BN Hot Topic: Stalking? or Simply Protecting your Interests

Posted on Thursday, February 28th, 2013 at 11:06 AM

By Patricia

After a very hectic week at work I was looking forward to relaxing over the weekend. For the first time in many Saturdays there was no “Owambe” wedding lined up, no birthday dinners and no dates. After having breakfast, I crawled back into bed and as I was about to turn my phone on silent, it started ringing….. it was my cousin Jumoke. Very wrong timing but I decided to pick up.  Before I finished saying hello she shouted at me telling me to come outside. I hurriedly jumped out of bed and ran out of the house. Unfortunately, my Saturday was not going to be the lazy day I planned.

Now I’m sure you are wondering why I gave up my lazy day so let me explain. Jumoke has been dating this guy called IK for three years and he popped the question two months ago.  She seemed happy until recently when she started complaining about a change in his behavior. He was busier, forgetting dates, making up silly excuses, buying too many gifts (which I thought was a positive thing) and acting extremely secretive.  I told her not to assume negatively and that he might just be planning a fabulous surprise, has cold feet or is just busy. I even showed her D’banj’s “fall in love” video just to prove my point.

Jumoke is very stubborn and I knew my explanation was not going to fly.  As they say a woman in love does better research than the FBI. After carrying out her detective work, she shared some of her findings with me and it was quite evident that something was not just right but all she had was circumstantial evidence. He was either cheating or his “friendship” with a particular girl was too sketchy for a man engaged to be married.  She confronted IK about the situation but he denied adamantly. I expected Jumoke to calm down and ‘trust’ her man but according to her this is Lagos……it doesn’t work that way.

On this particular Saturday, IK had cancelled his date with her and she suspected something was up. The plan was for her to trail IK for the day and I was her accomplice. I felt really bad and jobless but if following her was going to make her happy I agreed to do it. Truth be told, my inquisitiveness did not help me in saying NO either.

During our little adventure I thought to myself…where do you draw the line in attempting to protect your interest in a relationship? Has she gone too far? Is it just an invasion of privacy?

What do you think and how would you react?

Photo Credit: Moment/cultura/Corbis

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  • 38 Comments on “BN Hot Topic: Stalking? or Simply Protecting your Interests”

    • PepeRémpe February 28, 2013 at 11:21 AM

      Oyaaa let d comments roll :)

    • shay shay February 28, 2013 at 11:22 AM

      All I want to know, first and foremost is ‘what was the outcome of the trail’?

      • nickyminaj February 28, 2013 at 12:29 PM

        lol same here

      • Mariaah February 28, 2013 at 3:36 PM

        gBA MII lowo ogbeni!! What did she discover?? Mahnn I heard gists today that blew my mind!! Though it was ladies showing men “PEPPER” but it goes to show how evil human beings can be in relationships!!

    • Adunola February 28, 2013 at 11:35 AM

      LOL……Jumoke clearly has insecurity issues. But will u blame her? When guys start showing a different behaviour without any explanation for it…then something is really up. I would definitely do all I can possibly do to get to the root of the matter……if the tables were turned

      • Sonia February 28, 2013 at 1:05 PM

        @Adunola, your comment: “Jumoke clearly has insecurity issues”.
        That’s a VERY pointless and insensitive comment. There is obvious reason for her behavior as the writer has stated CLEARLY. You make it seem like she’s a bad person for having feelings.

        Anyhow, we wanna know how the investigation went. lol

        • kay March 1, 2013 at 1:04 AM

          Mehn Babe its one thing to be suspicious and its another thing to “enter moto” and trail a brother… The babe is definitely insecure.

    • jess February 28, 2013 at 11:50 AM

      After the trail, what next? if she discovers that he’s actually cheating, then she will end up heart broken …….like they say”what you don’t know won’t hurt you”…..make she rest and enjoy the gifts joorr….

      • Sonia February 28, 2013 at 1:00 PM

        I can’t get past how ridiculously flawed your reasoning is. Like, you’re dangerous!

    • Onyi February 28, 2013 at 12:17 PM

      I no even get dat kind of tym for my life…Trailing a man? if ur behaviour change and i am nt comfortable with it, i talk to u the best way i know how and u refuse and start giving me flimsy excuses, Bros…..Abeg…Borrow leg.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Cynthia February 28, 2013 at 3:47 PM

        Onyi u got me raising up my leg, laughing . Lol@ bros I beg borrow leg

    • ALEXIA February 28, 2013 at 12:21 PM

      it’s just like a girl hacking into her boyfrnd’s mail or fb account, reading his msges. when a girl is inlove she starts to act crazy besides the Ik is giving her a reason to act that way. The ideal thing to do will be to ask him but u all knw we don’t live in an ideal world

    • Amazeballs! February 28, 2013 at 12:52 PM

      I certainly dont have the emotional capacity to be trailing any man biko!

    • Abiola February 28, 2013 at 12:52 PM

      Trailing him would really hurt you girl if you find out he is cheating , and on the other hand, it would just be mere waste of time if nothing comes out, the bottom line is if your man/woman is giving room for doubts, the best thing to do is to communicate that is the only key that can help in any relationship….Trailing ke when i have only weekends to rest after a busy week…ko joooo mehn

    • Jo! February 28, 2013 at 1:01 PM

      I will trail him o, biko, I will! Especially since I’ve asked and he has denied, what do you expect him to do, confess? Abeg, if I don’t trail the guy and put my suspicions to rest I won’t be okay, omo gehl needs to know o.
      I mean, the whole scenario points at the fact that he is cheating, showering gifts on her (guilt), cancelled dates, busier (hmmmm), acting secretive when he wasn’t before, abeg omo geh, put on your Jane Bond gear and go hunting jare, I am solidly on Jumoke’s side.
      And BTW, if I catch him with another girl, I will scatter ground, show him pepper for a while, let him grovel for quite a bit and take him back, yes I said it, I will take him back! I’m not about to throw three years down the drain like that especially if he has never given me a reason to doubt him before. If it now happens again, then I dump his a**.

      • Tiki March 4, 2013 at 12:27 PM

        loool @ scatter ground.

    • mee mee February 28, 2013 at 1:15 PM

      I really think jumoke shud jus stop dat …wat if hz jus gettn cold feet about settling down…nd if he catches certainly wont be a good thing #myopinion

      • blessing March 1, 2013 at 5:42 PM

        catching i think as a great advantage to their relationship, if he do catch her trailing him without him doing nothing wrong. I guess that would confirm to him that this is a woman who would go xtra length in protecting him nad their relationship….expecially since they are engaged to be married its a good attribute of a wife.#my opinoin

    • tito February 28, 2013 at 1:17 PM

      yepa!!, finish dis story naaaaaa! *eyes rolling*

    • nmbw February 28, 2013 at 1:30 PM

      Hire a PI to do all the dirty work, why stress yourself! In the meantime brace yourself for a break-up or have a good story put together to explain why you launched operation iSpy and hope he is still willing to stay afterwards; if you found no dirt on him that is.

    • lilz February 28, 2013 at 1:52 PM

      This silly phrase ” what you don’t know won’t kill you” i wonder where it originated from. if you dont know, ignorance will murder you like a chicken. knowledge is power. know what’s happening around you..there’s no excuse what so ever to deliberately live in ignorance when you are seeing the obvious.

    • Yetty February 28, 2013 at 2:13 PM

      Feeling insecure in a relationship can kill and assumption they say is the mother of all conflict, so Jumoke trust your man if you really love him by believing what ever excuses he has given because men love to taste all apple around them gud or bad. Lol

    • Zayt February 28, 2013 at 3:21 PM

      no but seriously wat hapnd after the trail?

    • So Jumoke really does need to chill out. Like the Yorubas say “if you lie for a thousand years, it will only take a day for the truth to come out..” I believe this is the wrong way to approach things and if there is already so much trust issues at this stage of the relationship then there is a problem.
      So what if he’s up to something? Stalking him and even possible catching him in the act will not be the solution. Jumoke will end up heart broken and things will get messy. Moreover, I’m sure she has got better things to do than to be following him around (how long will you do that for?)
      Instead I recommend she sits him down and share her concerns and suspicions with him. She does not need to accuse him of anything; she just needs to let him in her head and see things her way. Let him save you the hurt by telling you what the problem is.
      If he still doesn’t own up; then it’s either there really is nothing to be worried about or he’s just a good liar.
      Either way, Jumoke, DO NOT marry the man until your trust in him is restored and you are at peace with the issues in your relationship.

    • Oge February 28, 2013 at 4:30 PM

      If you are doubting whether or not you should participate in the task, you already know its not good business and you shouldnt get involved. You are already there for your cousin and offer her advice when needed, don’t feel the need to get involved in another relationship! Your cousin should understand…

    • beeess February 28, 2013 at 4:41 PM

      Biko..don’t leave us hanging like this now..What was the outcome of the “trail”?

    • Mz Socially Awkward... February 28, 2013 at 4:49 PM

      In all seriousness, who has time for that on a Saturday? When I’m thinking of resting my aching body after a long week? Nah, men. I’ll be watchful and wary but I’m not jumping into any car to follow some man around. That just reminds me of Nse Etim’s character in “Reloaded” and that woman was bat-shit crazy.

    • Chic February 28, 2013 at 7:30 PM

      what you don’t know could KILL YOU!

    • Andy February 28, 2013 at 11:12 PM

      The wisest thing for her to do would be investigate then get out of the relationship ASAP

    • Andy February 28, 2013 at 11:15 PM

      Also good luck on the lack of peace of mind on the process!!!!

    • Andy February 28, 2013 at 11:18 PM

      What you don’t know wont certainly kill you but will have NAIVE stamped all over u!!! Smh

    • Omoba March 1, 2013 at 2:05 AM

      Women intuition never lies..except if the woman is just psycho n making things up in her head..

      With that been said–
      Dear Patricia,
      Am Not Sure you noticed but your computer cut out the best part of the story.
      Sincerely,The People Wanna Know

      on the realz tho, Is she sure she wants to know ???? Would she be able to deal with the finding..?? Cos you don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to

    • AMA March 1, 2013 at 12:52 PM


      • Jo! March 1, 2013 at 6:44 PM

        Ama… my gurl

    • IVORY CHI March 2, 2013 at 8:13 PM

      PERSONALLY, WHEN YOU ARE DATING AND THIS IS someone you plan on spending your whole life with ( please note the qualifications), I think that NO line should be drawn

      You should be able to walk down the aisle with no doubt in your heart or mind what so ever

      This ADVICE. Is a bit contradictory, because if you had no doubts in the first place, you would t feel the need to check his phone etc , which is what a healthy relationship should consist of

      SO THE ABOVE should apply to those who are either incapable of trusting or are dating men who are incapable of being trusted!!!!!

    • Tiki March 4, 2013 at 12:37 PM

      I don’t know if I’ll actually stalk, but most definitely I’ll snoop and pry! I can’t stand being made a fool of, or not knowing something I think I should.

      If the boy’s behaviour has changed, his fiancée has a RIGHT to know why. Either that, or he’s not worth the trouble. Today he hides sidechick, tomorrow it will be illegitimate child, then property, and one day she’ll wake up after 15 years of marriage and realise she doesn’t really know the man she married.

      • Annie March 7, 2013 at 3:32 PM

        Just change the name on top to ‘Annie’ & that’s my position too, right there. I mean…

    • robby March 5, 2013 at 4:06 PM

      i think omoge has the right to pry…..after all its not ‘FOR BETTER OR WORSE’ yet oooo…..