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Seun Akinlosotu: We are Coming Home For Christmas

Seun Akinlosotu

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dreamstime_m_542715034 years ago, a cousin’s wife who knew I was coming to Nigeria for the holidays sent her husband to me, asking that I help her bring a couple of wigs when coming. Her friend was buying the wigs and would bring them to me. I thought it’s just hair, no wahala I’ll throw them in my hand luggage.

On the said day, I had my entire luggage packed and by the door ready when her friend came. This was about 1 hour before I was to leave for the airport. The friend came with a bag containing the weaves, and in addition clothes, lotions, perfumes etc. with names of other people they belonged to. I took one look and said NO, I will not carry those items because I cannot carry them. I have exceeded my 50 pounds on both luggage by a few ounces. The lady proceeded to tell me I didn’t know how to pack, so she rearranged the contents of my box to fit her own load. I stood by in wonder and allowed her do it because some people don’t understand simple logic. Then I weighed my luggage again, and it was about 54 pounds. I opened the luggage, took out her stuff except the wigs and returned her items to her. I was nice enough to give her the name and number of a cargo company I ship things through.

Biko, it’s that time of the year. It’s Christmas season and as usual, a lot of the “iinit, gaddem, and na meen” obodo oyinbo people are coming home (Nigeria) for the holidays. Yes, they are coming and it’s not because of Trump.

See, the month before we travel we start to strategically plan our trip. Planning includes how many luggage we will be traveling with. We start to shop for everyone we want to bring a gift for; our parents, siblings, sibling’s lover or spouse, friends, friend’s spouse and children. Neighbors, uncle’s & aunts; grandparents and in-laws (if we are married or in a serious relationship) as well as their children. Domestic staff at our parent’s house so they don’t rob us blind for not bringing anything in the first place, or perhaps they are just really good staff. Our favorite aunty Nkem who will pack and come and move to our parent’s house temporarily during our stay, and uncle Chudi (Uncle Chudi whose belle you will see first before you see the rest of his body- but he is that one uncle always so excited to see you and will drive you anywhere you want to go).

We can already hear uncle Chudi’s voice from the gate when he arrives – bia, Uzi, Uzi, UZIIII (Uzi the gateman is dragging his feet) open this gate nau nau, ehn, didn’t you see my car in front since. I am here to see my baby gal from Amerika. Shows off his huge teeth in a grin, chaiii nwane is here, God don do better thing. Dem go hear am for this village. UZIII, I say open this gate right now before thunder fire you, is it your family that arrive from Amerika. Uzi opens the gate. (This story ends in another story).

So, we have decided on how much we want to spend on gifts for people, and who gets what. All the shopping is done. We have carefully started packing so we do not exceed the 2 (50 Pounds) luggage we are entitled to. One whole box is for items to give as gifts. Then the phone calls and texts start coming in. Our friends and extended family who know we are likely to be travelling start calling to ask:

Friend/family: So how far now, what’s up this Christmas, are we coming to your house to eat?
We: My house ke? No oo, I won’t be around. I’ll be in Naija.
Friend/family: Are you serious? Ahhh see enjoyment. I wish I could go too. Eeya so when are you going?
We: Gives date
Friend/family: Aii, cool. Just wanted to check up on you sha. Call you later.

**
One week to the trip.

Friend/Family: Babes, abeg I need a favor ehn. Can you carry one small perfume for me to Naija. It’s for my mum.
We: (sheeeeeet – she pulled the mum card) ohh okay I hope its small o abeg my load is full.
Friend/family: Trust me it is. I’ll send my husband/wife to drop it off the day before you leave.

**
Day before we leave
Friend’s husband brings the “small perfume” along with 3 other perfumes, a handbag, 2 pairs of shoes, a sealed phone (that I cannot open to verify there are no drugs in it), 2 dresses & a wig. My wife said to drop this off to you. Thank you so much, we really appreciate you.
We: WTHHHHH!! C’mmon now!… Damnn.

So we get to Naija and of course ecstatic to see friends and family.
As we meet with friends and family, we give out what we brought for them. Some are so thankful and can’t wait to launch the new buffs or gadget.

Others….
Family/Friend: Ahh thank you o. Is this the shoe you brought for me? But I like the one you are wearing, why didn’t you buy that type for me (Her shoe costs more than yours does o). Abeg give me that shoe, that’s the one I like.
We: ehn ehn.. Okay give me the one I gave you so I can have something to wear while I’m around.

Family/Friend: (quickly pulls the shoes to her chest) No na, I’m not giving it back. I didn’t say I don’t want it now, I just said you can manage and add the one on your feet to it since its only thing you brought for me. How can you come all the way and bring me just one thing? Mbanu, I must sort myself in your luggage.
We: Think of the 15 to 20 or more people we brought something for but hold our peace & apologize. Sorry it won’t happen again.

Others….
We: Kene, take this $100 and manage it ehnn. Just buy something small for yourself; I didn’t know your size.
Kene: Looks at the $100 bill, ahhhhh Bros $100 is nothing in this country oo. I will blow the money before I reach the end of the street. You know I’m a big boy here. Please add more.
We: Think of the water bill of $80 waiting on the kitchen counter that we did not pay before leaving so we could have enough cash and goods to give our friends and family.

Others….
We: Uncle, here is the Samsung Phone you asked for.
Uncle: Collects the phone and after thorough examinations says “but this is not the model I asked for. I wanted a Samsung Galaxy XYV Version 5.8.9.6 that can see Mars, Jupiter, Pluto, and Venus & can dance azonto. This one you brought can only see Mars.
We: Stare at the IPhone 4 we have been using for 4 years, and offer an apology. It won’t happen again sir.

It’s that time of the year again, and people are going home.

To everyone travelling to Nigeria for the holidays, have a safe trip, have fun, & remember your bills are waiting for you here.

What is your travel back home story? Please share.

Photo Credit: Gaudilab | Dreamstime.com

Seun Akinlosotu is a Tech Analyst by day and an aspiring Writer by midnight. She's a self proclaimed Romanticist who likes to write light heartedly. Her write ups are geared at a cross mix of audience, none of which will need an Oxford Dictionary to understand her. There's more to read from her at www.lovedeyshackme.blogspot.com. & on IG @Chechecosmos

87 Comments

  1. lorelai

    November 15, 2016 at 5:42 pm

    I know this story all too well.. I have steed fearing seeing people.. I dn’t even announce my arrival.. nobody but my mom nd bro knws my arrival date.. I beg I Kent.. Our people just assume that everyone outside naija is balling.. bt whenever I cm back home.. I knw what true balling is.. Nigerians can ball sha.. I see the latest phones, weaves and shoes with people in naija.. be weh deh overseas I deh contact my small small pennies.. carry my natural hair for head.. I dn’t buy latest anything until my bills are sorted.. Nd even then.. there isn’t much left over

    • moni

      November 15, 2016 at 11:33 pm

      Na wa o
      while I agree with your story, it is still one sided
      u didnt mention Uncle Chudu will also take you out to the best joints in town to take pepper soup
      Kene will be your all unofficial driver and body guard through out your stay In Naija
      aunty will take you to a salon to do ghana weaving and bully the stylists not to allow u queue up or talk while they do the hair of her amerikana niece

      leave us alone
      even when we go on vacation anywhere we come back to Naija with boxes and boxes
      and immigration will not harass us, cos for me for example i prelabel most gifts
      we do 10 boxes when the whole family travels and
      u forgot to mention that when our vacation used to be to London and America we normally arrive with all sorts like ogi, fried stew, knorr, tomtom, peanuts etc for you but now we too don open eye we now go to proper vacation destinations all over the world so u see u are not the only ones that dont announce when coming to Naija we too dont tell you again even if we are in a resort in your background.
      and we will keep packing our loads making sure our hand luggage are filled to the brim and sitting on our boxes to zip it, those are part of the thrills of vacation

      one moe thing have u noticed we also shop online directly ourselves now and have them delivered. soon your relevance will be extinct

    • Corolla

      November 16, 2016 at 2:18 am

      “we now go to proper vacation destinations all over the world so u see u are not the only ones that dont announce when coming to Naija we too dont tell you again” This just reeks of low-self esteem! Is it competition? Somebody is writing about her own experience, and you are getting salty and writing about how you too, do your own back!

      Her story is one sided because you live in her house to know what happens when she gets to Naija, abi! Mcheww. I have noticed that some Nigerians in Nigeria tend to get salty when people abroad write articles about certain things that Naija people do! The girl is talking about her OWN experience! Maybe her Uncle Chudi does not take her out for pepper soup! Maybe Kene just collects the $100 and bolts! Her experience is her experience. You weren’t there! …and more grease to your elbow for taking vacation to exotic places and discovering online shopping. Clap for yaself

    • EE

      November 16, 2016 at 5:03 am

      I have noticed that some Nigerians in the abroad tend to get salty when people in Nigeria write about certain things they do!

      The girl is talking about her OWN experience! Is it her fault your people are still burdening you, not knowing you don’t like it?

      More grease to your elbow for still packing bags and being incapable of saying no! when other Nigerians are taking vacation to exotic places and have discovered online shopping.

      Clap for yaself

      How ’bout dem apples @Corrola?

    • Emmy

      November 16, 2016 at 1:38 pm

      Hahaha

    • moni

      November 16, 2016 at 2:43 pm

      it is not a competition at all at all
      my message is that when we travel ourselves from Naija back to Naija we always pack loads it is in our DNA. we buy stuff for as many people as possible. we just cant help it
      when we go on one week course sef, the least we will do for all our colleagues on the same floor with you is buy chocolates and distribute – that is our culture for now
      Is it the best? Not necessarily
      the point is we are not doing this because it is you,
      to ourselves we do it
      we pay excess luggage
      we beg them at the airport
      we cry at the airport when we need to leave things behind
      we repack and repack and embarrass ourselves but we just cant stop
      even when we go on our “proper vacations” we must shop –
      i even heard if you comeback thru MM and u only have handluggage and u are not a bizz traveler immigration/NDLEA will invite u for further checks
      u see this is because it is an exception not the norm

      Christmas is coming around u guys will exchange cakes, chocolates etc
      we give bags of rice, oil
      even the Intl companies in Nigeria follow us join and ensure they give their staff bags of rice, oil, chicken etc for Christams

      lastly as culture is dynamic, one day we will also get there

  2. Ajebota

    November 15, 2016 at 5:46 pm

    This is me every time. I have now made up my mind to arrive like a ghost next time. Mama called and asked to bring a cake mixer on my way back. That is extra luggage in itself and i have no choice because its family – but there are cake mixers in Lagos.
    Plus some friends are turning me to BDC (help me buy/pay online for stuff, i’ll pay naira into your account) but will not want to do black market rate – as in its me that came to subsidise for Nigeria.

    • True That

      November 16, 2016 at 12:59 pm

      Lol @ BDC!!

  3. Sonia Paloma

    November 15, 2016 at 5:48 pm

    1) i nor dey carry any rotten load from anybody. After going through the stress of taking it to Naija, then another stress of how to make sure the person in Nigeria gets it (and i don’t want to end up in jail either biko)
    2) I don’t owe anybody NADA, if i use my church mind to get you something and you act unappreciative (no matter how small) Your loss, because you ain’t getting nothing ever again from me
    3) I always educate people when they start with the “Abroad life is easy and good o” (I start with, do you know we pay for the tv we watch? i nor dey talk of DSTV O. Just the fact say you get Tv. you nor sabi abi. hiannn)
    4) When they start to stylishly bombard you with complains and how they need money upandan, me too fire back with bills to pay complain

    • Lovely

      November 15, 2016 at 8:54 pm

      Aunty Sonia, its not fair oh. Please help someone this Christmas to carry their load and God will bless you for your kind act. ????

    • o

      November 15, 2016 at 9:19 pm

      Ppl in Lagos pay TV and radio tax or something like that to their local governments too sha oo

    • Amaka

      November 15, 2016 at 9:22 pm

      Why must some people know you are coming, why announce it. People can be dangerous biko.

    • ATL's finest

      November 16, 2016 at 6:00 pm

      @ Sonia Paloma ????are U sure u ain’t my sis ? Girl these days, I don’t announce my arrival cuz lesson learned. I can’t be buying & paying for your items & u don’t wanna pay me back in Naira. Ok luggage business, im not an ✈/airline, so if u need your items to Nigeria via me, U will be at d airport, check it in & pay the excess $$$$. Gone r the days folks can’t think straight. And u don’t ve to worry about me calling U to groove around. I’m such a loner & it doesn’t bother me to be alone??? FYI, I’m in my Village to relax & not to party… #DONOTDISTURB#. I don’t mind helping folks with their luggages to Nigeria but pls just your #6 sense to be mindful of what U are wanting me to carry for FREE. After all, I’ve got my own excess luggage.

      Lol @ Una men, Obodo yinbo people??

  4. Missappleberry

    November 15, 2016 at 5:51 pm

    This cracked me up lol. Some Nigerians back home can be so ungrateful and ignorant ( for lack of a better word). I’m in Nigeria and thank God for the nuclear family I come from. We don’t really care if a family member brings in gifts or not. We are just really happy to house them and run all their errands for them cos they do the same for us too when we visit, unlike some of my extended family members lol. This article describes them. So apt! Or maybe even worse lol. What is it with some Nigerians back home and things or gifts from obodoyibo??? Even for those who don’t stay abroad and maybe just go visiting or for vacation still come back home to relatives that act as though u live there. God help us all. Happy holidays everyone!

  5. Babym

    November 15, 2016 at 5:57 pm

    Buhahahaha this is soooo accurate!!! Me I have learnt the hard way o. That is how the last time I was coming home, at the airport as we were checking in last min ( one grandma and her daughter were begging me to pls let them put their excess luggage in my suitcase. I don’t know what possessed me to agree! What if they were carrying drugs!! Anyway that is how they proceeded to repackmy suitcase o we almost missed the flight. Iv never been so mad in my life. The way they were begging and praying for me i was livid. NEVER AGAIN!! And now I don’t tell anybody I’m coming o. I will just land Gbam! And then they will say ahnn ahnn when did u land now u didn’t even tell me so I can send u message lol.

  6. Ify

    November 15, 2016 at 6:04 pm

    Lol. I love this.

  7. Just Saying

    November 15, 2016 at 6:13 pm

    No gift for nobody back home this year. Dollar/£££££ high!

  8. Eastman

    November 15, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    Good article! I laughed so hard.
    At least no one brought you fried “Canadian chicken” or some depressed gala apples. I wonder all the time; why anyone would deep fry chicken with the aim of sending it to Naija where chicken is mostly organic, non-gmo, free range, nutrient filled etc….Maybe it’s just the people I know sha… the thing pass me.

    • "changing moniker"

      November 16, 2016 at 9:53 am

      Hahaha
      They must think you are hungry!

  9. lola

    November 15, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    So spot on! I was in naija for d summer and oh dear I can totally relate with all you wrote. As for me I try not to burden anyone with errand so I can be justified when I don’t help either, d stress of ensuring your weight is right can’t be over emphazised. Also naija pple no day understand what d actual value of that seemingly little gift cost you. And when you tell them on that x item cost 100£ for example thats 53000# as of today. They won’t believe,saying eh eh you should v kukuma carry d 100£ & give me to buy what I want.
    Me: really? Are you not thesame person dat will complain if I didn’t bring anything for you?
    (Anyways lessons learnt )

  10. Owl

    November 15, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    Ha Ha Ha!!!
    This is so accurate.
    Some people think that people that live abroad have money trees in their back yards.
    Our people can be so ungrateful, they have no idea how hard we work and how much we pay in taxes, bills etc.
    What about the people that will go out with you and leave you with the bill. Chai! lol
    Got to love Nigeria!

  11. B

    November 15, 2016 at 6:24 pm

    LOL very funny article. I don’t travel to Nigeria for Christmas holidays neither do I plan to but good luck to those who are 😀

  12. TeeS

    November 15, 2016 at 6:29 pm

    See ehn I’ve learned the answer to all these problems. As a grown single lady, with immediate family here and not naija. When I travel to naija. Only one person knows. And nope it’s not the parents either. Don’t tell anyone back home either. I don’t do hand luggage either. Just my backpack. Check in one bag. Finish. When you get home. They ask you when are you leaving. Proceed to say I’m not sure oh. I’ll keep you posted. On the day you’re leaving, I’m leaving oh. They’ll say oh I wanted to give you something. You’ll say ahhh it’s too late. Sorry. It was last minute. And all this scenario is even if you see all this people. Left to me , I’m in and out. See a few friends that are important. See the man(now an ex?) and get out.
    All this oh your shoes are nice, your shirt looks good, your weave is on flick story will not happen if you’re lowkey.
    Some Nigerians don’t understand that America or where ever the said person is coming from thy we aren’t stealing or plucking money off a tree in the backyard . The way they ask for things, I get scared too. It’s the same hard work we are working. Plus we got bills to pay. I thought people exaggerated about bills till I got to US myself. I was like woahh!
    Long story short, be lowkey, only a few people need to know, only see those that are important. Finish

  13. Me

    November 15, 2016 at 6:29 pm

    So true! Then the friends who say “Please my sister will give you fish to brings back for me”. Said sister arrives, with a Ghana must go bag of aso ebi, fish, vegetables and orisirisi.
    Hey, I also have my things to take back o!

  14. Bukky

    November 15, 2016 at 6:32 pm

    An experience that comes to mind is from years ago.

    I had sent my passport to the UK embassy as I was flying through London and needed a visa. Got back from work, saw a notice from the post office and assumed it was my passport. Since I was travelling the next day and desperately needed my passport, I headed to the post office immediately. Only to get there to see that it was my aunty in New York that had mailed me three big life-size dolls, and some other toys to take to Naija for her niece!! Prior to this, we had NOT discussed me taking anything home for her!

    It was blistering cold, there had been a snow storm the day before, and it had snowed up to about 11 inches the day before (winter storms of 2007). The trains weren’t working, so I had to walk back home. A journey that should have taken 10 minutes, took 45 minutes as I was dragging the big dolls with me through the snow. I had frost bites on my fingers as I had no gloves ( I had thought I was just picking up my passport). Realizing that my passport was probably going to come through another company, UPS, I called my brother to be on the look out for the UPS van, and lo and behold the doorbell rang. Knowing how desperately I needed my passport, and knowing how UPS delivery men just ring the bell and bail, he ran out, chased the UPS van and got my passport! Halleluyah! The only thing was that in his hurry to catch the UPS guy, he had run out the house in flip flops and boxer shorts and had inadvertently locked himself out of the house without his phone! Got home and met my bro freezing his butt outside!!

    Just like the woman the writer mentioned, this my aunt has been known to “help” people rearrange their luggage so her own things can fit! All of us cousins avoid her like the plague when we are traveling back to Naija! These days, I rarely tell people I am going home; esp older Nigerian aunties who use “respect” to bully you to carry items. I do not mind taking little items, but people take the piss and end up bringing more items than was initially communicated. Now, I sharply say “NO”, if I think the items would be a bother! I can’t come and go and die!

  15. Benbella

    November 15, 2016 at 6:36 pm

    “We: Uncle, here is the Samsung Phone you asked for.
    Uncle: Collects the phone and after thorough examinations says “but this is not the model I asked for. I wanted a Samsung Galaxy XYV Version 5.8.9.6 that can see Mars, Jupiter, Pluto, and Venus & can dance azonto. This one you brought can only see Mars.
    We: Stare at the IPhone 4 we have been using for 4 years, and offer an apology. It won’t happen again sir.”

    LMAO. The above part is funny as heck.

    Fantastic article, but let me add my 2 kobo (not worth much these days after you convert it into dollars btw):

    After my last trip to Nigeria, I have decided I wont buy things for people when next I travel. There is no use. From now on, everybody will receive candy/chocolate which I will purchase in bulk from Target/Walmart. I may make exceptions for my little nieces/nephews of pre-teen age, who I could buy clothes and toys for.

    My last trip, I ended up spending close to $1,000 buying perfumes, clothes and various articles for family, friends and relatives. Some were really grateful – my aunt rocked her new outfit right there and then, and put her old clothes into the shopping bag that came with her new outfit.

    My sister was happy when she saw the stacks of gear I had bought for her kids from Gap. The Gap store in Katy Mills is a godsend when it comes to bargains.

    However the amount of stress I had to go through coordinating sizes, tastes, style preferences etc surpassed the hassle I went through sorting myself for the trip.

    I got different types of requests, some of them so ridiculous that I cringe as I write them on paper;

    – Benbella, please I need the new PS4. Dont worry I have seen a site where you can buy it on sale. It is going for “only” $300 there. Please also add a copy of FIFA 17 and Call of Duty. Oh, abeg throw in an extra control Pad: I need to be able to play with my friend. Thanks, correct guy!

    – Hey Benbella. Longtime no hear! Abeg my uncle’s brother’s third cousin half removed’s step sister lives in Houston and will give you some items to give me. Actually it is a George Foreman Grill. Do you know a part of Houston called Spring? I know you live in Richmond, but can you drive the over 50 mile trip there to go pick it up? It only weighs 10 pounds. Nice one!

    • TeeS

      November 15, 2016 at 9:32 pm

      You had me @ spring to Richmond. They don’t understand that driving in houston is risking your life itself????. And when they say oh it’s only $50. If it’s “only”. Biko send me the “only” so I can buy it for you Na! . Lol. You’re nice sha . 1000dollars.
      That’ll pay my student loans, insurance, phone bill for 2 months. Bless your heart sha

  16. Mogbe

    November 15, 2016 at 6:46 pm

    Mogbe!! Now, I’m scared to go home.

    • Delta geh

      November 15, 2016 at 8:23 pm

      Don’t be. Just use sense and don’t be announcing to everyone that you’re travelling. It would save you a lot of hassle. Also buy chocolate and candy for people unless you have the money to be spending on more expensive items. Close family though you can buy the more quality stuff for them. Life in obodoyibo is not that easy why kill yourself? You gat bills to pay and the like. In other words when you buy gifts cut your coat according to your size.

    • Tru

      November 16, 2016 at 4:00 pm

      Nwanne buy the chocolate at Shoprite or Duty Free, sense and lowkey, that’s everything

  17. Chi

    November 15, 2016 at 6:49 pm

    My aunt and I had this conversation this morning . ‘She now asked if I’m Santa Claus lol !!!

    Family members that haven’t said hello all year now look for you with silly request abeg park well .

    This year I’ve learned to be selfish in some aspects . If you don’t talk/do for me go your way. I’ll help who I want to help , those that actually need .

    • Lovely

      November 15, 2016 at 8:56 pm

      Aunty Chi, biko do what you can but only what you can knowing that it is God that rewards. Don’t turn selfish na, also remember the many blessings you have received not from men.

  18. Ada Nnewi

    November 15, 2016 at 7:05 pm

    Aunty seun why are all your negative pseudonyms igbos…. why didn’t you use your yoruba brethren

    • Everything's rosie

      November 15, 2016 at 8:17 pm

      I tire o!

    • Anonymous

      November 15, 2016 at 8:54 pm

      Don’t mind the silly twat, the article reeked of his condescension for igbo people. He practically called our relatives beggars. I have never felt so insulted in my life. Later they will say Donald is a racist, yet ordinary Nigerians are more tribalistic and hateful of each other than any other race can ever concieve. The igbo tribe is proud of our family values, so we know that living abroad doesn’t make one a better human being than the folks in Nigeria, and appreciate the kignly welcome, It is an honor that our return home is heralded by family.

    • Missappleberry

      November 15, 2016 at 10:25 pm

      Chei! Try and relax and enjoy the article naw. Don’t spoil it for some of us with your seriousness. I’m sure the writer meant no harm. Besides my own relatives behave worse than the people described in the article and we are not even igbos.

    • Nneks

      November 16, 2016 at 2:32 pm

      You have gone too far. Look at the baseless rubbish you vomited. I am an Owerri girl and i don’t see what you people have chosen to see here. Some of you will forever be salty like barbeach water no matter what someone else does. Seun well done. Laughed so hard as always. This made my day. I have an uncle Chudi in my family, infact he looks like Mr. Ibu and the mannerism is the same. When he enters a place the place will scatter with laughter for the first 10 mins. Well done. Going to your blog to read.

    • Seun

      November 15, 2016 at 9:19 pm

      Negative? I apologise if it rubbed you the wrong way. I love the igbo pseudonysms because they lighten the mood better for me. People who know me personally know i act like i”m igbo – i claim i was igbo in my previous life. I can hardly speak a sentence without including “biko”. That kind of reflects in how i write. My igbo friends speak the language to me becos i love hearing them speak it. I watch igbo/english nigerian movies 10 times more than i watch the yoruba ones. It just happens so and i love & enjoy them positively. No condescending here.

    • EE

      November 16, 2016 at 5:08 am

      ???????????

      I see what you did there, remixed the classic “I’m not racist, I have black friends” to the more hip, I’m not tribalist, I was Igbo in my past life??????. Brilliant!

      Biko nwannem nwanyi. Ka ewene inwe, o njakiri ka’m na ama.

    • tunmi

      November 15, 2016 at 11:10 pm

      The beautiful thing about diversity. I did not catch it. Seun, you goofed on this. Seeing as you have a Yoruba first and last name….

    • Anonimo

      November 16, 2016 at 7:17 pm

      This was the first thing i noticed. Even if Seun did not mean it like that, there are some things you don’t do because of how it will look. I mean, not one Yoruba scenario and I scrolled down to find Yoruba names belonging to the author. Yoruba ‘hazzent’ mixed in would have been as funny and helped to balance it out. The article was funny and yeah I’m a Yoruba person who also romanticises all things Igbo too.

  19. good girl

    November 15, 2016 at 7:50 pm

    lol @ ..”uzi..open gate before thunder will fire you”……i would just not tell anyone except my spouse that I’m travelling home so i don’t have to deal with all these requests

  20. Aisha

    November 15, 2016 at 8:29 pm

    I totally relate with this article.
    My husband is the only one I have seen who pays for any package he gives people to help him send over to naija, and it doesn’t matter if it is a tiny piece of scarf, he’ll just pay as though it were an extra luggage. Though he’s stopped now and uses only shipping companies.
    These days, he simply directs anyone who pleads for him to carry things to naija for them to a shipping company. And it’s not as though the charges are much to begin with cos your things get to the destination within a week, so I don’t understand why some people still insist you help them load your bag with their stuff!
    Anyway, our no is a firm no and that is that.
    Talk of users.

  21. oo

    November 15, 2016 at 8:52 pm

    So a good friend of the family based in Nigeria always comes for xmas in the states. He’s a politician and anytime I ask him to help me take something to naija he always feels awkward and gives the crap excuse that ‘protocol does not allow’ him to carry any other luggage that is not his.
    So 2 years ago he came over to buy the latest M-Class and by some crazy way sha he forgot the keys to the car on my table in my study. Luckily for him I was coming to Naija a month after he left so he reminded me to help him bring the keys. I said no problem.

    So I land in gidi and called up my guy that I was in lagos and he was so elated he said he would come visit me that day. Mumu

    After all the gist and Hennessey he asked me oh boy where is the keys to the Jeep o, its just rotting in the warehouse.
    I now said ha oh boy no vex, protocol did not allow me to carry any luggage that does not belong to me so its still in my study.

    I’m sure you can imagine how he felt. Ever since then, Protocol was abolished

    • SimplyJane

      November 16, 2016 at 12:10 am

      Choi! See finishing!!! #Baddestguyeverliveth

    • Serene

      November 16, 2016 at 10:53 am

      U actually didn’t being it for him? Choi!

    • Seun Akinlosotu

      Seun Akinlosotu

      November 16, 2016 at 1:28 pm

      Haaaaaaaa lmbooo.. that was savage!! omgawdd

  22. Hey

    November 15, 2016 at 8:54 pm

    Great article.

  23. Bee

    November 15, 2016 at 8:59 pm

    Number 1 rule…….Never announce your arrival or departure date. If you don’t accounce your arrival , you wont get any requests, thus buy what you can afford or none at all. If you don’t announce your departure date, they won’t get to “obtain” or beg for your personal items you wish to take back with you in once peace.

  24. Marian

    November 15, 2016 at 9:31 pm

    There is another side to this. Going back to yankee has been a nightmare for me. They will meet you at the airport with their ‘small package’ and it will turn into extra luggage. Last year i just assumed my aunt only packed clothes in the package because that’s what i was told. Awkward moment when the custom officer at atl started pulling out maggi, expression, soap and giving me the look. He ended up seizing them and i had to make another awkward call to my aunt to call custom before they can release her stuff.
    This year the thought of going viral was the only thing that stopped me from having a meltdown inside lagos airport. I came with one bag and found myself leaving with three. Custom officers at lagos frustrated my life and said i had too many new clothes for just one person travelling and wanted me to pay tax on them. They refused to let me bring a trolley in to get the 3 bags and i was directed to go downstairs. I kept asking how i was supposed to get 3 bags downstairs all by myself with no cart.
    I later found out there was no one downstairs for me to go to and it was more or less a scare tactic to get youknowwhat.

    Someone brought ogi/pap to the airport for my friend to take to yankee. They didn’t even wrap it well and she just had to decline. The grandma said that’s the only thing the grandson will eat and we were just like nah! Can’t do it.

    Told everyone including my mom i will no longer be bringing any package. I just wanna get to the airport, check my one or 2 bags in and be done.

    • Corolla

      November 15, 2016 at 10:58 pm

      Girl! You have to check what people give you before packing it o. It’s common knowledge na. It could have been drugs na! Don’t be setting yourself up like that o.

    • Seun Akinlosotu

      Seun Akinlosotu

      November 16, 2016 at 1:44 pm

      Girllll you said it!! open, inspect, inspect again.

    • "changing moniker"

      November 16, 2016 at 10:03 am

      I thought we could travel with Maggi, soap, expression etc??

    • o

      November 16, 2016 at 2:22 pm

      You can travel with Maggi or knorr as far as it’s not the chicken flavour. Anything with beef or chicken flavour is frowned upon (in the US sha o). UK is more liberal. Expression and soap are allowed as far as it’s a quantity that is suitable as gift. If it’s a large quantity it must be declared.

  25. o

    November 15, 2016 at 9:37 pm

    Lol. Funny article??. But you ‘away’ ppl too should stop asking Nigerians travelling for summer/Christmas to bring Aboniki, robb, omorogun, igbako, peak milk, cabin biscuits, groundnut, gala, fun time coconut chips, indomie, garri Ijebu, elubo, egusi, crayfish, ogbono, peppersoup spice, ewa oloyin, dried fish. Maggi, knorr, Ankara, lace and asooke etc…????? (My cuz once asked me to bring this local Igbo chalk (ashi I think its called) for her friend who was pregnant and craving it??)

    On a serious note it actually goes both ways. Best thing is to tell one or two ppl (except hosts) about your trip. And only when trip is like 3 days away.

    • tunmi

      November 15, 2016 at 11:13 pm

      True!! I limit my asking to things I absolutely cannot get here which are pretty much high snacks. When I do go back, we’ll all do our shopping there. With the exceptions of the few things I know are less expensive here, we shall enter the market/shoprite together.

    • anon

      November 16, 2016 at 1:21 am

      abeg, it’s not nearly on the same level. OR write your own damn article, and people will agree. Literally everything except Gala (because of the expiry date) can be found in African stores nowadays. So you definitely still can’t compare.

    • o

      November 16, 2016 at 7:14 am

      Well maybe because they say “we have egusi and ogbono here oo, but it’s so expensive”. Yes. Literally everything is found abroad in African stores but ppl still ask you to bring for them so…… Yes I can compare because its goes both ways. I know how much i spend every trip buying expression and foodstuffs. It’s actually “nearly on the same level”.. And I don’t feel like writting my own “damn article”, you can help me if you feel so pained by my comment….

    • Seun Akinlosotu

      Seun Akinlosotu

      November 16, 2016 at 1:36 pm

      it definitely happens both ways no doubt. Consideration is key all the time.

  26. Roma

    November 15, 2016 at 10:00 pm

    I laughed all through, while reading this article. So on point. I used to think it’s only Nigerians/Africans that always expect gifts from their relatives or friends coming from overseas; i thought wrong. Even white people does it too, especially those ones that are very family oriented.

    i wish all those travelling for the Christmas and New Year holidays safe and peaceful journey. Don’t forget you have bills waiting for you, for the ladies, don’t forget to buy extra sanitary pads and leave some behind, lol.

  27. Babe

    November 15, 2016 at 10:00 pm

    Hilarious article.. This is my story every year lol.
    I’ve gotten to the point of telling only my parents the exact date I’m coming home. One time i arrived Lagos two days earlier than i had told them just to avoid all this last minute buy me this and buy me that.
    Nigerians are funny humans

    • Seun Akinlosotu

      Seun Akinlosotu

      November 16, 2016 at 1:31 pm

      lol… i have done the whole give a different date thing too but i swear people be dropping things off like a week before the fake date sef.

  28. Choices

    November 15, 2016 at 10:39 pm

    Hi guys.. Can anyone please give me names of these so called shipping companies that ship to naija? Does the size of the package matter or does it have to be a container? And also, do they ship to other African countries besides Nigeria? Thanks.

    • Fashionista

      November 15, 2016 at 11:11 pm

      Corporate Messangers, Geeomotayo services company. I’ve used both, google them.

    • moni

      November 15, 2016 at 11:23 pm

      shop2mydoor

    • EE

      November 16, 2016 at 5:13 am

      Look to your right, at the BELLANAIJA ads, you should see one prominently placed.

      All you people not pointing this out, when pop-up ads return, nah una cause am.

    • Manny

      December 1, 2016 at 9:31 pm

      Look in those free African newspapers

  29. May

    November 16, 2016 at 12:32 am

    This article is so on point….. Story of ur lives

  30. Baba

    November 16, 2016 at 1:44 am

    I am sure no one has ever been asked to bring’Roast Turkey’ from London…and to make matter worse,i was chasing the silly lady all over Lagos to deliver!!!!

  31. Gorgeous

    November 16, 2016 at 3:02 am

    All my family don’t live in naija. Thank God! If I travel I may just but for my host. Friends are doing well, and they can travel anytime. My host is even a big chick and she takes me around sef. If I ever take anything for anyone. It cannot be locked or sealed. No stranger can come and destroy a future I worked so hard to build.

    • ATL's finest

      November 16, 2016 at 6:05 pm

      ????????????? lol @ can’t destroy my future. I’m telling U. Same here, no FAM, friends doing great. Grandparents just came in & abeg even a letter, I won’t read it but don’t wrap nothing that my two naked eyes can’t see. At d end, when u carry these items & the airport crises starts, u can’t drop their loads is yours that will end up suffering it.

  32. notjustokaydotcom

    November 16, 2016 at 3:26 am

    this practically my situation right now. I haven’t been home in five years and people back home assume I am a baller because I dress well. I haven’t even done any shopping for myself. but my people back home are already giving me their list. A particular friend wants me to buy the whole of Yankee for her *rolls eyes. Another is planning how she’ll collect my gold shoe she has seen me wear on Instagram. I won’t even take it with me so no talk of snatching it. Abi what will I wear when I get back???? #Iamahustlero

  33. notjustokaydotcom

    November 16, 2016 at 3:26 am

    is*

  34. tilda

    November 16, 2016 at 8:01 am

    Looool. I tend not to buy anything when im coming. The exchange rate is good i buy what i need in any of the malls in naija and distribute accordingly. I never apologise to greedy people who complain. I just snatch back whhatever it is i bought them. As for taking things back home for people. Last year i had about 4 different friends who needed help transporting stuff home. I just arrange a meet between all of us with the details of a cargo buisness i googled. We all ended up contributing and managing to ship tthings home including some of my stuff?.

    • Seun Akinlosotu

      Seun Akinlosotu

      November 16, 2016 at 1:29 pm

      lolll @ snatch back.

  35. Ify

    November 16, 2016 at 10:03 am

    This bae is good. I enjoyed reading ur piece esp d description of the Samsung phone.
    #offtoreadyourblog

    • Seun Akinlosotu

      Seun Akinlosotu

      November 16, 2016 at 1:29 pm

      muahhh… pls go read o. Thank you!!

  36. Olubunmi Daudu

    November 16, 2016 at 10:47 am

    Very apt! OluwáseUn always on point

  37. Bella

    November 16, 2016 at 11:21 am

    Coming home no be small yeye matter o.

  38. ij

    November 16, 2016 at 3:03 pm

    me: i am going to naija on sat
    friend: really? can i give you something for my dad please
    me: what?
    friend: its just his blood pressure medication
    me: no shaking
    night before trip to naija friend arrives with the blood pressure medication, 5 M&S underwear and singlet, 1 pair of clarks sandals in the box, 1 boxed new phone.

    HONESTLY!!

    • Bee

      November 16, 2016 at 3:54 pm

      LMAOOOO!!! That is already 23kg sef

    • ATL's finest

      November 16, 2016 at 6:02 pm

      ?????exactly what I said. Folks aren’t mindful of what they bring & that’s why I don’t carry nothing no more.

  39. Bee

    November 16, 2016 at 3:55 pm

    Whenever I go on holiday and people in London ask when I’m leaving. Even if I got there that day, my response is always ‘tonight”…I can’t shout

    • ATL's finest

      November 16, 2016 at 6:01 pm

      ??????????lol. U wicked 😉 what a PERFECT answer after all, no time to buy anything that u can carry for them.

    • Seun Akinlosotu

      Seun Akinlosotu

      November 18, 2016 at 3:41 am

      lmboooooo!

  40. aj

    November 17, 2016 at 6:24 am

    lmaoooooooooooooo at all the comments y’all are a funny bunch..not gone home in a looooong while…. hoping to go next year. I have picked up on a few tips!

    • Seun Akinlosotu

      Seun Akinlosotu

      November 18, 2016 at 3:40 am

      Glad we helped o.. loll

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