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Quincy Iwediokpulu: Why Are Nigerian Weddings Now So Expensive?

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dreamstime_l_24001034So I’ve come to make enquiries on behalf of our hardworking Nigerian men that wish to be married but just can’t afford the outrageous expenses of today’s weddings.

I’ve heard people argue that, because it is once in a lifetime experience, the couple must at least look and have their best on that day and when they say their best, they mean the best of everything.

And I agree.

However, getting married to me is still like celebrating birthdays-emphasis on the “to me” o, before some people would start screaming: “It is not the same thing nah!”-

Eh I know

But we also do know that celebrating birthdays are optional and in the situation where there is no money to celebrate it as we want, we simply just buy Orobo or Fanta and eat cabin biscuit. Imecha!

The earth does not stop revolving and neither does the new age fall to the ground.

You see, when my colleague had first asked this question, the first thought went through my mind was that the Nigerian economy is to blame. I mean look at me that has been procrastinating that I want to get a professional sewing machine since like forever.

Where I see the money?

Times are hard my brother”, I wanted to say to my colleagueIf the Naira to Dollar value is this inflated, it is thus noborri’s fault. You can’t expect the cost of weddings to be any less…Even just the wedding gown is exorbitant”.

Although I can already hear my brothers saying: Eh what about “Obioma” tailors? Can’t they just sew the wedding gown for her? Must we buy?…Even those people can do it better at a cheaper rate”

Eheemm…Sorry o! Please before I continue, I want to make an announcement.

 I WAS NOT HERE O!

Before people would start exchanging blows and they would nah-now say it was me.

But while I busy thinking all of these, my colleague insisted I pause my thoughts for a moment and before I knew what was happening, the Oga had pulled out two full-scalp sheet of the list his in-laws-to-be had given him and my people,  I had  no choice but to “Gunǫ” like the Edo people would say…. As in, Babana-babana….

Howbeit, it is unfortunate that these days, getting married is like organizing a charity affair for parents and extended family at large. In their defense, you may not understand what it had meant to have soiled- tooth and nail-to send that “Cherry pawpaw” you want to marry to school, clothe and feed her, so that she can be deemed marriageable not just by you but by other suitors as well. So when you show up to marry her, you should at least prove too, that you are worthy in the ‘Ukwuu ego’ department.

But to be honest with you, there are some parents/relatives that are just too damn greedy abeg.

Even me as a woman, afraid is catching me: Two full scalp sheet? Ogini kwanu?…Are we shopping for molue?

But anyway,on a lighter mood, I learnt that it could also be some kind of dubious ploy by the girl’s family to make you reconsider or give up totally especially if the family doesn’t like you. But so that it wouldn’t look like they are chasing away suitors (so as not to dissuade more prominent ones), they scare you first with a long list of itineraries and then watch as you and your family hoard over the bride price.

Hmmm…Nigeria sha…it is well with us.

Sometimes, I wonder why we can’t just be simple minded like the whites: couples walk into a church and with the presence of two other witnesses who don’t necessary have to be family members(Okay…now, I think I watch too many movies but then, you get my drift) they get married.

Imecha!

No need for all the loud speakers and Kpagolo musicians.

But unfortunately in some parts of Nigeria, it is necessary to even plan the engagement ceremony -In Benin, engagement ceremonies are easily confused with traditional ceremonies sef. Sometimes, people have no idea what they are going for until they get there. So you can imagine walking into the event and asking, only to find even more confused faces staring right back at you- And then of course, there has to be a traditional wedding and then white/church wedding(which for some non-Christian individuals is optional) and then the court marriage….and then….. #sighs.

But then the truth is that, there is an age a woman would get that all these noise-making activities would not be necessary. All the family wants is for you to come and carry their daughter and go. They wouldn’t even mind funding the wedding for you. I’m sure it’s those kinds of weddings our Bobos fast and pray for, hence all their “Soon baby…soon”

Abeg keep fasting and praying o but while you are at it, biko make sure you include the anointing to have children after menopause.

This even reminds me, please I want to use this medium to beg our sisters on behalf of our brothers.

Aunties, I know you have dreams and ambitions to have a grand wedding like Osas Ighodaro and the Former President, Goodluck Jonathan’s daughter. As matter of fact you have been dreaming this dream like since. But you see the thing is, not everyone gets to have exactly what they want.

And like the popular saying goes, “it is better to plan for a marriage than to plan for a wedding”.

As for me…any which way na way

But what about you my darlings, what’s your own take on this issue? As a woman do you think it’s more important for you to have your dream wedding at any cost? Would you settle for less?

And by the way, why do you think weddings of today are  extremely expensive?

Would love to know your thoughts!

Photo Credit: Dreamtime | Robert Byron

Quincy Iwediokpulu is an Upcoming writer, fashion designer and an Accountant by profession. she owns and manage a blog called “The Q EFFECTZ” @ https://www.theqeffectz.com where she teaches interested individuals how to make cloth patterns, D.I.Ys and also likes to gist about life issues

97 Comments

  1. jasmine

    October 28, 2015 at 7:26 pm

    Long story. If I have the money or my husband, we will spend it o. No time

  2. charles

    October 28, 2015 at 7:39 pm

    Nigerians will spend millions on booze,flexing, weddings & parties over the weekend . . Meet them on Monday & ask how business, you will hear “we just dey push am”, “we dey manage my sister/brother”. . .They’ll act like they are just barely getting on with life, but all na scope. . .I love my people sha

  3. kili

    October 28, 2015 at 7:54 pm

    The one that surprises me is how parents fall out money for weddings. Lol. You start to wonder “but Daddy said he doesn’t have money”

    • ATL's finest

      October 28, 2015 at 8:38 pm

      @ Kill lmao ” daddy said he doesn’t have money”. Don’t forget when people get married these days, eve the parents are more excited than their kids. In short, den go turn am ttheir own grove. Talking of in-laws & list .. My cousin got married back in Nigeria and we all flew down to attend. Mind U, I have been out of the Country since I was 14yrs old. The weddings I attend here, I don’t get to see the dowry payment. Mmm but my cousins own, I saw everything . lo & behold I almost past OUT. Even my cousin that was getting married was abt to cry for her hubby! U Don see list???? I couldn’t believe everything they brought including 5-6 huge boxes of beautiful fabrics that she picked herself.. Oh let’s not talk of the $$$ & Naira on top of it. That list alone is enough for the Groom to have high BP.

  4. Ghostmode

    October 28, 2015 at 7:55 pm

    If you can afford it then no wahala. My issue is with those that borrow from Africa for a wedding!! They will even be quarreling with you if you don’t contribute as if its all of us doing the wedding. Also Its just so wrong to start off a married life on debts when its not a mortgage for a property or investment with future returns. As for me i will rather spend money on milestone wedding anniversaries than my wedding.

  5. Jagbajantis

    October 28, 2015 at 8:02 pm

    As superficial as it sounds, the Morris Chestnut movie The Best Man (the first part) started this super-wedding craze and changed the ways weddings in Nigeria were conducted forever.
    Growing up in the 80s and 90s, weddings were drab and relatively inexpensive. The bride wore a gown crafted in a lab in Aba, and the groom’s coat looked like a magician’s costume.
    Forget calling a comedian like Basketmouth or entertainers like Wiz Kid and co, to come and perform at the reception. Back then, your deadbeat Uncle or some male older relative/in law was the compere. You were lucky if he did not spill half of your family secret in his drunken stupor.

    When did buffets even become popular? Back in the day, the food was prepared by agonyi woman or your aunt and older female members of your family. They cooked the Nigerian wedding staple – jollof rice, with a dice of moi moi and fried chicken. If you lot were well-off, the salad would be included, or the more affluent guests could be served a super-pack. The food was then pre-packaged into small plastic bowl with a lids. Once it was time for refreshment, the servers dished the packs line by line. If you were at the back, you had the bad luck of receiving the last bowls to be packed as food was running out which may be missing meat, moi moi or both. Who born you?

    And you can forget small chops, bottles of champagne and the lot. If you were not on the high table where the wedding VIP and chairman was seated, you did not receive a premium alcoholic beverage. And in the 80s and 90s, the wedding cake was divided into small morsels no bigger than a mouthful. There is a fraction below minute or miniscule, called kinkili. That was how small it was.

    What about the halls? Forget all these fancy decorations you see now, or all these specially built super halls. Back then, the highest place you could get was National Theatre. Below that rung which was more common, were church halls, or a school assembly hall, and I have even seen wedding receptions held at the bride’s dad’s home.

    And what about photography? The man taking pictures was usually an artisan who had known the families from youth and whom the couple called “Uncle Benji” or something. He was the one who took baby photos of one of the couple at birth, common entrance pass port photographs and the family portraits. He was not some fancy Dan photographer who used some high spec camera and charged higher spec money.

    So from the above, the bride and groom had already saved on food, photography wedding gear and entertainment.

    And guess what, despite this, people’s marriages still lasted for long.

    The main thing is to do what you can afford. It is ridiculous to enter debts paying for a high profile wedding when you as a coup[e still have bigger fish to fry post-wedding day

    • BlueEyed

      October 28, 2015 at 8:49 pm

      I actually found your comment way more entertaining than the poster’s write up.
      On the issue of Nigerian weddings and expenses I mean haven’t we beaten this horse enough?

    • Wale

      October 28, 2015 at 8:54 pm

      So very correct!

    • Enilicious

      October 28, 2015 at 9:39 pm

      Thank Jagbajantis…. am planning my wedding and the price i hear for decor and photography is outrageous. u forgot to mention souvenirs sef, these days na fridge, microwave, cars and iPhone 6 or 6s gold platted if possible na e be gifts ooo.. those days na trays and plastic cups.

    • life after marriage

      October 29, 2015 at 10:43 am

      Just look for a good upcoming photographer who will collect 100k or less for photograph and video sef. As for souv, ask your sisters, friends to accompany you to lagos island and buy something there, no time for iphone souv, are you the president’s child? Besides, i don’t think people will even expect much from your end as per souv, your siblings, relatives and inlaws will share on your behalf, just find something you can afford. We have over flogged this nigerian expensive weddings, so to each his own. You can still have a budget friendly wedding that is classy, there is life after marriage abeg.

    • Sarah

      October 28, 2015 at 9:41 pm

      lol!!!!

    • NaijaPikin

      October 28, 2015 at 9:48 pm

      Oh how could you miss changing 20x. I mean brides change outfits so many times they end up missing half of the wedding.

      Some tips to save money
      1. When you call your vendors, don’t tell them it’s a wedding, just tell them its a thanksgiving, party, family celebration. Honestly it’s like once they hear wedding price triples.

      2. Not sure about naija,but in yankee, you can do a lot of the planning yourself and just opt to get a day of coordinator. These days Instagram hashtags can help you locate vendors in different cities easily. if you start planning early, you’ll have enough time to explore various options.

      3. Guest list: If you haven’t communicated with someone within 3 months (max of 6 months) do they really need to be at your wedding? I’ll leave communication open (fb, ig, phone call, text, email, whatsapp, bb)

      4. Think through things. Are you doing things because they make sense or because everyone else is doing it?
      Do your bridesmaids really need bouquets?
      Do you really need a 2nd dress for reception outfit? (or is your initial dress pretty comfortable?
      Do you really need a limo? Or can a friend/driver just drive you and husby in your car?
      if you are in yankee, do you really need a comedian? or can a friend guide guests through flow of events?
      If you have a banging DJ, do you really need a band (they will even cut into your spraying money. lol?)
      In this age of technology, do you need to send paper invites to everyone or can you save costs doing electronic invites to young folks and paper invites to agbalagbas
      How many times will you actually watch your wedding video? If it’s once or twice, do you really need the most expensive person or will anyone who can comfortably use a video camera suffice?

    • molarah

      October 29, 2015 at 11:11 am

      Loads of sense here. You and Jagbajantis need your own full-length articles.

      But just that guest list thing o. 6 months’ ke? That non-invitation to weddings has turned best friends into sworn enemies. Please abeg just leave the open invitations the way they are.

    • larz

      October 29, 2015 at 1:15 pm

      Hahaha. I never watched my wedding video and it has been 8 months. I am sure I will year from now. But guess what? There will be better technology then, better everything. Our parents used video cassette. Now we have HD quality blue ray DVDs. I am sure there will be 3D video coverage very soon.

      Someone mentioned that why cant we be subtle like white ppl. The fact is there are elaborate and played down weddings at different income bracket in the Western world. The difference is acceptance. It is ok for Richard Branson’s son to get married with family (just nuclear) and close friends. 2 ppl if he want. Ppl wont complain that they are being selfish or in financial difficulties. And Jack and Anne Smith can have just their parents and one friends each at the wedding. It is not defined by society or a social statement but it is a way to honour the wished of the bride and groom. And being absence at their wedding can be a honour too.

    • Tk

      October 28, 2015 at 11:05 pm

      Loooool this had me rolling especially the deadbeat uncle spilling all the family’s secrets

    • Tosin

      October 29, 2015 at 12:27 am

      magician’s costume! 😀
      and i remember the packs of jollof 🙂
      but they were still expensive sha o. Sunny Ade and all kinds of live music, sometimes three in the same hall loool.

    • Thatgidigirl

      October 29, 2015 at 12:32 am

      Looool! You have to write something for bells naija pls

    • *curious*

      October 29, 2015 at 4:48 am

      @ jagbajantis: lmbo! love your comment

    • Ene

      October 29, 2015 at 6:32 am

      I remember visitin my friend sometimes in the 90s and.a reception was being held in theie compound.The eba dey served was made in my presence sef and that was when the couple came back from the Church.No hall fee,No caterer.Even the brides hair was washing and setting.

    • Nekky

      October 29, 2015 at 7:01 am

      OMG! I love me some Jagbajantis.

    • Ann

      October 29, 2015 at 10:09 am

      Rotflmao… I have an uncle Benji…!!! loooooool……this comment is on point!!

    • Ruth Dulac

      October 29, 2015 at 10:21 am

      Well, for real your article is the real deal. And what you said was all truth!

    • Missappleberry

      October 29, 2015 at 11:27 am

      BN, can you just copy and paste this comment as new article on your blog??? Thanks in advance 😀

    • reminisce

      October 30, 2015 at 5:19 am

      Your drscripdescriptions/illustrations are sooo good I pictured everything perfectly.

  6. Author Unknown

    October 28, 2015 at 8:23 pm

    BellaNaija is partly to blame people. Forever showcasing expensive weddings. Now everyone wants to top it, in their keeping up with the Joneses mentality. Some cultures are literally selling off their daughters, hence the expense from a traditional standpoint. At the end of the day, elitist weddings don’t represent the average naija wedding. Can we be done with this wedding ish every other day?

    • Destiny

      October 29, 2015 at 3:37 am

      I mean! Show us a beautiful low-cost wedding every now and again

    • MISSBEE

      October 29, 2015 at 9:11 am

      i agree too, bellanaija wedding features can fit to give somebody hypertension. i saw a feature on BN where the bride wore 3 different very colorful asooke and i sed kilodeeeeeee! naija pple like to oppress and BN helps them a lot and u almost feel like if u havnt done those things, u hvnt arrived. BN should also feature low budget weddings were the vendors are not the big names but they still do good work.

  7. ibinabo

    October 28, 2015 at 8:24 pm

    On the bright side, the wedding industry has employed a lot of people that might have been jobless. Talk about MUAs, cocktail mixers, asoebi suppliers etc. It is good that they are self employed rather than wait for the non-existent office jobs. I can’t knock anyone’s hustle provided it is legit. On the other hand, everyone cut your coat according to your size( or even your cloth) if you can’t afford a Vera Wang gown why not but April by Kunbi or wear a pre-owned dress.

    • Xtophar

      October 29, 2015 at 2:24 pm

      My sister, you’re on point. I stumbled on this chick on IG, @bridesownsecrets. She’s an upcoming wedding stylist that rents designer wedding gowns. Was very sceptical initially but I sha went to see what she had and boy was I blown away! I’m wearing an original Pronovias Festin for less than 50k on my big day in Dec and I am soooo happy. Na the marriage matter, not the wedding day.

  8. nene'sma

    October 28, 2015 at 8:52 pm

    Le boo proposed to me on Mother’s day 2014, we started planning for a December wedding,I dreamt of how picture perfect everything will be “at the trad only swallow and boli will be served, native music Played while at the white only slow songs, will do a father daughter dance, first dance, throw garter, serve different types of rice(no swallow), have a flower arch at the entrance of the reception, drink will followe the colour theme which was champagne gold etc…in April while in law school I found out I was pregnant and my EDD was december, we had to get married right away so during my hols in July, we did the intro and decided august 30th for the wedding,my dad didn’t want us to travel(by sea) for trad as it was risky for a pregnant woman to travel via “flying boat” so we decided to do the trad in Ph…long story short, after the dreams, I ended up doing my civil(church refused wedding us until after delivery. And I didn’t want a child out of wedlock) and traditional marriage same day and reception was in dad’s compound. I rented a wedding dress(instead of the designer dress I had in mind)… at the end of the day, we were Mr$Mrs A…. I decided to let the dream all go for an impromptu wedding, I didn’t die,we can still have that at our 5 or 10yrs anniversary. And lemme add that it was a wise decision because baby came early (8th December) who woulda had the time and strength to plan wedding for ending of december?

  9. bruno

    October 28, 2015 at 8:52 pm

    nigerians brides are to blame for expensive weddings.
    many nigerian women, their style and taste is outrageous and over the top. many nigerian women believe a big wedding is a perfect way to rub it in the faces of ur enemies and haters

    bellanaija u sef, u love big expensive weddings. u believe the bigger the wedding the better. I usually feel ur excitement thru the screen when the wedding is big.

    to me big expensive weddings are tacky and very old fashioned. a big cinderella wedding gown, a long bridal train full of ur friends wearing ugly bridesmaid’s dresses, a huge gigantic cake that nobodies ever gets to eat, a long guest list of people u dont even know personally, just tacky tacky tacky and very old fashion.

    a simple intimate wedding with close friends and family is a modern way to get married.no bridal train or best men or any of that shit. nigerians pls change ur ways.

    • Holy Spirit

      October 28, 2015 at 9:52 pm

      Bruno, thanks.

      Thanks for being honest. Thanks.

    • mrs chidukane

      October 28, 2015 at 10:00 pm

      You know Bruno, that thought always runs through my mind whenever I watch Cake Boss. Who gets to eat those giant cakes? What happens after the people at the event are done?

    • S!

      October 29, 2015 at 7:07 pm

      Americans actually share the wedding cake. During Buddy’s consultation he always asking the amount of guest so he’ll know the size to make. But the new thing in Nigeria now is to get a dessert caterer. That one serves different things and the cake is just there for decoration and couples first assignment of feeding. At the end of the day, the couples family starts looking for who to help dispose the cake.

    • Tosin

      October 29, 2015 at 12:31 am

      i will now be wearing white virgin dress at this my old age…ho is really deceiving who?
      😉

    • Ant

      October 29, 2015 at 3:15 am

      For once, I agree with you Bruno. And thanks for making more constructive comments the last little while.

    • JADE

      October 29, 2015 at 10:12 am

      Its not always the woman’s fault tho, i hate big wedding an i wanted a small gathering of just family and close friends, not more than 70-100 people but my fiance wants to invite everybody he knows, his list has almost 700 people in it, you can imagine the zoo the reception will look like!

    • MEE

      October 29, 2015 at 11:56 am

      I agree with you. I also like small weddings without too much noise. My own issue is even parents and in-laws who want to invite the whole world, especially when you’re the first child getting married.

    • Mz Titilitious

      October 29, 2015 at 12:48 pm

      LMAO you are wicked!

  10. booth

    October 28, 2015 at 10:35 pm

    It’s ironic that Bellanaija is asking this question when you have contributes to this superfluous wedding mentally with your blog and instagram page.

    • Oyindee

      October 29, 2015 at 7:14 am

      Come here,,,that’s a big bear hug,the nerve of BN to rant off about expensive weddings when all we hear on here is bridal shower in Paris, intro in New York,Church wedding in Germany and reception in Canada…abeg shift

  11. booth

    October 28, 2015 at 10:36 pm

    contributed*

  12. nwa nna

    October 28, 2015 at 10:37 pm

    9ja wedding na show off…. It’s a look at me kind of affair, always trying to top the last wedding that took place… Gotta luv my 9ja peeps 😀

  13. NNE

    October 28, 2015 at 10:39 pm

    LOL, you just took me back to the days…and I really looked forward to the weddings then….

  14. GirlFromIpanema

    October 28, 2015 at 10:55 pm

    I have always wanted a big wedding,I have saved up for it to the last detail all budgeted for…..And then all of a sudden in the last few months,every church I visit,no matter how packed I get picked out and warned not to have a big wedding!

    I am beyond sad and angry…but I know different people,who don’t know me cannot be lying to me as they have nothing to gain from it…..but as the stubborn goat I am,I am still unhappy about it!

    My dream wedding have been snatched away from me and I have been trying to ring God to have a dialogue,perhaps we can negotiate 🙂 maybe I can comprise -like get Kasali to take pictures instead of Atunbi photo…or get sister Rhoda from church to do my makeup instead of BMPro (true talk,can’t afford BMPro make I no lie) but you get the gist.

    All in all God is not available for comment on why His faithful daughter have been robbed of a childhood dream sha…but who am I to question God 🙁

    • p

      October 29, 2015 at 12:02 am

      Please don’t do it. You are even blessed to have a warning.

      Below are the list of things that could go wrong:

      1. Death of anyone before the wedding
      2. Maimimg of anyone before the wedding
      3. Bad incidents happen to other people on account of the wedding
      4. No child for 50 years
      5. Giving birth to miscreants and misfits
      6. Giving birth to children who will later hurt you physically or financialy
      7. Dying during childbirth
      8. Having an unhealthy child
      9. Having an unhealthy child that will destroy the marriage
      10. Financial stress that could destroy the marriage
      11. Childbirth temporary or permanent complications
      12. CS=few children=hbp over the few=strange selfish behaviour
      13.Having a disabled child that will stress your life forever
      14. And that of the siblings, only one life o
      15.Human error at the wedding that could lead to witches setting time bombs for you
      16. Doing by ‘aye’ that could lead to pain in old age for aprents-diseases, surgery, unbearable illness/pains/sadness
      17. Having financial crisis that will cause the children to focus on getting the lost bliss back when older
      18.Domestic violence/abuse leading to psychological disability for the children
      19.Purely sad existence just because of one single day of eating and drinking
      20.Lost souls, begging in hell forever for just one more chance

      DON’T DO IT PLS!!!fast and pray!

    • AA

      October 29, 2015 at 2:05 am

      I am sorry but how does your list happen as a result of the type of wedding she has. These are challenges that come with life and not necessarily as a result of something you will do or did….my thoughts

    • Babym

      October 29, 2015 at 2:29 am

      Blood of Jesus! R u an agent of doom? Tufiakwa!!!! Which kind talk be this, abeg stop it joor, why r u scaring her because she wants a big wedding. God is not wicked o. Just stop the madness!

    • seun

      October 29, 2015 at 2:53 am

      ????

    • TK

      October 29, 2015 at 5:18 am

      I know you mean well for her, hoping you do anyways. But it may just be that it may lead to debt afterwards or financial issues in the marriage. At least that’s what I think, but all this your morbid tales are… well I think are read too deep

    • p

      October 29, 2015 at 2:11 am

      If you have ever felt evil, then don’t do loud weddings.

      David was okay until some women started singing his praise e.g. Saul killed 1,000, David 10,000

      Elijah announced rain and he had to pray and check SEVEN times before he could see a tiny cloud.

      During the calling down of fire, he prayed easily and fire descended FULLY. Because he didn’t announce it in advance.

      Evil can enter samll or big but its fruits in any life or lives are …. Anyway, whatever you want. I won’t bear the repercussion of the bad, only the good.

    • Babym

      October 29, 2015 at 2:35 am

      My dear, u must understand that God wants u to be happy, God is not an author of confusion, God can never want to rob you of your childhood dreams. God is not wicked and unreasonable. If you desire a big wedding, so long as it is the will of God, you will have a beautiful big wedding. Church folks can be very funny, now who told you God does not want this for u? Church folk? Listen to God o not church folk. So long as u have peace over it, God has spoken. I wish u the very best at ur wedding, big or small and a lovely marriage.

    • Soph

      November 1, 2015 at 5:22 pm

      Please tell them! i’m even scared of replying that babe’s comment because i don’t know who in their right senses would list a bunch of destiny killers and blame it on having a big wedding. What if the same witch appears at your small wedding? please people should stop thinking with their butt holes and let people throw whatsoever wedding they want. Because sister jane had a lavish wedding and now can’t give birth or her kids don’t do well in school does not mean it was cos she had a huge wedding. So whether its a guest list of 10 or guest list of 500, everyone should endeavour to pray fervently before and after their wedding day. simple. please people should stop spitting dust here. x

    • Destiny

      October 29, 2015 at 3:42 am

      All these men of God telling you not have. Big wedding, do they tell you the reason why? Is it wrong if you pray and find out what God is saying to you ?

    • Reply to GirlFromIpanema

      October 29, 2015 at 5:32 am

      Please don’t accept BabyM’s comment o! You have been warned. Do not do that big wedding please. I don’t know you but upon reading your comment, I felt I should reiterate it again. Do not do it. I was also warned during my wedding not to do a Big wedding. I agreed but my mum wanted a big one. I had to undergo deliverance prayers before and after the wedding. Please just heed the warning and don’t do it Big.

      You don’t want to start saying, I wish I had listened. Please o!

    • MISSBEE

      October 29, 2015 at 9:25 am

      my dear, its better u do the small wedding and have a happy marriage. same thing happened to my sis, she was warned severally about doing a big wedding, we were all heart broken but our mum advised it was better. truth is that when u do the big wedding where u spend millions to fed and satisfy family and friends (cuz the big wedding is for them) and then u start to have issues in ur marriage due to ur disobedience, where will all those family and friends that made u enter the issue be? then u will start to spend another round of money visiting pastor and mountains to get urself out of it.

      if u are warned against big wedding, do a small wedding and save ur money, better still use it to compensate urself, u can go on a long honeymoon, buy a stupidly expensive ring, buy a car or even a land. u would have have a better asset/investment and save urself from issues instead of spending the money to please people and still enter wahala.

    • Zeeebby

      October 29, 2015 at 10:57 am

      Wow… That sounds scary. I personally don’t ALWAYS believe in all these “God said you should not do this and that” I am a Christian so you people should calm down. I am a strong believer in personal relationship with God, God is not a gossip so I strongly believe that before He will start to send people to you He would have spoken to you….Maybe you are just not listening….Go to Your FATHER and listen well…Search yourself and be completely honest… I also think you should involve your partner as well. You guys should pray about it. It might not even be a dooms message …..Don’t let people scare you

    • Tosin

      November 1, 2015 at 10:03 pm

      “warned against big wedding” – deez a very new sumtin to me. loooool. my pipu, connie man die…

    • larz

      October 29, 2015 at 1:28 pm

      I am skeptical about these vision things but dear if you believe it then I say drop wedding matter and do a kick azzz 5/ 10 yr anniversary.

      Your wedding can still be tasteful. Get all you want but with a small crowd. I had a fab wedding with just 30 ppl (a bummer really cuz I wanted 20) but it was fun. I got my dress, cake, beautiful car and a lovely table setting (no high table. People that saw the pictures thought it was a big wedding. I will prbly do a 5/10 yr thing in the future as hubby and our family want something big.

  15. so wrong

    October 29, 2015 at 12:26 am

    I just saw the video of Mr Nnamdi making treasonable statements. What made me happy is the fact that, the elderly igbo men present at the meeting were reasonable and highly respected people. They didn’t allow him to incite them to do his bidding… Am happy this issue is addressed at an early stage…Here is the link naijaloaded.com.ng/2015/10/28/video-this-might-be-the-reason-he-was-arrested-radio-biafras-nnamdi-kanu-soliciting-for-guns-to-fight-nigeria/

  16. Honey

    October 29, 2015 at 1:48 am

    My fiance and I have decided to cut our mere $50000 traditional and wedding budget, to $10,000, yes, 10 thousand, and have a small intimate Beyonce style wedding at a relatives mansion with 60 friends and family guest only. We want to save the money for down payment on a new house and use rest as savings for our future kids private boarding schools education. Yes we both have top jobs in a bank and oil company and can afford it up $65k even (after 3yrs savings and our parents support) , but we refuse to succumb to this vain nonsense. We will not be impressing anybody not even family or friends. We want to impress our future kids. I know I’ll loose some “acquaintance but I don’t care. Thanks to great advice from my mom.

    • RIFF RAFF

      October 29, 2015 at 8:27 am

      GOD ABUNDANTLY BLESS YOUR WISE MOM. Everyone wants to keep up with them fake Joneses forgetting that those same Joneses will be nowhere to be seen the day you will go thru crisis. People do not understand that these Joneses are only there for the parties and good times; they dissappear when the going gets tough. May your union be blessed, sweeheart.

    • MISSBEE

      October 29, 2015 at 9:29 am

      GOD bless u jare. save ur money for better things instead of spending it to please people

  17. Boring weddings

    October 29, 2015 at 1:55 am

    BN you caused this big and expensive wedding craze.. I mean you even have an asoebibella account which has also created competition between wedding guests.
    To each their own but it’s getting quite redundant seeing identical brides and weddings. Same events planner, wedding dress designer, bridesmaids dresses, MUAs, locations, photographers, performers… Like please!! It’s enough.
    I promise you, life will go on if BN don’t post pictures of your wedding or proposal. Contentment is so important with this new generation of brides.

    • beetee

      October 30, 2015 at 2:13 pm

      Sincerely I don’t think it’s just weddings now. Most Nigerians now have this ‘keeping up with the Jones spirit’ in them, most peeps want to appear beta than their neighbour, incurring unnecessary debts, wasting money, no savings/investments just because you want to feel among….

  18. Viviana

    October 29, 2015 at 1:56 am

    Weddings are expensive for those who want to keep up with the joneses. I recall not too long ago there was a beach wedding featured on Bella Naija. It looked lovely, affordable, and eveyone looked happy. Bottom line no one is forcing you to have an extravagant wedding. Cut your cloth according to your size. If all you can afford is puff puff and Suya, make it the most delicious puff and puff and Suya ever.

    • DD

      October 29, 2015 at 8:59 am

      Well said!! I agree 110%.

  19. p

    October 29, 2015 at 2:11 am

    If you have ever felt evil, then don’t do loud weddings.

    David was okay until some women started singing his praise e.g. Saul killed 1,000, David 10,000

    Elijah announced rain and he had to pray and check SEVEN times before he could see a tiny cloud.

    During the calling down of fire, he prayed easily and fire descended FULLY. Because he didn’t announce it in advance.

    Evil can enter samll or big but its fruits in any life or lives are …. Anyway, whatever you want. I won’t bear the repercussion of the bad, only the good.

  20. kemkem

    October 29, 2015 at 3:36 am

    I’ll be getting married in December and i was just speaking about this whole Nigerian wedding issue with some friends a few hours ago.

    One major thing I’ve learnt from this wedding planning process is that Nigerians are really suffering from the “I must to belong” syndrome. Most of the things/vendors we choose are primarily so that people will say “this person did her make-up” or this person did the catering.

    People give you ridiculous quotes as soon as they hear wedding and will now be telling you “that”s the standard price” Babanla Iro!!. If you actually do your research you”ll find that you can get some really good quality services for a fraction of the price that some of these popular vendors quote but most people are more concerned about what others will think. 70% of the people you are trying to impress will not even remember your wedding anniversary.

  21. Dee

    October 29, 2015 at 6:32 am

    Bella naija weddings shouldn’t be blamed. It is supposed to be there for inspiration. So you and I can take ideas from them. It is not to try to kill ourselves to meet up.

    As an event decorator, you see people coming with smaller budgets but asking for the exact things they see on BN and they take offence when you tell them it is impossible.

    Vendors too should calm down, you can’t over price yourself because you have 5k followers on instagram.

  22. Martha

    October 29, 2015 at 9:31 am

    very interesting comments. it will be also good for BN to be posting simple weeding ceremonies to further inspire people on having a simple weeding.

  23. Babes go carry last

    October 29, 2015 at 9:31 am

    Na babes go carry last at the end

    The guys will tell you they are saving for that big/dream wedding you want
    1year pass, he’s still saving
    5 years pass, he’s still saving
    7 years pass, he’s still saving

    if One cute chic waka come, who doesnt like all dose serenre and hin marry am on the spot, no get heart attack o!

  24. mywifeisfiiiiiiine

    October 29, 2015 at 9:56 am

    The people that have money are not shaking to spend money on wedding o, make I hear say Otedola go shake when dj Cupp wan marry. The problem is with ordinary folks like us who want to do Otedola style wedding on a salary earner income. You cannot be living Ace of spade lifestyle on a beer income, be wise. Wedding na one day, marriage na lifetime; enough said for the wise.

  25. Tunrayo

    October 29, 2015 at 10:46 am

    If you have a big family and they want to invite their friends, the number of guests increases. We know that if the number of guests are many, you’ll just have to spend more on the wedding.

    All the weddings online increases the expectations of we, ladies to have a grand wedding. I would say cut your coat according to your cloth. You don’t have to spend a lot of money on your wedding if you don’t have.

  26. Zeeebby

    October 29, 2015 at 10:47 am

    I want a very simple wedding…. infact I just want a very intimate wedding. 5o -60 people…. long table where we can all seat and have a good meal…. goooood music and jokes, No bridesmaids. Take good pictures and everybody will go home. I HAVE MENTIONED THIS TO MY MOTHER TWICE AND I ALMOST DIED TWICE…..SHE ALMOST KILLED ME. The first thing she said was ” MO KO, OLORUN ONI JE, AH NI RA PADA SI BUBURU…ORI BURUKU ONSHE TEMI” which means ” I REJECT IT, GOD FORBID, MAY WE NOT REGRESS IN LIFE, BAD LUCK IS NOT MY PORTION”

    So do I want a Big wedding? NO am I going to get a big wedding? YES…. I am not paying for it soooo….

  27. BN, why?

    October 29, 2015 at 11:30 am

    in other news, Bella Naija, why did you take down the “Is Toke ready to Start Over?” article? Did someone threaten to sue?

  28. xxx

    October 29, 2015 at 11:46 am

    As the first daughter of a Yoruba chief, my parents especially my dad wanted a big wedding. He requested for 200 invitation cards for only his guest. I was like that is the whole guest. It was a fight about how i want to disgrace him. I had to remind him it was my wedding and not his.

    I planned the whole wedding, no wedding planner, no exorbitant priced photographer nor videographer. Because i just didn’t see the need for an overly priced wedding, we go chop after wedding 150 guests in all.. It is okay to want big weddings but don’t forget there is life after wedding, it is just a ceremony, invest in your marriage & ur future. Social media has placed alot of pressure on young ladies and the need to outdo one another. Nobody cares, they’ll aaawwww at your pics and unto the next one. Even your wedding gown will sit in ur closet except you resell and well, how many girls will buy a reused gown.

  29. Mercygal

    October 29, 2015 at 11:59 am

    WOW!!!!! I HAVE REALLY LEARNT ALOT, AND FUNNY COMMENTS INCLUSIVE…LOL

  30. JJ

    October 29, 2015 at 12:05 pm

    M 2. Always wished the big wedding things, but i cant………………………plz dont do the big wedding as warned; mine was even more stern………………………… dont play music and dont call people for your wedding/introduction; if you do you will not last in the marriage/ have kids……………………………………………

  31. Blueberry

    October 29, 2015 at 12:07 pm

    You need to be reasonable in this day and time. Spending money on a wedding when you can´t afford it is putting yourself in serious financial stress post-wedding days.

    My wedding was a really simple one. No paper invitations. We sent E-mails with DIY e-invitations to our guests. No pre-wedding shoot. We sorted out and used old pictures we took together when we went on vacation and to events. Had one bridesmaid who happened to be my witness during the court wedding as well. Same for my husband. We invited 50 guests. Got the photographing services of a good friend (actually a classmate at University, who happens to do that as a hobby). He charged us close to nothing. Videos were shot by my sister´s husband. Food: My mom, friend´s mom and my husband´s aunt organized the cooking down to the buffet service at the restaurant. Venue: A restaurant was reserved for 50 guests (excluding their catering services). Drinks were bought by daddy and my father in law. Decoration was not required (most restaurants already look good without) appart from a vase of flowers per table. The Cake: Done by a friend who just looooooves baking as a hobby. What she did wasn´t your ideal wedding cake, but it was so delicious. She did it free of charge. Today she does it on order for birthdays and co. We did not require music to dance. The background music in the restaurant was enough and honestly we were more of a chatty lot…stories and laughter guaranteed. My dress, elegant and not expenssive (Less is more). Ordered on a website. MUA and Hair done by my husband´s cousin who owns a beauty salon. This too, free of charge. All in all, we spent about 5000$ for one memorable day. Your costs are cut down when you make use of the gifts of those people in your entourage. The amazing thing is, they are always ready to help if you ask.

  32. c

    October 29, 2015 at 1:41 pm

    I av always dreaded the big Nigerian wedding cos of the huge sum of money involved, I had a very simple court wedding with about 20 guest, did the cooking n packed it my self, sis inlaw helped with my dress n shoes from uk, (free of charge) served my guest d food after d registry n thanked all for coming, gbam I am married o…..had our honey moon in Paris n Amsterdam, family members started raising eye brow, Buh can’t be bordered anyone who is not happy can goan hug transformer ,will rather invest my money n save my parents d financial stress

  33. Mabinuori

    October 29, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    Jagbajatis got it all. I can’t stop laughing and remembering those days jare.

    The most ridiculous one these days is the craze for aso ebi. You give me aso ebi of 100k and its looking like “you have to buy” and I ask why? To show “solidarity” i abi?……And guess what? A lot of people end up chopping gbese for aso ebi because they want to belong. Forgerring to “se bi o ti mo! Aso ebi is aso ebi. any day! The day you wanna wear your 100k aso ebi out, you will have like 20 people wearing same!

    Come to think of it, Aso ebi means “family uniform” and should be meant for only the “ebis” at least to identify the family members..abi ki le feel?

    I have made up my mind to stop buying aso ebi jo. weda its 3k or 100k. No give me rice and souvenir if you like. I will still pray and wish you well.

  34. udyluv

    October 29, 2015 at 7:07 pm

    The comments are quite interesting. As for me, simple but yet classic will do.

  35. momo karbo.

    October 29, 2015 at 7:08 pm

    So called big weddings never last that long anyway. Foolish spending o scarce resources. A loving African woman, will tell you not to spend your money, not to worry about that awful white dress, just to go and ask her hand in marriage, from her parents. I myself have always seen it as quite unnecessary and fake. The only thing that matters, is just the two of you. Love can never be bought, it comes straight from the heart and soul. You love someone not for any particular reason, but for everything that person is. There is no monetary value you can place on that, but two loving souls. Certainly, people are going to have opinions about you, even so, the only one that matters is the one you have about yourself. Live for you, and not through the dictates of others. Take it from an African man that got married to this beautiful soul, almost five decades ago. Loving someone truly has no respect for time that has elapsed. It still seems like yesterday. My dowry to her parents was less than forty dollars. The only people that were present were his uncle, mother, my father and my younger.brother. She is the most important person in my life, my only confidant and my best friend. Money is not the key, the big time marriages are merely a sound off. What matters is the genuine and truthfulness of the two parties. Good luck to you all, marriage in the face of undying love for each order, is the elixir of life itself. Love you all, hope you find someone that loves you just for you.

    • Tosin

      November 1, 2015 at 10:09 pm

      wow. silence. Amen.

  36. zayn

    October 30, 2015 at 9:39 am

    Honestly me I tire for you people, this is a Nigerian blog, our currency is naira. It irks me when i get interested in knowing how much some of your so called affordable weddings cost and i see $10,000 and all sorts. Please convert to naira, we are not interested in knowing that you spend dollars. Haba, inferiority complex is really a problem.

    • Daizzy

      October 30, 2015 at 11:37 am

      @Zayn

      You are actually the one with serious inferiority complex! Nigerians from different parts of the world visit bellanaija. If I had my wedding in the US as a Nigerian based in the US, then it only means my expenses would be in dollars. If you are so bothered about the conversion rate, then I believe you’ve got hands and a free access to either a calculator of currency exchange, so use it!

  37. BlizJoan

    October 30, 2015 at 12:18 pm

    My Boo proposed in July 2015. Nnna i want a very simple wedding with immediate family and few friends. Infact we have decided to do both Trad and White in my home town. There is life after wedding oooo biko.
    Gut if you can afford the big , classy and expensive wedding, I wish you the best o

  38. Quin

    October 30, 2015 at 12:40 pm

    Personally i have always dreamed of having a not so big wedding,but then like the writer said sometimes we dont get all we want,so i ended meeting a man(yoruba)who we hear to love parties buh stand out as he doesnt.(smh)he loves everything on a low key. So he kinda made me fall for his low key things,as i type this we have had our registry but yet to have our traditional marriage done as when we think of the money we gonna spend we get weak by the day expecially after seeing the list my family sent(smh)Its damn expensive getting married here in Nigeria and by the day divorce rates are increasing.

    Some weeks ago i attended a wedding with a friend,i noticed the bride wasnt smiling as she is suppose,my friend now said she over heard the couple arguing that the bride said she wanted a jeep to take her to church the groom said he had spent so much and cant afford to hire a jeep that they should use his salon car(a toyota corolla)which he actually just acquired but she refused. So he ending up telling her he noticed she is more concerned about the wedding then the marriage and he was tired already….(all these on the day of the white wedding gan o)most atimes we dont cut on coat according to our fabric and i must say this is increasing by the day.
    All same though,individuality matters. I cant because A&B did it NO way. I will do it my own way and be happy.

    • xxxx

      November 20, 2015 at 9:45 am

      Please speak to your parents on the list. I am yoruba and my folks gave a long list. I went to my parents telling them it was too much and there is a need to cut down as we will need money after wedding. Luckily for us, they went back to my father’s family and they took out somethings. Speak to your parents, pray that you find favour.

  39. Angiee

    October 30, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    @Jagbajantis, you will not kill me biko. But you also forgot to mention the Make up, These days the brides wedding outfit is not complete if she has not been made up by the big names in the make up industry.

    Funny enough, those days the bride doesn’t need any make up artist. She is her own make up artist. Uses her normal white powder (Passion or enchateur) with her black eye pencil, eye shadow and red lipstick, shikina. And amazingly she still comes out fine.

    As for the hairdo,the bride does the gel hair parking style with a darling yaki flip weavon on a side parting. And not forgetting, the black eye pencil will be used for the eye brow drawing, the upper and lower eyelid and of course the outlining of the lips. (this one gets me laughing real hard each time I remember it).

    Really, batter days are ahead!

  40. oma

    October 31, 2015 at 3:54 pm

    My P is that………half of the people who commented here(who are not yet married) will still end up having a big wedding with asoebi of 30-100k, hire george okoro or atunbi or sc george etc, still hire bm pro, oshewa, beautycooks abi frys etc and they will come back here to like comments and not tell us the truth………..let us practice what we preach. Hoo Haa!!!

  41. amaria

    October 31, 2015 at 5:55 pm

    All these warnings against big weddings! Is it because they don’t want the couple to borrow for wedding or because God expressly said if u have big wedding u will die? ????? Please let’s not use God as excuse for our bad belle. I rem my wedding the pastors wife inspected my gown as required the day before. I made sure my gown fit into all the stipulations church had given as per decency so she had nothing to frown at. She now picked at the price…That the gown looks too costly. I was like shuo? How that one take be problem? Did I borrow to buy it? Do u know how much I earn ? Many people just equate big weddings to bad marriages. Like we have to compensate themselves that the couple cannot have it all and even Christians have imbibed that approach.
    I didn’t have a wedding as lavish as I would have wanted but I did my best within the confines of me and Mr man’s pocket. I did my own makeup cos I couldn’t afford the big names…I don’t beef someone who could and i dont prophesy for them that their marriage is doomed.
    Big weddings as an entity do not produce bad marriages. It’s the longer throat of girls that make them go to any length to get a certain kind of wedding without thinking about the future that makes the marriage sour . Let’s not get it twisted mbok..

  42. amaria

    October 31, 2015 at 5:57 pm

    *compensate outselves

  43. ada

    November 1, 2015 at 12:58 pm

    Fool’s Cap paper…it bothered me.

  44. BN pls post o

    November 7, 2015 at 8:34 am

    Hi everyone, bruno, jagbajatin’s thoughts make me to be here , you are very right.
    I think its a matter of psychology, i am planning my wedding rightnow, the prices am getting from the vendors are too extreme especially when they know your are living outside the country, i stopped calling vendors myself, and i assigned my old school parent to search for vendors (which they are so happy to do and am getting the best from it because they are getting people who are passionate about the crafts infact they wake me up with prayers), i studied fashion and luxury in one of the fashion capitals, one of the attributes of this industry that makes their prices outrageous is the local artisans, immediately i remembered that, i fell into the art of local ‘artisanism’, my friends are laughing at me that my vendors are not popular and famous, but i told them that i am not a celebrity that will not like to show my wedding on BN or any social media and i love ‘local artisan’. Who and where is Deola Sagoe making her adire from?. Definitely we can afford those prices but honestly i cant invest my money on a day event spending that much, i looked at dolapo oni’s instagram, she posted a picture of her bridesmaids very few days after her wedding with a throwback comment,,,,,,,then i said after all the money being spent, its now a throwback, thats food for thought, am happy that wedding industry has created lot of job opportunities ( thank God). Let me also use this medium to say that we should control the superfluous lifestyles, showoff syndrome, never allow your expenses to surpass your income and we should be responsible for our lives not depending on other people who have their lives, you are on your own in this World, save for the future, the oyinbos and international celebrities we are imitating know what they are doing ooooooooooooo. Goodluck everyone.

  45. jumie

    November 26, 2015 at 9:10 am

    i like simple events though it must be classy.Not everything classy is expensive.We need to stop spending extravagantly.

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