Have you ever given a friend an amazing pep talk and after you drop the mic you’re like “Wow!, if only I could take my own advice” and then you go “I should really write a book about this things” Anyway, that is exactly what this is. For every point I am going to state here, I can totally relate to them ‘cause I am guilty of almost everything. So, take this as me trying to help someone else… while helping myself (this is a judgement free zone)
First up, let’s talk about this marriage/relationship issues right? The spoken and unspoken pressure is so huge! From the tons of weddings every weekend (I am currently on a wedding sabbatical by the way) to the hashtag #relationshipgoals #couplegoals #baevacation (oh Lord, the God of the baeless, please pick up the call o)
To be real though, the pressure can be overwhelming; this takes me to my first point, as one of my Uncles would always say: “when it comes to love and marriage there is no such thing as a late comer”. Please take your time! If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
Secondly, I once uploaded an episode on my audio blog about how cool it would be if there was a sign attached to guys that just tells you if he is the right one or not…that would be pretty cool right? Unfortunately that invention hasn’t happened yet, so for now all we have are our intuition and discernment – or maybe just impulse and praying to God that we get it right. Using any of these things would really serve us a great deal especially we ladies.
Now to an important part, you know those girls they talk about in articles and blogs that on their first dates they are already assessing, analysing, permutating and combining the guys, his genes, their compatibility, the marriage date, aso-ebi colour, gbam! Guilty as charged (I am so on this team or rather I was *coversface*) but can you blame a sister? It’s not like there is a flood of fish in the river these days, so when you get the good ones you better start planning *joking*. No, you shouldn’t start planning! As a matter of fact; you shouldn’t even go on a date already with the mindset of meeting Bae. Some people are just drive-bys or at most friends, not every date is the hubby, so play it cool and be open minded (Fumbi! Seh you hear o, listen to yourself this time)
Another issue I have is with the church fam. My dear sisters in the Lord (yes I am one of you guys #teamchurchsistsers) please because you met in him church does not mean that he is the one. Because he is “spiritual” does not mean he is your God-sent husband. Remember the devil is also a spirit o and there are all sorts of people in churches these days. But the real deal is, I think I am just tired of seeing so many loveless and unless marriages among Christians or religious people in general (Disclaimer; I am not saying marrying a believer (whatever the faith) is bad o, you should actually marry someone who shares your faith. It helps you both grow better and faster); but inasmuch as we want Godly men, we should still ensure that we are not just settling for a marriage of convenience. He should make you laugh, talk about anything – no matter how vain. You should feel like you married your friend, not your dad or hostel warden
And lastly, ladies, ladies, ladies…get in here! Can we take it easy on the specs please? As I said earlier this is as much for me as it is for everyone else reading this. I am a hopeless romantic; I am still waiting on my “Notebook” moment (best romantic movie ever by the way). I believe a man has to do the chasing, buy the flowers, open the door. In short, my ideal love life is modelled after every romantic white movie you can think of. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but we have to be as realistic as possible. We all want a knight in shining armour, a good and decent man which is not too much to ask but we have to realise that good men come in short and chubby packages too sometimes. Others can be freckled or bald, pot-bellied or even with not-so-perfect diction (chai, this diction part ehn, it is a war even for me)But… we have to look inwards more than the outward. Find people who make us happy rather than those who would look good on Instagram posts
As I once heard from a wise woman; things take time; some sparks are immediate while others need time to grow. Don’t rush it, enjoy the process but please if you have to talk yourself into it or convince yourself repeatedly about it, then you probably shouldn’t do it, it’s funny how the right decisions are the ones we do not need to talk ourselves out of, or into
I know I haven’t covered all the angles to this topic, but just take this as my own two-cents and I hope it helps. Cheers 🙂
Photo Credit: Dreamstime