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Geraldine Ogwe: My Encounters with Love



I believe in love – whether it working for me or against me. I admire people, especially young people, in love. I like the way they show love, as if their lives depend on the happiness of their partners.I see young lovers feed each other out of love. It may just be a scoop of ice-cream, a love bite on a fried chicken or just taking a sip from a lover’s drink. I love the incessant calls and texting.

Love is sweet when it is mutual. I want to love and be loved. When I thought I was ready for that, I opened up my heart and then one after the other, men strutted in. The very first boyfriend I had was Emmanuel. He suffered from sickle-cell anemia. When he was not in crisis, he was a jolly good fellow. His family was well to do and they tried their best possible to curtail his crisis. Emma was loving and he made me a little popular in my neighborhood. He would come in his right-hand drive Forerunner to pick me up. Right hand drives were not popular then. He would park right opposite my compound and cross over to call me. I was sixteen, he was twenty-one. As soon as I appeared, he would hold my hands and walk me to the car. I was still a virgin, and he never bothered to eat the cookie. He was a gentleman. We were intimate in a non-sexual way. He always introduced me to his friends as CHASSIS. I felt loved with him. Just when I was about getting used to the love, Emma died. I mourned him for two years then I moved on.

In my undergraduate days, I focused on my studies and tried to stay away from boys. My girlfriends were socially active. During semester breaks, we partied and clubbed. My girlfriends supplied me with undiluted fun whenever I wanted. Individually, they tried to hook me up. Finally, I decided to go out with Paul. He was in his final year while I was in my second year. He was our Director of Socials. He was a very possessive but faithful lover. I feared his temper. He could embarrass me publicly out of love. I kept him for social activities. With him, I had unrestricted access to campus activities. As soon as he graduated, we lost contact.

One cool evening, after my final year first semester exams, I met Dappa. He was parked by my hostel gate. He beckoned on me; I answered. After pleasantries, he offered to take my girlfriends and I out. The man said he wanted to suck. I didn’t understand so I asked him if he was a vampire. He laughed and said he wanted to suck my downstream sector. Just like that. I think it is rude to ask someone for any sexual favours the same day you met them.

A couple of days later, Anderson came. Two days after we met, he claimed he bought me gold jewellery but would give them to me by midnight of any day I chose. Ufuoma came three months after. I had just finished my degree exams. My girlfriend Mercy and her boyfriend, Zeke, decided to take us out. Ufuoma was Zeke’s friend. Ufuoma had charm. I was already a graduate, so I decided to pitch my tent with him. I felt ready for marriage. Ufuoma was thirty-two. I was twenty-two. He was tall, slender and had a little sexy scar by his left eye. He was my majordomo. I noticed that whenever I visited him, I didn’t spend any extra day. As soon as he was leaving for work, he would tell me to get dressed. The house was always cleaned at night, so no need for me to stay back. Sometimes, in a week, he wouldn’t pick my calls or call back. Later, he would tell me he was at the rig. He introduced me to his family members and friends as LAST BUS STOP. He told me to ask my father how marriage was done in my place. He even took me to his construction site where he was building a house. He showed me my room.

One Sunday evening, we slept in his brother’s house. On Monday afternoon, Mercy brought his wedding card to me. He was getting married on Saturday, in a few days’ time.

Geraldine wept. My sister asked me if I was pregnant. I laughed and continued my cry. I overcame that but I learnt from it.

Three years after, I met Confidence during our post graduate studies. We never talked in school until after my final exams. He approached me. He was the quiet type. I thought he was a human being but he was a time bomb. Things that clothes cover! Today, he is working in Shell. Tomorrow, he is working in GTBank. Call him by ten in the morning, he would tell you he was still at home. In the evening, he would tell you he was in a meeting with his fellow politicians. I tried to make him a better person but he frustrated all my efforts. He would tell me he was the first son and all his father’s wealth belonged to him. He was more interested in inheriting his father’s wealth than in leaving an inheritance for his own children.

Confidence was a smart beggar.
Confidence: I am really ashamed to ask you but please can I have ten thousand naira? I will pay you as soon as I get my salary.
Me: Salary from which company?
Confidence: I thought I told you I was managing a small firm for my friend.
Me: You are no longer working with the Logistics Company
Confidence: Na wa for you o, you still dey old testament.
Me: What do you need the money for?
Confidence: I want to fix our car

I laughed. Our car when it has problems. His car when it was okay. Cheerful giver like me, I gave. He never gave me back.

On another occasion:
Confidence: A lady is supposed to help and encourage her man. Do you agree?
Me: Sure
Confidence: I need you to help me with some money. I am really broke.
Me: That ATM no dey work again o. If you have any money, lend to me.

When my patience and long suffering with him ran out, I moved on. I was tired of being his Charity Organization.

Finally, I met Gerald. Our names brought us together. We met in a workshop where we were both presenters. He came and showed me why it never worked with any other person. He is tall, dark, handsome, hardworking, jovial, kind, young but mature, and God-fearing. He knows a little about everything. He knows what to do to please me. He holds my magic wand. Just mention that you are a friend or relative of Geraldine, he would immediately absorb you into his inner circle. He is a giver. He is my very own Voltron, the defender of my universe, my Union Bank (Big, Strong, Reliable).

We have dated for two years now. He finally wants to put a ring on it but I told him to wait another year. I am enjoying myself. I don’t want marriage to change this type of loving. I don’t want to be loved because one feels it is a moral or civil duty. I want to be loved because I am Geraldine.

Silly, right? After kissing frogs and then comes Prince Charming, would you ever want any delay in being his wife?
Are you scared that marriage may change your partner?

Photo Credit : Dreamstime | Michael Zhang


  1. p

    September 4, 2014 at 2:04 pm

    lovely Read

  2. Ehi

    September 4, 2014 at 2:08 pm

    I love you Geraldine!!!No homo lol..Me I am 22,never been in love.Can’t wait!But chill ooo,ur man has proposed and u tell him to wait for a year,i love you more!No pressure.Be yasef!

    • Geraldine Ogwe

      September 5, 2014 at 11:32 am

      I love you too, in a non-homo way. Don’t worry, true love will find you. May you recognize it when you see it.

  3. princess

    September 4, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    I can totally relate Geraldine… been through similar situations myself with guys… night mares plus some! it still baffles me as to how we are willing to keep giving ‘love’ a chance regardless of how hurt we’ve been in the past? One may say, we’ve been hurt so deeply that being hurt doesn’t faze us anymore, others might say, we are foolish and never learn our lessons. Love is unexplainable/confusing, so much so that now you’re in a happy place, you’re second guessing and asking if it is real. But hey, I guess you know when you know… I would do same too, take my time, pray about it and make sure it’s for real this time. Goodluck sweetie. :*

  4. dups

    September 4, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    Relationships do sucks

  5. Koffie

    September 4, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    Hian, how can someone be introducing you as chassis *side eye. And that 32year old who would never let you stay once he leaves for work, I just guessed he was either married or very committed to someone else. Hope you flogged Mercy’s boyfriend for not telling you. Oga Confidence, liar liar. I can’t even deal, how did you put up with him?
    And your Union bank, Gerald sounds like a keeper. You believe in love darling so trust love, pray about taking the next step if you’re the praying type and ask that that God helps you to trust love. All the best Geraldine, I just said a little prayer for you.

  6. Sylvia

    September 4, 2014 at 2:47 pm

    Completely interesting! but I didn’t see the part when she lost her virginity or is she still a virgin? Did it happen that Sunday evening? or was that why she was crying?… Maybe I lost that part. Nice read.

    • ???

      September 4, 2014 at 4:12 pm


    • Beediva

      September 5, 2014 at 1:20 pm

      lmao…I missed dat part too. Geraldine, pls tell us

  7. Adaeze Writes

    September 4, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    ‘I don’t want marriage to change this type of loving.’ I love this line because, truth is, many people let marriage change a lot of good things for them while others are smart enough to stay the same as regards love.
    This such a nice read Geraldine. Sometimes I fear that people could change be it before or after marriage. We can never tell. Can we?

    • Ada Nnewi

      September 5, 2014 at 10:54 am

      I’m glad i’m not the only scared one, i think i’ve finally meant prince charming but i’m honestly in no hurry for him to put a ring on it….

  8. chidinma

    September 4, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    Lol…[email protected] My Union Bank (Big, Strong, Reliable)…..

  9. CrystalWhite

    September 4, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    Wished mine had a happy ending like yours. You even have option to tell the guy to wait. Hmmm story of my life for the past 3 years: Mr A was so loving pressed all my mumu buttons,he was getting ready to take me to his folks,when he stopped picking my calls,only for some days later his wife starts calling me warning me to stay off.
    Mr B was cool very loving, no job and is not ready to even work,has serious cold feet when it comes to money making venture.
    Mr C will bring down the stars for me if it is possible but guess what”am not ready to settle down i want to travel out and further my studies” after giving me so much hope.
    Well it’s too late too give up on love. Sooner i mean real soon Love will surely find me.
    I know how many times ve cried myself to sleep cos of all the hurts, I know how lonely ve felt in the midst of a crowd.

  10. Amara

    September 4, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    lol, I really enjoyed reading this. I hope you find all the happiness you need with Gerald. Wish you guys all the best.

  11. Loulou

    September 4, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    Lovely write up Geraldine, and may your happiness last forever! In your wanting the love to last forever, you should be careful sha cos men in my experience are very fickle but i am happy you are happy!!!!!!!!!

  12. theisokogirl

    September 4, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    you can have the ring and bid the one year before you get married.nesides your encounters are HILARIOUS..some guys are just specially made.

  13. Madam Tf

    September 4, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    Lovely piece. am sure every lady has a story to tell. I can relate with your story especially that of Confidence. I wonder what is wrong with the men of this generation. is it the economy or they are just lazy. I tell my pop wat some guys do and he is always flabbergasted. , My own Confidence wants to travel abroad. At 35 no work, no savings All plan about going abroad. He fit borrow moni die and he would not return. Even when we go chop, he go use style say he no get. I also tot i could help him find a purpose for his life. omo but the day I took a u- turn was when he tell me say ”we need to pay for insurance of our car” imagine I never drive the car for my life cos I get my own. I told him I no get he now started to beg from 50k down to 5k. imagine . He now started Baby nowadays u always don’t have money imagine? wat happened to a man being a MAN. and I don’t owe him nothing. signs like this should not be ignored such man or boi can never be responsible no be curse.

  14. T.Girl

    September 4, 2014 at 3:39 pm

    hmmm love love love, the problem i have is, those i love dont love me back but those i see as not my type can kill for me!! very awkward, i have never really been happy with love, its just like u Geraldine, from one dude to another, AM ON A BREAK!! Tired.

    • aj

      September 5, 2014 at 4:01 am

      God bless you for this comment. Story of my darn life. Those I like and care for don’t like me and the ones I don’t want are after me. ugh I hate how life is sometimes.


      September 9, 2014 at 1:11 pm

      dat is how love works

  15. beautifulonyinye

    September 4, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    Awwwwwwwwwwww.Amazing read.I can relate to some of what u said e.g Mr Confidence who always asked but never gave and the part about kissing some frogs.Relationships are work sometimes.Congrats on ur Union Bank,he sounds like a real keeper.(Winks)

  16. Iyke

    September 4, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    Love …Love …love ….an unending question that never provides an answer.
    Hmmm,Just musing on love…..
    I think its bad when people try to make love look like something mystical. Honestly,that leaves people who are single or not in love, feeling worse.
    In my opinion, there is nothing to indicate that all the stages/phases you described in your expose as love is anything more than a product of your evolution and phases in your development. Agreed, it’s amazing when you connect with someone.However, when you push love as something wonderful and special, (which is a feel good kinda stuff) I however, feel that you hurt those who are are yet to find it, as if something is wrong with them. Implication being that those who haven’t found it yet, are left to ask why me. They become victims, start visiting pastors for prayers, friends, aunties and strangers pitying them and telling them ‘The Lord will do it’. How do you explain love to the unloved, or to those who haven’t felt that butterfly in their stomachs without making them feel bad?
    (Soliloquizing)…….I guess that’s why I respect people who know their priorities…those who don’t believe in the concept of the ‘One’ and whose primary reason to marry or be with a mate, is other than love ….. to either have children with someone they believe would be a good co-parent, to have financial security, or for companionship. And trust me, these people, have longer and perhaps better relationships unlike those who believe on the concept of being with the ‘ONE’. Why, because they are realistic and their choices are made for a defined purpose.
    Mind you, this is my impression and I came to this belief because I know that Love is far from what we all need. It isn’t enough and is a changeable emotion. People quickly fall in and out of what you call love. And if it happens,and the glue is gone, then what? Anything built on a foundation of love alone is bound to crumble.
    For me, mutual respect, shared goals, and compatibility, will be my definition or idea of love as I know that I need these key traits to be a long lasting relationship.

    • dee

      September 4, 2014 at 7:45 pm

      i hardly understand your responses….

    • Iyke

      September 5, 2014 at 10:38 am

      Most people actually don’t. I guess my mind is a knot of infinite loops.
      Anyways, let know what you don’t understand and I shall break it down for you. Don’t be ordinary. We should all be informed and educated.

    • tunmi

      September 4, 2014 at 8:51 pm

      The-ree gbosas: GBOSA, GBOSA, GBOSA!!!! You articulated my thoughts perfectly

    • Maryanne

      September 5, 2014 at 10:24 am

      Hello Iyke, This was well said. I totally agree that love isn’t enuff to one to tie the knots . Mutual respect, trust, understandng and above all THE DERTERMINATION to make it work. In terms of raising kids, standng by eech other and so on .

      For Geraldine, I am happy for her . My advicee is that she weighs her options and interests before” walking down the aisle”. Say YES to a the “ONE” when you are convinced you can deal with all his/her failings and weaknessess.

      For Iyke, well done Bro, though you come across to me as being cautious in professing love to another or being/falling in love. It sure does exists . One advice: Keep an open mind dear


    • queen B

      September 5, 2014 at 3:58 pm

      u are so on point iyke. a wise woman once said that people make mistakes in marriages or their choice of a partner becos they feel love is the foundation…while some folks said they were waiting for a butterfly feeling in their tummy that might never come. Marriage has nothing to do with how u feel cos when that loves goes what do u fall back on? instead focus on strong values that you would like your partner to have and with time love will grow….remember most of our mothers didn’t fall in love with our fathers becos their marriages were mostly arranged but with time the love grew. Focus on the important things sisters God bless.

  17. ok

    September 4, 2014 at 4:04 pm

    For me,sometimes I don’t understand what love really means. This guy I was dating in school for 3 years,we were doing fine,though he didn’t have so much money cause most times I have to raise him. I didn’t complain cause I saw him as Mr Right until his uncle who stays abroad remembered him and asked him come stay with him..I was so happy for him,even when he was leaving,I bought a lot of things for him. Lo and behold, 3months after he broke with me(Good Friday) I cried like it was the end of my life. But along the line this guy who asked me out when I was in my first year in university but I didn’t listen to because I saw prince charming for my tribe just followed me on twitter on one afternoon,we started chat since then. He’s not in the country,he asked me out again,promising to be loving,faithful and loyal but am confused. Its as if love left me cause I don’t feel it.

  18. anonymous

    September 4, 2014 at 4:16 pm

    my Ufuoma and confidence were one and d same guy…Oh Lord,what i went through in the name of i have my Gerald,i think..but I’m scared and holding out seriously,e looks at me like what do i want again,but once bitten always shy biko,i will be taking it very very slow,unfortunately Gerald has to be d one to suffer like this.

  19. Carliforniabawlar

    September 4, 2014 at 4:27 pm

    I learned the truth at seventeen
    That love was meant for beauty queens
    And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
    Who married young and then retired
    The valentines I never knew
    The Friday night charades of youth
    Were spent on one more beautiful
    At seventeen I learned the truth…
    And those of us with ravaged faces
    Lacking in the social graces
    Desperately remained at home
    Inventing lovers on the phone…….
    From Janis Ian’s song called At Seventeen. Don’t ask me if thats how I feel about love, ‘cos like Omawunmi, who you wan make I ask? For the most part, the lyrics to this song supports my views on romantic love, i.e. ….its a made-up bunch of BS. yup…I said it!! Bulls-dung 😛
    Off to work I go!!

  20. Changing Faces

    September 4, 2014 at 4:35 pm

    Geraldine got me hooked after her article about her mum. You tell stories effortlessly. It’s a beautiful thing having your personal “union bank”… wish you a life of love and happiness

    • Geraldine Ogwe

      September 5, 2014 at 11:34 am

      Thank you. I wrote that article in tears.

  21. Isi

    September 4, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    bobo 1: my first crush, crushed my teenie weenie heart.

    bobo 2: worshipped d ground i walk on, i think i just enjoyed the attention,he cried when ever i tried to break up, problem was ” he had no clear future misplaced priorities”.

    bobo 3: sweet talking funny dude, made me feel alive, he cheated i broke up with him Gbam!. …….

    bobo 4: Chai!! this one hmmmm my mumu button was overpressed oh! fell flat face in love infact stupid describes it , blissfully happy till he used my heart to destroy concrete floor.. i went stone cold

    Bobo 5: some random dude i was his trophy gf (rebound).

    Bobo 6: he was inlove with me, tried to love him till i saw he red eye! break up

    Bobo 7: amazing man (the type of man most girls pray for) i just could give love in return was too broken by bobo 4. I let him go cos i knew i wasnt ready till i heal

    Bobo 8: Amazing dude that became my bestie, should have left it at that.. tried to date it didnt work but remained friends

    Bobo 9: My lucky 9

    The search for love Odikwa strong tin!!!!

  22. sandra

    September 4, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    hmm, I can relate to Geraldine just that I have still not met my right man

  23. luv

    September 4, 2014 at 5:08 pm

    #laufing @ *union bank*…. Love!!! Open ma inner eye to see it in its uniqueness, hmmmm,

  24. @edDREAMZ

    September 4, 2014 at 5:18 pm

    Making sense post nno doubt….

  25. jenny

    September 4, 2014 at 6:35 pm

    hmm, so intrestin n exactly my kind of experience wt love i have not met my Gerald bt prayin to God for the man who will mend my broken heart

  26. Ada Ada

    September 4, 2014 at 7:02 pm

    My “Theodore” bikonu where are you????? This babe is giving up on love slowly ohhh…

  27. SAP HCM

    September 4, 2014 at 7:04 pm

    Chaiiiiii!!!!…”The God of Geraldine and Gerald” Please look down on your daughter with mercy and send her a boo. Thank you Lord because i know you are the Boo Provider.

  28. Dazzle

    September 4, 2014 at 7:10 pm

    Awesome article, brilliant writer, wonderfully executed. Geraldine,you know how they say all that you want would always come to you at the right time? Well now is your time, you have paid your dues, never fear cos a year’s delay to settle wouldn’t change anything for you, you can rest assured, CHEERS!!!!!!

  29. gene

    September 4, 2014 at 7:52 pm

    I love love!

  30. Ephi

    September 4, 2014 at 8:50 pm

    Ufuoma was a damn dangerous guy, some people have hard hearts o, mehn.
    Re: love, I’ve realized it’s so important to build the right foundation, focus on the right things – the character of the individual. It’s such a sweet thing to be in love but there’s got to be more than the butterflies in the tummy feeling so that when the rains and storms come, you will both still stand. Wish you the very very best Geraldine. Stay blessed

  31. Cynthia

    September 4, 2014 at 10:06 pm

    Nice write up Geraldine. I can relate to your story……. Oh confidence, I dated loved him took my money, but shattered my heart.
    Ufuoma…. I dated until I googled, and found out he was a loving caring husband of two kids. I was frozen.
    Then came Paul, stories upon stories he finally relocated and we lost track
    Then came Steve, younger than I was and still wanted to further his studies and wasn’t ready for marriage.
    Currently with a loving, caring man . Who will possibly be the one, but I’m taking it slow. It feels good to be in love once again, but now I’m stronger, mature and wiser.


    September 4, 2014 at 10:23 pm

    Geraldine, can I be honest with you? I always look forward to reading your articles, and I must say you are an amazing writer. Like you, I have kissed many toads, and now I believe that I have found ‘the one’ – only time will tell. I once dated someone with sickle cell anaemia and I loved him so very much 0 unfortunately I broke up with him cos he cheated on me (I found the sex video he made with his ex). I also dated guys that were smart beggars and proper bum holes.

    Why the delay Geraldine? Take a leap of faith, and let him put a ring on it! What’s the worst that could possibly happen dear? Every relationship is a risk, and you may never know unless you take a calculated risk! Go for it, girllllllllll

    • Geraldine Ogwe

      September 5, 2014 at 11:34 am

      Your words are kind. Thank you.

  33. Eve82

    September 5, 2014 at 3:04 am

    Yes, take that leap of faith Girl! Regards and best wishes!

  34. Martha

    September 5, 2014 at 9:55 am

    Lovely write up Geraldine….Take a step of Faith and believe that the LORD that has brought this lovely Gerald into your life will keep him that way, Pray pray pray and believe that it will even be most awesome when he puts a ring on it…#all the best Geraldine.
    As for me Oh dear LORD 25 years of being single ve not been easy they are often full of loneliness please dear God bring my own Gerald…I ve never been in Love but I believe in it and I trust Jesus to bring the right person when its the right time…because his timing is the best and all I can do is pray and believe.

  35. Geraldine Ogwe

    September 5, 2014 at 11:35 am

    Thanks all. Your comments are all appreciated. Wishing us all a lovely weekend.

  36. A!

    September 5, 2014 at 6:23 pm

    Hmmmmmm!!!!! Searched for love of the kind I read in Mills and Boon back in the days and am not exactly searching right now since am married already but I have given up on love and finally decided that kind of “Love” I read about and see on TV either do not exist or am plain unlucky!
    I kissed sooo many toads and met my “Confidence” also in the search for my Prince Charming, and when I finally did meet my husband, a man that claimed to love me and worship the sands I stood on, didn’t care if I had or had no money and was ready to spend his full salary on me if I so much as agreed, I married him! Even when I did feel those funny butterflies in my tummy. Time was of the excess as pressure to marry was mounting on from all corners, I didn’t hesitate to marry.
    Now, am a victim of domestic violence as I get beaten at his anger or provocation and I wonder where all the love he professed flew out the window! I am expecting a child now and I know deep down within me that that’s whre all of my “bottled” love will go to as I cannot confidently say I love my husband or not. It is so sweet to be true today and so nasty and bitter tomorrow that you wonder if yesterday ever existed.
    Sorry for the long epistle but, this is my Story! And to all of you who have been able to enjoy that kind of love I dreamt about, I wish you the best and hope there is love in heaven……

    • koin

      September 5, 2014 at 11:34 pm

      Please baby girl..You are far too precious to stay with a man who beats your azz! If you are staying put because you are afraid of what people would say or if you believe things will change. Please I beg of you…Move on before its too late. I know its easier said than done but please for your sake and that of your unborn child. Please run like your life depends on it. God will be with you.

    • Owelle

      September 6, 2014 at 5:06 pm

      E-hugs boo. I dunno why u are still with this man cos I’m not wearing ur shoes. Try and concentrate on other things that make you happy.

    • Busola Adedire

      Oluwabusola Adedire

      September 8, 2014 at 2:16 am

      I am going to say a prayer of strength for you. You are not alone,

  37. ladyKay

    September 10, 2014 at 6:35 am

    i can relate, I am on my Mr confidence and my mmistake is marrying him and he getting a green card from it. working on a divorce. Mr right is on his way. and Mr confidence is still owing a couple grand in dollars and this Confidence that i married also is mad, has something wrong with him and his family upstairs lol. Funny now but was not funny a few months ago, but we live and learn.


    October 15, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    hi peeps,
    pls advice, how do i know if he truly loves me.

    • Liddieberry

      October 15, 2014 at 5:51 pm

      Please read 5 LOVE LANGUAGES by GARY CHAPMAN…. I believe he doesn’t communicate your love language with you. Tell him what you want him to do for you to make you believe that he really loves you. It is very simple *HUG*

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