually, let it go! There is also a lesson in every heartbreak story.
#3. Quit stalking your ex!
Let them be. Stalking them on social media would not anyway bring them back or reduce the hurt. Focus on being better emotional and let things of the past go with it.
#4. Get professional help
This can never be overemphasised. Talking helps. If you cannot talk to loved ones, talking to a therapist might help you put things in perspective and lead you on the journey to recovery.
#5. Don’t rush into another relationship.
Getting a new partner doesn’t mean that your heart will heal faster. What works is for you to take your time, put things in perspective and decide what you want. Do not rush into a new relationship thinking it will help you get over your ex faster. It might actually cause more damage.
No matter how hard it is, you owe yourself happiness. You and only you can bring YOU out of that well of trauma, heartbreak and unhappiness…
Also know you that you can always love again. Love will find you in due time. Wait for it!
Photo Credit: Rawpixelimages | Dreamstime