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BN Prose: The Negotiator by Eniìtàn

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dreamstime_l_43155172My madam is not necessarily the easiest person to work for. She has her moments and can be outright crazy. I have come to understand her and her crazy mood swings and we have our ways, we know how we roll.
About six weeks ago, she told me her best friend was coming from Abuja to visit and that we had to prepare specially for the visit; clean up the house from top to bottom, get the guest room on the first floor ready, stock the house with her favorite foods. My crazy madam went overboard during the days leading up to the arrival of her friend. One moment she wanted the red curtains and the bed pushed against the wall, the next, she wanted the bed at the window and the curtains hanging in the other guest room, which had to be taken down, washed, ironed and then hung up. And of course she changed her mind like five million times. Then she decided I had to wear a uniform and changed her mind and said I looked like a “trendy maid” in my regular clothes.

At first, I thought it was all in a bid to impress her friend and show off but as the arrival date drew closer, I realized that it was more of feelings of insecurity, and you could tell that she was somewhat intimidated by her friend. She became even more impossible to live with and practically drove me up the wall.

When Mrs. Monica (like she asked to be addressed) arrived, everything went fine for a few days before it all started to go pear shaped. She started out really nice and sweet and she even said please and thank you all the time. Then she just seemed to wake up one day and started to complain about everything, even when it was perfect and of course my madam would blow a fuse at every little thing. One day, when Mrs. Monica complained that her móí-móí was too hot and had scalded her tongue, my madam dragged me into the kitchen by my ear and told me the story of my life. She said I was trying to ruin her reputation by disgracing her in front of her friend and that I wanted to make her the laughing stock of the town. I desperately wanted to tell her that laughing at her was the last thing on my mind, seeing as my ear was about to fall off. When we went back into the dining room, Mrs. Monica smiled at me and asked if I could please warm up the móí-móí as it had gone cold while she was waiting for us to come out of the kitchen. You should have seen the evil look my madam gave me, as if I was the one who had wasted a good half hour cussing in half a dozen different languages.

One time, Mrs. Monica taught me how to make omelets and she was so pleased with my finished work. She told me I was a natural and how we were going to have such a great time trying out recipes. Next thing, when my madam got back home from work, she told her she was tired and famished from doing “all that work in the kitchen”, imagine! And she would do all these things with a sweet smile on her face and you would wonder if your ears were deceiving you or if you had suddenly gone senile.

Two days before she was to leave, she asked my madam to let me accompany her on a shopping trip. After visiting practically every shopping mall in Lagos and every exclusive store, we went back home and spent the night and the next day packing up her luggage. Again, she did the about face thing and was really pleasant during the shopping.

Every time she got herself a snack or drink, she insisted I have something too. She even asked for my opinion on what gifts to buy her nieces and grand children. While packing, she reminisced about her youth and all the places she had travelled to and she told me these amazing stories about these amazing places. She even showed me pictures on her phone. By the time she left, I had forgotten about all the issues she caused with my madam and I really started to miss her. That was until she called my madam and complained to her that she was really dissatisfied with my work and that I hadn’t packed up her luggage properly.

My madam went into a fit of rage like I’ve never seen before, throwing things and telling me the story of my life. She abused me, abused my mother and everyone for my village join, and then threw me out that night. Even if she no fire me, me sef I go carry my leg waka commot. I don tire jàre. As I was walking to the bus stop with my Ghana-must-go on my head, wondering how I was going to return to my mother in the village, a car pulled up beside me. The driver’s window came down and lo and behold, it was Mrs. Monica’s driver who had been around with her on her visit. He gave me a phone and said Mrs. Monica wanted to speak with me. I reckoned that if she was also going to start abusing me and my mother, she sha couldn’t attempt to throw a knife at me through the phone.

“Omoladé,” she said without any preamble. “I want you to come and work for me. There’s a plane ticket to Abuja with your name on it…”

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

I’m an Engineer, trained to build robots but I would rather write about humans. I’m a Project Manager by day and a Writer by night. I’m Eniitan and you can read about my non-robotic humans at www.eniitan.com Follow @eniitanstales

24 Comments

  1. Jade

    May 17, 2016 at 8:44 am

    LOL. Sharp Mrs Monica!!!

  2. Jolade

    May 17, 2016 at 8:57 am

    Interesting,some people can be very difficult to please,and unnecessary difficult.

  3. afia

    May 17, 2016 at 9:00 am

    lol..i saw that coming..nice write up Eniitan.

  4. Tosin

    May 17, 2016 at 9:32 am

    🙂
    we-re

  5. Stanleychijioke

    May 17, 2016 at 9:32 am

    Interesting storyline…. I wish there is more from where it came out from.

  6. Irene

    May 17, 2016 at 9:56 am

    Lovely story, should we expect a sequel?

  7. Oma

    May 17, 2016 at 10:08 am

    LMAO, it was obvious your madam did something to Mrs Monica a while back, and you’re awesome, which she likes!
    Cool story!!!

    • lola

      May 17, 2016 at 12:39 pm

      No dear, stop that Nigerian pattern that for someone to have done something to you, you must have done something to ‘deserve’ it… It’s VERY dangerous thinking and can often be used to victim-blame. Sometimes in life, people are wicked just because. Life is not always about cause and effect, neither is it always black and white

  8. Zoba

    May 17, 2016 at 10:09 am

    Wonderful story. Though I see more manipulation that negotiation….or is that the point.

  9. sammiewolf

    May 17, 2016 at 10:22 am

    Yeah, a sequel would be nice!

  10. AANUOLUWAPO OYEDELE

    May 17, 2016 at 10:26 am

    i smiled and hissed then smile……..great one

  11. Billionaire in grace

    May 17, 2016 at 10:28 am

    Wow I like the story nice one

  12. Ewurafua

    May 17, 2016 at 11:22 am

    I know this is fiction, and maybe I’m reading too much into this, but why did Monica have to destroy Omolade’s reputation with her boss, just so she could ‘steal’ her? Why not just ask your friend if she’s willing to part with her help? Or ask your friend and/or Omolade for a recommendation of someone else?
    Personally, I think people like Monica don’t deserve the ‘bestie’ title – they are dangerous!

  13. Chinma Eke

    May 17, 2016 at 11:26 am

    Mrs Monica is badass and the madam is a fool! damn!

  14. Dorkat

    May 17, 2016 at 12:44 pm

    Lovely piece…..very entertaining and informative, her insecurity and inability to appreciate her maid led her to loose the best help around to her smart and secure friend

  15. anonymous

    May 17, 2016 at 3:15 pm

    Mrs Monica is the worst. I won’t work for her rara. Scheming bitch. Imagine having a boss like that.

    I once had a client like that and all I did was set her up before my boss and hers.

    The madam is just so insecure and Mrs Monica noticed it and tried to exploit it.

    Hmm, people are wicked

  16. O_niran

    May 17, 2016 at 3:55 pm

    So the story was about you not appreciating what you have, then someone else who values it comes around to take it from you

  17. BN! I can 'love' comments a billion times

    May 18, 2016 at 12:08 pm

    I am a regular visitor on the site and I have never dropped a comment. However, I do click the ‘love this’ button on comments I like. I noticed I can do that as many times as possible. It’s probably a glitch or something. Just wanted to spill because I noticed a couple of people complaining that some people do ‘buy’ likes or ‘loves”.

    This story also depicts a boss that criticizes you day in, day out but secretly admires your dedication.

    • TeeHee

      May 19, 2016 at 8:15 pm

      Lol. Happened to me too…or so I thought. Until I refreshed the page and saw my fingers had been working overtime for nothing!!

  18. jackson susan

    May 22, 2016 at 5:30 pm

    wow… smart Mrs Monica

  19. Carina

    May 24, 2016 at 10:48 am

    I love the story.

  20. layrie

    June 15, 2016 at 1:54 pm

    I love this story because it something that happens to a lot of people without them knowing it. You need to value what you have because someone who may be your ‘friend’ will do everything in their power to make you believe that what u have isn’t good enough for you. It may be a job,a boyfriend an opportunity anything… once they convince u and u throw it out, they will jump at it so fast you won’t believe it.
    Good story, plenty lessons.

  21. OS'J

    June 21, 2016 at 5:36 pm

    ahhhhh after all the complain. na torture she go use u do next

  22. George

    June 23, 2017 at 6:45 am

    There’s a lot to take home from this simple short story. Love the Mrs Monica character…. Old wine. Nice one

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