BN Prose: Me & My Big Eyes by Ido Ekong

When I was younger my mother told me “Koko be content with what you have”, she practically drummed it into my ears but I never understood why I could not wear expensive clothes and look as fantastic as other kids; to me my mother was just stingy and I looked forward to growing up and living the lavish lifestyle I honestly desired.
As I grew and began to handle money on my own, I immediately took on the dream job I had envisaged- Spending Spree! Whatever my eyes desired I bought and if I could not afford it I borrowed, it was really that simple. Either way I was going to afford it irrespective of the cost.

I kept on the lavish lifestyle in school, the clothes, the trips, the choice accommodation, the latest phones and electronic gadgets I was a big girl and I made that clear to everyone who knew me. I rolled with friends who had these things and I never took time to caution myself that their parents could probably afford it; honestly I overstretched my parents especially my dear mother who was a junior civil servant, my uncles and aunties avoided my calls like a plague because nobody believed me when I had issues since they all thought I was going to buy more expensive clothes and didn’t look like one who had any problems anyways, I looked far better than those who I was borrowing from. I borrowed to furnish my lifestyle and when my debt was due I borrowed to furnish that debt. It was a vicious cycle and to me it was a minor price to pay to live the life.

Unfortunately there was another story in the air, the story behind my back – my friends rumored and I heard it a couple of times. The rumor was that I lived a false life and I had a big eye but really who cared? After all they still came to me to borrow clothes. I was the example of a big girl and commented on how beautiful I looked; in my world they secretly desired to look like me! Very few friends knew my background and I did not care, to me there was no reason not to have it if you desired it.

Several years later and I met this wonderful man who never had issues with my covetous nature while we were dating and we considered his servicing my expensive needs as a way of showing his love for me. Today, I’m married to him and he works really hard to put food on the table but I still have that problem, the problem of never being satisfied and in all sincerity I have spent him dry.

Now my salary is gone even before it arrives; I’m paying several debts for several items I honestly don’t know if I need. There is no food on our table again because I have spent the money for food on choice clothes. I have more clothes and shoes than I can ever wear and don’t even ask.

No I don’t have any savings. I’m still the envy of all my friends but I am also the topic of every gossip! Who do I blame? My friends and husband who never stopped lending me the money I needed to buy these items I obviously could not afford? They never confronted me on this issue… or do I blame myself for lack of self-control.

My loving husband has had enough and has given me the ultimatum to either cut my expenses or he leaves the marriage.
I’m torn between my loving husband and my sincere desire to keep up with the Kardashians.

I feel so lost.

Photo Credit: goddessintellect.com
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Ido Ekong is a lawyer in her “day job”, when she is not working she finds time to read a good book or hang out with friends who indulge her mischievous and silly habits. She comes from a closely knit family. Her favorite color is purple. Ido lives in Abuja, Nigeria.