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Life Hacks With Toby: 6 Crucial Things Nobody Tells You About Online Dating

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dreamstime_l_55892491I think I was in SS3 when I saw my first online dating site. Those were the days we used to sneak out of school to go for all night browsing. I think one of the ladies that came for night browsing was chatting with her oyibo boyfriend there.

Trust me and my curious mind naa, I had to explore what it was all about. Somehow I never really got into it until sometime in 2012.

I had just completed my NYSC. I was young, jobless, and bored. I had a little ‘Daddy-thank-sir’ pocket money which I was using for my job-hunt. Of course this meant spending a lot of time in one of the cyber cafés beside my uncle’s house in Aguda.

One of those days, I jejely came to browse with my church mind o. I had a couple of applications to write and submit, and I was seriously hoping that I would land a job that month. You see, it was October, my birth month. And I needed a job desperately.

Back then, my black suit had almost turned brown. I pity the suit. Na em I dey wear almost every day jumping from Danfo to Molue. As of then I don waka enter almost all the tall buildings wey dey Marina, and the ones on Adeola Odeku Street in VI, submitting CVs. I waka sotey my shoe soles come get curve by the side. Chai, job hunting in Nigeria no be beans o.

Well, one of those days, I went to browse as usual. I noticed one fine girl who was chatting and even doing internet calls on a PC there. I took a closer look and saw that it was an online dating site.

My mind did a quick spin. As of then, I had no girlfriend, nor fiancé, not even a ‘toastee’. The last babe I wanted to go out with decided I resembled her brother. “Toby I love you, but as a brother”.

NB: Friend zone get levels o. If she is still seeing you as a ‘friend’, you have 20% hope. But if the thing has graduated to ‘brotherhood’ eh, omoh even in your next world, hope no dey o.

Thunder fire Friend Zone, wallahi!

Anyway, I reasoned that it won’t be a bad idea to try out online dating. At least even if the career section of my life no dey work, make the relationship side dey work.

For a start, I registered with flirt. Unfortunately for me, I forgot my password and I didn’t bother to get it back. But unlike me, many people have had beautiful relationships originate from these sites. In fact, statistics state that one-third of married couples in U.S met online.

So do online dating sites work? Yes they do.

But before you rush in and sign up take note of the helpful tips below. Most people won’t tell you about these stuff, but omoh, you need to know (to avoid stories that touch…)

So many profiles there are fake
Forget that wonderful profile of being a medical doctor, driving a range rover jeep, with an M.Sc in Harvard, and earning #2.5 million a month.

Or what about all that sexiness? The broad shoulders, close-up toothpaste-like smile, the hairy chest and sexy smile? Or what about the steamy hot pictures that the ladies put up?

Many people there are real o, but you need to know that some people use fake profiles too. So be careful before you ‘fall in love’.

Too many inactive Profiles
Normally, you would want to join a dating site with lots of members as it increases your chances of finding or getting found by Miss/Mr Right. Abi? Well, don’t get too disappointed, many of those profiles have not been active for years.

I mean, I remember registering with badoo just before the end of 2012 too. But I never visited it more than thrice. So even if my profile is there, I am not there. Get the picture?

Not everybody there is a saint
I know say na your church mind you carry come o, but biko be careful. It is not something to be scared of really. I mean, there are bad people everywhere. Some people come there to find love, while some came to get laid cheaply.

So before you start trusting and introducing your new ‘bae’ to us, make sure you have the right person. Most importantly, don’t be too quick to give out personal information.

The person you finally get to meet may be different from the one you met online
What I mean here is the fact that most people who go to online dating sites put up their best part and hide their flaws. It is normal.

For instance, you could be chatting with someone without really knowing that they stutter. Or maybe she is hot tempered, or he has shortsightedness. Somehow these details usually don’t come up while you are speaking online. So don’t raise your hopes too high until you finally get to meet.

Online dating can alter your idea of intimacy
If you speak with someone online for a while, soon it starts to feel like you have really ‘known’ each other for long. This is not really something bad, except that it tends to create a false sense of familiarity. This alone can make you have sex with someone even if you decided not to, or even clear your bank account for same.

Race still matters to many people
Most people will tell you that when it comes to matters of the heart, tribe, race, or ethnicity doesn’t count. I laugh in Japanese.

Truth is that tribe still matters to many people. Lots of people still have reservations and lots of bias about people from other tribes.

Is it right? Obviously not. But before you start trusting, make sure your ‘boo/bae’ doesn’t have a problem with your race/tribe.

Your Turn
Have you tried online dating before? Did it work out for you? Or even if yours wasn’t an online dating site, have you started a relationship through Facebook? Did it work out? Are there any other tips we should all be mindful of?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Toby Nwazor is a free lance writer and motivational speaker who believes that life is meant to be lived and not just existed in. He is equally an entrepreneur with a lot of hands-on experience in business start-ups, marketing, and customer service. He passionately writes every Monday and Wednesday on www.mystartupceo.com about helping entrepreneurs and aspiring entrepreneurs build successful start-ups

24 Comments

  1. Princess P

    May 13, 2016 at 2:06 pm

    One more thing….most guys ask for nude pictures.
    They start with:
    ‘Baby what are you wearing’?
    That is the line
    Even till date, I don’t just get it

  2. British wife

    May 13, 2016 at 2:16 pm

    I’m one of the beneficiaries of online dating market.
    I already knew what I wanted (British husband). I jejely took 3 months off to learn British English (spoken and oral). Then I signed up on British dating website.
    4 days later, I was contacted by my now husband (handsome, posh, with a nice job).piam piam piam, he invited me to Uk, we dated for couple of months and got married.
    It’s been 4 years and I’ve popped out 3 kids lol. We planned to have 10 kids….

    • Rampage

      May 13, 2016 at 3:50 pm

      Congrats and all. Just wanna say that spoken and oral are the same thing.

    • Sola

      May 13, 2016 at 4:23 pm

      Grammar police. Don’t go and find your own bae.

    • Olu

      May 13, 2016 at 3:55 pm

      The hustle is real pian pian. lol

      I love your sincerity ojare ……why worry about what other people think of you…

    • Nene

      May 13, 2016 at 5:16 pm

      You are definitely a case study for online dating. A lot of people use it to get foreign white husbands. Regina askia was even rumored to have met her husband online. But for those who don’t have an agenda, online dating is not the norm.

    • Dee one

      May 14, 2016 at 3:30 am

      Congrats, Oya drop the name of the site so that we too can try, lol

      I also joined tinder in January after I read an article here about it. It was fun at first; I even met two people one on one but nothing serious came out of it but it later became boring and tiring and after 4months I deleted my profile.
      I’m also a registered member of other dating sites that I registered on out of boredom and curiosity and so far so good I’m presently chatting offline with two guys I met on two different sites both Americans, one white and the other black, let’s see how it goes, will give an update soon ?

    • Sarah

      May 15, 2016 at 6:11 pm

      My sister is he oyinbo ?

  3. Bodunade

    May 13, 2016 at 2:17 pm

    I joined tinder a few months ago out of curiousity, wasn’t looking to date or get laid or anything. It was fun, the matches, swiping, super likes. All my tinder people can relate. I knew I was safe because I can’t fall in love with someone except we are friends (some of us Love the friendzone.. Hahaha)
    Looking for love online is like looking for eba and ewedu in Kfc.
    Met just one sensible girl but her attitude was nothing to write home about. Maybe cos I told her I wasn’t looking for anything at all but she was ( I said a little prayer for her, lol)
    Most people I met were ajah/lekki girls offering you the best sex ever for 10-20k. After a while I was able to tell who a ‘runs’ girl was from her profile /bio.
    The other sensible person I met, we talked for about a week, I’d call and we’d talk, she seemed pretty decent until she figured I was ‘wasting’ her time and offered to ride my motorcycle till my fuel finished. I was on tinder for about 6days.
    I jejely deleted my profile.
    My thoughts, online dating is very risky, you see only what people want you to. It’s a no no.
    Most girls are looking for the next meal ticket and most guys are looking to shine the next Congo.
    As always, there are exceptions to the rule sha

    • zarah A

      May 13, 2016 at 9:45 pm

      I totally relate o d swiping left or right is kukuma lik game. Me sef I had to delete mine sharply o , dem boys were sarewagba boys nd it was tiring.
      Nice one Toby

  4. British wife

    May 13, 2016 at 2:34 pm

    I’m one of the beneficiaries of online dating market.
    I already knew what I wanted (British husband). I jejely took 3 months off to learn British English (spoken and oral). Then I signed up on British dating website.
    4 days later, I was contacted by my now husband (handsome, posh, with a nice job).piam piam piam, he invited me to Uk, we dated for couple of months and got married.
    It’s been 4 years and I’ve popped out 3 kids lol. We planned to have 10 kids….

  5. honest one

    May 13, 2016 at 3:51 pm

    Aunty Bitish wife, thank you…we have heard!!!!

    • Spunky

      May 13, 2016 at 7:17 pm

      You funny sha…allow British wife blow her trumpet jor.

  6. Sarah

    May 13, 2016 at 8:26 pm

    This just confirms how desperate Naija girls are for men abroad. Despite the fact that my husband doesn’t hide his marital status Facebook, he keeps getting friend requests from some ladies with seductive looking photos on their profiles. Hopefully he hasn’t been tempted to see some during his trips back home. I pray for a mindset shift in the way Nigerian ladies think that they need a man (married or not) to succeed in life.

  7. Abuja Bored Girl

    May 13, 2016 at 11:11 pm

    I personally do not have the liver for online dating,I joined tinder but I deleted my profile in just minutes. I always ask myself what would be the consequences of flirting online many years down the line. So for me online dating is a NO NO.
    memoirsofanabujaboredgirl.blogspot.com

  8. Mairo

    May 14, 2016 at 8:21 am

    Please any suggestions for inter racial /oyinbo dating sites?suggestions please

    • Palmwinefortwo

      May 14, 2016 at 8:10 pm

      Try afrointroductions.com

  9. ATL's finest

    May 15, 2016 at 2:06 am

    Lmao! She probably didn’t mean to post it twice but BN didn’t upload it ahead of time 🙂

  10. Zainab

    May 15, 2016 at 6:52 pm

    Am not really lucky with Online dating. Ordinary facebook chat no dey work. Mature educated Muslim man looking for marriage can mail me at [email protected].

  11. NickZ

    May 16, 2016 at 11:50 am

    That’s so true! However, there are good dating platforms. Men need to know how to verify all this stuff Seriously, just because of a bad experience, we can miss good possibilities. Could you dwell on how to check, according to what criteria the dating platform, cause i found one and i like girls there!

  12. Anon

    May 18, 2016 at 12:44 pm

    I’m also a beneficiary of online dating…
    I live in the UK and had been single for about 5 years. Met a coupla guys in the 5 year period but no one ready for anything serious so I was encouraged to try online dating as a means of ‘enlarging my social circle’.
    So after months of persuasion, I decided to give it a go, even though I felt I’d appear desperate.
    Long story short…after trying 2 different dating sites with no luck, I joined match.com as my third and final attempt. I had just moved to a new town for work and thought the worst that’d come out of it is I’d make new friends.
    Tonnes of oyinbo guys on the site, after about 5 months, I finally saw one Dudu guy and we got chatting. Met up after about 2 weeks of chatting. Turned out he’s a naija guy etc. Dated for a year, got engaged and getting married in 3 weeks!
    Bottom line is keep an open mind…be yourself (he loved my profile pic with my short natural hair) and enjoy the adventure! You just never know!

  13. Ibe Tochukwu

    May 28, 2016 at 10:30 pm

    online dating is good and its also bad…what I understand is that destinys are not thesame..And some people are good online while some are not…www.promarketingbrand.com…But for me lucks and looks are not the same..dont be decieved, some online personality are scam..

  14. Chizzy

    June 3, 2016 at 12:05 pm

    Tobs, nice article. I have become very curious. I’m off to all those mentioned here. maybe It will be a fun way to spend this weekend

  15. samrawit Getachew

    May 5, 2018 at 3:01 pm

    i don’t know why i don’t even get online dating

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