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Fumbi Olaolu: Farters, Singers & Belchers… Here Are 10 Tips on Public Transport Etiquette You Should Be Aware Of

Fumbi. O

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dreamstime_m_358781It is hard enough that one has to go through the daily hustle(s) of Lagos. The ever-constant traffic, waking up donkey hours before actual work hours – just to beat as much traffic as you can, and then the risk of getting rumpled before getting to work. Or your perfume even wearing off, because of all the body rubs you get in transit; then fast forward to the close of work and repeat the same process again!

Chai…every prayer point I write these days has to include the provision of a car, preferably one with air conditioning and enough money to keep up with the fuel price hike; because the struggle is too real and sometime just annoying/hilarious (yes, the feelings are very mixed)

So please dear fellow public transport users, let’s make life easier on each other, the craziness of the bus drivers who drive as though they are transporting cows and not human beings plus that of the conductors is bad enough as it, please don’t come and add your own ill-manner(s) to it, biko…so here are some guides as to how to conduct ourselves in a public transport and a little something for the transporters too ☺

• Do not chew gum loudly while in the bus! It’s annoying.

• If you must play music, please use earphones.

• And when you notice that someone else is already playing music out loud, don’t start your own too and start confusing everyone’s ears.

• Do not open only your own side of the window and seal off the other person in front – as if they are allergic to fresh air.

• If you’re on the big side, please be considerate to the lighter people next to you don’t squash them just ’cause they look like stick #skinnylivesmattertoo

• Do not laugh loudly like an hyena (especially if you’re on a call)

• Point taken we know you can sing, so please save your voice practical for your church rehearsals or your bathrooms.

• If you start a small talk and it’s not getting on well do not push it.

• Don’t assume everyone in the bus is Yoruba.

• Mind your language, someone might be fasting next to you (all ye public cursers.)

• Be your brother’s keeper if you’ve heard that a particular person needs to stop somewhere, if they dose off, it wouldn’t kill you to wake them up so they don’t miss their stop.

• Because someone is indecently dressed does not give you the license to disrespect them.

• If you must sleep, biko arrange yourself well (don’t start nodding off on everyone’s shoulders anyhow)

• Don’t assume everyone is accommodating. So if you have have excess luggage or plenty kids buy an extra seat if you can’t afford, ask nicely first and don’t insult them ,if they refuse to help you lap your kid.

• Avoid staring at people awkwardly.

• Don’t disrespect a fellow passenger because she is a woman, married or unmarried.

• If you have a cough, be courteous enough to own a handkerchief (don’t come and spread bacteria everywhere.)

• You know you have a leaky bladder, don’t eat the whole street before and while on the bus.

• All you all who fart silently on buses, God is watching you (gross much)

• Please avoid eating foods with very strong odours it might be irritating to some people.

• DO NOT SPIT OUT THE WINDOW OR BLOW YOUR NOSE OUT THE WINDOW, THAT’S JUST DISGUSTING!

• Ladies please check that your wearing comfortable clothes, avoid embarrassments please. Lagosians, especially, can be are rude.

• On no condition should you allow yourself to be dragged into a public fight especially on a bus.

• If you have a sweaty body, epp! us wear long sleeve or at least three quarters or a scarf it’s not nice sweating all over other people.

• Let’s be a bit tidy. Refuse can be left on the bus, please don’t throw it out on the street. It could cause an accident (seriously speaking)

• Driversm please you are driving human brings not cows or provisions, drive the vehicle with sense and caution and not like a wheelbarrow. God bless you.

Whew! I shall poz (pause) here for now…you can tell I have a lot of grievances with public transport, we pray that God answers the call for a car very soon.

Cheers?
Photo Credit: Sean Nel | Dreamstime.com

Fumbi Olaolu is a graduate of International relations from Covenant University. A God loving nerd who likes all things fashion and business, talks a lot and likes to be the boss at everything. I try to find various means of expressing the myriad of thoughts in my head. If you would like a front row sit into my world, visit my blogs at Amie's Thoughts or  The Casual Writer, On Instagram @missfumbi :)

17 Comments

  1. oo

    November 25, 2016 at 3:57 pm

    Its the silent farts that are the most contagious. Imagine that on a plane???? Give us some airplane etiquettes too.

  2. Tosin

    November 25, 2016 at 5:22 pm

    Lol @ skinnylivesmatter lol.
    Objection @ Yoruba. If you’re not, then why are you travelling 🙂 Yoruba is the lingua franca of public transport, sister 🙂
    Agrrreee @ littering. It’s time for my people to hear that not every spot is for refuse disposal. Actually it’s not time. After the recession, after Buhari, after things improve…

  3. Bridget

    November 25, 2016 at 6:03 pm

    I always enjoy ur write up.

  4. Ennie

    November 25, 2016 at 6:14 pm

    Love the tips!!

  5. Ajala & foodie

    November 25, 2016 at 6:42 pm

    I know farting in public is disgusting and embarrassing to the average human but really what do we want the “farters” in a bus to do? Ask the driver to stop so they can let it out??? This is Lagos we are talking about, what driver will give you the time of day? How pesin go ask sef? “Ah escuse me sa, I need to release some gaseous elements from my posterior anatomy. Can you please stop the vehicle so I can let it go?” Driver go just laugh.!!!! We know keeping it in is impossible. I doubt the average human is delighted at the thought of farting in public but sometimes you have no choice. Now, I will be surprised to see anyone say they have NEVER let one go in public.

    • Delta geh

      November 25, 2016 at 7:02 pm

      While your post was funny I disagree that you have no choice. If your tummy has to hurt you in order for you not to cause discomfort to others then so be it. How can you be destroying people’s air like that?

  6. Femfem

    November 25, 2016 at 7:03 pm

    The people you are talking to don’t read bellanaija

    • Tosne

      November 25, 2016 at 8:26 pm

      My thoughts exactly! Especially the drivers.

  7. Marvel

    November 25, 2016 at 7:20 pm

    The writer would be amazed to know that in the UK and many Western countries, there are stringent rules on how to transport animals from farms to even arbatoirs where they are slaughtered. If those animals are stressed, they will be returned by vets and drivers face fines and jail sentences for unsatisfactory transportation standards.
    It was interesting reading her ‘we are not cows’ comment in reference to how rough the drivers are.

    • Promise

      November 25, 2016 at 11:20 pm

      Lol well done

  8. 'Diddie

    November 25, 2016 at 8:11 pm

    Well done…… I’m with you on the prayer point for fully air-conditioned car… Passengers and bus drivers including bus conductors take note

  9. Flexe

    November 25, 2016 at 10:41 pm

    “Point taken we know you can sing…”
    Yea Yea Whatever!

  10. Flexe

    November 25, 2016 at 10:45 pm

    “Point taken we know you can sing, so please save your voice practicals for your church rehearsals or your bathrooms.”
    Yea Yea Whatever!

  11. Just have your bath

    November 26, 2016 at 12:03 am

    Simple rule. Have your bath and brush your teeth Biko and while you’re at it, shave your armpit.

  12. Adisa

    November 27, 2016 at 1:30 am

    You had to bring tribal into it, ‘don’t assume everyone speaks yoruba’, like only the Yoruba’s take public transport or talk in their local dialect in public transport. You are so careless with your choice of word. Does Bella Naija just post anything from a contributor, no vetting of some sorts, whats the work of the editor then?.

    • coolchic

      November 28, 2016 at 12:20 pm

      whats wrong with that? Remember she is writing about public transport in LAGOS? What is the major spoken language in Lagos?
      Na wa o. We dont have to be overly sensitive or did i miss something?

    • Mahka

      November 28, 2016 at 8:07 pm

      Calm your whiskers down; I commend Yorubas for being so intuned with their dialect, that assumption is right , not every public transport user is Yoruba.
      As I type now, the woman on my right has an excess leg luggage from behind n other side,they are constantly peeping into my screen,one just started flipping sweat,can’t wait to put my dudu osun to work.
      I come Lagos it’s well…Amen to that car o.

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