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BN Confession Box: I’m Attracted to the Maid but My Wife Won’t Send Her Away

Nkem Ndem

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Hi guys, BN Confession Box is a feature on BellaNaija – curated by Nkem Ndem.

The Confession Box is our virtual confessor’s box where BellaNaijarians can let loose and say their deepest and rawest fears.
These letters are from you, and we’ll ensure that your identity is protected. Everybody needs some form of outlet or the other.

***

My wife called me a “f*ck husband” today. I am just weak. Women have issues! They know how to push a man to the wall …and the worst part is they will now claim right.

Before we got married we agreed that we will be open to each other – no secrets. Even if we ever got attracted to anyone else, we would be open and tell each other, so that we can support each other to avoid falling into temptation and ruining the marriage.

Yesterday, when I sat my wife down and told her to sack the new house help, she shocked me with a very dramatic reaction. I confessed to her that I found the house maid sexy, and it is a huge risk considering I am a coding engineer. I work from home every day. When she goes to work, it is just me and the maid. The temptation is too high; but instead of her being grateful that I opened up myself, she slapped me, then opened her mouth call me f*ck husband. What does that even mean?

If I did my runs quietly now, will she have the opportunity to open her mouth anyhow? Telling her was even a sort of last resort, because I have been managing my emotions for the maid since, and hinting my wife on how unfit the girl is. My wife said it took her too long to find a good house help and my ‘randy behaviour’ will not force her to send the girl packing… and that if she later finds out that I tried anything with the girl, she will divorce me. I am just tired of this.

If you are good, problem; if you are bad, problem. Women just have serious issues. I am just wishing I did not even say anything in the first place. The way she was shouting, the maid even heard everything. I am just regretting discussing the issue with her. In fact, I will never consider her in these kind of things anymore.

***
Do you have any confession you would like to make or shocking tale you’ld like to tell? Please send your story to features(at)bellanaija(dot)com.

Photo Credit: Kiosea39 | Dreamstime

Nkem Ndem is an energetic and highly accomplished Media Consultant who loves to help small businesses, especially women-led, grow their online presence using the right digital strategy or transition from traditional organizational boundaries. With years of experience in Copywriting and Editing, Content Branding and Strategy, Social media, and Digital Marketing, she is clearly obsessed with Digital Communications. She is the Head of Content and Lead Consultant at Black Ink Media - an Ideation and Content Agency that excels in providing fresh, creative digital services to content-centric businesses. Find out more about her at www.blackinkm.com or send her an e-mail at [email protected] Also follow her on IG: @nkemndemv, Twitter: @ndemv.

37 Comments

  1. Me

    August 6, 2017 at 9:59 pm

    His wife is just stupid
    Oha please do what you wish
    In short don’t wait for her to divorce you, kick her out and marry the maid.
    Nonsense!!!

    • Smh

      August 6, 2017 at 10:20 pm

      So you read this article and the best thing you could think of was that he should kick his wife out and marry the maid based on her being sexually attractive? A true idiot is what you are .

    • gia

      August 7, 2017 at 2:30 pm

      @Smh a natural born idiot!!!!!

  2. Mrs chidukane

    August 6, 2017 at 10:00 pm

    *chuckles* What I want to type is too long. I would feel very insulted if my husband told me that though. I wouldn’t hit him sha.

  3. HBT

    August 6, 2017 at 10:12 pm

    Thanks Darl for carrying me alone. Sexy house girl you need to go. #Hunky house boy required. I just pray you don’t find this one intimidating.

  4. Smh

    August 6, 2017 at 10:18 pm

    Your wife did not try at all! I want to see her side and say she was probably hurt or vexed by what you told her but you absolutely did the right thing. I would say give her sometime to calm down and come back and apologize to you and hopefully she will fire the maid. But know that you absolutely did the right thing and please don’t let her initial reaction stop you from being open in the future. Best of luck to you guys

    • Rainbow

      August 7, 2017 at 4:11 pm

      So you think firing the maid would stop him from cheating? Not at all. I commend him for being honest with his wife about his feeling but how long are they going do this for? Do they need the house help? If yes, Are they going to hire another one? Younger or older woman? Is this “Attraction to other people” only stays inside their house? of course not.
      They both need to have a serious conversation about the issue and put it to rest.

    • Smh

      August 7, 2017 at 7:13 pm

      @rainbow I get where you are coming from. Not saying it will stop him cheating but it might reduce the chance of him sleeping with that particular maid because as he said they spend so much time together in the wifes absence. Also, I think the fact that he approached the wife about it shows that he is at least making an attempt to prevent something from happening

  5. Wunmi

    August 6, 2017 at 10:34 pm

    Nkem this is a lie…..Next!!!!

    • Vee

      August 6, 2017 at 10:58 pm

      As the brain in her head that you is na

  6. Movado

    August 6, 2017 at 11:15 pm

    Nkem,
    Your stories are either too true to be true or too untrue to be true……next…….

  7. nene+

    August 7, 2017 at 12:16 am

    Wao ooo I wonder if the wife can also sack a pretty neighbour or pretty codding consumer ie his customers just because he lacks self control? Oga women do see more attractive men too. Control ya sefffff mr. man! I tot he was going to ask his wife to monitor the maid’s dresses.
    I have always said that men attracted by maids are glorified house boys! Madam send the lady away and push the chores to him.

    1
    • Biker Chic

      August 7, 2017 at 10:43 am

      @nene+ but the attractive people you see do not live with you all day, everyday. The woman is a fool and has left fire on her roof top and slept off. If the man fuck now you lot will complain. The guy is being honest wive is vexing. Why nau?

    • Mimi

      August 7, 2017 at 9:05 pm

      Consumers or customers are not living in the same house with him. This is someone he sees every day. They had an agreement which I think its ok. And personally, I don’t think he has a problem.

    • Miriachi

      February 12, 2018 at 9:25 pm

      This right here is d problem wit u ladies. She shud go on her knees n tnk God 4 d husband n pray God to keep sustaining his fidelity.

  8. barrister lawyer

    August 7, 2017 at 12:20 am

    Tales by moonlight.

  9. Tessa

    August 7, 2017 at 12:27 am

    All I want to ask is that are you helping your wife at home? Some husbands really are fxk husbands. They work, eat and fxk. No lifting of the finger to so anything at home. The wife will cook, clean, work, budget, grocery shop, do laundry, bathe the kids, play with kids, help with homework, cook, clean, pray etc Imagine the frustration of the wife to prefer the presence of the maid in her life over yours. Goggle the poem I need a wife too. It’s not just to be honest and not cheat. You have to help to make your wife’s life easier not harder. Bro search yourself well o. She might want to keep the maid and find a fk boy whenever she’s in the mood.

    • molarah

      August 7, 2017 at 8:54 pm

      But I hope you know your current tilt on the narrative is highly unnecessary and quite irrelevant…

  10. Really?

    August 7, 2017 at 1:37 am

    Super story. Stupid wife.

  11. Susie

    August 7, 2017 at 2:05 am

    It must be good to be a man. How will a man feel if his wife tells him she’s dreaming of screwing his friend or the garden boy? And how sympathetic would people be to such a wife? And would they call the a husband stupid for being angry that his wife wants to have ‘sekks’ with someone? But I guess women don’t have fantasies/feelings. Interesting.

  12. Iya ibeji

    August 7, 2017 at 4:49 am

    I don’t seem to be understanding the above reactions. Depending on how the matter is tabled before a partner, there’s absolutely nothing wrong in being open about such feelings with your spouse even though not everyone can handle it.
    Just because a man/woman is married doesn’t make them immune to feeling attracted to other people, what they do about those feelings is what counts. The bible says flee from all appearances of evil, so if it appears dangerous or might cause danger, flee. This case is dangerous because living with a maid you are attracted to will cause issues eventually if not handled properly.
    Poster, Tessa raised some valid questions, if you expect your wife to let go of a responsible maid, then you must be willing to take on more responsibilities at home. Also your attitude in the write up was a little arrogant and if you spoke to any woman about such a delicate matter with such a tone, you’ll most likely get a negative response.
    Talk to your wife again, don’t act like its your right or you are doing her a favour by not doing “runs” like you call it. She shouldn’t have called you names, so just sort it out and obviously that maid can’t stay especially since she knows about your discussion with your wife.
    Goodluck!

  13. Deleke

    August 7, 2017 at 6:37 am

    In what world would a man sit his wife down and tell her he is attracted to the help? I was in that same position with our French Au pair, was working from home and couple of times bumped into her in her undies. Kept that shit feeling inside and never for once even considered telling the wife. Did I act of my feelings hell no, because either way I would be at the receiving end. By fire by force sha, probably thru the wife’s prayers she kunkun packed her load and resigned unexpectedly.

  14. Tosin

    August 7, 2017 at 7:05 am

    It’s your house more than it’s hers actually since you’re home more, sack your staff if that’s what you need to do. All this woman owns the home sentiment, abeg.

    It’s not your wife’s fault that you got a slap lol, just emotions running high lol. In another world, you’d get to tap…never mind. Y’all I need a shag, I’m tired.

    • Nicex

      August 9, 2017 at 5:53 pm

      You speak rationally thumbs up. It was emotions that gave him the slap.

  15. Symbee

    August 7, 2017 at 7:54 am

    These confession stories always seem ‘non-realistic’….Anyways,most women woulda sent the maid off,before the husband even finished his tell-all

  16. queenjo

    August 7, 2017 at 1:25 pm

    What if the wife is attracked to the driver? Stupid, entitled men who needs to grow up.

    • Manny

      August 22, 2017 at 4:39 pm

      If it gets to the point where I confess to my husband that I am attracted to his driver, especially if I am in contact with this driver all day; after all other anti-temptation solutions have been tried, the only thing left to do might be to let go of the driver.

  17. Dee

    August 7, 2017 at 8:33 pm

    She called you that because it might be that this isn’t the first woman you are telling her about of being attracted to, she might have told you that because she’s exhausted with house chores and work and YOU and she felt the aid could handle a bit of her busy life, (not saying you don’t have any). It might also be that you didn’t train your wife to not use abusive words in your relationship and that’s why she has the AUDACITY to call you the F buddy, lol!

    Any the solution is this, if you sleep with your maid, two things will happen, you’ll regret and the other, you’ll wish you didn’t allow your third leg control you future.

    My Advice, train the man between your legs to be controlled by your mind and train you wife to stop using causing words. Lastly have fear of God, this goes to both you and the wife.The End!

  18. Theresa Doghor

    August 8, 2017 at 1:14 pm

    Is there another Tessa here?
    Lmao! When did Nigerians start bearing Tessa
    Nasty people can’t help themselves
    When they should be making a headway with their lives
    They too busy trying to frame other peeps

    Anyways my mama always said, an idle mind is the devil’s workshop
    Get busy doing something worthwhile stalker.

  19. Nicex

    August 9, 2017 at 5:55 pm

    Women and emotions. I need not say more.

  20. Cos.I.Say.So

    August 11, 2017 at 11:56 am

    Im a married woman and trust me when i say this, marriage does not automatically immunize you against other people. Its hardwork, communication and common sense.
    The man should have told his wife that he does not like the way the maid stares at him when she is not around, im sorry i know this is exaggerating but it will get the job done without causing marital issues
    My hubby is thankfully very religious but knowing how attracted he is to certain physiques, i was very careful in selecting a help. I will nor comma and say because he prays everyday, i wee now byforce change his prayer point to “save me from temptation Lord”, there are other more important things to kabash about.

  21. Dammie

    September 5, 2017 at 5:12 pm

    I will never understand why the man feels like he did his wife a favour telling her that he is sexually attracted to the maid. I wish the situation was reversed and it was the wife confessing that she found the gateman or cleaner sexy and was worried she’ll be tempted into having sex with him in the near future, I would love to see how understanding the man will be. Why are men so quick to dish out what they cannot take? It’s tiring. Anyway, it was nice the man was honest, but he shouldn’t be angry at his wife’s reaction because he would have probably reacted the same way if the roles were reversed.

  22. bea

    September 19, 2017 at 9:59 am

    My former boss who was a pastor used to abuse his maids.
    He told me then it was like a curse because he did not like it but he always found himself doing it.

    Interestingly i saw him as a victim of circumstance then now i know better.

  23. aurora

    September 24, 2017 at 4:06 pm

    how is it his house more? dont be daft

  24. Temi Tope

    January 2, 2018 at 5:41 am

    ALL THESE STORIES ARE CRAPS… LIES… JUST TO ENTERTAIN US…

    ALL AFRICAN WEBSITE… SOCIAL MEDIAS.. HAVE THESE KIND OF STORIES… FICTION..

    BUT HEY GUESS WHAT??? AFRICANS ARE SMART NOW.. THEY ARE NO LONGER FOOLS..

    BUT KEEP ON POSTING THEM.. THEY ARE FUN

  25. Beauty

    July 24, 2018 at 4:56 pm

    Will you please just stop with the generalisation Not all women are daft like your wife. If she insist on keeping the maid, her problem and I hope she doesn’t run her mouth shouting blue murder. How could she have a time bomb in her house and still goes about like there is nothing? And you man!! Learn to control your emotions abeg! Some men sef!!.

  26. Karen

    October 3, 2018 at 11:06 am

    Honesty the damn word everybody want to be honest and real but honestly honesty sucks Lol honesty hurts and nobody will never admits it

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