Connect with us


William Ifeanyi Moore: Main Dish & a Garnishing of the Side Chic



A friend of mine was telling me how she was ‘seeing’ this man that had a girlfriend. Initially she thought it would not bother her. After all besides his occasional company and good D, for monthly servicing she wasn’t sure she could tolerate him all that much. Not to mention the fact that he was cheating with her showed her what type of man he was. If she ever got serious with him it was only a matter of time till he found some other woman to fill the side-chick position. Right…

Fast-forward a few months later she found herself feeling some type of way about him not replying to her messages as quickly as he used to.

You see this guy lived outside of Lagos, but he was in the city for an extended period when they first met. Now he was back to the city where his girlfriend lived (I won’t mention where before someone enters hot soup. You know the average woman is qualified to work for the CIA). Obviously he was spending time with his main chick which meant he was less available to my friend’s needs.

This was the beginning of the end. When he was in Lagos he still made time to see her, but in front of her he would reply messages from his main chick and even take calls.

Ladies, just in case you were wondering, if you are the one that knows about the other girl he is with, you are the side chick. The main chick is always protected from such information.

It has come to my attention that some side chicks have actually started to think themselves the number 1 because they get more frequent D or more regular gifts. Think of it more as salary for your services and less like signs of affection. When it is time to make a choice, that man will stick to his main chick (for the most part).

Anyways, I digress. Slowly but surely my friend began to want more of this guy; but not in the way she wanted him before. She already had his bodily attention, now she wanted his emotional attention. Unfortunately someone already owned that part of him. The harder she tired, the more she came off as a whinny/needy girl. Needless to say, as these things often do, it ended in her regretting ever talking to him.

Moral: Women compete with each other for the emotional attention of men. No woman wants to feel like all they are good for is a poke in bed. Not when another woman is getting so much more.

Men on the other hand are nothing like this. The phrase ‘the other man’ is more or less none existent. The female equivalent to ‘the other woman’ is so popular that there is even a movie with that title. When a man is ‘seeing’ a woman already in a relationship, more often than not he is very happy to provide only a physical service while the boyfriend handles the emotional drama. In fact, the only thing most guys care about is that they are ‘hitting it’ better than her man.

Moral: Men compete with each other for the physical attention of women. We really don’t mind feeling like all we are good for is a rump in bed. In fact we are proud to be only good at that, rather shamefully I must admit.

This polarizing attitude towards sex can be reflected in even how sexual entertainment is tailored for the sexes. Women will rather read erotica books where a man is portrayed to supply sex with commitment and emotional attention. Men just want to watch porn with a storyline as simple as a plumber coming to fix a pipe only to end up laying one.

My advice to women: If you cannot be good, be the best at being bad. As a rule of thumb I have what I call the ‘Three Hit Theory’. This theory suggests that after sleeping with a guy three times with constant conversation in between these rendezvous, a woman will get emotionally attached (A.K.A catching feelings).

If you have decided to have no-strings-attached sex, cut out all that chit-chatting in-between. When you need an oil change, just call the service engineer and let him do his job. Avoid cuddling and long pillow talks. These actions encourage the secretion of oxytocin which is an attachment hormone. You don’t want that. If you cannot emotionally handle this operation, get yourself a man. The matter of friends with benefit is for another post.

As for guys, y’all are already cold-hearted. My prayers are with you. And please ALWAYS wear your raincoat.

P.S This is a public service announcement. All generalizations are to reflect a societal majority based on my personal observation. Feel free to agree or disagree on the comment section. I am a learner.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Photographerlondon

William Ifeanyi Moore is an MPharm graduate from the University of Portsmouth, UK. His true passion is in novels and poetry but he cheats on them with movies, plays, and music. He believes sacrifice and compromise is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. His debut novel Lonely Roads is out on 10/12/2015. Blog: Twitter: @willifmoore Instagram: willifmoore


Star Features