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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: The Child ‘Rearer’



In the first quarter of this year, I decided to put together a list of the funniest videos on YouTube in 2013 for the BN audience. Every time I looked at the list, I thought… “I’ll work on this later, December is still far”. I woke up on Friday morning and behold, November was upon us. Where did all the time go? I’m happy that it’s November and I believe the best is yet to come.

Asides musing about the end of the year, I was also super glad that it was the weekend- that time of the week when all you do is laze about and surf the internet. So, this weekend, I finally got a chance to watch Nigerian rap artiste, Vector on his Trace Urban interview. When asked about what he would like in a woman he mentioned “a woman with a high sense of decency”. Then he went on to say the woman should “know how to cook, be understanding, & raise me good kids while I fulfill my own part of the agreement”. The last bit raised my hairs a little. I thought ‘Really? I’m not going to buy any of your music because of this!’ Then, I paused; ‘Who you kidding girl? You love music and this dude is quite the lyricist. Why don’t you pause for a second and analyze what he has said and why he has said it.’ {Click here to watch it if you missed it}

His wife was going to be responsible for raising him good kids? I did a quick check at the calendar and yes, it is still 2013. Guys, I’m not ordinarily one to raise arms in defence of women’s rights and all that, but it really got me thinking about parenting and the role of women. Is the woman traditionally the child raiser? Is the woman solely responsible for whether a child becomes a tout or an award-winning inventor? Is parenting of a child really the sole responsibility of the mother?

A few years ago, my friend was watching what he called an important Arsenal game and then they noticed that his son’s temperature was spiking. I was chatting with him at the time and he mentioned to me that his son had a fever. I asked if they were going to have to go to the hospital. He said that they would and that his wife would take the child. I asked why he wasn’t taking him or at least going with them and he responded with “Arsenal is playing. Besides, when you were growing up, wasn’t your mother the primary care giver? His mother will take him to the hospital.” To say I was sorely disappointed is putting it mildly, but I know that a lot of people have this mindset. So I decided to take a closer look at what makes mothers so special and how their actions make or mar who we become.

Nigerian mothers are really special. They can use their eyes to move mountains. You don’t believe me? Next time you go to a party and you see a well-behaved toddler, take a quick glance around and you’d see a woman sitting within half-a-mile radius of the child – daring the child to just step out of line. The Nigerian mother hardly takes ‘I didn’t find it Mummy’ as a response to ‘Go and bring my glasses from the room’. What she would say to you is ‘If you let me get up from here and I find it…’ She doesn’t need to finish the sentence before you know what’s coming next.

There are so many stories of Nigerian mothers that make them unique. It makes us love them beyond measure (at least when we’re old enough to understand what all that harshness is all about). It also makes us wonder if we’re going to be that same way with our kids. I guess it is that special brand of ‘tough love’ that brands the woman as ‘The Child Rearer’. However, men need to understand that parenting isn’t just about bringing the money home. As long as both of you bring the child into existence, I’m guessing both of you should be involved in raising the child and instilling the values you want to pass on.

What do you guys think? Do you agree that mothers are there to rear children? Can you share some of your unique African mother/ Nigerian mother experiences with us. If you’re a mother now, what examples have you learned from your mother and are using towards your kids? What do you think makes the Nigerian mother special?
Have a great week ahead. Don’t forget to make the next 8 weeks or so count for something absolutely amazing.
Peace, love & cupcakes!

Photo Credit:

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website for more information.


  1. Zayt

    November 4, 2013 at 9:20 am

    hahaha @ ‘if you let me get up from here and find it…’ #Memories. Luv u mum

  2. zamunda

    November 4, 2013 at 9:22 am

    As in ehn,u’re so on point.once my mum calls,even in dreamland,u must hear ur name cos if not,some strokes will land on ur back.’as e dey hot,na so she go take pour am’.lollss.d thing is all the talks and numerous strokes of cane has made me who I am 2day and we are so so close 2each dad on d oda hand,hardly flogged me or shouted on me and the communication was little or none xcept 2collect money.But I daresay I’m a responsible person in d while I believe that both parents should be caregivers,I still think dat d woman should be d primary caregiver.that’s my opinion,not necessarily d rule.merci

  3. eniola

    November 4, 2013 at 9:31 am

    It’s a pity most men have that mentality and a lot of young men now feel the same way. God bless my parents, my mother would intentionally pound all the yam knowing I didn’t know how to eat pounded yam and would have opted for yam, now I opt for pounded yam at every opportunity. I remember attending a birthday party I wasn’t invited to and coming home with prices, chei! my mama beat me! and gave all the gifts out to other kids that were much younger. LOL. Once, a neighbors’ son pushed my kid brother into the gutter outside the house and he was bleeding, my mum ran to the nearest hospital tying just wrapper across her chest. My dad used to help with our assignments and buy me bread whenever I didn’t want a particular kind of food, mum baths us, dad dresses us up. I remember getting home and boasting to my dad that I now knew how to spell my name, then he taught me how to spell my surname too the same night. memories! Thanks Atoke.

  4. Daisy

    November 4, 2013 at 9:32 am

    I believe that when you have a child, both parties are solely responsible for that child and what eventually becomes of him/her. The idea that a woman is the primary caregiver may have originated from her biological role as the carrier during pregnancy and nurture immediately after, I however think that it is just wrong for a man that has fathered a child to think the only thing left for him to do when a child is born is to provide financially. Children need participating parents whether mother or father. No amount of money you provide can substitute for the care, attention and emotional support you give to a child as a father.

  5. kiki

    November 4, 2013 at 9:50 am

    Mothers are just wonderful gifts from heaven. the one reason i keep on studying or being up to date on news around the world is coz of my mum oh.. if u missed her cane, n u wanted some, let her just as you an obvious question and u answer her with “i dont know”.. hmmm. the rest is left unsaid. weather the question was “kiki wheres your brother?” or “kiki what is 2+-2” u were mad not to be uninformed.. as we grew older, it became “what was CNN’s version of the story” the ‘i dont knw’ reply at that point would be she eyeing your life out and lamenting how she has been wasting money on ur education and dstv subscription’ but as i grow older, i appreciate that part of her more. the way i hustle for information these days is just alarming and if she asks sumthing and i dont know, she just says “haaa.. if u dont know then no one does nw and it makes me smile” little wonder why last week, she said “i really dont know why 2face idibia seems to be more celebrated than p square oh.. bt i like that he married annie” and im like mummy read about ur generation people n leave my own (my mum is 68) n the hilarious answer was” my generation ppl are dying and if i read about them, i ll be depressed n i ll die to so i want to be alive for you and ur children.. ur generation people help me stay young”. with that, i let her be.. my personal minister for information.. if i could go bk in time, i ll pick my mother all over again to bring me up

    • Oluwaseun

      November 28, 2013 at 6:17 pm

      @ Kiki: appears we have similar mums. I remember how my mum would ensure I listened to NTA news as a primary school kid. She said it was terrible to be in a crowd and say “ehn hen?” in response to gist about current affairs. Omo! that’s how I grew to be an info-junkie o. I sooo love CNN (my default channel) and google now. I’ll google any and everything. Will definitely impart that in my kids. But ooooh…. parenting should be a fun-collabo between parents. How I love to see involved fathers. God help us be excellent mothers and fathers….

  6. Aibee

    November 4, 2013 at 10:02 am

    I’ve always wondered about this too. When a child turns out “wrong” (in the sense of the opposite direction to the parents’ expectations) the mother feels in keenly while fathers just adopt an attitude of “after all, you aren’t my only child”.

    As Yoruba people say, the good child belongs to the father and the one who doesn’t turn out right belongs to the mother.

  7. Abby

    November 4, 2013 at 10:02 am

    Thank Atoke for the lovely article…To be honest, i think both parents need to play a role on raising children and not just leaving everything to one parent.. but African mentality strongly believe its a woman role when it comes to raising children very pathetic!!!. my future husbdand please take note, we shall both raise our children equally lol

  8. efe

    November 4, 2013 at 10:07 am

    Recently,l av actually been looking at this same issue,each time l look around and see a mother with her child/children,either having to carry one behind her back and hold the other by the hand,and for me i just say a word of prayer that God bless mothers,cos they have this GIFT of being able to Multi task that is to do a million times at a time,(winks) and they understand everybody language of a child/ren,which Fathers might take for granted.
    Generally looking at most Families,it is mothers who do the child raisisng and if any gets support from the Husband,omo that na plus,and an angel in a man’s form.Cos most men think what l do is provide the money and you do the raising of the children but forgetting that these children belong to them both and when both raise you the children there would no room to shift blames when issues arise concerning the child/ren. And in dis society of us where both parents have to work to make ends meet,the child/ren are suffering because we get to hear a lot of things happening to children these days due to the absence of both parents in raising their children cos we are making MONEy and letting the time we spent with children suffer and replace it with spending so much money to make up for our absence and gift.
    l pray that as Parents, Care givers we will not Fail God in the assignment He has given to us to raise His Heritages with His help,instruction and guidance .
    God bless all are MOTHERS,Expectant Mothers and Mothers to be in Jesus name.

  9. pearl

    November 4, 2013 at 10:08 am

    Both parents should play the role, just that most kids are closer to their mum., but these days, housemaids., computers , televisions, play the roe of caretaker, counsellor, and attention giver….In this present generation, most parents have failed… and youth need more than clothes, games, good schools, they need your attention, need you to hold them, tell them how beautiful they are, and how much you love them ..else, they willl seek the love and affirmation elsewhere…..thats why young ladies go and stay in abusive relationships….everytin all starts from the foundation….
    I meet a lot of young people that can’t say ” thank you” , ”sorry”… might sound petty….but these things go a long way in helping them when they get into the world out there….
    Please parents….be their friend., cheerleader…and all….teach them our values, culture and respect…..dnt just chase money and career……God has given you those children .dnt fail God in ur responsiblity as a parent!!

  10. Neo

    November 4, 2013 at 10:11 am

    This brought memories men. Just the other day i told my sis i actually miss my mum, cos i havent seen her in like 6 months. And i was surprised cos growing up me and mumc were like cat and dog always fighting. My Dad was the spoiler, the one i had wrapped around my pinkie. My Mum was a no nonsense double koboko weilding ninja, she had the moves like Jagger! Only my Mother can flog you with one cane while simiultaneously flogging any one who was trying to come and help you with the other one. Kai! That woman showed me and its only in recent years i have come to believe her when she said she did it out of love.

    That said, today im proud to say i know a lot of active child rearing fathers.

  11. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    November 4, 2013 at 10:13 am

    Mother is the name of God on the lips of every child

    • Grace E

      November 5, 2013 at 12:37 pm

      only on your own lips sir!

  12. natty

    November 4, 2013 at 10:17 am

    So because Arsenal was playing you can’t take you ill child to the hospital. Irresponsibility of the highest order !! God forbid!! if that child had died now, he will be the one screaming and wailing the loudest. nonsense.
    Its the job of both parents to raise the child, not just the mother. A child is ill and both parents are available, then both should go to the hospital with the child. Some men feel their role is just sperm donor and school fees donator.

    • natty

      November 4, 2013 at 10:57 am


  13. Berry Dakara

    November 4, 2013 at 10:18 am

    This is where I thank God for

    1. My family. Yes, my dad worked a lot, but he wasn’t an absent father.
    2. Cakes. There is nothing in this world that would make him say, “Hold on, Man U is playing (or insert any other thing),” when me or our future kids need him.

    The End.

  14. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    November 4, 2013 at 10:18 am

    Was anyone’s mother military or paramilitary?

    • whocares

      November 4, 2013 at 10:56 am

      LOL. my grandmom was a military cook. My mom and her siblings have horror stories till today! and so do I as I grew up with her. when iwet the bed as a kid? ohhh la la. the beatings!!! lool. she has calmed down massively, but sometimes you see traces of it. one time it was my birthday and my grandmom sewed this dress for me. my tenth. my aunts were coming to lagos to visit and they told my grandmom they would not go to the tailor to get the clothes. According to them, my grandmother said if they didn’t get it, she would curse their bus and they would have an accident. loool. Love eh? 🙂

    • Que

      November 4, 2013 at 12:56 pm

      O yes ke… considering that my dad was d official military
      person, my mum was d unofficial military self appointed General and
      she didnt need any permission to drill us as n wen due… ah..words
      will finish dis page shld I decide to go into her disciplinary
      antics- as in is it when I accidentally lockd my bro n I out of d
      hse one evenin after she n dad had gone out to gbedu, we were stuck
      in neighbour’s hse till bout midnite wen dey got back, i had
      totally forgotten d eba n egusi she had put in a flask for dinner
      till it greeted me as breakfast d next morning..I must ‘ve been
      like 10yrs old.#nowastethings… or is it her ever ready-to-knock
      fingers just waiting for what might look like a reason….mennn our
      routine was without blemish for your own good n d good oof all
      during holidays (as I was a boarder for the most part), u
      wake-greet-bathroom-cleanroom-breakfast-pray for cat to leave hse
      for work so rats can play- play–cat returns- dinner-gist or chill
      if its a cheerful day-hit bed at 9pm. Woe unto you if u decide to
      rearrange it for her without her invitation to do so …cos ur
      father is who again???? My dad was angelic as far as I’m concerned,
      had to travel a lot for work, but was certainly more than a
      financial donor at every opportunity to do so, he was my favorite
      teacher, helped me embrace maths, if by mistake u make me cry u
      better kill yasef b4 he catches you, he’d certainly take me to
      hospital n carry me on his lap when injections threatened my soul,
      my schoolmates knew him cos he was more than likely to visit
      outside normal visiting days cos of work….. n from the moment he
      could thruout my uni days he did all d travellin to visit my bro n
      I (n it could be almost fortnightly or weekly sef when work
      schedule allows) so my mum could focus on business… I naturally
      warmed up more to my dad growin up, but knowing what I know now
      bout how the world works, and all dem days my mama had to manage us
      all in my dad’s absence, meeeennn I worship d ground she walks on,
      and though we agree to disagree on some days,there is no single
      human being I admire more biko! They made a fantastic team, managed
      each other’s weaknesses well and we’re the better for it, Thanks to

    • culturebedamned

      November 4, 2013 at 2:35 pm

      Yup! My mama was military. Army officer to be precise.
      Won’t go into stories because cos this page wont be enough. lol.
      Wish I grow up to be like her (not the military bit though) and
      posess half her sheer inner strength, physical strength and beauty.
      She’s in her 70s but people think she’s in her 50s till she removes
      her head scarf or wig and shows them all the lovely thick grey(she
      refuses to dye her hair) hair. The only one good thing I inherited
      because I am as lazy as they come, the opposite of her.

  15. whocares

    November 4, 2013 at 10:53 am

    Oh my mom!!!!! She beat me so much as a child sometimes I thought I was adopted. lool. And now, I would do anything for that woman. The dynamic of our relationship has changed so much, if you told childhood Temi it would be like this, I would have argued till I turned blue in the face. my mother is Spartan. It irks me when men don’t take responsibility for their children, and it seems to be the norm nowadays when really it should be abnormal. I don’t let that faze me much. I just tell myself that whoever I end up with must have an even greater maternal instinct than I because men can. A woman by virtue of motherhood can be prima facie said to be maternal, but that is not always the case. Men can be too, and they can learn to be the ultimate primary care givers to their kids. The I bring home the bacon, you rear the kids dynamic cant work for me at all as I can bring home the bacon no problem so kini big deal with that arrangement? childrearing duties must be shared between both parents. if not for them, then for the sake of the children.

  16. Iyke

    November 4, 2013 at 10:55 am

    Best years of my life so far were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t neither my wife nor my girlfriend. She was my MOTHER. While a real father shows you who you are,leads, never pushes,instructs and protects. From the cradle, my mother taught me never to underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
    A MOTHER is just what she is, ‘A MOTHER’. (Still looking for that one definition).
    Have a great week folks. Wake up every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen.Exercise to be fit. Eat healthy to nourish your body. And may we live each day in its fullest as defined by our needs,family,friends and coworkers.

    • Bisqo

      November 4, 2013 at 4:33 pm

      like a million times…

  17. eesha

    November 4, 2013 at 11:15 am

    Haha. I used to think my mum was Godzilla herself the way she handled us as kids. You dare not answer when she called you, or play around the neighborhood after school. The fear of her nails digging into your armpit was enough to make us shiver with fear, anytime i heard her car horn it feels like when a nurse calls you to come for your injection. All these and more shaped us into becoming who we are today. I thank God for my mum. May she live long. Amen

  18. Dee

    November 4, 2013 at 11:30 am

    Your stories make me miss my parents soo much :). And I remember my dad was never absent, he was always there to ask how school was and loveed to tutor me on music, he made me love music. Ah! How I wish I could just snuggle next to him again.

  19. Iyke

    November 4, 2013 at 11:49 am

    Best years of my life so far were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t neither my wife nor my girlfriend. She was my MOTHER. While a real father shows you who you are,leads, never pushes,instructs and protects. From the cradle, my mother taught me never to underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
    A MOTHER is just what she is, ‘A MOTHER’. (Still looking for that one definition).
    Have a great week folks. Wake up every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen.Exercise to be fit. Eat healthy to nourish your body. And may we live each day in its fullest as defined by our needs,family,friends and coworkers.

  20. praisy

    November 4, 2013 at 12:24 pm


  21. H's boo

    November 4, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    My dad was never present in my life but I did not feel it.
    My mom was an amazing mom and dad to us. That woman is the
    definition of strength mehn.

    • I formerly known as Miss Anonymous

      November 4, 2013 at 1:21 pm

      I concur!

  22. just me

    November 4, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    Now I miss my daddy more! My mum’s loving was the tough loving…but after beating the hell out of u,she will tell u,I flogged u cause I love u oooo. my mum’s phase”no child of mind will be useless to me n the society,God 4 bid I allow that”. My daddy was the sweet lover,he was always there 4 us,my daddy was actually the one who always took us to see the doc,salon n parties…if my mum offered to take us u will hear stories like pls I don’t want to go,am not sick,that girl is not even my friend,my hair is not old…..cause @ these places,if u loose guard,na ur body go tell u howfar…but in all I love my mum…lost my dad wen I was 11 n I will always miss him. All I ask for now is perfect health n long life 4 my ageing mother. God bless us all as we ve a good week. Thanks Atoke 4 reminding us of our roots.

  23. Funmi

    November 4, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    The supposed “special role” of mothers is an excuse. It is
    true that there are certain things only a mother can do. For
    instance, biologically, a man cannot carry a child, breastfeed etc
    and there are certain powerful bonds that stem from that kind of
    connection. STILL, the fact that women have a DIFFERENT bond with
    children does not absolve men from contributing to child rearing.
    In this day and age when men are no longer sole breadwinners, this
    idea that women need to hold down the home front all by themselves
    is just a way for modern men to keep getting the same deal their
    grandfathers and great-grandfathers had while putting in way less.
    Today, it is simply not true that men bring in the bacon and women
    take care of the home. In fact, too many women are the silent
    breadwinners of their homes, yet they are still expected to attend
    PTA meetings, make sure Junior does his homework, doesn’t misbehave
    in public and takes his medicine when he is sick (not to mention
    all “duties” owed to Papa Junior- the list goes on). Abeg, people
    should fear God.

  24. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    November 4, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    My mother was the third in command Man O’ War when OAU was still Great Ife. The pictures of her abseiling, jumping out of helicopter rides, and punishing men (rolling in the mud) 3 times her size were enough to put the fear of God in any child. She upped and joined the Army as a civilian when she could not get to wear the Uniform.

    I daresay the day I saw my mother as just another woman was one of the turning points in our relationship. She was lying on the bed, her elbows supporting her chin and swinging her legs in the air. It was something one expected from a teenager not someone over 50. I realized then that my mother did not jump from heaven as Bobo’s mother. She was a child who grew from toddlerhood to girlhood, womanhood and grandmotherhood. Later on in life she told me of a fiancé who sent a letter to her family on the day of their engagement ceremony to call off the wedding. My mother is a woman who had dreams, crushes, gossiped, studied, was heartbroken, and once fell on the dance floor cause of her heels. She also has principles and standards which she aspires to. It made me more humane and understanding towards her and accept that whatever action was done whether right or wrong was done in the thought of what was best for us rather than some Jesus loving Hitler.

    Parents are people who learn on the job and fumble and make mistakes along the way. Male and female parents do it differently. You carry a child in your belly for 9 months and above you damn right feel a higher sense of responsibility than someone who oohed and ahhed as your belly swelled. The vissititudes of life may intrude and the love may be expressed by yells, by spontaneous slaps, by loads of pocket money, sometimes if are lucky outright words. But that love is always, always there.

  25. M

    November 4, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    Speaking of Mothers ,it reminds me of the African american woman and her Caucasian husband in my church.anytime she beats their kids and they want to cry out she would put her index finger on her lips like “firm” and the kids would be sobbing sololy hahaha. Then they will run to their dad for 3mins later they are back hugging this same mum that beat them smh. As a child I got away with everything before they could realize what they had on their hand I was all grown up ,they tried to beat me but it just didn’t work, but my older siblings remembers all including tying them to chairs cause they couldn’t recite ABC… am their friend and we talk,share my opinion with them and I love both of them like crazy . raising kids are for both parent cause their job is to compliment each other .

  26. deb

    November 4, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    I’m a feminist but when it comes to developing personalities in children, the responsibility is on the mother. A yoruba adage says that a good child is for the father while a bad child is for the mother. When we critically and honestly study moral decadence in our society we realise that a mother is to be blames and when a mother is tutoring children the man must give his suppor in form of an endorsement in any positive and progressive way.

    • meme

      November 4, 2013 at 6:49 pm

      you say you are a feminist, are you not standing for
      equality between man and woman ? So does that not mean both parents
      are responsible for a child’s upbringing ? correct me if I’m

  27. Chic

    November 4, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    Too many children born and raised in Africa are being
    raised by nannies and that is the truth some parent’s don’t even
    know how to handle their kids when the Nanny has a day off. That
    being said both parents are responsible for raising their

    • TA

      November 4, 2013 at 4:38 pm

      Its becoming the trend among the middle class and upper echelons of the society to have a nanny raise their child. That may have informed the mindset of the artiste Vector who goes on to say ‘the woman should “know how to cook, be understanding, & raise me good kids while I fulfill my own part of the agreement…’ That is just sad. To think that he expects the woman to raise the child to be good while he does his part as what really? Money dispenser? Well,Vector and others of similar mindsets,if you are reading this,Please know that Parenting is a full time occupation for both man and woman who brought the child into this world,not to be left solely to wives,baby mamas,girlfriends,nannies,teachers. Its not something you do when you have the time or feel like it. The day you decide to become a parent is the day you stop living for yourself! There’s no sugar coating it. Its either you give it all your time and energy or don’t bother. The world is already a bad place,don’t make it worse by having children you plan to leave to others to care for. A child is not a dog or cat,that you live at the Vet and say I have done my part and paid you good money so please fix the child to become a good kid. If you cannot care for the child (and am not talking financially),please do not have the child. The End

    • Asaa

      November 5, 2013 at 11:13 am

      I agree with you 100%! Infact, I recently realized that I became too dependent on my daughter’s nanny! I had to step up my game! The truth is that mothers these days are becoming Lazy. Yes, we also work like our men do. We also bring in our own cheese for the upkeep of the house. It’s not easy to be a mother in this day and age. You carry the child, deliver, breastfeed and also expected to rear the child? That yoruba adage is bullshit. We are not footmats,!We need help! Men please get up and help your wives. Your children will love you to give them a bath, feed them, dance with them, read to them, play with them. Mothers are burning out these days! I have decided that I will not die. I will live to cater for my kids! I take out time to rest and have ‘me’ time! Men cannot live without a women to care for them. Drop dead today and he marries in maximum of one year!

      Husbands we need help. Please help us. I cry everyday, wishing my husband were the domesticated type. Unfortunately he is not. Even when I am pregnant, I don’t get the support I need. This starts from their upbringing. Mothers please raise your sons to know that there is nothing wrong in them being in the kitchen. They should learn how to cook and keep clean homes. That way when they marry, it becomes part of them and not a big deal. I have vowed to do this with my sons. They must know these things! God help us!

    • TA

      November 5, 2013 at 4:59 pm

      Ah! Big cyber hug for you dear. Well done! Am very glad you
      mentioned that you would raise your sons differently. I pray God
      gives you the strength and wisdom to do so successfully. If the
      husband won’t help out,can he at least pay for a
      housekeeper/housemaid who will care for other matters like
      washing,cleaning,laundry services etc while you attend to your
      children? House hold chores are not a walk in the park especially
      when combined with other ‘wifely’ duties. Nothing wrong in asking
      for help around the house,if he wont help then he should be kind
      enough to pay someone who will get it done. Its too much to expect
      one person to do it all.

    • TA

      November 5, 2013 at 4:59 pm

      Ah! Big cyber hug for you dear. Well done! Am very glad you mentioned that you would raise your sons differently. I pray God gives you the strength and wisdom to do so successfully.
      If the husband won’t help out,can he at least pay for a housekeeper/housemaid who will care for other matters like washing,cleaning,laundry services etc while you attend to your children?
      House hold chores are not a walk in the park especially when combined with other ‘wifely’ duties. Nothing wrong in asking for help around the house,if he wont help then he should be kind enough to pay someone who will get it done. Its too much to expect one person to do it all.

  28. deb

    November 4, 2013 at 2:24 pm

    *blamed, support*

  29. Faith

    November 4, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    My dear. My mum and my dad alone made up the judiciary, the court House and its personnels ie judge, clerk etc and finally the prison guards if found guilty. As in, I have never seen a more honest persecution panel and judge than my father (only him ooo) and then, my dearest mother,ever loyal assistant judge. Lmaooo. I look back now and am in awe of them. They did their best because if not, I know where I would have been.

  30. Mz Socially Awkward...

    November 4, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    I’ll speak for myself and say that as an adult, I have firsthand experience of the consequences of leaving children to see their mothers as the main child rearers and their dads as only being a vague figure who provides the money. With no apology to my dad, my sister and I spoil our mother a lot more than we do our dad, which is strange when you think that he probably deserves more of our resources since he spent serious cash training & providing for us.

    We do certain things for our dad from time to time but we’re more protective about her because we’ve grown up to appreciate how much effort she put into raising us. He was there but he wasn’t really hands-on and men need to understand the risk they run if they plan to enjoy a lasting relationship with their adult children without building the base of that relationship early on. I can call my mother every single day and call my dad once every two weeks (and I’m being generous, sometimes its once a month), so it’s not hard to see where the affection lies. I love him but I’m just starting to love him as a dad (as opposed to a male parent), whereas she’s always been my mummy. She’s recently started begging us to pay more attention to our dad, which I’m honestly working on but I can’t deny my thoughts turn to her first. Mothers are just mountains of support and protection, mehhn! 🙂

    • Guys Perspective

      November 4, 2013 at 5:35 pm

      I agree with you 100% on the “risk” men/fathers face by leaving women to do the child rearing/raising alone. From my personal experience, there are grave consequences down the road. My father is a very loving person, but we barely spent time together in my formative years, he was stationed for work in a different town, so I only saw him on the weekends, and when he was in town, we the children had to compete with family, social club, and the ever present crowd of people who needed one help or the other for my dad’s attention. Such that my mother had to place a ban on people showing up at our house on Sunday mornings, because we always got to church ten minutes before the service ended. Dumping me and my siblings in the boarding house did not help matters; my father only visited my high school 3 times in all 6 years. I didn’t realize there was a major problem until 2003 when my mother passed away, till date, I can barely have 20 minutes of intimate conversation with my father, and our Sunday phone calls never last for more than 5 minutes. Most of the calls follow a script:
      Phone rings;
      Dad: How was your week?
      Me: Fine, it was good. How was yours?
      Dad: It was good, How is the weather in (insert home city) and are you travelling for work this week?
      Me: The weather is nice, and I am going to xyz tomorrow morning.
      Dad: Oh, that’s good, have a safe flight and a wonderful week.
      Me: I wish you the same.
      Dad: Bye
      Me: Bye
      I love him dearly, but there is just not much of an intimate father-son relationship.

    • zsa zsa

      November 4, 2013 at 8:56 pm

      @Guys Perspective, that was my husbands relationship with his dad until he got into college…his mom was EVERYTHING, now they have a pretty good relationship. Hubby’s non existent relationship with his dad has made him a great hands on dad to our daughter. He is involved in everything! Her day care, choosing pediatricians all have to have his approval. When she is not feeling well we BOTH take her to the doctor. Matter of fact, they’re practically joined at the hip!
      A lot of men(especially Nigerian) just do not understand how important their presence is, they think it is enough to just provide financially which is just bullshit.

    • nikky

      November 5, 2013 at 4:41 am

      @guys perspective I have the same relationship with my
      father too. I love him as much as I love my mother who I’m very
      lose to but i can’t say I wish we were a bit closer than we are. I
      honestly am comfortable with the distance. They were both present
      in our lives, we all lived together, I can’t even say my father was
      not hands on in our up bringing he cooked special dishes for us, he
      takes us out etc with all that coupled with my mum traveling a lot
      we we were all still closer to her than we were to our

  31. Dee

    November 4, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    My mum was the main disciplinarian in our house and I always thought my dad was some may say “absent” until the day a teacher made the mistake of sending me home late because he was punishing everyone in my class (someone had called him “agbaya”) BTW I was sleeping in further math class when this happened but since no one would admit to the crime and no one was willing to snitch well we all got to kneel down outside in the sun. My siblings left me behind in school, I had to take public transport home which was not something we did often. Men, my father saw me walking him with a long face he thought I had been crying but the man did not stop and I did not notice him drive by but by the time I got home Lord Jesus, all sorts of uncles were there waiting, my dad and called all of them. My mum ran to meet me outside asking me what happened, I was confused, i said nothing and walked in my father said why are you crying and why are you just coming home late?? I was not crying but once he told him he saw me crying; men see as water works started… My father was going to get soldiers to get this teacher bring him in and beat him, he said the teacher needs to know how it felt too. The teacher had not beat us yet but had threatened that when we get in to school the following day we should not bother going to class but just kneel down and the beatings will start(this was a private school btw). My mother had to call school the proprietor and teachers and told them if the teacher laid hands or even brought up the case na mopo and soldier he will be reporting to. The proprietor had to come to our house that evening with another teacher to plead with my dad. Trust me after that every teacher did not touch any of my father’s kids. Both my parents; both mum and dad are not perefect( my mum would slap you next to a wall so the wall can do its part and send your face back to her) but I love them both because they stood and by God’s grace still stand by us when we need it the most wether it is with nosey neighbours and pastors who try to act all caring but are just gossiping or teachers going to far in the name of discipline. This just brought back memories.

  32. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    November 4, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    I believe that at the end of the day you are responsible for who you are. Even if your parents did not train you, your eye no open reach see say their way no pay? Our parents are wonderful but faults dey. You follow emulate bad behavior join good upbringing. The things our parents were not should teach us what we should be. Pickin body dey hot na Arsenal you dey follow tout so you can sound intelligent with your guys when giving a blow by blow account of the match over a sport that you are only interested in because it seems fashionable to be so. Mama pickin dey there abi? Amadioha fire that your ass! Why wont Arsenal have a drought of wins? when person like you go make mothers curse and cry while they suffer and struggle over a child you both brought into the world. Na repent follow your matter o. Before Jesus personally summon you for questioning.

  33. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    November 4, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    I believe that at the end of the day you are responsible for who you are. Even if your parents did not train you, your eye no open reach see say their way no pay? Our parents are wonderful but faults dey. You follow emulate bad behavior join good upbringing. The things our parents were not should teach us what we should be. Pickin body dey hot na Arsenal you dey follow tout so you can sound intelligent with your guys when giving a blow by blow account of the match over a sport that you are only interested in because it seems fashionable to be so. Mama pickin dey there abi? Amadioha fire that your ass! Why wont Arsenal have a drought of wins? when person like you go make mothers curse and cry while they suffer and struggle over a child you both brought into the world. Na repent follow your matter o. Before Jesus personally summon you for questioning.

  34. slice

    November 4, 2013 at 3:11 pm

    i always jump at any opportunity to honour my dad and speak greatly of him. he’s probably one of the biggest reasons I feel so special as a human being. he just would light up whenever i walked into a room. still does. very hands on father. checking homework, asking me to eat my food and explaining why (no cane for not eating), carrying me in his arms to rush off to the hospital and generally just joking around and making growing up fun. And he spent majority of the money too so it’s possible to provide and also be a hands on dad. I love him and my mum too. They both did a great job as parents.

    • TA

      November 4, 2013 at 4:49 pm

      Aww! Nice!!! Sounds alot like my parents. I still have fond memories of mom making breakfast on school mornings,while my dad would be giving us a bath and singing in his booming baritone as we laughed and blew soap suds in his face (we dared not try that if it was mom giving us a bath o. LOL! 🙂 Mom never hesitated to spank or beat with anything she could find when we erred; her shoes,purse,that ladle for turning Eba, instantly became a cane LOL! Dad rarely beat us but we feared him more when it came to physical discipline. Go figure!
      May God help us to be good parents,even better to our own children.

    • slice

      November 4, 2013 at 5:44 pm

      your dad sounds like great fun. thank God for good dads

    • Idak

      November 5, 2013 at 2:13 pm

      A hug to your dad for redeeming manhood. Such men are worthy of praise.

  35. mia

    November 4, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    thanks mum, for those slaps that evaporates the foolishness out of you and bring you back to sanity! my mum was so quick to use her hands on u and the talk no dey finish, but one thing i admire about her is that early enough, she got over the fact that we’re kids, she started handling us like adults, giving us our independence and even asking us for advice, it’s just as though she feels she has done a good job and she’s just relaxing to reap the rewards. love you mum!

  36. cozygal

    November 4, 2013 at 4:04 pm

    it is good that men play a prominent role in the life of their children but the truth is no matter how much, nothing takes the place or role of a mother (this is not an excuse for the men). My mother…hmmm. I’ld say her training was balanced. The slaps, the talks, the words, made us great people. But i’ve learnt one or two things – I do not think she did them wrongly, I only plan to implement the same wt a different approach when I av my kids

  37. TA

    November 4, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    Atoke of Life,se owa pa? Fantastic topic; This mindset of ‘If a child turns out wrong its the mother’s sole responsibility’ is not only morally wrong but a sad status quo. Too many absentee fathers. Both parents are responsible for raising a child; morally,emotionally,financially,physically,mentally and so on and so forth. 🙂 Naturally,most children spend more time with their mothers ,this may explain why mothers usually get the flak if their children turn out bad. But I have to ask,who is the head of the family? The man!! A woman is a helper,an assistant,so if we are looking at trading blames,its actually the father to blame primarily for a child who grows up to be irresponsible. While we are on the topic,lets not forget that once a child is old enough to understand the consequences of his actions,then he should be held responsible not any of the parent.
    PS: I often wonder about kids who grow up in orphanages/foster homes?
    Who do they look to for guidance? Caregivers? Am genuinely curious

  38. hot mama

    November 4, 2013 at 4:30 pm

    Who sat and watched my infant head……my Mother!!!!! my angel on earth…so many stories growing up. I remember her saying to us kids when we had it coming” I’ll kill you and give birth to you again”..loool, you just know say your own don be that day…or when she wears shorts in readiness for thwacking, we’d run outside the house and wait for my father to come home…lool. loveee my parents to bits.

  39. esther

    November 4, 2013 at 4:42 pm

    As a teenager, my mum and i locked horns A Lot…. Inspite of all that, she was and still is my person. Whenever i was down in the dumps, she always had the right words to put things in perspective, making me wonder why i ever fretted in the first place. But mehn, she was tough. she would hit you with the first thing she picked up, sometimes abused the living daylights out of you( kinda embarassed to admit)….lol. But she a strong woman and i love her to bits. That said, man and wife should raise the kids together, pamper together and discipline together ( mr husband shouldnt leave me to discipline them alone just so the kids can think he’s the fun parent just because he waltzes in after i’ve done the did with presents and stuff)

  40. frances

    November 4, 2013 at 6:17 pm

    My mumsi had “the eye” too.once u look u,and u nor behave,plenty wahala for u for house.
    I appreciate her for all now though,it moulded me into who I am today.
    But fathers do have a mighty role to play in rearing kids.yes d moms may spend more time wt them but combined effort mks for a better home.
    I saw a banker that took time off work to go wt d mom and kids 2d man like una b dat o.
    My dad also used to visit me at d hospital wenever I was sick and hospitalised,my mum slept over but popsi was always theRe too.
    Na both hands get d children.

  41. meme

    November 4, 2013 at 6:46 pm

    God bless my mum mehn, she is my rock! right from start,
    she has always been the one, financially, emotionally, you name it,
    and then you have my dead beat father, hot headed and all he did
    was beat or spark at the most petty things smh. From the way I grew
    up, my husband and I are raising the kids together and not just him
    being there financially but he has to be there emotionally for the
    kids. Mothers always have the kid’s heart and its easier to warm up
    to mum but my husband must be there for the kids in all aspects. I
    do not know how its done in Nigeria but in western countries where
    both parents have to work and you cannot afford a sitter 24 – 7 .
    we have to share the tasks in order to have a happy home.

  42. Wooooo

    November 4, 2013 at 7:00 pm

    Nigerian mothers did a good job yet the country is full of corrupt people, wicked, hard-hearted, callous fools?!!!!

    Fathers need to spend time with their children so they get softened or softer which means less wars and embezzling.

    Mothers need to stop pouring frustrations and fears(over kids not doing well and father getting another wife) on kids. Most of the beatings are just frustrations, I think.

    Beatings should be used as at when needed not just sprayed around. It s a quick fix and only bad mothers use quick fixes.

  43. Wooooo

    November 4, 2013 at 7:02 pm

    It is not really about being a mother but about being good: holy, hardworking(not wasting God-given talents), nice, etc. A good person will make good mother. But a bad person should deal with her sins first before becoming a mother

  44. Wooooo

    November 4, 2013 at 7:07 pm

    Bill Gates, Richard Branson, Nick candy etc are successful and their mothers are not Nigerian. The best countries in the world did not start from Nigerian cradles.

    I think some Nigerian mothers are corrupt. They nag their husbands to steal and ause their children until those ones do something criminal so the fruit of labour can show.

  45. Wooooo

    November 4, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    A lot of Nigerian ‘mothers’ allow their husbands to commit evil. They use thier connections to push their child where he/she is not qualified for.

    Some Nigeria mothers will rather sacrifice others’ children for theirs whereas Western mothers will rather commit suicide.


    November 4, 2013 at 10:56 pm

    If the child is not growing up in a one parent home, then
    its the responsibility of the both to raise the child. Growing up
    my mum was definitely the disciplinarian, and my dad was the
    enforcer, all he had to do was speak and it was a wrap! But we were
    closer to our mum, than our dad, it really shouldn’t be so.
    Children should be free with both parents. Ms SA summed it up
    nicely, men will lose out if they are not hands-on with their kids.
    You don’t want a situation where you walk in and your children just
    slowly file out of the room because of your presence. We are in
    2013, all that story of only the mother being responsible is
    rubbish, if two able bodied ppl were involved in the conception of
    the child, then those same two ppl are responsible for raising that
    child. Or else you lose out on what really makes that child tick,
    you lose out on really seeing a child going on that journey into
    adulthood. ~ There’s two important things you give to a child,
    ROOTS and WINGS to fly~

    • meme

      November 5, 2013 at 12:14 am

      lol reminds me of my childhood, my siblings and i were
      never close to my father, till now because there’s really nothing
      to say. When we were growing up, as soon as we hear his footsteps
      we just start running, be it the living room, kitchen, anywhere. we
      never felt comfortable around him. I would not want my kids to grow
      up and have that same relationship with their dad. Things will
      definitely change.

    • Geebabe

      November 5, 2013 at 10:26 am

      Even if the child is growing up in a single parent home, it is still the responsibility of both parents to raise the child. The parent who lives apart owes it to his/her child to be an active parent. If they choose to abdicate their responsibility then it’s their loss.

  47. Ohmine

    November 5, 2013 at 12:05 am

    @ Bobosteke &Lara Bian you are on point “at the end
    of the day you are responsible for who you are”

  48. nikky

    November 5, 2013 at 4:42 am

    @guys perspective I have the same relationship with my
    father too. I love him as much as I love my mother who I’m very
    lose to but i can’t say I wish we were a bit closer than we are. I
    honestly am comfortable with the distance. They were both present
    in our lives, we all lived together, I can’t even say my father was
    not hands on in our up bringing he cooked special dishes for us, he
    takes us out etc with all that coupled with my mum traveling a lot
    we we were all still closer to her than we were to our

  49. Shona

    November 5, 2013 at 10:27 am

    Wow…loving the comments..My mum was nd stil is really strict…she twisted our ears,slapped,etc..taught us the good way of life…made us responsible…Big thnx to her for everything.

  50. Asaa

    November 5, 2013 at 11:16 am

    I believe mothers have a special place in God’s heart! I am proud of myself! Thank God for making me a mum. I appreciate all mothers. It i snot an easy task!

  51. Serenity

    November 5, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    I love my parents, I can’t decide who I love most between both of them, My parents were always there for me, when I am sick, in pains and I can talk to them about anything, they are caring, loving and understanding. My mum is loving and and very strict. My Dad was there during PTA Meetings, Health issues, even when I gained admission into University (registration period) 1st semester 100 level. I don’t know who I love most between both of them. My mum is a very nice but strict woman that does not take nonsense from us. Men can also be a caregiver but they must start very early, when the child is still young.

  52. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    November 5, 2013 at 4:00 pm

    Can someone grab a copy of today’s PUNCH and turn to page 45? It is captioned “Pregnant at 18 best Graduating Student at 25”

    For those who cant, apparently the student (Aishat Farooq) finished from Bells University of Technology Ota, Ogun State as the best graduating student after dropping out of the University of Ilorin in 300L when she got pregnant. She stayed at home for 3 years to raise her son.

    Read how her father became her greatest cheer leader and his undying belief in his child.

    • TA

      November 5, 2013 at 5:13 pm

      Ah may you live long dear Bobos,You know my mind flashed to this article when I saw that story in Punch. Great dad her father is. And I like her sense of determination too,she’s quite a focused person.

  53. Tincan

    November 5, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    I think one just needs to look at the UK to get some perspective to this issues. It’s a well known and accepted concept that children with ‘absentee’ fathers are more likely to turn out as misfits. This is the case with many Nigerian Fathers too. They may think that just being part of the family is enough but it is possible to ‘be there’ and ‘not really be there’ as in the case of the arsenal fan you cited. I think it is extremely important for fathers to be present and hands-on and affectionate and caring for so many reasons not least because they set the tone of how their children would act when they have families of their own, they teach the children that they are loved and accepted at home (so the kids are not running about looking for acceptance and validation outside the home), they bring a particular brand of discipline but also love, they teach boys how to become men in the right way and give girls a certain foundation and stability. I mean, a good Father is invaluable. And, women (and men actually) have a part to play in this too, if you bring your son up to feel like he is God’s gift to a woman then we’ll keep on perpetuating this rather sad and damaging myth.

  54. Anonymous

    November 5, 2013 at 5:02 pm

    I’m 28 years…I looooooooooooove my adopted parents to the moon and back! God bless my mum..disciplinarian , firm & loving! My dad…my best jisting partner.We talk about anything and everything, family issues, my job, boyfriend, ‘sex’, boys with mouth odor…LOL. ANYTHING!
    But my mom…I can do ANYTHING within my power & means for her! Everyone says she did a perfect job at raising me, even my mother-in-law!
    Growing up, with just one look, you will know whether to eat or not whenever we go visiting family-friends. She will sit with me till 12midnight doing school assignments with me, show up at PTAs, open days…
    One thing i always pray for is longlife & good health for them.

  55. riri

    November 5, 2013 at 6:42 pm

    My mom shaped me into the woman I am now. Taught me how to walk, sit, cook, wear makeup, read books. She was my doctor, my lawyer, my prison warden, my chauffeur, my everything. She was also strict that I felt like running away sometimes. She always had a slap, blow, whip, knock, whipping 4 any transgression. But she also had hugs, laughter, music, travels, , experiences up her sleeves too. She drew a long line of chalk down our corridor and made my sisters and I walk on d line without looking at it. This was to make us walk like ladies. She died b4 I was 14. Now, I’m older. I miss the chance of being best friends cos we used to fight a lot when I was a kid. And I miss her everyday of my life. Love u always, ur once-a-rebellious-nerdy-kid

    • Munwa

      November 5, 2013 at 10:48 pm

      May she rest on in peace. Hold her memory tight.

  56. Daniella

    November 5, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    Both of my parents were hands-on but the funny thing is that I have a closer bond with my dad than my mum. He was always there to the extent that while i was still a toddler, my mum could leave me with him and go on her night duty as a nurse. There was a time she was away for a few months on a course before i turned two and she left me with my dad. Needless to say, I did not remember her by the time she returned and she had to re-establish the connection. Whilst growing up my dad bathe us, dressed us and cooked whenever my mum wasn’t around or was busy attending to other chores so I just assumed that every other dad was like mine. It wasn’t until I saw the surprise that greeted my friends’ faces each time they saw the way I related with my dad that made me realise that the kind of relationship we had wasn’t the norm. We could talk about anything. I didn’t get involved in a lot of vices, not due to lack of opportunity, but because I never wanted to betray his trust. In fact my male neighbours and friends were scared of toasting me because they would tell themselves, “Daniella will tell her father that you asked her out” (lol). God willing I want to be able to give same to my kids. God bless my parents.

  57. ima

    November 5, 2013 at 8:44 pm

    i speak to my dad every day and my mum at least once a week. my dad was and still is a full hands on dad. all my memories as a child and young adult include him. my mum was and still is alive but she was never really there the way my dad was. she is a loving woman and all but shes more of a tough love kinda woman. anyways i know she loves me and i love her. i remember most of what she did when i was a child but i can never deny the fact that i appreciate my dad more than i appreciate my mum. he had a 9 to 5 job infact not a 9 to 5. more like a 7 to 11 job but he was always there for us. especially when we started getting older. i cant even begin to write all the things that he did for me and still does for me. most people see me and think im a daddies girl but the thing is he treats all my siblings the same way.

    i cannot imagine marrying a man who thinks for a second that his only job is to bring home some money since my dad did it all. he bath us, he fed us, he carried me on my neck, during Christmas he was very involved in the cooking process, he drove me to school (sometimes the driver drove but he was in the car), he took me to the doctor when i was sick. he was and still is a huge part of my life.

    i think my mums greatest gift to me is giving me a father like that. i mean she couldnt have picked a better man. and i intend to give my children that same gift. however my mum made me who i am. she thought me that life is not a bed of roses and im so sure i would have lacked alot of morals if not for my mum

  58. Eeephee

    November 5, 2013 at 9:36 pm

    The way I love my mother now I ehhnn, I wonder what I was thinking back then. Back then I used to think she hated me and that I was adopted. I remember one time, after some serious lashing and talking to for some obviously stupid thing I had done, I told her that she was not my mother and that I was going to report her to my grandmother, her mother, she just laughed and said, ‘if I am not you mother how is my mother your grandmother’, that shut me up, I never mentioned her not being my mother anymore, I love my grandmother so much, I guess I couldn’t bear the thought of the possibility of her not being my real grandmother.
    Mehn but I gave my parents wahala oh, I ran away alot as a kid, each time my mother was slowly driving behind me waiting for me to get tired, LOL.
    My father, hmmm, he travelled a lot and was at work a lot, he was the spoiler, the one to take us to Nicon Noga Hilton, (true abj bred and buttered, LOL) to go swimming, sheraton for lunch, he rarely ever flogged us but omo when he did, you would fall in line. The last time my father flogged me I was in uni, yup uni, I think I was beating or maybe fighting one of my kid sisters, omo when my father raised that cane we rearranged oh, he still maintains that no child of his is too big for the cane, chai grown ass masters degree holding lawyer like me.
    There is nothing like having both parents who are present, two of the scariest decisions I think I have to face in this life is getting married and having kids, i am so scared that i wouldn’t be able to do it half as good at it as my parents are.

  59. Eeephee

    November 5, 2013 at 9:38 pm


  60. Munwa

    November 5, 2013 at 10:40 pm

    hmmmmmm my family was different, both parties played their parts well. My mum was always there to take me to the hospital, my dad was there to encourage me to take my medication (i hate drugs). My mum taught me how to clean the house, my dad taught me how to cook my first meal ever. my mum taught me geography, english and french, my dad took over with all my science subjects. I would say my parents did their fair share of parenting and i’m grateful to them both.


    November 6, 2013 at 1:01 am

    Such a beautiful and thought provoking piece. Thank for

  62. Tayo

    November 6, 2013 at 9:17 am

    My dad was never there, my mum literally forced me to reach out to him, but he didn’t want to have anything to do with us, I guess his work was more important, anyway, superwoman tightened her belt, worked harder, sent me and my sis to the best schools, upgraded herself through part time studies, went from being a low level registered nurse in the eighties to being a phd holder in her lane in the nineties and she got called to the Nigerian bar a few years ago; she always achieved all her aspirations and goals and she still found time to raise her children. I began to see her in a different light recently, when my boss and my colleagues said that- ” we need to meet your mum to thank her for raising an exceptional human being” , what more can I say? she achieved her goals of raising God fearing and well-rounded children. My mum is my super hero, she is a superwoman.

  63. maureen

    November 6, 2013 at 9:48 am

    mehn my father was the enforcer! what ever evil you had done prior to his arrival from work my mum would tell you your punishment and wait for her enforcer(my dad) to carry it out but being the typical last born i escaped the enforcer often,lol.All this is to say that marriage is a partnership both people have to collectively raise and nurture the kids.

  64. imsexyandiknowit

    November 6, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    Vector and other men that think like this lack vision. If anyone tells me its our CULTURE i will give them one huge cyber slap!..If i needed an ATM machine only, then i will marry a man as rich as dangote and not your broke ass! . what kind of life do you think you will create for a child under such circumstances. Look, if nigerian culture doesnt work for me in 2013, i am ditching the nonsense. culture is meant to evolve as time changes…but ours doesnt cos we live in a chauvinistic society.

    NOW men listen up! If you dont want to regret your life in old age u better contribute towards raising the kids and helping your wife. God bless the man that impregnates me and thinks he will be going clubbing! i refuse to marry an irresponsible selfish idiot and thats what most guys of today are…i dont blame them..their fathers did it…and their mothers let them.

    i blame mothers for raising sons like vector! the ones that think raising a child is a womans job..while they galavant and sleep with different women. who the hell are you kidding? genetics has a lot to play on how your child ends up. I for one will not marry a man like vector..for one simple reason….I DO NOT WANT A SON THAT THINKS LIKE VECTOR!

    GOD bless any son of mine that thinks he will sit down while his sisters go into the kitchen to learn to cook. God bless any son of mine that thinks his job is to play computer games while his sisters serve him food! God bless any mother in law of mine that tries to tell me ‘it the job of a woman’..if she took rubbish in her marriage DOES NOT mean i should take it in mine!

    I blame mothers for raising sons like can ur wife be pregant and u dont help? what kind of sick society is this? if i have to work just like you, then you have to also pull your damn weight at home gaddamnit! Marriage is a lifelong journey and heaven knows i wont be doing it stuck with a chauvinistic and selfish man!

    the solution is very simple! women, raise ur sons to be helpful and raise them to not feel entitled. in order words…raise gentlemen. cos if u dont, one way or the other u will suffer it. Also, women, stop being damn materialistic. cos its ur longthroat for money that makes men like vector feel thats all u need when in reality..u need more.

    Thank God for my father!!! because of him i am able to have such standards and stick to them. And any man that doesnt like it should kiss my behind. end of!

    • B!

      November 11, 2013 at 3:29 am

      AMEN!!!! I love this!

  65. Steph

    November 6, 2013 at 9:54 pm

    Big kiss 2 mum n dad cos de both added up tremendously 2 my up growin,my dad was supre duper effective cos we cn gist wit him ,laff,play,wear jst br* n p***t in his dad visited me 4 de 3 yrs in se high sch cos dat was wen l became a border,he was de 1 hu took us 2 hospital,he flogged n corrected us wen due.his only flaw was nt knwin hw 2 cook,buh on de oda hand,my mum was a stern displinarian,a no nonsense woman buh caring n [email protected] same tyms n in my huz u dare nt say u dnt knw hw 2 cook,l have 2 kid bro n guess wat our format z l cook,he wash de dishes n de oda cleans de huz 4 de day,it rotates among de 3 of us jst lyk dat n dare u 2 cook rubbish,men!u go finsh am even lf its up2 1 frnds knws wen my dad calls me cos l cn neva stp laffin n de call cn go on 4 1hr.l mysef luv n respect my dad cos he z de 1 male figure inm my lyf n his lmpression z nt bad @ [email protected] oda hand l owe 2 my spritual lyf,respect,humilty n any gud trait l cn care 2 mention.l love my mum n dad xo much.tank God 4 dem.

  66. therapist

    November 9, 2013 at 10:16 pm

    hmm,Atoke knows how to choose her topics oo,remember the eye contact when offered goodies in public.try taking it and see what happens when we get home.

  67. moreofdaddy'sgirl

    May 9, 2014 at 5:09 pm

    Hmmn. Everybody seems to be singing chorus about their mum. First and foremost, I believe both parent should be responsible for their children upbringing. I am and will never be in support of extremely strict discipline, all in the name of ‘training a child’. Yes this is my view and you may have your own perspective, but i can give thousand and one reason why mothers should not be too harsh or strict with their children. Looking back into my growing up, i will boldly say that i had the best childhood, in as much i had a confusing childhood experiences. Or maybe let’s put it this way, my mummy wasn’t that kind of a woman who will beat you until you need a doctor, but she has many ways of disciplining you, which to be wasn’t the best way of incurring discipline to a child. I am old enough now (at least i am now above 20) to stay put with this perception of mine. My mummy could do things to you that you will start asking if you were adopted or not. To some people they may still call this an act of discipline but to me, it wasn’t and will never be. Let’s look at few things my mummy was capable of doing back then, not only to me but to others, but i got the greatest of all this because i was very stubborn as a child (maybe all these made me very stubborn) but now, i am different from what i was. Mummy will ask you to use the mortal to grind egusi, tomatoes, pepper, onion, even when we have blender and there was electricity, my mum will wake you up with cane in the middle of the night to go and wash the plates you didn’t wash before going to bed, she has once cut my hair in the middle of the night, for not tidying the kitchen before going to bed, not giving you the food she cooked if you never participated in the cooking, travelling and giving others provision but never gave me because i did her wrong long before the date she travelled, of which has a kid i couldn’t remember the wrong thing i did that may warrant her not to give me my own share of provisions too, i could go on and on but let me stop here. The only grace we the children had including my cousins who stayed with us, was that God gave us the opposite of my mummy as a daddy. Yes, oh yes, i love my daddy so much. I can sing those choruses i have seen here as comments. If not for my daddy, maybe just maybe i would have committed suicide as a child. Daddy was and he is still everybody favourite, especially we the girls including the boys. Daddy has been there for us from birth till date. He gave us listening ears and made us see him more like a brother than a daddy. We could discuss just anything with daddy because daddy will never condemn us instead, he will correct us with love. Daddy is my first love ( after God). He beats us if you dare misbehave, especially with your academics but he has this forgiving spirit and would never remind you of your past, which mummy always did. Mummy never bought pads for us, but daddy always did till date sef if you allow him, lol.. Mummy never taught us anything about my menstruations but daddy did and made sure we were enlightened about sex education. I can keep going on and on about my daddy and mummy, but let me rest it here.
    Above all odds i and my siblings must have faced, we have decided to love our parents (mum and dad), but the only difference there is that we are closer to daddy especially we the girls and my younger brother. The only person that has that kind of closeness with her is my elder brother.
    Above all, i keep thanking God for my both parents. In everything of life, i strongly believe that God know well. He knows why He has decided to give us our mother. She actually made us strong in terms of facing life challenges. She is a good woman, Very soft at heart, but doesn’t know how to inculcate discipline to a child. Yes mummy is now a grandmother of 4 and we pray she live long in good health to be a great grandmother. We love you mummy, i love you very much mummy, i only wish i can get closer to you and discuss alot with you. I LOVE YOU MORE DADDY, YOU ARE MY HERO.

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