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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: Tongue, Dip, Sensual… No Teeth Please

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Don’t you just hate people who can’t kiss? It’s a hot mess really!

Okay, let’s dial this back a few rounds.

You meet this super delicious looking person – everything is on point. Said person stimulates your mind, sets your toes tingling, and there’s something in their eyes that makes you just want to lean in. You give in to the insane urge to just… taste. Nibble. Experience. Feel. Something. Then when you do, you encounter teeth. A LOT of TEETH and a clumsy chunk/slab of uncontrolled saliva-laden tongue – like a thick wet towel that got caught in the Houston floods.

People, kissing is an art form that should not be desecrated on the altar of inexperience or skill. However, there’s something about kissing, and its existence in our Nigerianism that makes me wonder about its antecedents. Did our forefathers take soft bites of our foremothers’ lips? Did Greatgrand Pa Ajanlekoko thrust his tongue down the mouth of Greatgrand Ma Aramanfesinmi?

I never saw my parents kiss. There were no soft touches and deep gazes that suggested intimacy of that sort. So one can only imagine the acute way my interest was piqued the first time I ‘experienced’ a kiss within the pages of a book.

At 12, I was a voracious reader – I mean, what other options do you have with an extremely vivid imagination and very little interest in actual human beings? So, I always had my head buried in a book – preferably a love story. The African authors I was exposed to at the time, wrote about classrooms, virtues and cultural adherence. My ‘Oyinbo’ books, on the other hand, told the stories of long sensual touches, fevered whispers and love so intense, you could cut through that tension with Dragonglass! (G.O.T fans! WHAT happened yesterday?? Whoaaa!)

Atoke CheeriosWith that level of intensity and a curious mind, it was only a matter of time before I tried to figure out how to get myself into that space. Ladies, and gentlemen, it was bland. Behind the Intro-tech lab, staring at the peeling yellow wall with the dull scrawl of ‘Aloba Wuz Hia’ staring back at me, his lips pressed against mine tentatively. I thought of the times when the characters in my novels talked about tongues, and then I opened my mouth – gently using my tongue to explore what lay on the other side. Sanitary concerns were discarded as I wondered what I’d do if he wanted to reciprocate by shoving his own tongue down my mouth.

It wasn’t ‘sweet’; I didn’t feel the heady rush I had expected. So, in my usual self-deprecating manner, I chucked it to me being a turd – an inexperienced lousy kisser. So, I made up my mind to study and practice. By study, I mean, dig deeper into all my Harlequin romance and Mills & Boon novels. I would stand in front of the mirror and practice what I imagined was how my tongue was supposed to twirl – this way, and then that. Slowly, and gently… just like the novels prescribed. Thankfully, the next guy I kissed after my self-training was quite good. Very good actually – and I got all the intensity promised by the novels. There was no outpouring of saliva (as I’ve since then encountered. Gosh! That’s just god-awful!) There was no gnashing of teeth (During that encounter, I imagined I had gone to hell and was being punished for daring to allow a boy bring his lips near mine. Nobody could tell me that guy didn’t have more than 32 teeth.) There was no Kplab kplab of the untamed tongue.

I asked a couple of my friends to share some of their kissing experiences with me. [Thank you Witches of TN]

How about those that open mouth before getting to you? I remember one dude that almost used tongue to choke me many moons ago. Sigh Thank God those days are over

Others will use tongue to count all your 32”

Some fine boys that look like they know their starves will just be coming to desecrate person mouth. So if you can’t kiss, then it’s natural to assume you will be a lay from hell

Another friend, (a guy) had this to say: “Na the licking of the whole face all in the name of kissing I hate. Ito everywhere [Ito is saliva in Yoruba]

With all these bad stories about kissing, I am inclined to think, maybe kissing is one of those things we did adopt from our Western friends – you know, like their cell phones, religion, and apple crumble! So how did our ancestors initiate the first step of foreplay? My friend said they probably exchanged palm fruits! Maybe they touched each other’s noses and gazed into their deep kohl-lined eyes.

Maybe one person learned how to kiss, and then taught the next person. Which brings the question, can kissing be learned? I’d say yes. Hey, with the predominance of YouTube videos, I’m sure there’s a lesson on how to dip, nibble and twirl in a sensual way. In fact, let me stop here and hurry on to find out from my comrades on YouTube.

Please share your kissing experiences with me. I love a good kiss… as you can clearly tell! Oh and please tell me if you’re an opened or closed eyes person. Depending on the person and the level of attraction – what is that thing they say about eyes being the mirror into the soul?  And before we lay the blame solely on guys… I’ve heard some girls just make you wanna run to the hills when they bring their mouth near you. Father Be a Rescuer!

Peace, love & celery stalks!

Toodles

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Felix Mizioznikov 

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

112 Comments

  1. Psychic

    June 1, 2015 at 11:07 am

    i had an ex..my mouth used to ache for 2 days after we kissed,that wasn’t kissing,that was chewing of my mouth,and then u always had to wipe ur mouth after he was done,spittle all over,relationship lasted about 3months,if u can’t miss,we won’t even bother getting to d next level..the days of the *u feeling me guys,whew!* I loveeeeeee kissing,i did a lot of mills & boom research in those days too*wink*..and i have met guys who can kisssssss,little nibbles,here n there,dip,swirl,some biting,some tongue…*fans self*okbye

    • Jen

      June 1, 2015 at 12:37 pm

      My mouth used to ache for 2 days, LOL!!!!!!!!

  2. Thatgidigirl

    June 1, 2015 at 11:17 am

    Lmao @ Saliva everywhere! No be lie my sister, licking off all my foundation and powder that took me 30mins to apply…..abeg shift with ya mop tongue jare. For me a kiss says it all, its a mini compatibility test. My first kiss however was my worst (naturally), he burped in my mouth and it was just all types of nasty. It left me fragile for a very long time, as i kept expecting to taste that putrid moin moin like gas with every kiss. My best kiss…..i’m still experiencing it, bald men are the best lovers (not a myth).

    • Priscy

      June 1, 2015 at 11:39 am

      Nne you don suffer o…Moin moin smelling burp for inside ya mouth

    • Confuzzled

      June 1, 2015 at 11:50 am

      *Screaming*

      I am so traumatized for you!! I’d never kiss again if that nightmare was my first experience. Kudos to you. You’re a survivor.

      Also, +1 on bald men!! Shakes tambourine 😉

    • Simplyjane

      June 1, 2015 at 12:48 pm

      Nne, i agree with you on that last sentence. And here was i, bemoaning my luck on why a bald guy should come my way until he showed me love! You ain’t never lied, gurl!

    • aj

      June 1, 2015 at 8:21 pm

      I have a bald guy that is interested in me…maybe I will give him a chance! lol he claims to be romantic.

    • Queen

      June 1, 2015 at 1:13 pm

      You didn’t have to spill all the nasty details of fermented moin-moin breathe! Now….. I’m currently at lunch eating at my desk while I read your comment! Now can’t eat again !! If only I could stretch my hand through this phone to knock you!

    • Lois

      June 1, 2015 at 2:37 pm

      A babe talking from experience #BaldMen AreTheBestLovers? I beg to differ?

    • gak

      June 1, 2015 at 6:41 pm

      Maybe he isn’t nashurally bald but shaved his head to decieve you poor sistuh

    • tybay

      June 1, 2015 at 7:02 pm

      I think stereotyping is so wrong. One can get disappointed from expectations tied to preconceived notions. Anyway, back to the story at hand.
      Like the infamous Archibald Mccnally said, “”a kiss is the close juxtapositioning of two or more orbicular muscles in the state of constant contraction.” I read this from a book years ago and that definition stuck. So imagine my luck when i got my first kiss from my now
      Husband, and boy can he kiss. I learnt some types of kisses from Cosmopolitan too. My best till date is the hot and cold canoodle. Definitely a winner!

    • jay

      June 1, 2015 at 2:47 pm

      lmao…..its something you will not forget in a hurry…so sorry dear

    • anon

      June 1, 2015 at 5:05 pm

      Lmaooo…I see “Bright Chimezie” is doing a good job after all!

    • Baldy

      June 1, 2015 at 5:07 pm

      loool…All the bald guys in the house say ayyyyyeeeeeeeee!!!! #baldMenAppreciationDay

    • kike

      June 1, 2015 at 5:46 pm

      bald men!! my goodness!! rubbing ur hands on that smooth round head while u kiss… my friends think im crazy when i say i love gorgeous looking bald men. i learnt how to kiss from my 2nd bf (only kissed the first one)… i remember then i would sneak out to go visit and come back to the hostel to meet a plate of hot and spicy food that slaps on my lips.. chai the pain (bcos of all the long hours of kissing lol)… if u cant kiss, i cant date u. simple.

    • Ade

      June 1, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      All these ladies complainning about bad kissing, must be bad kissers themselves. Women and their oversabi behavior, they won’t check themselves. A good kisser can turn a bad kissing to a good one if he/she knows what they are doing. Bad kissing has many factors. Bad/stinky breath, shape/size of one’s lips, and the chemistry between the two people will determine good or bad kissing.

    • Ogaontop

      June 2, 2015 at 12:38 am

      Women have list of everything for men but half of them don’t follow the list for themselves. You want a guy with white teeth, fresh breath but yours smells like spoiled broccoli with yellow between it. You want a guy to give oral sex but the smell between your legs is unbearable constant dirty feet smell. Women practice what you preach.

    • Jhennique

      June 2, 2015 at 8:43 am

      lmaooooooo. yuck! ewww! im so disgusted for you. You shuda puked in his mouth. LOL

  3. somborri

    June 1, 2015 at 11:17 am

    Atoke is back! Hahahhahaha. Bad sloppy kissing is a no no for me. Urrgh

  4. Diddy

    June 1, 2015 at 11:21 am

    Na this kind article dey sweet woman pass and dem go be the chief judge,and them go get stories to share pass,guys na today una go know weda una sabi kiss.oya ladies over to u pple

  5. darlingsuperhero

    June 1, 2015 at 11:29 am

    U are damn hilarious…. this came in handy, my partner has been talking non-stop for minutes now, this made me chuckle all through.

    I love kissing.. I will come back to comment properly. the ‘pit-pat’ of my keyboard wont let me

  6. Priscy

    June 1, 2015 at 11:35 am

    Atoke oo…..this is Monday Morning fa..

    Anyway. first of all, if I can’t kiss you, I can’t date you
    When I meet someone I like, my eyes can do outward thorough search
    Like your lips first…it has to be in a particular shape o
    I no wan kiss kpomo abeg
    Dark lips is a no for me o
    then your mouth has to be clean and no bad breadth please…ewww
    No wounds/cuts on the outer lips too o
    White teeth please
    Then when it comes to kissing…please don’t come and be pouring saliva in my mouth o
    Ahn ahn….dem send you?
    Some guys sef will just kiss you for 5 secs and want to be pressing bress (rush rush…1 minute men)
    Nna cool down
    You can tell a good kisser if he takes his time to kiss you, run his hand through your hair, push your head even closer
    Choi….I don dey remember that my bobo

    P.S: I hate long nails on guys…I still don’t understand why guys keep long nails
    some even keep all four nails short, then leave the last one so long
    for what na?
    No near me o

    • stelly

      June 1, 2015 at 12:10 pm

      Lol!!!!! @ pressing bress!!!B

    • Taiwo

      June 1, 2015 at 1:12 pm

      Lmaooooooo!! Una don kill me for here!! Please guys , easy abeg.

    • khennee

      June 1, 2015 at 1:32 pm

      i hear they keep the nail for the finger thingy which should take place down south and my question is how does that help? then again am not a guy. lol

    • Bebegyel

      June 1, 2015 at 5:32 pm

      Best to see a pic of their mouth and teeth from the dentist biko. Hubby’s not a good kisser plus after I follow am go dentist, tongue kissing is a closed book not even chapter. No plate licking or sticking that tongue in any of my orifices. I remember Kay, the best kisser I ever had, his breath smelt like that of a baby…beautiful! And the guy could kiss wonderfully…choi!

    • rakel

      June 3, 2015 at 1:54 pm

      [email protected] pressing bress….its a turnoff

  7. bruno

    June 1, 2015 at 11:37 am

    I am a very good kisser, I can brag about it. kissing is one of many things I am good at.

    many nigerian guys don’t know how to kiss. forcing ur tongue inside my mouth with saliva everywhere, pls stop it. some of them like to use force when kissing.
    so forceful, I’m like calm down biko, I’m running anywhere.

    before I kiss someone, I usually use style to smell the person’s breath. if u have bad breath just forget it, I will peck u on ur cheek and that will be it.

    I love kissing then all of a sudden you stop then u look into the person’s eyes. OMG!!!!! the best feeling in world. then u continue kissing the person again.

    • Chibugo

      June 1, 2015 at 12:28 pm

      I seriously cannot comprehend how a man can be attracted to his own sex. *Shudders* . I will probably get cussed out for saying this. Oh well

    • MC

      June 4, 2015 at 11:46 pm

      Because you are not gay….

    • pretty girl

      June 1, 2015 at 4:39 pm

      Bruno these is the first time you are ever commenting on Atoke monday banter

  8. Ms. Brown

    June 1, 2015 at 11:39 am

    lmaoooooo! for a minute i didnt believe i was about to read or i was now reading about “kissing”. But ure just so like me with the childhood and everything. I came back after my first year in school to find out my dad had tore all my “oyinbo” novels(never read Mills and Boons, i started in life with Danielle steel and d rest, i hated small books) cos he said they will mess up my ideas of life. I mean, he TORE!! Even d ones i borrowed(my friends havent forgiving me). Didnt stop me from still loving my books sha.
    unfortunately i have this habit of repressing bad memories so i might not necessarily remember wet slurpy kisses. havent done much experimenting either but my first kiss wasnt as dreamy as i hoped. But ive had goood ones after. But i remember one boy in my friends hostel in school who was crushing on me and one day successfully shoved his mouth upon mine, it was ito all over mehn! i felt defiled 🙁 oh oh i remember this other spittle guy too! jeez i shuder at memories i had better close this page!

  9. ybbil

    June 1, 2015 at 11:54 am

    bad kissers repulse me, and all those peeps that pour spit into ladies mouth, God is watching you. my kissing in in secondary school tho was forced, didnt really like it, but did it cos it was the norm, my part one days I avoided it like a plague cos I ddnt like the guy, dont ask me why I said yes to him, lol.. Part 2 was forced too. I had my first real kiss when I was 20 and I became a convert. I don’t kiss randomly though, I have to really like you and be commited to you before I kiss. Bae presently kisses me like crazy and he has the freshest breath ever, though his beards tickles me alot. Hated all those romance novels tho, more adventure and detective.

  10. Lola

    June 1, 2015 at 12:04 pm

    How can one prevent saliva from dripping while kissing? Please teach some of us. Thank you

    • Queen

      June 1, 2015 at 1:40 pm

      As a certified Queen of kissing with years of good experienced at it, my first primary advice to you is to first ensure you have a pleasant breathe before your even think the thought of kissing someone else. I would never kiss if I have the slightest feeling that my breathe isn’t quite good at the time.

      So if you tend to drip a lot while kissing then first swallow a good measure of saliva first before to start to kiss. That way you have taken out a good measure of what you would have slurped into the young man’s mouth! and rendered yourself a distasteful kisser.
      Secondly, be gentle. Kissing is all about savouring the moment. So the slower you are, the more sensual you make yourself appear to the other person.
      Then gently pick either of his lip. Usually the lower lip is what I go for. That way you gain control of the kiss and that’s where you either proof you are a good kisser or a horrible one. If you are not so confident at kissing, then humbly pick the upper lip and go with the flow. The upper lip is more sensitive and tender so you have to be gentle with it anyway and seeing as you’re not so confident at it, the upper lip already puts your work at ease.

      For the confident one who wants to be in control of that kiss, you have to pick the lower lip and also go slowly with intermittent stops and staring the other in the eyes. and intermittently picking the upper lip also for a few seconds. When you stop to catch a breathe, smile gently and swallow saliva! That way you don’t slurp saliva into the other persons mouth!

      Slowly use your tongue also! But be tactful in doing so. You don’t want to put your entire tongue in some else’s mouth! that’s awful!

      And not to forget, touch, touch, touch! Keep it all sensual and you will leave a remarkable impression of a good and sensual kisser! Just like me ***wink 😉

    • Miss Mo,

      June 1, 2015 at 4:33 pm

      This your teaching got me a little hot and bothered. Off to find my boo

  11. ghost

    June 1, 2015 at 12:10 pm

    ‘funny how most girls think they are good kissers, the truth is that most are not. They have these fantasies about how they love kissing and how they are good at it, and feel your ears with tales about how horrible their hookups or ex boyfriend were. And then the anticipation builds not because you value kissing, but your mind starts telling you (“head”/”nodding”) will be great, cus u know naa (great kissers give great head lol), And then you eventually kiss her and you don’t even want to hit again . You tell her she is a good kisser and curse under your breadth, and then they will start telling you to behave if you want that “kiss or the head or the knacking”. so when i read stories like this i laugh because i know that there is high possibility the writer may fall under this category. I know that guys can be bad kissers but the majority of girls aren’t good either.
    dis write up make me remember one girl like that, we will “”booze” and “high” together,foreplay alone we go they do ‘simultaneous orgasm /wegasm”(Just imagine the sex) see me looking sad during her wedding like say na me be father of the bride.

  12. deb

    June 1, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    chai! this brings back memories. i certainly met good kissers as a teenager, made it a point of note to date guys that were older than me, observed their lips too to avoid all the “ito experiences”. then i met one dude in uni that could suck upper lips like a hungry baby on a feeding bottle in the name of kissing! oh lawd! my upper lip were so swollen the first time, i hid it in my mouth and avoided talking to people for a few days. afterwards i’d draw back whenever he enters sucking mode. we dated for 2 weeks, cant be dealing with swollen lips abeg.

    Bae on the other hand, is a pro. Toe-curling, knee-buckling, oh-so-breathless… okay m outta here.

    • deb

      June 1, 2015 at 12:13 pm

      *was so swollen

  13. lanya

    June 1, 2015 at 12:18 pm

    I loooove to kiss. That’s the easiest way to turn me on and I’ve been lucky because I haven’t had a traumatic kissing experience and I hope to never do, abeg o all these skills are reserved for someone with equal or higher skill set. By the way Atoke, this aint fair, such memory-awakening-toe-curling article on a monday morning.

  14. Ehiwarior

    June 1, 2015 at 12:24 pm

    I am a closed eyes person oooh, and I like kisses, I consider it a better way of bonding for lovers, and I also believe kissing can be learnt because it is an art, like lovemaking.
    My first kiss, I was in SS1 and she was in JSS2. and it was in 2004, (Federal Government College) no interesting memory, just that my heart was beating very fast like an electric train.
    Funnily, 11 years later, University and NYSC over; we are still kissing and planning to walk down the aisle soon.

    • Thatgidigirl

      June 1, 2015 at 1:36 pm

      aaaawww such a beautiful story

    • zeee

      June 1, 2015 at 2:30 pm

      Awwwwwwww

    • Confuzzled

      June 1, 2015 at 3:01 pm

      Sprinkling confetti all over this comment!!! Too cute 🙂

    • Fashionista

      June 24, 2015 at 1:50 pm

      Awwwww!!!!! If you do walk down the aisle, may you never stop enjoying each others kisses. Amen.

  15. iyke

    June 1, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    You girls should not bash only the men here Biko?.What about girls whose mouths smell like cray fish and rotten onions??
    Ok,???? let me brag a little,I taste so good you will want the recipe!
    Also be warned that if you kiss my neck,am not responsible for what happens next!
    Enjoy the month of June beautiful people!??

    • TA

      June 1, 2015 at 12:42 pm

      Aha! So you are one of those people that have extremely ticklish/sensitive necks? Loool,

    • iyke

      June 1, 2015 at 2:14 pm

      It’s not only neck,my nipples too…always embarrassing me.???Once you kiss my neck or make the mistake of brushing my nipples,it’s game over!…..You don finish me be dat!!!

    • Ewa

      June 1, 2015 at 12:55 pm

      Come, make I conduct experiment. lol

    • Ocean Beauty

      June 1, 2015 at 1:01 pm

      Bia Mr. Iyke, I challenge you to a kissing contest if it’s possible.
      I am one of those whose lips already look like they were made only for giving sexual pleasure. And I don’t disappoint in the kissing department. I was on the front row when God was giving out kissable lips.
      Some people are determined to dislocate your lips in the name of kissing.
      They think kissing is about dashing you all their saliva, putting all your lips in their mouths and chewing life out of you.
      Make I face work jare. Oga Iyke i dey wait ur reply oh.

    • iyke

      June 1, 2015 at 3:07 pm

      @ocean Beauty,
      Hiaa,e don Dey hungry you…..careful what you wish for hun…….You don’t want to go there cus you are about to realize how much you’ve been starving,if you taste me!??Am a wildfire!Oku na enwu enwu!

    • Tee

      June 2, 2015 at 4:11 am

      Oya get a room and find out both of you. Sexting in our face. Lol

    • Lobatan

      June 1, 2015 at 2:54 pm

      wait o! are you male or female?

    • Person

      June 1, 2015 at 3:23 pm

      Iyke ke? So male. Lol 😉

  16. Nike

    June 1, 2015 at 12:46 pm

    I love kissing and it is a major determiner of where a (would be) relationship is headed. There was this guy that I really liked at some point; I kissed him and his mouth was filthy and I knew from that moment there was going to be no relationship whatsoever.

  17. mz_daniels

    June 1, 2015 at 1:08 pm

    My first kiss was ahhh-maaaazing. God, time stood still man and afterwards, I got a note in my bag ‘I love the way your tongues moved like an eel…..’ didn’t understand it but that guy could kiss. My seatmate in class kept staring at me funny. ( I was i SS2). He also wrote lovely poems and drew nice images.

    He and my bf in 2nd year are the best kissers I’ve had. The one in 2nd year could nibble, take his time and make you feel all sort of ways.

    Issokay, back to work. Toke, you haff made a sister start thinking unholy thoughts

  18. Weather

    June 1, 2015 at 1:15 pm

    Atoke ooo. looool. First article in the month of June and it’s about kissing! This has to be a really good month. One thing that got me hooked on my hubby from the beginning was his kissing technique, boyyyy, can that man kiss. You would think he took special classes for it. I’m stuck on this one. kikiki

  19. Fleur

    June 1, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    The kiss na everything. Oh my. Had one nightmare kisser (did not help that he forced his mouth on mine too) and two super experts my entire life. In the hands of experts, you are putty. Let me leave it at that and return to work.

  20. Fleur

    June 1, 2015 at 1:18 pm

    By the way Atoke, M&B and Harlequin!! Girl, we had an illicit book club at my federal govt college. I read on average a book a day because you had to pass it on to the next person. Oh my. Carole Mortimer and Lynne Graham were all time favorites. Betty Neels the worst. Now ya’ll know my age.

    • Person

      June 1, 2015 at 3:26 pm

      OMG! Someone with the exact same tastes. Betty Neels didn’t have any ‘correct’ scenes. Always just dulling my spirit. My confession? I still read these books! 😀

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      June 1, 2015 at 4:05 pm

      Please someone should tell those people who used to write those blurp’s for Betty Neels. The first book of hers I read was actually traumatizing.. Wharris that? I wondered what all the praise reviews were about..

      Since we are on the topic, remember when Silhouette started them Sensation, Desire, Intrigue, Intimate Moments, Historical Romance Series? Shallat to Maggie Shayne, JoAnn Ross, Beverly Barton. Debbi Macomber and all.. Thank you for the unrealistic realities. Short of looking like a cross dresser doping on contact lenses, I’m still hoping to find my grey eyed, ebony black, 6ft 3, chisel chested, flowing mane fella. And his horse.

    • Confuzzled

      June 1, 2015 at 4:25 pm

      @Bobosteke you forgot to include a most crucial thing: His occupation ie he has to own a ranch, or be a business exec., a doctor, an oil sheikh, or (my personal fave) a firefighter… lol such good times.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      June 1, 2015 at 6:36 pm

      @confuzzled

      Fire fighter, nah… too risky.

      They were really good times. Pity we had to grow up.

    • Ever Green

      September 15, 2015 at 1:55 pm

      I love Penny Jordan, lavyrle spencer,Nora Roberts, Brenda Joyce, Danielle Steele and Linda Howard like crazy in those days and my mathematics teacher knows how to deal with me strokes of Pankere, yet he i still continue. Mr Adewusi you are the best!

  21. Didi

    June 1, 2015 at 1:18 pm

    Atoke oh you are on track! Gba si be jare!
    A guy I just met, kissed me on our second date,I had to pinch myself to be sure I wasn’t 9 again reading the banned mills and boon under my blanket !
    His kiss Choi! Brought me to life in this fuel scarcity.Even though am on a work trip now I can’t help but feel warm and fuzzy aboutTHAT KISS!
    Lord help me am wondering what else that man can do well!

  22. Nuna

    June 1, 2015 at 1:22 pm

    LOOOL Hilarious comments. I didnt kiss anyone until I was 21. Cant even remember how that felt.
    I was never moved by another kiss until the first day I kissed my now husband at a cinema. I mean, my insides were churned. I still get goose bumps thinking about that kiss. Thank God we are now married. *mops brow*

  23. ednutey

    June 1, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    Atoke and Psychic got me almost choking with laughter on this cold rice and beans…una wan use laff kee pesin.Wetin????

  24. John Wick

    June 1, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    So, all the respondents and author are laying claims to been awesome kissers. When we see una picture nau e go be diff story. Talmbout ‘lips must be shaped in a certain way’.
    I wonder who the guys with bad kissing experience have been kissing.
    issorai

  25. Mide

    June 1, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    Atoke is back indeed!

    Sooo onto this kiss matter, I was feeling myself when the Mr recently told me that one of the bonuses of me in his life was teaching him how to kiss ‘proproly’! not like the lousy, hasty, teeth jamming, teenager type kiss i met….. I dont think I learned from books or tv, I guess with growing and after 2nd bf gave me swollen lip + blister in the name of kissing; i just felt more confident about how I wanted to be touched/handled, so if u eek me out, I will let u know in very clear terms….and get into ‘guiding mode’ if i care enough.

    I rmbr once being curious about two of my friends that had become quite flirty with each other, so I asked the babe how the kiss was, in her words…. ‘…gosh it felt like a farm animal attacked my mouth…’ It turns out our hot, darknight brov was a very dark mouth experience too…. #weist!

    • Ewa

      June 1, 2015 at 4:35 pm

      Gaddem!!! LMAO

  26. C'est moi

    June 1, 2015 at 1:35 pm

    I find kissing more intimate than sex.
    If we quarrel there is no way I can kiss until all is hunky-dory but find i can engage in non-participatory no kissing sex.

    Back on topic, I hate HATE HOT BREATH & wet sloppy kisses. Suck all the spit down before kissing, the sloppy kissers seem to like gather all their available spit and then dump it in your mouth, just yuck. & hot breath means you aren’t brushing the tongue. I’m very particular about tongues; it has to be pink with no white flurry stuff.

  27. Rt

    June 1, 2015 at 1:44 pm

    Nigerian girls are really funny at times.So In your minds you ladies are good kisses, eh?.Sorry to bust your bubbles ladies,majority of you don’t even know how to kiss.,that’s a fact.

  28. cleo

    June 1, 2015 at 1:47 pm

    My first kiss, didn’t enjoy it. But i have grown to love kissing. I have not encountered a lover with bad breath or stained teeth so i have been spared that rauma. I cant imagine it.
    Not sure if i am a good kisser or not. But i know a good kiss makes me feel like floating

  29. Bae

    June 1, 2015 at 1:49 pm

    My ex was a really good kisser. Before i met him inexperience was may middle name. Now we have broken up i feel like a pro. Idont know how id survive if the next boo isn’t good at kissing.

  30. Bae

    June 1, 2015 at 1:56 pm

    Another problem is people like to swalow both lips. During kissing one person sticks to the upper lip of the other and one sticks tp the lower lip. slowly and steadily then you will feel all thr steam lol.

  31. Sabifok

    June 1, 2015 at 2:01 pm

    One particular kiss I remember was with this chick called Comfort (name has been changed to protect the innocent)
    We had intense chemistry, that I am sure I could donate blood to her, if she ever needed it.
    She had been flirting with me, and the anticipation to our first kiss built up to crescendo.
    Then we kissed. Disaster. I felt like Cupid had strung me with a poisoned arrow afterwards – I felt this intense urge to throw up my innards, like I had just swallowed spoilt Ofe Owerri soup. I was like dude that kissed Nagin in the Indian snake-girl movie.
    Comfort had internal halitosis.
    I gasped for breath – holding my neck and forcing myself to breath, while Comfort looked at me in bewilderment. Comfort had caused me great discomfort.

    The other bad kiss I got was from this girl who did an annoying thing where she used her tongue to draw circles around your lips – as if painting them with saliva lipstick. Eww…
    She did it like she was a dog trying to lap up JoJo dog food.
    She also murmured as she did it “Sabifok, you like that huh? You like that?”
    I answered “No, but I know someone who might really fancy it..”
    I beckoned downwards towards junior.

    • Shandi

      June 1, 2015 at 3:35 pm

      “Name has been changed to protect the innocent” Lol.

    • Ewa

      June 1, 2015 at 4:37 pm

      LMAO!!! You are a crazy dude

    • Temi

      June 1, 2015 at 6:46 pm

      You like that huh? LMFAOOOO I CANT BREATHE

  32. kay

    June 1, 2015 at 2:13 pm

    so my first kiss was nothing memorable but my first bf should be given the trophy for the worst kiss EVER!, dude be spraying saliva all over my face, i was pretty young and he was like 6years older so I kinda expected he would make all my M&B fantasies so real, imagine my disappointment! fast forward three years later, my uni crush took notice of me finally and there a sister was well schooled!
    right now i can confidently say i love kissing and if you are a bad kisser forget it even if you are the prince of Brunei himself , its a no no!
    atoke why are you sowing this thoughts in a girl’s head when she’s at work, damn i need to pee #coversface!

  33. Prec

    June 1, 2015 at 2:51 pm

    Mine was not the breath nor the saliva, nor the teeth, it’s been how intense they take it. Just imagine the sucking force of a vacuum to dirt, now apply that analogy to your lips. This one guy wanted to suck my lip off my face, I swear my lips were swollen when we were done. I should have just stopped it there, but I was doing ‘love is endurance’, let me just keep it PG and say I was soo sore at the end of that day, walking was an issue.

    • Easy n Gentle

      June 1, 2015 at 4:15 pm

      I didn’t get it at first read, I was processing vacuum-like kiss and bam! we are at so sore, didn’t quickly connect. And you say “this one guy”, I’m guessing there was no rematch

    • Chika

      June 1, 2015 at 5:06 pm

      I guess @Prec managed the kiss, hoping the main action would be better…. alas, not so much. LMAO

    • Chika

      June 1, 2015 at 5:02 pm

      LOL!!! Abeg don’t kill me. In the name of kissing, one dude sucked my tongue so much, it felt like my tongue had been castrated….

    • kike

      June 1, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      lmaoooo

  34. Fame

    June 1, 2015 at 2:52 pm

    It’s a shame some of the girls here have had bad experiences with kisses.

    Who lives in the Houston area and wants to hook up with me this weekend for movies, drinks and a kiss marathon?

    • Person

      June 1, 2015 at 6:39 pm

      Hookup invitation of liiiiffffee! If you were in the DMV now… but I’ve left promiscuity in the past *ROTFL* And biko, you didn’t specify sexual preferences. I’m just being a good Samaritan o. LMAO.

    • Fame

      June 1, 2015 at 8:22 pm

      Oh I’m a dude.

  35. Ocean Beauty

    June 1, 2015 at 3:23 pm

    Oga Iyke, no forget say Ocean fit quench wildfire. I am not called an “Ice Queen’ for nothing.
    Though I don’t understand your last sentence.
    #listeningtogoodkisser# In my mind Usher was referring to me in that song.

  36. Tk

    June 1, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    Oh Kiss Dr. everywhere. Feels like another she moment again. Who cheats? Guys. Worse kissers? Guys. Bad dressers? Guys. Bad breather? Guys. Pot belly? Guys. then who lies? probably guys too……lol. God dey watch you na o

  37. dobzi

    June 1, 2015 at 3:48 pm

    This is an awesome read, I’m definitely a closed eye kisser

    dobzifingers.com/?m=1

  38. Anna

    June 1, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    This kain article wan put someone for trouble ohh!! See as I just de reminisce on one tall fiiineee bobo like that. Our kisses were like the stars colliding, earthquake shaking, fireworks going off type chemistry… but it was not to be, so no more of those kisses for me. Praying that the next one I share that kind of chemistry with. As for bad kisses… eww I don’t even want to think about that one again. I just bless God that one no be my last busstop.
    God de sha. Let me just hold myself.

  39. Easy n Gentle

    June 1, 2015 at 4:03 pm

    Since we’re talking about this, Why is it that women’s breath has this sour smell when they have the hots for you and you’re yet to kiss them? This same smell is missing if you induced the ‘hots’ with your skills #Justwondering

  40. Imani

    June 1, 2015 at 4:07 pm

    I strongly feel that kissing is an art. It is not for the faint hearted. I also feel like a man who can kiss very well, like maneuver all the speed bumps while kissing with his eyes closed, can make love. I love to kiss with my eyes closed, and i know that i’m a very good kisser. Did i even learn this wonderful art? I think it just came naturally after kissing different frogs, plus the fact that i’m very adventurous. Sigh… give me a man who can take off all my clothes and rip my whole soul off just by kissing anyday anytime.

  41. Titi

    June 1, 2015 at 5:05 pm

    I once met a very handsome dude, with great physique. He was perfect until we kissed and ew, I hate to remember it. Besides not having the greatest of breaths, he did nothing but slobber. For me, I think the best thing about kissing is definitely great, minty, fresh breath. He doesn’t have to know the best techniques, he’s just got to have great breath. Plus, no slimy, slobbering, groping kisses. Abeg! I mean, Titi and slobbering kisses just don’t mix. I’ve got all the saliva I need, thank U very much.

  42. Danyel

    June 1, 2015 at 5:34 pm

    It has come to kissing matter everyone is claiming to be a very good kissed…..if everyone one is good at this special art of kissing then who are the bad ones……
    Sha i don’t know if i am a good kisser or a bad one since i have only just kissed once……

  43. missmoi

    June 1, 2015 at 7:04 pm

    Who has ever seen Alex Ekubo kiss? Choi! that dude eats up them lips like kpomo. I kissed a man I just recently started dating and in his words “My God! You kiss me senseless!”

    • Tola

      June 1, 2015 at 9:33 pm

      What about Gideon Okeke? When he kissed in When love happens, I didn’t envy the girl he was kissing. He was so….ugh! Not cool. OC was quite the opposite.

  44. Haha Atoke oooo....

    June 1, 2015 at 7:41 pm

    I can honestly say all those novels messed up my mind!!.. Seriously i think romance novels raises your standard so high that by the time you kiss and it doesn’t live up to your expectation, you get super disappointed. So sad!!.. .

    Moral of the story: Don’t let novels deceive you…..
    On the other hand, it’s awesome when your partner’s kiss makes your toes curl!! #whew i miss my baby

  45. Shirley Nash

    June 1, 2015 at 10:28 pm

    Hi Atoke, What are your feelings while kissing? What it’s the meaning of no teeth please?

  46. Demash

    June 1, 2015 at 11:48 pm

    Hmmm, the first kiss I had was with my wife just months after we started dating, it was in-between bland and nice – like a frozen bounty chocolate. Then years after getting married, got in an emotional affair with a Delta lady, who surprised me with the most disarming kiss ever. Suffice it say, I had to flee from her – not before having another bite of the cherry – and just about made it out that episode alive. Glad she’s happily married now and have banished thoughts of that experience from my subconscious.

  47. Papacy

    June 2, 2015 at 1:13 am

    I don’t think I’m bad ass in d kissing dept cos my exes never commented on it. I just know that the few times I was doing it right one thing stood out for both; that soft moan into my mouth. That sound! Once I hear it , gurl! U just woke the beast! Lol. God bless women o jare!

  48. Tosin

    June 2, 2015 at 5:01 am

    thank God for kissing. Baba God, you try well well.

  49. MissCaramelD

    June 2, 2015 at 11:13 am

    I’ve been lucky. All in all I’ve had great kissing experiences. My worst was bad breath. It was so bad I nearly cried. The stench washed over my face I just turned my head aside by force 🙁 I told the guy gently but he no gree.

    The best kiss I ever had I’m not lying my knees stopped working. It was like the suspension cables behind my legs were cut. I couldn’t even make it to the car without help. Hahahaha.

  50. portable

    June 2, 2015 at 3:55 pm

    My best kiss was with a dude that was out of reach. He didn’t look great, couldn’t speak right, had zero aspirations, non existence self control and no idea at all the other levels of foreplay but dude could kiss. Why! I knew I couldn’t date him but I just had to keep kissing him. Finally, I had sense and moved on. Didn’t forget though. He didn’t forget too. I’ve had to stop talking to him cos the few times we talk, all we talk about is how we used to kiss. #ThePriceofGrowingUp

  51. Louda

    June 2, 2015 at 4:57 pm

    Thinking of kissing now. Havent had one in a long while now. Hubby where is you nah. My first kiss with my first boyfriend was after my NYSC. Late bloomer like me. It was good but I didnt like the sounds he was making each time he was kissing me. Best kiss was once I had a fling with a naughty colleague, he kissed my lips and ears right, I ran cos he kept on bragging on how good he is in bed which was not in my plans, lol

  52. Fobilous

    June 2, 2015 at 11:09 pm

    Funny stuff, kissing is still yucky tho… With reference to G.O.T. White Walkers is the shiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! I’ve watched that fight 20 times…. That fine lady had to die tho, 🙁 , I’ve already made a scene for Her and Jon Snow… Well well, Kissing still is funny… Must it be tongues? How about rubbing ears, or scratching each others back? I really think our ancestors did theirs by Hugging.

  53. sweet girll

    June 5, 2015 at 2:27 pm

    O my .. Kissing if done right can make a virgin wanna just give in ! My first real boyfriend had the skill !!!! The first time we got together we kissed from 11pm to 6 am .. NO Sex .. in and out of sleep , soft light kisses and touches ,… Damn im het all hot and bothered….. We dated for 5 years but had to end that mehn …. #manchild alert…. Kissing is a skill we all need glad i got the right teacher 😉 ….

  54. Janet Blessing

    June 23, 2015 at 7:39 pm

    Phys…..lol. ur comment cracked me up big time

  55. dex

    July 3, 2015 at 9:55 pm

    Ur comments hv all been hiliarious. I close my eyes when kissing. love a good kisser and my bf is a wonderful kisser, d kind of kiss dt sends chills down my spine…

  56. Ever Green

    September 15, 2015 at 5:22 pm

    Let me share, my first kiss was just to sweet because Guy knows how to kiss, i was shivering and was covered with goose bumps and that was when i understand what they call body chemistry, it was one the best i ever had sha, we lost contact and guess what we are back together recently and I pray it end in a successful marriage.

    • Praying Mantis

      February 21, 2016 at 9:14 pm

      You have entered one chance. He will use you and waka pass

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