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Damilola Ibidunni: The Choice to Love

Ibidunni Damilola



The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” St August of Hippo

Every day we are faced with the choice to love or not to love. I am not speaking of love as a feeling. Love is the awareness that wraps those feelings and the will to let them thrive. There can be no love without the choice to love. Yes, we may feel the attraction, but to follow it, we have to choose. We may sense its alluring pull, but to birth, it we have to decide.

As beings, we cannot do without love; it is an unfolding part in us. Despite having its nature embedded in us, there is no guarantee that we understand the intricacies of loving and living loved. We often misplace its aim; misconstrue its purpose and fault its connection with others. Some say it happens to them at first sight, others say it grows on them. But one thing is certain; if we allow ourselves, we are all capable of experiencing this beautiful thing called love. Yet I wonder, what really is love?

Love is that unbreakable bond which connects families, relatives and friends. Love is the presence of that loved one, even when they are long gone, they still live in us, their memories cherished, their legacies treasured, held loosely by the strand called love!

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. Unfortunately, sometimes we never look beyond the skin, the lips, the shape, the size to the very soul! We may choose what we see. Those once hardened by life can soften for love; those ruined and made weak by experience can be strengthened by love. That soul buried by years of harsh realities, altered by pain and hardship can be redeemed by love. When you stand before that one you claim you love, remember love is that which heals! They may be broken, be part of the soothing balm. To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to be loved and understood by the person you love is everything.

Self is the enemy of love. Our ego always gets in the way of love and leads us to make wrong choices. We might pretend to be perfect, but there is no perfect one. We have our flaws, so do our partners. When we stop judging and start loving, those flaws are seen for what they are, beautiful imperfections.

Rewrite your love story. Live your own love story. Notwithstanding the conditions, if you seek for love properly, you will certainly find it and if you don’t, it will find you.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Spotmatik

Ibidunni Damilola views the world as a stage and everyday an adventure through which he explores his vast interests. He is intrigued by the cores of humanity and its complexity, which he reflects in his crafts. Follow him on IG @ibidunnidamilola and on Twitter @iamibidunni.


  1. Onetallgirl

    March 8, 2015 at 2:52 pm

    This is one of the most beautiful write ups I have ever read on BN! Very good read! Thank you Damilola!!

  2. honest one

    March 8, 2015 at 4:31 pm

    #Tear. I’m looking for love

  3. Icey

    March 8, 2015 at 4:53 pm

    “…Self is the enemy of love. Our ego always gets in the way of love and leads us to make wrong choices…” spot on. Very very insightful piece.

    • Bee

      March 8, 2015 at 8:10 pm

      Indeed, that line resonated with me!

  4. D Main Man

    March 8, 2015 at 6:35 pm

    To love and be loved sincerely that’s the most difficult part of loving…very difficult, hard to really find and that thing call ego, spoiling things since 15AD.

  5. xtie

    March 8, 2015 at 11:44 pm

    @ D Main Man you are a clown. Lol

  6. DiamondPrissy

    March 9, 2015 at 12:29 am

    Very well said!!!

  7. Free

    March 9, 2015 at 7:38 am

    “…learning to see an imperfect person perfectly” that speaks to me , because there’s nothing that beats loving completely, flaws and all. Love is truly beautiful, not the way Hollywood depicts it, or as some romantic novels paint it. Instead, I see it around me, with my neighbors who have been married for 50 years and they still cherish each other. I’ve seen pictures of when they were younger and they were certainly no great beauties, yet the bond between them is so strong, you can’t help but wonder ‘what do these people see in each other?” That’s the type of love I’ll choose to have.


    March 9, 2015 at 9:30 am

    someone once said “If you’ve ever been in Love then mission complete, you’ve lived a full life”. But I’ve never been in love before I have no idea what its feels like apart from what I see in Hollywood movies sometimes I ask myself WTH is wrong with me?

    • oj

      March 9, 2015 at 2:26 pm

      my dear, what u see in Hollywood isn’t even real.

  9. debs

    March 9, 2015 at 10:43 am

    Great read!

  10. sussy

    March 9, 2015 at 10:53 am

    Truly moving article, speaks to me, please follow back on twitter

  11. Tosin

    March 9, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    so i’m learning from this class i’m taking that love is not lasting, not unconditional, and def. not exclusive.
    makes sense to me, my style.
    on the other hand, i just read an olllld harlequin romance novel now,
    and i see how if we take love as these cultural images (from movies / romances, from institutions / traditions ) , yeah we get it really more rigid, difficult, and in some cases impossible.
    not saying that’s how everybody will see it, just saying it really made sense to me. it may even be that the old view is linked to sort of a monotheistic even Christian worldview, while the reviewed relaxed sense is more like the buddhist thing? in that sense, maybe it’s not a right/wrong thing, just nice to see in context…
    did that make any sense?

  12. Tosin

    March 9, 2015 at 3:14 pm

    it’s all good.
    the ‘in love’ thing, in my view, is like a disease. like fever. it feels high. maybe like a drug. sometimes the fever breaks. usually the fever breaks. sometimes the withdrawal is so horrible, you’ll wish you never fell in love in your life. lol. don’t go looking, just be happy.
    the druggie love doesn’t necessarily mean somebody that’s good for you long term o. it’s just madness. gba bee.

    ok let’s talk about love.

  13. beautycee

    March 9, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    i want to love and be loved in return
    God please help me

  14. Immanuel

    March 9, 2015 at 9:02 pm

    Love The Write Up Damilola..Keep it Coming

  15. Rotimi

    March 10, 2015 at 1:07 am

    Thumbs up Damilola, Good One.

  16. Tolu

    March 11, 2015 at 2:29 am

    Nice article, kip it up dear.

  17. Doyin

    March 11, 2015 at 11:20 am

    Nice article you have here….

  18. Kawthar

    March 11, 2015 at 2:42 pm

    This is just Beautiful Dammy. Well done.

  19. Elkannah

    March 14, 2015 at 10:33 pm

    Omo luv good oo..
    This is muaah!
    #keep the faith Brov

  20. mimiso

    April 20, 2015 at 9:03 pm

    Dis love is something else

  21. Meeee

    September 13, 2015 at 1:09 am

    I love this

  22. Mariama_blac

    November 26, 2015 at 8:49 am

    Such a beautiful piece to live on!

  23. lanaire

    March 9, 2016 at 3:49 pm

    Damilola, you are truly amazing

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