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Isio Knows Better: The Value of a Phone Call

Isio De-laVega

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Isio-Knows-Better-May-2014-Bellanaija1-562x600I sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, but I do confess that I know better than I did yesterday, last year and a decade ago.

Isio Knows Better is an attempt to capture the shocking and highly entertaining conversation within myself. The conversations between my mind (the sharp witty one), my soul (the lover and the spiritual one) and my body (the playful one concerned with the more mundane things of life). She is the eternal referee between the caustic mind and the sensitive soul. This is Isio. So, here’s to making private conversations public.

Enjoy!

***

These past few days have been gooooooooooooooooooooood! It was the Sallah Holidays and while I lay yanfu-yanfu belly-up in my Pjs on the couch watching Criminal Minds (I swear it is not because I think Shemar Moore with the piercing, twinkly eyes is hot) my phone beeped many times, heralding several incoming instant messages.  I paused the show and picked up the phone.

I mused.

In these glorious days of unlimited data, it would seem that many have become totally dependent on the free messaging platforms that a number of apps give. Apps like BBM, Instagram, Whatsapp, ChatOn, Facebook, Skype, Viber, FaceTime and so on.

What then is the value of a phone call?

It would seem like it is hard for some to make phone calls anymore. It appears that once the monthly value of the needed gigabytes has been paid to the network providers, dazzit! Bye bye phone calls, hello PINGs! In truth, they fall into several fascinating categories- if you think about it.

There are the “K-ers” Never mind that it’s brash, with the “KK’s” and what not.

There are the “abbreviators”. Good AM. Good PM. Hv for have. Sn for Seen. Cs for because. Y for why.

Then there are those who communicate with symbolic letters. Those baroque/elaborate letters that look like ancient Aramaic symbols. Alarming stuff.

Then there are those who don’t really have anything important to say, but seem to derive a juvenile pleasure from bombarding you with IMs. Don’t believe me? Okay. Please judge for yourself.

Please, warrisdis?

HUMAN BEING 1 (11:38pm):

Hi

Hulloooooo!

Sup

PING!!!

PING!!!

PING!!!

PING!!!

PING!!!

PING!!!

PING!!!

PING!!!

YOU: (8:00am)

Hi, saw your messages last night, is everything okay?

HUMAN BEING 1 (8:01am):

Everything is fine, just hailing you.

YOU: (8:02am)

Awwww, thank you.

Now consider HUMAN BEING 2 (02:15pm):

Baby

Boo

Sweetie

Hun

Honey

My honeyboo

Luv

Booboo

Babyboo talk to me nauuuu

(Coming from a non-boo these endearments are quite disquieting. But nothing is worse than next statement… that is- if you are like me…)

Isio Baby…

(OHHHH GODDDDDD! AHAN! WHY, WHY, WHYYY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT?!

Words cannot describe how I absolutely, completely, wholeheartedly DETEST being called Isio-baby… Why? No reason. I just I hate it with the hatred of the Pharaoh that refused to let the Israelites go. (Multiplied by ten billion).

 Shuo!

In the split second that must pass after that oral plague has departed from the speaker’s mouth- a white-hot slice of migraine first hits me between my eyes. For sure I will grit my teeth. And rub my eyes. And just PAUSE. 10 out of 10 times I will ignore a repeat offender. But if it happens to be a first, then I will politely request to be called simply by my name. No baby attached).

Let’s flip the coin and talk about a business communication or enquiry. Why should anyone spend hours typing and staring into their phones when they could just call, get all the information needed in a fraction of the time and get it all over and done with? More information covered in less time.

And what about those who wait until you are online to tell you something REALLY important, especially relating to work? Babe/Oga, you have my number… CALL! Mba o! They would rather wait three months until you change your display picture and then gush about how they were desperately trying to reach you at the time, but na wa for you sha…your BBM messages didn’t deliver!

And then there are the online police, walahi you cannot ignore messages anymore o. They send you a BBM message and per chance you haven’t read it, they immediately go to your Instagram page and type.

“Madam, what’s up? READ YOUR BBM AND REPLY ME NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”

Kai. Calm down biko. No vex. It is my fault for downloading the said app. 

And then there are The Professional Broadcasters. BBM and Whatsapp seem to be their weapon of choice to disturb the peace of their contacts. Buy-this, buy-that, look-at-the-sun-it-is-shining! PHCN-has-not-taken-light-in-24-hours-nawa-o-end-times! Add to that some personal rants, some doomsday predictions and threats if you don’t forward to seven people before midnight. Add that to the many more topics that keep your phone beeping and that will surely deplete your battery. (Thank God for mobile chargers though).

And then there are those who disappear and reappear eons later and try to woo their former boo where they left off, usually using WhatsApp and BBM to rekindle the dead flames. WhatsApp, BBM and Facebook don suffer for yeye behavior hand sha. Again, using free messages to address such issues with someone you claim to care about says a lot about the seriousness with which your apologies would be addressed. I have heard guys complain about a certain girl they once loved and left- who has refused to take them back even after they had apologized. With what? Facebook? After eight months? You never start. Neglect is not an aphrodisiac.

Na wa o. As we advance technologically, it seems our social and communication etiquette is diminishing. We type, type, type and then type some more. Some don’t even know how to carry out a proper conversation with another human being; many others don’t seem to how to act when they are around someone they desire. Most people don’t even know how to behave like evolved beings in public and in private.

Again I ask, what really is the value of a phone call?

Like I told a male classmate who once complained about his girlfriend’s recent bothersome attitude. He felt she was haranguing him about not calling her often enough even though he always reached out to her via BBM and WhatsApp. Plus he almost always picked up her calls anyways. He didn’t understand what she was on about and threw in the “women are so complicated line” a few times.

I simply explained to him that one phone call is equal to twenty messages. It doesn’t matter whether you don’t like to stay for lengthy periods of time on the phone. There is a reason why an SMS is called “Short Messaging Service” and Instant Messages are just that. However you slice it, a call is more personal than a BBM or a WhatsApp message. Best is when you combine and use a bit of this and that to communicate and connect to someone.

That’s the value of a phone call to me.

A girl once confessed to me that she was not only suspicious, but didn’t take seriously any suitor who NEVER called with their credit but always used BBM Voice, Skype, Viber and FaceTime to talk to her. That’s the value she placed on a phone call.

What’s yours?

And a truly terrific Tuesday to you, as always. xx

Isio De-laVega Wanogho is a Nigerian supermodel, a multi-award winning media personality and an interior architect who is a creative-expressionist at her core. She uses words, wit and her paintings to tell stories that entertain, yet convey a deeper meaning. Follow her on Instagram @isiodelavega and visit her website: http://www.idds.pro to see her professional body of work.

99 Comments

  1. Ivy

    October 7, 2014 at 11:59 am

    Oh! Been there o! The toasters that don’t want to get it. Eg. Kinda dated this guy in school, found out he was lying to me by saying it was his uncle’s jeep he was driving when it was his, this is someone that i did not ask for money o! When i confronted him, he said he was testing me (he did not know i dated him out of boredom…sue me). Broke up with him 3yrs ago and he hasn’t let go, he will be using all them baby, swty, my wife (ewww!). Had to ask him if he thought i was a goat, you say you want me back yet you cannot call me instead when i put up fine picture he will renew his toasting subscription. Mtschew!!!!!!! Abegi!
    I sha do not dig this bbm keeping in touch o! Mba. When le boo used to do that, i warned him seriously, why would you say we chatted when i ask why you did not check on me? Men don’t understand that its the little things that matter…..

    • vortex

      October 7, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      Hahaha…The picture thing is so true. If one puts up a good picture then some people start catching feelings, reminiscing about good times and exploring why it never worked out, wanting to have heart-to-heart discussions, know how one’s faring etc. That’s when a random status update like “tired” will have the fake toasters or friends turning into doctors or pastors on your behalf.

    • feggy

      October 9, 2014 at 10:57 am

      I can relate to this!!!! You just nailed it!!!!!!!!!!!

    • PurpleiciousBabe

      October 12, 2014 at 10:54 pm

      lol…..
      Funny enough I have resorted to whatsapp and text messages.
      There was once a time in my life that I loved calling people and talking on the phone but not anymore.
      I find it a chore when my phone rings particularly talking for too long.
      Get straight to the point. Although, once I start talking, I am immediately into it but find it a chore to ring so if I ring you, best know you are worth my time and effort lol.
      In the context of a relationship, over the phone communication/face-to-face is certainly most important., whatsapp/bbm is jara and additional way to spice things up. I love em icons.

    • yeancah

      October 7, 2014 at 5:54 pm

      Lmao @ toasting subscriotion

  2. Suwa

    October 7, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    Gosh! I love Isio more and more everytime I read her posts! spot on! I feel like shes my friend and we gist…lol! I broke up with my boy friend in June because everything was watsap… I had complained a million times and it seemed I was just a fighter, infact thats what he called me. I was in America for 3 months at the beginning of the year and he didnt dial my number up to 10 times but he watsaped every day! I was disgusted to say the least! Done and Dusted

  3. lanya

    October 7, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    true that. The most irksome is using whatsapp to woo a sister… C’mon man.

  4. Ayaba

    October 7, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    Some pple never ask u how u doing all they do is forward to u those long msgs wth threats at the end.
    How I hate all those msgs!!! mcheeww!!
    I use all these free messaging apps when it is an unserious matter,you know gisting and all but if i need you urgently, i just make the call, i don ‘t even have the patience to wait.
    Well i guess the pple i have in ma life know the value of calls, cos when it is a serious thing that they need me for, they call.

    • Mrs SS

      October 7, 2014 at 1:34 pm

      I really hate the forwarded messages with my last nerves !! Forward in so and so minutes nonsense

    • Tru

      October 7, 2014 at 3:40 pm

      O)h forwarded messages – the bane of forwarded messages!!! As in!!!! Some folks make it their life-mission to inform the evil things that have (not) happened – A certain celebrity just dies in a ghastly accident, a certain marriage has crashed, 10 people drowned in last night’s rain, jeez!!!! I have actually deleted such folks, Good riddance

    • Tru

      October 7, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      *died

  5. Open Sesame

    October 7, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    Couldn’t agree more.

    I’m normally invisible on Skype. The moment I change my status to online, the messages start to flood in ~ ‘Oh! I missed you’; ‘Where have you been…blah blah blah’

    If a green status on Skype was what you needed to remember you missed me…na wa for your kin missing o!

    In fact as I was reading this I went and deleted a guy’s whatsapp messages that I’d normally reply to. If you want a girl and all you do is whatsapp…you’re unserious. I can’t bond with you over IMs.

    Rant over 🙂

  6. Eebony

    October 7, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    Isio has been there,the way fake boo’s keep stalking on all these platforms becos of a particular guy,i deleted whatsapp and had a lil rest

    • Dinma

      October 7, 2014 at 3:29 pm

      you shuda simply blocked him…lol…i block dem every day

  7. Gbemmy

    October 7, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    You didn’t talk about the happy new month … happy new week .. Happy everything’s msgs types

    • amara

      October 8, 2014 at 7:40 am

      The ‘happy new month’ one ehn…. e tire me

  8. Grown Woman

    October 7, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    Isio lovely article.I usually delete all those silly fowards of something happening to you within certain days mxiiiuu ..
    And phone issues, im currently in that situation with my bf.The Nigga lol has refused to be calling we do all the watsapp n all that ..his excuse being he does not like to talk on the phone huh serioulsy??as in upto this day i do not understand why he can’t try to change this behaviour.Im just tired of even discussing this with him so have decided to let him be abeg life is too short.

  9. syb

    October 7, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    I totally agree with you on this. A phone call definitely has more value than sms, whatsapp, viber and the likes. There are instances where it is acceptable to use these ‘free messaging platforms’ to communicate but that doesn’t mean it should completely replace phone calls.

  10. D

    October 7, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    I have to say I never thought of phone calls that way, but after reading this. I can see in even myself that a phone call really does go a long way. I rarely call people I don’t care about and that includes picking up your calls. I would rather send a SMS. BBM, Whatsapp message or even Facebook, apologizing for “missing your call” than have a full blown conversation with you but for the people I care about I will rather talk to you, face to face would be my first choice then if that’s not feasible then over the phone. Like I tell my brother, I want to know how you are doing really not just the “I am fine” surface deal. Do I think I will change? nope!!! because this article just made it even more ok to do just that.(The value of my phone call).

  11. iyke

    October 7, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    Am not a phone person. I think it’s very intrusive and also feels very chit-chatty. And I get bored with chit-chats. I rarely call, but when I do, I am usually direct and short….it will end shortly within 5/10 seconds max.
    I prefer a face to face deep, real and stimulating conversation. It doesn’t matter if it’s via skype. I like to see the person that am having a conversation with, your expressions and any non-verbal cues are what is really the essence of my communication with you.

  12. lanya

    October 7, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    by the way isio, i love ur articles, feels lyk we’re kindred spirit

  13. lanya

    October 7, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    by the way isio, i love ur articles… Feels lyk we’re kindred spirit

  14. Que

    October 7, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    The value of a call to me is this: I have limited social media accessibility, just watsapp n fb… and its only 1 of my nos on watsapp (mostly used by my customers)..fewer people have that no. You also cant search and find me on fb….So again, as far as those two go, I’ve cut out most of the nuisance… I left bb over a yr ago and have NEVER missed it!.
    The few people who tried to hound me on watsapp, I have blocked off…. I do not have the patience or grace to endure sms/IM/socialmedia hounding on top of real life wahala…. so I dont pretend to put up wit it for the most part.

    Once an acquaintance tried the constant texting route like text chatting thru d day, after indulging him with bout 5texts that day, he started d next day, and I kindly told him ‘typing is not my calling’…. if I wanted typist work, I woulda gone to secretarial school!…… Another friend tried doing d ‘guess who’ game with me on watsapp…. after I asked nicely and told the strange number that I didnt do games he tot I was joking till his messages stopped delivering, I had blocked him… he rang me up sharply saying I was harsh….. I told him I’d rather be harsh than insane! We’re still friends, n he understands that I dont seat round my devices looking for people’s messages…. I can ignore for Africa!

    Naturally most people who want to hear from me are forced to call or visit or wait till we jam outside… When I miss anyone, i dig up their nos and give them a ring…..sitting down for a good chat (phone or face to face) helps me relax….I love my sanity and exercise the right to preserve it from technological invasion! #mypeaceisreal!

    • Busarni

      October 7, 2014 at 4:08 pm

      @Que; Big ehugs for you

    • G

      October 7, 2014 at 11:44 pm

      toi tu est un #…. true I had to evaluate myself on the essence of social network
      communication is good but not to b abused….
      love the following extract below…
      The value of a call to me is this: I have limited social media accessibility,
      -I’ve cut out most of the nuisance…
      -and have NEVER missed it!.
      – so I dont pretend to put up wit it for the most part.
      -‘typing is not my calling’…. if I wanted typist work, I woulda gone to secretarial school!……
      – I told him I’d rather be harsh than insane! he understands that I dont seat round my devices looking for people’s messages…. I can ignore for Africa!
      – or wait till we jam outside….I love my sanity and exercise the right to preserve it from technological invasion! #mypeaceisreal!

    • Miss Mo

      October 8, 2014 at 2:37 am

      I like you jare.

      When I learnt to ignore and stop being so responsive, I started to feel a lot more sane with peace of mind.

  15. Glowing

    October 7, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    Its about time this topic was discussed Isio…You’re so on point! I agree with you Iyke. It seems to be outdated these days , speaking to people in person, that is. Anyways, its my sincere opinion that going an “Extra Mile” is most important. Biko, Call Me!!! Stop saying you have been trying to get across on the social media and then you accuse me! … “You abandoned me abi?! You never reply my messages!…and a host of junk stuff! I call it sifting the Chaff from the Wheat. You get to know who genuinely cares when they call to check up on you. At least, Once in a short while is fine. What if there’s an Impersonator using your “Beloved” or “Family Member’s” I.D.? If you give Lame excuses,you’ll need Crutches soon. That’s especially for those who have not seen you in a while. What if the phone is not longer in use and I had to make a purchase?
    I couldn’t say less. That’s the reason some of us go under cover, no longer updating status as such. At least for a while… Its becoming so unreal. There’s no need to put my life on Public display in order to get your Attention. I Know those who are mine. Every other commenter after updates is a Counterfeit 🙂 Nice One Isio. I rest my case. 🙂

  16. Noksis

    October 7, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    I hate the way people have used all those chat applications to replace phone calls. Imagine someone beefing me for not calling to commiserate with him when his father died. And i was like, “i not aware”. Him.”I put it one facebook now”. I am like, i dont live on facebook. I value phone call and i call those i value. Toasting me on BBM or whatsapp is an automatic NO from me. On the bright side leBoo makes sure he calls no matter how many times we chat.

    • Noksis

      October 7, 2014 at 1:45 pm

      AND the one i hate are those broadcasts.

  17. www.thelmathinks.blogspot.com

    October 7, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    “In the split second that must pass after that oral plague has departed from the speaker’s mouth- a white-hot slice of migraine first hits me between my eyes. For sure I will grit my teeth. And rub my eyes”. Haha, it’s never that serious naaaaa.
    LOL @ neglect is not an aphrodisiac. Hahaha. It is for some people though…
    I cannot relate to this post right now, neither on BBM or Whatsapp at the moment. I’m suddenly reminded how good it feels to actually talk. Plus, when you get off all them chatting platforms it’s then you’ll know the people you really matter to.

    • Ms Geeky 30

      October 7, 2014 at 5:43 pm

      It is that serious oh @thelma, One of my pet peeves is the constant use of ‘deary’, ‘dear’, ‘chic’, ‘babes’ by random aquaintances… Asssss in, please use my name. My parents gave it to me for that very reason. Lol
      I cannot explain the intense feeling of nausea and irritation that comes over me when those terms are added to my name or when my very nice name is dropped altogether and replaced with a very fake term of endearment. Taking the opportunity to inform all fake endearment users, please stop! For the sake of my sanity. Lol

  18. Abby

    October 7, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    Isio ur article is so on-point. I think a guy is just being a nuisance if he keeps sending whatsapp or BBM msgs everytime. People usually misuse anything free. If you want to talk you should call.. And don’t get me started on those ridiculous broadcasts., very annoying.

    • abby

      October 12, 2014 at 1:38 am

      Hello namesake…isio let’s be best friends, I cherish phone calls a lot

  19. kuuks

    October 7, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    Isio, u are on point – always
    Most of friends have stopped calling me these days.. They rather send msgs and boy do I hate ims.
    I get a lot of complains from friends about this attitude of mine. But seriously speaking I refuse to tolerate any toaster or toaster who prefer to send ims instead of just calling and I’m a very lazy typist. I just find it too much work typing.
    And as for those threatening msgs, I don’t even bother reading not to talk about forwarding it.

    I only reply msgs that I deem important and the rest at my own convenience. In fact I am invisible on most of the social platforms so no one can disturb me. Due to this, most of friends are not surprised when it takes me 24hrs to reply their msgs. I even have a nickname…lol

    Those that annoy me the most are those who just txt me but literally have nothing to talk about. Or wait for updates or new dps (nice ones) to holla at u.

    Na Wa oo…I jux can’t be bothered.

  20. Just me

    October 7, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    Hahahha. ..so funny. Even my mother has resulted to texting than calling her daughter to come pick her up, it’s the changing of the times. I text but when it’s really important I call. With long distance relationship, I simply appreciate any medium of communication as long as we stay connected. I know how to ignore messages that won’t take me anywhere, I just ignore and keep moving. My time is precious, ain’t no one got time for foolishness.
    Good article though, well done

    • slice

      October 7, 2014 at 5:33 pm

      i agree with you on this. i’m a go with the flow kind of person. if u prefer texting, that’s fine. calls i can do those. in person, that works too. just stay in touch somehow. if you need help, call, email, text, show up at my front door, whatever, just don’t be out there alone is this full world that can sometimes feel empty to some.
      it’s not that hard to figure out the time wasters …for those, i prefer that they text cause talking on the phone about nothing actually takes way more energy than a few silly text msgs now and then

  21. Okaro

    October 7, 2014 at 2:43 pm

    Hehehehe………..Isio BAAAAAABY.
    And i’d call you that again.
    Post on point.
    For me,anyone could just send me a Facebook and/or Whatsapp message,…..but when someone really spends their time&money to call me often or close to often,i truly feel IMPORTANT and VALUED.

  22. seriouslyjoking

    October 7, 2014 at 2:47 pm

    This is so on point. Some guys dont get the fact that a call no matter how short is better than an epistle of messages. The fact that a person has actually called makes a huge difference and its actually heartwarming. Must confess I have ruled out lots of guys and even deleted some completely out of my life when they insisted on making facebook, BBM and watsapp the communication medium.
    Infact, taking the argument further, i would say calls are better cos you can only talk to one person at a time but you can chat with thousand other people at the same time. Am a bit selfish when it comes to giving me my time.

  23. akinwumi

    October 7, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    Me am vexing oo. There was this girl I use to date back then I use to call her everyday exactly 10pm, you won’t believe me “for a whole our relationship lasted she never bother to call back” and she always profess to me how much she love me imagine!! Well now I’m well to do I don’t need to waste my time call one lady around when I have so much trailing in my hand. Isio I can’t call you oo, I’ll rather use the money for data plan.

    • slice

      October 7, 2014 at 5:35 pm

      picking up the call is love nah. it’s when we don’t answer that you know we are not interested. as long as she answers, keep on calling 🙂

    • Jhaye

      October 7, 2014 at 7:17 pm

      Why were you calling her at only 10pm? Did your phone not work at any other time of the day? Not to accuse you or anything but most guys I know who call at specific times of the day call at that time simply because the main woman is not around at that time and her absence enables them to get their game on with some ladies. Or was it thhe reduced tariff rate that caused the issue. Did you ever try calling her outside of your self imposed time? Maybe she would have surprised you……………just saying!!

    • Easy n Gentle

      October 8, 2014 at 4:09 pm

      Women and conspiracy theories ☺️

  24. akinwumi

    October 7, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    *year

  25. Chinma Eke

    October 7, 2014 at 3:27 pm

    Isio!!!! Right on target, sharing this article for all the affected people to read and learn(if only!).

  26. Bliss

    October 7, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    I think I’m on the line btw calls, messages,and emails. I will take an email, text, or whatsapp 8/10 times over a call. Yes, I reply emails faster than I return calls. Ahahahahahah maybe I’m just old fashioned. But honestly, I’m not a very vocal person. Nothing tires me like talking. Talking on the phone for 10mins? Oh dear!! What we talking bout joooor??. Abeg text me. I’ll reply. Ohh And keep it brief. Lol

    • Doubra

      October 7, 2014 at 4:34 pm

      Me too. Calls are for just very important people. Maybe because I am a virtual assistant and am more at home with bbm, WhatsApp, Facebook or Twitter. If it’s very important and I can’t reach you I use the phone. Emphasis on important like I am chasing money matters. I guess in relationships though voice calls is more important than all the above.

  27. mz willz

    October 7, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    As for me, i have taken a long break from social network of any kind and am breathing refined air(not just fresh air) because the wahala too plenty mbok and i have other things to do with my life and time. Recently deactivated my facebook account and i dnt miss 1 bit. If and when any1 miss me,they will call and Lord knows am not that selfish with phone calls but i have just learnt to channel them to people that are really worth it..

  28. Adah

    October 7, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    I don”t want to dwell on IMs . it is totally disgusting especially when it is not important.
    one dude i served with told me that God will bring me down because i ignore people”s messages, i just laughed because i know God knows how much i hate IM’s.

  29. Simsi

    October 7, 2014 at 5:39 pm

    I’m okay with chatting with people, but I prefer talking on the phone with people that matter. Most times we write “lol” when we are not even laughing but its a different thing when you’re hearing the person’s voice and you know the person is actually laughing. My relationship with my bf has gone downhill since he joined bbm. He doesn’t call again. I’ve been fighting with him over this cos its really affected communication. I’ve been the one calling to save the relationship. I’m tired of trying tho. Its a matter of time before we break because I don’t see the essence of being in a relationship when you’re not communicating. So I’m all for balancing the 2 of them. IMs at times, phone calls most times.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      October 7, 2014 at 9:03 pm

      Can I send you an e=hug?
      Break ups, no matter how much in our best interests they are, always hurt. You cant clap with one hand.

  30. BlueEyed

    October 7, 2014 at 6:58 pm

    I usually don’t take social media and instant messaging too serious, so if it’s really important and the individual cares about me, they’d call and they actually do, I guess they all know the kinda person I am.

  31. Jhaye

    October 7, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    Men simply don’t seem to get it these days that many of us women want to not only hear their voices but spend time with them one on one. I just broke up a relationship of which I had basically exited two months earlier but which he just noticed that there was a problem 2 months lafter. I got tired of being neglected. Phone calls at only 12 noon and 6pm. I remember working late till like 10pm and told him I was still in the office believe you me this guy didn’t call to check on me that I got home safely and just laughed over it with a gba bee bee apology. If something was stressing me and I called him I was rushed off the phone like my call was an inconvenience. And his idea of calling for a meaningful conversation was the few minutes he spared after the half time sports analysis and right before the teams returned to the field. Usually btw 2 to 3 mins in a day!!! No gestures of any sort to show I was on his mind. I evaluated the situation and asked if I could live like this for another 40 years without committing murder and when the answer came up NO a tsunami occurred and swept him away!!! Yet I am the one dem dey call bitch…………….see me see wahala!!! What have mothers raised o? Please women train your sons well chivalry, commonsense, responsibility & being hardworking are key o!!!

    • Hadassah

      October 8, 2014 at 9:16 am

      I like something you said… “I asked myself if I can live with this for the next 40years”… re-emphasizes the point “thou shall be true to yaself”.. I know what I can and cant handle
      Yes, There is room to try harder, for common ground and negotiation in a relationship… but there are some things I cant even deal with.
      Let me kukuma save myself from future palava ni by taking action now.
      P.S: am sorry for diverting…. *kisses y’all*

  32. Bee Boy

    October 7, 2014 at 7:50 pm

    Wen it comes to social networking, i can only bother myself with facebook, just because i’m to lazy to set up different passwords for instagram, twitter and the rest. As for instant messaging i love them like mad and i found out that people usually say things on IM that they would not say wen u give them a call, mostly as a result of shyness. Wen u r in a long distance relationship u will appreciate IM more (talking from experience). I noticed that it is mostly the ladies that are complaining abt guys not callin them. Ladies that love receiving phone calls and don’t know how to make phone calls, God is watching all of u oh.

  33. Chinagorom Martin

    Chinagorom Martin

    October 7, 2014 at 8:00 pm

    Said it like it is.

  34. koseyan

    October 7, 2014 at 8:02 pm

    How can we forget the ANNOYING social media monitoring spirits?
    Ehn,but ur “last seen” on watsapp was xyz,your have read d msgs on BBM,I can see u online on FB …why aren’t you replying me?Abeg if you think I am ignoring u,I am….free me!!!

  35. Okaro

    October 7, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    Me too,just deactivated my Facebook account,and i dont think i’d go back to it anytime soon.Personally,i do not think life on social media is so real.
    “Iviole”I cant cope with incessant disturbance from whatsapp et al.
    I’d live the real life.

  36. Reality

    October 7, 2014 at 8:42 pm

    Having read a few comments, I would love to say the following;

    communication is a two way thing. If you break up with a serious guy because he doesn’t call but do messaging, you are strictly on your own.

    many of you don’t call at all or even bother sending a message no matter how small. if you don’t call your partner, why do you expect to be called? many haven’t understood how these things work. how many times do you call your partner in a day? once in a week right?

    there is so much high expectations from the other partner when in reality you are not sowing nada into the relationship.

    One, many are used to the messaging thingy and it’s their own way of expression and keeping in touch with you 24/7. If you are different and of a divergent opinion, you talk it out and not just assume. different background, culture and exposures- you can’t expect him to automatically align with what you want, it takes time to blend. Get this, not about what you want or what the women want (that is selfishness), it is about you both and you have to talk it out.

    Two, if you talk in the morning and evening, what’s bad in catching up all day with messaging? gets the two hearts closer than you can ever imagine.

    Three, cost effectiveness! if I can call you on bbmvoice or Skype….is that bad? do you know if your partner has unit at the moment? Even if he has, must all be spent on you daily? a good lady builds the home and her mans life n resources, not deplete it. As a matter of fact, ladies are the worst in calling, even when the guy sends them the units. Your worth is not measured by phone calls.

    Four, Take it or leave it, for every Queen vashti, there is an Esther waiting to replace her. No matter how beautiful or handsome you are, there is a replacement for every guy and Lady. There are serious contenders. All the guys you kept blocking and deleting, other serious babes married them, changed them to better men and now have kids fully grown enough to call you by name or aunty.

    No one is perfect, not a man, not yourself. Stopexpecting too much from a man. Every married lady knows by now that their men can’t be all in all to them/fully meet their expectations. You’ve got to be real and face life squarely. Most of these things you have at the back of your mind either exist in telemundo, wonderland or space.

    Life is for the matured not kids
    Life is for go getters
    Life is for the violent who will take it by force

    Life celebrates the successful not those with excuses

    All these truth written with love
     
    (wasn’t so easy typing on the phone- sorry for the typos.

    • gojeth

      October 7, 2014 at 9:20 pm

      hi reality…. i agree with most of your point… but A man is the one coming for you… so he must be the one CALLING you… am sorry its not ok for him to sit down and not make CONCRETE move on the lady… you just said life is for go getter.. then it also applies to relationship… if you want her then go get her!!!!… you talking him about replacing queens,, its the same for the ladies.. if the guy is acting slow, then a Boaz will come and replace him… However, if the man has done ALL but nothing is showing forth, then i understand..
      so Oga wants the lady to be the one chasing him abi?? sorry… i am not saying the lady shouldn’t return calls or take of him, but he must show GREAT effort first… if we are already married or in a committed relationship then i can do the whole “communication is a two way thing”thats my own Opinion sha…

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 7, 2014 at 10:43 pm

      Thou art, indeed, on point. For every slow contender, there’s a Boaz to replace him.

  37. gojeth

    October 7, 2014 at 9:11 pm

    LOL.. guys chatting with me on whats app ALL the time and then thinks we are in relationship.. dude please pick up the phone and CALL… i only use whats app for people living in different countries.. we can’t be in the same country and you can’t call… oh well i shunned someone who only whats to text and not call… don’t have time for slow motion guys.. nicely written article.. people are so lazy these days, friends cannot even call each other again… na wa.

  38. Mz Socially Awkward...

    October 7, 2014 at 9:21 pm

    Isio (I won’t give in to temptation by adding the detested “baybee”… except, I maybe already did 🙂 ), I actually love using social media messaging platforms – particularly WhatsApp and iMessages – because they expand the flexibility with which I can keep constant contact with my friends.

    I’m always on the move. Always. If I’m rushing through airport terminals or sitting in a quiet coach of a train or whatever, it’s easier to type out quick comms without having to juggle baggage to hold the phone to my ear, waiting for the line to connect or giving away my gist to everyone else in the immediate vicinity. And they’re not always available themselves, due to this busy world we live in.

    So we have our hilarious (& fantastic random) conversations by chatting more often than by voice calls, especially via our constantly active group messages. Just some kain let-me-just-rant-&-share-what’s-going-on-with-me-right-now because we just have that instant ability to. And even the serious things that we need multiple perspectives on.

    Letters were once a well used form of staying in touch with loved ones and I think that when social media is used properly, it can perform a similar function. And that’s not because I don’t make calls at all; that has its own place but there’s also something nice about having all these other various mediums to reach out to your “personal pipu”.

  39. Flames

    October 7, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    I insist on calls 4rm le boo even though we chat sometimes, dat 1 is a must. I’m personally nt much of a caller cos I dnt usually knw wat 2 say unless I’m calling 4 a specific reason. I’m nt much of a chatter either

    N I agree wit Isio, I absolutely detest guys who ask me out on social network, wtf. And some even have d guts 2 vex wen u dnt take dem serz or wen u say no. 1 guy who has called me twice came and proposed 2 me on BBM, I didn’t knw whether 2 get angry or laff @ him. I jst gave him 20 BBM ROFL smileys n told him 2 get serz and he had d audacity 2 vex 4 me 😐

  40. Okaro

    October 7, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    “Uzeme”….I agree wit u Mz SA,…but at least they should not replace calls.
    To each his own anyway.

    • Noms

      October 8, 2014 at 10:18 am

      “Awisoko”, eve?

  41. nammy

    October 7, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    Love chatting, d smileys mk it come alive nd I can gossip nd gist at little cost, but if I hav an important msg to pass I’ll do it via phone calls. Am very careful with Social media, don’t chat with strangers nd stuff like that cos it has its dangers, can boast of personally knowing 95% of my Facebook frnds tho am not close to all of them, I decided to tk down my birthday from fb nd d “HBD” disappeared. It feels good to receive a call from a frnd on my birthday who actually remembered it and not just saw it on fb. Its also annoying to exchange nos with Someone nd d First form of communication is an IM msg. That been said, I belive IM’s nd calls both hav their places in relationships whatsoever nd we should learn to strike a balance between them.

  42. Aijay...

    October 7, 2014 at 10:26 pm

    This reminds me of a wanna be toaster that I did not even like (but had to be civil with him because he is a Client). After saying hi and all he now asked for my bb pin and i said i didn’t have one. He wore a sad face asking how he was going to keep in touch with me. I just gave him a blank look and was glad i didn’t have bblackberry. This was before the app became available.

  43. Okaro

    October 7, 2014 at 11:20 pm

    “uzeme di”…….Facebook birthdays with the “HBD” thing though.
    I detest it more than Isio detests “baaaby”

  44. Ray

    October 7, 2014 at 11:24 pm

    Lovely and true.
    raypex.wordpress.com

  45. Okaro

    October 7, 2014 at 11:26 pm

    “uzeme di”…….Facebook birthdays with the “HBD” thing though.
    I detest it more than Isio detests “baaaby”.

  46. www.phatymah.blogspot.com

    October 7, 2014 at 11:44 pm

    Thank God for this topic. Ah! I can’t stand the broadcasts. They kill my bat3 three times faster.

    The most annoying is when you meet some peeps and the next thing is they ask for BB pin. Haba! Don’t I have a number? Why not ask for my number. When I hear such question I just conclude this person isn’t serious. People should learn to ask for numbers and call. I have a friend with over 500 bbm contacts and I bet you he has no idea what their numbers are.

    I value phone calls. A happy birthday message on my facebook/whatsapp can never have the same effect with phone calls especially when it is coming from people that have your number.

    The worse of it is that when you don’t subsribe or away for long, no one calls. The change of PM or DP trigers your existence to them.

    At the end of the day, I feel it shows who really cares only if you aren’t a phone call person!

  47. Muna

    October 8, 2014 at 12:10 am

    I think that calling/talking to ur spouse/would-be-spouse is really non-negotiable. all these others can be used sparingly in between. an ex-colleague asked for my bb pin recently and I replied that I don’t have one, its easier to say now than 2, 3 yrs ago. then it was like ‘aru’ for me not to have bb. I had to cure my husband of that bb addiction. I told him it just sucks him and he gets lost, and asked how many of those people added any real value to his life. I guess he really thought about it bcos now its at a minimum. but there are other ‘addictions’ and ‘addiction enhancers’, with the onset of android phones, ipads, new games etc. I like me my privacy o, don’t call so much except my family and do even less of social media. but the one that really drives i me crazy is the use of abbreviations/acronyms! I still don’t know what many of them mean, some I have to google to find out what they mean!

  48. Miss

    October 8, 2014 at 6:44 am

    I value phone calls and SMS more that WhatsApps, DM’s IM’s and BBM’s. If you say you are my friend and send me a birthday message via WhatsApp/Fb/DM/BBM then our friendship is non-existence.
    Isio, You forgot people who call with free minutes and then they will want to talk for hours forgetting that you also have a life.

  49. patsy

    October 8, 2014 at 8:39 am

    Isio tanks once again for dis article! U know what’s up! De worst of diz are de forwarded long whatsapp msgs asking u to send to 7,10,12 etc pple to get all sorts of goodies,e de vex me like craze.sometyms I warn doz who send me tins like dat or block dem if repeated.wat happened to phone calls? Hearing de voice of ur loved ones! We even have CUG lines/sims in our family to talk as much as we want wit each oda at low cost paid monthly bcos social networking wants to replace everytin. And de guys dat chat u up weneva a profile pix is updated,blaming u for abandoning dem on social network?,asking u out on whatsapp or facebook,proposing marriage to u on facebook wen really u guys have not spoken on phone for months,abeg I tire for guys.de understanding I have of de whole tin is dat some of dem have real girlfriend,and oda girlfriends on social networking so weneva he’s free from de real babe,he wil rememba de online ones.for me CALLS matter de most!

    • Ada Nnewi

      October 8, 2014 at 10:12 am

      A real-life victim of short code English… 🙁

  50. miss max

    October 8, 2014 at 8:46 am

    Isio, just about time for this topic. From the comments, it seems guys are pressumed to be the worst offenders but are they? we are all guilty because we take the place of one and give to the other. IM and SMS were invented for the reason that when you cannot make or take a phone call it comes in handy. But as it is, we abuse everything and turn around to accuse. My problem actually with this whole technology stuff is that it is Killing our lingual franca; a situation where a secondary school student cannot speak and write good English but can “lol, omg, lwkmh. hbd, llnp, lmao,ttyl etc, it is disheartening. Sometimes, i wish i was born in the era of my parents.

  51. VICTORIOUS

    October 8, 2014 at 9:17 am

    @Isio, I couldn’t agree more with you on this write up. It pains me to hell and back when someone flashes, sends that ‘please call me. I love you’ sms or hurriedly says ‘i don’t have credit. Please call me.,’then drops the call. I have learnt not to be stampeded into returning such ‘calls’. If it is that important to the caller, for God’s sake, load N50 credit (borrow from MTN, Glo or Airtel) and call me.
    It is my prerogative whether or not I opt to follow up on the call.
    Enough said.

    africanstorytellers.blogspot.com

  52. sussy

    October 8, 2014 at 10:02 am

    There are some people that you don’t expect to call you but. Why will you call regularly wen you are asking a. Girl out and reduce it to like twice a week when she says yes??

  53. tbaby

    October 8, 2014 at 10:23 am

    I agree with you Isio!
    I absolutely detest those that PING a zillion times and say it’s urgent! Helloooo, if you need a kidney call me, if I don’t pick send a text message! Don’t be pinging me and saying it’s urgent.
    I absolutely detest those that say “you didn’t wish me happy tradversary”. Say what?! why is that even a thing and who cares if I saw your BBM update or not, did you marry me?
    The worst on whatsapp for me are the vendors (cab guy, delivery guy, chicken republic) that say “hi”. hi that what na?!
    People should learn to really live. Thank God for block and mute buttons.
    #mypeaceisforreal

  54. FEEE

    October 8, 2014 at 10:37 am

    Hmmmm,i just love the article,all the comments made me smile. A big thanks to BN for setting this platform and bella Nigerians for making me laugh and smile.

  55. Noms

    October 8, 2014 at 10:58 am

    Phone calls and IM are both valuable and should have their place.
    My friends (pals) are not all in one city/country, so we have a group on BBM where we chat + yab each other and keep in touch.
    My mum, send pics to me through Whatsapp and we talk on phone everyday.
    Toasters on chat forums. . . choi, that’s where the guys will be typing what they can’t utter. There is this one now, every morning is -Good Morning Princess. I have told him to stop addressing me with all the pet names in the world because I know they can’t come from his mouth.
    Then there is the toaster who says he doesn’t like my dp and commands me to take it down or change it- see me see trouble. . .
    Phone calls to/from loved ones really makes me feel special and I always get the feeling that I have your attention to myself alone as long as the call lasts.
    Annoying phone calls are not on this list ooooo. No need for examples.
    Basically, people should know when to draw the line.
    There are some people that are just SMS/BBM friends and you don’t even want to hiaaaaa their voice and those ones will want to call non-stop then the ones who are supposed to call, will be pinging.
    The Irony of Life.
    I try to express myself on what I accept and try not to be rude about it and I also give/do to the other what I expect them to do to me.
    Then, if the message is still not understood, any thing you see, no vex, take am like that.
    Well done, Oniovo!

  56. aduke

    October 8, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    I get very upbeat when a guy just like isio said wouldn’t keep in touch for donkey years then gets to WHATSAPP and starts vomiting all the love and affection !!!!!! common, what happened to you ringing up and professing that love via voice calls…… infact ehh, some of these free apps should be banned lol ” abeg make the oshofree masters dem no kee me o “….

  57. Blue

    October 8, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    Very nice article……. and the comments are hilarious! cant stop laughing……Very true though.

  58. benita

    October 8, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    der is d idiot dat kept on disturbin me on watsapp everday sup sup no reply sup sup no reply i tried blocking him to no avail i just deleted my watsapp abeg i no like disturbance i prefer calls abeg typing na childish callling is matured

  59. benita

    October 8, 2014 at 1:06 pm

    even le boo ask me to delete my watsapp nd bbm which i did ooo

  60. addie

    October 8, 2014 at 3:50 pm

    I agree with the girl. I once shunned a real estate agent who was trying to schedule a meeting with me over text. I found it distasteful and unprofessional. I would call someone to get quick info from them, but I like to text sometimes if i’m asking for info which needs to be referred to at a later time. Depending on who i’m communicating with, I might choose to call or text. But if I need info fast, then I call.
    coilsandglory.com

  61. chu

    October 8, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    For me on the contrary, I love to send messages, even before the onset of social media platforms, I always preferred sms. I’m more expressive in writing and that’s the way I’ll always be. My best friend is horrible with chats and might not reply a chat for days, at first I was mad but later understood that it was her behaviour just as mine was to chat.
    le boo loves chatting so while I’m at work we chat all day. He always teases me that I get all my brain waves while at work and not when we are together at home..
    Recently I don’t chat with as many people as before, its mostly restricted to hubby now, he seems to be taking up ALL of my time, need to rectify that and diversify o.

  62. Queen Spicey

    October 9, 2014 at 10:08 am

    And this is the reason why I’ve refused to get another smart phone. This nokia torch-light has narrowed down the fake people from those that really matter, and I sorry for the ones waiting for me to come back on BBM (hate Whatsapp) before we talk, they go wait tire and never make the contact list.

  63. honeyposh

    October 9, 2014 at 12:28 pm

    use to have ds male frend on bb den,lawd ve mercy…..always on abt meeting loadin>>> birthday loading>>>dinner loading>>>>> elegushi things,sheraton things,pizza things,adt to tink he updated every 2 secs not exaggerating o,The day i told him to pls keep it together,he took it very personal, and guess wat, the next update was abt me….. shuo
    Then a lady frend of mine that can ping 4 Africa, imagine waking up to 30 pings,yes cos i counted in my surprised state of shock,lol. i just sent her one, babes how far,am i with your kidney??????

  64. memebaby

    October 9, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    i dont like texting,. those that matter also know that. I dont reply messages…if you need to get to me urgently then you better dial my number. been talking to 2 nice guys..27 and 29 yrs old. but it hurts that all they want to do is freaking text! thank God for Imessage, I could converse with them on my laptop and that’s it. told them both that if they want to talk, they should call or facetime me. I don’t have time to drag a conversation or flirting session. just call and lets get it over with.

    My friend was in front of my door and texting me to come open! imagine!! she could not call me “aunty come open your door i’m here” she rather text. home girl stayed outside till she called me. it is that bad for some people ooo

  65. PIONEERXY

    October 9, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    U ARE THE BEST. TELL DEM

  66. Padusky

    October 9, 2014 at 7:27 pm

    Communication, like friendship/relationship is a 2way street (except when it’s a threesome). On a more serious note, I really don’t mind if I’m doing all the calling but don’t take me for granted. What have you invested in the relationship? When I don’t call, please pick up your phone and call as I don’t have the sole responsibility of keeping in touch. Even when and if I’m wooing you, its during this period I’m getting to know you (if we weren’t friends before now), so signify your interest. If you’re interested in the relationship play your part. Haba. Even the chat I ain’t doing no more. Chase me! Duh!

  67. Akward Guy

    October 10, 2014 at 6:14 am

    Most ladies are the worst culprist in returning calld. Leboo can call you for like 60times a week buh you vsn only call when you need some.

    Its either my way or the highway, Haba bikonu! As for me, if we are dating and you cant return at least 40% of my call, the relationship is good as dead.
    You cant sinply transforn someone who like texting to someone who prefer phonetalk and then judging and classifying them ad serious or Unserious

  68. www.veeciousnote.blogspot.com

    October 10, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    And i was called frigid and old school for thinking this way. Totally feeling you on this Isio

  69. Chelseyyy

    October 11, 2014 at 7:25 am

    I read through your comment and thought i should say a few things about your line of thought. I totally agree with you that communication is a two way thing and some girls are actually not considerate about it but the basic truth is the guy is the one to chase and pursue and the lady should be at the receiving end most of the time. If a guy really cares about you, he would call. Thats basic. Its not about telemundo or wonderland. If you cant take out time and resources to build a relationship, how would you fend for your family in the future? Every good relationship is a result of cummulated effort and investment. Nothing good comes easy. You must pay the price for a good relationship. Even Jacob worked 14years for Racheal (lol….just saying).Its give and take. Its a building process. Its this idea of for every vashti there is an esther that is causing a lot of divorce in our society now. Why not just put your head down and build a relationship and stop looking for a replacement. I ll drop my pen here but remember; love is about sacrifice and compromise. If she is insisting that you call, find a way around it and make her happy. And 2 my fellow ladies, teach him how to be the man you want him to be. Show him by example and if he really loves and respects you, he ll learn. (Talking from experience). Make your voice heard by being a respectable woman of honour and virtue. Thats the easiest way to win a mans heart…..Grace to you all.

  70. lily

    October 12, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    nice write up isio. This whole thing is so popular among friends….d xcuse is am busy, cant pick your call..4 heavens sake u are the 1 calling them. Sometimes they make me feel like am an idle lazy person whenever i call them to say hello. . Seriously, am beginning to see life as Me and family….friends nope.

  71. kycee'stales.com

    October 14, 2014 at 10:57 am

    I sincerely agree with all you’ve said Isio…the whole technological advancement is turning people in lazy beings especially the men…they’ve become full blown lazy daters. Imagine one or two proposing on a social media. I rained down abuses on them eh…. Imagining going out on a date with someone and he or she doesnt say anything to you until you get back home and he wants to know where you are from and what your favorite meal is…#smh its a total cry for help…

  72. chocojay

    October 16, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    on point article…just the way i feel… what pisses me off the most is whan a guy starts asking me out via whatsapp or bbm.. im like wtf… its soooooo annoying…

  73. Ada

    November 4, 2014 at 2:32 pm

    So on point Isio, seems you were ‘reading’ my mind when you wrote this. Sometimes i wonder why someone who ‘cares’ about you cannot SPEND at least 100 naira to call (even if it is just a second).

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