Connect with us

Advertisement

Features

Chiugo Akaolisa: Love Does Not Conquer All

Published

 on

Think with me for a second. Boy meets girl under the perfect lighting and sparks fly. The charm of boy is not understated as he subtly puts out hints of an amazing future together. A beautiful house with a garden full of peonies, kids, and pets (if you are into them) become all what girl dreams about. Girl falls hard and deep and let’s say boy does too. Then girl’s foul attitude or boy’s wandering eyes rears its head and ever so casually boy/girl brushes it aside because his/her eyes are already set on the prize of happily ever after.

I can change her…I can change him…Love conquers all, right?

Wrong!

The biggest illusion love creates is the false power to control someone and maybe change them in the process. You CANNOT change a person who is not willing and accepting of the change no matter how deep the love is. I mean, what do you do with someone who doesn’t think there is anything to change in the first place? Love can only mask the problem for a short while, and after love fades (it eventually does), the problems resurface with all its siblings you didn’t know existed. If a man doesn’t understand why his temper needs not flare over little things, chances are, he will turn into a violent psycho when he is no longer trying to impress you. Similarly, if a woman doesn’t not see how annoying unnecessary nagging is when she is madly in love, imagine when she no longer looks at you the same way. Love does not conquer all. At least, not the kind displayed on earth.

If you haven’t already figured, incessant complaining does not elicit change. In fact, it does the opposite.

Some may argue that people can change for love. I am inclined to agree but that only happens when the person decides to look inwards and alter that annoying flaw rather than see the person they care about get hurt or leave them. The operative idea is that they do it themselves with that person in mind not in sight correcting them. The most influence you can have is to pray for them and ask the Creator to help your cause. Also, some life situations can humble a person to change: Loss or fear of loss is one of them.

If we are being totally honest with ourselves, at a point in our lives, we saw a glimpse of the cheating or the bad attitude or the extravagance with money long BEFORE it became a real threat but we chose to ignore it under the false pretense of Love. We blamed it on youthful exuberance and also got distracted by our libido until it came back to haunt us.

The great Maya Angelou once said “when someone shows you who they are, believe them; the first time”. In line with that saying, we need to stop putting too much pressure on love and figure out if the baggage we are faced with is something we can carry long term. If you cannot, gently lay it down and find someone with a baggage you can easily carry; forever is a long time.

On a final note, please be fair to your relationships and figure out areas in your life that need changing before it becomes someone else’s nightmare. Constant introspection is key.

Good luck!

Chiugo Veronica Akaolisa is a graduate from the University of Alberta, Canada. She is a God-lover and a recluse. Her every spare time is spent writing and developing her business. She is an entrepreneur and a budding novelist. Her true passion is Poetry and Relationship Tips. She has a minor in Psychology. Twitter: Verachi | Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cakaolisa | Instagram: missverachi |

36 Comments

  1. VeryAngryNigerian

    December 2, 2014 at 6:42 pm

    Love is not enough…..

  2. chi-e-z

    December 2, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    Really good write up.easy to follow. Nice Chi. I think this goes for all relationships not just romantic relationships. As much as I love my parents and they really had faith in me doing anything especially healthcare related since I like helping people and grasp educational classes. I just had to follow my path and it wasn’t healthcare that I loved but I tried hard to please them but I had to just realize I could be a good daughter and show I love and respect them while staying true to myself. And I think those who truly love you inspire you be a better version of who you are not who they might want you to be.

  3. Dr. N

    December 2, 2014 at 7:00 pm

    Love would be enough if people were perfect.

  4. Pee

    December 2, 2014 at 7:12 pm

    Touche!!!

  5. you know

    December 2, 2014 at 7:28 pm

    So true! There are always warning signs in relationship. But people choose to ignore them. The enjoyed the last two paragraph the most. Less baggage=Easier marriage

  6. jennietobbie

    December 2, 2014 at 7:38 pm

    This is my ministry and I approve this message!!!!

  7. Drknite

    December 2, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    Oh Chiugo! It took a degree to figure that out?

  8. Simsi

    December 2, 2014 at 8:11 pm

    This is something that happened to me. Loving someone so much thinking he would change, but he didn’t. And I had to accept the fact that he wasn’t going to and let him go. One of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make in my life. There are just some things you can’t cope with jare. I still love him tho but love doesn’t conquer all.

  9. viv

    December 2, 2014 at 8:17 pm

    Ermmmm, I beg to differ! The writer clearly has mistaken lust/infatuation/butterflies in the stomach for love! I’m sorry but if its not conquering all, then its not love. If it fades, I’m sorry again but that’s not love as well. Society conveniently refers to any attraction between people of the opposite sex as “love” and that is what this writer alludes to in this article. However,contrary to what most people think, love is a CHOICE and that choice is usually NOT blindly made. When TWO people really love, they CHOOSE to stay committed in rain ,snow, sun or drought. Irrespective of the other persons flaws or short comings (you would have known those shortcomings before deciding to love and be committed). When they are only infatuated, then the feeling is fleeting. So this article be better rephrased as “lust/attraction does not conquer all”. Love is pristine, love conquers all, love does not fade! (And this is all simply because of the hard work and commitment of the two people involved who genuinely love each other and have included God in their relationship)

    • toto

      December 3, 2014 at 8:12 am

      you read my mind. On Point!! like took the words. love is when i see your flaws and still take you in my arms.

    • Loveaddict

      December 3, 2014 at 8:28 am

      The kind of love you speak of is absolute love and it doesn’t exist between humans. I have met two people who desperately love themselves but can’t seem to work out their issues. Christ loves the world that He forgives everything but we humans are not as accomodating. Love is NOT a choice! Christ does not choose whom He loves. We dont choose our family but we love them, regardless. Love is a good precursor for a wonderful life but unless commitment and respect go in, its not enough. This is what you mean to express. If the kind of love you describe is always applied, most marriages and relationships would work out.

    • Blessmyheart

      December 3, 2014 at 11:57 am

      In my opinion, love consists of both the attraction/butterflies and choice. It usually begins with the former but as time goes on, you need to make a decision to accept the other person’s flaws and be ready to build your relationship against all odds, put the other person first, etc. I believe that is love.

  10. omoibo

    December 2, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    Gbam! The writer couldn’t have said it any better. As I have gotten older I pay less attention to what people say more attention to what they do.
    I have to always remind myself that I cannot want the change more for the other person than they do for themselves, mbanu..

  11. Ephi

    December 2, 2014 at 8:40 pm

    Nice write up.
    My thots: it depends on what we mean by love. If it’s the “butterflies in the tummy” kind of love which will certainly cool down with time, then yes it’s not enough. But if it’s the love that is determined and committed to make things work, that’s enough in my books.

    • DRKNITES

      December 3, 2014 at 5:08 pm

      LOL at “my THOTS”

  12. Endee

    December 2, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    Well said Chiugo! In my own little experience….wanting to change someone I was in a relationship with (and they wanting to change me) ended very badly. Funny enough, after we broke up, we both changed in the ways we both wanted the other to change but this happened without the consistent nagging and bickering. For change to happen, it is very key for the person in question to want this change more than you do. That said, I do believe that when I say I love someone, it means that I have accessed their flaws (most importantly) and have convinced myself that I can live with those flaws…..that way, if they do change, well….bonus points for me (or them)! 🙂

  13. Grown Woman

    December 2, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    Good write up.if someone is not willing to compromise, I think one is better of being single than to be in a self centered rship Mbanu!! Love is really overated sometimes

  14. bola

    December 2, 2014 at 8:48 pm

    this is me right now. 🙁

  15. PACE

    December 2, 2014 at 10:23 pm

    Very good write-up Chiugo, you could not have put it better than this. Also, we should be mindful of how we go about trying to change the next person. Truth is change is not an easy thing especially if the traits are deep rooted. Let’s learn to correct in love, constructive criticisms go a long way. Ultimately, let’s be open minded to change so our habits don’t become the next persons’ nightmare. God bless you for this piece Chiugo. I’ve learnt a lot just from this write-up.

  16. OA

    December 2, 2014 at 10:41 pm

    Beautiful article. It makes a lot of sense. I’ll like to address the statement “Love can only mask the problem for a short while, and after love fades (it eventually does)”. I’ll have to disagree on that, true love never fades. What you are referring to here is the side effect of ‘new love’. The butterflies, the excitement, the feeling of not being able to breathe when he/she is around. Those are the side effects not love itself. And yes, those fade because the reality of life set it and those ‘chemicals’ aren’t built to last forever. Science says they last approx 2yrs. True love never fades but evolves! You grow from having those initial butterflies feelings to something deeper – a deeper type of love based on knowing the person deeper. Understanding the difference between the side effects of new love and love itself is very key to the longevity of a relationship.

  17. Joshua Zhinno

    December 2, 2014 at 11:29 pm

    Really Nice write up.I totally agree cos I’ve been there.It’s exactly a year since we broke up sef.Love strong o,but wen person wey u think say go catch u wen u won fall leave you to fall nko?dem no gey strength ni.

  18. always happy

    December 3, 2014 at 2:40 am

    No person can be changed , their inate good or bad side can only be enhanced or diminished by life or circumstances. So as long as you know cows can’t fly, people can’t be changed. Same goes for in=laws and siblings who are forever “fire starters and discord” twerkers. Remember dia ris God!

    • Goddessofvictory

      December 3, 2014 at 8:37 am

      “fire starters and discord twerkers” how do you guys come up with these kind of statements. This is one skill i sadly do not have but want. (Oya i am using it sharp sharp)

  19. benny

    December 3, 2014 at 4:24 am

    Beautiful. I love the message and the fact that it is an easy read.

  20. Carliforniabawlar

    December 3, 2014 at 5:58 am

    “……..figure out areas in your life that need changing before it becomes someone else’s nightmare. Constant introspection is key.”
    Important words that I live by!!
    However,I think that it has led to some self-esteem issues for me. I’m constantly worrying about being perfect enough for my (future) mate. In fact i meet some guys and I right off the bat feel inadequate, like I’m not good enough…
    Yes, I have struggled with a lot of my weaknesses since I was a kid and to put it lightly, my mum outrightly tortured me…..I’ve tried to remember things on time, to watch my tongue, to clean up after myself, to be more feminine….. But all I have done is try. Well, if I have struggled for almost 2 decades, it’s likely I will marry still struggling with them. I’m really worried someone will get with me blinded by ‘love’ and attraction and then later realize I’m one big mess….
    I’m convinced I’m better off and will end up alone….Let me and my bad habits just dey jolly by ourselves dey go!!

    • nne'umu

      December 3, 2014 at 9:52 am

      I’m probably worse than you are and happily married with 2 kids. To each his own. I know for sure that you’ll find a mate whose excesses you’ll accommodate and who will be willing to do same for you. No one is perfect my dear.

    • omo

      December 3, 2014 at 10:42 am

      @Califoniabawal you sound like a great person..trying her best to be the best she can be Believe me.. No one is perfect. Love is about loving an imperfect person completely and you will find someone who will love you flaws, quirks and all..and who will inspire you even more to be your best you.. This is what I pray for too…

  21. Friend of God

    December 3, 2014 at 7:13 am

    In everything you do involve God, He always straightens things out. Love is God and God is Love. One can’t work without the other.

    • C'est moi

      December 3, 2014 at 5:46 pm

      Love is God and God is love that’s why in his loving loveliness he gave mankind freewill, cause he loves us so so dearly.

      What an oxymorn.

  22. Goddessofvictory

    December 3, 2014 at 8:46 am

    If the Bible says “Love conquers all” then i believe it. Any feeling or emotion that doesn’t or can’t conquer all is not love. #my2cents .

  23. www.africanstorytellers.blogspot.com

    December 3, 2014 at 9:49 am

    ‘Lesser baggage….easier marriage’ is the key. Anything else is a mirage!

    Enough said!

  24. sum1special

    December 3, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    I am a firm believer that love is not enough..A relationship requires more. Lovely write up

  25. C'est moi

    December 3, 2014 at 5:44 pm

    Anti-Divorce? Is that a new tag? At times a divorce is the best thing that could happen to someone. Attending a divorce party this weekend & we’re all thrilled to bits, the ex-wife was a nightmare.

  26. Ifunanya

    December 3, 2014 at 6:27 pm

    Love come and find me first before we talk about conquering.

  27. lola

    December 4, 2014 at 11:39 am

    love this article!!!! the fact is love isn’t enough but when you invite/include Christ it becomes enough. love in Christ and love without Christ isn’t the same thing. so wake up from your fairy tale if you think love is enough

  28. yourstrulyblogposts.blogspot.com

    December 5, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    Short, but, beautifully written!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Tangerine Africa

Star Features

css.php