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BN Hot Topic: Does the Baby Have To Be the Fruit of Your Loins?

Atoke

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Prior to the 22nd March, 2010,  I was a staunch, card-carrying member of the God-Forbid Club. Opening my mind to the possibility that things may not turn out positively was not an option I considered or even allowed myself to think about.  A lot of Nigerians are like this; some attribute it to a heavy reliance on religion, others attribute it to sheer naivety but for some reason, this is how we are.

Have you written your will?’/’God forbid. Are you trying to say I will die young?’

Have you considered adoption of kids?’/’God forbid. I am from a fruitful lineage and I will bear offspring from my own loins

Earlier on this weekend, I had a chat with an aunty who talked to me about the advantages of “settling down”. She cited procreation and starting a family as one of the reasons why one should marry. I know a lot of couples who have gotten together for this reason. For some people, it has worked out and for some people they are biologically incapable of having children. I find that many people are flocking towards the spiritual havens for the “fruit of the womb” and I wondered why more couples in Nigeria were not considering “adoption” as an alternative.

I put the question before a group of professional Nigerians between the ages of 25 and 45. The responses I got varied between cultural and religious reasons. Someone said Nigerians were not adopting children as their own because it was seen as a last resort and it was a sign that they’d completely lost “faith” that God would do it.  Someone argued that it was not necessarily culturally accepted especially as members of the extended family might not accept the child even if you fully and wholly accept the child as yours.

My friend, Oladipo, brought an interesting twist to the discourse. He said that under Islamic laws, adopted children didn’t have a direct line of succession with regards inheritance and as such, the child can be brought into your home, but doesn’t have the same succession rights as your biological children (where you have any). Amina countered that the purpose of adoption was more for the sake of the child’s nurture and care than the inheritance and therefore, the issue of succession shouldn’t even be a determining factor where one is considering the issues.

There are also some people who are averse to adoption and cite genetic anomalies as their reason. I countered this argument by saying that these anomalies cannot be limited, strictly to adopted children as a couple have genetic strains that are sometimes inexplicable.

With regards to whether the child will be loved as one’s own, I said that a lot of children are brought up in a really strict environment and  even some biological children would attest to how their parents were a little “cruel to be kind” . I mean, even I believed I was adopted but for the fact that I’m the spitting image of my mother, you couldn’t have convinced me otherwise that I wasn’t. Parenting is hard and a child will probably believe some things irrespective of the biological antecedents.

A lot of people are not open to the issue of adopting because they see it as a sign that they have failed but on the contrary, I think it shows a deep strength of character and the largeness of your heart. According to my friend, he’d never really thought of adoption as an option, however, he would adopt if his wife is unable to have a child or in the event that they have their own biological children, there has to be PLENTY money to raise the child and his wife has to consent.

What do you think? Would you adopt a child? In what circumstances would you adopt a child? Do you think that adoption is a sign of failure? Are you a member of the God-Forbid Club and don’t think such issues should even come up when one is “exercising faith”?

Let’s discuss!

Photo credit: yaymicro.com

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore.Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

47 Comments

  1. Bleed blue

    February 7, 2013 at 10:47 am

    I would so adopt a child! It’s a beautiful thing when a family needs a child to love…and a child needs a family to love him/her…and the connection is made.

    No doubt it’ll have it’s difficulties but hey…what doesn’t?

  2. Tobi

    February 7, 2013 at 10:58 am

    I would totally adopt a child! It takes a truly giving heart and kind spirit to love and nurture a child not of your loins. It shows great selflessness and we all should aspire to that kind of love (that considers only the other – and not succession rights or continuing the lineage!)

  3. nnenne

    February 7, 2013 at 11:12 am

    if i have to adopt a child, why not? and Tobi, i agree with you.

  4. HRS

    February 7, 2013 at 11:24 am

    I would love to adopt a child, even when I have kids of my own, these lovelies need nuclear families too. I used to dream of adopting 10 children… lol….

    I agree with u, I used to think I was adopted when I was being raised up, I used to think my Mum loved me less yet I was her spiting image! I know better now.

    • 2-D

      February 8, 2013 at 12:39 pm

      Hmmm. Her Royal sassiness.

  5. Niqua Johnson

    February 7, 2013 at 11:43 am

    Personally I feel we are waaaaaay into what everyone else thinks if we do something… I mean come on one of the reasons cited included what the ‘extended family would feel’ key word being extended…. what and who gave them a reason to feel anything? They are the same people when you die who feel they are entitled to your property but then a child who you rear nuture and raise as your own is not entitled…..why? because I am connected to them by blood??? As far as I am concerned it is money and I give it to who I want and who I please and I can choose to adopt if I want. It is not a taboo but a good thing one that should enrich you and your family and just as we know children bring children…. you adopt and who knows, this act may turn your wheels around! Me as a rule of thumb I am adopting. Giving birth to my first 2 and then my last baby by Gods grace will be adopted….. and I thank God I’m well on my way! Nigerians it is time we updated our cultural hang ups and be real. Wise up!

  6. Patie

    February 7, 2013 at 11:56 am

    Thought I was the only one who’s gonna love this piece, am a huge fan for the adoption of kids, I could remember telling mum I was going to adopt even after having my own kids, mehn! you need to hear her stern warning,”how can I say such a thing, ehn, is it that I cant give birth, that am indirectly telling God I don’t want a child from Him, that such ideas should be flushed from my head”, am going ahead to adopt one or two of those kids, if my Hubby accepts in future, I just want to love and care for them and also make them my own. They deserve the best, they didn’t make choice it.

  7. Mee

    February 7, 2013 at 12:01 pm

    Some topics come just in time, and some things test who u really are and what u’d do under some circumstances. Long story short, this past week I was faced with a huge possibility of having endometriosis, all my symptoms pointed to it, everything aligned….I was faced with a drastically reduced possibility of carrying babies. I am 28, and not sexually active, so trust that I had started questioning- God from where now??? I spent a lot of time in between waiting for the outcome n thinking what lay ahead? On the one hand I was happy to find out now cos anybody getting married to me would make d decision knowing d situation, on the other hand I wasn’t sure how I felt bout never experiencing pregnancy, but to me it was a no-brainer -I was going to mother a child/children regardless. Some people have many callings in life n one of mine is motherhood- I mother old and young, anyone around me…even my own mother…its what some love n hate me for n one thing siblings/friends/colleagues/boyfriend/etc can attest to…its my default setting, and nothing was going to stop it. The one thing I’d always prayed for was to have a life partner who among other things was open to adopting- biological kids or not. I myself was raised by my step mama, my dad’s passed on n left us, n I know that biological birth means little when it comes to raising a child with love. I quickly made peace with it all the possibilities, my life is too full to spend it crying daily bout not being able to carry a child. Maybe somedays would hurt more than others, maybe it wouldn’t, all said and done I still have a life to live.

    Fast forward to further consultations, examinations n result n I’m all clear, the diagnosis was different and something I’ll still have to manage for as long as it decides to be in my system I guess. It was certainly an enlightening experience, and I know without a doubt that adoption is in my future, so help me God.

    • mola

      February 7, 2013 at 12:41 pm

      Woow!!! Inspiring story. You sound like such a strong person. I thank God it wasn’t what they first thought but I find the thought process you adopted at that time a truly inspiring one. May God continuie to strengthen you.

    • G!

      February 7, 2013 at 5:16 pm

      Your strength is almost palpable….I remember the story of a young lady who had been diagnosed with an ailment that meant she would never be able to carry her own child. Even before she got married, she was certain she would adopt and she did. Guess what? After the first 2 adoptions she got pregnant (in a way only God can explain) and had twins. The family is now such a loving and close knit one. There are somethings we might not be able to understand but there’s nothing like wearing a smile in the storms. Stay strong girl, and remain positive!

    • R

      February 7, 2013 at 5:23 pm

      God bless and favour you!

  8. Louisa

    February 7, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    I would definitely adopt a child and I long to encourage couple looking for children to do so.

    Let’s look at it this way: So many orphans need the love of parents and so many couples need children.

    I remember one lady saying that the child she adopted (not in any way related to her) is the one who acts behaves more like her than her 3 biological children; they have the same favourite colour, love the same cereal and enjoy the same hobbies.

    I always feel so sad when I see childless couples ‘waiting on the Lord’ for 4, 5, 6-10 years meanwhile, the Lord has been waiting for them!

    If we can copy ‘Oyinbo’ people in almost everything else, fashion, education, why should we not let go of those inhibitions that prevent us from doing a beautiful thing like adopting?

    I could go and on because I’m so passionate about it! I pray that one day, God will give me the chance to be a parent to a little child someone who needs a loving parent. My husband and I already have 2 kids but I desire this from the bottom of my heart.

    #TheEnd

  9. 5'5

    February 7, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    I will only adopt a child as a last resort. I absolutely will not adopt a child especially if i have mine cos i know myself, i will never be able to equal in my affections. I prefer to cater to children in an orphanage and provide for them than bring them into my own home.
    I really cannot. Its just who i am. cant apologise for it.

    • testimony

      February 7, 2013 at 1:02 pm

      Love doesnt know blood. It is love that makes a family, not blood. I was raised by a single mum at the beginning. On getting to secondary school, my sperm donor said he wanted me to live with him, my mum reluctantly agreed. In under 2 years of living with him, I was abandoned, yes abandoned my my biological father. I annoyed him one night, and he dragged me in my night gown with no slippers on. I was just 11years old, and he drove me to my grandma’s house, not even my mum’s house and he dropped me off, and he said he never wanted to have anything to do with us, this includes me, my sisters (also his children), and my brother, whom he denied from pregnancy (as the Lord always does these things, my brother is the SPITTING image of him). Everyone told him, this boy is your son, you only need to look at him, still he refused. It was a cross my mum had to bear, cos during his early years, anytime she looked at my brother, she is reminded of that man. She had 4 kids for this man, and he didnt marry her. At 11years with a nightgown and no slippers, I was dropped off like garbage and he never looked back. I have not seen him in almost 20years. Shortly after that, my mum started seeing this man, much much older than her, a divorcee with 2 much older kids. He married my mum with 4 children, and that man was the best thing, I mean the best thing that EVER happened to us. I love him so much, I will do ANYTHING for him. He parented me better than my sperm donor ever did for the 11years I knew him. I call my mum’s husband daddy, none of my friends know he isnt my biological dad. Only long term friends and family know. He raised the four of us, even better than he raised his kids, in my opinion. He said he made mistakes with his first family, and he always prayed to be given the chance to start again, then he met my mum with 4 children, the youngest under 2years old. All of us schooled abroad, his first 2 kids didnt, as he didnt have the money then. His children and his ex wife beef us like crazy, cos they say, we got the best of their father in so many ways, but luckily they both work in oil companies now, so even with their 9ja degree they are doing well. We his step kids are also doing well in our jobs. The last is in Canada studying for undergrad. He is in his 70’s now, and he is so proud of us. He says we were the answers to his prayers, and he will forever be grateful for the chance he got to raise us. My brother never met his sperm donor, the immediate elder sister doesnt even remember him cos he walked out when she was 3. So to those two, that’s the only daddy they ever knew. Its me and my immeidate younger sister that can remember that man, and yes we have scars, me the worst, and it has affected how I deal with men. I don’t trust them at all, even though i’ve been shown more than enough love from my daddy. So 5’5, the heart has no capability in its ability to love. At least you love your boyfriend or husband, and you are not related to him by blood. Like Mee above I also have gynae problems that has reduced my chances of conception. I cried about it for weeks, until a voice said to me, you weren’t raised by your biological dad. If you needed an example of how blood doesn’t matter. You’ve had 20years of first hand experience. So snap out of it, and I did. I’ve made my peace with my condition. Whatever comes, I can adopt, or use donor eggs, if I desire to experience pregnancy. Like @Mee said, I know the man I marry will marry me despite of my condition. he will choose me, above any biological children we may never have. There is no greater love than that. The kind of love that can make a man marry a woman with 4kids, and raise them as his own, that is the kind of love, I pray I will get, and I will not settle for less.

    • laide

      February 7, 2013 at 2:15 pm

      ur story is even longer than atoke’s own

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      February 7, 2013 at 2:44 pm

      … Laide, her story is also more original, because it’s first-hand and she’s giving us a much needed perspective from the point of view of the adoptee.

      testimony, your father (I’m not going to even call him the man who adopted you) has an amazing heart of love. Marrying a woman with 4 children and then raising them as his own in everyway… wow. Your story is far from the norm and I salute him.

    • Bleed blue

      February 7, 2013 at 2:46 pm

      Yes Laide. That’s because she had important things to say…unlike you however…

    • Que

      February 7, 2013 at 4:12 pm

      And I wish u that type of love too…amen.

    • Mariaah

      February 7, 2013 at 4:29 pm

      That’s an inspiring story.. I know a lady who loves her step dad like you do.. He died last year unfortunately, but she was devastated!! Her real father is still alive, they have an ok relationship but becos of their past grudges, they aren’t so close.. I know she still cries and misses her step dad.. I like your mindsef, I like d example u gave that we fall in love with perfect strangers (Best friends, Boy Friends, Lovers, husbands, in my mum’s case, she’s still crazy about my elder bro’s late wife that died 13yrs back).. We can love this pple without d same blood, so why can’t I love a child born to this world without boundaries..

      I think I’m going to raise the issue of adoption with my next BF (I’m currently single) if we don’t agree about it, we might not take it up a notch!!

      As a reminder, Vals is next week thursday if you know anyone around you (widows, children, an orphange) show them love!! I don’t have much, but I intend dropping something for them you should do the same!! And I’m showing my momma love too (my da is late) Godbless!!

    • www.thebanquethall.blogspot.com

      February 7, 2013 at 7:06 pm

      I love your story…I have always wished to adopt at least 1 child and maybe this might be the time to start looking towards it. God bless you…I know even some bioligical mothers that abandoned their kids.

      thebanquethall.blogspot.com

  10. temi

    February 7, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    i’m 38weeks pregnant right now and by God’s grace, i hope to deliver this baby safely nd adopt my next one. There’s nothing more rewarding than giving hope and love into the life of an innocent child. The world would be a better place if more pple experience better upbringing.
    @mee carrying a baby in your womb isnt what makes you a mother. I pray you find a good man who would look beyond ur inability to bear a child nd love you still.

    • Que

      February 7, 2013 at 4:11 pm

      read her comment well, her case turned out ok…

  11. beri 2

    February 7, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    If you are not capable of loving your adopted child as you would your biological child, I guess there’s no point in adpoting.

  12. Miss Mo

    February 7, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    I think a lot of Nigerians are now adoption children. 3 of my close family members have adopted children. When i once visited an orphanage home, the administrator said the children under 5 were always adopted. She said a state such as Lagos State has a very long waiting list for those waiting to adopt.

  13. Tolani

    February 7, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    I firmly believe in adoption. It saves lives of children who are born into squalor and misfortune by accident of birth. I have an uncle and aunt who have been married upwards 15 years who don’t have children yet. My aunt at one point was looking eagerly into adoption until her pastors advised her not to. Reason being that it shows she has ‘given up on God’. This was 7 years into their marriage.

    On the other hand I know of a couple who were married 9 years before they adopted their first baby. The wife was pregnant (for the first time ever) before the adopted child was 1. They now have 4 children; including the adopted child.

    I am someone who is very realistic and know and understand that childlessness does not happen to unfaithful or less righteous people. It happens a lot and we should encourage ourselves to adopt children, save lives and make ourselves happy. Instead we hear, “God forbid! It is a taboo where I come from”, “It will seem as if I have given up on God”, “I shall bear fruit from my own womb in Jesus’ name”.

  14. Pam

    February 7, 2013 at 1:49 pm

    @Testimony’s story brought Tears to my eyes… There’s a special place in Heaven for People who adopt children and love them genuinely… You are giving a child hope, a life… It’s a very Beautiful thing to do. I’m totally in support of adopting children, and it’s something I look forward to doing during my lifetime.

  15. Tolani

    February 7, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    Wow!!! I am inspired’ not just by the article, but more by the comments. My name is Tolani, this is the first time, I’ll ever comment in any discussion online. Testimony and mee, how do I contact you guys, I’m based in the uk, starting a print magazine soon, I’m looking for true undiluted stories of everyday people like you and I.
    I am a huge fan of adoption, and currently in the process of an adoption now, though I have 2 biological kids. Huge story behind this situation, but its more of a calling and not a choice to be deliberated on.

  16. Docife

    February 7, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    Adoption, surrogacy and natural child birth are personal preferences and no one should be judged for there preferences.

    docife.blogspot.com/

  17. www.dprodigaldaughter.com

    February 7, 2013 at 3:32 pm

    I definitely for adoption. I’ve always said that I’m going to have 3kids of my own and adopt 2 more = 5. Every ma I’ve told that seems to think it’s a bit too much for this time and age.
    While I’m willing to compromise, I will definitely adopt. It’s a great gift to give to someone without a family of their own.

    http://www.dprodigaldaughter.com

  18. Tobechistyle

    February 7, 2013 at 3:39 pm

    I think a proper phrasal might be, “Does YOUR baby..?” It’s a baby, not a thing, you know:).

    tobechistyle.com

  19. Chic

    February 7, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    Frankly the thought of going through labor pains and pushing out a baby scares me so based on that I have always been pro adoption. Whether I have biological kids or not I will still adopt because I was brought up in a foster home environment and my foster parents are more of parents to me than my own birth parents. I also wonder why people stay waiting on the lord for plus years when there are so many babies waiting to be adopted. I know a pastor and his wife who have been married just over 15 years with no babies and they never considered adoption I wonder why. A family friend and her husband too have been married almost ten years and they too haven’t considered adoption which baffles me because they live in a world where they can go from foster parents to adoptive parents if they so wish. AS for me 4 years is all I give for a biological birth if its not forthcoming then we adopt whoever marries me will have to be on the same page as me from the dating stage because this is something that I would love to do one day.

  20. Aryn

    February 7, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    I plan to adpot kids despite having mine. You become a member of a family by birth, marriage or adpotion. Love knows no bounds. All children belong to us all. You give hope and a future to a child irrespective of his genes.
    Adoption is a laudable and brave move to make.

  21. neon

    February 7, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    hmmn.. everytime i get asked this question i always say i am too scared to adopt. and ppls jaws always drop when i say that becaus ei am adopted. there is always the fear that the child may rebel when they find out they r adopted. my story: i was adopted at age 1 when my ‘mother’ abandoned me, she and her step donor were never married, so he legged it as soon as she got pregnant. rumour has it that my ‘mother’ tried to abort me several times but didnt succeedd. anyway i was adopted by my mums sister and her husband, and those were the mum and dad i knew, until that faithfull day aged 8 or 9 or so when an aunt (dads sister) spitefully told me i wasnt even her brothers child and she didnt know why he was wasting money on me. i will never forget that day, i was in Js1, and at thta moment i started to rebel, if i did something wrong and my dad didnt scold me it was because i was adopted and he didnt care, if he did scold me it was because he hated me and didnt care. it took a long long time and prayers for me to return to ‘normal’ my dad and i are best friends, in fact i dare say i am his favorite child, having met and exceeded all his expectations.

    • Chic

      February 7, 2013 at 7:37 pm

      I totally understand you because I was also fostered by immeadiate family members though my foster experience was and still is extremely pleasant I couldn’t ask for better foster parents. In situations like this it is the extended family I blame my own relatives never get tired of reminding my parents that I am not biologically theirs and they never stop reminding me that those are not my “real” parents. It was so bad that whenever they did special stuff for me or bought me expensive presents it was hidden from the rest of the family because they were always complaining about my parents wasting money on me. I went to very good private schools thanks to them some people were not happy about that as if it was their money!

  22. neon

    February 7, 2013 at 6:30 pm

    the rest of my comment got deleted, im too tired to re type it….

  23. www.thebanquethall.blogspot.com

    February 7, 2013 at 7:19 pm

    If you are single and pass the age of child bearing, you may consider adopting even if it’s one child. Nothing like a child to share love with. Adopting kids has a way of opening doors for people. Give it a try. I know I would if am nearing menopause and still single. What’s the use being all alone with nobody to call u ‘ma’ or love you or you showing undiluted love to them.

    thebanquethall.blogspot.com

  24. Kathy

    February 7, 2013 at 7:39 pm

    –This is going to be an extra extra long one so I apologize for that.
    How about those that are fertile and chooses to go the adoption route. Adoption was always something I knew was the purpose and route for me. I can remember vividly when I was in middle school and I would constantly tell my mum that when I got married I would love to adopt kids. For some reason she thought I was going through a phase but no I wasn’t. My reason and purpose for adoption was if I could adopt 3 or 4 kids that could have ended up hungry, on the streets, in the projects, on the gutter, or terrible group homes and raise, love and adore them unconditionally like Christ loves his children. When my Husband then boyfriend and I were in our junior year in University: I remember the both of us chatting at Starbucks about marriage and all that stuff and then all of a sudden he started talking about his views about adopting children. He had the exact same views I had about adopting children and right there and then I knew that was the man I was going to marry. We both told our parents and grandparents about our decision: They prayed for us and were very supportive. Not once did they feel I disappointed them. However, when I told a couple of Nigerians and some other Africans about my view on adoption; they said things like God forbid, we will praying and fasting for you, we need to cast out those demons etc. There were three girls that specifically said I was going to have regrets later in life. It’s 2013 and we have 3 amazing children: sorry I am not a fan of the label “adopted kids”. Nothing can describe the joy, love and fulfillment we felt when we got each of them from the adoption agency. I am glad I didn’t bend my back or change myself to what a particular sect of the society expects of me. I can remember holding on to our second daughter so tight at the agency then my mum and grandmother started crying. They saw the joy and fulfillment in my eyes I wouldn’t trade the joy I felt that day and I still feel for anything. I have absolutely no regrets and if I was to go back in time I would do the same thing and even more. The joy I feel each morning when I bath each of them and dress them up for school, the joy I feel when I am making breakfast in the morning and they are all screaming in their tiny voice mummy, mummy, can I help you with breakfast, the joy I feel when I am driving them to school and I slip in one of their high school musical CDs and sing along with them, the joy I feel when I put them in bed and pat their back and reading bedtime stories till they fall asleep, the joy I feel when we do our ultimate Wii challenge on Saturday mornings, the joy I feel when I have to travel for work purposes and I call them 6-7 times a day because I miss them so much and they will tell me mummy we are doing OK. I wouldn’t trade this for anything. Whatever you feel is your purpose: having your own biological kids, adopting, IVF, surrogate, not wanting kids at all; live and fulfill your own purpose. Don’t bend your back or change to what society expects of you. Don’t be apologetic or feel bad about the decisions you make with regards to adopting kids. My prayer for those having problem with child bearing: Keep fighting, stay strong and find what your purpose is; be it adoption, IVF or surrogate. To those with child bearing issues and are not married: My prayer for you is that you will find the man that will love you unconditionally irrespective of your situation because that is not what defines you. To the overzealous extra churchy ones: I hope you will respect people’s views on adoption even if you don’t agree with them. Also, please don’t spend or waste your time fasting and casting out unknown demons when someone tells you they will be going the adoption route. Live your life to the fullest because you’ve got just one.

    • Tess

      March 18, 2013 at 2:13 pm

      You are amazing sister! Just love you!

  25. Triangle

    February 8, 2013 at 8:03 am

    My uncle has just 2 daughters. The youngest being 33 years now, I’m not sure why he didn’t think to adopt years ago knowing not having a male child was going to be an issue.
    5 years ago, they adopted a lil boy, about a few weeks old. I wouldn’t want to say that was a mistake but as time goes on it has proven to be so. The boy is not normal, and at age 5 cannot walk. He can’t feed himself and if u see where he’s being fed, u’ll lose appetite.
    My uncle and wife have aged overnight and my aunt has been battling serious HBP issues, my uncle isn’t that healthy too. The consensus in the family is to returm the boy from where he came from. So I understand totally where the genetic issues come from, the little boy may have been a product of incest who knows? The amount of money he’s draining from the family is a topic for another day.
    Caution though, only adopt a child if you genuinely have love to give and not because you’ve waited for years to take-in and its the next logical step or because people say once you adopt, God may bless you with yours. It’s easy to get bitter when he doesn’t.
    Personally I can adopt indegent children from the village or from family members or probably orphaned children whose family I know. Never from a motherless babies home, the risk of what you’ll get may be great!

    • Tope

      February 8, 2013 at 9:42 am

      I’m not going to go as far as saying good for them, but those two must be the most mean and selfish people ever. When you adopt a child, that child becomes your own for better or for worse, or for whatever. If you continue to tag a child as an adopted child, you will never open your heart to love that child. Love does not know blood. As @Testimony said above, you love your spouse, you are not blood related, you love your best friends, sometimes even more than you love your siblings, and you are not blood related, so why can’t you love a child who didn’t start life out the regular way, probably abandoned or orphaned. Why can’t you find it in your heart to even love and cherish that child with every fibre of your being. We pray to the Lord, we go to church, we expect our prayers to be answered, unconditionally, but to give that unconditional love our Bible and Quran preaches to us, is now hard. They got what they deserved, I’m sorry. You go into adoption for selfish reasons, to expect to be patted on the back. There are many parents with genetically abnormal children, so if it was their own, would they return it. Can you see my line of thought. They have spent money and spent money, and so what, is that child not deserving of the money, they still see that child as not their own, so of course the money they are spending is pinching them. If he was theirs, will they see it as wasting money. He was adopted as a baby, they are the only family he has ever known, so they want to just return him to where he came from like an old shoe. Well I never. They wanted a son, so they used him, a baby, a baby for that matter, such heartless people. So he didn’t meet their standard, so they are considering returning him. I feel so sorry for them, because they are missing out on the Lord’s blessings. Who knows if this experience is to teach them something, to teach them how to love another human being so unconditionally, despite its imperfections. So if one of them had a stroke today, and couldn’t walk or eat of if it was their biological grandchild who had that affliction, what will they do. My uncle adopted a cerebral palsied baby, which they were not informed about, until repeated doctor visits, despite that, the whole family loves and cherishes this girl ehn, both the siblings, extended family, its amazing to look at, how loving and protective they are of her. If you are told that was an adopted child, you will never believe. The Bible taught us to love our neighbour as ourself, I’m sure your uncle and his wife consider themselves good christians or muslims. Its not by mouth o. You that are talking with that mindset, please don’t attempt to adopt any child o, even with the conditions you wrote, cos you will always treat that child differently. You don’t have it in you to love unconditionally. Adoption is a sacred thing, it takes a special kind of human being, to do it selflessly.

    • Tess

      March 18, 2013 at 2:18 pm

      You are amazing sister! Just love you!

    • Italian Princess

      February 8, 2013 at 10:04 am

      “The consensus in the family is to returm the boy from where he came from.” This sentence has been ringing in my ears since I read it. If the baby was biologically their own, where would they return he/she to? Are you saying that it is absolutely impossible to have a child with genetic issues? Where you and your spouse believe you have “untainted” medical history?

      Returning the child as you say is NOT the answer. It’s financially and emotionally draining, but some things happen in life to help build strength of character. We all need to be able to look past our immediate comfort.

  26. Neo

    February 8, 2013 at 9:07 am

    I am tardy to the party.

    I dont see anything wrong with adoption, it should be open to anyone with a heart big enough to love and the means to take care of the child. I worked on an adoption case during my NYSC, this woman wanted t adopt her sister’s kid cos the sister couldnt take care of the child. she lived in America with her husband, and the adoption couldnt go through because of our child trafficking laws. They had to settle for legal guardianship in the end. I remember asking the adoption officer if i could adopt a child along the line as long if i showed means to take care of the child. She said they didnt consider singles (esp women) as good adoptive parents because there was a likelihood that we would meet a man who would tell us to get rid of the child before getting married. Like a friend pointed out, did they also consider childless couples who adopted and then subsequently had their own kids bilogically, was there no danger of loving “your own” more?

    So asides the religious and technical implications, there are a lot of legal and technical problems facing those who choose the adoption route. I am 27 and single, i live on my own and have a good job, i have often thought about adopting asides everything else I have to make sure i am ready to give a child everything he/she needs for a balanced life. That’s the same decision i would have to make when i get married. As much as i love kids, having one is a really big step and every part of me needs to be ready for that.

  27. Babydoc

    February 8, 2013 at 9:15 am

    It is by the Spitit of adoption that we are able to call God Abba Father.

  28. Ann

    February 8, 2013 at 10:58 am

    Does anyone know any adoption agency in Nigeria, Lagos especially?

  29. Tr

    February 18, 2013 at 9:23 am

    I would so adopt a child. that is actually my plan if i get married,i can have 1 biological child (if possible) & adopt another 1. I believe that God can give people the grace to love an adopted child as much as a biological child.

  30. Iamme

    February 26, 2013 at 6:00 pm

    I am very pro adoption. In my opinion, parenting is a gift and children need the gift of parenting , biologically brought into the family or adopted. I’ve had people tell me “are you sure you’ll love them like your own kids?” etc but I strongly believe that would not be an issue for me. I intend to have one of my own and two adopted kids. My mom thinks my being in the U.S influenced this decision lol.

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