Nadine: Getting Over Unhealthy Competition with Other People

Why do we sometimes feel that another person’s success blocks ours? Or, looking at it from another angle: do others have to fail at something for us to be more successful at it?
Reality check: In order for you to snag that job, you have to be better than other candidates at the interview.
Double check: To win the award for being the best in an exam, you need the highest score which invariably means that your mates will have to get lower scores.

Whether it be at school, work, even at home or wherever, we are always in competition with someone else for the more important and less important things of life. You compete to acquire, win, get or be given something. It is clear that competition cuts across basically every part of life at different times of our lives. It is safe to say that we’ve all been in competition since conception (of all the eggs that could have been fertilized, it just had to be you!)

Certainly, we cannot avoid competition with other people, so what I’d like to ask is about how you deal with competition; are you in healthy or unhealthy competition with other people?

Ivory Madison, founder of redroom.com says that “Unhealthy Competition is when your reaction to another’s success is negative, rather than inspiring and motivating to you. Unhealthy competition is where you hope others have limitations because you are afraid that your limitations will cause you to lose… unless they are somehow held back. Unhealthy competition is where you associate shame with losing rather than see your own nobility for trying.”

If you’re the kind of person to roll your eyes at another person’s achievements, or wish someone weren’t so successful or cheat in order to accomplish a task or sabotage another person’s hard work … if you feel like a failure or think less of yourself for losing or question your self-worth after a defeat, you’re in unhealthy competition, honey. This type of competition brings so much negativity on so many levels that I can’t even begin to explain, whereas, one of our life-long mottos is #PositiveVibesOnly How then can you stop being so negative or feeling so down or getting so angry when you’re faced with a loss?

• If there’s one thing I remember from watching Fighting Temptations years ago, it’s Mike Epps’ statement “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” No hating here but I’d like to rephrase that. Don’t compete with the person, compete in the activity. Better to have the mind that “I want to be the best at my job” as opposed to “I want to be the best out of all my co-workers.”

• Three syllables: Com-pli-ment. They say it takes 21 days to develop a habit. Try complimenting other people regularly for a change. It’d become a habit and you stand a good chance of growing the culture of “your success is my success too.”

• Set realistic goals for yourself. Divide your goals into short-term and long-term goals. You know yourself better than anyone else and you know your abilities and how you can hone your skills. Work at a good pace. Improve yourself. Treat yourself to good self-love.

• Be motivated, not intimidated. We all know those chest-tightening, gut-wrenching, blood pressure-rising feelings which we get at disappointments or losses, but we can overcome. Aim to be better than your past self and look forward to being your best self. Learn from the successes of others. Be inspired, love. You won’t get over this today.

It’s a journey and I wish you good luck.

“Healthy competition encourages everyone involved to push themselves harder than they would have without competition, and as a result they achieve more personal or professional growth whether they won or lost. Healthy competition expands the boundaries of what you believed was possible for yourself. And it encourages you to admit to others that you’re ambitious.” – Ivory Madison.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime