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Isio Knows Better: Famous

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Isio-Knows-Better-May-2014-Bellanaija1-562x600I sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, but I do confess that I know better than I did yesterday, last year and a decade ago.

Isio Knows Better is an attempt to capture the shocking and highly entertaining conversation within myself. The conversations between my mind (the sharp witty one), my soul (the lover and the spiritual one) and my body (the playful one concerned with the more mundane things of life). She is the eternal referee between the caustic mind and the sensitive soul. This is Isio. So, here’s to making private conversations public.

Enjoy!

What would you say to someone you knew and all they wanted to be in life was to be famous? I must confess that at intrinsic level I have pondered this. How would you prepare them for the reality of this desire? Like everything in life, fame has two sides. Thirteen years I have been in the entertainment industry, have had a front-row seat into the glory of fame, and seen the crash of many who were once considered glorious.

Perhaps then, an objective view into why YOU want to be famous. How have you prepared yourself for this experience? Do you know what it will cost you? Yes, the society and the media do an elaborate job of explaining the merits of fame. But this will be your reality. Are you ready?

Stumbling into this article in philosophersmail.com has got to be one of the most objective and accurate representation into the reality of fame. It is titled, Your Desire to be Famous- and the Problems it would Bring You.

Enjoy some excerpts!

We don’t always feel comfortable admitting it to our friends; it is embarrassing. But, secretly, the idea of being famous has great appeal. Fame is deeply attractive because it seems to offer very significant benefits.

The fantasies go like this: when you are famous, your good reputation will precede you. You will get warm smiles from admiring strangers. Fame will mean other people will be flattered and delighted {by you}. They will be amazed to see you in the flesh. They’ll ask to take a photo with you. They’ll sometimes laugh nervously with excitement. No one will be able to afford to upset you. When you’re not pleased with something, it will become a big problem for others. If you say your hotel room isn’t up to scratch, the management will panic. Your complaints will be taken very seriously. Your happiness will become the focus of everyone’s efforts. {Others include groupies, great sex, lots of money and free stuff}.

…The desire for fame has its roots in the experience of neglect, in injury. No one would want to be famous who hadn’t, somewhere in the past, been made to feel extremely insignificant. We sense the need for a great deal of admiring attention when we have been painfully exposed to earlier deprivation.

What is common to all dreams of fame is that being known to strangers emerges as a solution to a hurt. It presents itself as the answer to a deep need to be appreciated, and treated decently by other people.

And yet fame cannot accomplish what is asked of it.

It does have advantages, which are evident. But it also introduces a new set of very serious disadvantages. Every new famous person who disintegrates, breaks down in public or loses their mind is judged in isolation, rather than being interpreted as a victim of an inevitable pattern within the pathology of fame.

One wants to be famous out of a desire for kindness. But the world isn’t generally kind to the famous for very long. The reason is basic: the celebrity of a few people will always contrast painfully with the obscurity of the many. Being famous upsets people. For a time, the resentment can be kept under control, but it is never somnolent for very long. When we imagine fame, we forget that it is inextricably connected to being too visible in the eyes of some…

So soon enough, the world will start to go through the rubbish bags of the famous, it will comment negatively on their appearance, it will pour over their setbacks, it will judge their relationships, it will mock {them}.

Fame makes people more, not less, vulnerable, because it throws them open to unlimited judgement. Everyone is wounded by a cruel assessment of their character or merit. But the famous have an added challenge in store. The assessments will come in from legions of people who would never dare to say to their faces what they can now express from the safety of the newspaper office or screen. We know from our own lives that a nasty remark can take a day or two to process.

Social media hasn’t helped. It’s made it far easier than before to be famous. And therefore, by necessity, far easier to be hated. A minor celebrity can now regularly face all the vitriol previously accorded only to Hollywood stars.

Psychologically, the famous are of course the very last people on earth to be well equipped to deal with what they’re going through. After all, they only became famous because they were wounded, because they had thin-skin… And now far from compensating them, fame aggravates it exponentially. Strangers will voice their negative opinions in detail, unable or simply unwilling to imagine that famous people bleed far more quickly than anyone else. They might even think the famous aren’t listening (though one wouldn’t become famous if one didn’t suffer from a compulsion to listen too much).

Every {secret insecurity and} worst fear about oneself will daily be actively confirmed by strangers. One will be exposed to the fact that people one has never met, about whom one would have only goodwill, actively loathe one. One will learn that detestation of one’s personality is – in some quarters – a badge of honour. Sometimes the attacks will be horribly insightful. At other times, they’ll make no sense to anyone who really knows one. But the criticisms will lodge in people’s minds nevertheless – and no lawyer, court case or magician can ever delete them.

Needless to say, as a hurt celebrity, one won’t be eligible for sympathy. The very concept of a hurt celebrity is a joke, about as moving for the average person as the sadness of a tyrant.

To sum up: fame really just means you get noticed a great deal – not that you get understood, appreciated or loved.

The aim that lay behind the desire for fame remains important. One does still want to be appreciated and understood. But the wise person accepts that celebrity does not actually provide these things. Appreciation and understanding are only available through individuals one knows and cares about, not via groups of a thousand or a million strangers. There is no shortcut to friendship – which is what the famous person is in effect seeking.

We should pay great attention to the fact that, today, so many people (particularly young ones) want to be famous – and even see fame as a necessary condition for a successful life. Rather than dismiss this wish, we should grasp its underlying worrying meaning. The {burning} desire for fame is a sign that an ordinary life has ceased to be good enough.

The solution is not to encourage ever more people to become famous, but to put massive efforts into encouraging a greater level of politeness and consideration for everyone, in families and communities, in workplaces, in politics, in the media, at all income levels, especially modest ones. A healthy society will give up on the understandable but erroneous belief that fame might guarantee {happiness and} the kindness of strangers”.

…………..

What do you think? What would  your advice be to a famous person/ fame addict?

Isio De-laVega Wanogho is a Nigerian supermodel, a multi-award winning media personality and an interior architect who is a creative-expressionist at her core. She uses words, wit and her paintings to tell stories that entertain, yet convey a deeper meaning. Follow her on Instagram @isiodelavega and visit her website: http://www.idds.pro to see her professional body of work.

38 Comments

  1. Daisy

    October 21, 2014 at 10:26 am

    Everyone wants to be famous. I will rather be rich and unknown *walk away*

    • slice

      October 21, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      I agree with u. I like money bt not fame.that’s why I don’t like that most u.s states reveal the names of lottery winners. It messes with my fantasy of winning :-). If I cld get all that money quietly…… same reason i’d rather marry a rich wall street investor than a tyler perry for example

  2. Daisy

    October 21, 2014 at 10:27 am

    *walks away*

  3. Ferrari

    October 21, 2014 at 10:53 am

    For some reason reading this made me think someone needs to send this to Chika Ike. Not sure why….

    • Nikky

      October 21, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      And Justin Bieber

    • ThatAbiribaBae

      October 21, 2014 at 1:07 pm

      I had to laugh…

    • Que

      October 21, 2014 at 6:42 pm

      ?…Amd Flavour’s girlfriends!

    • Que

      October 21, 2014 at 6:45 pm

      ‘And’

  4. miss max

    October 21, 2014 at 10:54 am

    True that “fame really just means you get noticed a great deal…” This article should be read and discussed in secondary schools, it will help redirect a lot of our youngsters who just want to be noticed, nothing is wrong with that with all the perks involve but can they deal with the price tag attached? A lot of famous people are famous because they drew attention to themselves (being on every social media platform, putting up their story like its some diary) and they cry they are being misunderstood; the Kardashians are a good example. This is also one of the reason suicide is on the increase. i think if we would be famous, let it be for our work or contribution to society and let our our private lives be private. Ps: how many of us knew when Onyeka Onwenu got married, even till today, so many people don’t know she is married and has kids. there are others like that.

  5. mama ovie

    October 21, 2014 at 10:56 am

    this is slightly off topic
    some one mentioned your name on SDK blog and how a sugar daddy was funding your life style
    lol
    truth be told I was vexed how can my hard working isio wanaogho be paired with those girls that you cannot trace the source of their wealth.
    am not on instagram but I bet with my left but that you don’t go tagging your stuff
    I dey vex

    • Isio Wanogho

      October 21, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      Awwww, Mama Ovie… thanks for the love.
      Number one general rule of the internet… anyone can say anything about anyone especially if they can get away with it.

      xx

    • No Wonder

      October 21, 2014 at 3:33 pm

      Isio na because you feel guilty na im make you answer. You for keep quiet if na lie and laugh out to yourself in private. Since we are talking about being famous and the rest, I will still like to know who bankrolls your life style sha. No kon give us that crap about being a model and stuff. Your modelling days don pass and during your days as a model, the job no dey pay at all. That your entrepreneur title no be am. That is the same title yahoo yahoo boys use to deceive people or even jobless men say it all the time “I am a business man” hehehe.

      Isio, this comment is also your price for being famous!

    • Ahmadu

      October 21, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      And somehow you just proved the point. “Anyone can say anything about anyone via the Internet,” even though you tried to redeem yourself with your last statement. WonderWonder. Please keep wondering and face not your life.

    • Di

      October 23, 2014 at 6:25 pm

      @Isio: Not really, if you have the time and money, you can send your lawyers to drag them to court.
      @No Wonder: Why are you counting someone else’s coins instead of getting busy making your own. All this question just to either duplicate her ways or ease your self-insecurity. All this follow follow mentality for Naija wey dey killl creativity.

  6. Black Coffee

    October 21, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    I’m related to a local celebrity. No shade, just saying its someone who’s known but not a house hold name. The little I’ve seen has made me so anti-fame that when I read that lawyer was engaged to Clooney I was actually afraid for her. The same way people love you for no reason (its not like they know you), is the way they hate you, also for no reason. Our celebrity developed a thick skin and focused on the love but I think I would break down.

  7. Corper Shaun

    October 21, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    First, i think the phrase “i want to be famous” is as vague as it sounds. It lacks clarity, objectiveness and depth, well welcome to the world of phrases you might say. It is saddening to see that as incomplete as this desire is, it is the very song on the lips of many teenagers, young adults included.

    Can you imagine asking a young chap what he/she wants to be (even if i personally feel that question is incomplete as there are a host of things one person can be), but there you are asking about that one thing he/she can’t just imagine going through life without becoming and this chap says “I want to be famous”, i’m sure you would laugh to the chap’s face before explaining to him/her that FAME is something you get for working at that which you do, be it folly (yes, there are those who became famous at this, i’m sorry i have to name names but i used to hear of a guy “gbagaun detector” on twitter who got his fame by making other people feel less of who they are because of speaking prowess, last i checked he is no where to be found, well maybe he’s just rebranding) or the real deal.

    I think people who have it in that order, work hard or smart like we love to say – then get fame, i think these folks are often better suited/equipped to manage it’s many downsides because they are driven by something not known to many. Isio has given thirteen (13) years, though i know the work began way before, in my opinion that’s not a child’s play.

    My advice to folks clamoring for fame is to work at that which they’ve got with all enthusiasm, sense of purpose and direction, it would naturally bring you the desired and that way you don’t easily go down with the tide of fame.

    Also, never equate social media fame to success, some have been at it before these social media came into existence and will keep being around when the rush has died down, because they are not limited by it, they regularly extend their tentacles, they are those who take it beyond, these fine set of people like Isio touch our lives with their golden words weekly, leave indelible marks, and make things work (Was surprised to read here on BN that just in the space of a week after she talked about bad customer servicing by organisations in Nigeria, an iniative which may have been in existence before came alive), that for me is being not just famous but also not without the knowledge as to how it should be managed.

    And yes, i was searching for Adesuwa Onyenekwe on twitter cos i love me some of that woman, while i saw a few mentions of her, i couldn’t get her handle (someone correct me if i’m wrong, please), i was dazed to say the least, yet this is a woman who appears on our screens (i watched her all those years), manages a monthly publication amongst many others, she’s not all over the place, she isn’t in our faces, but she sure is famous….

    Fame is food for the soul but it’s other side could be bitter, and it definitely isn’t a solution/cure to those who feel underappreciated or grew up around insecurities, to prescribe fame as the medicine to these challenges is to call for trouble, BIG trouble.

    #LearnFromTheGurus.

    • tunmi

      October 21, 2014 at 6:09 pm

      what was the customer-service related initiative?

    • Corper Shaun

      October 22, 2014 at 5:00 am

      @Tunmi, she wrote about bad service here…. http://www.bellanaija.com/2014/09/30/isio-knows-better-bad-service/ and about a week later, i stumbled on this article here on being able to report a good or bad service…. http://www.bellanaija.com/2014/10/08/got-bad-or-great-service-in-nigeria-sound-off-on-reportam-com-ng/

      While i’m not laying claims to her article being the trigger for such laudable initiative, my ever scheming mind would like to believe something she said at least brought them down to this platform, as i could notice on her comment section that most folks have had and still do that bad experience with service providers but hardly a figure they can go bear their hearts to.

    • friends

      October 21, 2014 at 6:54 pm

      Copper shaun, I appreciate ur comment, it’s nt condemnatory, judgemental and is very practical. There’s sth I’ve been trying to figure out and u seem to have it together. Can we talk sometimes by email? My email is [email protected]. Really Looking forward to hearing from you. Thank u

    • Corper Shaun

      October 22, 2014 at 7:04 am

      *bare*

  8. Nikky

    October 21, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    And Justin Bieber

  9. papermoon

    October 21, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    profound truth that every aspiring celebrity must read……… that every fan of a celebrity must also read. Sometimes the comments we post under stories about some celebrities can turn them into salt.

  10. Oluwabusola Adedire

    October 21, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    I don’t think anyone should aspire to be famous, but rather seek to make a difference. You can only get lost in fame if you have no purpose for it. Be authentic with yourself and others, do not seek validation and let your efforts speak for you. I am one who admires the founder of Bella Naija. I have only seen a couple of her pictures online, and I can tell she is a person who started this blog with a purpose and not popularity.

  11. Zeal

    October 21, 2014 at 2:03 pm

    Parents who push their children into celebrity lifestyle without taking steps to prepare them for what that life is truly about, should read this excerpt asap. See what my handsome, sweet home alone actor Kelvin turned into, Miley Cyrus, and our very own Michael Jackson. Parents who want their children to be famous should read this joor * strolls away*

  12. Robin Hood

    October 21, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    @Slice…….. the US states have to publicly name the winners of the lottery to ensure transparency and advertise the lottery. By so doing it also helps keep it transparent, retains integrity and discourages abuse. Compare to the various lotteries in Naija where winners are rarely publicized except where they win petty prizes like iPhones, TVs, DVDs, etc………your guess is as good as mine

  13. jennietobbie

    October 21, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    “…The desire for fame has its roots in the experience of neglect, in injury.”

    Truest words ever spoken!
    #lightsout

  14. Grown Woman

    October 21, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    Fame is so overated these days.Everybody and their momma want’s to be famous for nothing.I really admire all the people working hard and achieving this status in the right way…some peole want to be famnouse and yet cannot handle the pressure anywas to each his own #icant’tdie#

  15. Loulou

    October 21, 2014 at 3:07 pm

    Being famous isn’t all that its cut out to be, and most people do not even handle it well. Like Busola said, I think one should seek to make a difference, then even when you beome famous, you would know that its helping to make that difference which you set out for in the beginning. To each his own sha, if you feel being famous is the only way you can be relevant, then nothing anyone does or say to you will make you happy, so i say, just be happy and make impacts in people’s lives, trust God for everything and when fame comes, just enjoy it without it getting into your head.

  16. Ahmadu

    October 21, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    Sending this to my niece asap!

  17. Nne Somebody

    October 21, 2014 at 3:44 pm

    ISIO!!! Don’t think I didn’t catch what you did with this “article” o. Too lazy to write this week, abi or too busy maybe. Anyway, kindly note that whilst the article you so copiously quoted is very relevant and possibly quite insightful, it doesn’t come close to reading the words as they form in your mind and transfer to your keyboard. Haf you hear me? Next time, I want 99.9% Isio at least.

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      October 21, 2014 at 4:10 pm

      I wanted to say the same thing ‘Isio this is not what I came here to read, your vivid depiction of your chats is the best I have ever seen. It makes me feel like I was there as it all occurred. Nne I don’t want to read this kind of over ‘oyibolized’ article next Tuesday. Rest very well this week o, I will be eagerly waiting for next week’s article. Loool! #onelove#

  18. oj

    October 21, 2014 at 6:22 pm

    I’ll rather be rich and unknown than famous. too many kidnappers these days….
    Dear Isio, no try wetin u do today next week o. I want 100% isio article.

  19. pryncedd

    October 21, 2014 at 6:36 pm

    I laughed so hard at. Nne somebody and nwanyi na gaga’s comment so on point. As though. They read my mind. As an avid reader of BN to the extent my collegues nicknamed me bella especially when am looking at my screen n lmao and of course I look forward to isio on tuesdays with much enthusiasm tho I hardly make comments . But I just had to tell isio…… Abeg we love it raw, unrefined and direct from isio’s mind and thoughts as per warri babe wey u be, ##teamisio##

  20. carefulahmadu

    October 21, 2014 at 7:08 pm

    @Ahmadu pls kindly notes dat d article, and even d follow up comments of ppl is talking abt fame wen it is misdirected. Unless this is d case wit ur niece, careful so u dnt jeopardize, by discouraging, wat wud hav been a rather promising life.

  21. ify

    October 23, 2014 at 8:40 am

    I would say, be nice to everyone, stay far away from scandals & people generally stick up for you as much as they can especially on social media.

  22. Dora the explorer

    October 23, 2014 at 5:46 pm

    We need to focus on developing our skills/talents/abilities and affecting lives positively with these gifts, instead of seeking attention, wealth and fame which as we have learnt can be very destructive.. If fame shows up at ur doorstep while at it, by all means embrace it and use it for the good of humanity not to oppress the less positioned persons in our society (this is now the standard obtainable in today’s world) . If it doesn’t keep up the good work still..

  23. cutechic

    October 24, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    @No wonder, now we know you want to be famous …. Your comment shows you are a failure! Go get busy nor.

  24. cutechic

    October 24, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    *jor

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