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6 Problematic Things that Nigerian Men Have Been Raised to Believe

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There is the ‘educated’ notion that a man cannot really be defined by his place of origin, rather his behavior patterns stem from his personality and beliefs. Men who originate from Nigeria (Nigerian men), however, have unanimously defied this premise, as they are popular around the world… for certain characteristics now attributed solely to them.

Of course, there is the good and the bad.

The Good: They are generous (always willing to spend money); they are intelligent, innovative and excellent in business, as well as with their jobs. They tend to dominate whatever environment they find themselves in and take charge when needed. They are also reportedly good in bed.

The Bad: They are con artists, heartbreakers, deceitful, mean–hearted, not to be trusted, uber-cocky, carelessness spend money on random women and frivolities, and are just unnecessarily randy.

While this is normal, every human has good and bad qualities, there is a chance these Nigerian men only have these traits, as a result of the way they are raised.

It is no secret that the Nigerian society is patriarchal; as such, the men are not only granted unfair advantages upon birth, they are also raised to believe certain notions that can be harmful. This eventually creates problems for not just the men, but the society and world in general.

Here are a few problematic things Nigerian men may have been raised to believe:

Monogamy is a Myth
The Nigerian man grows up watching his father cheat on his mom, while his mom cheerfully looks the other way. He sees his brothers sneak different girls into the house, and other male figures getting away with randy behaviours. He then grows up with the mindset that monogamy is the last thing he feels he owes a woman. He only feels complete when he cheats on the women he is dating, or in a relationship with.
Even if he is in love with her he still keeps side chics or even baby mamas. He is hardly bothered that the female feels hurt, used, and uncared for. He expects women to accept it as a reality of life, because he believes monogamy is a myth.

It is essential that he realizes that monogamy actually is practical and can be achieved. It is weak of a man to hide under the assumption that monogamy is a myth. Monogamy and fidelity are actually attainable traits; you just have to discipline yourself enough to pull through.

He Cannot Cry or Show Emotion
“Boys don’t cry”

Nigerian mothers and fathers ram that into the heads of their sons from a very young age. They are discouraged from sharing their feelings with one another or from having feelings at all for that matter, right from a tender age. Feelings would make them a ‘sissy’ and less of a man. Raised with this mentality, they bottle up their emotions and learn to only express them via anger or mean spirited acts. They become heard-hearted, lacking empathy. And worse, since they believe the female is the one who can have emotions, they believe that the female owes them some kind of free, maternalistic, emotional labor.

The truth, however, is that the Nigerian male, just like the female has tear ducts. He can actually produce tears if he tried. He has hormones as well and can fell things just as the female. It is okay for him to cry, to feel jealous, crave a massage, scream in fear…e.t.c All these do not make him any less of a man. It only makes him human.

He Has to Preserve the Family Name and Bring Home the Bacon
Nigerian men are raised with the belief that they will eventually be the breadwinner of their own families. They will have to go to work, make money and provide for themselves, their wives, children, and even extended family members who cannot help themselves. He is supposed to earn more than his wife, and upon marriage, the wife will have to take on his surname and bear him sons, that will pass on the family name. She will be humble and be the neck, while he remains the head.

This mentality is fostered by tradition, culture, and religion, but it is not necessarily the truth of his existence. This belief puts a lot of pressure on him and also sets him up such that he has expectations that may not even be realistic. These expectations cause problems in his marriage or lead to depression.

No, a man does not have to be the bread-winner; his wife can take up the role, if she earns more and has better work ethics. No, the wife must not take on his surname, unless she wishes to. And no, he does not have to pass on the family name. the same family name will probably not exist in the next 1000 years, so why all the pressure?

 

He Is More Intelligent Than the Woman And Women Are Not As Important As Other Men
“Why would you let a girl get a higher mark than you?”  “How can you be here and your sister is answering all the questions?”

Right from a tender age, it is ingrained in his mind that being a male means he is the more intelligent sex. He grows up with an almost strong disregard for women. If he goes to see a doctor and it’s a female, he will request a male; if a woman in an Uber pulls up to pick him up, he will cancel the trip because “he cannot come and go and die”. If a woman does better than him socially or professionally, he feels terrible. Sexually, he likes to control women and gives little or no attention to their sexual pleasure: he doesn’t bother with foreplay and only likes oral sex as a recipient. He is different with men though. He will be late for appointments and dates with women, but be quite punctual with men. He may suddenly disappear from a relationship without ending it, but will fight to resolve relationship with his bro; he makes a promise to another man, he will keep it, but with a woman, he won’t be bothered. Even when he is in a relationship or married, he will talk endlessly to her about their lives, even ask for her opinion, but as soon as the conversation wraps up, god forbid she starts talking about her hard day at work! His eyes glaze over with boredom, and suddenly he realizes that he cannot stand gossip. Unfortunately, being a male does not mean you are the more intelligent sex. Both man and women are born equal.

He Should Be Able to Get Away With Anything
“Leave him, he is a boy”, “boys will be boys”

These comments suggest that being male in Nigeria means you can get away with just about anything. The gender socialization in patriarchal contexts prime men, not just take on positions of power, but also to believe that they are almost invincible. He is raised to feel a sense of ownership and entitlement over almost everything. An average Nigerian man does not understand why a girl would say ‘no’ to him and live happily ever after; why a company would deny him a job if nepotism is not involved; or why he should have to control his consumption of alcohol. He believes that he should be able to wield a certain amount of authority and power over every situation; otherwise, it is perceived as a mark against his masculinity.

The truth is, being a man does not absolve you from certain responsibilities. You remain accountable for your actions despite your sex.

 

Pride is Paramount
The average Nigerian man is cocky, controlling, and self-centered. This is probably because he is raised to believe that he is not a man if he does not have pride. To maintain this pride, he pretends to be what he is not, and engages in dubious activities… just to put up the expected façade. During a conversation, they won’t know anything about it, but they will give their own opinion and try to even force it down your throat. They will go bankrupt purchasing an item just to prove a point, or even sell his house to earn a title. It is great to have a measure of pride in oneself, but at what cost?

So think about it slowly and carefully… progress comes when you’re able to unlearn and relearn things in life. Don’t be stuck in the rut. The world is moving forward, and so should you.

Photo Credit: © Kadettmann | Dreamstime

40 Comments

  1. Kelechi

    November 29, 2017 at 4:41 am

    Why this might all be true. It is very evident that majority of women in Nigeria prefer this type of men, as opposed to a refined gentlemen. I have met lots of ladies who get unresistably attracted to me cause of these tendencies most especially pride and telling them what to do. Let’s be honest, most these ladies don’t know what they want, you have to impose it on them. It is almost as if they crave to be subdued. Although I don’t particularly enjoy my actions, but I have to stick to them to stay on top of the food chain.

    3
    • Anonymous

      November 29, 2017 at 5:04 am

      You meet a lot of these ladies because that’s the kind of woman you can afford and I don’t mean money.

      I once told an older male friend that only 2 types of women can date him: a naive or insecure woman, that’s all.

      If you meet a woman whose composed, you’d begin to say things to discredit her just to justify the fact that she doesn’t like you.

      That said, a lot of Nigerian women are trained to have a certain level of low self esteem,a certain timidity when it comes to men so somehow the equation balances. That’s why it seems feminists here are angry, they are rejecting society’s boundaries.

      Every day I live, I bless God for my mum, she married a good man successful in his own right but a very good man and together they raised wise sons. My elder brother would have ended up like the men above but my parents stamped that stupidity out of him.

      8
    • bidemi

      November 29, 2017 at 6:29 am

      its not about nigerian men.. its the fact that there are certain women who prefer this traits knowin fully well that they will be the one to bear it in future, but alot of women just cant resist a bad boy. .. to be honest ive seen these traits more in other African women than in Nierian women… alot of women thin a gentleman is boring..

      This article may be true, but unfortunately not unique to Nigerian men.. i can tell you for free that almost all the other African men do this.. infact some are even worse.. and i know this from personal experiences and that of close family and friends who ive had to watch go through hell at the hands of African men…

    • Christiana

      August 11, 2018 at 4:58 pm

      In Africa, Nigerian men are still the best and still hot cake everywhere. If you’ve been to most part of Africa you’ll understand why. We Nigerians don’t always value what we have. It in our DNA.

    • Loki

      November 29, 2017 at 6:35 am

      Ever heard of the Law of Attraction? It might be a load of bull, but the fact Is, we tend to attract what we want subconsciously. Have you thought that maybe, just maybe those are the sort of women you have experience with because subconsciously you like women who let you make all the decisions and direct the course of their lives and so those are the sort of women you pursue? There are insecure people of both (or all) genders. Controlling women also tend to attract men weaker and less secure than they are. It doesn’t mean all men are weak and cowering. Also, your confirmation bias may make you interpret your dating experiences along the lines of your pre-existing beliefs about women. Maybe try something different. You might be pleasantly surprised.

      2
    • kelechi

      November 29, 2017 at 8:09 am

      Believe me, is not a question of affordability. Although I agree quite a few of them know what they want and an infinitesimal number know how to get it. They are the numero uno amongst the abundant damsel in distress. In fact, I have actually being involved with one. A true modern day feminist, career driven, high self esteem. She has achieved a relative successful career as she has a dozen of people under, and I like to see her win. Whenever I see her doing her thing, it gives me joy, as I see her as mini-me. Best believe it also a great turn on.

      But at the end of the day, she always looked back to me for an approval or at least a nod. Not that this is wrong, as we all need advice here and there. However, any slight doubt on my part throws her ideas and believes into chaos.

    • Dubem

      November 29, 2017 at 9:17 am

      How is it evident that majority of women prefer this type of men biko? It has nothing to do with being a gentleman but treating women like how you want your sister and mother to be treated. No one is struggling for male power with you or wants to compete with you for anything because no one is immortal or greater than God,but it’s such a pity when we know something is bad but still do it in order not to be perceived as weak. It all has to do with mentality and having a conscience in dealing with people.

      3
    • Ronica

      November 29, 2017 at 12:24 pm

      Supply and demand. The Nigeria man who fits this description is formed by society and accepted by the very Nigeria woman who complains when it doesn’t suit them. The article is correct in referring to the problem being how men are raised. In addition, how Nigerian women love their Nigerian men.

    • Jummy

      November 29, 2017 at 1:37 pm

      Kelechi to bounce off what you later mentioned about the lady who’s a career lady but still wants a nod of approval from you.

      I can relate to that a little bit, but not in the same exact manner. I don’t think she values your opinion because you’re a man. I think she does because you matter to her.

      I value the opinions of my boyfriend, my best friend, and my mum. If I ask for an opinions or advice and any of them disapprove of it, I get super worried and start to reevaluate my plans. I get worried because they matter to me, regardless of sex.

      So maybe your girlfriend just values your opinion because you mean a lot to her, not because you’re a man.

      4
  2. OJ

    November 29, 2017 at 5:46 am

    Oh my oh my….one of them article about naija men again..Una no dey tire???

    1
  3. Loki

    November 29, 2017 at 6:26 am

    Erm… I get the angle of this piece, and Nigerian society definitely has a big problem, but it just seemed a little… hostile I dunno. Yes, society needs to evolve but in my small experience, people tend to listen to me less when I come, guns blazing. You might get better success though. I’ll see what the rest of the BN gang thinks.

    • bidemi

      November 29, 2017 at 7:15 am

      i actually agree with you.. i picked up that tone aswell

    • Jummy

      November 29, 2017 at 1:33 pm

      Loki I think we may have clashed once or more times here but one this one I agree wholehearted with you. The article is hostile and makes it seems like Nigerian women are victims and are blameless.

      Nigeria women too have a lot of issues they need to deal with. And if you had made the time of the article something like “Nigerian women and men have problematic beliefs, but today we’ll be focusing on the men” then maybe I wouldn’t have gotten that tone from the write up.

      Trying to solve the inequality between the sexes by being hostile and brash will go nowhere. I’m talking about both sides. We both need each other in many ways than one. And the only way to do that is to look inwardly (ON BOTH SIDES) and look at the ways we can better.

      Making it a man v woman thing is not gonna get us anywhere.

    • Loki

      November 29, 2017 at 2:11 pm

      @Jummy, I don’t recall clashing with you. Then again, I have a very short attention span on social media….

  4. NotFakeNews

    November 29, 2017 at 7:16 am

    GBAM.
    Men in Nigeria are like babies – they want to be catered for and slaved over, will throw a tantrum and act irrationally when their fragile egos get brusided and expect to be excused for bad behaviour because ‘boys will be boys’. While at the same time thinking they are kings that know it all, deserve it all and are above women. Schewww
    Women that continue to foster the status quo in Nigeria are worse! Lack of education, misguided religious doctrine, marriage craze and lack of independent thinking is constantly weighing us down.

    9
    • LemmeRant

      November 29, 2017 at 11:47 am

      Gehn gehn…

      Online warrior. Defender of the sith. Warrior of the 3 kingdoms. Queen of the north. Leader of the bellanaija realm.

      Na so mouth, mouth una get.

  5. AceOfSpades

    November 29, 2017 at 8:00 am

    The reason why some men don’t like women who earn higher is because very many women rubs it in their faces and men also do this to women. That is a human flaw and it has nothing to do with gender.

    You talked about men fulfilling promise to other men but won’t fulfil to women but you also contradicted yourself towards that aspect. You are wrong about this.

    Pride is not a gender thing. Lots of women have this issue too but the focus is on men. Have you met a woman who is married to a top military officer? Or Governor or some minister? Majority of them have pride the size of planet earth. Difference is some men without power have stupid pride but most women wait for power first to start showing the stupid pride.

    So many women say ‘I like a man who knows what he wants and is in control’. If you aren’t cocky to an extent (pls bear in mind that there’s a line between being cocky and being an a**hole), you can’t know what you want and stand on it so yes women do like men that are proud/cocky. I do not want to use the word confident because confident sounds posh. Goodluck Jonathan that isn’t cocky or proud, look where all the meekness got him to.

    You talked about bottling up emotions but whenever a guy goes on a rant, almost everyone on BN (which we all know has very high % of female readers) starts to accuse the man of talking too much and not being matured and being childish blah blah but when Tonto Dike or Toke Makinwa and their likes starts to rant, people take sides on who is wrong or who is right. No one thinks she’s childish or immature.

    • Jummy

      November 29, 2017 at 1:38 pm

      Everything you pointed out: SPOT ON.

  6. CIki

    November 29, 2017 at 8:06 am

    Spot on! this is exactly the kind of Nigerian man that is roaming the street here is SA.

    1
    • Iklc

      November 29, 2017 at 12:49 pm

      Well you have to make do with them afterall its a woman like you that raised and formed them. I wish you good luck

    • bidemi

      November 29, 2017 at 1:58 pm

      loool if you are a woman from SA then the reason why you get such is because its what you look for..

  7. Uberhaute_Looks

    November 29, 2017 at 8:18 am

    We need to unlearn certain things and embrace others…and it starts from family unit else, the society if it continues like this will totally break down.
    Késekése le sì rí, kàsàkàsà n bò lónà (if are orientation isn’t available now, there’s going to be a lot of destruction in future)

    1
  8. Mrs chidukane

    November 29, 2017 at 8:24 am

    This article is so spot on. For us who are Igbo,living in the east, you deal with men like this everyday. You will be talking to one small boy that was born when you were already an adult, he will be looking at you with disdain. Next thing you’ll hear is how can a woman… I remember a house help telling me when I was quite young that my younger brother was more than me. That I should be washing his clothes because he’s male. Even my moms staff berating us for not doing my older brother’s laundry because he’s male. Many Nigerian men are very hard hearted. God will help us as parents to raise well rounded kids.

    1
  9. Remi

    November 29, 2017 at 8:52 am

    Waiting for John, I don’t know why but I missing him here.

    • Weezy

      November 29, 2017 at 8:31 pm

      Because you value a man’s opinion over women’s.

      1
  10. Dubem

    November 29, 2017 at 9:10 am

    This article is so on point and is the blatant truth. Most men will definitely object but it doesn’t change the fact that Nigeria is full of male chauvinists and that attitude has already been imbibed in them. Once, you try and make a point with this powerful article, you will automatically be branded as a feminist and a man-hater. But the upbringing of most girls should also be strongly considered as a lot of families raise girls with the mindset of not achieving much and marriage is a gold mine and lottery every female should struggle to achieve. Great write up and I hope God helps us in this country.

    3
  11. Side chick

    November 29, 2017 at 9:12 am

    This is propaganda pushed by the feminist agenda.

    1
  12. THE MUMMY

    November 29, 2017 at 10:06 am

    God forbid i be the bread winner. Oloun maje. Back to sender. I have a good business, i make my own money and my husband is doing very well. I am not in competition with him, dragging position with him. My husband will remain the breadwinner in my home. If you wish to be the one feeding and clothing your husband, may it be unto you as you wish. Amen

    • John

      November 29, 2017 at 11:12 am

      Not suprised…This article looks like it was ghost written by Nkem Ndem and Cici eze..bunch of hypocritcal femtards… everytime men men men….Nigerian men are not the only men , u are free to marry men outside Nigerian, no one is holding you…. the women that stab their husbands ..I wonder the kind of upbringing thay have..fish brains..Nigerian women are the worst of the worst in the world…
      hypocrisy=A ( even though na dem full church)

      Wickedness and abusive ( especially on thier maids and step children = A..
      The only reason the don’t beat their husbands is bcos men are stronger ..simple

      Entitlement= A

      selfishness =A

      Keyboard wariors and feminists( aka women empowerment and equality only done ONLINE = A

      Nagging and complaning = A

      it is only a Nigerian woman that will first of all flirt and cheat on her husband/boyfriend and will turn around and accuse her husband/boyfriend cheated of cheating and say men are scum and suddenly becomes a femtard( especially online)
      ….
      @aceofspades …. You talked about bottling up emotions but whenever a guy goes on a rant, almost everyone on BN (which we all knowhas very high % of female readers) starts to accuse the man of talking too much and not being matured and being childish …..Your right , there is an article right now about ubi franklin talking about sucide and depression..just take a look at comments over there attacking him……………..
      Tunder wil fire any hypocrites who will try to come at me

    • John

      November 29, 2017 at 11:21 am

      I Say Amen to that as well….the truth is that feminism is only done and lord over poor, weak and beta males…..any woman who doesn’t answer her husband surname is richer and wealthier than her husband…or comes from a more influntial family than her husband …she is the one that feeds and clothes the poor guy ( who has no choice)…she even gives him pocket money..why do you think majority of men when they now become richer( or God has finally pick his call) they immediately leaves the wife..the wife will lament to those who care to listen that she was with her husband when she was poor but now bla bla bla ..Na lie…the man knows what he suffered( both psychological and mentally)under the woman in his poor state.

    • Just Saying

      November 29, 2017 at 9:29 pm

      It’s confirmed you are COMPOUND FOOL. Can you not debate/argue your point without cussing? How did people like you find your way to this blog?

      How I miss the likes of Mz Socially akward. Bleed blue. Bruno (yes Bruno) California Fighter brawler l mean. Fashola’s Lover. Who Cares. A Real Nigerian. Ajala and Foodie. The Original Anon. Commenters whose mastery and command of the English language couple with brains makes debates here enjoyable.

      In this new dispensation, I like Loki. Biker Chic, Bia. Amongst the old brigade, I like Engoz, AceofSpades.

      @The Mummy, this is not Jankara market. Behave yourself.

  13. John

    November 29, 2017 at 11:24 am

    *thunder*

    • buki

      November 29, 2017 at 1:03 pm

      Reading your comments John, I feel for you… in a weird way, I’m sorry for whatever made you into this. How can you be so bitter and totally disrespectful to women? I imagine what you would put your wife and kids through with this attitude and I just shudder…

      To all women, I can only say please read Sheryl Sandberg’s ‘Lean in’… I wish I read it a long time ago while climbing up the ladder and learning about life and being female …

      1
    • Momo

      November 29, 2017 at 1:52 pm

      Awww @john ..lol ..we always await your take on feminine issues

    • Loki

      November 29, 2017 at 3:11 pm

      John, I’m wasting my time here but just have sense, small. “Only women richer than their husbands keep their own last names after marriage”? Do you even think at all? Has it occurred to you that the taking of a husbands last name is a Western practice? I’m sure my illiterate great grandmother couldn’t spell her name let alone see the need to write to the dailies after marriage to tell them she was taking her husband’s name. It makes me laugh when I see people claiming that women keeping their last names is what is “destroying African society”. A practice we imported from Europe. In ancient Arab cultures, a person was referred to as son of xxx or daughter of xxx till the day they died; regardless of their marital status. Now, I’m not certain what ancient African culture was but I’m 100% sure my great grandmother was not Mrs Anybody.
      I’m not saying no woman should take their husband’s names- I personally prefer everyone in a family to have the same name, but women should be able to make that choice without neanderthals like yourself spouting garbage without restraint. And there is no thunder that can fire me this hot afternoon so save your breath.

  14. John

    November 29, 2017 at 1:54 pm

    @buki I say thunder fire you and you self-analysis..it is my comment Take it or leave it…if you don’t like it , jump and pass…I am not here to please the likes of you.

    • Kiko

      November 29, 2017 at 7:40 pm

      You can’t even please yourself, talk less of anyone else.

      2
  15. maker

    November 29, 2017 at 4:52 pm

    i strongly suggest u write a post about 6 things blogs in Nigeria should stop doing. You don’t write a post and be on the conclusive. I’m totally disappointed here I must say cos b4 now I held this blog in high esteem but apparently u r made of the same stock as d rest. no man in my home was raised with your said standards. pls I also suggest a memo be sent out that this is a blog for women and men should stay away.

    2
    • The real dee

      November 30, 2017 at 4:17 am

      You know it’s kind of sad though. I’m a woman and there seems to be a lot of men bashing articles/ comments on this blog. I had to even stop reading sometime ago because if you disagree, they’ll insult you, call you a man disguising as a woman, or a docile woman who wants to be trampled upon by men.

      Why the men bashing? Why? Don’t some of these people who love bashing men have fathers, brother, husbands or sons, are these men in their lives also scum?

      Now this does not excuse some men on this blog who have no other job but to insult women especially black women, who feel they should have been aborted. Men bashing is bad, women bashing is equally bad.

      1
  16. Brainstorm

    November 29, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    I doubt this article will drive home the point it intends to (I’m not even sure of the point sef).

    Read these excerpts (full of generalisations and untruthful sentences):

    1. “The Nigerian man grows up watching his father cheat on his mom, while his mom cheerfully looks the other way. He sees his brothers sneak different girls into the house, and other male figures getting away with randy behaviours. He then grows up with the mindset that monogamy is the last thing he feels he owes a woman.”

    2. “He Should Be Able to Get Away With Anything
    “Leave him, he is a boy”, “boys will be boys”

    These comments suggest that being male in Nigeria means you can get away with just about anything.”

    3. “The average Nigerian man is cocky, controlling, and self-centered. This is probably because he is raised to believe that he is not a man if he does not have pride. To maintain this pride, he pretends to be what he is not, and engages in dubious activities… just to put up the expected façade. During a conversation, they won’t know anything about it, but they will give their own opinion and try to even force it down your throat. They will go bankrupt purchasing an item just to prove a point, or even sell his house to earn a title. It is great to have a measure of pride in oneself, but at what cost?”

    Conclusion comes off as if the writer holds all the knowledge in the world and Nigerian men have to learn at his/her feet.

    “So think about it slowly and carefully… progress comes when you’re able to unlearn and relearn things in life. Don’t be stuck in the rut. The world is moving forward, and so should you.”

    Dear writer, I don’t think people will learn anything from this article. And BN, this article is too opinionated to be coming from you. Una no try for this one at all.

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